Intriguing but confusing. That’s my general reaction to this story. I read your author’s note in the beginning and have proceeded through the story with an open mind, but I’m having trouble understanding the choices you have made with the general structure. Setting aside plot and characters for the moment, I am not really sure I understand how this piece is laid out. What is the point of reference time wise? This is seventh year and on, I understand that, but what is past, what is present and what is future? It is very difficult to tell. The italics all seem to be references to past events, the moments Harry is “reliving” more or less, the only parts with actual dialogue, is that correct? Separating it out as you have makes it feel like a recollection, but I have no point in the present or future from which to reference his memories. I feel like I have to work too hard to keep up (or step back) to take in the more subtle details. I can appreciate playing with time, jumping around, and I think I got at some of that more disjointed feeling you were working at, but somehow things seemed to get a little garbled along the way. And by the time you reach Part IV, it seems you went in a whole other direction. Now we have our very first full out scene. It wasn’t poorly done by any stretch of the imagination; it just felt out of place. For three “chapters” we were getting nothing but snippets of Harry and his encounters with and/or thoughts about Moth, then all of a sudden there is an action sequence—with no Moth. My brain is having trouble figuring out how to categorize the story.
Okay, but enough about structure. On to plot. Hmm…is there really one? I am not sure. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are clear underlying tones that connect the pieces of this story together and move it along, but I am hesitant to say it constitutes a plot. Until Part IV I thought is was more or less a character study piece, which is great, but now I am not so sure. Perhaps Part V will give some insight
The meat of the story is clearly the characters. I like that the real intriguing character, Moth, is not the “narrator” of this story, and that we are in fact not even inside her head at all. I know I am personally more apt to like an OC if I’m not viewing the Potter world through their eyes. It is hard enough to warm up to OC’s let alone be forced inside their heads! I like Moth as a character, though I feel like I have only got to know her superficially. I know some of her oddities and quirks, but I don’t really know what makes her tick. Why is she so detached from her parents’ murder? What does she like about Harry? If she is so isolated, why does she warm to him and no one else? Where is the rest of her family? Why has she not turned to them in all this? She is an enigmatic character, but that doesn’t mean she can’t have great substance.
Sorry it took awhile to fill this review request. Hope you don’t mind I lumped it all together. It seemed fitting as, like you said, the story reads more like one long one-shot. Hope there is something helpful in my babble.
Author's Response: hey! no, it's fine, i'm glad you got around to it at all! yeah, i really don't think there's any plot in this story. :S i don't think i'm going to finish, though, haha. it was just one of my side-projects that somehow got some reviews. i'm glad you pointed out what you did, though; i hadn't really thought about a lot of that, especially how in not centering the story only around Moth, we actually don't know much about her at all. i think if i ever do continue this story, i'll group it into one one-shot and take out a lot of the stuff that doesn't really better the "plot." thanks for the review!!