You are viewing a story from harrypotterfanfiction.com
Time by The_seeker12
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Format: Novel
Chapters: 4
Word Count: 9,246
Status: WIP
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Mild Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme, Contains Spoilers
Genres: Drama, Romance, Young Adult
Characters: Harry, Teddy, Scorpius, Albus, James (II), Lily (II), Hugo, Rose, OC, OtherCanon
Pairings: Other Pairing, Rose/Scorpius, James/OC, Lily/OC
First Published: 03/30/2012
Last Chapter: 09/25/2012
Last Updated: 09/25/2012
Summary:Banner: a qui de droit @ TDA || Sequel to Gone || Scorpius/Rose, Al/OC
I never realized how precious life could be until it slipped right through my fingertips.
Disclaimer: JKR owns them all :'(
I stretch, happy to finally be free of that horrid hospital bed. With a slight sigh I make my way around the perimeter of St. Mungos, knowing I’ll have to go back inside in a little bit.
Dad woke up yesterday, and it seems like life has returned to normal. Almost. Scorpius has been on and off for a few days. Rose told me she had visited his mum with him the morning of the fight in the department of ministries. I haven’t really been able to talk to him alone about it.
The strangest thing is… James and Lily actually like Scorpius. Whether that’s because he brought dad back or just because he’s a good guy I’m not entirely sure. As I wander back through the doors of St. Mungos I bump into Scorpius, who looks pale and tried, his eyes slightly red and puffy.
I sigh. “Scorpius…”
He looks up at me and turns away, shaking his head slightly, starting back up the hallway.
“Are you mad at me?” I ask, following behind him. He seems to freeze and turns to look at me.
After a moment he shakes his head and says, “I’m not.” I frown and Scorpius suddenly looks ashamed. “It’s just… You’ve got your life back, and it’s almost like mine has fallen into pieces.” I feel my brow furrow, and he looks up at me with sad silver eyes. “My mum’s dead. My dad’s in jail. You’ve got your dad back.” He shrugs, but I notice his trembling lip and the tears filling his eyes. He turns away a little and swipes at his face, wiping away tears angrily. I pretend not to notice because I know he doesn’t want me to. In our friendship, as short as it’s been, he’s almost always been the strong one there for me. Now he’s the one who’s breaking, and he doesn’t want to show it.
I sigh and pull him into an empty room. After a moment I ask, “Do you want to stay with us for the rest of the summer?”
He blinks a few times at me, confused, and then asks, “What?”
“Stay with us at the burrow,” I say softly, almost imploring him. “It might help… I dunno.” There’s a short awkward pause and then I finish quickly, “They won’t mind. Please, Scorpius. I feel bad asking you to stay at that place.”
He knows that by “that place” I mean Malfoy manor. After a moment he nods slowly and mutters, “Thanks. I’ll… I’ll see you later. I’ll go pack my stuff, I guess.”
I watch him depart sadly and turn down the hall, wandering back to my dad’s hospital room. I find him alone.
He looks up at me and smiles. I smile back. I settle down at the foot of his bed as he asks, “You okay, Al?”
I nod slowly and then suddenly say, “Dad.” He looks at me, blinking, nodding for me to continue. “Er…” I bite my lip. “Can Scorpius spend the rest of the summer with us?” I see his eyes narrow a bit, so I add, “His mum died and his dad’s in Azkaban, and…” I look to dad helplessly.
He nods slowly and finally says, “Yes. Of course.” He smiles slightly at me, his emerald eyes sparkling. “You two saved my life, Al.”
I shrug, hoping my face isn’t red. After a moment I lean against the railing of his bed and say, “You’re my dad. Of course I did.”
After a moment he leans over and ruffles my hair. “You didn’t have too.” He pulls back at this, watching me gently and asks, “So why did you?”
I pause, and then respond, “I couldn’t believe that you were dead. You weren’t, I knew you weren’t, and I couldn’t just sit there and wait until something happened. I had to know. I—”
Dad smiles at me, and I know he understands what I’m trying to say. I leave the room quietly as the healer comes in to talk to him, a smile still written on my face.
It’s later that night when everyone’s back at the Burrow that Scorpius arrives. He looks exhausted. I shoot him a glance, but he just smiles, shaking his head at me. He settles down in a chair at the long table and is instantly engaged in a conversation with James, whose animated expressions make everyone near him laugh. I smile slightly and turn to look at Rose, who’s staring at Scorpius, her face red.
I try to keep a smirk from slipping across my face as I mutter, “You okay there, Rosie?”
She glares at me slightly and mutters, “Shut up and wipe that smirk off you face, Al. You’ll know what this feels like someday, and then I’ll be the one smirking at you.”
“Ooh… Ouch. That one hurt, Rosie.”
Her eyes narrow. “Shut up. Really, just be quiet, please.”
I roll my eyes at her and she glares back. After a moment I finally say, “Okay. Sorry. Just don’t kill me.”
She freezes slightly and the giggles, hitting my arm. I grin at her. I glance down the table to see my dad and mum laughing together with Uncle Ron, Aunt Hermione, and Uncle George at Uncle Percy who was apparently slipped something from Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes as he’s turned into a canary. I notice Fred smirking from next to Uncle Percy and roll my eyes a bit.
Rose smiles. “Things are back to normal it seems,” she murmurs, but her eyes never leave Scorpius’s form from behind me.
Later that night I find Scorpius sitting on my bed when I walk in the room. “Hey.” I grin at him, still a little worried that he hates me a bit. I mean, if it was my family that fell to pieces and his that was fixed I might find it hard not to resent him at least a little bit. “What’s up?”
