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Review:Kerryanah Black says:
Heya you asked me for a eview but unfortunatly I had quit but now it's up and running again so here is your review. First of all I want to give you a big mwah for your second paragraph. It's very standy outy and catches the attention immediatly and so i was wondering if you could somehow make that your opening. The first paragraph however needs some work, it's a little confusing but all it needs is a little run through and a tweak every here and there.
I love your characters, the father, mother, uncle Alphard, evil aunt Lillith. they are all extremely wonderful and people i would love to write about. also a hug for not making them evil slave drivers who practice crucio on their kids and groom them to take over the world.
what you need to work on is a little description every now and then. Describe what the people look like, how does the house of black look like, how do their faces react when hearing something or saying something. Does someone have a habit of clearing their throat when they're nervous or do they blink rapidly, it's little details like this that will bulk up the story and make the characters more endearing and realistic.

I also love how you made the starting point of this story about something so trivial, which is bella's birth. i love beginnings like that. and i can see you have something up your sleeve to suprise us with and ruin the calm that is happening at the moment. a goos story, just a little bit of work needed, soldier on and you will achieve.

kerry. Reviewer

Author's Response: Hm...I might go back and switch those paragraphs around and edit the first one a bit, now that you mention it it could use some work. Thank you for helping you, and also the compliment about characters! Really that touches me. I definitely need to work on my descriptions, I agree. I think I have problems with that in every story. Thanks for the review and encouragement!

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