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Review:the_artful_dodger says:
Hmmm... it cut off the rest of my review, so sorry bout that.

Anyways, back to constructive criticism (yes, I know, there's more)... "were coming mom" should be "we're coming mum." Also, the story is so rushed. Take some time to get into the character's heads. Use description instead of filling a chapter with them speaking. Oh, and your OC smacks of a Mary-Sue, which is somehting I would work on if I were you.

Hopefully, you won't take my comments too personally. I'm just trying to help you out. Can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: thanx for the critisism but i hav no idea of what u mean by Mary-Sue and no offence but i will probably do exactly the opposite of what you told me not to do because i always do on accident cause well i dont know i just do. soz for not being up to ur standards but i am only 14, not much of a grammar freak. soz again,
Holly (one of the two infamous and crazy mini_marauders)

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