He smiles softly at me, his blue-grey eyes twinkling, and questions quietly, “Which bed is mine?”
I nod slightly to the one across the room and Scorpius walks over to it, plopping down on it with a sigh.
I turn away from the desk to look at him and finally ask, “Are you okay?”
He shrugs. After a pause he adds, “Oh!” He turns and digs in his bag, grabbing a few old, beaten looking books. I raise an eyebrow at this, but he doesn’t really notice as he blows the dust off of them, handling them carefully. He reaches out, passing them to me and says, “They’re Zabini’s. I stopped by his apartment.”
“Why?” I ask, narrowing my eyes suspiciously at the books.
Scorpius glances around nervously, as if someone might be peering in the window or eavesdropping at the door (I wouldn’t put that past about half my family, though) and hear what he’s about to tell me, and finally says, “So that we can figure out what that spell that hit you was.”
I pause pulling back. “I don’t want to know,” I mutter in a trembling voice, frowning slightly.
“Why not?” Scorpius demands, following me across the room, his arms outstretched as if he’s reaching for something.
“Why not?” I repeat, rounding on him. “Because. What if it’s something terrible? What if I wind up blaming myself for something bad happening?”
“Wouldn’t you rather know instead of wondering your whole life though?” Scorpius snaps back, glaring slightly at me.
I pause and run a hand through my hair, finally saying, “Sorry. You’re right.”
I don’t want to fight with Scorpius. I don’t know what’s suddenly happened between the two of us that’s making things so tense—it’s probably my fault—but I still don’t want to fight with him. I enjoy spending time with him too much.
He smiles slightly, relaxing now and says back, “I always am, aren’t I?”
I let out a slight chuckle. After a short pause I flip open the book, running my hand over the page and ask, “You’re sure it’s in here?”
He shrugs. “One of them.” He brushes some of his hair out of his eyes, irritated, before continuing, “I have no clue which one though.”
I glance down at them and mutter, “I guess we’ll find it eventually.”
Scorpius nods slightly, looking out the window. I frown when I notice this, knowing he’s still upset over his mum. “Scorpius…” I start, but then pause, not knowing what else to say.
Scorpius chokes out a watery laugh and says, “I’ll be fine. It’s just… I don’t want to talk about it.”
I stop, biting my lip, and finally walk over and stop next to him, tossing Zabini’s books on my bed and patting Scorpius’s back softly. He smiles a little, softly, and finally says, “We should probably get some sleep.”
I nod, moving over to my bed and dumping the stuff cluttered on there on the floor. I pause however, looking at the books and grab the first one off the pile, shoving it under my pillow while I push the other two under the bed.
“Nox,” I mutter, flicking my wrist, and the lights wink out, leaving me in darkness.
A/N: Hello everyone! Welcome to the sequel! Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s practically squealing out of excitement right now…
Anyways… Kind of a boring chapter, but things will pick up soon, I promise. And besides, you’ll get to see everyone at Hogwarts, which is fun. I don’t think I’ve ever written a story with any of my next gen characters at Hogwarts. It’ll be interesting.
Anyhow, here’s the preview for chapter two:
I glance at James and he smiles at me. I turn away for a second, closing my eyes tightly to stop the tears, and then scoop some food on my plate, pretending that was why I turned away, before looking back at him.
He’s still smiling.
How can the world seem so bright and… good again to everyone else when it’s falling to pieces around me? What did I do wrong? Why does this have to keep happening to me? I just want to go back to normal. I would trade almost anything for everything to go back to the way it was before dad was missing. Even if James and Lily were ignoring me and I didn’t know Scorpius. It’s not that I don’t love them, because I do, more than anything. But it’s just that I… I don’t… I don’t want to…
Anyone confused? *raises eyebrows* you’re supposed to be. (At least a little bit.) XD
I’ll get chapter two up soon, promise. Thank you all for sticking around to read the sequel!
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone you recognize...
“It’s not over,” a soft voice hisses in my ear. “You know that it’s not. Can’t you feel it, Potter?”
I’m in a dark room, unable to see anything. I shift uncomfortably, glancing about and mutter, “Who’s there?”
“You know me,” the voice says in a mocking tone. “Why, I’m the one who will have caused your death quite soon.”
“What does that mean?” I snap, trying to turn towards the voice.
“You’ll figure out soon enough. Now. Enough questions Potter.” I turn some more, but I still can’t see anything. “I’m sure you’re a bit curious, but I can’t stand all the pestering.”
I frown, shifting again.
I can almost hear his smirk as he adds, “Do you want to die, Potter?” There’s a long pause. I manage to turn fully around to see Blaise Zabini smirking at me. “I don’t think so…”
I jerk upright, gasping. It takes a moment of glancing about for me to realize where I am. “Oh, bloody hell,” I groan to myself. Why the dreams? They’re annoying as hell. It won’t get out of my head now. It’s almost like the visions and prophecies (not that I have experience with the latter) but once you see them the never go away. I can still recall what I saw in my first vision. It was a bit childish I suppose, a simple vision when I was eight about my brother breaking his leg, but low and behold it turned out to be true—proved by James just an hour after that. I was scared to death.
But this dream—this vision—seems different, and I don’t really know why. I chew at my lip before reaching under my pillow and bringing out one of Zabini’s books.
Since I can’t fall back asleep I might as well do something useful. I pull my wand of the bedside table, muttering, “Lumos,” as I flip to the first page and scan quickly.
