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'Til Death Do Us Part: The 3rd Installment by LucyintheSkywithDiamonds

Format: Novel
Chapters: 30
Word Count: 85,963
Status: WIP

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Strong Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme, Contains Spoilers

Genres: Drama, Humor, Romance
Characters: Lupin, Snape, Sirius, Lily, James, Pettigrew, OC
Pairings: James/Lily, Remus/OC, Sirius/OC, Other Pairing

First Published: 03/29/2009
Last Chapter: 10/16/2012
Last Updated: 10/16/2012


^^^ Banner by leeshyy at TDA

*Over 15,000 reads :)
After years of fighting to stay alive, everything comes down to one event. October 31st, 1981 is the night that changes it all. Some die, some are convicted and others never look back. What will bring them back together?** Read the 1st and 2nd installment.

Chapter 1: Searching
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*the plot and the OCs are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.

**YAY for me! I finally got this thing rolling. It's a month late but it's finally out there. I'm excited about getting this thing going. I'm going to be sad though when it's done. Be patient with me. I'll try to get the chapters out as quick as possible. I'm not sure about all the details on how this story is going to end. I have a good idea but it could change at any moment. So I hope you enjoy and remember to review! I love to read what you guys think, good or bad.

It had been two months and 4 days. Sixty-six days in all. Sirius had been going to the same place everyday for sixty-six days. He went there to think. He went there to contemplate. He went there to wonder. He wanted to find a solution, to find peace of mind. But all he found was frustration and despair. The open field with soft wheat, grass, and cattails that grew over his head, that field was on his mind all the time. It had come to consume his life. A field, which once meant nothing, now meant everything. He wished the field had never existed. He spent hours on end at that field. If someone was to watch him, it looked like he was watching the clouds pass by or the way the wind blew the grass. But he wasn’t watching; he was searching for an answer. All Sirius Black wanted to know was where his love went.

“Why are you just standing there? We need to go and find her!” Sirius yelled, his voice cracking with emotion.

Dumbledore, who was on the receiving end, stood there not breaking his gaze with Sirius.

“You’re just going to let them take her. We could have saved her. We could have saved both of them. I could have grabbed onto that guy! Why did you guys stop me?” Sirius redirected his anger towards the Order.

“Why? So we could lose three people instead of two?” Remus said.

“What do you care? You’re probably happy to see her gone!”Sirius yelled and advanced towards Remus.

James quickly interfered and steered Sirius in the opposite direction.

“Sirius, this isn’t going to help,” James said trying to calm the situation.

“No it’s not. But you want to know what’s going to help? Going back there and finding her!”

“Sirius, we don’t know where they took her.

“What are you saying?” Sirius asked with anger.

“I’m not saying anything, just the fact that we don’t have many options,” James said.

“So what? We give up without even trying? They have two of us. James, they have Shay,” Sirius pleaded with tears brimming in his eyes.

“Sirius, I know it’s Shay. I saw them take her. You aren’t the only person affected by this. But we all knew what we signed up for. She died an honorable death, doing what she wanted. It’s the way she wanted to go.”

“Until I have proof, she’s not dead.”

Two months later, Sirius still believed that Shay was alive. After he left the field, he would go to headquarters and work til late hours of the night, thinking of places people don’t reach much. Every time Sirius thought he had some inkling as to where she was, he would find he was wrong and had to start over again.

When Sirius got to headquarters, Peter was there waiting for him. Peter was one of the only people helping Sirius find Shay. Lily would also help Sirius when she could. It was hard for her to think about Shay. She had lost two best friends in the matter of months. James, even though he missed Shay and wished she would come back, had a gut feeling that she would not come back. He just didn’t want anyone to get there hopes up.

“How’s it going today?” Peter asked Sirius as he approached the table.

“Same as yesterday and the day before,” Sirius said absentmindedly as he stared at Remus, who was sitting at the table with Peter.

Remus, who had finally sensed Sirius’s eyes on his back, looked up and put down the feather he was writing with.

“Hello Sirius. Nice to see you,” Remus said with a small nod.

“What are you doing here?” Sirius asked curtly.

“I’m helping. Do you not want me here?”

“You’re in my chair,” Sirius said.

A small smile played across Remus’s face as he looked around headquarters.

“Nobody is here. There are plenty of empty chairs to sit in.”

“Ok. So why don’t you go sit in one of them.”

Remus paused for a few seconds then pushed his roll of parchment and inkbottle to the other side of the table and got up and switched chairs.

“Happy now?” Remus asked.

“Not exactly,” Sirius said and sat down in his chair.

“What’s your problem?” Remus asked.

“My problem is that you suddenly show up, wanting to help someone that obviously wanted nothing to do with you. And why do you think that we even want your help?” Sirius said in a spitting tone.

Remus was taken a back by Sirius’s harsh words.

“You’re a child. And who said I was looking for Shay. Two people went missing that day. They both deserved to be looked for. Peter is here and he blamed Shay for his girlfriend’s death. I tried to help her through that, and she threw it back in my face. But that doesn’t mean I want her dead. Also, if I remember correctly, she didn’t want you either.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Sirius asked and was on the edge of his seat.

“What I mean is, what do you think is going to happen if you find her and she is alive? Do you think she’s going to forget everything that happened and come running back to you? Do you think that it’s going to be possible for you two to forget everything that has happened and just start over? Shay could be a totally different person if you find her I just want to make sure that you’re staying realistic about this whole situation because no one else seems to be doing that for you.”

Sirius shot up out of his chair and lunged at Remus.

“You son of a bitch,” Sirius yelled as he and Remus fell to the floor.
Sirius threw the first punch. Remus, who was the stronger of the two easily over powered Sirius, when he felt a strong tug on his shirt and was pulled away from Sirius.

“Sit down!” James yelled as he pushed Remus down into a chair.

James pulled Sirius up and Sirius wiped off his bloody lip.

“What the hell is wrong with you two? You guys are supposed to be friends!” James yelled at the both of them.

“We stopped being friends when he started sleeping with my girlfriend,” Sirius yelled while trying to stop his lip from bleeding.

“You’re mad at me because I slept with Shay. You two weren’t even together. You had a different girlfriend. Shay made it obvious that she didn’t want to be with either one of us. So there is not much to fight about,” Remus asked while trying not to think about the pain above his left eye.

Sirius had a good right.

“That’s not the point. You moved in on the girl I love.”

“I helped her when no one else was. She came to me when you were a drunken idiot that wouldn’t leave the house. She came to me when you cheated on her. You are the one that pushed her towards me. You’re not going to bring anyone back. Cillian or Shay. That guilt that you have is going to kill you,” Remus said, feeling much calmer than before.

“Don’t tell me that I’m guilty. You’re the one that should be feeling it. You’ve been with two women in your life. One is dead and the other is missing. If I were you I’d just give up,” Sirius said with malice.

There was an uneasy pause after Sirius’s words. James and Peter stood in between Sirius and Remus. Remus stood up and slowly walked over to Sirius. James stood by nervously, wondering if he was going to have to pull Remus away from Sirius. Remus and Sirius were practically nose-to-nose when Remus spoke.

“If I ever hear you disrespect Niki, the woman who gave her life to protect your child, again, I will kill you where you stand,” Remus said in a low growl.

“She didn’t do that good of a job. They’re both dead.”

James stepped in between Remus and Sirius before Remus could throw another punch. James pushed Remus away from Sirius while Peter stood nervously by Sirius, not knowing what to do and not wanting to get involved with the physical part of what was going on.

“You need to go home,” James said quietly, keeping Remus in place.

“What I need to do is go beat his ass!” Remus yelled over James’s shoulder at Sirius, who stared blankly back at Remus.

“Hey, you knew what you were going to get into when you showed up here today. What the hell were you thinking? This isn’t you Remus. You’re above this,” James said.

“I’m not above anyone, especially that prick,” Remus said, not shouting this time.

“Then make yourself be above him. If you can’t do it for yourself then at least do it for Lily and me. We’ve had enough change in the past couple months, we don’t need anymore.”

“I’ll go this time, but don’t expect me to hide for his sake. I have as much right to be here as he does.”

“I know. But when Niki died, you were here everyday, working to try to find the people that hurt her. Sirius should have the same thing,” James said reasonably.

Remus sneered and let out a spiteful laugh.

“Sirius Black. He always gets what he wants. I should be used to it be now,” Remus said and vanished before James could even open his mouth to reply.

“You really are a piece of work,” James said to Sirius as he sat down at the table.

“He was sitting in my chair,” Sirius said monotonously as he stared down at his papers.

“You’re kidding right?” James asked.

Sirius didn’t respond to James.

“You’re off your rocker. You don’t eat, you don’t sleep, and you barely talk to anyone. You haven’t been you since Shay’s been gone. I know it hurts, I understand that, but the Sirius I know needs to come back. The guy that is here right now is just slowly killing himself,” James said, hoping that he would trigger something in Sirius’s mind that would agree.

Sirius reacted in the opposite.

“I don’t see anything wrong with who I am. Every night I go back to your home, with your family. Six months ago, I had that and someone decided to take that all away. This,” Sirius said motioning to the papers and maps on the table, “is all I have to live for. If this is gone and Shay is not here, then I have nothing. So there is no way you can understand what I’m going through. When your child is born and within the first second that you hold it, you’ll understand what having something to live for means. You will have everything that I had, and I can’t help but hate you for it. Death has an open invitation to come and get me.”

Chapter 2: May the Best Man Win
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*the plot and the OCs are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.

**This chapter took longer to get out then I expected, I just couldn't seem to get the words out. However, when I was suffering from writer's block with this chapter, I started writing for some of the future chapters. I can say that I now know how this story is going to play out. I actually have the last chapter written and I am so excited to get it out there. I really hope you guys will like how this whole thing ends, not that it's coming soon. There should be 35 chapters all together in this final installment. So I hope you all are enjoying what you are reading and I hope I'm doing a good job for you. Remember to review and enjoy!

It was a sunny day. Some would call it a perfect summer day. Not a cloud in the sky yet a warm breeze blew with ease. The sun tickled the skin that it touched and left a constant warm and healthy feeling. However, the clad in black group that had gathered did not have the chance to enjoy the day. No one registered what was around them. They didn’t want to. The weather was not unusual for a day in July, but it did fit the occasion that was happening.

The casket that was being lowered was empty. Completely void of anything that once had life. That was hardest part. Nobody had wanted to put an empty coffin in the ground. No one wanted to bury anyone ever again. Dorcas Meadows’ funeral had been three weeks prior. Her parents had finally been ready to put their daughter to rest, body or not. They were both muggles, so their resources to help find her were limited. The date of Shay’s funeral had been pushed to the very limit Dumbledore had finally set. July 30th to be exact. That was the day that was put on her headstone. August 7, 1960 – July 30th, 1980. Eight days before her 20th birthday. Sirius had pushed for the deadline to be extended, to never come. However, Dumbledore along with most of the Order, or what was left of it, had decided that after three months of running in circles that they had to move on. Sirius was not happy about it. He knew that Shay was still alive and thought that the fake funeral was utterly unnecessary. He had refused to come at first. It took heavy persuasion from Lily to get him to the cemetery. Even though he agreed to come Sirius would not let them bury the casket next to his son.

It was a very quick funeral. And as everyone found out, it put nothing to rest.

“If it’s alright with you two, I’m going to bed. It’s been a long day,” James said and got up from the table.

He stroked Lily’s hair and she turned to him before he left.

“I won’t be too long. Sirius and I are going to talk for a little bit,” Lily said with a small smile and turned back to look at Sirius, who hadn’t said a word all day.

James just nodded his head and left the room quietly.

“How are you doing Sirius?” Lily asked gently.

Sirius didn’t say anything and kept his eyes casted down at the table.
“Sirius, it’s alright to talk about it. It hurts me that she’s gone, but it helps when I talk about it.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say. How am I supposed to mourn someone who I don’t think is dead?” Sirius asked roughly.

“I know that you don’t want to believe that Shay is dead, but it’s been three months. You can’t expect everyone to keep getting their hopes up. We’ve lost seven members in the last year. Four of them all so close together. Two weeks after Shay and Dory went missing the Death Eaters got to Edgar and his family. Then what happened to Benjy…I don’t even want to think about it. We put Dory to rest and you knew sooner or later we would have to do the same for Shay. This doesn’t mean that we’re giving up on them, we’re honoring them,” Lily said and had tears shining in her eyes by the end.

“I don’t feel like we’re honoring them. I feel like we’re giving up on them,” Sirius said quietly, still not able to look at Lily.

“I know you don’t want to think about this, but it’s most likely the reality of this all. What are you going to do if she doesn’t come back?”
Lily could see that Sirius’s nails were digging into the table.

“Sirius?” Lily asked softly, not wanting to provoke him.

“I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. Every part of my being hurt when Cillian died. It still hurts,” Sirius paused and took a deep, quavering breath, “I don’t want to imagine what it will feel like if Shay never comes back. When reality sinks in that I may never see her again, I will go insane. It will hurt so much that I know I will not be able to handle it. I don’t want to feel that Lily. Can’t you understand that?” Sirius asked in a pained voice.

He finally looked up at Lily and she saw the tears spilling over his eyes and running down is face.

“We would be here for you Sirius. No matter what. Me, James, Peter, even Remus. We would help you get through that because we want you here. I want you here. If not for yourself than for my sanity or James’s well being. Don’t you understand that you can help change everything? Don’t you want to fight for Cillian and Shay? I know I do,” Lily said and slowly stood up.

She was having pains in her stomach. This didn’t go unnoticed by Sirius.

“Are you alright?” he asked and wiped the tears off of his face.

Lily took in a deep breath to see if it would help, however all she felt was more pain.

“Sirius, I think you need to go wake up James,” Lily said and grabbed onto the side of the table.

Sirius flew to her side.

“Are you...?” Sirius started to ask but was interrupted.

“Ow! Please go get James. The baby is coming,” Lily said and pushed Sirius towards the hallway.

Sirius ran down the hallway and busted through James and Lily’s bedroom door. He snapped the lights on and ran straight to James. Sirius immediately began to shake James out of his sleep.

“What is your problem?” James asked groggily.

Sirius handed James his glasses and went to get him clothes before explaining.

“Lily is having contractions. The baby is on the way,” Sirius said and threw clothes at James.

James was in shock and the clothes hit him in the face. It wasn’t until Lily yelled for him when he started moving.

“James! Hurry up or I’m leaving without you!”

James began to panic. It wasn’t until he put his pants on backwards when Sirius stepped in.

“Ok, stop. I’m going to go by Lily and make sure she has what she needs. You need to put your pants on right and then take her to St. Mungo’s. You’re about to become a father,” Sirius said with happy grin.

He didn’t know he could feel the way he did.

“You’re coming with, right?” James asked, the panic still resonating in his voice.

“Do you want me there?” Sirius asked.


“Ok. Hurry though, she will leave without you,” Sirius said before going back to Lily.

Sirius sat in the waiting room. Waiting was definitely the right word for what he was doing. Lily had been in labor for nine hours. James was a nervous wreck and he was inadvertently making Sirius nervous. He didn’t know that someone could be in labor for that long and from what the doctor was saying; there were more hours to come. There was nothing wrong with Lily; the baby just did not want to come out. Sirius was waiting for Peter to show up, but he was taking forever. Sirius, who still couldn’t register what kind of emotions he was feeling, even went to visit Alice and Frank Longbottom. They had their son, Neville, while everyone was at Shay’s funeral. Alice and Frank both felt terrible for missing the funeral. Sirius didn’t tell them this but he felt jealous of them that they got to skip it.

Sirius had the whole waiting room to himself by the time he dozed off. He had realized that it had been a good two or three days since he last slept and was surprised that he hadn’t crashed sooner. His eyes finally became too heavy to hold up at around six in the morning and with all his might he couldn’t seem to open them after they closed.

James walked into the waiting room to give Sirius an update, not that anything had really changed. However, when he entered the room he saw that Sirius was fast asleep. James was headed back towards Lily’s room when he heard someone running behind him. He turned and saw that it was Remus trailing him.

“Peter just told me what was going on. How is she?” Remus asked, barely out of breath.

“She’s doing great. She’s just ready to get this over with though. It’s coming up on ten hours but she’s almost there,” James said with a nervous smile.

“How are you doing?” Remus asked and looked at his friend.

James looked like a mess. His hair was messier than normal, his glasses were askew, and his shirt was inside out. But he did end up getting his pants on right.

“I’m nervous as hell, mate. But I’ve never been so excited in my entire life. Quidditch has nothing on this.”

Remus smiled at him and patted him on the back.

“I’m happy for you. You’re going to be a great dad.”

“Thanks. Do you plan on sticking around?” James asked.

“Yes, of course. Why do you ask?”

“I need you to do me a favor. I know you and Sirius haven’t exactly been on speaking terms but can you kind of keep an eye on him. He’s been great so far but I don’t know how long that’s going to last. With the funeral yesterday and from what Lily told me, he was kind of breaking down right before she started her contractions. She said he just snapped out of it as soon as she started. Plus the last time he was here was when Cillian was born. I was going to ask Peter to do it but he’s nowhere to be seen. Where the hell is he?” James asked.

“I guess his mom fell down the stairs or something. He said he was going to get here as soon as possible.”

“So, can you do that favor for me?” James asked.

“I don’t have to talk to him?” Remus asked, hesitant to agree to the favor.

“No, you guys can sit and glare at each other the entire time for all I care. Just make sure he doesn’t go nuts or anything. Don’t let him disappear.”

“Fine, think of this as part of my gift,” Remus said.

James smiled and nodded his head.

“I have to get back now. Let’s pray the next time you see me I’ll be a dad.”

Sirius awoke from his sleep and was not exactly sure how long he had been out for. He hadn’t been in a deep sleep but it was enough to get him by for the rest of the day. Sirius found that there were a few more people in the waiting room. He searched for Peter but found a person he had no interest in seeing.

“You know I didn’t send you the message for a reason,” Sirius said groggily as he stretched his cramped muscles and compressed joints.

“Peter owled me. He’s not sure when he’ll make it here. His mom fell down the stairs,” Remus said in a smooth voice.

“Did Lily have the baby yet?” Sirius asked while still trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

“No. She’s twelve hours in so the baby’s got to be coming soon.”
A tension filled silence settled between them after Remus finished speaking.

“Are you alright with all of this? I know yesterday must have been rough for you. Nobody is going to take offence if you want to leave,” Remus said, trying to be as nice as possible.

“I’m fine. I don’t need a babysitter. So if that’s what you’re here for, you can leave.”

“Sirius, I’m just trying to be cordial here. The last thing I wanted to do today was spend time with you. So you can either meet me halfway or we are going to have problems.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Sirius said nonchalantly.

“Then I guess we’re stuck. I’ve tried to think of the reasons as to why you’re this angry with me and besides me being with Shay, I can only think of one thing. Up until a couple months ago, you were always a great friend to me. You became an illegal animagi to keep me company during the full moons. You were there for me after my parents were killed. You’re the person that gave me the courage to be with Niki. I remember the exact words that you said to me when I was about to run and hide. You said, ‘Anyone who can’t see past your downfalls and see who you really are, doesn’t deserve to have you in their life’. I can’t thank you enough for being that friend to me. What I regret is that I wasn’t there for you like you were there for me. I should have given you the same support that I gave Shay. Instead of instigating you, I should have been helping you look for Shay. I can apologize for not being a good friend, but I’m not going to apologize for being with Shay. When she was staying at my house, I fell for her. I didn’t want to be with Shay. It felt like it was too soon after Niki’s death, but it was inevitable. I love Shay just like you do. She hurt me like nobody ever has when she told me Niki had been pregnant. I never wanted to see her again. It wasn’t until after they took her that I realized how much I love her. After I realized I loved her, then it sunk in that I would probably never see her again. I my wish was granted,” Remus paused to recollect himself.

Sirius saw the anguish in Remus’s eyes and felt joy from it.

“If Shay is still somehow alive and she comes back, don’t think that I won’t fight for her. You had your chance with her and you messed that up. My time with her was cut short. The Shay I was with was damaged by you and I’ll be damned before I let you do that to her again.”

Sirius’s only response was to smile. He felt no competition from Remus. He knew that if Shay had been there at that very moment, she would have chosen him.

Remus glared at Sirius’s arrogance. He knew exactly what Sirius was smiling about. He knew Sirius thought that he would get Shay back without a doubt. Sirius didn’t truly know how bad he hurt Shay. Remus had been there to witness her demise.

“Guys,” James said and startled Remus and Sirius.

They looked up at James and he was wearing a face splitting smile.

“It’s a boy!”

And at that moment the previous conversation had been seemingly forgotten.

Chapter 3: Losing Faith
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*the plot and the OCs are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.

**In inspiration from just seeing Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (which was very amazing, one of the best movies so far. I cried after Dumbledore died, just like I did when I read the book) I finally got this chapter done. I hope you enjoy! Don't for get to review!

“What are you doing out here?” James asked Sirius from behind.

Sirius didn’t seemed to be startled at all.

“I just took the bike out for a little bit. I needed to get away for a while,” Sirius said and motioned to his pristine motorcycle.

The motorcycle Shay had given him.

“Where did you go?” James asked and sat next to Sirius on the dew-covered grass.

“Do you really need to ask?” Sirius said and ripped out a handful of grass.

“I don’t mean to sound like a prick but you’re not going to find any answers there, Sirius. Going there everyday is just hurting you in the long run.”

“I’m going to figure out soon, James. I can feel it. It’s going to happen.”

James sighed and nodded his head.

“I talked to Remus today,” he said and waited for Sirius’s reaction.

“I’d be careful if I were you, James. He and Lily seem to be spending a lot of time together lately. He might steal Lily, too.”

James fought off the urge to hit Sirius and redirected his anger and pounded the ground with his fist.

“Damn it Sirius! I swear if you ever say anything like that to me again, it won’t be the ground that I’m pounding on.”

Sirius rubbed his face hard. It looked as if he wanted to take the skin off his face.

“I’m sorry James. I just don’t think that he can be trusted. I just get a bad feeling when I’m around him,” Sirius said.

“Is it a bad feeling or a jealous feeling? Sirius, you didn’t start feeling this way about him until after you found out that he and Shay had been together. Remus is my friend as well as yours and both Lily and I would trust him with our lives along with Harry’s. We’ve all always been there for each other. I don’t understand why everything is changing now.”

“We’re in the middle of a war, James. War is known to change people.”

“I forgot how boring babies could be,” Sirius said as three month old Harry Potter stared blankly back at him.

Sirius had offered to watch Harry while James and Lily had the night away. James had to literally pry Lily away from Harry.

“I still can’t believe you look so much like your dad,” Sirius said and sat in front of Harry.

He felt as of he was looking at his best friend, If James reverted back to an infant stage.

“But you do have your mother’s eyes. I bet those will come in handy with the ladies some day,” Sirius said with a smile.

He didn’t know why he was having a conversation with his infant godson. He didn’t want to admit it but he used to do the same thing with his own son. Sirius tried not to think about Cillian during the following months that he was killed, but ever since Harry was born he seemed to only be able to think about Cillian. He remembered the bond that he and Cillian had. It was a bond that only a father and son could have. He saw that relationship between James and Harry. He wished he could have had that again.

“You two would have been best friends.”

After he finished saying that, Harry smiled a toothless grin at him.

With that grin, something clicked in Sirius. He knew that he would never get Cillian back. And as everyday passed, he knew that there was less of a chance that he would get Shay back. He thought that he had nothing left in his life. However, when he saw Harry smile at him, Sirius felt as if something of substance reentered his life. He felt as if he had something to live for again.

The only thing Remus could remember about Shay was the bad moments. The nights she was drunk, when they fought and the last time he spoke to her. He couldn’t remember the food things like their nights back at Hogwarts, how he shared his first kiss with her, or even when he and Shay first got together. So it made him wonder why he felt the need to be with Shay. He knew it wasn’t just to spite Sirius. He wasn’t that mean spirited. But he certainly didn’t want Shay to be with Sirius. He had hurt her too many times.

Remus also didn’t understand why he felt as if Shay was still alive. All signs pointed to that she was gone. But he had a feeling that she wasn’t. However, unlike Sirius, he didn’t let everyone know how he felt. It was hard enough on the Order to have lost so many people. He especially kept his mouth shut around James and Lily. Shay was practically James’s sister and Lily put on a good front, especially with Harry, but she was miserable. Shay was supposed to be Harry’s godmother. Instead of filling the position, they left it vacant in her honor. Remus wasn’t surprised by the fact that he wasn’t Harry’s godfather. What parent in their right mind would a werewolf watch over their child?

The more Remus thought about Shay the more he missed Niki. If she were there wit him, his life would be much easier. He would be with the woman he loved ad he would have a child. That’s something he wished he never knew about. He would sometimes wonder what the baby would have looked like. Would it have been a boy that looked like him but had his mother’s smile and sense of humor? Or maybe he would have had a daughter that would have had her mother’s dark features with his eyes and his love for knowledge. His child and Harry Potter would have been friends. And as the two got older, Cillian Black would have been there to show them the ropes. If life was perfect Shay and Sirius would have never broken up and he and Niki would still be able to be together. However, the world was far from perfect.

“Remus, how are you?” Dumbledore asked kindly.

“It’s not one of my better days. Full moon tomorrow. It seems to get worse every time,” Remus said and sat down in the chair in front of Dumbledore’s desk.

“We are still trying to find someone who will be able to be trusted to make the Wolfsbane for you. Horace Slughorn is going to be retiring after this school year. Even though Horace is a dear friend, we both know he is not the most understanding and accepting person,” Dumbledore said with a small smile.

“I understand. I never really got why you cared so much about keeping my secret a secret. You have so many other things to worry about. Why have you kept on caring after so many years?”

“Remus, I remember your parents very well. They were good people that tried to do what ever they could to help our world. I’m not sure you ever entirely knew your father’s guilt about your condition. After your parents sent back your Hogwarts letter, I paid them a visit. Your parents told me about their concern for you and the other students. They worked very hard for many years to make sure that you could have the same rights as everyone else. I’m sure you remembered that they tried many different things to reverse what had been done. They wanted you to go to Hogwarts, but they didn’t want your secret to get out. They also didn’t want to endanger any other students. As you know, I take my students’ safety very seriously. I would never put any of them in definite danger. I never saw anything wrong with you, Remus. We all have our quirks. We live in a very prejudice world. Pure bloods are thought of to be snobby and ignorant, muggle borns are thought of as stains on our community, while half bloods, such as you and I, are known as products of traitors. Werewolves, however, seem to be shunned by all. I have been alive for a year short of a century, so believe me when I say that I’ve made many mistakes in my life. However, I like to think of myself as a person that can learn from his mistakes. I’ve learned that anyone can break a stereotype. Remus, when I saw you I knew that you would be one of those people.”

Remus was taken by Dumbledore’s kind words, but stumbled over something to say.

“Was there anything else you wanted to speak with me on?” Dumbledore asked.

“I’m sure you’ve been asked this already but so you think that Shay is still alive? I can’t stop thinking about her Albus. My mind has been all over the place between Shay and Niki and the fact that Niki was pregnant. Sirius and I haven’t talked since Harry was born over three months ago. I don’t know. Maybe if I knew she was gone then I could try to move on. If I knew there was a chance I wouldn’t feel as if I was wasting my time. I trust your judgment, Albus.”

“I can see the anguish in your eyes, Remus. Therefore, I would say that Shay is dead,” Dumbledore said softly.

“I don’t want you to make me feel better. Albus, I want to hear what you believe to be true.”

“Shay is more powerful than what she led people to believe. Gifted in occlumency and legilimency, wandless and non-verbal magic, keenness for dueling, and even to what I believe to be some seeress powers. Shay is what some may call a total package. Her parents had her and her siblings for Voldemort. Little did they know that two of their children would turn against the beliefs of their family. Shay had always been a top recruit for Voldemort. She is someone that could be very useful for him. Shay is very strong willed, however, Voldemort can be very patient. For her own sake, I hope that she is dead. However, Voldemort is not known for his mercy. So, yes, I do believe she is alive. I do not, however, believe that we will ever see her again. Voldemort will not give up that kind of power without a fight.”

“Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hollowed by thy name,”

It was black. The darkest tone of black she had ever seen. She had to blink a few times just to make sure she was awake. She could taste the water in the air. Her hair was damp and matted to her face and neck. She could even smell the mildew that surrounded her. She had no clue where she was.

“Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,”

“Hello?” she called out in a raspy, unused tone.

How long had she been unconscious? She tried to stand up but felt a searing pain through her thigh when she put pressure on her leg.

“Hello? Who’s there?” she called out again, her voice stronger this time.

She knew that she heard another voice. It was as weak as hers and it sounded as if it was chanting something.

“In earth as it is in Heaven,
Give us this day our daily bread,”

Instead of calling out again, she tried to remember what happened. She remembered being in a field with many others. She remembered it being chaos. She remembered…her wand. She needed to find her wand right away.

“Accio wand,” she croaked out.

She waited for what felt like forever, while the panic started to rise up in her.

“Accio wand,” she was capable to yell this time.


“And forgive us for our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us,”

“Who is that?” she asked again, but was ignored.

“They took our wands. Don’t use your wandless abilities,” the other voice stated quietly.

“Dory? Is that you?”

“And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil,”

“When the come back in, don’t say a word. Put up that steel trap that Dumbledore and Marlene taught you. Whatever happens, just worry about protecting the Order.”

“What were you saying?” she asked, trying to get her thoughts through the fog.

“Protect the…” Dory started but was interrupted.

“No, I know that. That chant or whatever. What is that?”

“It’s not a chant. It’s a prayer.”

“What is it for?”

“For thine is the kingdom and the power,
And the glory, forever. Amen.”

“For when we die.”

***Just as a pre-caution, I'm not trying to preach anything. I have nothing to preach. I just like the tone of the prayer and thought it fit. And remember that Dory is a Muggle born. Forgive the title of the chapter. I honestly couldn't think of anything better.

Chapter 4: Fight For Your Life
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The plot & OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.

“What happened Dory?” Shay asked while feeling out her surroundings.

She could only feel as far as her arms would stretch, since her leg currently disabled her.

