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Review:Liadan Lightflower says:
Hmmm...well I liked the idea...one brief moment to think about all the loss going on because of the war. Now, some of your grammar was faulty. I do believe you should proofread this and/or have a beta reader. It will make the entire thing flow better. Your tenses were off as well making it seem awkward. For an example, ' It's been getting worse and worse lately. There have been more who have to see the names of their parents'. It would be better off,'Lately, it has been getting worse. There are more who have to see the names of the deceased in order to know thier parents' fate' or something like that. The writing was a bit awkward. I know it may seem like I am ripping away at your story, but I am not. I am only giving you some advice. Anyway, nice try for the first time.

Liadan Lightflower

Author's Response: Thanks very much!

I'm very glad that you pointed that out to me. I'll make sure to go through and reread it again and edit it.

Don't worry, you're not ripping, just helping!


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