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More Than Words by marauder lady
Format: Song fic
Chapter 1: More Than Words
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Harry Potter is JKR’s. The song More than Words is by Extreme
More Than Words
“KREACHER!” Sirius bellowed down the hall of Grimmauld Place. The little sod had injured Buckbeak the Hippogriff. Merlin knew why. Sirius went through the cupboards in the bathroom and found some old bandages, and siphoned off the dirt using his wand. He went back into his mother’s old room where Buckbeak was crouching in a corner. It took him a while but he eventually managed to clean and bandage the wound and calm the Hippogriff down enough for him to go to sleep.
Sirius went back into the kitchen, thinking he might get a glass of firewhiskey. He sat at the table, morosely, thinking of the events of the last year since Voldemort’s return. He was really only plodding on for Harry, because he needed him, otherwise he felt he would waste away.
The other person making it worth his while existing… he didn’t know what was between them anymore. Granted being on the run for a year had made it difficult for them to have The Talk; to see where they stood. But he, they, had been at Grimmauld Place for a year since then and there had never been the ‘right’ moment. There had been other people around, he had been on Missions for the Order, Sirius had been too drunk to have a rational conversation. He had been with Her. His baby cousin. He didn’t think anything had happened between them but he could see that there was something there.
The same as there had been between the two of them since school. Since Sirius had stopped his brother and his friends from attacking Remus; Sirius had taken him to the Room of Requirement and they had ended up kissing.
“Sirius?” Remus appeared in the doorway. As ever these days, he looked exhausted. “What are you doing?” He nodded at the bottle on the table.
“What does it look like?” Sirius asked, sarcastically. Remus looked at him steadily. He had been waiting for two years to have the conversation about their relationship with Sirius, but Sirius had never brought it up. And he was too scared to. He had spent too long on his own, being rejected by the wizarding community to want to risk rejection by Sirius.
“Drinking already?” Sirius shrugged.
“What Remus? Who does it really affect? Harry’s at school…” Remus sat down opposite him, wearily.
“That’s it, is it? Harry’s the only reason you’re here?”
“What else is there, Moony?” Sirius muttered, staring into his glass. Remus looked at him and could see vestiges of the boy, man, he had loved all those years ago. He had been heartbroken when he had thought Sirius had betrayed James and Lily.
“Have you really forgotten, Sirius?” Remus said eventually, exasperated. Sirius looked at him, and had a sudden urge to run his hands through Remus’ hair; to sit on the floor leaning against his leg like he used to.
“Forgotten?” Sirius scoffed, before his thoughts ran away with him.
“Yes, forgotten.” Remus repeated. “Have you forgotten everything that happened between us at school? Have you forgotten that we lived together until…” His voice trailed off, he did not need to remind either of them what the cause of their separation was.
“No, Moony. I haven’t forgotten. I didn’t think it was fair to bring it up; I was on the run, I thought you had enough to deal with.”
“Didn’t you think it might have made life just a little bit better?” Remus said, so quietly Sirius almost didn’t hear.
“I thought you had Dora to do that.” Sirius commented bitterly.
“Why would you think that?” Remus asked him, non plussed. He thought no one had noticed the fact that he and Sirius’ cousin talked and laughed together with increasing frequency.
“I’ve got eyes, Moony. I’ve seen you together.”
“And you thought I could find something more than what we had? You thought that was even possible for me?”
“So why didn’t you say anything?” Sirius challenged.
“I don’t know, I didn’t think it needed to be said. And then I thought it was too late to say it.” Sirius’ hand crept across the table to where Remus’ was lying. The tips of their fingers brushed together, sending a familiar jolt through both of them. Before any more could be said, the door opened and Nymphadora Tonks appeared on the thresh hold. Sirius and Remus both withdrew their hands, recognising they needed to talk about it more first before going public.
“Later.” Sirius mouthed at Remus, with the slightest wink. Remus responded with a half smile. Later.
Remus’ world had shattered. Watching Sirius fall through the veil had been the longest, most painful few seconds of his existence. There was a split second where he thought Bellatrix’s spell had missed. That Sirius was laughing to torment her that he was still alive.
But he was wrong. It hadn’t missed. And now Remus was broken. He had grabbed hold of Harry when he had tried to go after his godfather; when he was screaming and shouting his name just as he, Remus, had wanted to. He kept hold of Harry because he couldn’t bear to lose him too, the last connection he had to James and Lily. And Sirius.
If only Harry had realised that his vision was a trap and hadn’t gone charging to the Ministry to rescue him. If only Sirius hadn’t gone charging to the Ministry to save Harry. If only he hadn’t fought Bellatrix.
They were back at Grimmauld Place now, to get their belongings. Sirius had left it to Harry but they didn’t know if there would be any enchantments on the place to prevent that happening.
He looked in the chair that they had all thought of as Sirius’, the bottle of firewhiskey and his glass still sitting in front of it, as if waiting for him to return. Remus turned his eyes away. If he looked at it anymore he would start believing that Sirius was just in another room. Tending to Buckbeak, perhaps.
He knew he should have broached the subject with Sirius a lot sooner. They would have perhaps had a year or two together and perhaps they would’ve both been a little happier. God knows happiness was needed the way things were. Perhaps Sirius would have been a bit less reckless had they been honest with each other when they had first been reunited. And not left it until later, which there would now never be.
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
'Cause I'd already know
Inspired by 'More Than Words' by Extreme for toomanycurls' challenge