“We were ambushed. Mad-Eye was right. There is a spy in the Order,” Dory said quietly.

She was afraid that someone was listening.

“Wait, a spy? I never heard anything about a spy before.”

“It was only Albus and Alastor that talked about it. I just happened to have overheard the conversation. Mad-Eye was sure that there was a spy, but you know how Dumbledore is. He believes the best in everyone. He didn’t want to jump the gun on anything.”

“Well that worked out well for us,” Shay said cynically.

“Shay, can you do me a favor?”

Shay waited in silence for Dory to go on.

“Whatever happens to me, you need to worry about yourself. I’m expendable to them. I don’t have anything they want and I’m a muggle born. I won’t make it past today. It’s you they want, I just got dragged along for the ride. So promise me that you will stay strong until the end. Don’t let them break you,” Dory said in a quiet, nervous whisper.

“Dory, don’t talk like that.”

“Shh…someone’s coming,” Dory whispered and everything fell silent again.

“Who ended up catching these ones?” someone asked from behind what seemed to be a door or wall.

“Travers brought back the mudblood. He’s useless as always. Dolohov caught the blood traitor, that lucky bastard. The Dark Lord is very pleased,” another voice retorted.

Shay found out where the door was when the dim light that came from the hall entered the room.

“Look at them. They look so pathetic. Don’t you just love the sight of it?”

Shay groaned inwardly. She could recognize the voice of Bellatrix Lestrange anywhere.

“We’re going to have fun with them, aren’t we?”

Shay believed the other voice belonged to Rodulphus Lestrange but she couldn’t be sure.

“Not yet. The Dark Lord wants them first,” Bellatrix said, obviously disappointed.

Shay them heard the sound of something hitting flesh and a grunt of pain.

“Get up you filthy mudblood. We’re gonna take care of you real quick,” Rodulphus said with extreme pleasure.

“Look at this one. She’s getting blood all over the place. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, Calhoun,” Bellatrix said while standing over Shay.

Shay was about to speak when Bellatrix started to pull her by her hair. All that came out was a hiss of pain.

“I can’t wait to get you back, you little bitch. Nobody tries to kill me and gets away with it,” Bellatrix said with malice.

Shay had a hard time grasping on to what Bellatrix was saying. Her hair felt as if it was going to get pulled right out of her scalp as she was dragged down a hall. She refused to give Bellatrix any satisfaction of pain.

“We are going to have fun with you.”

Shay felt a final tug on her hair and then her head thudded on to the ground. Her head buzzed with pain.

“Bind their arms,” she heard a different voice say.

The voice was smooth, low and snake-like. Shay finally realized that the new room she was in was full of people. Shay was jerked on to her knees and she felt a rush of blood seep out of her wound. She let out a small yell and felt all eyes on her.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Fix her leg,” the unidentified voice said with annoyance.

Shay felt a searing pain in her leg before the throbbing pain completely went away. Somebody then grabbed her arms and put them behind her back. She felt tight ropes bind her wrists together.

“Bring the mudblood in front of me.”

Shay started to look around. Everyone was wearing black robes and masks. She watched as who she assumed to be Rodulphus drag Dory in front of what looked to be a gold throne. Even though Shay had never seen him before, she knew exactly who was occupying the chair. Voldemort. She was taken aback by how inhuman he looked. His skin seemed to glow in the dark. He had red eyes and slits where his nose should have been. Shay felt repulsed by him. The more she looked at him, the more she felt the anger boil under her skin.

“Who brought her here?” Voldemort asked about Dory.

“I did, my lord,” Travers came forward and took a knee.

“Who did I say I wanted?” Voldemort asked in a low, dangerous tone.

“James Potter, my lord. We weren’t able to get to him. He was working with Alastor Moody and Frank Longbottom,” Travers said in a shaky, uneasy voice.

Shay could tell he was scared.

“I don’t want to hear excuses. Next time you fail me there will be dire consequences. That goes for all of you.”

As Voldemort’s words came out Shay felt the tension rise in the air. If she were in a different situation, she would have laughed at the people around her. They were all so cowardly.

“Dorcas Meadows, am I correct?” Voldemort asked Dory, who was unwillingly kneeling in front of him.

“Yes. I didn’t know you acknowledged muggle borns,” Dory said coolly.

“Yes, well it has been a while. From what I heard you were in Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff is full of mudbloods.”

“Well, Slytherin is full of mindless cowards, but I won’t hold that against you. It’s easy to recruit people that don’t know any better,” Dory said with a smirk.

Shay’s jaw almost dropped because of what Dory was saying.

“I think you forget what position you’re in.”

“I’m aware of my situation. I’m no use to you. We both know that I’m not going to make it out of here alive. So why don’t we cut the crap and just get down to it.”

“You don’t seem to fear death. Too bad you’re a mudblood. You would be able to do great things with me,” Voldemort said smoothly.

“There’s no reason for me to be afraid of death. An insecure person is afraid of the unknown. What are you afraid of, Tom?” Dory asked slickly.

Dory let out a scream and started to writhe in pain. Shay tried to go forward to help her but was violently pulled back.

“You should learn your place in this world.”

Dory went still after that. Shay started to panic. She couldn’t be dead, not yet.

“Dory!” Shay yelled and started to struggle.

“Silencio!” Bellatrix yelled.

Shay continued to shout but heard nothing come out of her mouth. Dory started to move again after a few seconds. Shay realized that Voldemort had used legilimency on her.

“You were right. You are useless to me. Avada Kedavra!”

A green light flashed out of his wand and hit Dory square in the chest. Her body hit the ground with a thud. Shay inhaled a sharp breath. She realized she was now alone.

“Bring the other one over here,” Voldemort said coolly.

It was as if he had never killed someone a few seconds before.

“Who brought her?” he asked, scanning his followers.

“It was me, my lord,” Dolohov stepped out and took a knee, just as Travers had.

“Very good. You will be rewarded.”

“Thank you, my lord,” Dolohov said and stepped back in line.

“Shay Calhoun. I don’t think we’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. I am Lord Voldemort. There is no need for you to introduce yourself. I know all about you,” Voldemort said with a knowing smirk.

Shay was knelt in front of him and stared directly into his eyes. She had her mind shielded already. She had to make sure it stayed that way.

“I must say, I’ve been anxious to get you in my grasp. You’re a great witch, Shay Calhoun. I heard Dumbledore has been training you well.”

Shay refused to acknowledge that he was even speaking.

“There is no need to worry. You’re not going to die today. I have big plans for you,” Voldemort said.

There was a moment of silence before Voldemort tried to enter her mind. She had never felt anger like she did when Voldemort entered her mind. It burned her skin and it felt as if her head was going to explode. But she held him off. The harder he tried to get past her shield, the more pain she was in.

“She’s not ready yet. Take her back to the room. Dispose of this one,” Voldemort said, motioning towards Dory.

Shay looked to her left and saw Dory’s lifeless eyes staring at her. Only a second later she was pulled up to her feet and was pushed towards the room she came from.

“I’ll be back,” Bellatrix said in a shrill, chilling voice before pushing Shay into the dark room and slamming the door.

“Sir, what do you want us to do with her?” Lucius Malfoy asked after the rest of the Death Eaters dispersed.

“She’s strong willed. Break her down mentally and physically. Nobody is going to be looking for her. They will all think she’s dead. Send Calhoun in there with her,” Voldemort said while contemplating.

“My lord, are you sure? Can we trust her with this? There are plenty of us ready to get their chance with that blood traitor. Bellatrix and I…” Lucius suggested but was cut off.

“When did it become all right to question me, Lucius? Bellatrix might let her feelings of revenge get in the way of what our mission is here. There are too many of you that have bad blood with this girl. Courtlyn Calhoun owes me for Regulus’s mishap. If she wants to live, she will do what she’s told.”

**Remember to review. I would love to hear what you all think. Hopefully the chapters will start to come out faster. I already have most of the next chapter written but I won't put it out until after I get back from vacation. And as I promised to some people, there are two stories that I would like to suggest to my readers. "Just Because" by Rachm34 and "Her Trust and His Heart" by RoyalBlues. Enjoy!

the plot & the OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.

When stuck in a lightless room with no contact outside, time seems to fly. Shay didn’t know whether she had been in that room for a day or a week. It could have been a month for all she knew. She wondered if she would even make it that long. She felt as if her stomach was starting to eat itself. She knew that if she didn’t get water soon, she would be a goner. All she did was stare into the darkness or sleep.

“Are you ready?” Shay felt someone ask into her neck.

The voice startled Shay and she turned to see who was speaking so close to her. She couldn’t help the smile that crept onto her face when she saw Sirius over her shoulder. She couldn’t help but stare at him.

“Hello? Earth to Shay,” Sirius said and waved a hand in front of her face.

She snapped out of it once when she felt the breeze from his hand.

“When did I get back here?” Shay asked.

Sirius furrowed his brows together and tilted his head in confusion.

“Have you been drinking or something?”

“No, I just…” Shay said and then looked around.

She was back in the house she and Sirius used to share. Everything looked like it did before.

“Never mind, I must have been dreaming,” Shay said with a smile.

She leapt up from her seat and wrapped up her arms tightly around Sirius.

“What’s gotten into you?” he asked with a laugh.

“I missed you,” Shay said took in Sirius’s familiar smell.

“I didn’t go anywhere. We just talked fifteen minutes ago.”

Shay put both of her hands on either side of Sirius’s face. Everything felt so real. It had to be true.

“Everyone is outside. James and the kids are waiting for you to get your broom.”

Now it was Shay’s turn to be confused. Sirius grabbed her by the hand and led her outside. She stepped out into the backyard and saw her friends. Lily and James were there, looking as happy as ever. James was holding onto his broom and lit up when he saw Shay come out of the house.

“Finally, the kids have been waiting forever,” James said and motioned over to four kids of all different heights standing in a circle with brooms in their hands.

Shay lost her breath and fought back tears that threatened to fall from her eyes.

“Shay? Lily, Alana and I are going to cook while you all are flying. Where are the spices?” Shay heard her old friend’s voice.

Shay slowly turned towards the voice and saw Niki sitting on Remus’s lap. He had his arms wrapped around her so tightly; Shay wondered how Niki would ever get away to cook.

Shay ran to her best friend and already felt tears streaming down her face. She enveloped Niki into a tighter hug than she gave Sirius.

“Shay, what’s gotten into you?” Niki asked while laughing at her friend.

“Thank you!” Shay sobbed over and over again.

“For what?” Niki asked.

Shay finally looked at her friend. She looked like Shay had remembered.

“For being here,” Shay said with a smile.

Niki looked back at Remus, who looked like he wasn’t sure to laugh or be concerned. Shay then saw Alana, who was standing next to Peter. She ran over to Alana and gave her a crushing hug.

“I’m sorry,” Shay said into Alana’s hair.

Alana grabbed Shay by her shoulders.

“For what?” Alana asked with a smile.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m just glad you’re here,” Shay said with a face splitting smile.

“If you’re done being loony, we have some kids over here that are ready to go flying,” James called over.

Shay walked towards James and the kids. There were three boys and one girl. Once the kids saw that Shay was coming they all ran towards her. Shay knelt on the ground to get a better look at their faces. The smallest must have belonged to Peter. He was a spitting image of his father except he had Alana’s light brown hair. The girl, who only stood a few inches taller than the youngest, was easily Niki’s daughter. Shay covered her mouth in disbelief as she looked at a younger version of her friend. The girl also had one of Shay’s favorite smiles, Remus’s smile. The boy standing next to the girl caught Shay’s eye. He was an almost exact replica of James when he was younger. Shay saw immediately though that behind his glasses, the boy had Lily’s eyes. Shay started to cry when she looked at the tallest of the group. He had Sirius’s hair and dynamic gray eyes. However, she also recognized the light trail of freckles underneath the boy’s eyes, his nose, and even the curve of his lips. That was her son. That was her baby, except that he wasn’t a baby anymore.

“Cillian?” Shay asked and reached out to touch his face.

“Can we go flying now?” he asked, impatience plowing through his words.

Shay completely lost it and pulled her son towards her.

“I thought I lost you,” Shay cried and petted his hair.

It still felt as soft as it did when he was a baby. She didn’t want to let go. She didn’t care how many years she missed, she had her family back, and she did not want to let it go again.

“I was in the middle of a wonderful dream. What could be so important as to wake me up?” Shay asked after she had been shaken awake.

Shay thought that if she fell asleep right away she could get back into that dream.

“Your idiocy amazes me. You’re staring death in the face and you’re still as stupid as ever.”

Shay recognized her sister’s voice immediately. Shay turned the opposite direction from where her voice was coming from.

“Lumos,” Courtlyn whispered and Shay’s eyes had trouble adjusting to the small amount of light.

“You’re still not talking to me? You really are stubborn. You get that from Mum.”

A flare of anger rose up in Shay.

“I am nothing like that woman,” Shay snarled and turned on Courtlyn quickly.

What she saw completely caught her off guard. Courtlyn’s once stunningly beautiful face was disfigured. Her skin was rough and ragged from the scars that ran across her face. Her left eye seemed to be permanently blood shot. Shay was most disturbed by the fact that Courtlyn was missing her ring finger. Her left ring finger.

“What did they do to you?” Shay asked in a whisper.

“You heard about Regulus, right? Severus told me that he told you.”

Shay nodded her head and waited for Courtlyn to continue.

“Lucius and the Carrows did this to me before I could prove that I didn’t know about Regulus’s plan. Lucius, who was like a brother to me, did this without even a second thought. This,” Courtlyn held up her left hand, “before Lucius did this he said to me, ‘Real Death Eaters don’t love traitors.’”

Courtlyn seemed to be in a fight against her own tears as the words came out.

“And now he treats me as if it never happened. As if he never had those two hold me down while he did this to me.”

“I always said Lucius Malfoy was a prick,” Shay said.

“Yea, well I always thought Sirius Black was an asshole but you never listened to me,” Courtlyn said in a spout of anger.

“Sirius would never do that to me or anyone,” Shay shot back.

“No, he’ll just cheat on you after your son is murdered.”

“Don’t you dare talk about him,” Shay said in a cold voice.

There was complete silence after that.

“How did you know about Sirius?” Shay asked quietly.

“He keeps track of everything you guys do. There is a spy in your midst.”

Shay shook her head in disbelief.

“Don’t be so surprised.”

“Who is it then?”

“I couldn’t tell you. He is not very trusting. He meets with this person privately. I’m not even sure if Bella or Lucius know.”

Shay let the information sink in. She still had trouble believing someone could betray the Order.

“I’m sorry,” Courtlyn said out of the blue.

“About what?” Shay asked with a confused tone.

“I’m sorry about your son, Shay. There is nothing anyone can do to stop him once when he decides to do something. I wasn’t even there. I haven’t left here in over six months.”

“Why don’t you just run like Regulus did?” Shay asked.

“Because I knew you were coming.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that you have so much faith in me. And like you said, when Vol…”

Shay was cut off by Courtlyn’s hand slapping over her mouth.

“Don’t say his name,” Courtlyn whispered with fear tangled in her words.

“I’m not afraid to say his name,” Shay spat out.

“I know you’re not, but you should be. Just for your own good don’t say his name anymore,” Courtlyn said with the same fear as before.

Courtlyn finally looked Shay in the eyes. Shay did not like what she saw. Courtlyn’s once hazel eyes were now a deep, dead black.

“Your eyes…” Shay started but really didn’t know what to say.

“Yea, it happened after Lucius…you know. I can’t see out of my left eye,” Courtlyn said as if she was embarrassed.

Shay wanted to hug her sister, but she couldn’t. She would have felt more comfortable hugging a complete stranger. This was the first time she had talked to her sister in over two years. Shay couldn’t even remember a time that her and Courtlyn showed familial love to each other.

“Anyway, you already said that he gets whatever he wants. He wanted me, so no surprise I ended up here,” Shay said awkwardly and broke the gaze between her and Courtlyn.

“You don’t get it. I’m a seeress, Shay. That’s the only reason why I’m still alive. I knew a long time ago that you were going to end up here.”

“Did you know about Cillian?” Shay asked in a strained voice.

“About five years ago I prophesized about the fate of your first-born child,” Courtlyn said quietly.

“You just told me that you couldn’t have done anything to help him,” Shay said with anger.

“You can’t change the outcomes of prophecies, Shay. Trust me, I wish you could.”

“What about the chances of me getting out of here alive?” Shay asked cynically.

“You can read thoughts, right?”

Shay nodded her head, not knowing what that had to do with anything.

“Read what I’m thinking,” Courtlyn said.

Shay gave her a weird look.

“Can you read my mind?” Shay asked quietly.

“No, so you have to talk out loud. But remember to whisper,” Courtlyn said seriously.

Shay nodded her head and complied.

“Can you hear me?” Courtlyn thought.

“Yes,” Shay whispered.

“Good. I’m going to get you out of here.”

Shay looked at Courtlyn with disbelief.

“Did you prophesize that?”

“No. But that doesn’t matter.”

“How?” Shay whispered, almost inaudibly.

“It’s going to take time. It could take months. But trust me, he will keep you alive until you crack. Can you stay strong?”

Shay nodded her head slowly.

“Severus agreed to help me. He knows something very important. I can’t tell you what that is but you should know that Severus will be on your side in the future.”

Shay nodded her head again.

“He assigned me to be with you. It won’t always just be me with you in this room. Moments like these are going to be rare. When I’m with other Death Eaters then I need to act like a Death Eater. If I blow my position in this and I’m killed then you’re screwed.”

“Can you contact Dumbledore and tell him I’m ok?” Shay asked quietly.

“No, absolutely not. That’s too risky.”

Shay let a brief glimpse of disappointment show across her face.

“What are you going to do after you get me out of here?”

“I’m going to run. I don’t know how far I’ll make it but I’m going to do what Regulus did and get myself out of this mess.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Revenge. Revenge for my face, for your child, for Damien, and for Regulus. I’m not going to be one of his string puppets anymore. If that gets me killed then so be it. But I’m not going down without of fight,” Courtlyn thought and stood up.

“I have to go. Be prepared. I’m sure Bella or someone else will be in here later. Remember that we never had this conversation. Can you lock this away?” Courtlyn thought nervously.

“Don’t worry about it. He will never break into my mind.”

Courtlyn half-heartedly laugh at her sister’s cockiness.

“For both of our sakes, let’s hope not.”

Chapter 6: Feel the Pain
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*the plot and the OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.

**Sorry this one took so long and it's not very long. I just wrote it today, which never happens. But college has been taking up a lot of my time, but I will try to write more when I have down time. I'm sorry this chapter isn't longer but it's more of a build up to the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it thought. Remember to leave a review! I love to hear what you all think!

“What’s wrong with her?” Courtlyn asked Avery and Rookwood when she and Snape entered Shay’s prison.

“She won’t move. She’s not dead; I checked her pulse. I kicked her a few times but she didn’t react,” Avery said nonchalantly.

Courtlyn looked at Shay. She could see that she was breathing shallow breathes. Her skin was pasty and her cheeks were sunken in. Her lips were dry and chapped and her hair was matted down with mud and blood. Courtlyn could tell that Shay was close to death. Shay had been held captive for over three weeks.

“When’s the last time she drank any water?” Courtlyn asked and made her way over to her sister.

“I don’t know. I thought that was your responsibility,” Rookwood said.

“Are you an imbecile? I’ve been gone for a week. Don’t tell me that it’s been that long since she’s had water!” Courtlyn yelled.

Severus cleared his throat to indicate that she needed to settle down.

“When is the last time she ate?” Snape asked.

“We’ve been giving her bread once a day, but she won’t eat it. It’s really been attracting the rats,” Avery said and nodded his head over to a corner that a piece of half eaten bread was occupying.

“Well if she’s not eating on her own then make her eat. Do you think we can get secrets from a dead person?” Severus asked in a calm-yet-dangerous voice.

Avery and Rookwood just stood there.

“Go make yourselves useful and get some water.”

Avery and Rookwood left without saying a word.

“Stay here with her. I have a potion that will help her,” Severus said and swept out of the room.

Courtlyn stood over her sister in disbelief.

“I can’t believe I was stupid enough to leave her with these fools,” Courtlyn whispered to herself.

Severus swiftly entered the room and knelt down next to Shay.

“Cradle her head back,” he ordered.

Once when Courtlyn held Shay’s head in her hands, Severus opened the unconscious mouth and poured a sour smelling liquid down her throat.

“What is that?” Courtlyn asked.

“It’s a vitalizing potion. It will replenish what she’s missing but she’ll still need to eat and drink something.”

“Isn’t he going to be mad about you doing this?”

“Like I said before, you can’t get secrets from a dead person,” Snape said as the last of the potion dripped down Shay’s throat.

It took a few seconds until Shay sputtered back to consciousness. She couldn’t stop herself from coughing and her lungs burned as if there was a fire inside of her. When Avery came back with the water, Severus snapped on him.

“Did you get this straight from the well? Nothing gets done around here unless you do it yourself!”

Avery just grunted and spoke under his breath as he left the room again.

“Drink this,” Severus demanded and put the cracked and chipped glass to her lips.

Shay readily drank the warm water though her thirst felt unquenchable at the time.

“What happened?” Shay asked after she finished the water.

Her voice was course and low.

“You passed out. You were dehydrated, starving, and close to death. I just gave you a potion to bring you back,” Snape said.

“You should have just let me die,” Shay said with sincerity.

“That wouldn’t help any of us,” Courtlyn thought.

“You’re not the only getting beat down everyday. Where were you?” Shay asked and sat against the cold stone wall.

“I’m going to get some more water and food for her,” Snape said and left Shay and Courtlyn alone.

“Dad died. You-know-who has always had a thing for our family so he let me go visit mom for a week,” Courtlyn said and waited to see Shay’s reaction.

“Good, I’m glad he’s dead. How’d it happen?”

“Too much drinking. Mom is a wreck or she’s leading on to be the grieving widow. I don’t think she ever got over Damien’s death.”

“She didn’t care about Dad or Damien. None of you even went to Damien’s funeral,” Shay spat out.

“We couldn’t go because of him. He would have killed us all. Damien was a traitor in his eyes, just as you are,” Courtlyn said sadly.

“Whatever. Like I said before, I’m glad he’s dead. He never cared about me; he never cared about any of us. And I can’t wait until that old hag dies too,” Shay said with venom.

“Stop. I still consider them my parents. They might not have been the best, but they took care of us.”

“You are delusional. He used to beat me for no good reason. He did the same to Damien until Damien was bigger than him. Our parents hated each other. They were basically forced to have kids together and look how that turned out for all of us. I know how it feels to love a child with all you have inside you and I never once felt that from either of them,” Shay finished just as Severus came back into the room.

The tension in the air was suffocating.

“You two need to watch what you say,” Snape said and handed Shay three pieces of bread and a bigger glass of water.

“Either way, I’m back now. So I won’t make sure this happens again. I’ll be back later,” Courtlyn said and left the room in a fast stride.

“I guess I scared her off,” Shay said and took a small bite of the stale bread.

“She’s never understood a lot of things. For a long time she lived happily in ignorance,” Severus said while watching Shay eat.

“I’m not the delusional one, right? They treated me like complete crap, all of you did.”

“Eat,” was all that Severus said.

“I still don’t understand why you want to help. What’s in it for you?” Shay asked with a mouthful of bread.

“I have my reasons.”

“Crucio,” Courtlyn croaked.

It was a weak spell but an already beaten and bruised Shay found it excruciating. It wouldn’t be happening but Lucius was standing right next to Courtlyn.

Tears streamed out of Shay’s eyes while she waited for the next wave of pain to come. This had become a regular activity in her life. Voldemort had started to become very impatient after waiting for over five months for Shay to crack. He had come close a few times, but to no avail had he gotten any information yet. Shay wished that her heart would just give out sometimes.

“Move over. I’ll take care of this,” Lucius said and pushed Courtlyn out of the way.

“Crucio!” Lucius yelled and got a satisfying scream out of Shay.

“Please,” Shay whispered into the dirt on the floor.

Lucius bent down and grabbed her by her hair.

“Are you ready to comply?” Lucius asked in a low dangerous tone.

All Shay wanted to do was cry. She did want to quit, but she knew she couldn’t. She mustered all the strength she had left and blasted Lucius into the hard stone wall. He hit the wall hard but not hard enough to knock him out, just piss him off more.

“You little bitch!” Lucius growled and charged after Shay, who didn’t even have the strength to try to protect herself again.

Courtlyn got in front of Lucius before anything bad happened.

“If you kill her, he will kill you. Go cool off,” Courtlyn said and pushed Lucius towards the door.

He did not want to leave, but he also did not want to get himself killed.

“Take care of her, and if you don’t, I’ll take care of you,” Lucius threatened before leaving the room with a slight limp.

Courtlyn scrambled towards Shay and gave her a small amount of the healing potion Severus had made. If she gave Shay too much, it would become obvious, so Courtlyn could only give her enough to keep her alive and sane.

“Why did you do that?” Courtlyn thought.

“He was going to kill me. I heard him thinking about it,” Shay wheezed out.

“You shouldn’t have used your wandless abilities.”

“Well, it’s not like you were helping.”

“You know I can’t. They’d kill me and then you really wouldn’t have a chance.”

“I don’t want a chance anymore. I can’t do this. I can’t take this anymore,” Shay whispered and tried to hold back more tears.

“It won’t be much longer. There is going to be a very big battle in two weeks. That’s when I’ll take you. I’m going to leave you at Hogwarts. You’ll be safe there and then I’m going to run. You just need to hang on until then. Severus is going to make more healing potion. I just need you to be strong,” Courtlyn begged in her mind.

Shay couldn’t respond. She just closed her eyes and let the tears fall from her eyes. She hadn’t cried much since she had been down there but she was to her breaking point. She wasn’t sure if she could make it two weeks without giving up.

“I want to see him again,” Shay said softly.

“See who? Sirius?”

Shay shook her head slowly and more hot tears leaked down her face.

“I want to see Cillian again. Part of the reason I joined the Order was to protect his future. It just got him killed. I don’t want to fight anymore, I just want to see my baby again.”

Chapter 7: There's No Place Like Home
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*the plot and OCs are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.

“Bring her in here,” Voldemort said as if he were bored.

“My lord, it’s almost time…” Courtlyn spoke up but was quickly cut off.

“You are not in the position to question me. We have time. I know it won’t take long,” he finished.

Courtlyn briskly walked away, not sure what to expect. She hadn’t thought Voldemort would have brought Shay out today. Today was the day that Courtlyn was going to get Shay out of the hell she’s been in. She just hoped that Shay could hold on for a few wxtra minutes.

Courtlyn quietly opened the door and Shay became immediately alert. Shay knew that it was the day she was getting out of there.

“Is it time?” Shay asked with underlying excitement.

“No. I’m sorry. He wants you out there,” Courtlyn thought sadly.

Shay could have cried. She didn’t know if she could take another session with Voldemort, but she was so close to being free.

“Shay, if you last through this, then you’re done. I’m getting you out of here as soon as their gone. That’s minutes away,” Courtlyn offered.

Shay just nodded her head and knew that somehow she’d make it through this last obstacle. She was going to be back home soon.

Shay walked slowly and stiffly through the circle of masked Death Eaters that had become familiar with Courtlyn’s wand pushed deep into her back. Once when she stepped in front of Voldemort, Courtlyn pushed her to her knees and then got into line with the rest of the Death Eaters.

“How are you today, Shay?” Voldemort asked with an uninterested tone.

“I’ve been better,” Shay said with a small smirk.

She had received a lot of wounds since she had been with the Death Eaters, but it never made her afraid. She may have wanted to give up a few times, especially towards the end but she never once faltered on her stance against Voldemort and his followers.

“Are you ready to give me what I want?” Voldemort asked icily.

He had grown sick of Shay but found amazement in the fact that he could not break into the mind of a twenty-year-old girl.

Shay didn’t answer, but gave him an annoyingly crooked smile. Voldemort often thought that if Albus Dumbledore hadn’t corrupted this girl that she could have easily been his second in command. Bellatrix was definitely loyal and smart and Lucius and Severus were also very good supporters, but Voldemort knew that none of them could have lasted as long as the girl in front of him. He saw qualities of himself in her.

Voldemort gave no warning before he entered Shay’s mind for the countless time. Even though Shay was tired and near defeat, the wall around her mind was as strong as ever. She had hope for today. Shay felt that familiar white hot heat that made her head want to explode, however it seemed amplified that day. The pain was considerably close to the pain of a strong Cruciatus curse.

“I admire your strength, Shay. It’s your stupidity I can’t understand,” Voldemort said after her broke out of Shay’s mind.

“I always thought I was pretty smart,” Shay quipped back while trying to get ready for the next round.

“If you were smart, you would have given in the day you got here and joined the winning side,” Voldemort said with a slick voice.

Shay let out a short, twisted laugh.

“Here’s how I know that your side is neither smart nor winning. You wanted me, you always have. We all know that. And yes, you did get me, but you made a mistake. If you want to convince somebody to join you, don’t take away the things that mean the most to them. You took away my son. To be honest, if my son was back home waiting for me and his life was on the line depending what I did here, you may have had a chance. But you took everything important away from me after he was killed. That’s were you messed up,” Shay said in a realization.

She had never thought of it that way before.

“The child was a warning. I can be persuasive in many ways,” Voldemort said stiffly.

“No, you know that you screwed up. But how could you have known. You don’t know what love is. I know all about your life. Your mother was only alive long enough to name you after your dead-beat muggle father. He hated the idea of being with you and your mother. Even though you were one of the most regarded students to ever come out of Hogwarts, you never knew how to make friends. You were lonely and angry and you wanted revenge. You’ve transformed yourself into a monster; you’re not even human anymore. I almost feel bad for you. I know how that feels to not be loved by the people that are supposed to do so unconditionally. But I have you to blame for that. I’m just an experiment to you, but you failed. I’m smarter than all these people. I know that what you’re doing is wrong. You have innocent people killed because you have a grudge against your father who was tricked into having you. You started a war over this man. It seems like you care more about him than you care to believe,” Shay said in a cool and collected tone.

She couldn’t believe she got through saying that without Voldemort killing her on the spot.