“Beata poena”* makes the subject feel euphoria while their body fights off a vast amount of pain…
“Pugna”** puts the subject into submission unwillingly—more mentally scaring then the Imperius curse…
I shudder as I flip through a few more pages. This man is sick and twisted. How could anybody come up with these things and actually think they were good ideas?
Scorpius shifts in his bed and I glance at him, but he doesn’t open his eyes. I consider waking him up for a moment, but decide against it. He needs the rest. He’s been so worked up over his family…
Sighing, I turn back to the book.
“Conteram”*** will break whatever you point it at, whether that be a person’s bones or a piece of furniture…
“Tenebris Somnia”**** makes the subject have horrible visions and dreams of bad things happening. Can drive a person insane.
I shake my head, as if that will erase the fact that I’m reading about these horrible spells and their uses. I’m about to give up when I glance down and see the entry on the next page.
“Aestas Inclinatus”*****
My breath hitches in my lungs and I freeze, staring at the words. That’s it. It’s right there. A part of me wants to read as much about it as fast as possible while the other part of me wants to shut the book and never look at it again. Working up to find whatever courage I have left in myself, I gulp and nervously trace my eyes down the page to read what the spell means. When I see the words following the spell name I jerk upright, a strangled gasp escaping my mouth, as the book falls out of my now numb hands and to the floor, pulling a few of the sheets of the bed with it.
“Al?” A voice asks drowsily. I whirl around hastily to see Scorpius sitting up in his bed, blinking at me, a worried expression in his blue-grey eyes.
I don’t even know when he woke up, and I suppose I don’t really want to know. I just want to pretend I never read that journal.
“What?” I ask, my voice high and squeaky. I scramble off the bed and grab the book, clutching it to my chest. I won’t let him see it. I won’t let him see what it says. No. It’s too much right now…
“Is something wrong?” He pauses, squinting to see my expression in the bare light from my wand and mutters almost to himself, “Of course something’s wrong. You look upset. What is it? Al?”
I swallow, ignoring my trembling hands and shove the book back under the pillow. “I—I’m fine. Really, S—Scorpius. Everything is alright.” No. Nothing is fine. I know he won’t believe me, but I have to try anyways.
His eyes narrow and he says in response, “Somehow I don’t believe that, Al. Sorry. So why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I force out desperately. “Scorpius, it’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing if it’s bothering you this much,” he retorts, glaring a bit at me in irritation.
I stumble for words for a moment. I won’t let him see what I saw. It’s too much to tell him right now—I don’t think he’d be able to handle it, but I don’t know how to do this on my own. It’s like my whole world has crashed down around me and I don’t even know what to do anymore. I don’t even know if there’s a way to fight it. I don’t want to give up, but there were no notes about a counter-spell or anything like that.
I just want everything to be normal again. I got dad back. Why can’t that be enough? Why does this have to happen now? Why when everything is suddenly right again does this have to come up?
“I… I’ll tell you later,” I finally say softly, closing my eyes. I sit back down on my bed, checking one more time to make sure the book is under the pillow even though I know it seems a bit paranoid. “Just… Get some sleep. ‘Night, Scorpius.”
There’s a long pause. I feel his eyes on me the whole time, as if he’s trying to figure out what’s wrong just by looking at me. Finally, he seems to give up and responds, “Alright. Goodnight, Al.”
I flick my wand, watching its light flicker off as Scorpius rolls over, falling asleep in just a few minutes.
I lay on my bed, staring out the window at the stars twinkling in the night sky. They seem brighter, so much more lit up. More beautiful than I had ever thought before. I close my eyes and then open them again quickly, searching the sky.
I know there’s no way I’m going to fall asleep again. I might as well do something to try and distract myself for the next few hours.
I’m still awake five hours later at nine in the morning when the rest of my family decides to wake up. I can hear footsteps moving through the hall, down the stairs. And, of course, the loud, boisterous voices that could only belong to my family members. I roll a little in bed, turning to look at Scorpius. He’s still asleep, the covers pulled about to about his chin, snoring a little.
I manage a smile at that, but it quickly drops off my face. How I am going to pretend everything’s normal when I get downstairs? Nothing is supposed to be wrong anymore. I have to convince my family of that. But how?
Running a hand through my hair, I stand up and quickly get dressed, making my way downstairs for breakfast.
James greets me at the table and drags me into the seat next to his. “You ready to go back to Hogwarts, seventh year?” His eyes sparkle mischievously.
I raise an eyebrow. “What’s with you? You can’t be planning more pranks. You’re not even going back.”
A smirk lights his face and he leans back in his chair. “Why, Al, you can’t know that?”
“That you’re not going back? Did you fail a class or something? Oh, that’ll be good.” I grin at him. I missed this playful banter with James over the past few years. And besides, it’s keeping my mind off the spell.
He rolls his eyes. “Nah. But I convinced Lou and a few others to come to me when they want a prank idea. I’ve still got some tricks up my sleeve.”
I groan. “Great. Well, I guess I’ll still have to watch my back then, even though you’re not there. Brilliant.”
James grins and I feel my bottom lip tremble a bit. It’s hard to imagine that with the spell this could be… I could be…
“You okay, Al?” James’s voice sounds a little concerned. I look up at him quickly, biting the inside of my cheek to get rid of the tears.
“I’m fine,” I say in a bit of a choked voice. Clearing my throat I add, “It just seems kind of surreal right now, you know?” I’m lying again. Maybe there’s a reason I was put in Slytherin.
James blinks and then mutters, “Yeah.” He smiles softly at me and ruffles my hair, something he used to do when we younger. Normally, I would laugh or glare at him, but now the memories of it all makes me want to start bawling. “You’re pretty amazing. To get dad back like that.” His eyes twinkle at me as he pushes his glasses back up his nose.
