Well, this story was amazing! Ten out of ten, twenty out of twenty, thirty out of . . . you get what I mean! Lol!
What wonderful description, and yes- soooo much conflict!!!! Wow!!! :) I love how smooth Draco is. He talks about killing them as though it's nothing!! As you said, something along the lines of 'He sounded very much like a Muggle weathermam . . .' It is so cool, and extremely effective when a baddie goes all soft, and speaking in really calming tones, when in reality . . . he is just about to murder you brutelessly! Did I spell that right? Lol! :) Anywhoosily poodly . . . Um, the tension in this is perfectly structured, and I love how you build the terror! Ace work, Dracana!
I absolutely adored the whole bit with Harry and Draco. I would!! Lol! The bit when Harry insulted Lucius, and then the long description with the blood that poured from his . . . nose, was it? Lol- In the legendary words of one Oliver Wood- 'Er, I don't really remember!'
Oh, and I love, love, loved the bit with Ron's death. I know- sounds really nasty, and deluded- but I did. Draco's cunning trickery . . . the sudden, horrific realisation . . . and then . . . he's dead. Cool stuff!!!
I thought that the parts where Harry tried to decieve Draco by talking about the Slytherin's weaknesses were expertise, and really excellent. :) The fact that it confused him, and questioned his beliefs about death- opened up Draco's complexity as a character, that you write so fascinatingly well. You go, Dracana!!!
Yes, going back to the parts with Harry . . . this line was 'da bomb!' - 'Do you ever hate yourself, Malfoy?' Ingenious stuff. I do commend you further. Please, please if you can give me any tips on how to write characters in perfect canon, say!! I get so stuck, and as you will, (regrettably) see on our Starri Nite page in the reviews, one person said- 'Too much OOC.' Perfect, I sneer sarcastically. That was all my chapter, and I knew somebody wouldn't like it. Darn it!! However, they did give it nine out of ten, so I'm confused . . . Anyway, back to the story . . .
I loved the line- 'Do you want to re-think that declaritive, Potter?' But, call me stupid, lol, I aint got a clue what it means!
Ok, well I kinda do . . . Is its definition something along the lines of . . . 'idea', or 'notion?'
Oh well. For Merlin's sake, Rachel- do concentrate, dear!!! Lol. :)
Oh, and I loved the aliteration- of the 'fs' in the sentence- ' . . . his eyes flinty, face firece!'
Fab stuff. Ooook. I think that's all I can say for this one-shot, but 'don't fret'- hee hee, Lockhart- I shall return later for my longggggg review for 'A Lust For Revenge.'
Happy writing, and 1000/1000 once again!!! ;-)
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this story as much as I hoped you would, hun, because it WAS written for you, and i'd be a little disappointed if you didn't.
Thanks for the super long review! I'll try and make my response as long!!
Building the tension is always fun. I wasn't even aware I was doing it though, I was just taking things slowly, a little conversation, and then wham!!
His nose? I can't remember, probably! It seems like ages ago that I wrote this fic even though it was probably barely a week since I finished it. All in one night to!! That shows how little work I spent on it - whoops! Sorry. It was just so much fun to write I was like blah de blah and firing away, and before I knew it, two hours later and it was done! He he. I like conflict too.
That was funny with Ron. Everybody hates Ron so I figured they wouldn't mind. Draco was just warming up, showing Potter and Granger what he\\\'s made of. Killing Ron was great.
Draco's conflicting emotions and complexeties hold such a great interest for me. It's great to explore all his different sides, to acknowledge that some of it is just his parents influence on him, some his own will. In this particular one-shot he was a raving psychopath, with a burning hunger for revenge. I didn't want to make it too much like "Lust for Revenge" and I think I succeeded in making it as contrasting as possible, whilst still on the same topic of hate, blood-lust and vengeance.
cannon? I don't know what that means. Is it in character or what? Anyway, all you need to do is think - would e.g. Harry do this, or how would he react to this? Don't think of your reaction, put yourself inside that character and think as he does. You're doing a good job on our story under Starri Nite, so don't worry about it. If you ever think it's out of character, just go back and change it, or ponder for a while and think as your character thinks. Just have faith in yourself and have fun, whilst considering what the audience wants and - you'll hate me for this bit - not TOO much conflict. To make conflict effective in a novel you must space it out, have it occasionally. If it is too stuffed up with it then it loses its thrill.
Lol, when I came to stay yesterday you were muttering on about 'declaratives\' all day. Declarative means a statement, so basically what Harry's saying is - "Do you want to rethink that statement, Malfoy?" It comes with studying English Language at AS, which i'm SO going to fail in when my results come tomorrow, agh!
Ha, I didn't even realise I used aliteration. I'm glad you picked that out, I didn't have a clue - I just wrote it without thinking!!
Once again, thank you for your LONG review, and I hope mine is lengthy enough to satisfy you. I immensely look forward to your next one.
Thank you!! xx