|Review:||Dreaming of Yesterday says:|
Tuck it into bed...haha! Um, yeah. Just had to mention that...
I read what you said about putting other authors down, and it isn't fair or kind. You're right. However there is a fine line between putting someone down, and helping them to be the best they can be. Reviews are a tool the authors in this site can use to help them gain confidence, and grow and learn about their writing, and they are meant to be suggestions that may contribute to perfecting others' work as there is always room for improvement.
So, you'll recive no putting down from me.
I have to say this was a very good peice of writing! I loved the story that it told, and the way it was written. You did a good job keeping your readers guessing, I mean, in this maybe two page story I came up with several different ideas on the outcome, and I was wrong every time! So the end was still a surprise. I really enjoyed the way you kept using different ways the scenery could look or sound as if nature could breathe and speak. How the wind died down to a whisper, how it was a silent silhouette ect. It was like a song, or poetry. The scene with Ginny sitting by the water and surrounded by trees is amazing. You painted her hair shining gold and red in the darkness of night, and her tears pure, and clear. Magnificent.
The story was simply dripping with marvalous detail and emotions, however--and this is just my opinion--I found myself wondering at times why Ginny was still thinking about the same thing, or why it was taking so long for the story to unfold. What I mean to say is, for me it was like you kept repeating things in this fic, or going on about one thing for too long, or adding things that don't mean anything; and it makes it hard for the reader to continue.
To me, the part where Hermione asks Ginny if she believes Harry will keep his promise doesn't add anything to the story, it just adds words to paper and takes up the reader's time. It seems also to go off track because you didn't say anything about maybe the way Ginny felt watching the clock tick, or how heart heart beat so loud while she tried to make out what was happening in the shadows of the night. Things like that would add a great deal to the excitement, the drama, and the blow when she discoveres Harry's death.
Great job! I liked this alot and I think you did excellent. Keep up the wonderful work, you are a really good writer.
Author's Response: Firstly, I am so glad you took so much interest in this. It makes me feel better that people appreciate my work enough to critique it. I understand that I have quite a bit of improving to do before my writing is perfect, but I'm willing to go all the way to make sure it is. And I do know that I dragged on the emotions a bit too much. But this is just a one-shot so I thought it would be okay. I won't do that from now on, though, as a few people have pointed it out. But thanks for that anyway.
And Ginny said that she believes Harry will keep his promise because I needed her to say it aloud - to make herself believe that she believes that if that makes sense. I think it added to the story. It was just a little random bit of information I felt I needed. But thanks for giving your opinion on that.
I really appreciate your review. It's great that it's so long, and I'm glad you liked this enough to correct me. I do hope to hear from you again in my future stories. Thanks again!