I want to bawl again. “I’m not,” I finally force out. “I just wanted dad back.”
“We all did,” James agrees. “But you were the only one smart enough and brave enough to do something about it.”
I glance at James and he smiles at me. I turn away for a second, closing my eyes tightly to stop the tears, and then scoop some food on my plate, pretending that was why I turned away, before looking back at him.
He’s still smiling.
How can the world seem so bright and… good again to everyone else when it’s falling to pieces around me? What did I do wrong? Why does this have to keep happening to me? I just want to go back to normal. I would trade almost anything for everything to go back to the way it was before dad was missing. Even if James and Lily were ignoring me and I didn’t know Scorpius. It’s not that I don’t love them, because I do, more than anything. But it’s just that I… I don’t… I don’t want to…
“Al!” I turn sharply at the other voice to see Rose coming down the stairs followed by Louis. I close my eyes, grimacing a bit. If there’s anyone who can see through me it’s Rose, closely followed by Louis. I don’t know how to keep my act going, but I can’t let them know what’s happening. I open my eyes and force a wide smile at them, hoping they won’t see how fake it is.
“You alright, mate?” Louis asks as he settles down into the chair across from me, ignoring Fred and Roxanne who are yelling at each other on the other side of the room. Rose rolls her eyes in the direction of the two before sitting next to Louis.
“I’m fine,” I say. “Really.”
Rose raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t comment so I figure I’m convincing enough. What I really need is for Scorpius to come down, because Rose doesn’t pay any attention to me when he’s around, and then I’d only have to deal with Louis prying, and he’s much easier to fool then Rose.
Louis grins slightly at me. “You should see Hugh, Al. He looks like a zombie again.”
I roll my eyes. “He always does, doesn’t he? He’d wake up at noon everyday if it was possible.”
Rose laughs. “And you don’t have to live with him. The only people who can actually wake him up before lunch and not get screamed at are mum and Aunt Ginny.”
“They’d scream right back,” James mutters dryly, causing Louis and Rose to laugh with him. I join in quickly, hoping they don’t hear how nervous I sound.
I can’t keep this up for too long. I’m already off to a bad start at fooling everyone, and it’s only been about six hours since I found out.
I frown a bit, but before Rose or anyone else can question, Scorpius comes down the stairs, a slight smile on his face. He sits down next to Rose while shooting me a worried glance that reads: You’re going to tell me what happened last night.
I sigh and give him a slight nod, although I don’t plan on telling him anytime soon. He doesn’t need to know that, though.
I glance at Rose, who has turned a bit red, due to the fact that Scorpius reached across the table to grab the fruit and his hand brushed hers. He doesn’t even seem to notice: not that their hands touched, not that she’s red… I roll my eyes a bit at this. How can two people be so blind and clueless?
I turn to look as more footsteps come down the stairs, seeing mum stop and kiss dad quickly, laughing, before darting into the kitchen and asking, “Mum? Do you need any help in there?”
I grin slightly at dad as he settles down at the table next to Uncle Ron, Aunt Hermione, and Uncle George. They strike up a quick conversation as Louis finally says, “So, um, you guys ready for Hogwarts?”
“I’m going to miss it!” James proclaims loudly. “But I’ll come watch your Quidditch games.” He looks at me sternly. “I’m only telling you that you better win because you’re my brother. Just… Don’t kill Gryffindor too bad. They better get second place, Al.”
Scorpius smirks. “My skills as a chaser are better than Al’s seeking skills ever were.”
“Hey!” I protest, turning to him. “That’s not cool! Just because you can fly around and toss the quaffle doesn’t make you better.”
Scorpius grins. “Nah. I’m just a better flier, even though you inherited your father’s genes.”
“Oh, shut up,” I grumble at him, at which James, Louis, and Rose all laugh. I smile a bit, still trying to pretend everything is alright, even though it’s not. Nothing is alright. It can’t be, but I can’t let them know that. The whole family has just gotten my dad back; they don’t need to deal with my mess now. And I don’t want to put that pressure on them.
Scorpius still doesn’t seem fooled. I glance nervously at him but then shake my head. I can’t tell him. It’d be worse for him then it would be for everyone else. I mean, we actually got dad back. He’s lost his whole family. And I can’t just tell him that I’ll be… That I… That I’m… That I’m going to…
I shake my head quickly. I can’t even think it. I can’t think about it. I look down at my hands and notice that they’re trembling.
Mum enters with a smile, saying something about going to Diagon alley for school supplies. I use that as an excuse to take off upstairs and lock myself in my room for a moment, trying to calm myself.
I only catch one thing as I dart up the stairs, which is Rose saying to Scorpius, “Do you have any idea what’s wrong with him?”
Clenching my hand against the railing, I close my eyes tight, willing myself not to cry. They can’t know that anything is wrong.
I won’t let them.
A/N: Sorry for the long wait! :( Anyhow, still confused? Let’s hope so. You find out what the spell does when Scorpius gets it out of Al, so you’ll have to wait a few chapters. Sorry.
James! Yay, yay, yay! I love writing him now that he’s all happy and not grumpy and annoying like he was for the first half of Gone. But, sadly, there won’t be as much of him in this story as he’s not going back to Hogwarts. :(
Preview?:
And now I’m crying. I swipe hastily, almost angrily, at the tears, sniffling a bit. I am not going to cry over this. I’m not going to let it destroy me, because that’s exactly what Zabini would want.
I won’t… I won’t give him what he wants. I won’t.