“Are you done?” Voldemort asked with danger dripping from each word.

“Are you?” Shay countered back.

Without answering, Voldemort entered her mind again. Shay felt like a train hit her square in the forehead and was trying to squeeze into her mind. But she had her mind locked under miles of steel, at least that’s what it felt like.

For the first time, Shay pushed back. She knew that Voldemort wasn’t expecting it because she slowly was able to creep into his mind. She wasn’t even sure if he realized what she was doing. Shay soon started to see images of a small dark-haired boy flicker in front of her eyes. He exuded cruelty and disregard. Shay knew that that was a young Tom Riddle. Even as a child, he seemed inhuman. His memories were colored in red; they felt angry and hot. She had never been inside of a mind like his before. But she should have known Voldemort wouldn’t have an ordinary mind. She finally felt a surge of heat, as if fire was burning her face. She wanted to pull out of his mind, but it was as if he had her trapped in there. She started to see horrible events that would be burned into her brain forever. It felt as if she had been stuck in his head for years, when in fact it had only been seconds. Suddenly the connection vanished and her surroundings returned to her sight. She found that Voldemort was standing in front of her. She had never seen him stand before. He seemed like a giant. She was sure that she was going to die that very moment. Voldemort had murder in his eyes. Shay made eye contact with him one more time before a spell hit her square in the chest. The spell projected her body back at a fast speed.

“Why didn’t he hit me with the killing curse?” Shay thought as she flew in the air.

She didn’t get to think about it much more before her body, particularly her head, hit the wall with a sickening crack.

“Drag her back to her room,” Voldemort directed towards Courtlyn and she scrambled towards Shay.

Blood was seeping out of her sister’s head.

“What are you all waiting for? If you don’t defeat the Order tonight, you will all get worse than her!” Voldemort yelled and swept out of the room.

All of the Death Eaters in the room immediately disapparated without a word said. Courtlyn knew that she didn’t have time. With Shay held tightly in her arms, Courtlyn disapparated to the first place she thought of.

Courtlyn appeared in the back of Alberforth Dumbledore’s pub, the Hog’s Head, in Hogsmeade. She looked down and saw that Shay’s face was paling considerably. Courtlyn’s robe was covered in Shay’s blood. Alberforth must have heard the pop because he entered the backroom a few seconds after Courtlyn and Shay arrived.

“What is this?” he asked in an alert voice.

“I need you to take her to Hogwarts and no where else. This is Shay Calhoun. She’s been missing for six months. She’s a member of the Order of the Phoenix,” Courtlyn said quickly.

“I know who that is. What happened to her?” Alberforth asked and walked closer to the sisters.

“She’s been held captured and tortured by Death Eaters. She hit her head. You need to take her to Madam Pomfrey at Hogwarts immediately or she will die,” Courtlyn said and helped Alberforth pick up the bleeding Shay.

“Who are you?” Alberforth asked.

“It doesn’t matter. Just take her now,” Courtlyn said in a shaky and uncertain voice.

And before Alberforth could speak again, Courtlyn was gone.

The battles kept on getting harder. The Order had to pull out early before anyone got hurt because they were so greatly outnumbered.

Sirius was definitely hurting after the battle. Blood was seeping out of a deep cut that was located on the right side of his chest. Bellatrix had enjoyed giving him that. He was about to sit down and wait for Poppy Pomfrey to come through like usual, when Lily ran up to him with a look he hadn’t seen from her in a while. Excitement.

“Sirius! You have to come with me!” Lily seemed closed to tears.

But these weren’t the tears he got used to over the past months; these were tears of joy. She was beaming.

“What is it?” he asked cautiously.

“Just follow me. You’ll never believe it,” Lily said and grabbed her husband’s hand before fleeing the room.

James looked back at Sirius in confusion before Sirius followed Lily in pursuit.

Lily lead James and Sirius into Dumbledore’s office, which was vacant and picked up a handful of floo powder.

“Hogwarts Hospital Wing!” Lily yelled and was quickly eaten by the green flames.

James and Sirius both followed in suit. As long as his side got fixed, the hospital wing sounded like a good place to be.

Sirius walked out of the fireplace and into the familiar wing of Hogwarts. He found Lily and James standing next to each other next to a bed. Then he saw Albus, Minerva, and Poppy standing in front of the bed.

Sirius walked over slowly, holding his breath as he went. It wasn’t until he realized who was occupying that bed that he let his breath go.

“She’s alive, Sirius. You were right. Shay’s alive,” was the last thing Sirius heard before he broke down.

“How did she get here?” Sirius asked Dumbledore who was sitting next to him on the bed that was to the right of Shay’s.

“She was dropped off at my brother Alberforth’s pub. He said the woman who dropped her off told him to take her here,” Albus answered.

“Who dropped her off?”

“Alberforth said she had a black cloak on and he didn’t see her face and that she left before he could ask her name.”

“What’s wrong with her?” Sirius asked, scared to know the answer.

“As far as we know, she hit her head. But until she is awake, we will not know the extent of her injuries or what she has gone through to get here,” Albus said softly.

“I knew it. I knew she wasn’t dead, but nobody believed me. I have her back. I was starting to think this day would never come,” Sirius said and began to cry again.

“I am happy for you, Sirius. It’s been a long day for us all. Maybe you should go home and get some rest,” Dumbledore suggested.

“No. There’s no way I’m leaving her now. She could wake up at any moment and I want to be the first person she sees,” Sirius said with determination.

Before Dumbledore could respond, the fire roared and out walked Remus along with Lily and James.

“Great,” Sirius said under his breath.

Sirius had to make sure that Shay saw him first.

Remus looked at Shay in disbelief. He couldn’t believe that she was there in front of him. She looked terrible but she was breathing and that’s all that mattered. It was almost too much for him to take.

“When?” was all he got out.

“Just a few hours ago. She was dropped off at the Hog’s Head to my brother who was instructed to take her here. She hit her head pretty hard but I expect her to wake up soon,” Dumbledore explained to Remus and rose from his seat next to Sirius.

And it was as if his words were magic because Shay’s eyes fluttered open and she began to look around wildly.

“Where am I?” she asked frantically.

Sirius sprang up from the bed and bent over Shay.

“You’re at Hogwarts. You’re safe now, Shay,” Sirius said and had tears running down is face.

Lily ran over and gave her best friend a hug but made sure not to hurt her.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” Lily cried over Shay.

Shay stiffed in Lily’s arms. Lily was alarmed that she hurt her so she let her go.

“Are you ok, Shay?” Lily asked.

“Who’s Shay?” Shay asked with confusion beaming from her eyes.

“What? You are,” Sirius urged.

James and Remus came closer to make sure that they had heard things right.

“I don’t know who that it,” Shay said in a panic.

Lily looked back at James in disbelief.

“You’re Shay Calhoun. You were missing for four months,” James said, not sure what else to say.

Shay just shook her head and began to feel overwhelmed.

“Shay you’re back here with us. You’re safe now. You’re back here with me,” Sirius said softly.

Shay stared intensely at him for a few seconds.

“Who are you?”

Chapter 8: Remember Me?
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*the plot and OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.

“What are we going to do?” Lily asked particularly no one.

While Shay was trying to clean the months of dirt off of her body, Lily, James, Sirius, Remus and Dumbledore had gathered in his office to discuss what they had just discovered.

“Well, she doesn’t remember any of us,” James said, still in awe that Shay had apparently lost all of the memories that she once had.

“But she obviously knows how to walk and talk and the basic functions of life. So she must not have lost everything. But how do we get her memory back, if we even can?” Remus questioned.

“I believe only time will tell if Shay will get her memory back. We still need to find out if she can retain new memories or if she even remembers magic. If we introduce her to things that she used to be familiar with then it might be easier for her to remember,” Dumbledore said as the reasonable voice in the room.

“I have a suggestion,” Sirius interjected, speaking up for the first time.

Everyone waited for him to continue.

“How about we don’t tell her anything. We can let her start over. Why make her relive everything that she’s been through? This could be her chance to start over,” Sirius finished.

“Sirius, I don’t know. That seems awfully sneaky,” Lily said.

“But it’s not. We’ll tell her about her life; it’s just that we’ll keep out the bad things that happened. I think we’ll be helping her,” Sirius said, trying to reason with everyone.

“That won’t really leave us much to tell. Shay has had a hard life but that’s what made her who she is,” Remus spoke up.

“So you’re going to remind her about what she did to you? Do you want to relive that?” Sirius asked harshly.

“She needs to know Sirius. This idea you have is ridiculous. You’re talking about the possibility of having to hide her from the world just so you don’t have to tell her about Cillian and Amélie. This isn’t benefiting Shay, this is benefiting you,” Remus finished.

“I agree with him. Sirius, there’s a possibility that she will gain her memory back. What would happen then?” James asked.

“I don’t know, James. I just can’t…” Sirius stopped to regain himself, “I can’t tell her what happened. I’ve tried so hard to try to forget what’s happened. I can’t be responsible for putting that pain on her again. So I can’t do it and I hope you all have enough respect for me to not tell her,” Sirius said and battled with the tears that threatened to roll down his face.

There was an uneasy silence after Sirius spoke.

“I’ll respect your wishes, Sirius,” Lily spoke up first and Sirius gave her a nod of gratitude.

“Prongs?” Sirius asked using the endearing nickname.

“Sirius, I just don’t know,” James contemplated.

“If you ever wanted to help me, if you ever wanted to do anything for me, now would be the time,” Sirius pleaded.

James paused before lightly nodding in agreement with Sirius.

Remus started to laugh in disbelief.

“You always get what you want.”

Remus smiled because if he didn’t, he would have thrown a full-blown fit.

“Albus, Miss Calhoun is ready,” Madame Pomfrey said and broke some of the uneasy tension in the room.

“Thank you, Poppy. We will be right along,” Dumbledore said and Madame Pomfrey left the room.

“I think it’s a good idea to go find out what Shay remembers,” Dumbledore said and started towards the door.

Sirius, James and Lily followed suit but Remus stood still.

“Are you coming?” Lily asked.

“No, I can’t be a part of this. I’m not going to lie to her,” Remus said.

Lily gave him a sad look before leaving the room.

“Shay, there are some people here to see you,” Madame Pomfrey said to Shay, who was on the far side of the room, her bed hidden behind curtains.

“Who is it?” Shay asked with immense curiosity.

“Albus Dumbledore and your friends, Sirius Black and Lily and James Potter,” Madame Pomfrey said through the curtain.

“I don’t know any of those people. I want to see people that I know,” Shay demanded.

“Who do you know? Whom would you like us to find?” Dumbledore asked.

“I don’t know,” Shay paused for a moment, “Where’s my family?” Shay asked.

“We are you family!” Sirius blurted and ran through the curtain.

He was shocked by how Shay looked. He thought after she washed the dirt and blood away, she would look like the Shay he remembered. But she didn’t. Her face was covered in bruises and scratches, as he imagined the rest of her body resembled. Her hair was so matted and unkempt that it would have to be cut off to restore. And her eyes, which were once bright and full of life, were now dull and her gaze seemed light years away. She totally and utterly looked lost.

“Who said you could come in here? Get out!” Shay yelled and threw a pillow at him.

Sirius let the pillow hit him in the face.

“Shay, we are your family,” Sirius said more calmly this time.

“No, she said you were my friends. I don’t want my friends right now, I want my family,” Shay said in a scared and shaky voice.

Sirius finally saw how upset she actually was and backed out through the curtain.

“So what’s your plan now?” James asked Sirius, who was absolutely speechless.

“I have a plan for you. Go away!” Shay yelled from the other side of the curtain.

“At least she remembers how to yell at you,” James said with a small smile, which made Lily elbow him and Sirius shoot him a glare.

“I think that’s a good idea. Let me tell her about her family. It’s going to be a lot to take in,” Dumbledore said.

“What are you going to say to her?” Sirius asked nervously.

“I’m going to tell her about her parents and her siblings. Nothing more and nothing less. I think it will be all she can take today. Now go home and get some rest. It’s been a long day,” Dumbledore said and reassuringly patted Sirius on the shoulder.

Sirius nodded and followed James and Lily out of the infirmary.

“Shay, will it be all right if I talk to you for a little while?” Dumbledore asked softly.

“Who are you again?” Shay asked cautiously.

“My name is Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. I am the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot and receiver of the Order of Merlin, First Class. You may, however, just refer to me as Albus,” Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye that Shay could not see, but could hear.

“And you’re not my friend?” Shay asked.

“Not if you don’t want me to be,” Dumbledore said.

“All right. You can come sit down,” Shay said.

Dumbledore entered through the curtain and Shay looked at him curiously.

“I remember you,” Shay said.

“You do? What do you remember?”

“Well, I just remember seeing you after I woke up, but I heard your voice before I saw you. You have a very recognizable voice,” Shay said wit a small smile.

She felt very comfortable around the old, bespectacled man.

“You were asking about your family before. Do you remember any of them?”

“Well,” Shay thought of anything resembling a family, “I don’t know. I don’t even know my full name,” Shay said with disappointment in her eyes.

“Your full name is Shay Iona Calhoun. You’re a twenty-year-old, pure blood witch from a small wizarding village in Northern Ireland. Do you know that you’re a witch?” Dumbledore asked.

“I know what I am. I just don’t know who I am.”

“Right, your mother is Elladora Calhoun, a pure blood witch from the Prince family. She’s English and was a student here at Hogwarts. Your father’s name was Arcturus Calhoun. The Calhouns are a very old Irish wizarding family. Your father was also a student at Hogwarts. They were both in Slytherin.”

“What is Hogwarts and what’s Slytherin?”

“Hogwarts is where you are right now. You lived here for seven years. It’s a school for witches and wizards. Hogwarts students are separated into four different houses: Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin. You were in Gryffindor and that is where the problem lies.”

“Problem? What problem?” Shay asked with confusion.

“I will get to that. Your parents had three children. Damien, who was three years older than you, was in Ravenclaw and Courtlyn, who is a year younger than you, was in Slytherin. The thing about your parents and with many pure blood families is that they believe blood is everything. There is a war going on right now Shay,” Dumbledore said solemnly.

“A war? Why?”

“There is a man named Tom Riddle who is trying to take over our world. He is a very dark wizard, powerful, but dark. He is responsible for many people’s deaths. He’s responsible for what happened to you.”

“I don’t remember anyone named Tom Riddle.”

“Well, most people know him as Lord Voldemort and his followers are called Death Eaters. Your sister is a Death Eater.”

“My sister is evil?” Shay asked.

“No, I would say she’s confused. While you and your brother were able to think for yourselves, Courtlyn always had a hard time deciding what was right and wrong. Shay, you are a part of the Order of the Phoenix. We fight against Lord Voldemort. Your brother was a member as well.”

“Was? What does that mean? Where is my brother?” Shay asked.

“Damien died three years ago in battle. He was killed by a Death Eater,” Dumbledore said softly.

“Was I close to him?” Shay asked quietly while trying to remember her brother.

“Yes, you two were very close. In a family full of dark wizards, you two were the only ones on our side. It was something your parents despised.”

“So what you’re telling me is that I have relatives, but I don’t have a family?” Shay asked, grasping what was being told to her.

“Yes, it can be put that way. It is just you, your mother and your sister left. Your father passed away while you were missing,” Dumbledore said softly.

“How long was I gone?” Shay asked.

“You were captured in May. It is now November.”

“I was gone for half a year,” Shay said in disbelief.

Dumbledore waited silently for Shay to soak in the information.

“I was gone for six months but now I can’t remember the last twenty years. It’s almost laughable,” Shay said with a grimace.

“We will help you remember what you forgot. Even though you do not have a family, you have many people that care about you Shay. You’ll realize that soon enough. Now, I do believe it’s time for me to leave you, so you can get some rest,” Dumbledore said and stood.

“All right, that sounds like a good idea. I’ll be seeing you tomorrow, Albus?” Shay asked, with a slight concern.

She was worried that she would wake up the next morning not knowing where she was again.

“Yes Shay. Whether you remember me or not, you will see me tomorrow. Goodnight,” Dumbledore said with a smile and disappeared in a flash, almost as if he was never there.

Shay laid in her bed and tossed and turned, trying to remember any simple detail about her life. She was disturbed by the fact that she apparently had a brother that she may never remember. She was disturbed by the fact that many people knew how she was but she could not remember the previous days.

As she was trying to find some sort of solace, she felt a presence by her bed. She looked over and saw a large black dog sitting next to her bed, staring at her intently. Surprisingly, the dog did not alarm her at all.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to be in here. That lady would probably have a fit if she saw you,” Shay said to the dog.

And to her astonishment, she could have sworn the dog smiled at her.

Shay shook the craziness out of her head and patted the empty spot next to her on the bed. The dog jumped up instantly and Shay took a closer look at it.

The dog’s shiny black coat was incredibly soft and its eyes were an intense grey.

“I suppose you could sleep here tonight if you want. Just don’t get me in to any trouble, all right?” Shay asked and wondered why she was having a conversation with a dog.

The dog licked her face before settling down next to her on the bed. Shay was surprised by how much better she felt with the dog next to her. She easily fell asleep with the warm presence beside her, feeling safe for the first time since she woke up.

Chapter 9: Do You Want to Know a Secret?
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*the plot and the OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.

**Sorry it took so long but anyone who was waiting for this should thank tinytonks11 or else it probably would have been a lot longer wait. I hope you enjoy this chapter. This chapter really moves the plot a long and a lot of things you all should recognize will start setting into place. Let me know how you feel about it and as always enjoy!

There was crying. The sound only got stronger as Shay made her way down the demolished hallway. How she made her way to this point, she had no clue. It was as if a bomb had gone off and the only traces of the house left over were the supporting structure and dust from the drywall. Shay made her way towards the consistent crying. She felt frantic and desperate but had no recollection of why she felt that way.

“Just hold on! I’m coming!” Shay yelled out as she finally reached the doorway of her destination.

There was a large pile of rubble in the middle of the room and cold air swept through the holes in the walls. Shay covered her mouth in horror when she saw that a pair of legs was sticking out of the bottom of the wreckage. She ran over and began digging. The crying was growing stronger and louder as she dug deeper and she knew that she could save who ever was at the bottom of the pile. She couldn’t dig fat enough. Her fingers were bleeding from the sharp edges of shrapnel pile. But before she could reach the person, she found the source of the crying. It was a baby. He was just about a year old with pale skin and black hair. He was red from crying for so long and there was a small trail of blood running down his face.

Shay tried to calm him down while she inspected the cut that the blood was coming from. It was an oddly shaped cut. There was what seemed to be a lightning bolt on the child’s forehead. Shay went to wipe some of the blood off of it but when she touched it, the baby stopped crying completely. Then all Shay felt was bewilderment as the baby’s emerald eyes stared into her own.

“Hey,” Sirius said after Shay opened her eyes.

“Hello,” Shay said back and stared at him.

She recognized him from the day before but she couldn’t remember his name.

“You don’t remember me, do you?” Sirius asked with a small smile.

“I remember your face. You can’t forget a face like that. But, no, I don’t remember your name.”

“Sirius Black.”

Shay let out a small laugh.

“Is there something wrong with my name?” Sirius asked, semi-offended.

“No, it’s just that it doesn’t suit you. Sirius Black sounds dark and mysterious. I don’t think you’re either of those things.”

“And what makes you think that?” Sirius asked.

“Someone who is dark and mysterious wouldn’t watch over someone they barely know.”

“Barely know you? Shay, we’ve been friends for ever twenty years. You’ve been gone for seven months and I never want to loose you again. If that means watching you while you sleep, then so be it,” Sirius said with sincerity.

Shay smiled back at him.

“You look beautiful. I missed that smile.”

“Now I know you’re lying. I looked at myself yesterday. My face is all cut up and black and blue, my hair looks like a rat’s nest and you can see every bone in my body. I have no clue what I’m supposed to look like but I am no where near beautiful.”

Sirius began to dig in his pockets and brought out his wallet. He opened it and pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Shay.

“Who is that? Your girlfriend?” Shay asked as she looked at the blonde beauty that was wrapped in Sirius’s arms.

Sirius let out a bark of laughter before answering her.

“You could say that. That’s you Shay.”

Shay looked dumbfounded as she examined the picture again. She didn’t want to believe it but the girl in the picture had the same eyes as her.

“Well, that’s how I used to look,” Shay said and handed the photo back to Sirius.

“You’ll look like yourself soon enough. Madam Pomfrey is one of the best healers around. And even if you don’t, I’ll still be here and so will everyone else.”

Shay smiled in appreciation but hoped that Sirius would drop the subject.

“So how did you sleep? I imagine you haven’t slept very well in the past seven months.”

“Madam Pomfrey gave me a sleeping potion, so I didn’t really have a choice. But I did have this really strange dream. It felt so real; maybe it was an actual memory.”

“Tell me about it. Maybe I can help you,” Sirius said and leaned forward in his chair.

“I was in this house and it was destroyed. I was walking down the hall, towards this crying. It was constant and the only thing I could think of was getting to whoever was crying. Then I got there and there was this big pile of rubble and a person beneath it and I started digging. And I found this baby and he had black hair and blood on his face,” Shay stopped when she felt herself get upset.

Sirius’s face had gone white. He was sure that she had dreamt of Cillian and he didn’t know what to do.

“Hey guys,” James said as he, Lily and Harry entered the infirmary.

Shay instantly recognized the child.

“That’s him. That’s the baby that I pulled out of the rubble,” Shay said to Sirius.

Sirius, James and Lily all looked bewildered.

“Can I hold him?” Shay asked.

Lily walked over with Harry in her arms. She handed him to Shay and Shay and Harry just stared at each other.

“Where is his scar?” Shay asked.

“What scar?” Lily asked, completely confused by her best friend.

“He should gave a scar on his forehead. A lightning bolt scar,” Shay trailed off and traced the lightning bolt on Harry’s forehead with her finger.

“Shay, he’s never had a scrape in his entire life,” James said.

“But in my dream,” Shay said and handed Harry back to his mother.

“You had a dream about him?” Lily asked with concern.

“Yea, last night.”

“Shay, that’s impossible. You’ve never seen him before. I was still pregnant when you were captured.”

“But it was him. He has the same eyes. Emerald green eyes.”

The room fell silent and nobody was sure what to do.

“I think somebody’s going to try to hurt your baby.”

“I’m sorry if I scared you the other day. That dream was just so realistic,” Shay said to Lily as they sat and ate sandwiches on Shay’s bed in the infirmary.

Lily had come to help Shay salvage her hair.

“Don’t worry about it. James and I aren’t worried about it,” Lily said with clear self-doubt in her voice.

“I saw it in both of your eyes. Have I ever done anything like that before?” Shay asked.

“I’m not entirely sure. You never really liked to talk about stuff like that. Not that you were really allowed to anyway.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Shay asked while trying to swallow a mouthful of food.

Lily grimaced at her.

“That’s disgusting. If I didn’t know you so well I would have thought that you forgot your manners as well,” Lily said.

“Oh, you’re hilarious,” Shay said with a grin and took a big bite of her sandwich.

Shay really liked having Lily around. She knew that people weren’t lying when they said that she and Lily were best friends. She felt naturally comfortable around her.

“Is this better?” Shay asked now that her mouth was empty.

Lily just smiled and rolled her eyes.

“So what did you mean before about how I wasn’t allowed to talk about some stuff?”

“It’s not that you couldn’t talk about things, it’s something that you and Dumbledore decided would be best for your safety.”

Shay just nodded her head even though she didn’t understand.

When Shay looked at Lily again, she saw that Lily had tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Shay asked with concern.

“Nothing, I’m just being silly,” Lily said with a small smile and wiped her eyes a little.

“You can tell me what’s wrong, Lily. That’s what friends do, right?”

“It’s just…you were dead. We had a funeral for you. But you’re not dead; you’re safe. I’ve lost…we’ve all lost so any people that we cared about. But you came back, but you’re not here. I know this sounds selfish but I want you to know who I am when you see me.”

“I do know who you are. You’re Lily Potter and you’re my best friend. Your husband’s name is James and you have a son named Harry,” Shay interrupted.

“When you see me, I want you to know that I’m a muggle born and I don’t get along with my sister because she hates magic. I want you to know that I hated James from the day I met him until I was 16 and then I fell madly in love with him. I want you to know that I wanted you to be Harry’s godmother because you were always more of a sister to me than my own ever was.”

“All you have to do is tell me these things. I can be the person I used to be. I’m here now and I don’t plan on leaving any time soon. Not that Sirius would let me. I‘m surprised he’s not here right now,” Shay said with a smile.

“He’s with Harry and James,” Lily said quietly and Shay could see the conflict in her face.

“What’s wrong, Lily? Is there something you need to tell me?” Shay asked.

“It’s about leaving.”

Shay waited for her to continue as Lily tried to find what to say.

“James, Harry and I are going to be going away for a while,” Lily said and looked at her best friend who was confused and shocked.

“I don’t understand. Do you mean a vacation or something?” Shay asked but knew that that wasn’t what Lily meant.

“Shay, your dream wasn’t wrong. Somebody is going to try to hurt Harry. It’s the same man that hurt you,” Lily said and let her tears fall freely down her face.

“Why didn’t you tell me when I asked you? Why is he trying to hurt Harry?” Shay asked in a panic.

This man, this Lord whatever name she couldn’t remember, did terrible things to her. She doesn’t remember a thing that happened but she knew he did horrible things to her. To only imagine that he wanted to do those things to a baby struck fear and panic in Shay.

“There was a prophecy that was said in front of Dumbledore that Lord Voldemort found out about. Albus thinks that it would be the best for Harry to go into hiding until the war is over. If everything goes right, nobody will be able to find us, friend or enemy.”

“When are you leaving?” Shay asked and was holding back tears.

She felt as if she had just met her best friend and now she was getting taken away.

“Tomorrow. James, Harry and I will stop in and say goodbye tomorrow but then you probably won’t see us for a while.”

“I’m sorry this had to happen to you guys. I wish there was something I could do,” Shay said and wiped away the tear that streaked down her face.

“All you have to do is get better. And make sure Sirius doesn’t get too bored,” Lily said with a smile.

“Does he know yet?”

“James is telling him today. I’m going to go meet up with them later because we have a favor to ask Sirius,” Lily said.

Shay didn’t ask about the favor because she could tell Lily didn’t want to talk about it.

“We’ve almost got Madam Pomfrey convinced to let Jack stay here with you,” Lily said, changing the subject.

“Who’s Jack?” Shay asked.

“He’s your dog. Sirius didn’t tell you about him?”

“Is he big and black and furry?”


“Well don’t tell Poppy but he’s been coming to visit me every night since I’ve been here,” Shay said with a smile, thinking about how much it helped having a companion at night.

“Shay, that’s impossible. Jack is by Harry’s crib every morning and night.”

“Do you think it’s just a stray?” Shay asked.

Lily smiled and nodded her head.

“Yea, something like that.”

Lily came home to a house that was quieter than normal. Harry was on the family room floor playing with a variety of toys while Sirius was sitting beside Harry and James was lying on the couch.

“I told Shay that we would stop by tomorrow before everything,” Lily said as she sat on the other side of Harry.

“How’s she take the news?” James asked.

“She was confused but I think she understands now. How are you doing?” Lily asked Sirius.

“I’m going to miss you guys but if this is what is going to keep you all safe then I’m all for it.”

“Sirius, we have a favor to ask of you,” Lily said and scooped up Harry into her lap.

“Yea, what is it?”

“James and I want you to be our secret keeper,” Lily said.

“What’s a secret keeper?”

“It’s the spell that Albus told us about. To complete it we need one person who will know our location and keep it a secret. We want that to be you, Sirius,” James said.

“Wow, that’s a big favor. But of course I’ll do it.”

“Thank you Sirius. You don’t know how much this means to us,” Lily said and looked down at Harry who was yawning and getting ready to fall asleep.

“James, Harry’s ready to go to bed. Do you mind tucking Harry in while I chat with Sirius?” Lily asked.

James gave her a questioning look but agreed and carried Harry out of the room after Lily and Sirius said goodnight to him.

“So what did you want to talk about?” Sirius asked.

“What are you doing with Shay?”

“What do you mean?”

“Going to Hogwarts every night as Padfoot. Sirius, do you realize how much danger that puts you in? What if somebody found out about you being an illegal animagi? What about James and Peter? Or heaven forbid somebody following you to Shay. Sirius, I don’t think you thought this through at all.”

“Yea, I guess I didn’t. I’m sorry but I can’t stand to be away from her. I feel that if I take my eyes off of her she’ll be gone. Do you understand that?”

“I actually do Sirius. This miracle happened and now she’s back and I’m leaving. But Shay’s not going anywhere. She’s safe now. In fact she’s at one of the safest places she could be. Just promise me that you won’t screw this up. You got the second chance you wanted. But if you hurt her again I will come out of hiding and kill you myself,” Lily said with a smile.

“I would never put her through that again. I promise.”

Lily got up to join James but spoke again before she left.

“You are going to have to tell Shay that it was you visiting her every night. She’s going to miss having Padfoot around,” Lily said and bid Sirius a goodnight.

“Are we doing the right thing?” Lily asked James, as they got ready for bed.

“Absolutely. It may not sound appealing to go and hide somewhere but we have to think about Harry. This is his future we’re talking about.”

“You’re right. It just feels wrong to leave right now though. Everything is all screwed up,” Lily said and sat on the bed.

“Yea, it is right now but think about when this whole thing is going to be over. Everything should be back to normal by then and we can live the rest of our lives happily ever after,” James said and kissed Lily on top of her head.

Both of them were ready to get into bed when they heard a knock on their door.

“Come in,” James said.

“Hey, sorry to bother you guys but I have an idea,” Sirius said while leaning against the doorframe.

“An idea about what?” Lily asked.

“This whole secret keeper thing. Who do you think people are going to expect to be the secret keeper?”

“Most likely you or maybe even Shay if she wasn’t supposed to be dead,” James said.

“Yes exactly. What if you guys used somebody that nobody would expect?” Sirius suggested.

“Like who?” James asked.

“My first suggestion would have been Shay because of that steel trap mind but she can’t even remember her last name,” Sirius said.

“What about Remus?” Lily asked.

