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Review:Arithmancy_wiz (NSI) says:
I think it is pretty much impossible to read a story like this without going Awww when you reach the end of it. It’s just a gushy pile of fluffy goodness. It’s a cute, simple idea—perfect for a feel-good one-shot. That being the case, however, doesn’t mean the story shouldn’t still be fully fleshed out, which is my major critique here. I think the overall concept and your general mechanics (minus a few grammar things) here were good, but the story moved really quickly...only sort of glossed over the topic. It was hard for me to get a true sense of what was really bothering Lily. I got that she was having seconds thought, but why? Was she afraid they were too young? Afraid James wasn’t the one? I thought it was sweet when James’s mother checked in on her, but where were her parents? Were they already dead at this point, and if so, did that tie in somehow? Without really understanding what made Lily want to run, it was hard to understand how James was so easily able to calm her fears and convince her to proceed with the wedding.

Sorry, hope this isn’t coming of harsh. I really think this is a cute story and I think if you dived into your characters’ heads just a bit more (which I know is tough in a one-shot) it would be even better!

Thanks for sharing your story with me.


Author's Response: Don't worry, I'm offended, I'm happy that people can give my critiques!!!

Yeah, I know, it was really just supposed to be a cute, heart-felt, lovey-dovey story. I really didn't know why she didn't want to get married... It just kinda popped into my head... What if she had second thoughts?

Once again, thank you for the review, I really appreciate it!


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