Transltions: * is good pain. ** literally means fight. *** means break (big surprise there). **** means dark dreams, and ***** means year down.
What’d you think? A review would make my day. :) *Hint, hint, wink, wink…*
Disclaime: I don't own Al or Scorpius...
I stare at the smoke drifting around the scarlet Hogwarts express sadly, knowing this will be one of the last times I see it.
Dad smiles a bit at me. “Kind of sad, isn’t it?” He asks after a moment. “One of your last times really getting on that train. I mean, you’ll still see it when you bring your kids here someday, but you’ll never step foot on it again after this year.” I know he’s reminiscing about his Hogwarts years, but I can’t say anything. How can I tell him that I might not… I won’t…
I still can’t finish my thoughts when it comes to this matter, apparently. I close my eyes.
For once I can understand what people see in life, when they become desperate, reaching out to anyone before something bad happens. Why criminals actually confess to their crimes, why people get attached to others even though they know they’re going to leave soon. I get it. I really do. It’s the fear. The fear of being alone. Of not having someone understand why. Because that’s the question everyone wants to ask. Why did this happen? Why now? Why me? Why?
I open my eyes, swallowing. I glance at dad, who still looks caught up in his memories, and announce, “I’m going to go get on the train.”
He smiles, looking at me, and hugs me goodbye, his emerald eyes sparkling. Mum pounces on my next, and then James gives me (an obviously manly) hug goodbye. The rest of my family waves as I board the train, settling into the first open compartment I can find. I shove my luggage up on the rack and lean my head against the bench, groaning. For a very long minute that seems like hours I sit there, wondering how all this could have happened. How I could’ve been stupid enough to actually let that spell hit me. I should’ve known better, I…
And now I’m crying. I swipe hastily, almost angrily, at the tears, sniffling a bit. I am not going to cry over this. I’m not going to let it destroy me, because that’s exactly what Zabini would want.
I won’t… I won’t give him what he wants. I won’t.
“Hey,” a soft voice says. “Are you okay, Al?”
I turn around to see Scorpius standing in the doorway of the compartment, staring at me, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” No. I’m not fine at all.
He frowns at me. “How oblivious do you think I am?” He snorts, rolling his eyes a bit at me as he settles down onto the bench next to me.
“Well, you still are adamant that Rose doesn’t like you, so…” I say lightly, trying to change the topic quickly.
“Because she doesn’t,” Scorpius says shortly, frowning a little.
“She does,” I retort, grinning a little.
“No she doesn’t.”
“Yes she does.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“N—Wait.” He pauses, frowning. “Were you trying to get me off topic on purpose?” he asks with a slight frown in my direction.
“Uh… no…” I say innocently, hoping he won’t see through that too. The answer truthfully would be yes.
Scorpius raises an eyebrow at me. “Albus Severus Potter”—Oh, great, this can’t be good—“Will you bloody well stop avoiding the topic and just tell me what’s wrong already?”
“I… I can’t!” I splutter, glancing about nervously, swallowing. “Please, Scorpius, stop pushing me. I can’t… I… I don’t want to talk about it.”
“But I want to help,” Scorpius says softly, a pleading look crossing his face. “Al, are you afraid to tell me or something? I’m sorry, I just… I just want everything to go back to normal, you know?”
“But it can’t,” I gasp, turning away from him and out the window to see my family members waving goodbye as the train starts to pull out of the station. Tears fill my eyes as I feel my bottom lip tremble but I push them away again. I can’t tell him. Not right now. I can’t put even more pressure and possible pain into his life. I can’t do that to him. This might be destroying me, but I can’t—I just can’t—let this destroy him too. No. I won’t.
“Well why not?” He says with a nervous sounding laugh. “You have your life back. Your dad. My family will be fine eventually, even though it’s a mess right now. What else could possibly be wrong?”
You have no idea, Scorpius. You have no idea. “Everything,” I whisper quietly, willing myself not to cry. Merlin. When did I become such a softie? First dad and now this… I’ve turned into a complete cry baby. I swallow a little.
“What do you mean?” Scorpius demands. “Everything’s been fixed! How can it be wrong again?” There’s an edge to his voice, and I know he’s thinking about his parents. For me everything has been fixed. It hasn’t for him. I dragged him right into my life and in the process of helping me whatever semblance he had of a normal life feel apart. His mother died. His dad’s in Azkaban. But things still aren’t right for me. Not anymore. Not the way I thought they were. I thought everything could go back to the way it was before. But it won’t. Now I realize how wrong I was.
It’s like I’ve been slapped in the face, hit with a bucket of cold ice water, woken up from a dream to come face to face with a nightmare and knowing there’s no hope of ever seeing daylight again. And that feeling, that sickening, hopeful feeling, that instinctive survival nature has kicked in, screaming at me to do something, but I’m just sitting here, paralyzed and in shock.
It’s like I want to do something but deep down inside I know there’s nothing, absolutely nothing, that I can do.
“You don’t understand,” I tell him, unable to turn around and face him.
“Well obviously I don’t! Maybe if you tried to explain it to me than I might actually know what you’re talking about!” Scorpius snaps, and I can almost feel his glare on my back.
That’s the other thing he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand how hard this is. How much it’s tearing me apart inside. He can’t see that part that I’ve fought to hide. He can’t see it. And that’s why he’ll never understand. Because he can’t see how weak I truly am inside, how much I want to just give up now. I don’t want to fight. I just want it to be over. And soon. I don’t want it to be so prolonged, as simple as watching a clock tick down the seconds. I can’t handle that. I can’t. And yet I’m still holding it all inside myself. Because the other thing I can’t do is show everyone. I’m part of a family where we have to be near perfect or else the press has a field day. For my whole life almost all of them have tried to fix me. To make me perfect. And I don’t want to give them a real reason to fix me. I want to be independent for once in my life, to be my own person. Not the Albus Potter who can’t get out of his parent’s shadows, but the Albus Potter that I see myself as. The person that I create.