“No, it’s too risky. People would expect it to be him. Who is someone that you trust who is loyal and quiet and nobody would expect him to carry a responsibility that big?” Sirius asked with a smile.

“Peter,” James and Lily answered in unison.

Chapter 10: Old Secrets, Old Friends
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*the plot and OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.

“Sirius, tell me about yourself,” Shay demanded during Sirius’s usual visit.

“What do you want to know?” Sirius asked.

“Anything. I’m honestly sick of hearing about myself. Maybe I could remember something if I knew the people around me.”

“I don’t really know where to start,” Sirius said and leaned back in his chair.

“When were you born?”

“December 1, 1959.”

“What’s your middle name?”


“Your initials are S.O.B.?”

“Yes, thanks for noticing,” Sirius said with a smirk.

Shay laughed and continued.

“Where did you grow up?”

“In London at 12 Grimmauld Place until I was 16 and then I moved in with James and his parents for about a year and then you and I got an apartment together, then a house after we graduated.”

“Interesting. Why did you move in with the Potters? What’s your family like?” Shay asked.

“I moved in with the Potters because I ran away from home. My mother is clinically insane. My father, who is dead, was a bully to me, but a coward to the rest. My brother Regulus was a mix of both. He’s dead as well,” Sirius finished with a bit of a frown.

“From what I hear, your family sounds as bad as mine,” Shay said.

“Well, that is in fact how we met. Our parents have been friends since they went to Hogwarts and we were practically raised together.”

“So that’s why you and James are so close. You’re practically brothers.”

“James is more of a brother to me than Regulus ever was.”

There was a pause before Shay spoke again.

“Got any secrets you want to tell me? I’m sure that you know most of mine.”

“More than I would like to,” Sirius said then contemplated for a few seconds.

“There is something I’ve been meaning to tell you. You know the dog that comes to visit you every night?” Sirius asked.

“Yea, how did you know about him? Did Lily tell you?”

“Shay, that’s me. I’m the dog,” Sirius said.

“How is that possible?”

“Let me show you,” Sirius said and rose out of his chair.

He quickly closed the hangings and put up a silencing spell. He turned back to Shay and transformed into Padfoot before Shay could get a word in.

“I can’t believe it. You’re the dog. You’re an…” Shay tried to recall the right word.

“Animagi,” Sirius said after he transformed.

“I go by Padfoot when I’m the dog. There are five people that know about this. You are one of the five.”

“Why is this a secret?” Shay asked.

“I’m an illegal animagi. During our fifth year at Hogwarts, James, Peter and myself all became animagis. We are not registered, so therefore we are illegal,” Sirius said with a smile.

“Why did you guys do it?”

“To help Remus.”

Shay looked confused.

“Lily talked about this Remus person too. Who is he and why did he need this illegal help?”

“Remus has never come to visit you?” Sirius asked with a bit of satisfaction.

“Not that I recall.”

“He was here the day you woke up,” Sirius said.

“I don’t really remember much from that day. You never answered my other question. Why did he need you guys to do this?”

“He didn’t exactly need us to do it. It was so we could be closer to him.”

Shay gave Sirius a look to explain more.

“Remus is…Remus has what I like to call a ‘furry little problem’,” Sirius said and sat back down in his chair.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Remus is a werewolf,” Sirius said flatly and felt a pang of guilt.

“Wait, he’s a what?” Shay asked in disbelief.

“A werewolf. It’s a…” Sirius began.

Shay put up a hand for him to stop.

“Believe it or not, I do remember what a werewolf is. I still don’t get the connection between you becoming an illegal animagi and him being a werewolf.”

“We didn’t want him to be lonely during the full moon and animals can’t be turned into a werewolf if bitten. It made the transformations easier as well.”

“Wow, risking prison time for somebody. You must really care about him.”

“We’re not friends any more. We haven’t been for a while now,” Sirius said while avoiding eye contact with Shay.

“That must be terrible to lose somebody that you care so much about.”

“It was terrible when I thought I lost you. He betrayed me. It’s totally different.”

“Well, the next time you see him will you tell him that I would like to meet him? I’d love to meet a werewolf. It sounds interesting,” Shay said.

Sirius didn’t want to. He liked the fact that Remus hadn’t come to visit Shay. It gave him an advantage in getting her back.

“Sirius, can you do that for me?” Shay asked.

“Yes, of course.”

For he first time in a very long time Sirius was actually somewhat happy to see Remus at the Order headquarters.

Sirius approached him quickly and sat across from him.

“Shay doesn’t know who you are/”

Remus dropped his quill and gave Sirius his attention.

“Is that supposed to surprise me? You usually don’t remember people when you lose your memory.”

“She’s been back for over a month. You haven’t managed to visit her yet?” Sirius asked with a small smirk.

“Well Sirius, I thought you would have figured out by now that I hadn’t gone to visit her yet. You’re with her from sunrise to sunset.”

“I thought you were going to fight for her?” Sirius questioned.

“I would love to be able to fight for her, but I’m not going to lie to her. And believe it or not, I’m trying to be respectful to your feelings,” Remus said in a monotone.

“I appreciate that but I did tell her the truth about something,” Sirius said while focusing intently on his fingernails.

“What did you tell her about?”

“I told her about Padfoot and…” Sirius mumbled the second half of the sentence.

“What was that?” Remus asked and leaned towards Sirius.

“I told her about Padfoot and that you’re a werewolf,” Sirius said and embraced himself for Remus’s rightful freak out.

Remus ran his hand through his hair before speaking.

“Wow, after the whole experience with Snape back in school I would have thought you would have learned something about keeping secrets.”

“Remus I want to apologize. It wasn’t my place to say anything.”

“No, it’s obviously wasn’t and I don’t want to hear an apology. What game are you trying to play here?”

“I’m not playing a game.”

“Yes you are. You don’t want to tell Shay anything that she doesn’t need to know. But what you really want is for Shay to know nothing about what you did to her. This is all for your own benefit. I know we’re not friends anymore and you don’t care about anybody but yourself but it’s times like these that make me wonder why we were ever friends to begin with,” Remus said with frustration seeping out of his pores.

“I wonder that all the time as well,” Sirius spat back.

“I still don’t understand what I did to you Sirius.”

“You stole Shay from me. You slept with my fiancée,” Sirius said, his tone growing louder.

“I think you’re the one that bumped your head. You’re bloody mad. You cheated on her and shacked up with the French girl. Maybe I will go visit Shay. But you listen to me; I will not lie to her. I never have and I never will,” Remus said and stormed out of headquarters leaving Sirius nervous about what was to come.

Remus paced outside the Hogwarts infirmary, pondering what the right thing to do was. All he wanted was to talk to Shay. That was all he had wanted for months. However, he didn’t even know how to approach the situation. She already knew that he was a werewolf and was probably horrified by that fact.

“You are wither in or out Mr. Lupin. You look like a mad man, pacing about out here,” Professor McGonagall said as she walked past him.

Remus blushed and made up his mind.

“You must be the werewolf,” Shay said with a smirk as Remus approached her bed.

“How did you know?” Remus asked nervously.

“I told Sirius that I wanted to meet you. I’m glad you’re here Remus. Sit down,” Shay smiled and patted a spot on her bed.

“You look great, Shay. I haven’t seen you for a while, but you look excellent,” Remus said with an excited smile.

“Thank you. Most of the bruising and scrapes have gone away. I just need to keep eating and get my memory back and I’ll be back to normal.”

“That’s great Shay.”

“How come you haven’t come to visit me?” Shay asked.

“I was waiting for the right time,” Remus replied.

“Remus, I have a feeling that we were friends before. I’m guessing very good friends. Why wouldn’t you find it necessary to visit a friend?”

“Shay, I’m sure you’ve heard this before but you were dead. I lost somebody I loved not to long ago and she’ll never come back. Then I lost somebody else I loved, but you came back. It’s a lot to process.”

“You love me Remus?” Shay asked with a small smile.

“More than you know.”

Chapter 11: Dashed Dreams and Espionage
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the plot and OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.

Severus Snape could not remember the last time he was truly happy. Even as a small child, he was never elated or fulfilled. He didn’t even like to think about the past few years which were absolutely miserable. He had no friends, no real friends at least. He had no family; his mother was dead, his father was basically non-existent and Courtlyn, the family member closest to him, had disappeared off the face of the Earth. He had love but it was unreciprocated. Lily Evans had friends, family, and love and because of Severus, she had the possibility of losing it all. That’s not what he wanted. He was just doing his job when he told the Dark Lord about the prophecy. He wanted to save Lily and he thought he had. But he was deceived and that’s why he was at Hogwarts. He was now a double agent and the first good deed that he had done in a while was staying in the infirmary.

Shay Calhoun had always been a pain in his ass. Severus had to work extremely hard for what he got, while Shay just always seemed to float to the top. Her mother married into money and respect, while his mother married a despicable muggle. Shay was beautiful while Severus was not so easy on the eyes. Severus was a master of occlumency and legilimency but Shay could break into his mind with ease. Shay and Lily were best friends while Severus had ruined his chance. Even though he didn’t want to, he could admit that he was jealous of Shay. But he felt for her. She had lost a child because of something that he was a part of. Severus didn’t have any family and because of Lord Voldemort, neither did Shay.

As Severus walked by the infirmary he thought about stopping and seeing how she was doing. It had been over a month since she had left the Dark Lord's grasp. He wanted to make sure she was all right but he was positive that she would not want to see him. So he kept moving towards Albus Dumbledore’s office.

He had only been in the headmaster’s office once when he promised to keep Remus Lupin’s secret. Not that he wanted to but Albus Dumbledore could be a very convincing man. Severus never understood Dumbledore but he had the utmost respect for him. Albus Dumbledore never judged him like everyone else, and for unknown reasons, Dumbledore trusted Severus.

“There’s no need to knock,” Severus heard through the large intimidating door, with his fist a few centimeters away from knocking.

Severus pushed the door open and saw Dumbledore sitting at his desk, smiling at Severus from behind his half-moon glasses.

“I’m glad you made it with such short notice,” Dumbledore said and motioned for Severus to sit down.

“Severus, I want to start with how much I appreciate you doing this for us.”

“If it helps keep her safe then that is all that matters,” Severus said.

Albus smiled before continuing.

“Severus, I have a job opportunity for you.”

Severus’s face lit up a little.

“The Defense Against the Dark Arts job?”

“No Severus. We talked about that already. You are too close to dark magic. I cannot have a known Death Eater teaching it.”

Severus’s face dropped instantly.

“Horace Slughorn is retiring after this school year. I want you to take over his job.”


“Yes, you would be the Potions master and the Head of the Slytherin house. Severus this job is perfect for you. Horace recommended two people for this job, you and Lilt Potter and as you know, Lily is unable to fill the position right now.”

Severus liked the fact that he and Lily were considered for the same position. She would have been perfect for the job, but she was in the safest place she could be.

“Who’s getting the Defense job, if I may ask?”

“I was going to give the job to Shay Calhoun. But then she went missing and with her current state, she can’t take on the responsibility at the moment.”

Jealousy began to trickle up Severus’s throat again.

“So will you take the job?” Dumbledore asked.

Severus hesitated before answering.

“Will I ever have a chance at the Defense job?” Severus asked.

“Maybe one day. But everyone has to begin somewhere,” Albus said with a small smile.

“All right. I’ll take the job.”

“Very good. Now there is one more thing I would like to talk to you about.”

Severus nodded his head and waited for Dumbledore to continue.

“I want you to do me a favor and visit Shay. We’ve been working on trying to get her memory back and it’s not going as I would have hoped. Severus, you are one of the only people that know what happened to Shay. I’m hoping that if she sees you maybe she will remember something or maybe you can speak to her about what happened and jog her memory.”

“Haven’t you looked into her mind?” Severus asked.

“Yes, of course. However, she has blocked me out and cannot remember how to let me into her mind.”

“The Dark Lord could not get into her mind either. That’s the only reason why she’s alive is because of how absolutely stubborn she is,” Severus said with a small smirk.

“That must have been nearly unbearable for her. I knew she had a gift but I didn’t know that extent it went to. I also think that Shay would like to thank you if she knew what you did for her and maybe she would like to hear about what her sister risked to save her.”

“I swore to never say a word about it. If Shay remembers on her own then that is a different story but I can’t tell her about Courtlyn or myself. Albus, I trust you with my life but I do not trust any of these other people. I told you already that you have a spy in your midst and if that person finds out what I’m doing then I won’t be around for much longer,” Severus said with stone cold seriousness.

“Alastor and I are working on finding that person, however, everyone checks out. I wish you could give me more information.”

“The Dark Lord is not stupid. Nobody knows who this person is besides the Dark Lord and the spy. I gave you all the information I can.”

“And I appreciate it very much. Now will you do me this favor and take a walk with me down to the infirmary?”

Severus didn’t want to, it was against all his instincts, but he didn’t want to disappoint the man who was willing to help him so much.

“Alright, let’s take a walk.”

Severus became increasingly queasier as the two approached the infirmary. He was worried that Shay would recognize him. In Severus’s mind, that was the worst possible scenario. However, the person that walked out of the infirmary and right towards Severus and Dumbledore made the whole situation plummet further down.

“What the hell is he doing here?” Sirius Black demanded as he marched down the hall, ready to take Severus’s head off.

“He is with me Sirius,” Dumbledore said calmly.

“He’s not going in there, not with her,” Sirius spit out.

Severus actually saw fire ignite in his eyes. Sirius was already agitated and Severus Snape was not helping the situation.

“I’m taking him in there to help jog her memory. Severus has had a large role in Shay’s life. This could be very helpful to her.”

“How can you trust him? He’s probably one of the people that hurt her!” Sirius yelled.

“Sirius, I’m going to ask you to leave if you disturb my school anymore. I trust Severus and that should not be questioned. Severus will be taking the position of Potions Master next year so he is now welcome in this school at anytime. Nothing will happen to Shay under my watch and you know that. Now if you will excuse us, Severus is doing all of us a favor and I don’t want to hold him up too long,” Dumbledore said firmly and Sirius was left shocked.

As Severus was walking away he heard Sirius grumbling something about Death Eaters and werewolves. Severus got satisfaction by watching Sirius get put into his place.

“Thank you for holding your tongue Severus. Sirius Black has had a very long and challenging year but he is a good man. He would do anything for the people he loves,” Albus said with some sort of pride that Snape had never seen.

It made Severus feel a pang of jealousy.

They made their way into the infirmary and Severus’s attention was immediately directed to the blonde on the far side of the room. She looked so much better then she had when he left her last. She was actually recognizable. Severus froze up for a second before Dumbledore urged him on.

Shay didn’t even notice Severus presence until she saw Remus staring towards the duo. Severus wasn’t expecting Shay to have company but he should have known better. His cousin was known for always having a man by her side.

“Albus, what is this?” Remus asked before the two even approached the bed.

“I want to see if Severus will jog Shay’s memory.”

Remus didn’t question anymore. He never hated Severus the way Sirius Black and James Potter did.

“I’ve seen your face before,” Shay said and sat up a little more in her bed.

“Where have you seen him?” Dumbledore asked.

“What’s your name?” Shay asked.

Severus got nervous. He could see recognition in her eyes.

“Severus Snape. I’m your cousin.”

“Everybody told me that I didn’t have much of a family.”

“You could say that. We were never particularly close nor got along grandly.”

“I remember you though. Out of all these people I remember you,” Shay said with a teary smile.

“From where Shay?” Remus asked.

“That’s the man that saved me,” Shay said and tears began to freely role down her face.

Severus’s stomached plummeted and Remus’s jaw visibly dropped.

“You did what?” Remus asked Severus directly.

“Remus, do you remember the secret that Severus has held for you?” Albus asked.

“Yes, of course.”

“Well, I’m going to need for you to return the favor. Nobody can know this information. It’s a matter of security for Severus and Shay.”

“I promise I won’t tell a soul,” Remus said and Severus actually believed him.

“Is it all right if Severus and I speak to Shay alone for a few minutes?” Dumbledore asked.

“Yes. I’ll be outside waiting Shay,” Remus said and Shay gave him a small smile and a nod.

Shay asked the two men to sit down once when Remus had left.

“Shay nobody can know about this. Remus is already one too many. This includes Sirius and even Lily,” Dumbledore said.

“Why? He helped me, why can’t people know?” Shay asked with confusion.

“Severus, do you want to fill her in?” Dumbledore asked.

Severus didn’t want to but he knew he couldn’t get away without telling her a little.

“I’m a Death Eater. However, I’m also a member of the Order of the Phoenix. I saved you so I could save someone else.”

“You did you try to save?”

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is that nobody finds out about me or this all will have been pointless.”

“Alright. I won’t say another word about it. For being the person that saved me, you don’t seem to like me very much,” Shay said with a smirk.

“Like I said, I saved you so I could save someone else.”

Chapter 12: Pick a Side, Any Side
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*the plot and OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.

“I want to take you on a walk,” Sirius said and offered Shay her jacket, hat and scarf.

“Sirius, it’s freezing out,” Shay said in a friendly tone.

“You love the cold. We always used to play out in the snow,” Sirius said and his eyes were lighting up with excitement.

Shay didn’t have the heart to turn him away.

“Alright. You better find me a pair of boots.”

“I’m glad you made me come out here Sirius. It’s absolutely beautiful,” Shay glowed.

“I’m just happy to see you happy,” Sirius said and pulled Shay close as they walked down to the lake.

Hogwarts was almost empty due to Christmas break. Shay had spent Christmas with Sirius and Remus, which was tense. It wasn’t until then that Shay realized Remus and Sirius held such contempt for each other.

“I am happy. I’ve been really happy.”

“Shay I know you better than you know yourself. I can tell that you’re searching for something. And I’m guessing that something is your memory.”

“It’s been two months. Two months and I don’t know a thing about myself. It’s getting frustrating.”

“You know who you are,” Sirius said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Sirius you just said it yourself. You know me better than I know myself. Can I be honest with you?” Shay asked and stopped walking.

Sirius turned and stood in front of her and held her hands in his.

“Of course you can.”

“Sometimes I feel as if you’re lying to me,” Shay said and the light left Sirius’s eyes immediately.

“Why would you feel that way?” Sirius asked and he could feel his heart rate quicken.

“I just notice that sometimes when I ask you questions you get nervous and you don’t make eye contact with me. Just like right now,” Shay said and forced Sirius to look at her.


“No need to apologize. I just want to know that you’re telling me the truth,” Shay said with a soft smile.

“You’re absolutely gorgeous,” Sirius said in a breathless tone.

Shay blushed a little.

“Those aren’t the words I was looking for but thanks for the compliment. You’re not so bad yourself,” Shay said.

“Shay, I’ve been wanting to do something since you got back,” Sirius said in a little more than a mumble.

“What do you want to do?”

Sirius answered her with a small kiss on the lips.

“I’ve been waiting to do that,” Sirius said with a big grin and went back in for another kiss.

However, Shay blocked his second attempt.

“Sirius, this isn’t a good idea.”

“Why not? This is natural for us.”

Shay let out a small laugh.

“It’s too soon. Sirius, you’ve known me your whole life but in reality I’ve only known you for two months.”

“Do you have any feelings for me?”

“Sirius, I can’t deny that I do. My chest feels heavy when I see you and I get lightheaded. I know what that means. But I get that feeling around someone else too,” Shay said and felt an instantly pang of guilt when she saw Sirius’s face.

He took a step back from her and dropped his gaze down to the snow-covered ground.

“Sirius, I’m sorry. But can you imagine how confused I feel right now? I don’t want to play these games and I don’t want to hurt either one of you, so that’s why it’s too soon,” Shay said and went to grab Sirius’s hands.

He slipped out her grasp and took another step back.

“I have to go. I have to do stuff for the Order,” Sirius said quietly and shuffled back up to the castle and left Shay at the lake by herself.

“Sirius, come back! I said I was sorry!” Shay yelled and for the first time since she got back, she cried.

Sirius raced back to get to headquarters. This day had not gone like he planned. He was expecting to be back with Shay by the end of the day and have his old life back. Sirius missed the way things used to be. When he was still in school, everything went Sirius Black’s way. Everybody use to look to him to find what to do, how to act, sometimes even what to say. Now, he was practically a nobody. No job, no family, nearly no friends.

It made him angry. Sirius always had a temper and little self-control. Everybody knew it, even Sirius did. He knew that he was to blame for most of his problems, but he couldn’t help lashing out at other people.

“Hey Sirius.”

Sirius was taken out of his daze when he was greeted by a familiar voice.

“Where’s Shay? Is she in the infirmary still?”

It was too much for Sirius. He couldn’t handle the thought that Shay would pick Remus over himself again. In his mind, one of his oldest friends was trying to steal his girlfriend. All he saw was red.

Sirius rampaged towards Remus and started swinging. Remus was caught off guard at first. He had tried to be polite and this is what he got.

“Stay away from her!” Sirius yelled and connected with Remus’s jaw.


There was another yell from down the corridor.

“Sirius, stop!” Shay yelled and ran over to the fighting boys.

Remus finally overpowered Sirius’s animalistic rage and had him pinned on the floor.

“What is your problem?” Remus asked with blood dripping from his lip onto Sirius’s shirt.

“Let me up,” Sirius said in a growl.

“Not a chance. You’re absolutely loony. I didn’t do anything to you.”

“Let me up,” Sirius repeated.

“Remus, let him up,” Shay said with quiet anger.

Remus looked up at her for a few seconds before agreeing and let Sirius get up.

“Listen, Shay, I’m sor…” Sirius didn’t get to finish.

“You’re a child.”


“Is this how you’ve always been? Because if that’s true, I have no future with you whatsoever. I don’t like this side of you Sirius,” Shay said and walked over to tend to Remus.

“Let me see your lip,” Shay said and grazed Remus’s lip with her thumb.

“It doesn’t look deep. Hold on,” Shay said and held her hand a few centimeters from Remus’s lip.

When she removed her hand, Remus’s lip was completely healed.

“You should head home and I’ll meet up with you in a few minutes,” Shay said with a small smile.

Remus nodded his head and went back to the fireplace.

“I think we should find somewhere to talk so you don’t make more of a scene,” Shay said and nodded her head to the group of kids gathering at the end of the corridor.

“I know where we can talk.”

Shay watched Sirius pace in front of a wall and thought he was absolutely nuts. She was shocked when a door suddenly appeared in the wall.

“It’s called the Room of Requirement. Only a few people know about it. We used to come here all the time when we were in school,” Sirius said and opened the door for Shay.

Shay walked past him and into the room and took in her surroundings. The room was dimly lit and it had a romantic feeling to it. Shay found it to be very annoying due to the circumstance.

“This isn’t the most appropriate setting,” Shay said and folded her arms over her chest.

“You used to love it,” Sirius said and shut the door behind him.

“Well, that was in the past. I’m obviously a different person now.”

“No you’re not. Yea, you’re a bit older and a little wiser to the world but you’re still the same person Shay. You just don’t remember it.”

“I can’t do this anymore Sirius,” Shay said quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“You scare me sometimes. I can’t be with someone who scares me.”

“So you’re going to date a werewolf instead?” Sirius asked in an angry tone.

“You should be ashamed of yourself. Remus never says a bad word about you. All he talks about is how close you guys used to be. How you, James and Peter became illegal animagis and made him feel like a normal kid for once. You helped change his life and he is forever grateful for that. But if I was him, I would have beaten the living daylights out of you. Sirius, I know you’re a good person, you just have a terrible way of letting it show.”

“He stole you from me,” Sirius said.

“Remus Lupin has never stolen anything in his life. I don’t remember what happened but I’m sure that I used my own brain and made my own decision,” Shay said and stepped closer to Sirius.

“Why don’t you want to be with me?” Sirius asked, his voice strained against the words.

“It’s not that, Sirius. I don’t know who I want to be with. I truly and honestly do not know. I have two people that say they love me and want to be with me. But I don’t remember who I loved more. I don’t remember anything from before and nobody is helping me piece it all back together. Do you know what it’s like to have everyone around you know everything about you, but you’re totally in the dark?” Shay spoke with frustration in her voice and eyes.

“You want to know our history? We’ve known each other since birth, we’ve been best friends since we could comprehend friendship. We started dating in our 7th year at Hogwarts after denying it for a long time. We moved in together after school. I proposed to you about a year and a half later. You said yes. That same night Niki was murdered and things got shaky. I became distant and disgruntled. You tried to help but things just fell apart quickly. I made a lot of mistakes but the day before you were captured, we had a talk and things were on the mend. Then I lost you. You were gone for seven months and there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about you. Then you came back to me,” Sirius said, leaving out a few vital details in their long history.

Shay just felt more confused then ever. She had heard this before, from Sirius, Lily and James. But something always felt off with what they said. She felt as if something was missing, that there were big holes in the story. Shay asked Remus once if she was getting the whole truth. He said, “Some things are a little to difficult to talk about” and left it at that.

“Why did we break up Sirius? Things don’t just fall apart for no good reason. And I don’t get why you were so upset by Niki’s death. Did you love her too?”

“Niki was a great person. A great friend to both of us. You, Niki, and Lily were inseparable. I loved Niki very much, but as a friend, even a sister. But I was never in love with her. That was Remus’s department,” Sirius said with a stiff smile.

The conversation was going in a direction that he was uncomfortable with.

“Sirius, I just don’t get it and I can’t figure out why. But until I can figure this out, we can’t be together. I’m not going to be with you or Remus. At least not yet.”

“I love you the most, Shay. You need to know that,” Sirius said almost frantically.

He couldn’t lose Shay again.

“I don’t doubt your love for me. I can feel it. But I do doubt my own feelings. What if I choose you and then I get my memory back and it turns out that I’m supposed to be with Remus? Do I leave you in the dust and heart broken? Is that what you want?” Shay asked softly.

“No,” Sirius whispered.

“Then give me time. If you love me like you say you do, then you’ll be patient and give me time.”

Shay apparated into Remus’s living room and found him in his favorite chair, staring into the fire. He broke away from the fire and smiled at Shay when she appeared.

“That was quicker than I thought it would be.”

“I didn’t have much to say to him,” Shay said with annoyance.

“What happened?”

“Remus I want answers and he won’t give them to me. He talks around everything. And then I ask you and you say that you don’t want to talk about it. I’m going to ask you again tonight. Tell me now whether I’m wasting my time or not,” Shay said, getting straight to the point.

“What do you want to know?” Remus asked, his smile now gone.

“When did we get together?”

“We got together a few weeks before you disappeared.”

“How long had Sirius and I been apart before we got together?”

“You two had not been apart that long when we got together. But at the time, there was no way that you and Sirius were getting back together,” Remus said.

“Did it really end that bad for me and him? Sirius told me that we were getting along before I went missing,” Shay said with confusion.

“Shay, I’m not sure what to tell you.”

“Please Remus. Nobody is telling me anything. If Sirius isn’t being honest with me then I need to know. I don’t think I can take being lied to.”

“From what I heard, the night before you were captured Sirius had come to talk to you. I don’t know what you two discussed but all I know is that the conversation ended with you slapping him and kicking him out of Lily and James’s house. I’m not trying to make Sirius look like the bad guy but he really destroyed you. There are so many things that I can’t tell you because I wasn’t there,” Remus said with frustration.

He felt the need to tell Shay everything, but some things were not meant to be said by him.

“Remus, I don’t even know why Sirius and I broke up. He said that he was in a bad place after Niki died, which I don’t understand either. I know that you and Niki were together, I know that she was my best friend and she was a good friend to Sirius, but it doesn’t make sense in my mind that he would be that upset over it. I have three conclusions. One is that Sirius was in love with Niki, which he denies. The second is that my relationship with Sirius must not have been that strong because it fell apart so easily. The third is that he is lying to me and something else happened. If you can’t help me with this then at least tell me about Niki, because if she was my best friend then I don’t want to think of her in that light. Can you at least help me with that?” Shay asked.

Remus gave Shay a hesitant look. It was hard for him to talk about.

“Please Remus. I don’t think I’m asking too much,” Shay said and took his hands in hers.

“Ok. Why don’t we sit down on the couch?” Remus asked.

Shay nodded her head and let Remus lead her to the loveseat.

“Niki and I started dating at the beginning of our sixth year at Hogwarts. She was my first girlfriend and eventually became my first true love. I thought that Niki was the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with, but that was taken away from me on February 2, 1980. That’s the night she was murdered by death eaters and my life was in shambles after that. Niki and Sirius were friends, but Niki and I were in love and at the time you and Sirius were in love. And that was how it was, no questions asked. But after Niki died, things got complicated. I wasn’t looking to be with anyone; at the time, I couldn’t imagine being with anyone besides Niki. But we were spending everyday together at headquarters and we got to be really close. And then you stayed with me after you and Sirius broke up and that’s when I realized that I was getting feelings for you. I tried to deny it for a while, but then one night all those feelings came to a head and lucky for me you felt the same way. I think we could have had something great but luck has just never seemed to be on our side.”

Remus took a long drink of water before starting on the hard part of the story.

“We had sex that night. It probably happened too fast, but it was great. I know that you felt guilty the morning after because of Niki, you felt like you were betraying her. But we talked about it a little and you seemed to calm down after that. We ended up having a mission that day. It was unplanned and messy. Something terrible happened that day. Shay, Dumbledore talked to you about your powers, right?” Remus asked.

Shay nodded her head slowly. She still had trouble with the concept of her powers when all the magic seemed so new to her.

“You’re powers came to the forefront that day. You deflected the Avada Kedavra curse, the killing curse. You did something that was never done before. But when you deflected the curse it hit Peter’s girlfriend, Alana, and killed her. After that you just completely lost it. For about a week you sat there, in that chair,” Remus pointed to his favorite reading chair, “and drank about a bottle of booze a day. You started with clearing out my liquor cabinet, which didn’t have much to begin with, and then you started traveling into the muggle town and started buying muggle alcohol, which you conveniently discovered was stronger than fire whiskey. Then two days before you were captured, I came home and had enough. I had tried talking to you and you told me that our relationship couldn’t work out. But at the time I wasn’t going to let that happen. You got angry with me when I poured out your bottle of alcohol and I got mad at you for giving up when it seemed we needed you the most. Then I told you to either sober up or get out cause I didn’t want to watch you self-destruct anymore.”

