|Review:||Lyn Midnight says:|
Wow, what a shocking end! You know, your other chapters speak of something major, an event that changes everything. But I don’t see it in this one. I mean, you picture Remus’s fears well, and really have a grasp on the problem, but you picked just one of the many nights of his transformation. I thought you would rather write about a more shocking and meaningful moment, like when he realized that Sirius had betrayed him. Anyway, I think it is still good and very descriptive, just not to the point. There was a part when you write more about Peter, and I thought it was too much, seeing that this chapter is about Remus. I like the beginning, though. Maybe more than the rest. His thoughts about solitude. Also, I forgot to mention that you made the story very personal with the first person singular, so I can really hear them saying those things. I can even relate in some aspects.
I understand that you wanted to add some flashbacks, but maybe you should put an asterix or something. Then, I was wondering when you wrote that story, pre-HBP or after? Because Slughorn is the actual Potions teacher when they were at school, I think. Again, it should be James’s and Sirius’s. You wrote allover, you should divide the two. On the brighet side, I was amazed that Sirius was actually worried about Voldemort. As for the rest, from what you say it seems that Lily likes Remus and Remus likes Sirius! Wow, that'’ a new way to look at it. I always welcome new ideas. Well, onto the last review. So far, I have really enjoyed reading your story, though I wish it was longer...
Author's Response: The previous two chapters allude to significant events, but do not really show them (though in James' it sort of does). The point of the whole collection is just to write one-shots about the Marauders and get into their heads. I was first actually planning to write about the Incident from Snape's POV - maybe one day I'll still do that. From Remu's POV, that event would be too difficult because he'd have been in the form of a wolf, though the aftermath of that event would surely be quite interesting - though I'd do it as a separate story. *gasps for air as she typed that all without stopping*
The flashbacks are in italics - that's how I do all my flashbacks sop that they flow with the rest of the story. The ~ *** ~ thing I'll do sometimes is only for scene changes (sort of like in a play). Yes, this whole thing is pre-HBP - from the year before, I think. I'm just far to lazy to change it - my novel-length took me a month to edit, so I'm too afraid to work on this one too. =P
Why does everyone ask that my stories be longer? Well, this one is short by my current standards, but still, it's quite a compliment that people like my work so much. Thanks very much for the review, Lyn. =)