I don’t quite know who he is yet. Maybe a healer. Maybe an auror. Maybe some loony fortune teller (that would be just my luck. Me as the next Trelawney. Yay.) But really, I don’t care as long as he’s unique and as long as he’s me. Because that’s all that really matters. I want to find who I am. Just me. Nobody else. I don’t ever want to hear “you look exactly like your dad” or “you play Quidditch just as well as your parents” or “you’re brilliant at Defense against the Dark Arts. Just like your father” or “you act so much like your mum” ever again. I don’t even want to be compared to James. I want to find myself. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.
And I might not be able to know.
“No, you won’t get it!” I say loudly, turning to look at him desperately. “You won’t! And you can’t help, not the way you want too. No one can. I’m all alone, Scorpius. All alone.”
“No, you’re not,” he insists, frowning at me as hurt flashes through his eyes. I flinch at this. Sometimes I wonder if it would hurt him more if I tell him or if I don’t tell him. I seem to hurt him every time I try to hide from him, but I think it would hurt more in the long run if I did tell him. I can’t make up my mind.
Part of me desperately wants to tell him. I know he’d do whatever he could to help, and I need comfort like that right now. I need someone to tell me it will be okay. Someone to be there when I fall. Because the falling is inevitable really. There’s no way around it. I will lose it at one point. And I know I’ll need someone to be there for me when I do.
But… At the same time… I can’t tell him. I just can’t. I destroyed his life once. I can’t allow myself to do that to him again. He lost both of his parents. I’m beginning to worry that every time I enter his life I just cause destruction. I don’t want to do that to him. So I won’t tell him. I won’t.
Really, the question is who do I want to hurt more? Me, him, or just both of us? If anyone is the one who has to carry it all on his shoulders I want it to be. I might not be able to handle it well, but I can still handle it. And for Scorpius’s sake I have to. I have to suffer in silence to keep him from hurting again.
“Albus,” his voice interrupts my thoughts. “Please, I’m begging you.” I look up and his silver-blue eyes meet mine. “You are the only person I’ve got left. Please don’t pull away from me. Please.”
I feel my bottom lip tremble again as my eyes fill with tears. “Soon I won’t be,” I say softly, frowning.
“What?” Scorpius asks, blinking at me.
“Nothing,” I snap, pulling back again. I swore to myself I wouldn’t tell him. I won’t tell anyone. Not Scorpius. Not Rose. Not Louis. Not James. Not dad. No one. I can’t do it to them. Not when things have just started getting better.
“Stop pulling away!” Scorpius growls at me, anger and sadness flashing through his eyes. “Please! Albus, you can’t pull away from me. You promised you wouldn’t. You said you’d be there.”
I close my eyes. “Well some promises just have to be broken, don’t they?” I take a deep breath and reach for my bag as I stand up, planning on leaving the compartment before things get even more difficult.
“Don’t you dare.” His voice stops me cold, causes me to freeze. “Don’t you dare say that. I may not have known you for long, Albus, but the Albus Potter I know would never say that to anyone.”
“Well maybe you just don’t know me well enough,” I say, whirling around to face him, glaring.
“Oh, is that what you think? That these past months have meant nothing? I gave up my family to help you, Albus! I have no family anymore. Who do you think you are, pulling away now? When I need you the most!” Scorpius’s face is flushed, the words spilling out of his mouth in a torrent. I feel horrible instantly. It amazes me how easily he can make me feel terrible about myself. But I still can’t tell him. It would break him more. I know it would.
“Maybe I’ve just been this way the whole time,” I suggest, not meaning it at all, while still glaring at him.
“But you’re not!” He shouts. I jerk back quickly in surprise, blinking at him. He takes a deep breath and finally says in a broken sounding voice, “But you’re not, Albus. You’re not like this at all. You are a good person. A genuinely good person. You care. And that’s why I need you right now. Because you care. So why?” It breaks my heart to see the tears filling his eyes. Oh, Merlin, why me? Why do I have to do this? “Why?” He repeats. “Why are you doing this to me? I just want to help, Al. I want to help, because you’ve always been there for me. And I’ve tried to do the same for you. So why are you pulling away now?”
I let out a trembling breath and sink to the floor as my legs go weak. “Because I can’t,” I say softly, staring at my hands as tears fill my eyes and the colors of the compartment blur together, making everything look like undistinguishable blobs of color, shapes that I can’t make out. “I can’t. I can’t tell you. I can’t do that to you. I can’t, Scorpius. Because you need me, and that’s why I can’t tell you.”
“So pulling away from me is better?” He asks brokenly, kneeling down on the floor next to me.
“Yeah,” I say on a sob, hoping he’ll understand.
“That makes… no sense,” he whispers. “I want to understand. But I can’t. What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that I hurt you more in the long run if I tell you.” I pull my knees to my chest, crying into them quietly. “It… It hurts me… too, you know?” I work out through the tears, hoping he can figure out my meaning. “But… But I can’t… I can’t… Hurt you… More than I… Already have…”
Scorpius reaches out and pats my back awkwardly, as if not sure what else to do. “You haven’t hurt me at all.”
“It’s… my fault… your dad’s in… Azkaban,” I force out, blinking away tears to stare at him.