Remus looked into Shay’s eyes and saw the shame. He didn’t want to continue but he knew he had to.

“After you left that night, I went back to headquarters to cool off a little. You ended up there, still drunk and angry. First you attacked Sirius and got him pissed at you. Then when I tried to take you back here, you told me something that completely devastated me. Before Niki was murdered she told you that she was four months pregnant and Niki never told me. You kept that from me for three months and then used it to hurt me. I don’t know why you did it and I may never find out. After you told me, I told you to have someone get you stuff out of my house because you were not welcome there anymore. I don’t think I’ve ever been that angry with anyone. And I wasn’t only angry with you though. I was angry with Sirius for breaking you. I was angry with Peter for making you feel like Alana’s death was your fault. And I was angry with Niki for feeling like she had to keep that from me. I was thinking about leaving all together. Then when we lost you, I didn’t expect it to hurt so much. It wasn’t until after I thought I lost you that I realized just how much I love you. The reason I was so distant when you came back was because I was afraid of losing you again and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go through that again.”

When Remus looked at Shay again, he saw that her eyes were closed and she had a pained look on her face. He put his hand on hers and gently rubbed her hand with his thumb.

“Are you alright? Was that too much at once?” Remus asked gently.

“No. You can’t understand how grateful I am that somebody finally told me the truth about myself. I didn’t know I was such a terrible person,” Shay said with a grimace.

“No, you were never a terrible person. Yes, you are responsible for your own actions but there were events that got you to that point.”

“Let me guess. Sirius helped get me to that point,” Shay said and Remus could hear the grimace in her voice.

“Yes. His treatment of you and some other events.”

Shay shot up from the couch and stood in front of Remus, her arms folded across her chest and the agitation was clear on her face.

“Damn it, Remus. Do you want me?” Shay shouted, totally losing her temper.

“You know that I do,” Remus said, shocked by Shay’s sudden outburst.

“Then why aren’t you fighting for me? If you really wanted me then you would have told me what Sirius did to me. If it was that bad then you should tell me,” Shay continued to yell as she felt tears well up in her eyes.

“Shay, you know I can’t. That’s not my story to tell,” Remus said.

“If one more person tells me that I’m going to scream. I don’t care if it’s not your story! It’s my story and I want to know!” Shay yelled.

She had tears streaming down her face and her whole body was trembling.

Remus stood and embraced her tightly, resting his chin on top of her head.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to upset you like this,” he said soothingly and rubbed her back.

“I’m sick of not knowing Remus. I don’t care how bad it is, I just want to know who I am and what made me,” Shay whispered unevenly through her sobs.

Remus kept his arms securely around her, as if he was expecting her to disappear at any moment. The only sound was Shay’s crying, while Remus contemplated what to do.

“Shay, I’m not going to tell you what Sirius did so I can win you over,” Remus finally spoke.

Shay pulled her face away from his chest and sent a burning glare in his direction.

Remus spoke again before she had another outburst.

“I’m going to tell you because I think you deserve to know. Since the day we found out that you lost your memory, everyone told Sirius that he should be honest with you. I really do wish that Sirius would tell you this, but I think we’ve all given him enough time.”

Shay gave Remus a grateful look and saw the stress implanted deeply into his face. She waited for him to speak while he struggled with the decision he just made.

“Shay, the reason you and Sirius broke up was that he cheated on you,” Remus spoke the last four words in barely a whisper.

Shay felt like she got hit in the face with a two by four. Remus watched the hurt creep into her eyes as she realized what he said.

“Who was it?” Shay asked softly.

“Her name is Amélie Rousseau. She is from France and she had come to help the Order because she is seeress. She was brought in to work with you because of your occlumency skills. Sirius was at headquarters when she arrived and he was supposed to bring Amélie back to the house to introduce her to you. You weren’t home that day because you and Sirius had gotten into a big fight that morning. When you did go home you found Sirius and Amélie in bed together. And that’s the night you came to stay with me.”

“How long were they together for?” Shay asked and felt her temper slowly rise.

“About two months. They broke up the day before you disappeared. That’s what Sirius meant about you two had been getting along before you left. Sirius doesn’t do well when he’s alone. As soon as he realized Amélie wasn’t going to be with him, he went crawling back to you. Amélie went back to France about a week after you disappeared. You and Sirius do have a long history. It’s rocky though, it always has been. One of you usually ends up getting hurt. It was your turn the last time,” Remus finished.

Shay was so angry that her tears felt like they were on fire.

“Hey, this is why I didn’t want to tell you. I’ve seen you cry so many times now. I feel that we have more sad times then happy,” Remus said softly and wiped Shay’s tears gently off her face with his thumbs.

“And why is that Remus? It sounds like I wasn’t happy with either one of you. Maybe I would be better off finding someone completely new and forget my old life all together,” Shay suggested.

“Shay, even if we weren’t together, I would never let you stop being my friend. I’ll always be there for you, even if you do end up with that prick,” Remus joked at the end.

Shay hit him playfully.

“Don’t do that in front of me. I hate the thought that you two used to be such good friends. It makes me sad that I came in between that,” Shay said with remorse.

“Hey,” Remus said and put his hands on both sides of her face, “you didn’t cause anything. I extended the olive branch to Sirius a couple times. But when he started accusing me of being a traitor, I don’t see how our friendship can be repaired.”

“I know you’re not a traitor, Remus. I can see loyalty in those amber eyes of yours. You would never cheat on me, would you?” Shay tested.

Remus smiled before answering.

“You’re kidding me, right? I’m twenty years old and I’ve been with two people in my life. You’re number two on that short list,” Remus said with a small laugh.

“I can tell you’re a good person Remus Lupin. I have a feeling that I don’t deserve you,” Shay said sincerely.

“You deserve better than what anyone can give you Shay. You’re a good person and a great friend. Nobody can deny that,” Remus said with a smile, which Shay returned.

“What are you going to do about Sirius?” Remus asked.

“To be honest, I’d rather not think about it right now. I’m here with you and that’s all that matters,” Shay said and wiped the rest of the tears off her face.

“You look beautiful.”

“I look like a wreck but thanks anyways.”

“Listen to me,” Remus said and lifted Shay’s chin so she would look at him, “I’m absolutely serious. You look as beautiful as the first day I met you.”

“Is that a compliment? We met when we were eleven. I was probably very awkward.”

“Shay, I don’t think you have the ability to be awkward. You are a very smooth individual. That’s the Slytherin blood in you,” Remus said with a smirk.

Shay smiled and shook her head.

“Now that was definitely an insult. Take it back,” Shay said playfully.

“No way. It’s part of what makes you, you.”

There was an easy silence between the two of them. When Shay looked into Remus’s eyes, she forgot all about Sirius and the fact that she had no memory. She forgot all her worries in that moment.

Remus leaned forward a little.

“Is it alright?” he asked before proceeding.

Shay answered him by placing her lips on his. It felt good, it felt right, and it made Shay feel guilty.

However, after what Shay had learned, she easily pushed the guilt to the back of her mind and enjoyed the company that was in front of her.

Chapter 13: The Truth Is...
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*the plot and OC's belong to me, the rest belongs to J.K.


“Where are you going?” Remus asked Shay as she was sneaking down the hall.

Shay whipped around quickly, and even in the low light, Remus could tell she was blushing.

“This looks bad, doesn’t it?” Shay asked with a nervous grin.

Remus casually leaned against the doorframe of his room.

“I’m not sure yet. It depends on where you’re running off to.”

“I wasn’t running anywhere. I just need to get back to Hogwarts,” Shay said and looked everywhere but Remus.

“Albus can find you if he needs to. Did we move too fast?”

Shay didn’t answer right away. Yes, they did move too fast. Shay knew that she had had sex with Remus before but the bottom line was Sirius was still involved.

“I need to tell him the truth.”

“What is the truth?” Remus asked.

“We had sex.”

“Is that it?”

Shay hesitated to answer and started to put her coat on.

“So it was just sex?” Remus asked and handed Shay her hat and gloves.

“No but I don’t know what else it is right now. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I want to be honest.”

“I appreciate that. Go talk to him, but that means that we get to talk later.”

Shay gave him an appreciative look and agreed to the meeting before apparating to Sirius’s house.




Shay arrived at a quaint cottage that she had no recollection of. It looked sad and empty and she wondered how this could be Sirius’s home. She knocked a few times before letting herself in. She didn’t think that Sirius would mind.

The house was not well taken care of. There were holes in the walls, furniture split and broken in half, cobwebs lined the corners rooms and there was an overall smell of disgust in the house. Shay was in disbelief. How could she have once lived here? How was this once her home.

She half expected herself to remember what was once inside these walls. This was once her life, a life she shared with a man she once, a probably still, loved. And the proof was there. On the mantle of the fireplace was a display of pictures of Shay and Sirius, the epitome of a perfect couple. It looked as if they couldn’t live without each other, and from the looks of the house, Sirius couldn’t.

Shay walked down the hall and entered the first door she found. It was a bedroom, the one she used to sleep in. The one some other woman slept in as well. This notion infuriated Shay. Why did she feel the need to tell Sirius about Remus, when Sirius lied to her about something that big.

She continued to look around the room. Her eyes caught something that sparkled at her from the top of the dresser. It was an engagement ring. Her engagement ring, to be exact. She walked over and examined it closely. She was afraid to touch, as if it would disturb the whole household. It was a beautiful ring, something that herself and Sirius must have been proud of. Shay wondered if Sirius had wanted to give her the ring back. But Shay had to wonder if she was the rightful owner of the ring.


Shay decided to move on. She didn’t want to become distracted by the ring. She continued down the hall to the only door that was closed in the house. The door gave off a bad vibe and Shay disputed with herself about entering it or even touching the door knob. But something told her that she needed to see what was behind that door. That it would help her somehow.

As soon as she opened the door, she was hit with a wave of emotion. She recognized the crib. She remembered the toys. And she finally remembered the person who used to live in this room. She in fact, remembered everything seemingly all at once. She only came her to confront Sirius but instead was reminded of her entire life, the happiness but also the overwhelming pain.




Shay apparated to the only place she could think of, her son’s grave. She needed to make sure this all wasn’t a horrifying nightmare. This was her life. This was what she was waiting for. And she now understood why nobody wanted to be honest with her. She remembered how her life was in shambles before she was captured. She remembered the entire trauma she went through while being held by Voldemort. She remembered what she did to Remus, and what Sirius had done to her. She remembered losing one of her best friends, her brother and her son. She remembered this all at once. It was almost more than she could handle. But this is what she wanted. This was her life. This is what made her who she was.

“Can I sit here?” a familiar voice asked from behind her.

Shay didn’t answer but Sirius took that as a yes.

“So you remember, huh?” he asked quietly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to protect you. What happened was terrible and I didn’t want you to have to feel that pain again. To be honest, I didn’t want to feel that pain again. But I guess it was unavoidable.”

“Everything came back to me when I opened that door. That hurt more than anything I went through with you-know-who,” Shay said and discreetly wiped a tear from her face.

“I’m so sorry Shay,” Sirius tried to console her by putting his arm around her.

She wiggled free.

“Why didn’t you tell me about her?”

“About who?” Sirius played dumb.

“Now’s not the time to lie to me, Sirius. You’ve done enough of that for the past few months.”

Shay meant for that to sting and Sirius knew he deserved it.

“I wanted to win you back. I was so stupid and drunk when I made that mistake. When you finally came back and you didn’t remembered all the stupid and hurtful things I did, I saw a perfect opportunity to make the happy ending we were supposed to have. It was wrong of me.”

“I slept with Remus last night,” Shay said bluntly and felt Sirius tighten up beside her.

“Does that make you angry?” Shay asked and finally looked at him.

Now it was his turn to contemplate.

“Why?” was all he asked.

“Because he was honest with me. That’s what true love should be. Honest.”

“Does that mean that you’re choosing him?” Sirius asked cautiously.

“No. I love him. I really do. But when I dreamt of home when I was captured, I dreamt that Remus was with Niki, not me.”

“Who did you dream yourself to be with?”



Chapter 14: Moving On
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*the plot and OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.


Awkward. That is the only word that could describe the situation Shay got herself into. She hadn’t planned on remembering her whole life that morning. Neither had Sirius or Remus. Unfortunately for Remus, who sat across from Shay with an expressionless face, her remembrance affected him negatively.

“I’m so sorry Remus. You deserve to know the truth and that’s why I wanted to tell you right away,” Shay said and soothingly caressed his hands with her fingers.

She was surprised he didn’t pull away.

“Shay, I’m not surprised. I think subconsciously I knew all along. Nothing is going to keep you two apart. It doesn’t mean I understand it though,” Remus said calmly though his eyes didn’t show it.

“I don’t understand it either. I almost wish it could be different, but he’s the one. We all have one.”

 “Not all of us,” Remus replied bitterly.

 “Maybe you haven’t found her yet. Everything happens for a reason. Even the worst possible events can have a silver lining,” Shay said with a meek smile.

 Remus scoffed and let his eyes wander out the window.

 “Do you remember telling me that we will always be friends, even if I choose Sirius?”

 Remus nodded his head slightly.

 “Are you going to keep your word?”

 Remus took a second to mull over the question.

 “What was it like when you were captured?” Remus asked instead of answering.

Shay was a bit put off by his question. She really wasn’t prepared to share the story yet. If it were anyone but Remus who asked her, she probably wouldn’t have answered.

“It would have been a lot harder if I felt that I had something to live for when I was captured. All the torture, all the starvation and dehydration, I felt as if I deserved it. Before I was captured I was turning into a bad, selfish person and I felt as if no one really cared about or loved me. There were so many times that I wished you-know-who would just get it over with but I was very valuable to him. You know how stubborn I am and I knew I was getting out of there. Severus and Courtlyn saved me. But they could only protect me so much. I saw into his mind before I left. It was pure evil, Remus. I don’t remember the details of what I saw but it will affect me for the rest of my life. But the hardest part was when I slept. I would dream about home and the way things should be. That’s what nearly killed me,” Shay said shakily and realized she was crying.

She wiped her eyes and stood up to leave. She was embarrassed for some reason. She didn’t want to use what happened to her to keep Remus from being mad at her. She deserved his anger.

Shay quietly walked to the door and was going to say goodbye to Remus when he finally spoke up.

“It’s going to be tough Shay. You have to understand that. My relationship with Sirius is very damaged and that is not going to help our friendship at all. But I’m going to try like hell. Anyone who can go through something like that and come out of it a better person deserves the world. I’m so proud of you and so happy I can call you my friend. You know I love you and I know you love me in some way. Give me time, but I promise you that I will be your friend as long as I have a say in it.”

Shay ran over to her old friend and hugged him like she should have when she first came back. She hugged him because she remembered who Remus Lupin was and what he meant to her.



“Have you heard?”

Shay entered Albus Dumbledore’s office without notice. Of course he didn’t show any surprise.

“This is a great day Shay. You are completely back and the Order couldn’t be happier. How do you feel about all of this?”

Shay sat in a chair in front of his desk before continuing.

“It’s been rough. I’m happy to be me again but being me kind of sucks,” Shay said with a grimace.

“Struggles make us who we are. You’re one of the best people I know Shay. We are lucky to have you. Doing the right thing is not always easy, but that’s what make you, you.”

“Thank you Albus. Speaking of doing the right thing, I want to be an auror,” Shay bluntly stated her point of being there.

“I don’t think that’s the best way you can help the Order, Shay.”

“Why not? I’ve wanted this for so long. After losing Cillian and after being captured I can’t think of a better time of doing this. You have to understand; I want this more than anything. I won’t rest until I become an auror.”

“This isn’t going to be easy Shay. Sirius couldn’t get into the auror program because of his family background. You may have the same problem. There’s also the fact that there are many people that won’t want you to become an auror. However, I do have a proposition for you.”

“I’m listening,” Shay said.

“Come teach at Hogwarts.” 

Shay laughed at the notion but realized quickly that Dumbledore was serious.

“I could never be a teacher, Albus. It’s not for me.”

“How would you know? You’ve never tried. Shay, I want you to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I can’t think of a more qualified person. Since the job opened, you have been on the top of my list. It would be a dishonor if you said now,” Dumbledore said with a small smirk.

“I want to be an auror.”

“What if you teach until the war is over? Then you can go on to be an auror.”

“I can be the most help if I’m an auror. Albus, isn’t this what you trained me for?” Shay asked in frustration.

“No. I trained you to help save our world. We both know the Ministry is dirty right now. Shay, you have the ability to teach what you know to the future of our world. I can’t think of a more important job.”

Shay sat in silence and mulled over the decision for a few minutes.

“I guess I can do it until the war is over. I never thought I would be a professor at Hogwarts. People are going to think you’re senile,” Shay said with a smile.

“Shay, people have been thinking that for years.”



Shay apparated into Sirius’s living room and saw a completely different room than she had seen previously. It actually looked livable.

“I’m glad you’re here. I wanted to ask you about some things,” Sirius said with a grand smile as he entered the room.

“I love what you’ve done with the place. I haven’t seen it this nice since last February,” Shay said and started to walk the room.

“It’s a new beginning for us Shay. We get to start all over, right?” Sirius asked and slowly approached her, as if he was afraid she would disappear if he moved to quickly.

“I took a job today,” Shay said suddenly.

“Oh, really? What is it?”

“I’m going to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Dumbledore ask me today.”

“Oh,” was all Sirius countered with.

“You’re not happy for me?”

“No, it’s not that. This is a great opportunity for you and there’s no safer place than Hogwarts, but I thought you were moving back here,” Sirius said and seemed a little hurt.

“That’s moving really fast, Sirius. We still have a lot of things we need to work on.”

“Like the fact that you slept with Remus last night?” Sirius attacked quickly.

“Or the fact that you cheated on me and have been lying to me about it since I got back. But let’s not start pointing fingers,” Shay quipped quickly.

“I’m sorry.”

“Quit apologizing. It’s not going to change what happened. I love you and I want this relationship to work. We have to start moving on from what has happened in the past year,” Shay said and sat on the couch.

“How are we going to start that?” Sirius asked and sat next to her.

“We need to start with Cillian. We never actually talked to each other about what happened. To get any where, we need to be able to do that.”

“I don’t want to do that,” Sirius said quietly.

“You never wanted to talk about it. How many times did I plead and beg for you to open up to me about it and I would just get shot down? This terrible thing happened to our child; a piece of you and a piece of me was ripped from us that night. We’re never going to get over that, but we need to be able to cope with each other if we plan on being together at all.”


“I never thought anything would ever happen to him. As parents, we inherently worry about our children, but never think anything is actually going to happen. In a perfect world, every child will grow up, unharmed, have good health, get good grades, have great friends and live a happy life. We both know this world isn’t perfect, but our child was murdered. How can anyone justify that?” Sirius asked.

Shay noticed he was physically shaken.

“Nobody can justify it, Sirius. He was taken from us because of what we believe in and what we represent. We both would have given our life to protect him. He was innocent but he was still punished. There is nothing less justifiable. I didn’t know what true pain and loss were until Cillian died. Unfortunately, we both know that feeling now. And that’s why we need to lean on each other to heal what we can.”

“I really am sorry for how I acted after Cillian died. I should have been there for you no matter how hurt I was. I’m sorry about Amélie. I didn’t want to deal with what was in front of me, so I ran away. I don’t know how I’ll ever make it up to you and I’ll understand if you can never forgive me for what I did. But the fact that you’re giving me a second chance makes me want to do whatever I can to make you happy.”

Shay scooted closer to Sirius and rested her head against his shoulder and intertwined her fingers with his.

“The only thing we can do is try. If we don’t, we’re always going to wonder ‘What if?’ and with this war now’s not the time to sit around and wonder. Now’s the time to act.”

Chapter 15: Can't Get Enough
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*the plot and OC's belong to me, the rest belongs to JK.


“Where do you see yourself in five years?” Shay asked Sirius while they lay in bed early in the morning.

 Sirius contemplated the question for a few seconds while playing with Shay’s hair.

“God willing, the war is over, I hope to have a career. Maybe after all this is over and I prove that I’m nothing like my family, I can try to become an auror again. It’s the only thing I can see myself doing. I can see us being together. Maybe we’ll be married by that time and maybe we’ll be ready to have another kid. But the way our world is right now, I don’t count on tomorrow being the same boring day as before.”

 “Married with children, huh?” Shay asked with a bitter smirk.

 “That’s not in your forecast?”

 “I honestly don’t know. Now that I’m going back to Hogwarts in a few months it really changes things. What if I really like it, Sirius? That means I won’t be an auror, which is what I always wanted. Would it be wise to start a family if I’m away at Hogwarts all the time? And we have to make sure that we’re ready to start a family Sirius. I’m so happy that we had Cillian but we both know that we weren’t ready. Neither of us had good parents so we need to make sure that we’re the best we can be. But the way things are going, I can definitely see myself with you in the years to come,” Shay said with a soft smile.

 “I wish I still had the Marauder’s Map,” Sirius said suddenly.

 “Why?” Shay asked and gave him a questioning glance.

 “It would make it easier to sneak into Hogwarts to come visit you. I’m actually pretty excited about being able to sneak around that place again. Every boy’s fantasy is to sleep with a hot professor, so my dream can finally come true,” Sirius said with a big grin.

 Shay blushed a little but laughed it off.

 “I almost forgot that all you ever think about is sex. The last thing I need is for McGonagall or Severus to catch us in the act.”


 “Didn’t I tell you? Severus is the new Potions professor. He’s taking over for Slughorn as the head of Slytherin.”

 Sirius seemed to take offense to this.

 “I just don’t understand Dumbledore’s choices some times,” Sirius said and shook his head.

 “I don’t understand why you can be such a hateful person sometimes. You’re absolutely brilliant to me and other people you care about. But when I bring up Severus or Remus you go off the deep end. It makes me think back to when you used to treat me like that,” Shay said and sat up in bed.

 “Snape is a death eater and Remus betrayed me. I’ve dealt with death eaters and betrayal my whole life Shay. I’m sorry but I’m not going to have it now if I don’t need to. I’ve apologized for what I did to you and I know that’s not enough but I don’t know what else to do about it. If I could take it back, I would in a second.”

 “I know you would Sirius. And I know you don’t want to hear this but I have plans with Remus today,” Shay said and prepared herself for the hurricane coming.

 “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Sirius said and ran his hands through his hair.

 “He’s one of my best friends. The fact that he still wants to be friends with me after everything that happened amazes me. I’m never going to stop being friends with him.”

 “Shay, he’s the spy.”

 “Sirius, it would be more likely for you or me to be the spy. You can tell me that Remus John Lupin is the spy in the Order of the Phoenix everyday for the rest of our existence and I will never believe you,” Shay explained while getting ready for her day.

 “Until he pulls the trigger and somebody else dies.”

 “I can’t listen to this nonsense now,” Shay said and grabbed a bath towel and her robe.

 “It’s not nonsense, it’s logic. Pretty much every werewolf is on You-Know-Who’s side. What sets Remus apart?” Sirius questioned, resting on his elbows in bed.

 “He’s one of us. There is no further explanation,” Shay answered from the doorway.

 “That’s not good enough for me Shay. That doesn’t keep you safe. It doesn’t keep James and Lily safe.”

 “No, Sirius. You keep James and Lily safe. So why don’t you focus on that instead of ripping Remus to shreds. It doesn’t even make me angry anymore. It makes me sad that he still considers you one of his best friends. So I’m going to spend time with Remus today because he obviously needs a better friend than you,” Shay finished.


Sirius fell back against his pillows after Shay left the doorway to take a shower. He couldn’t understand why she couldn’t see where he was coming from. Everybody in the Order is aware of the spy. Everyone is suspect. For a while there were some whispers that Shay could have been the spy but Sirius shut it down as quickly as it began. There weren’t many people left in the Order. They had lost Marlene, Dorcas, Niki and Alana. Edgar Bones and his family had been murdered while Shay was missing and Caradoc Dearborn had gone missing a few weeks prior. And with Lily and James in hiding, it left slim pickings. Sirius was sure some people thought he was the spy. It would make sense. Sirius wasn’t even completely sure if Remus was the spy. A few days prior, Benjy Fenwick questioned Peter’s intentions but Sirius, Shay and Remus defended their friend. Only four people knew that Peter Pettigrew was the secret keeper. Peter was the most loyal person Sirius had ever met. That’s why he suggested the switch to Lily and James.

 Sirius missed all of the Potters. However, he knew how disappointed they would be with how he was treating Remus. But Sirius had to protect what was his and in his mind he was doing just that.


“What are your plans for today?” Shay asked as she reentered the bedroom, fresh out of the shower.

 “Nothing planned, really. I might take the bike out for a while. I would ask if you want to join but I know you have other plans.”

 Shay gave Sirius a sideways glance after the small jab.

 “I think I might let Jack play with Padfoot for a bit. I haven’t done that in a while,” Sirius said and finally sat up.

 “I think you get just as much enjoyment out of it as he does,” Shay said with a smile.

 “He’s a funny dog. Very smart and really cares about the both of us. Especially you. He was a wreck when you went missing.”

 “He is a good dog. He’s been through a hell of a lot in his short life, but haven’t we all?”

 “Dinner tonight?” Sirius asked.

 “Of course. I’ll buy.”



 “Shay, you can’t teach first years advanced spells like this,” Remus said while looking through Shay’s lesson plans for the upcoming school year.

 “Remus, they need to be taught as much as possible while they have time. By this time next year You-Know-Who could have complete control,” Shay countered.

 “We both know that as long as Dumbledore is around people will be safe, especially at Hogwarts.”

 “Fine. I’ll just teach them the boring stuff and all the little first years will hate me because I’m so boring. But if I find out these kids like Severus more than me, I’m coming after you.”

 “That’s impossible. I’ve seen Snape try to teach people before when we were both tutors. It was not a pretty sight. You’re great with kids and you’re spectacular at Defense Against the Dark Arts. You just have to make the lessons your own,” Remus said.

 “Can I bring you with me?” Shay asked with a smile.

 “Ah, you don’t need me. I wouldn’t mind coming around to visit every once in a while though.”

 “Half of these kids are probably going to remember me from school. How are they going to respect the girl who got pregnant during her 7th year by Sirius Black, who was practically a juvenile delinquent most of his school time?”

 “Why are you worrying about this so much? Albus doesn’t pick just anyone for these positions. You deserve this,” Remus said and gave Shay’s hand a reassuring rub.


“Did you see that?” Sirius thought as he and Jack watched Shay and Remus from the window.

 “We shouldn’t be here,” Jack responded.

 “We’ll leave soon. I just want to make sure he doesn’t touch her anymore.”

 “She’s going to be mad if she sees you. She’ll be mad at me too.”

 “No, she’ll just be mad at me. Stop worrying,” Sirius finished and kept watching the two.

 He wasn’t touching her but they looked like they were having a deep conversation. It made Sirius mad with jealously. He wanted to know what they were talking about. He trusted Shay; he just didn’t trust Remus.

 “He’s a good man,” Jack, who was getting bored with the whole situation, communicated with Sirius.

 “How would you know?”

 “I lived with him for a while. He treated me kind and he treated her the same.”



Shay was listening to Remus babble on about what she should be teaching third years when she saw a pair of eyes staring at her through the window. She was taken aback at first but then recognized whom they belonged to. Sirius had transformed into Padfoot and followed her to Remus’s. She couldn’t believe that he would actually do that.

“What are you looking at?” Remus asked when he finally realized she had stopped listening.

 She snapped out of it and smiled at Remus. He didn’t need to know.

“Nothing, I was just caught in a thought.”

 She quickly glanced back at the window and saw that the dog was now gone. Sirius must have fled.

 “How about some dinner, Remus?”



 Shay came home late, to find Sirius in the living room and he seemed to be waiting for her.

 “I thought we were going to have dinner?” he asked her when she sat down across from him.

 “I saw that you were busy, so I made a change of plans.”

 “I’m sorry.”

 “Instead of having to apologize all the time, how about you just stop doing stupid things? It would make this relationship so much easier,” Shay expressed her frustration.

 “Sometimes I can’t help myself,” Sirius said and looked away from her.

 “I just don’t understand why you don’t trust me. What have I ever done to make you not trust me? I’ve been faithful. I’ve been fair. I’ve been honest. I’ve stood by you and I get nothing in return.”

 “I love you,” Sirius said with pure sincerity.

 “I know. We can’t screw this up Sirius. We’re not going to get another chance.”

 “I’ll do better. I promise.”

 Shay was silent for a minute and Sirius waited for her to weigh in.

 “I think I’m going to move to Hogwarts early. I think we need to try to be our own people,” Shay decided and was a little shaken.

 “I really don’t understand this. Why would you want to do this?”

 “Why wouldn’t we? Sirius, we’ve been joined at the hip for years. I love that we know each other so well, but we need to start working on ourselves. I have a lot of things that I need to work out.”

 “We can work them out together,” Sirius said.

 “Some things we have to work out together but this we have to start on our own. Sirius, you spent almost a year looking for me, then nursing me back to health and I love you for that. But that’s not good for anyone. I want you to start caring for yourself just as much as you care for me. Is that too much to ask?”

 “This isn’t going to be fun for me,” Sirius said sadly.

 “It doesn’t have to be bad, Sirius. Go out and meet new people. You don’t have to think about me every second of the day. I trust you Sirius.”

 Shay got up and sat on Sirius’s lap.

 “Don’t be mad at me for this,” Shay said.


 Shay rested her head against his chest and could smell soap and nature from his day’s travels. It made her melt.

 She realized being away from him was going to be rough. Sirius Black was addicting.

Chapter 16: A Day in the Life
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*the plot and OC's belong to me, the rest belongs to J.K.



James Potter never thought it would come to this. He never thought his family would have to hide from a man that absolutely wanted them dead. But Voldemort really didn’t seem to want Lily and him, he wanted their son and that’s what was really scary. James would do anything for his son, even if it meant dropping off the face of the earth. But it didn’t mean he wasn’t completely and utterly bored.

 Their routine was very simple. There were no jobs, no missions, no parties, no nothing. Just a family of three, living day to day. This was not okay, according to James. He had thought about going on an adventure as Prongs, but he just couldn’t take the chance. He had two other people to think about. That alone, was something very different for James.

