Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:circinusphoenix says:
Alright, second chapter under your belt, and here I am back to give you another review.

I liked this chapter. You still change points of view a little, but it's blended in better, so it doesn't stand out as much, so good on you there. You have very good descriptions in this chapter, which I really like. The chapter does move around a lot, so I don't know . . . maybe slowing it down a tad would help. The change to Grimmauld caught me off guard, but that would be a horrible thing to happen to it, so good imagination there.

The kissing scene, I would maybe lop off part of Harry's talking. Someone saying aloud that they've fallen for the other person I think sounds odd, and feels even weirder. It would (I think) be much much better if you maybe had Harry say he felt different, and started explaining, but then Hermione interupts by kissing him.

Sirius might be alive eh? Well, that would be a wonderful thing to happen for Harry I think. I would have thought Lupin might have wanted to go as much or more than Harry, but he was right, there is alot to be rebuilt. But one thing, there wouldn't be any dementor's at Azkaban anymore, since they left and went with Voldemort.

Anyways, again, I've left a long comment. This chapter is working much better though, and I'm glad to see it. Keep it up, and it'll be interesting to see where you take this.

ps - like the penname (if I read it correctly, it's from the Simpsons, right?)

Author's Response: I have a lot of fun reviewing your comments. As for the pace of the story, I don't think that will change for a while. This is the part of the story where everything builds up. When the climax of the story happens you will notice a slower pace. As for the kissing scene, I thought of actually making it as odd sounding as possible. Harry lost out on most of his childhood and he was never really one for relationships so he still has a lot to learn. I also didn't really like writing the park scene but I felt that it was necessary for things that will come later on in the story. Sirius is alive (or isn't he) well the next two or three chapters will tell the tale of the rescue. There will be dementors involved because I am playing along with the fact that the war is over and the dementors were drawn back to Azkaban to work. As for the penname I guess you are right it is from the Simpsons but when I created it I didn't even think of that really. Well thanks for reviewing and might I recommend to other readers your one-shot 'It's All in the Stars',

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 322
Submit Report: