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Review:lowered_expectations says:
The long awaited chapter four – and I bet you’re getting rather sick of reviews that push the 6000 character limit with reckless abandon.

I really like your reference to Sirius in this chapter – it’s quick and it really works with Harry. It gives a foreboding sense to the chapter – that everyone who is guiding him through his decisions is dead. I also really enjoyed the parallel to the scene in the North Tower with Hermione’s quick paralysis of Harry.

As I was reading through this, feeling that – perhaps because it was an active chapter – it was warmer than the past three, I caught something that I think is a discarded beta note toward the bottom center – “When his (real) landed on Harry.”

I can’t say I’m great shakes at writing action, so please take this for what it is, but I did notice an area in this chapter where the story, active as it needs to be, still seemed to move too fast – the prose at least. When Harry realizes that Voldemort has disapperated, the knowledge would be crushing for him, but it’s forgivable for him to rush past it because the battle is still raging and there are still people in danger and Death Eaters to be dealt with but the attention you’ve already given to the appearance, and subsequent disappearance, of Peter Pettigrew, I think you wanted to make this moment punch a bit. It might have helped to dedicate a few sentences or two to the actual disappearance of Pettigrew – maybe the expression on his face, that Harry managed to catch through the darkness and the trees. As another note on this scene and, again a bit off topic, the phrase “punched the air” makes me burst into raucous laughter every time I read it and, as I don’t think that’s what you intended, I’m going to suggest a different phrasing for that passage. Maybe something more like – “The battle temporarily disappearing around him, Harry ran his fingers through his hair and cursed loudly – Wormtail was evading him yet again.” (Note, I left the expletive out of my example – partially because it’s not appropriate for a review and partially because a lot of brit-pickers have a problem with that particular phrase.)

Sorry, this review is a bit shorter than the others but with a lot less Moth, there was a lot less to say. On the positive side – check it out, just one review :P

Author's Response: i don't mind your reviews at all! yeah, chapter four was the one chapter i haven't edited and posted yet, so there are some mistakes and things. :) thank you for pointing them out, and i'm so glad that you took the time to review my fic!

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