 James Potter, the arrogant toerag that would carry a snitch around at Hogwarts, even though he wasn’t even the seeker. James Potter, the git that would tirelessly tease any unsuspecting victim at a whim. James Potter, the delinquent that became an illegal animagus, made a secret map of Hogwarts, frequently emptied the kitchens, harassed the ghosts and made himself a record of having the most detentions during his seven years of school, was now a loving and caring husband and father. Nobody was more shocked than James.

 Harry had turned one last week and neither Lily or James could believe it. Everything was so different last year. But Harry had changed the most. He was walking (kind of) and talking (barely) but his personality was really just coming to light. He was a funny kid and smart to boot. He was almost identical to James but seemed to have picked up a lot of traits from Lily. He was almost always happy and so content with his life. But he was a little mischievous. He had gotten a hold of James’s wand the week prior and almost did some serious damage. Lily almost had James’s head for that one. James loved when Harry’s magic showed through. Harry would become so fascinated with himself that James and Lily couldn’t help but be entertained.

 They knew their son wasn’t going to be an ordinary kid. Why would the Dark Lord want him if he were just ordinary? Not that there’s anything wrong with being average, at least according to Lily. There was so much they wanted to teach him and show him about the world he was going to live in. A world many dream about, but a world that could get them all killed.


“Broom! Broom!”

This was all Harry said for the past week.

 “Da! Broom!” Harry exclaimed and pulled on James’s pant leg to get his attention.

 “Lily?” James called to his wife, who was in the next room.

 She didn’t respond but walked into the room to see what was needed.

 “He wants the broom. What’s the verdict?”

 “James, he nearly flew himself into the fire last time. He just goes so fast on it,” Lily said, her forehead creased with worry.

 “Let me take him outside.”

 “No, he could try to fly away, then what? It could blow everything.”

 “What if I make a barrier outside? Nobody will see us and he can’t get out. Look at this face Lily. Don’t make me say no to him,” James said and picked Harry up.

 James held Harry and front of Lily and she couldn’t resist smiling at her son. She grabbed him from James and held him close. He had his father’s charm.

 “Alright. I guess he can fly for a little bit.”


 Harry was a natural on the broom and it made James beam with pride. He couldn’t wait until Harry went to Hogwarts and be eligible to play quidditch. He could see his son being Gryffindor Quidditch Captain and Head Boy, just as he was and he would score E’s on his OWLs and NEWTs because he’ll be just as smart as his mother. It was one of James’s favorite hobbies to dream about what his son would be like in the years to come. He couldn’t wait to see what would actually happen.

 The more James thought about Hogwarts, the more he thought about Shay. In her last letter she told James and Lily she was getting ready to move to Hogwarts for the school year. James thought making Shay the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor was one of the most brilliant things Dumbledore had ever done. There was never somebody so perfect for the job, besides Albus Dumbledore himself. He hoped Shay would love the job and teach there forever so Harry could have her as a teacher, not that she wouldn’t teach him everything he needed to know when the time came.

 That was the great thing about having such close friends. It was an automatic family for Harry. James was an only child and Petunia wanted nothing to do with Lily, so Harry didn’t have much of an extended family besides Sirius, Shay, Remus and Peter. But having such close friends made this whole hiding situation much harder. Lily cried a lot when they first went into hiding. Shay had just come back and Lily didn’t want to leave her so soon and both Lily and James were worried about the turmoil between Sirius and Remus. James often wondered if he was going to have much of a group of friends when he got back to reality and that mad him extremely sad.

 He remembered the days where it was just the Marauders. Days before girls were prevalent and the Dark Lord rising was just whispers of conspiracy. Life was so simple. James still remembered the day that he was sorted into Gryffindor and realized that the boys he was sorted with, he would be friends with them forever. He just wished some of his other friends felt the same way.


 James watched Harry fly around in circles. He had great form for being so young in life. Harry was ecstatic with himself. He only fell off once and didn’t miss a beat when he did. Once again, James knew his son was meant for greatness. James saw Lily watching them out of the corner of his eye. She was looking out the window with her arms folded around herself. James could tell she was trying to be calm. James knew her biggest fear was losing Harry. She had nightmares all the time. The two of them saw what losing Cillian did to Sirius and Shay. James couldn’t stomach thinking about it but he knew it would be Lily’s demise.

 He waved his wife outside. He felt the sudden need to embrace her. He watched her debate then move towards the door. She glistened in the sun. James was always enthralled by Lily’s beauty. A lot of boys had been at Hogwarts. That’s part of the reason he was such a prick. Nobody wanted to mess with James, so only a few brave souls dared to court Lily Evans. She had the skin of a porcelain doll. Her hair was thick, wavy and a deep, deep red. Her eyes were the color of the world’s most perfect emerald stone. Even though James loved the way his wife looked but if she lost it all the next day, he would love her no less.

 “How’s he doing?” Lily asked as she cautiously approached her family.

 “He’s a pro. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get him off this thing,” James said with a smile and reached for Lily.

 He pulled her towards himself and she rested her ear right over his heart.

 “I’m feeling nervous about today,” Lily whispered.

 Lily had a lot of these feelings. None of them turned out to be true but James understood where they came from.

 “Lils, we’re allowed to enjoy the weather. Another ten minutes out here and we’ll go back inside. You need to remember that we’re in the safest place we can be right now.”

 “I know James. I just can’t help it. We’ve been gone for six months now and nothing has changed. It’s just…it’s just one of those days,” Lily said and looked up at James with a weak smile.

 “I’m sorry you feel so rotten today. You know if I could fix it, I would in a second. We just have to remember who we’re doing this for.”

 Lily just nodded her head and stepped away.

 “I think it’s time for you two to come inside. I’m going to start lunch.”

 Harry definitely didn’t want to come inside. He had his mother’s temper when he wanted to. But James felt for Harry. He never wanted to get off of his broom either.

 “Broom?” Harry asked with a pout.

 “Later kiddo. It’s time for lunch,” James responded and locked the door behind him.


 After lunch, Lily put Harry down for a nap. This gave James a chance to clean up before Lily came back. He enjoyed doing little things to make her life easier. Lily, coming from a muggle family, didn’t believe in house elves. James grew up with a pair of them, Pokey and Pinky, and they were part of the family. Lily always told him that she liked the busy work and it would help him learn some more responsibility.

 James completely finished the kitchen and was wondering what was taking Lily so long. Harry never missed a nap. James walked down the hall and heard Lily sniffling. This happened every so often. Lily would let the situation get the best of her. James would usually find her sitting in the rocking chair, watching over Harry and silently crying. It absolutely tore him apart.

 “Hey,” James said softly.

 Lily wiped her eyes and looked up at him. She didn’t even attempt to smile.

 “Come on. I have something that will make you feel better,” James said and offered his hand to her.

 James guided her into the living room and went to the record player. Lily had an amazing collection of muggle records that James grew to really enjoy.

 “Oh James, I don’t know if I’m in the mood,” Lily said.

 “You’re always in the mood for music, Lily. You’re addicted to these records,” James said and found what he was looking for.

 Lily looked uncomfortable standing in the middle of the living room but smiled a little at James’s persistence.

 The song started to play and James practically swept Lily up. They held close to each other and swayed in sync with the music.

 “I love these moments,” Lily said.

 “I love all of our moments,” James said and kissed her on the forehead.

 “I’m sorry for being so down today. These days I can’t seem to help it.”

 “Lils, I would never be mad at you for that. You’re allowed to be sad or mad or even happy. We still need to live our lives because neither of us know what will happen tomorrow.”

 “I couldn’t do this without you,” Lily said softly.

 “The feeling is mutual, love.”

 For the second time that day, Lily rested her head over James’s heart.

 “I want to sing for you,” James said, trying to lighten the mood.

 “Oh no. Not with that voice of yours,” Lily said with her first genuine smile of the day.

 “I’m appalled. You’re supposed to support me in all of my endeavors. And I have the voice of an angel.”

 “Yea, the angel of death,” Lily said and James had to laugh.


 “Baby I’m amazed at the way you’re with me all the time,” James began to sing and Lily buried her head in embarrassment.

 “Maybe I’m afraid of the way I leave you,” James continued even louder.

 “Baby I’m amazed at the way you help me sing my song,” James egged her on.

 “I’m not going to sing with you,” Lily said with a laugh.

 “You right me when I’m wrong,”

 “Well, that’s true,” Lily countered.

 “Maybe I’m amazed at the way I really need you,” James finished and kissed her softly.

 Lily melted in his arms.

 “James Potter, I really, truly am deeply in love with you,” Lily said and felt like crying tears of joy.

 “Well I hope so because Lily, I always have and always will, love you.”


Chapter 17: Back to School
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*the plot and OC's belong to me, the rest belongs to J.K.



Shay was moving back home. Well, she always thought of Hogwarts as her real home. It’s where all her family occupied. However, she wasn’t a student anymore. She was 21 now and was going to be responsible for other people’s children. That not only blew her away but also scared her to death.

She brought Sirius with her because for one, he wanted to know where he could find her, and two, she was going to miss him like crazy. Their relationship gained so much strength since they decided to live separately. And it also made the situation a lot easier. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and Shay had become a believer in that.

“It’s so weird that you’re going to be hanging out with Professor McGonagall and Flitwick during your free time,” Sirius said after he flopped down on her new bed, testing out the mattress.

It was like lying on a cloud.

“I wouldn’t call it hanging out, Sirius. We’ll most likely be working on a lot of Order stuff during down time but it’s not like we’re going to be throwing them back every night at the Three Broomsticks,” Shay said and sat down next to him on the bed.

“I would hope to get an invite if that ever happened,” Sirius said and flashed Shay a brilliant smile.

“Look what I have,” Shay said and pulled something out of her desk drawer.

It was a nameplate.

“Professor Calhoun. Can you believe it? I’m going to be called Professor Calhoun for the next 9 months,” Shay said with a laugh.

“Where did you get that from?” Sirius asked and examined the gold plated piece of wood.

“It was sitting in my office but look on the back.”

Sirius read the small engraving.


Good luck, Shay. Just remember how it feels to be a student and you’ll do great. –R.J.L.


“That was nice of him,” Sirius said curtly and gave the item back to Shay.

“Yea it was. I’ve been so busy these past few weeks that I haven’t had a chance to see him at all. It’s nice that he thought of me.”

Sirius was kicking himself for not getting her anything.

“Sirius I would never expect you to get me anything. It’s enough that you’re here with me now,” Shay said quickly.

Sirius grimaced at her.

“I’m sorry. I know you hate it when I read your thoughts. You know I have a hard time controlling it when I’m nervous.”

Sirius had to smile at her. Shay was always so strong and composed, that it was nice to see her feeling a bit vulnerable. It made Sirius want to never let go of her.

“It’s alright, Shay. I know you don’t do it on purpose. Just think how useful that will become during class. You can detect if anyone is cheating. These kids are never going to mess with you.”

“I don’t want them to hate me, Sirius. I’m not a very strict person. Lily would be perfect for this job. She has such high standards for everyone. I, on the other hand, will probably fail all these kids and make them wish that they were born squibs,” Shay said and started pacing.

Sirius couldn’t help but let out a bark of laughter.

“Sirius, this isn’t funny,” Shay said and put her hands on her hips. 

“I know. I’m sorry. Shay, you’re going to be just fine. You did great in school and we all know you’re a master of Defense Against the Dark Arts. You held off You-Know-Who for months, I’m sure you can handle a few snot nosed kids.”

“What if I have the Marauders 2.0 in my class?”

“You were always good with dealing with us when we were in school. Now you have even more power. And just remember, nobody is going to hate you as much as they’ll hate Snape, besides those nasty Slytherin of course.”

This made Shay laugh.

“I didn’t even think about Slytherin. I really don’t know what Albus has gotten me into.”

“I’ll talk to Peeves before I leave. He’s always been in my corner, I’ll tell him to keep an eye out for you and not to hold back on Slytherins.”

Shay gave Sirius a small smile and grabbed his hand.

“I’m going to see you every weekend, right?” Shay asked sadly

“Yes and I’d make it every night if I could but I think Dumbledore would catch on after a while,” Sirius said and started rubbing her hand lightly with his thumb.

“I love you, Sirius.”

“I love you too, Shay. I’m not going anywhere. So don’t worry too much,” Sirius said with a small, crooked smile.

“I’m not worried about you leaving me, Sirius. I just don’t want you to be mad at me for doing this,” Shay said with worry written all over her face.

“I would never be mad at you for trying to better yourself. We’re good, Shay. We’re more than good. This isn’t going to disappear anytime soon,” Sirius said and kissed Shay on the forehead.

“I know. I have to go to this staff meeting now. But I’ll see you in a few days. Alright?”

“Of course.”

“Just do me a favor Sirius,” Shay said while walking with him to her door.


“Don’t get into any trouble on your way out,” Shay said with a smile and pulled him in for a kiss.

Shay felt him smile against her lips then pull away.

“I’ll try but I can’t promise anything,” Sirius said before walking away.

Shay felt her heart sink as she watched her support system walk away. 



This was weird for Shay. She just walked into a room with many of her old professors and she was now on the same level as them. Shay also felt awkward because she didn’t know where to sit. She didn’t want to intrude by sitting by someone who didn’t want to be near her but she also didn’t want it to seem as if she was playing favorites. So Shay just decided to stand in back, hoping to go unnoticed.

Shay was happy she wasn’t the last person to arrive. Severus walked in about three minutes after her and seemed to have the same dilemma as Shay. Shay tried to look anywhere but Severus. She hadn’t seen him since she recognized him all those months ago and she figured she was the last person Severus wanted to see. Shay watched him out of the corner of her eye and saw that he decided to sit next to Professor Binns. Shay had to keep her laughter to herself. Of course he would sit next to Binns. Shay shouldn’t have expected anything else. Severus Snape always went to safe, unnoticed route.

“Calhoun, quit making everyone else so nervous and come sit down,” Professor McGonagall hollered over.

Shay blushed like mad and went and sat next to her favorite professor.

“Welcome Shay. We’re very happy to have you,” Minerva said quietly and gave Shay a small, quick smile.

“Thank you, Professor,” Shay said quietly. 

“We’ve been over this before. Just call me Professor around the students. We’re two of the same now.”

This made Shay beam. It made her feel appreciated and accepted. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.


Albus Dumbledore appeared about a minute later and smiled at his staff. 

“You all look fantastic!” Albus said with excitement. 

Once again, Shay tried to hold back her laughter. She knew she wasn’t part of the liveliest group.

“Another school year is coming upon us and we have some new additions this year. Since Horace Slughorn left us this past year, we have recruited Severus Snape! He will be the Potions Master and head of the Slytherin house. And Professor Donaldson decided to leave us to start a family so I decided to bring aboard Shay Calhoun as the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I would like you all to help them when needed and work as a team like I know you all can,” Albus said with smile and carried on.

“We all know the ever increasing threat of Tom Riddle,” the whole room tensed up.

“Let’s try our best to keep our students as comfortable as possible. They all are aware of the issues in this world. This school is for learning and for growth. We are responsible for these children while they are here, so let’s make the best for them. I have faith in all my staff to do the best of their ability, which is the best there is to offer. We are, after all, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”

Everyone nodded and mumbled in agreement.

“As I promised, this meeting has been short. I’m excited to see you all at the Welcoming Feast in a few days. Until then, enjoy the peace and quiet of an empty castle. I for one can’t stand it. I can’t wait for the mayhem to ensue,” Dumbledore finished and disappeared in a blink.

“Is it like this every year?” Shay asked McGonagall, not sure of what just happened.

“I’ve been teaching here for 25 years now. He seems to get more senile every year.”

Shay gave McGonagall a sideways glance.

“But my respect for him doubles with that.”


Everyone filed out of the room and Shay couldn’t help but follow Severus. She never got the chance to thank him for what he did for her. She was unsure about how she was going to go about this so she followed ten paces behind him. Her mind was racing will all the possible scenarios that could happen in the next few minutes. Maybe he would finally open up to her and they would become incredibly close. However, Severus was actually blood related. So being close to him was probably not in the numbers. Shay guessed that Sev would be angry more than anything. Because that’s how Severus Snape was. Angry was easiest for him, opening up and trusting people was not his strong suit. And Shay knew that she and her friends had not made that any easier for him.

Shay forgot how far away the dungeons were and quickly reminded herself that she was not going to be coming down here often. She was wondering if Severus was just ignoring her or her covert spy skills had increased ten fold. The latter was not true.

Severus quickly turned and briskly walked back towards her.

“What do you want?” he asked rapidly.

Shay was thrown off for a few seconds.

“To say hi,” Shay responded with a nervous smile.

“Okay,” Severus said and turned to walk away.

“Are we just going to pretend like you never saved my life?” Shay asked desperately.

Severus stopped in his tracks.

Shay walked towards him and put a hand on his shoulder.


Snape shook her off quickly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said and wouldn’t look at her.

“Yes you do. I have my memory back. I know what you and Courtlyn did.”

Severus refused to answer.

“Sev, we don’t have to talk about it now. But when you’re ready, let me know,” Shay said with a soft smile and watched Severus walk away from her.

He would come around soon. She just knew it.



Shay watched her first class from the doorway of her classroom. She had 5th years first and it was Gryffindor and Slytherin. Shay had to steady herself before entering the jungle. She could already tell who was going to give her a run for her money. There was a set of Gryffindor boys that were laughing incessantly. Shay could seem them writing on a piece of parchment and exploring their minds, she could hear that they were only thinking dirty thoughts about some unsuspecting girl sitting in front of them. Shay looked over to the other side of the room where she spotted a Slytherin boy and girl, a couple she assumed, who couldn’t keep their hands off each other. She watched the students around them look completely disgusted. Finally, Gryffindor girl in front of the two turned around and asked them the stop. The boy pulled away from his girlfriend quickly and kicked the chair of the Gryffindor girl.

It was time for Shay to start teaching her class. 

She started walking down the main aisle of the classroom and the students chattering died down. Shay walked over to the two Gryffindor boys and snatched the piece of parchment.

“We’ll talk about this after class,” Shay said quietly and the boys looked up at her nervously.

Shay then walked over to the Slytherin couple and stood between them.

“Get your hormones out now. We’re going to be switching seats in a minute.”

Shay made her way to the front of the class and took a deep breath before turning around to face her students.

“I’m Professor Shay Calhoun. As you all know by now, I’m the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor this year. I guess some of you may remember me. I graduated from Hogwarts in 1978. I was in Gryffindor and I still do carry my crimson and gold pride,” Shay said with a smile and got a laugh from the Gryffindors but found dismay from the Slytherins.

“I remember you,” the female half of the Slytherin couple spoke out.

Shay turned her attention to her.


“Your sister was in Slytherin and you were pregnant. I’m sure everyone remembers you,” the girl snidely remarked.

“Both of those things are very much true. What’s your name?”

“Jocasta Davies.”

“Jocasta, do you value Defense Against the Dark Arts?” Shay asked.

The girl just crossed her arms in silence.

“Alright then. We’ll move on. Who knows of the threat that’s endangering all of us right now?” Shay asked her class and hands started slowly going up.

“Who thinks they could fend off a Death Eater?” Shay asked and sat on her desk.

Only one person raised their hand. It was one of the Gryffindor boys.

“Your name?”

“Duncan Campbell,” the boy said loudly and Shay could tell he was happy to hear his own voice.

“Ok Duncan, so you believe that you could win against a Death Eater? Explain this to me.”

“I don’t know. I’d disarm them or something. I don’t know what I would do, I would just do it.” 

“That plan sounds like it will get you killed. No offense.”

Duncan did not take to well to that.

“Well what do you know? You’re only a few years older than us anyway. Everyone’s been wondering how you even got this job.”

Shay nodded her head slowly. Suddenly the room dimmed and an image appeared at the front of the room.

“This is my grave stone,” Shay said and the whole room went quiet.

“I went missing on May 2nd, 1980 and they pronounced me dead on July 30th, 1980. They pronounced me dead because nobody comes back after a face off with Lord Voldemort,” the whole class cringed with those two words.

“My battle lasted for almost six months. I was captured with a close friend of mine, Dorcas Meadows, during a battle with Death Eaters. I watched her die and then I was tortured everyday until my own sister, who was a Death Eater, saved me. So I know a thing or two about fending of Death Eaters,” Shay finished and turned the lights back on.

None of her students would make eye contact with her.

“But I made it. I made because I was trained well and I’ve been blessed with a few special talents. I want all of you to be able to defend yourselves as well. Has anyone been affected by Lord…” Shay was interrupted by a Gryffindor girl in front of her.

She was the girl that got her chair kicked by the Slytherin boy.

“Please don’t say his name again,” the girl begged and was visibly shaken. 

“What’s your name,” Shay asked softly.

“Clare Dearborn,” the girl replied softly.

“You’re related to Caradoc, aren’t you?” 

“Yes. He’s my cousin. He went missing too but he hasn’t come back yet,” Clare said and Shay could tell she was trying to not get emotional.

“I fought along side Caradoc. He’s a good man, a good friend and we’re still waiting for him to come back home,” Shay said with a soft smile. 

“Has anyone else lost somebody to this war?”

Two other kids raised their hands.

“Professor, have you lost anyone?” Clare asked.

“Yes I have. I’ve lost a lot of friends and their families. Death Eaters murdered my brother about four years ago. Three of my closest friends have lost their parents. And a year and a half ago Death Eaters murdered my son and one of my best friend while my boyfriend and I were out to dinner,” Shay finished and let her life sink into her students minds.

“But yet you still decide to fight,” the boy sitting next to Duncan said suddenly.

Shay opened her mouth to ask him his name but he bypassed her question.

“Sean O’Connell,” he said with a thick Irish accent, much like her own.

“A man from my own country,” Shay said with a smile and continued. 

“Yes I still fight. Losing all these people that I care about the most has made me want to fight even harder. After I lost my son, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. My world was completely turned up side down and everything was in shambles. But I don’t want anyone to die in vain. And this is why I want to make you all the best. If you all let me, I will teach you what you need to know to defend yourself and your family because these days, you don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring.”


The class ended up speeding by and as Shay promised she asked Duncan and Sean to come to the front of the classroom as everyone else filed out.

“So this picture,” Shay said and set the inappropriate drawing on her desk.

“It was just supposed to pass the time. It’s a harmless picture,” Duncan replied.

“It’s harmless to you but what about this girl? What if somebody got a hold of this a spread it around? How do you think she would feel?” Shay questioned.

“Sorry Professor. I guess we just weren’t thinking,” Sean answered and Shay saw that he was pretty bashful.

“I’m going to pretend like this never happened but if I see this or hear about this again, it’ll be points for both of you, no matter how much I want Gryffindor to win the House Cup,” Shay finished with a smile.

“Yes, Professor,” they said in unison.

“Do you guys need anything else?” Shay asked as she noticed them hesitating by her desk.

“Professor, we’re both on the quidditch team,” Sean started and looked to Duncan to finish.

“Really? What do you guys play? I absolutely love quidditch. Used to play for Gryffindor myself. 

“We know that and that’s why we want to ask you for help,” Duncan said quickly.

“What do you mean help?” Shay asked.

“Our team is going to royally suck this year. Slytherin has won the past two years and we can’t stand to see them win again,” Duncan said with a pained expression.

“I’m not sure what you two want me to do. Professor McGonagall is your Head of House and she was a great player herself and don’t you guys have a team captain?”

“Professor McGonagall wants us to win of course but it’s not like we’ll get her to fly around with us. And our captain is no James Potter. We both remember how good the team was back then. We were first years,” Sean said.

“I mean, I’ll have to run it by Professor McGonagall and the Headmaster but I would love to help you guys with some training. I have to warn you though; I’m a bit rusty. I haven’t played since my 7th year,” Shay said.

She was actually pretty excited about this possible opportunity.

“That’s great! Can you let us know as soon as possible? The whole team is hoping this will happen. Like I said, we can’t bear to lose another year,” Duncan said and was almost jumping up and down with excitement.

“All right boys. I’ll let you know. Get out of here. I don’t want to be responsible for you being late,” Shay said with a smile and motioned her head towards the exit.

“Thanks, Professor! You’re the best!” Sean exclaimed as he and Duncan fled out of the room to make it to their next class.

Shay smiled to herself and spun around in her chair. Her first class went surprisingly well. Maybe, just maybe, she was going to be good at this whole teaching thing.



***I really enjoyed writing Shay at Hogwarts. I forgot how easily it came. It reminds me of writing the first part of this story (which was about 4 years ago now). I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter because I plan on writing a lot more like this. I think it's a good change of pace from the story since we all know the end is nearing.

Chapter 18: Butting Heads
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*the plot and OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.



Shay had been teaching at Hogwarts for only a week, but she was feeling right at home with her job. She was getting along great with most of her students and she felt like she was learning so much herself. She enjoyed teaching all the different levels of Defense Against the Dark Arts. She loved the amazement of the first years and the determination of the sevenths. She was completely happy with her decision to come to Hogwarts.

Shay was walking down a corridor after lunch. She was taking it slow because not only was she completely stuffed, but also she had her grading period now. Strolling the castle took her back to her own school days, walking around with her friends, exploring the castle and all the things it has to offer.

“Give it back!” Shay heard a yell from a few yards a head of her.

She looked towards the noise and saw a few third year Slytherins standing in a circle. She knew from experience, this was never a good thing. She started to advance towards the situation but saw a Gryffindor boy that was going to beat her to the punch.

“Petrificus Totalus!” the Gryffindor boy shouted at the seeming leader of the group.

The boy hit the floor with a thud.

“What is going on here?” asked a low demanding bark from behind Shay.

Shay turned around to see Severus coming up behind her.

“Don’t worry about this. I can handle it,” Shay said to him but he zipped right past her.

Severus quickly lifted the spell of the Slytherin boy and a fixed a glare on the Gryffindor.

“Did I just see you use a spell in a harmful way on another student, Patterson?” Snape interrogated.

“Sir, I was just…” the boy tried to argue but Severus wasn’t going to let that happen.

“Enough. Ten points from Gryffindor and detention tomorrow at 7. Are we clear?” Snape ended in almost a growl.

“Yes, Professor,” the boy mumbled and fixed his eyes on his shoes.

“I’m sure the rest of you have some where to be,” Severus said and before he could even look at the other kids, they had bolted down the corridor.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Shay said to him as soon as the kids were out of earshot.

“Spells aren’t toys. They’re powerful instruments,” Severus replied quickly.

“Ok, so what about your Slytherins that were harassing that poor Hufflepuff girl?” Shay questioned and followed Snape down the corridor.

“I didn’t see it.”

“Well I did and I told you that I was going to handle it.”

“And let that imbecile get off scotch free?” Severus snapped.

“Just like you let those three bullies go!” Shay exclaimed.

Severus finally turned to look at her.

“Are you questioning my authority?” Severus asked and narrowed his eyes.

“And what if I am? Just because Sirius and James treated you like rubbish in school doesn’t mean you have to take it out on every single Gryffindor.”

“I can’t help that Gryffindor has always had a knack for trouble.”

“Severus, I could just strangle you some times. Leave the Gryffindors alone. This isn’t fair,” Shay said and crossed her arms in a huff.

“You’re just worried your house isn’t going to win the Cup,” Snape said and straightened his stance a little.

“I’m not even a Head of House! I’m officially nonpartisan.”

Shay was getting too excited.

“Bullocks. I know you too well. You’re a Gryffindor for life. You can’t hide that.”

“You barely know me at all and so what if I am. You’re obviously loyal to Slytherin and I don’t harass you about that. All I ask is that you quit singling out the Gryffindor house.”

“What do you mean I don’t know you at all?” Severus hissed as he moved closer to her.

“You’re my cousin and I don’t think you even know my middle name,” Shay said with a bit of frustration.

She could tell he was racking his brain.

“It’s Iona, you git! It was our grandmother’s name or did you forget that we shared one of those?” Shay questioned fiercely.

Severus was practically spitting. He couldn’t figure out a retort.

“Does this mean we can finally sit down and talk?” Shay asked.

“Why would I want to do that?” Severus questioned.

“So you can learn some more about me and I can finally figure out why you saved me, since you seem to hate me so damn much,” Shay said with a small annoying smile.

“I don’t hate you, I just hate…”

“I know, I know. You hate my bastard of a boyfriend and his toerag of a best friend because he’s with your soul mate. That’s fine. Let’s talk about it over tea some time.”

“Maybe next week,” Severus finally complied.

“Don’t try to get out of this, Sev. We live in the same castle. It may be big but you’re going to have to try really hard to avoid me,” Shay said a nudged him a little with her elbow.

“Don’t tempt me.”



“Professor Calhoun, thank you so much for doing this. This is going to be an amazing year of quidditch for Gryffindor.”

Shay was striding towards the quidditch pitch with Sean O’Connell on her left side and Duncan Campbell on her right. She found that they had become quite the teacher’s pets.

“Calm down O’Connell. It’s unbecoming of a man your age,” Shay shot at him.

She was already in her game zone.

“Seriously Sean. You’re practically wetting your trousers over there,” Duncan chimed in.

“Shut up. You’re the one who was in a frenzy last night. You only let me sleep for an hour,” Sean snapped.

“Merlin, will the two of you cut it out. Now I know Professor McGonagall is okay with this,” Shay said.

“Okay with it? She was practically beaming! She knows we need this more than anyone,” Duncan interrupted.

“However, does your captain know about this?” Shay questioned and stopped before entering the pitch.

The set of boys looked down at their shoes.

“You’re kidding me right? This could be considered mutiny.”

“Well, the rest of the team agrees with us. Borchardt is a right prick sometimes,” Sean said and kicked the dirt around a little.

“A good captain has to be a leader, not a friend,” Shay said quickly.

“Just wait until you meet him. You’ll understand then,” Duncan said and opened the door for his professor and teammate.


Shay walked into the center of the pitch and flashbacks started to hit her. This was one of her favorite places. It’s where she crafted her art. She was a damn good beater and was almost flawless on a broom. Of course having always played with James, she was shown up a lot but she didn’t mind. She just loved the feeling of the wind in her hair and the adrenaline she received as soon as she picked up her bat.