“He was always ready to pull away anyways,” Scorpius says softly. “And you can’t blame yourself for my mum’s death. It was going to happen soon, whether you were there or not.”
“But it is my fault.” I shake my head slowly, still staring at my hands.
Scorpius loses any patience he had and finally groans, “Will you stop stalling and bloody tell me what’s going on? I want to help you, Al, not sit here in a train compartment and cry about it. I want to understand.”
“I can’t…” My voice sounds strangled as I force out the two words. It’s hard. It’s so hard to push him away. But I have to do it.
“For Merlin’s sake,” he growls. “Will you just bloody cut the crap, Albus and tell me what’s going on?”
“No! Don’t you get it?” I take in a trembling breath, trying to stop my hands from shaking. I can’t help it. I can’t, because all the words are tumbling out of my mouth even though I said I wouldn’t tell him. And suddenly I have to tell him. I need help. I need someone. Even though he won’t understand. “Scorpius.” I look up at him fearfully. “I’m going to die.”
A/N: … Dun, dun, dun… *sigh* Ignore me. I had to do that. Anyhow, I apologize for the long wait and the fairly short chapter. I really ought to work on making them longer, but that chapter was giving me a headache. I can’t write those two fighting. It just doesn’t work for me.
Well, Al gave a sort of confession. You figure out the whole thing two chapters from now. And I hope you don’t get too mad at me when you figure it out. Some of you might even be mad at me now. Just don’t question. Go along with it. But if you want to have an outcry of, “what? How could you possibly do that to Al?” Then I’ll still read it. Maybe. :P
Preview?:
“You know, you’re acting a little weird, Allie,” Louis announces.
“Am I?” I ask, shooting him a glance. Scorpius shifts uncomfortably nearby. I force my face devoid of emotion and add, “Or are you just imagining it?”
Louis grins. “That sounds more like you.”
A review would make my day. (Another one of those awkward hint, hint, wink, wink moments...)
Disclaimer: Over my long disappearence I have not suddenly become JK Rowling
A long silence fills the compartment as Scorpius stares at me disbelievingly, large silver blue eyes wide. I stare right back, shifting uncomfortably, unable to say anything else. There’s nothing to say at the moment. I told myself I wasn’t going to tell him this and yet I did. Because as much as I don’t want to hurt him, I need Scorpius. He’s my best friend and he’s always been there for me. Even if we’ve only known each other for a year.
Finally, Scorpius opens his mouth and whispers, “What?” His voice sounds so broken that I look away quickly, staring at the red fabric of the bench that my hands are clenched tightly into. I can’t tell him the rest. I just can’t. I’ve already told him too much and I wish I could take it all back. I don’t want to ruin Scorpius’ life. I just want him to be happy. With or without me around.
“I…” That’s the only word I can say and it hangs in the air, the sign of a confession not to come, throwing up a wall in between us. There’s nothing I can tell him that won’t hurt him even more. I’ve hurt Scorpius enough in the past year. He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t have a family, doesn’t have a home, and I’m his only friend. There’s absolutely nothing I can do to fix this though. Which is why I can’t tell him. Because if I can’t fix it then nobody else can, and soon enough I’ll be gone, just some body underneath a headstone, a lasting memory.
Nobody else deserves to go through that with me.
Scorpius is shaking now. He tries to hide it, but I can still tell. He’s afraid for me and honestly it makes me want to smile and cry at the same time. I feel peaceful. Like I know that there’s absolutely no way to fix this. It’s not any prophecy or vision, it just is. It’s the way life goes now. Truthfully, it seems accurate. I don’t know how to fix a spell that only one person has ever used. Especially when said one person is locked up in Azkaban.
Suddenly, his voice rings through the compartment, breaking our thick silence. “Spit it out,” he whispers. “Don’t lie to me, Al.”
I close my eyes. I can’t. I bite my bottom lip hard, most likely drawing blood, but I don’t even care. I can’t tell him the rest. I just can’t. It’s too much, too painful. And nobody can help me so it’s not like there’s anything that can fix that.
That’s when the compartment door flies open and I look up quickly, eyes widening as I wipe the blood off my lip. Scorpius jolts into his seat, turning his head to peer out the window at the trees and hills flying past. It’s almost as if nothing happened. When in all reality, absolutely everything changed in the past few minutes and there’s no going back now.
Rose enters the compartment lightly, Louis, Lily and Hugo in tow.
“Albus, my man!” Louis greets, throwing his arm around my shoulder as he slides in next to me. I know what’s expected of me now so I force a smile at him and prepare myself to play along.
Rose shoots me a concerned look before glancing at Scorpius who’s looked away from the window just in time to meet her gaze. They both flush and look away which Louis seems to see as he snorts. I look to Lily and Hugo to see that they’ve settled onto the floor and found a deck of Exploding Snap. I let my eyes watch them play, watching the simple game as if it will solve all my problems even if I know it won’t.
Louis finally lays back on the bench, removing his arm from around my shoulders and asks chirpily, “What were you two doing before we arrived? Something unnaturally boring? Snogging?”
I choke slightly and Scorpius’ eyes widen before he shoots a glance at Rose and flushes— again.
“Um... No,” I inform my cousin, rolling my eyes just a little. I have to be loose right now. To make everything seem normal that it. “That’s disgusting. And I’ve never snogged anyone if you must know.” How sad is that. I’m going to die without ever kissing anyone. I must sound like a complete prude.
Scorpius makes a face. “And I don’t… Like guys…” He says awkwardly, biting his lip as if this confession was something we all already didn’t know.
