|Review:||Lyn Midnight says:|
This story has been in my favourites for months and I never got to reviewing it. Sorry about that. First of all, I think that choosing the moment after Sirius left his home is a really great choice. Actually, the best, because if you want to follow the footsteps, you must show the readers the turning points of the character. I really like diving into Sirius’s head, and in most cases, into his heart. Sometimes I make him act OOC, but that’s not the case with you. What is more, I can tell you have a good understanding of his nature, and your approach is really good. What impressed me the most were the following parts:
it was that I felt separated from the rest of the world.
Always the one who could never belong.
Those are the two sentences that I would use if someone asked me about Sirius. Sadly, this is his story. Not in the middle of events, but always facing the consequence nevertheless. I also liked the way you portrayed James, the little brat he was, and especially enjoyed Severus’s statement. It was more than adequate. Though the chapter was not exciting or eventful, it provided a profound profile of the main character/s. And the end was amazing. The best end ever! The only drawback was that Remus and Peter were not needed there. You could have skipped them. Though they are friends they could have been somewhere else at the time, after all, there are chapters for them, too. Now the technical parts.
You have ‘a empty’, should be ‘an empty’. It’s better to follow the rule, and change ‘James’, Remus’’ to James’s and Remus’s. And finally, I think Bellatrix was much older than the Marauders. Maybe saying so in an author’s note wouldn’t be such a bad idea! Overall, really powerful work. The best part is that you started with Sirius :wub:
Author's Response: You know, this is the earliest posted story I have on the site. There was an older one, but that got canned after a short time. This one, however, I've kept. In other words, I started this story in late 2004, which for me is an utter age ago in terms of writing and canon. I did edit this story a while ago to fill it out a bit, but I didn't really edit such details as Bella's age. Just the date of the story would have broadcasted that to the world, I think. ;-) It's like I keep this story as a memory of times lost... lol. =D
Sirius is a hard character for me to write, but I do try to keep him canon - not too playful and not too angsty. He's one of my favourite characters, though. His death is actually why I started writing HP fanfics. ^_^ But back to the story (because I tend to ramble). I really like to expand on the notion that Sirius feels disconnected somehow, mostly from his family. He's run away from home, and even though he's living with his best friend, there has to have been some sort of emptiness within him. That's what I tried to write about in this piece. It's not that I want to write about significant times in their lives - this story only focusses on the Marauder's sixth year - I just wanted a look into their minds and souls. =)
About Peter and Remus, since this was written a while ago, I can't really remember why I included them. It was probably just so that all the Marauders would appear together. To leave one or two of them out just didn't seem write. In all of my stories featuring the Marauders, I seem to make all of them appear at one point or another. They're just all connected in my brain, I guess. We all have our weaknesses. =P
I have added a note about HBP in the summary now and will also mention something about it being their sixth year. Thanks very much for the review. It's been a while since I've thought about this story. =)