The Gryffindor team was circling around the pitch. They were being led by whom Shay assumed to be the captain. Shay recognized him from her seventh year Defense class. His name was Jude Borchardt and Sean was right, he could be a right prick.

Jude spotted the three of them and practically did a swan dive at them. Sean and Duncan dived out of the way but Shay stayed put. She started reading his mind as soon as she entered the pitch. He had no clue what she was doing there.

“Professor Calhoun. It’s a pleasure to have you grace us with your presence. What’s the occasion?” Jude swiftly set his feet on the ground and smiled politely at her.

“Afternoon Mr. Borchardt. I was called upon by some of your teammates to help,” Shay returned the smile.

Jude reminded Shay of Sirius when they were that age. He was young, handsome and confident, if not a slight bit cocky. He had thick chestnut brown hair that went just past his ears, the style most of the boys had in school. His teeth were white and straight and his jaw line was set perfectly. His eyes were a magnificent electric blue and he had a tall, strong build. Yes, he was definitely what Sirius was four years ago.

“What do you mean help?” Jude’s polite attitude was starting to wane.

“I’m here to help you guys train. I would like to see Gryffindor win as well this year.”

“Thanks for the offer Professor, but we’ll be good,” Jude said and stood tall.

Shay could hear that he was not happy with his team.

“Professor McGonagall has already agreed to it. She actually is quite excited about it,” Shay said with a smile that she knew would annoy him.

Shay had only encountered Jude a few times but she wasn’t quite fond of him. She knew he was going to excel in her class and he knew the same thing. That’s what bugged her. He barely tried. He was careless. He was arrogant. Shay wanted to put him in his place.

“This is rubbish,” Jude said under his breath.

“I’m not going to try to take over your job. I was never interested in being a captain. However, I was good, once upon a time.”

“I remember we won the first three years I was in school. I also remember you left halfway through your last season. This isn’t an arena for you to live out your lost hopes and dreams,” Jude said through his teeth.

Shay was learning he had a quick temper.

“I don’t like your tone, Borchardt. This isn’t up for discussion. When are your try-outs?” Shay asked and placed her hands on her hips.



“10 AM.”

“I’ll see you there. Campbell, O’Connell, good luck,” Shay said with a nodded and marched out of the pitch.

Shay was only twenty feet away when she started hearing the wrath of Jude Borchardt. This was going to be a challenge.



“Who do you need this year?” Shay asked Jude, the Gryffindor captain, as all the hopefuls were flying around the pitch.

“Two chasers and a beater. Practically half a team,” Jude explained and wouldn’t take his eyes off his clipboard.

“That’s not so bad. At least you have me here. I can definitely help with the beater.”

Shay could see Jude’s jaw clench.

“You do realize that I’m a beater? I can handle it on my own. Don’t you want to bother anyone else?”

“Merlin, Borchardt. Take it easy. I’ll leave you be with your clipboard,” Shay said and walked towards the rest of the team.

“Sanders, why couldn’t you be captain?” Shay asked Billy Sanders, the only player that was on the team when Shay still played.

“He’s a great player and a good leader. He just doesn’t like to be told what to do,” Billy said and it looked like his teammates agreed.

Billy was the seeker, Duncan was the keeper and Sean was a chaser.

“You’re friends with him, aren’t you?” Shay asked while getting her broom ready to fly.

“He’s my best friend. Give him a chance, Professor. He’ll make good on it.”


Shay was beating bludgers at the hopeful chasers while they were trying to score against Duncan. Sean was being shadowed each beater at a time while Jude was blasting bludgers their way. Everyone could tell he was quite angry.

“I think he’s trying to kill Sean,” Billy said as he flew next to Shay.

“He’s just being ornery. There’s some talent here. Maybe you should tell that to Borchardt. He’d probably take it as an insult if I told him,” Shay said with a small laugh.

“Who do you like here?” Billy asked.

“That girl right there,” Shay pointed to a fourth year red haired girl, “She has a cannon for an arm. She’s precise too.”

“Nice choice. That’s my little sister,” Billy said with a proud smile.

“I can see you both got the quidditch gene. Can you take over for a bit?” Shay asked and handed her bat to Billy. 

“Be careful,” Billy called out after her as she flew towards Jude.


“How goes it?” Shay asked Jude, who looked angrier as Shay approached.

“Just fine,” he responded and whacked the bludger towards the poor soul who was protecting Sean.

Shay felt the wind from his bat about five feet away.

“You have great form,” Shay complimented.

“Better than yours. You have spaghetti arms.”

“That was rude, Borchardt. I’m just doing what was asked of me.”

“How many times do I have to tell you I have this under control?” Jude spat. 

“You do realize there’s a clear front runner here?”

“They all suck,” he practically yelled and hit the bludger across the pitch.

“Everyone take twenty laps around the pitch!” Jude shouted and flew towards the ground.

Shay and his teammates followed suit.

“How are the chasers looking?” Jude asked Duncan.

“Darcy Sanders is a shoe in,” Duncan said.

“Tell me something I don’t know, Campbell. I’ve been watching that girl play for seven years now. We still need another chaser.”

“Anthony Imperelli is good. He shares a dorm with Sean and I. He’d be a great asset to the team.”

“All right. I think I found the beater. That sixth year, Felix Harem,” Jude stated.

Shay looked at him, astounded.

“Borchardt, can I speak to you for a second?” Shay asked and pulled him away.

“Harem? You’re going to go with Harem?” Shay questioned in a hushed tone.

“He’s good,” Jude said and stood tall.

“Matilda Harper is the best one out there. She beat every bludger.”

“No. Not her.”

“Why not?”

“Girls can’t be beaters. I need a strong arm.”

“I ought to hit you with my bat over the head for just saying that,” Shay said in a low tone.

“No offense, Professor. Matilda is not a right fit for this team.”

“You’re going to run this team into the ground Borchardt. However, you’re the captain. Do as you please.”


“Sanders, do you think I’m wrong in suggesting Matilda Harper?” Shay asked Billy as they walked out of the pitch. 

“No. She’s very good. It’s not surprising. Jude and Matilda dated for two years. They practiced together all the time. Jude taught her everything she knows. I’m not surprised he didn’t pick her though. They had a nasty break up this summer.”

“So he’s going to hurt the entire team because of a school romance?” Shay questioned.

“It looks that way.”

Shay sped up to walk with Jude.

“What did she do to you?” Shay asked and it seemed like she scared him a little.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jude said and sped up his stride.

“Matilda Harper. I just found out that you two used to date. She must have done something awful in order for you to hurt this team.”

“It has nothing to do with that. She’s just not right for it.”

“I wonder what Professor McGonagall will think when I tell her you believe girls are crap quidditch players,” Shay said and stopped where she was. 

“You wouldn’t?” Jude asked and turned back to look at her.

“You know the right thing to do. So do it.”

Jude was steaming.

“Good day, Mr. Borchardt. I’ll see you in class on Monday.”

Chapter 19: It Doesn't Do to Dwell
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*the plot and OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.



“Shay, thanks for making time for me today,” Albus said and took a seat across from Shay at his desk.

“Of course Albus. What can I do for you?” Shay asked. 

“I need your help with a student.”

“Really? Why me? You’re the best with these kids.”

“There is a student who I believe can be a master of occlumency and legilimency,” Albus said and rested his elbows on his desk.

“That’s great Albus. I’d love to help. Who is it?”

“Jude Borchardt,” Albus said with a knowing smile.

“Oh come on Albus. You’re down right evil sometimes,” Shay said, thoroughly not amused.

“He’s talented Shay. I’ve been keeping an eye on him for a few years now. I’m going to ask him to join the Order at the end of the year. We need more minds like him. I can’t have you hang on to everything.”

“Do you not trust me with all the information?” Shay questioned.

“No, no it’s not that. Shay, you are one of my most trusted colleagues.  I just don’t need you to disappear again. You should be happy about this. It’s for your own protection.”

“I appreciate that you considered me for this. Borchardt hates me. I don’t think he’ll take anything I teach him to heart,” Shay said and got out of her chair.

She was starting to feel antsy.

“Well, you’re going to have to try Shay. It’s your job to get through to these children.”

“Albus, he’s bull headed, crude and cocky. He thinks he knows everything and the world will fall at his feet because everyone from Hogwarts does,” Shay said and started pacing around Dumbledore’s office.

“Doesn’t he remind you of someone we both know?” Dumbledore asked with a smirk.

“Yes, of course he reminds me of Sirius, but you and I both know that Jude Borchardt and Sirius Black are not on the same level.”

“Not yet at least.”

Shay stopped in the center of the room.

“This isn’t going to turn out very well,” Shay said with a hopeless tone.

She knew she wasn’t going to get out of this.

“You won’t know until you try it.”

Shay shook her head wearily. 

“I’ll do it. I just want you to know this isn’t going to be easy.”

“It wouldn’t be fun if it was.”


Shay was in her quarters, stewing over the assignment Dumbledore had given her. She was already at her wits end with those damn quidditch practices. Shay had tried to resign from it but McGonagall had been so excited about it, Shay couldn’t let her down. But Shay really disliked Jude. She sometimes wondered how he even got into Gryffindor. He treated her worse than some of the Slytherin students she had. But she owed Albus Dumbledore a lot and respected him too much to let him down in such away. Jude Borchardt was going to be better at occlumency and legilimency than herself if she had anything to do with it.

Shay finally got around to grading some papers when there was a knock on her door.

“Come in!” she hollered and waited for the door to open.

“Are you free?” Severus asked as he popped his head through the door.

“Yes, of course,” Shay said and smiled at the surprise.

“I believe I promised you a cup of tea,” Severus said and closed the door behind him.

Shay never thought he would actually come to her.

“Sit down. I’ll start a pot,” Shay said and motioned to her seating area.

“I hope you weren’t busy,” Severus said and took a seat.

“No, it’s fine. I just got out of a meeting with the Headmaster. I’m done for the weekend now,” Shay said and took the seat opposite him.

“Meeting about what?”

“I suppose I should keep this quiet but I trust you. Albus wants me to teach Jude Borchardt occlumency and legilimency.”

“That prat can do something other than flirt with pretty girls?” Severus asked and got up to grab the kettle.

“I’m glad we see eye to eye on at least one student,” Shay said with a small laugh and accepted a cup from Severus.

“I thought you two would be chummy after joining the quidditch team again,” Severus said and smirked into his cup.

“I didn’t join the quidditch team. I’m just helping them out. So have fun losing this year,” Shay said and returned the smirk.

“Well I’ve already given him two detentions this year. Let me know if he needs more.”

“Thanks Sev but you really don’t need to do me anymore favors.”

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“Isn’t that why you came here? I told you I wanted to talk about it,” Shay said and set her cup down on the table.

“There’s nothing to thank me for. I made a mistake when I joined,” Severus said and subconsciously grabbed his forearm.

“You saved my life Severus. I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to thank Courtlyn. So I’m going to thank you. I guess I understand why Courtlyn did it, but what motivated you? We were never particularly close.”

Shay watched Severus get extremely uncomfortable.

“Is there something you want to tell me, Sev?” Shay asked and moved towards the edge of her seat.

Shay could tell there was something. Severus Snape always had a certain pain hidden in his eyes but at that moment the pain looked excruciating.

“Is it bad?” Shay asked.

“It was a mistake I made that triggered it,” Severus said while he nervously was wringing his hands.

“What do you mean?” Shay asked cautiously.

She wasn’t sure if she was going to like what she was about to hear.

“I…uh, I…”

Severus was about to spit it out when Shay’s door swung open.

“You ready?” Sirius asked as he entered the room with a cheerful grin.

It quickly dropped off his face when he saw whom Shay was conversing with.

“What’s he doing here?” Sirius asked without looking at Snape.

“We were having a cup of tea,” Shay casually explained.

“The same could be asked about you, Black,” Severus said and quickly stood up.

“I’m sorry Severus. I forgot he was meeting me here,” Shay said apologetically. 

“Don’t apologize for me. As a matter of fact, don’t even apologize to him,” Sirius said sharply.

Shay didn’t have to tell Sirius to shut up; she said it all in a look.

“I do apologize for him. He seems to lose his manners sometimes,” Shay said through her teeth.

“I’ll see you around,” Severus said and started to walk towards the door.

“Are we going to give this conversation another chance?” Shay hollered after him.

Severus just gave her a small glance before exiting the room.


“Really, Sirius? You can be so damn embarrassing some times. We’re not in school anymore,” Shay said as Sirius occupied Severus’s former spot.

“You honestly forgot I was coming because you were enthralled by Severus Snape?” Sirius asked with a look of disgust.

“Honestly, yes.”

Sirius just blinked at her.

“This place is changing you,” Sirius stated and casually lifted an eyebrow.

“Is that such a bad thing?”

“I love you the way you are.”

“Would you love me if Severus became my best friend?” Shay asked with a small smile.

“Unfortunately yes. But I’m sure I wouldn’t be the only person that would have a problem with it. Lily and James will come out of hiding eventually. Does that 5th year “M” word incident ring a bell?”

“Everyone is allowed to make mistakes, Sirius.”

“Even mistakes that hurt the people you love?”

“I’m surprised you out of all people would question that,” Shay said with a quiet disappointment.

That kept Sirius quiet. 

They sat there for a few minutes in silence. Shay couldn’t stop wondering what Severus was about to say to her when Sirius flew out of his chair. He practically raced out the door and slammed it shut. Shay got up to chase after him when the door re-opened.

“Hey love, how was your week?” Sirius asked as he re-entered the room with a smile.

Shay couldn’t help but laugh. She walked over and planted a kiss on his lips and he held her in an embrace.

“Nice move, Mr. Black. I missed you and I love you. I feel like I don’t get to tell you that enough,” Shay said with a soft smile.

“You don’t have to tell me. I know that I’m irresistible,” Sirius said with a smirk and Shay gave him a playful shove.

“I need a drink. Three Broomsticks?” Shay asked.

“Sounds great.”



“You seem a bit tired today, Shay,” Sirius said as he sat down with two fire whiskeys.

“It’s some of these kids Sirius. It must be karma from something you Marauders pulled me into during school,” Shay said and rubbed her eyes.

“If I remember correctly you didn’t need our help too much in the trouble department.”

“Ok, I was a little rebellious the first few years of school but I straightened myself out. I’m surprised they didn’t keep you four on as maids after you graduated.”

“Well, either way you’re smarter than these kids, Shay. You’re smarter, wiser, stronger and more beautiful than anyone in that castle,” Sirius said with pride as he took a gulp of his drink.

“Now I know you’re just lying to me.”

“I’m not lying when I say you are the most beautiful person in that castle,” Sirius said and put his drink down.

“It’s sad that I can say ‘I’m not what I used to be’ and I’m only 21,” Shay mumbled, self pity getting the best of her.

“Shay, you look a million times better than when you came back. Sure, you have a few new scars but so what? It wouldn’t matter how different you physically looked. You’re still the most beautiful woman in the world to me,” Sirius said and reached over the table to caress her face.

Shay practically fell into his hand and felt the immediate warmth of it. Sirius had always run hot.

“I wish you could be here with me all the time. The castle gets really lonely,” Shay said with a sigh and a smile.

“I have something for you,” Sirius said and took his hand away.

Shay watched him rummage around in his pocket for a few seconds. He pulled out a small black box.

“Sirius, is that what I think it is?” Shay asked and was suddenly having déjà vu.

“Just let me talk Shay. This ring is yours. I bought this for you and only you. I’ve kept it in this box since the day you gave it back to me. This ring doesn’t have to mean anything you don’t want it to. I’ve just been trying to figure out the perfect time to give it back to you. I know this is getting worse by the moment and not romantic what so ever, but the ring is yours and you can do what you want with it,” Sirius finally finished and set the box in the middle of the table.

Shay looked between Sirius and the box before picking it up. She opened it up and saw the ring that meant so much to her for such a short amount of time. It was everything she remembered. It was beautiful.

Shay put the ring on her left ring finger and Sirius looked a little shocked.

“What if I wanted this to mean that we would spend the rest of our lives together?”

Sirius looked lost for words.

“Sirius, I’m asking you to marry me. Don’t leave me hanging here,” Shay said with a big smile.

“You really want to do this? I mean don’t get me wrong, I’ve wanted this for a long time, but you didn’t want this a few months ago.”

“And now I do. We’re young and in love, Sirius. I don’t want to waste any more time with this pettiness of dating. I’m completely ready to commit to you and only you.”

Sirius sat a smiled at his bride-to-be for a minute.

“This is a great day,” Sirius said with a face splitting smile.

“Well, I would hope so,” Shay said back with a laugh.

“Can I escort you back to your room?” Sirius asked with a mischievous smile.

“I know what you want and I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with that,” Shay said and raised an eyebrow at him.

“We used to do it all the time when we were in school. We conceived our child in that castle.”

“Well, I suppose we do have to celebrate our engagement.”

Sirius stood and held a hand out to Shay. 

“Love, let’s go defile Hogwarts.”


Shay and Sirius walked down the corridors of Hogwarts towards her quarters. Sirius kept on wanting to hold her hand but Shay kept shaking him off. It’s not that she didn’t want to hold Sirius’s hand, but there were students out and about. She didn’t want them to know her personal life.

Sirius and Shay reached the living quarters and dashed through the door quickly.

“I didn’t know that you were that embarrassed of me,” Sirius said as Shay slammed the door shut and locked it.

Shay blushed a little.

I’m not embarrassed, Sirius. I just didn’t want any of those kids to get the wrong idea. Did you see the look Flitwick gave us? I’m sure he’ll tell McGonagall and then I’ll never here the end of it.”

“And then what? Do you think we might get detention?” Sirius said with mock horror.

Shay playfully hit him.

“Don’t give me a hard time for being cautious. This is my job.”

“I’m just having fun Shay. You’re a brilliant professor and you shouldn’t worry about what snot-nosed twerps think of you,” Sirius said and wrapped his arms around her.

Shay buried herself into his arms and took in his scent.

“Now, how about that good time?”



Shay woke up the next morning entangled with Sirius. She hadn’t slept that well since she came to Hogwarts. She guessed that it was because she was truly happy now. She felt complete now that she and Sirius were engaged once again. She felt ready and sure this time around. She was thankful that she let herself give Sirius another chance.

Shay was daydreaming about her coming future when a loud, obnoxious banging on her door startled her.

Shay quickly got dressed and opened the door, only to find Jude Borchardt standing there, fist in mid-knock.

“You better have a good reason to be here,” Shay said and held the door closely to her side.

“I was told to come here by Professor Dumbledore. I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” Jude asked with a smirk.

Shay noticed that he was trying to look over her head into the room. Shay pushed him back into the hall and closed the door behind her.

“You need to come back later. If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it when I say. Come back after dinner.”

“Rumor has it you were being escorted by none other than Sirius Black. That’s not a very good example for the young ones Professor.”

“You’re on thin ice, Mr. Borchardt. The last thing I want to do is take points from Gryffindor,” Shay said sternly.

“Why can’t we just get this over with now? I have plans tonight.”

“This is more important than whatever girl you have on your agenda. Clear your schedule and be at my office by six or I will come find you,” Shay said and left Jude fuming in the hallway.



“You’re late,” Shay said from her desk as Jude came in.

“It’s 6:05. I was hungry,” Jude said nonchalantly as he took a seat in front of her.

“I’m not going to waste my time if you’re not going to care enough to even show up on time.”

“I showed up this morning and you were too busy with your boyfriend. So technically, you’re wasting my time,” Jude said with that smirk that Shay despised.

“I’m going to be honest with you Jude. I don’t understand what Professor Dumbledore sees in you. But the headmaster asked me for this favor, so I’m here. Now let’s start.”


“First off, do you know what occlumency is?” Shay asked while setting up an area for them to practice.

“I’m not daft. It’s protecting your mind from intrusions.”

“Some what. There’s more to it. It’s being constantly vigilant,” Shay cringed when she realized she quoted Mad-Eye, “it’s an art form. I haven’t let down my shield in over a year. Once when you master it, it’s second to breathing. I want you to clear your mind. I’m going to tell you this right now Borchardt. I have no interest in your past. I would love for you to catch on to this right away and never have to think about it again. But that’s not going to happen and I will see your memories. I want to assure you now that nothing leaves this room. Let’s begin. Stand over there,” Shay said and pointed to about ten feet away.

“Ready yourself,” Shay said and took a long look at Jude.

This was the first time that Shay saw him show nervousness. She actually felt for his current predicament.

“Legilimens,” Shay said loudly so Jude knew what was coming.

Shay easily maneuvered her way through his mind. His memories flashed by her quickly. She saw herself in a couple of them in the beginning. She then stumbled upon a sad memory. A girl Shay recognized from one of her classes seemed very distraught in the memory. Shay decided to pull out.

“Didn’t put up much of a fight.”

“Don’t judge me,” Jude said and was very focused on his own shoes.

“On what?” Shay asked.

“Suzanna. I loved her. Nobody understood that. Just because she’s in Slytherin, doesn’t mean that she’s incapable of loving someone else,” Jude explained and Shay could here the defeat in his voice.

“We can’t control who we love. It’s not like you went looking to fall in love with the enemy.”

“She’s not the enemy,” Jude responded sharply, “She’s just confused.”

“They all are Borchardt. Clear your mind and let’s have another go at it. Don’t forget to push back. I’m going easy on you at this point,” Shay said and watched Jude ready himself.

“Ready?” Shay asked.

Jude nodded his head and Shay carried on. Shay was traveling through his memories again. She saw some happy times with Jude and Suzanna. She saw when Jude was sorted into Gryffindor and even when he received his letter. He didn’t seem to mind that Shay was seeing these. It annoyed her more because he was supposed to be fighting. So she dug deeper. That’s when she met Jude’s family. It all seemed perfectly normal. Two loving parents, a nice home. Then Shay saw what seemed to be Jude’s younger brother. That’s when Jude fought back. Shay felt his anger and struggle but wasn’t ready to let up. Shay got to when he was about seven when he finally broke free.

“That was better. But you still let me in for too long. Let’s go again,” Shay said.

Jude started to gather his stuff.

“I’m not doing this anymore. I didn’t sign up for this.”

“Jude, the process takes time. I’m not judging you on any of this. There’s not much to judge about your life,” Shay said, trying to calm him down.

“Just because I wasn’t captured by You-Know-Who doesn’t mean I haven’t had troubles,” Jude stated while heading towards the door.

“I never said that Borchardt. I know it has to do with your brother. We all have issues with our siblings.”

“What would you know about it?” Jude questioned.

“A lot. We can’t control who we’re related to.”

“I’m done with this,” Jude said and swung the door open to leave.

“Mr. Borchardt, I expect to see you the same time next week,” Shay said from the middle of the room.

She didn’t get a response, just a slammed door.

Shay couldn’t help but be curious as to what Jude Borchardt was hiding.


*the plot and OC's belong to me, the rest belongs to J.K.



Shay had her 7th year Defense Against the Dark Arts class at the moment and was waiting for a certain student to enter her classroom. She hadn’t seen Jude Borchardt since their first occlumency lesson almost a week prior. He had missed his first regular lesson of that week and now Shay was starting to worry. She decided to do some investigating. She walked up to Albie Johnson, a 7th year Gryffindor and one of Jude’s closest friends.

“Johnson, talk to me out in the corridor for a bit,” Shay requested and motioned her head to the door.

Albie looked a little concerned but followed Shay despite it.

Shay closed the door as they entered the corridor.

“I haven’t seen Jude since last week. Can you tell me of his where abouts?” Shay asked.

“No, Professor. He hasn’t been around much lately,” Albie said and looked everywhere but Shay.

Shay nodded her head a bit and contemplated the situation for a few seconds.

“All right. Tell Borchardt that if he’s not in my office by 7 o’clock tonight, I’m going to Professor McGonagall. If I go to McGonagall, then that means he won’t play in next week’s quidditch match. And remind Mr. Borchardt that next match is against Slytherin. Maybe that will give some added motivation,” Shay said and she could have sworn Albie went white.

“Head back in. We’re covering advanced disarming spells today.”


It was nearly 8 o’clock and Shay was officially worried. Had she been too hard on him? Had she sent this boy off his rocker? Shay had told herself that she was going to go to McGonagall at 8. What other choice did she have? Shay walked out of her office when she made an interesting discovery. Jude was sitting outside her office and Shay couldn’t tell if he was sleeping or dead. Shay knelt down next to him and poked him in the chest a few times. He stirred a little bit so Shay spoke to him.

“Jude? Jude, wake up. You can’t sleep out in the corridor,” Shay said and watched him wake up.

“Professor Calhoun! Good morning to ya!” Jude said with an excited grogginess.

Shay could smell the whiskey on his breath.

“Borchardt, are you drunk?” Shay asked incredulously.

“Yes, I suppose I am,” Jude responded and seemed perfectly proud of himself.

“Get inside my office before you get yourself expelled, you idiot,” Shay said and pulled him up by his collar.

She pushed him into her office and slammed the door behind her.

“Take a seat,” Shay demanded and guided him towards the chair by the window and opened it to give him some fresh air.

“This is great. I love that we can hang out like this,” Jude said with a sloppy smile and Shay scowled at him.

“I’m going to make some tea and you’re going to drink it. Clear?” Shay said and started the pot.

“Crystal. You look beautiful tonight, Professor,” Jude spilled out stupidly.

“Shut it, Borchardt,” Shay said and sat across from him.

“Where have you been?” Shay asked, getting right down to the point.

“Here…there…everywhere,” Jude replied and laughed at himself.

“Get serious. Johnson must have talked to you. I should still go to Professor McGonagall. This isn’t acceptable behavior for a 7th year and quidditch captain.”

“Please don’t go to McGonagall,” Jude pleaded, finally being serious.

“Then talk to me. What’s been going on with you?” Shay asked and whisked the teapot and cups to the table in the middle.

“I can’t do what you guys ask of me,” Jude shared as Shay handed him a cup of tea.

“What do you mean? The occlumency lessons? Jude, we barely got started with them.”

“I’m not good enough. I’m not you,” Jude said into his cup.

Shay scoffed a little at the statement.

“Could have fooled me. No offense, but you are one of the most arrogant people I have ever met. And I hang out with a lot of big egos,” Shay said with a small smile.

She couldn’t help but to think of Sirius and James.

“You were right when you said you didn’t know what Dumbledore saw in me,” Jude admitted, self-pity oozing from his pores.

“I was just being nasty. I can get that way sometimes. Professor Dumbledore doesn’t waste his time on just anyone,” Shay said and took a sip of her tea but never took her eyes off of Jude.

“I’m a fraud.”

“No, you’re scared little boy.”

That got Jude’s full attention.

“I am not,” Jude said and slammed his cup of tea down.

“It only took one memory to get you this upset. You want to talk about your brother?” Shay asked and moved forward in her seat a little.

“No,” Jude said quickly and crossed his arms over his chest in a huff.

It made him look like a small child.

“He obviously upsets you. This is your chance to get it out so we can carry on.” 

“He doesn’t upset me. I love my brother. I’ve been protecting Thomas his whole life,” Jude said indignantly.

“Why do you protect him?” Shay questioned softly.

She felt like a therapist.

“It’s the way some people treat him. Like he’s less than human or at least my parents feel so.”

“Your parents seemed nice from what I saw.”

“They’re great to me. I get great marks, have respectable friends and I’m a quidditch captain. What’s not to love,” Jude spat bitterly, “My brother’s not so lucky. They practically pretend like he doesn’t exist. It’s not his fault he was born that way.”

“Is your brother a…a…”

“Squib,” Jude interjected.

Shay waited for him to continue.

“If there is a ministry event, they leave him at home and just bring me. Both of my parents work at the ministry and none of their coworkers know about Thomas. I’m no better. I leave him all alone when I come here and only a few of my friends know about him. It’s almost as if I’m ashamed of him too. It makes me sick,” Jude said and was just gazing out the window.

“That’s awful, Jude. It’s a terrible feeling to be rejected by your parents. I’m sure he’s a great kid. But you can’t blame yourself for coming to school and getting an education,” Shay said.

Shay wasn’t sure if she should comfort him or not.

“You don’t understand how he feels. I don’t even understand and I’m there to witness it.”

“My parents were both in Slytherin and supporters of the Dark Lord. I grew up to be a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. How do you think they feel about me?” Shay said with a small smirk.

“That’s why Suzanna broke up with me,” Jude said suddenly.

“What do you mean?”

“When I finally trusted her enough to tell her about Thomas, she dumped me. She told me that she couldn’t be associated with a squib,” Jude finished quietly and Shay felt his misery.

“Then she doesn’t love you. If she did then she wouldn’t care that he is a squib,” Shay said and started to clear the table off.

“It doesn’t mean that I don’t love her.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it too much, Jude. You’re young and there are plenty of fish in the sea,” Shay comforted him with a smile.

"Anyway, I thought you and Matilda Harper had a thing," Shay continued.

"Suzanna was my first real love. Matilda was great but Suzanna was..." Jude didn't finish but Shay understood what he was trying to convey.

“By the way, thanks Professor. Nobody else would do this,” Jude said and helped Shay clear the dishes.

“Don’t mention it. Seriously, don’t. I’d get in a lot of trouble if someone found out about this. It’s like housing a fugitive,” Shay joked and she heard Jude laugh.

When she turned around, he was standing right in front of her.

“Borchardt, what the hell…” Shay got out before Jude went in for the kill.

It took a few seconds for Shay to realize that Jude was kissing her. She was absolutely flabbergasted.

“This can’t happen!” Shay exclaimed as she pushed Jude away.

“I think you’re extravagant,” Jude practically whispered.

“I’m your professor, Borchardt and you’re drunk. You will regret this in the morning.”

“No I won’t,” Jude said and shook his head.

He wouldn’t break eye contact with Shay.

“Not to mention that I’m engaged,” Shay said and flashed her ring in front of his face.

This seemed to really bother him.

“Why?” was all he could muster up.

“Because I love someone who loves me back. I think it’s time for you to go back to your dormitory,” Shay said and kindly put a hand on his shoulder.

She felt as if she just broke his heart. Jude looked a little defeated as Shay escorted him towards the door.

