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Review:greatest of 'em all says:
First, lets go over your strengths. For one, you know how to draw out your characters. Moth is very interesting, a bit weird, yes, but well who's isnt? She is projected very well and her replies are short and to the point, just like her. You've stuck to her character really well. For another, the others like Moony, Remus and Molly have been brought about really canon. As you mentioned in your AN that the grammatical structure was intentional, I wouldnt comment on that.

Next, your weaknesses. Firstly, even for a fast paced fic, this one is too fast. It elaborates the wrong details. If you want this fic as short, then give importance to the priorities. If you have a scene with War, explain the movement and the actions. Or else, it ends up seeming very dull. For a person who brings out her OC's this well, writing such scenes would be no problem, I'm sure about that. Secondly, in any fast paced short fic, attention is given to events that affect people in general. For eg. why dont you remove the part with Fleur gifting Harry and replace it with elaborating on the fighting sequences? Thirdly, the chain of events is very garbled and it puts off many readers. Why not let things happen chronologically? Less interesting to write but easier to read! Also, if knowledge is given through conversations, people tend to enjoy more (like, instead of telling readers that Death Eaters attacked on Grimmauld Place, why not have Harry discussing somthing with Fred and they hear something and then Death Eaters attack? more of surprise element). A lot of action is required, otherwise it seems like a dull narration. Involving the characters would help.

All in all, if you want to start on this fic again, start from the scratch. From the very beginning. The way you describe Moss's presence is very good. And, after all a little description never hurt anybody, did it?

Author's Response: oooh, yay, thank you for your constructive criticism! i'll definitely keep this in mind... if i do re-write this, i agree, i should start over. in fact if i ever get around to it i'm thinking of just making it novel-length, because there are scenes that are not key to the plot (such as the fleur scene) that i like too much to get rid of. thanks for your advice!

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