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Review:almost_witch says:
Well I decided I was going to pick this story because you asked to find out what you need to find to make it that little bit more perfect. I'll get all the silly things aside before I move on, shall I?

3rd Para: 'They hadn’t been pleased.' could be 'They weren't (at all?) pleased.'

4th para: (There's something here that I just wanted to fix.. I don't know... I'm being picky.) 'I have a sickening feeling he’ll be back, this time to end his embarrassment, his shame, to end my life.' maybe it could be... 'I have a sickening feeling he’ll be back, this time to end his embarrassment and his shame to end my life' or ' embarrassment, his shame... to end my life.'

:'If I sleep now, I’ll be open;' maybe 'If I sleep now I’ll be so vunrable;'

There are small spelling mistakes like 'to' should be 'two' in the first para, and 'latter' is acually spelt 'later'

Now, I too am trying to find that little thing that I just quite can't put my finger on. I suggest maybe... making it easier to read? Some parts are confussing on wether you are talking about the past or future.

You do have talent, I can see that clearly, because you manage to write paragraphs on discriptions, were as alot of people would use things like flashbacks or really not write that many paragraphs at all.

I suggest maybe bringing more... talking into the start, it's almost like there is too many blocks of paragraphs I think it needs to be broken up a little.

Maybe even describe Ginny and Draco's relationship a little more. How did it start? What brought them together? Why should they be together? Why, after all the years of Weasleys and Malfoys hating each other, why should they become a couple? Bring in that sort of perspective.

I also got a little confussed, I think one of the Weasley boys were the ones beating Malfoy. Clear it up a little

You do have talent and I can see this story being great. I hope I wasnt too harsh, but I want to see this story completed from your eyes.

Also thank you for understanding how stressful life can be. My life is very much so. :)


Author's Response: Thank you for such a comprehensive review. I am currently orking with a Beat reader to see how to make this better. I will deffentally be using some of your suggestions!

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