Louis smirks a predatory smile at the look on Scorpius’ face before winking at me and announcing honestly, “I do.”
“What?” Hugo demands, looking up from his cards at the wrong time and Lily’s eyes light with triumph as a card explodes. “Ouch! Bloody hell!” Hugo cries, dropping his cards and waving his hand about as if it will help.
Louis rolls his eyes. “I like guys,” he repeats calmly, ignoring the surprised looks he’s receiving from Rose and Lily and the skeptical ones Hugo and Scorpius are wearing. I shrug a little. I knew as much already. “Got a boyfriend too,” Louis continues, grinning widely. “They were travelling over the summer so I didn’t get to see ‘im. Kinda depressing if you ask me.”
I sigh just a bit. While I appreciate the small talk, it isn’t at all distracting. And what I need right now is a distraction. A big one. Anything to get my mind off of what I read just a few nights ago.
“Who?” Rose finally asks, staring at Louis carefully as she pushes her hair out of her face. Scorpius shoots her a wistful look at which I shake my head. The two of them are absolutely ridiculous and they just need to start dating already for Merlin’s sake.
A dreamy smile crosses Louis face, dancing in his blue eyes. “Julian Hayes,” he informs us, causing my jaw to drop in surprise. Not that there’s anything wrong with Julian, but I’ve never met him before. There’s also the fact that he’s—
“My cousin?” Scorpius exclaims, jaw dropping open.
— That…
Louis nods and Scorpius looks slightly alarmed and confused when suddenly Lily cries, “You can’t do that!”
We all look to her now, Hugo and Rose both looking as confused and overwhelmed as I feel. “Why not?” Louis demands, brow furrowing.
“Because!” Lily wails as if the world is ending. “I’m dating his cousin! And cousins dating cousins is just creepy.”
Rose, Hugo, and Louis all turn to look at Scorpius who blinks slowly, looking lost. I simply smirk.
Lily doesn’t mean Scorpius. James and I are about the only two people who know that Lily is dating Lorcan Scamander and has been for a while. Many people also seem to forget that Rolf Scamander’s half-brother—Alexander Hayes— married Daphne Greengrass. So maybe Lorcan and Julian aren’t technically cousins, but they’re pretty close.
“She means Lorcan,” I inform the group, trying not to snicker at the relief that crosses Rose’s face.
Hugo’s eyes widen. “You’re dating Lorcan?” He demands, nose wrinkling. “That guy’s a loon.”
“No he’s not!” Lily cries, standing up and stamping her foot before she glares at everyone. “He’s my boyfriend and there’s nothing you can say about that!” With that final statement she leaves the compartment, leaving us all staring after her.
“I wish James were here,” Rose says suddenly, blue eyes sparkling slightly. “He would’ve found the humor in that.”
“James finds humor in everything,” I say with a slight smile, turning my eyes to look out the window. I wish James were here too. He’s a git sometimes, but it’s nice to have an older brother around. I always felt protected with him at Hogwarts. Even if we didn’t talk often and didn’t get along. I always knew he’d be there for me. And now all I can do is send letters and wait for Hogsmeade weekends to pile into the Three Broomsticks with a thousand other cousins to see him.
Louis pouts. “Are you saying I’m not funny?” He asks, frowning. “Because I’m hilarious.”
“Sure you are,” Hugo snickers. Louis looks offended and settles for smacking Hugo across the back of the head. Hugo makes an annoyed noise and Rose chuckles. I don’t think any of them notice how silent and still Scorpius and I are. There isn’t much I can do other than sit here and wonder if anyone will notice our behavior. And hope that Scorpius forgets the conversation so I don’t have to tell him everything else. Even though I know that’s impossible.
I don’t want to tell him. Maybe it’s crazy. Maybe I’m crazy. But I’ve hurt him enough already. I want to be brave and strong and do this alone. Because if I’m going to die, I want to die peacefully. I want it to be sudden. As if it were just something that happened, not something that was caused by another person. I want everyone to be able to move on and forget me after too long.
I just don’t know if that’s too much to ask or not.
“Should someone go check on Lily?” Scorpius finally asks after a moment, pulling himself to his feet. A flash of something—I would wager jealousy—flashes through Rose’s eyes and she pulls herself to her feet.
Nodding to herself, she offers, “I’ll go with you.” Scorpius smiles a little and offers his arm gallantly, which Rose accepts with a blush and the two exit the compartment.
I don’t know if they’re far enough away to miss Louis’ call after them of, “Have fun snogging!” or the rowdy laughter that follows from Louis and Hugo. I let out a few forced chuckles, just wishing for the train ride to end soon.
Or if I had my way, everything would end soon.
The spell would win.
Because it’s the only choice I have.
A/N: First off I’d like to start out with an apology. The past few months have been absolutely hectic for me what with summer, my cousins leaving for their around the world trip, starting at a new school, and a lot more. But that isn’t really an excuse. Writer’s block isn’t either but I guess it’s all sort of true. Anyhow, if any of you have stuck around to read this then you’re amazing. And I promise I’ll try to update more often from now on. (And hopefully they'll be longer too, because this one is shorter than I want it to be. Boo.)
Anyhow, next chapter you find out exactly what the spell is. Excited, anyone? Sad? I should stop asking questions and give you the preview you all want to read since I have nothing else of worth to say. XD
“I don’t want to hurt you,” it escapes me as a whisper and I wish I could pull the curtains around my bed shut and hide forever.
Scorpius just shakes his head, a movement barely perceptible in the dark. “You’re hurting me more by keeping it a secret.”
And I know it’s the truth.
A review would be most appreciated.
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