“Do you hate me?” Jude questioned as Shay opened the door.

“No, Jude. I don’t hate you. Now go to bed and make sure you show up to class on Monday,” Shay said with a small smile.

Jude nodded his head and began his walk back to his dormitory. Shay closed the door behind her and wondered what the hell just happened.



Shay didn’t know what to do with herself after what happened with Jude, but she could only think of one person at the moment. Shay decided to floo to Sirius’s cottage, even though it was almost midnight and she had to teach class in the morning.

Shay arrived in the living room and was greeted by Jack, who was surprised to see his long lost owner.

“Hey buddy,” Shay said and knelt down to pet him, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Shay gave him a kiss on top of the head and continued on to Sirius’s bedroom. Shay slowly opened the door and peeked in. Sirius was fast asleep. Although Shay was happy that she could surprise him, all she could think about was how easy it would be for a Death Eater to off him at that very moment.

Shay approached the bed slowly and gently sat next to Sirius. He must have been in a deep sleep because he didn’t move an inch.

“Sirius,” Shay said softly and began to shake the sleeping man.

“Sirius, wake up,” Shay said a little louder.

Still, there was nothing.

“Sirius!” Shay shouted and Sirius shot up with a look that made Shay lose herself in laughter.

“Merlin, Shay. You almost scared me to death,” Sirius said, out of breath and still a bit frightened.

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to surprise you,” Shay said and ran her fingers through his hair.

“You’re quite the sound sleeper,” Shay said with a worried smiled.

“Don’t worry about my sleeping habits, Shay. It’s the last thing you need to distract yourself with,” Sirius said and laid back down.

“Can I join you?” Shay asked.

“Of course,” Sirius replied and shifted the blankets for her.

“What brings you here at this time of night?” Sirius asked as he settled behind Shay.

He loved how she fit perfectly with him. 

“Weird night at Hogwarts,” Shay said with a distant laugh.

“What happened? Is Snivellus giving you a hard time?” Sirius asked and rested his chin on her shoulder.

“No, Sirius. Severus hasn’t talked to me since you offended him. It’s a student.”

“What’s the problem?” Sirius asked.

“You remember that 7th year I was telling you about? Jude Borchardt?” Shay questioned slowly.

“Yea, he’s the git that’s giving you a hard time with it.”

“He kissed me,” Shay blurted out and waited for Sirius’s reaction.

There was none.

Shay rolled over to face Sirius. He looked none too pleased.

“He was drunk and spilling his guts to me and he must have gotten caught up in the moment. I stopped it right away and told him it wasn’t okay. I just wanted to tell you because I thought you should know,” Shay rambled on, still waiting for Sirius’s reaction.

“Well, I guess I can’t be mad at you over some horny teenage hormones,” Sirius said with a somewhat bitter smile.

“I really don’t think he meant it. We all do stupid things when we’re drunk. I just hope it’s not too awkward during our next occlumency lesson,” Shay said and thought about the information Jude had shared with her that night.

It made her unbelievably sad.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Sirius said and enveloped Shay, noticing her discomfort.

Shay realized that Sirius was falling back asleep but she couldn’t stop thinking about Jude’s brother. Shay turned her back to Sirius because she felt tears coming on. It made her a wreck to think about how a parent could be so cruel to their own child, when that child can’t control something like being a squib.

Sirius was awoken by Shay shaking in his arms.

“Are you cold?” Sirius asked but got no reply.

He rose above her to see her face and saw the tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Shay I’m not at all upset about the kiss. Really, I’m not,” Sirius said with a concerned tone.

“No it’s not that,” Shay said and wiped her face with the back of her hand. 

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t understand why terrible people are allowed to keep their children. What did we do to deserve losing ours?” Shay asked and started to cry harder.

Sirius was taken aback by the sudden turn of topic.

“I wish I could answer that for you. Somebody decided it was their right to take it into their own hands. If we lived in a different world, we would still have Cillian.”

“I really miss him, Sirius,” Shay sobbed.

Sirius couldn’t help but feel upset with her. He pulled her closer into himself and rested his mouth on the nook of neck.

Some moments couldn’t be fixed with words.



“Good. You’re finally on time,” Shay said with a tight smile to Jude as he entered her office.

“I finally learned how to read a clock,” Jude said with a smirk, trying to break the ice.

This was the first occlumency lesson since he had kissed her.

“I have something special planned for today,” Shay said and traveled to her closet as Jude approached her desk.

“Special?” Jude questioned and looked a bit surprised.

“Do you know what this is?” Shay asked as she rolled out a large basin.

“A pensieve?” Jude seemed to be questioning the object’s presence more than anything.

“Correct, you are.”

“Why do you have a pensieve?” Jude asked from his chair.

“There are a lot of memories that I just do not want floating around my head on a daily basis. Professor Dumbledore gave it to me when I get my memory back,” Shay said and smiled fondly, thinking of the old wizard.

“You lost your memory?”

“I suppose I never got into that in class. Yes, I did. After I was rescued I woke up with no recollection of who I was. So after a half a year of torture, I had no clue that it actually happened. It’s not as pleasant as some would think. It’s very terrifying not knowing who you are,” Shay said while admiring the ghostly colors of her memories lurking in the pensieve.

“What does this have to do with me?”

“I want to show you why you need to learn Occlumency. It saved my life and in the future, it could save your own,” Shay said and motioned for him to stand next to her.

Jude looked a little apprehensive as he walked towards his professor.

“I just need to remind you that these are only memories, things that have already happened. You can’t change what’s going on. You are practically a ghost when you enter, which also means that nothing can physically hurt you,” Shay said while pulling up her needed memory.

“Are you going as well,” Jude asked, his eyes blazing with anxiety.

“If you want me to,” Shay replied and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

He tensed up a bit and Shay remembered the kiss and quickly took her hand off.

“It’s ready when you are, Jude,” Shay said, giving Jude his queue to submerge himself.

Shay watched as her student was quickly engulfed by the pensieve. Shay followed suit.


Shay appeared next to Jude in a dimly lit dungeon. Shay’s heartbeat couldn’t help but rise when she entered that awful room once again.

“Is that…?” Jude couldn’t seem to finish his thought.

“Lord Voldemort. He’s a frightening figure the first time you see him. Unfortunately, most people only see him once before they die. They don’t have the time to realize that he’s only just a man. Barely.”

“Why are we here?” Jude asked and Shay could see him clamming up.

“You need to see this Jude. I don’t know how else to motivate you. Follow me,” Shay said and walked over to Voldemort’s chair.

The pair stood besides the chair and laid their eyes on none other than Shay herself.

“By this time, I had been here for at least three months. A few times a week, Voldemort would try to penetrate my mind to get information. The days that didn’t happen, he had his followers torture me mercilessly,” Shay explained.

Shay couldn’t take her eyes off the beaten woman kneeling in front of her. She had never seen these events from this angle; however, she felt an ultimate connection to her former self.

“You look tired today, Shay,” Voldemort spoke to the Shay kneeling in front of him.

She did not answer.

Jude’s eyes went wide at the sound of Voldemort’s voice.

“I hope my loyal Death Eaters are not treating you too harshly. Some times they just don’t know how to treat a guest.”

Voldemort’s words got a round of sniggers from the circle of Death Eaters.

Shay still kept silent.

“Cat got your tongue? Or should I say Lucius?” Voldemort asked and received another round of laughter, more raucous this time.

“It’s not any fun if you don’t play along, Shay,” Voldemort said in an almost pleasant tone and leaned towards the memory of Shay.

“Just get it over with already,” Shay mumbled, nearly inaudible.

Shay remembered this. She had been starved and could barely keep her head up. This was one of the times Shay nearly cracked.

“You’re all business, Miss Calhoun. What’s life without a little fun? These people around you work very hard. They deserve a bit of a show.”

“They deserve to rot in Azkaban,” Shay muttered.

Jude looked at the present-day Shay with astonishment.

“I was never good at keeping my mouth shut,” Shay explained to him.

“That’s not a very nice thing to say. Apologize,” Voldemort demanded.

When Shay did nothing of the sort, Voldemort hit her with a Cruciatus curse.

“Because my mind was so protected, Voldemort couldn’t use the Imperius curse on me. So he used the Cruciatus to get his way most of the time. I’m proud to say that it rarely ever worked,” Shay said to Jude as she watched him go white at the scene in front of him.

The pair watched the memory of Shay writhe with pain on the dungeon floor. Jude tried looking away but Shay immediately corrected him.

“You need to see this,” was all she said.

“Your life would be so much easier if you would comply, Shay,” Voldemort spoke again.

“That old buffoon Dumbledore hasn’t taught you much but how to get yourself killed. Let me show you the right way, Shay. I can promise you greatness. Eternal glory.”

“I’d rather die,” Shay spoke evenly after recovering from the Cruciatus curse. 

“You’re a silly girl. Your pride a disillusioning your future.”

Voldemort hit her with another Cruciatus curse. The dungeon echoed with her screams. Then Shay went still.

Shay watched Jude’s worry etch his face.

“He’s using Legilimency on me. This is what kept me alive,” Shay explained.

“What do you mean?”

“He couldn’t reach into my mind. Not an inch,” Shay said with pride for herself.

“I can’t watch this anymore,” Jude said with a wavering voice as Voldemort hit Shay with a particularly strong Cruciatus curse after she pushed him out of her mind.

“All right, I think you got the point,” Shay said and pulled herself and Jude out of the memory.


“Sit down and have a bit of chocolate. It will get rid of the queasiness,” Shay said and pulled out a small Honeydukes bar.

Jude looked thankful and took a load off.

“It only got worse, didn’t it?” Jude asked after taking a few bites.

“Yes, but I knew I was getting out of there. It gave me something to hang on too. But like I said, what kept me alive was the fact that I wouldn’t let him in. Jude this ability didn’t come to me over night. Yes, it helps to have some natural ability but that only goes so far. I practiced all the time because I knew it would be useful one day. It’s just very important that you try, Jude.”

“I would never be able to hold out against You-Know-Who,” Jude said.

“But you would probably be able to hold out against a Death Eater. You have more of a chance of running into one of them.”

“You must be an incredibly strong witch, holding your own with You-Know-Who. I don’t know why you’re not working for the Ministry.”

“The Ministry is soiled with Death Eaters. I’m safe here at the moment,” Shay said with a small smile.

Jude looked as if he had something to say but wasn’t sure to speak on it.

“Professor, about the other night…” Jude started but Shay quickly interrupted him.

“Don’t mention it. Let’s just pretend like it never happened.”

“I meant what I said though.”

“What?” Shay asked uncomfortably.

“That I think you’re extravagant,” Jude said with a pleasant, yet slightly embarrassed smile.

“This conversation isn’t appropriate, Jude.”

“I know, I know. I guess I just want to thank you for dealing with me,” Jude finished and went a little red.

“It’s what the headmaster wanted. I honestly hope that you don’t have to use any of this. I hope the war is over by the time you graduate, but the Order isn’t exactly on the winning side of things at the moment,” Shay said and took a seat behind her desk.

“Do you regret joining, taking into fact all the people you have lost?” Jude asked slowly.

Shay stared at him with confliction for a minute. She didn’t want to persuade him either way. It was an individual choice he was going to have to make.

“No, Jude, I don’t regret it and I never will.”

Chapter 21: Autumn Anger
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*the plot and the OC's belong to me, the rest belongs to J.K.


“Remus! It’s been forever!” Shay exclaimed as she saw Remus sitting at a booth in the Three Broomsticks.

“Shay, it’s great to see you,” Remus said with a large smile and stood, waiting for Shay to reach him.

Shay hugged him tightly and then gave him a once over.

“You look good, Rem,” Shay complimented as the pair sat down.

 “The same to you, Shay. I’ve been missing your company at headquarters.”

 “How is everything there? I obviously haven’t had much time to go,” Shay asked and her eyes filled with concern.

 “It’s not good, Shay. There aren’t too many of us left. Did you hear about Gideon and Fabian?” Remus asked sadly.

 “Minerva told me. It’s awful. She did tell me that they took a few of those bastards with them,” Shay said with a proud grin.

“It took five Death Eaters to take them down. I was with Albus when he broke the news to their family. Their poor sister just had a baby girl not too long ago and then she gets horrific news like that,” Remus said solemnly.

 “Another? I believe that’s seven now. That woman is either a saint or insane. I can’t decide,” Shay said with a small chuckle.

Remus smiled back at her.

“How’s the teaching coming along? Albus informed me that he gave you a special project.”

“A project, indeed. I’m attempting to teach a 7th year Gryffindor occluemcy. It’s starting to come along. He’s beginning to work hard at it now that he got his first taste of success. And teaching has really been great. It feels right. At least for now it does.”

“You seem happy,” Remus stated and took a sip of his drink.

“I am. How about you? Have you met anyone? Not that you have a lot of time to at the moment.”

“I’m not particularly on the market at the present. I’m not exactly on a streak,” Remus finished with a hint of bitterness.

“Any girl would be lucky to have you,” Shay said and placed her hand on his own.

Remus glanced down at Shay’s hand and saw a sparkle coming off her finger.

“There’s a rumor around headquarters that this happened. Supposedly Sirius told Frank and Alice. So I figured it must have been true,” Remus blankly stated.

“I wanted to tell you in person,” Shay replied softly.

She took her hand away from Remus, not wanting to flaunt what was obviously upsetting him.

“When did it happen?”

“The beginning on October. I actually proposed to him in the booth behind us,” Shay explained and motioned back with her thumb.

“That information stings a little,” Remus grimaced.

“I’m sorry. You know that it’s not my intention to ever hurt you.”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m happy that you’re happy. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m not going to, Remus. It feels right this time around. I wouldn’t have proposed if it didn’t. Once when the war is over, Sirius will come around to realize that he’s been a raging arse to you. James, Lily and Harry will come out of hiding and Peter won’t be stuck in the middle of things anymore. Things will start to return to the way they used to be,” Shay said hopefully.

“Your delusions of granger are amusing,” Remus said with a half-hearted smile, “Speaking of Peter, has he been in touch with you lately? I haven’t seen him around headquarters in about a week. I still worry about him after he lost Alana.”

“No. I owled him a week or two ago and now that I think about it I never got a response. That’s not like Peter. I hope he’s feeling all right. I’ll ask Sirius. Peter’s always been close with him,” Shay said with a furrowed brow.

“I’ve been thinking about our school days a lot lately. I’m not one for living in the past but I can’t help to think about how different our lives used to be,” Remus reminisced.

“I’ll be the first one to admit that I miss being that young and carefree. We got away with a lot of stuff back then. My students can’t get anything past me,” Shay smiled.

“I think sixth year was my favorite. I think it’s the only time that Sirius and James were envious of me. I had finally snagged the girl I’d been after and she loved me. Those two hadn’t succeeded yet,” Remus said with a fond smile.

“Sixth year was great. Lily finally found it somewhat bearable to hang out with James so it was so much easier spending time with everyone. Niki and I were finally friends again and sixth year is such a knock off year anyways. I hate to admit it but we all ruled that school. I had anything I wanted while I was there. Life was so easy. I think of the students I have now and I feel sad because they’re going to lose that security and enter this harsh world that just seems to take everything away.”

“It’ll change eventually. It may not seem like we’re winning right now but I can’t foresee You-Know-Who taking over while Albus Dumbledore is still around,” Remus assured.

“Cheers to Albus Dumbledore, to those who have fallen, and those who still fight,” Shay said and lifted her glass.




It was unusually warm for a late October day and Hogwarts was soaking in the sun. Most students ate lunch as fast as possible to enjoy as much of the weather as possible. This left only a few dawdling students and most of the teaching staff in the Great Hall.

“Brilliant day, isn’t it?” Shay asked Severus who was sitting to her left.

“It just makes the students think that they can get away with no good,” Severus replied, scowling at his candied yams.

“Merlin, Sev. You act like a 100 year old sour puss,” Shay said and shook her head with semi-annoyance.

Severus clenched his fist a little and continued his staring contest with his food.

“What’s eating you? You’re not your chipper self.”

“Her,” Severus growled and glared at Sybil Trelawney.

“Oh,” Shay said and looked between Severus and Sybil, “Did she do something to you, besides being her crazy loon self?”

“Every time I pass her, she starts muttering about that Grim rubbish.”

“She does the same to me. I’m glad we finally see eye to eye on one person,” Shay said and helped Severus glare at her.

Shay didn’t like Trelawney because she told the prophecy that put Lily, James and Harry in danger.

“I still can’t believe that Dumbledore gave her a job. All because of one prophecy and some luck timing,” Severus admitted.

Shay was about to reply when she realized what Severus had revealed to her.

“What did you just say?” Shay asked slowly.

Severus looked like there was a chance he might run for it before the storm could approach. He decided to be a man about it.

“Can we talk somewhere private?”


Shay and Severus entered her office and she shut the door and quickly turned on him.

“How do you know? Do you know who the spy is?”

“No, how many times do I have to tell you I don’t know who the spy in the Order is? It’s something else. I wanted to tell you weeks ago but then Black interrupted it,” Severus explained and started a nervous sweat.

“Just tell me,” Shay said dangerously.

“Dumbledore was holding interviews for open teaching positions at the Leaky Cauldron. Trelawney was before me and I was waiting outside the door when she told the prophecy. I…I didn’t mean to,” Severus stammered and was incessantly wringing his hands.

Shay had never seen him act like this and it only made her more upset.

“What did you do?” Shay demanded to know.

“Shay, you have to believe me when I tell you that I had no idea who the prophecy was about. At the time, I thought it was my duty to inform the Dark Lord. When he targeted Lily, I went to Dumbledore. I begged for him to save her. Shay, the last thing I would want is for anything to hurt Lily.”

“And what about James and Harry? Did you think that Lily would love you because you convinced Voldemort to spare her?” Shay fired at him.

“They’re all safe right now,” Severus argued.

“I have nightmares about receiving that owl that tells me my friends are dead. And you’re to blame?! Is that why you saved me? To rid yourself of guilt?” Shay interrogated, tears now steadily streaming down her face.

“No, it wasn’t like that,” Severus tried to explain but Shay wasn’t having it.

“Don’t lie to me! You hate me, you hate James. You hate a one year old child because of his parentage. You only love yourself and Lily Potter. Well, news flash Severus, she hates you. Lily hasn’t spoken a word about you since 5th year. You are NOTHING to her. Yet you still manage to put her life at risk.”

Shay was shouting at this point. Half of the castle would have heard if Shay didn’t always have the Muffliato spell on her office.

“All I can do is apologize,” Severus spoke in almost a whisper.

“And that will never be enough. Don’t think that helping Courtlyn save me makes you any better of a person. I’d rather be rotting in that dungeon than grant you any relief from the guilt I hope you carry around for the rest of your days.”

Shay was shaking with anger and her stomach was churning wildly. Severus couldn’t look at Shay, let alone defend himself.

“Get out! I can’t even look at you anymore,” Shay yelled with disgust.

“I’m sor…”

Shay literally slapped the words out of Severus’s mouth. The stinging noise echoed in the room.

“You don’t get to apologize. Get out! Get out of my sight!” Shay screamed and started pushing him out of the room.

Severus went without much of a fight. Shay was so hasty about getting Severus out that she nearly slammed his nose in the door.

Shay completely lost it as soon as she was by herself. She had genuinely believed that Severus was trying to make a better life for himself and he learned from his mistakes. But Shay was wrong about him. He was no better than the rest of her family. He was no better than Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix Lestrange or Voldemort himself. Shay was now convinced of what she always suspected. Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater. There’s no going back when you sell your soul to the devil.



“How could you?” Shay let out as soon as she entered Dumbledore’s office.

“I see that you’re upset,” Dumbledore commented.

“How could you stand by and let Snape endanger the lives of the Potters?”

“What could I have done, Shay?” Dumbledore asked calmly.

“You know everything. You had to have known that Snape overheard the prophecy. You had to have known,” Shay cried and paced around the office.

“The Potters are safe for the time being. I cannot fix everything, Shay. Many people seem to think I can.”

Dumbledore’s tranquility was infuriating Shay even more.

“And then you go and employ him. Reward him for terrible behavior. It’s insane!” Shay yelled.

“Severus Snape is risking his life to help the Order. Severus came to me in order to help save Lily and in exchange he is now a spy for us.”

Shay stopped pacing and stared daggers at the man she admired so much.

“Don’t you ever get sick of using people?”

Dumbledore didn’t say anything and waited for Shay to air her grievances.

“You’re using the Potters as bait, Severus as a rat, you’re using the entire Order as toy soldiers and half the Order is dead now. And you’re just using me as a tool. I follow you blindly because in my eyes, you have never been wrong before. Unfortunately, I think I was wrong,” Shay said and said in front of her boss.

“I understand why you are upset, Shay. I completely do. The Potters are your family and naturally, you are worried about them. Maybe I should have handled the situation differently but everything is going to happen for a reason Shay. You shouldn’t worry about what has already happened. You are finally moving on in your own life and believe it or not, I am very pleased for you. You make me so proud in how far you have come since you first walked through the doors of Hogwarts. You are one of the most powerful witches I have ever met in my long life and I’m thankful to have you as a colleague and I couldn’t be happier to have you in my corner,” Dumbledore spoke with a peaceful admiration.

“Don’t butter me up, Albus. I have every right to be mad at you.”

Shay couldn’t help but be calmed by Dumbledore’s words.

“I’m fine with you being mad at me. I feel that not enough people are. It’s quite refreshing,” Dumbledore responded with a small smile.

“You have a gift, Albus. You should bottle up that magic and make a profit off it. People would pay galleons to get out of sticky situations. I do want to make it clear that I don’t want to be associated with Snape anymore though.”

“Shay, you are a forgiving person. You will forgive Severus one day. You may not want to but you know as well as I do, that you can’t help yourself.”

“I tried giving Severus a chance. He is family after all. But he’s proven himself time and time again to be a terrible person,” Shay stated.

“Even though he risked his own life to save yours?”

“He did it for purely selfish reasons,” Shay answered quickly.

“Does he not get the chance to redeem himself?” Dumbledore questioned.

“What he did could get them killed. Why can’t you understand that?”

Dumbledore could only see anguish in Shay’s eyes at the moment.

“If the Potters die, we cannot blame anyone but the man who did it himself. They are being protected by people that love them and that’s the best that I could offer. These are trying times, Shay. We must stand united and that now includes Severus.”

“But what if they die, Albus? I can’t help but think about what happens if they die.”

“If the unthinkable happens, then we mourn them but still carry on. Shay, I don’t mean to be insensitive but you’ve lost a brother and a son. Does it get any harder to bear than that?” Dumbledore asked cautiously.

Shay was silent. She rested her hand gently on the side of her face and stared out the window.

“I have over stepped my bounds,” Dumbledore said apologetically.

“No,” Shay replied and waved her hand at him, “Death has never gotten easier. Haven’t you ever lost someone you irrevocably cared about?”

Dumbledore didn’t answer but Shay took his silence as a confirmation.

“Then you know that you never fully move on. It’s just that some days hurt more than others. I don’t want anymore of that pain. I don’t want the Potters to be casualties of this war.”

“It doesn’t do to dwell on things we can’t control. There’s a quote I like to remember when we lose someone. ‘Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once.’”

Shay rested her head on her fist and smirked at him.

“You didn’t come up with that yourself?”

“I picked it up from a muggle play I saw about 70 years ago. Absolutely fascinating how imaginative muggles can be. I’ve always meant to see another one but it’s quite hard for me to go into the muggle world unnoticed,” Albus said with a smile and a glimmer in his blue eyes.

“Thank you for talking me down, Albus. I hate to admit it but I just get overwhelmingly frightened sometimes. I’ll let you get on with your day now,” Shay said and got up from her chair.

“We all get frightened sometimes. I hope to see you tomorrow at the Halloween Fest. My costume is going to be spectacular.”

Shay turned and smiled before exiting the room.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Chapter 22: In the Dead of the Night
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*the plot and OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.



“Isn’t he adorable?”

Lily was holding a sad-looking Harry. She had dressed him in a light brown bear costume for Halloween.

“Lily, he looks miserable. I think you forgot that he’s a boy,” James commented from the windowsill he was perched upon.

“But it’s so cute. I won’t be able to get him in stuff like this soon. Let me have this one day,” Lily begged and gave Harry a little squeeze.

“You’re not going to take any pictures of him, are you? He’ll get a complex and end up hating us in the future,” James said with a small grin.

Lily pulled a look at James and set Harry down.

“Bad,” Harry yelled and ran over to James.

“The boy has spoken,” James said with a shrug and picked up Harry.

“The woes of being out numbered,” Lily said and folded her arms across her chest.

“We could change that,” James suggested with lust in his eyes.


“Just imagine how perfect our little girl would be. Your brains, my good looks,” James joked and approached Lily.

She couldn’t help but smile.

“You’re too much sometimes.”

“But having a daughter would complete our family. We would be perfect,” James said and brushed a few strands of hair out of her face.

“Far from. We’ve talked about this James. It’s not smart for us to have another child until after the war is over.”

“We had Harry,” James stated the obvious.

“And Harry wasn’t exactly planned.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s nothing but a fact, James,” Lily piped with resonating annoyance.

“I don’t know why you’re making me the villain. Wanting another child is not a bad thing,” James defended.

“I’m not vilifying you.”

“Not intentionally.”

“I don’t want to argue in front of Harry,” Lily replied, exasperated.

“Then when would we do this, Lily? You never let Harry out of your sight,” James aggressed.

“Can you blame me?”

Lily’s hands were accentuating her every word.

“Yes! Do you see me acting like that?” James projected.

Lily’s jaw clenched and her fists went to her sides.

“Sometimes the worst part of being stuck in this house, is that I can’t properly storm out on you,” Lily hissed and stomped down the hallway towards the bedroom.

James cringed as Lily slammed the door.

“Sorry you had to hear that,” James apologized to Harry, who was lazily resting his head on James’s shoulder.


James put Harry in his room and headed to his own bedroom. He opened the door and found Lily sitting on the edge of the bed, staring out the window.

“I’m sorry,” James said and positioned himself next to his wife.

“For what?” she asked stiffly.

“For being insensitive. It’s always been a problem of mine, you should remember,” James said with a nudge and a small smile.

“James, would you let me know if you had regrets?”

“What do you mean?”

“If you had married someone else, fell in love with someone else, your life would be so much different. It would be so much better,” Lily spoke, her face felt heavy with oncoming tears.

“Yea, my life would be completely different,” James said with a small nod.

Lily looked at him with confusion and hurt.

“I wouldn’t be here. I’d probably be dating some full blood that has no real interest in me except for my name and reputation. I’d most likely be a leech on my friends because we all know that I can’t fully take care of myself,” Lily chuckled at that, “I wouldn’t have Harry, who means the sun and the moon to me. But most of all, I would have never met the love of my life. What a miserable, pathetic existence I would have.”

“You could never be miserable or pathetic. It’s just not a part of your genetic makeup,” Lily said with an impish grin.

“I think you called me both of those things and many more during school. If I think about it, you were a bully to me,” James joked and wrapped an arm around Lily and pulled her close.

“And yet you’ve loved me unconditionally,” Lily whispered and buried herself into his side.

“Since I was eleven.”

“James, I want nothing more than to have another child with you but it’s just not the right time. I don’t feel right about bringing another child into such an uncertain situation.”

“I know you’re right Lily. It’s just hard to take sometimes, knowing that I’m not totally in control of my own life.”

“Everything we do is for Harry. I hope there is a return to normalcy soon but I’m prepared to stay hidden for as long as it takes as long as it keeps our son safe,” Lily quietly stated and James pulled her in tighter.

“Enough of this talk. It’s Halloween! And I believe you promised me that you would make those delicious pumpkin cookies,” James said and stood in front of Lily, holding a hand out for her.

“Only if you cook me an outstanding dinner,” Lily replied and took James’s hand.

He pulled her up, and then gave her a look of mock offense.

“Do I look like a house elf to you?” James questioned, his nose in the air.

“My father made dinner for my mum all the time,” Lily informed him and playfully poked his chest a few times.

“Well that just proves that your father was a better man than me,” James said with a broad smile, knowing Lily would like the kind words about her father.

“Don’t sell yourself short, James Potter. You’re the best man I know.”




I hope your week has gone on grandly. Mine has been testing but it could always be worse. I’m writing you to see if you have heard from Peter lately. Remus and I were reminiscing the other day and realized that neither of us had heard from him in ages. I was wondering if you know that he’s all right. We’re starting to worry about him. Let me know if you hear anything and I can’t wait to see you on Sunday.




Sirius set the letter from Shay down on the counter. He hadn’t heard from Peter and that worried him. The only thing he could think of is that the Death Eaters got to Peter. It chilled Sirius to the bone. He looked at the clock and realized that it wasn’t too late to check on Peter. Sirius grabbed his coat and headed out to his motorcycle.

Sirius landed in the alley behind Peter’s flat and immediately did a warming spell on his face. The wind was so cold it burned his skin. Sirius thought it was so unusual that the entire week was beautiful weather but the climate changed so quickly. Sirius briskly walked down the alley and reached Peter’s sad looking chipped front door and started knocking heavily.

“Wormtail?” Sirius called through the door.

As the seconds ticked by Sirius’s knocking became faster and his calls more frantic. After about three minutes, Sirius stepped back and blew the door open. The flat was void of life. It was bachelor pad messy but there wasn’t any sign of a struggle. Sirius cautiously stepped through the home looking for any clues. There was no reason as to why Peter wouldn’t be home. Sirius knew that Peter wasn’t at headquarters and he hadn’t been visiting his mother just to keep her safe.

Sirius examined the flat more and noticed something startling. There was an empty frame sitting on Peter’s mantle. Sirius remembered that it was Peter’s favorite picture of Alana. Sirius’s stomach dropped. Peter wouldn’t have taken that photo unless he was going somewhere. Sirius couldn’t help but think of the Potters. Sirius couldn’t help but think the worst.



“Ready Harry? Watch this,” James said excitedly and sent sprouts of lights from his wand.

Harry laughed manically and clapped.

“More!” Harry demanded through his laughter.

James, who was lying in the middle of Harry’s room, was laughing at his child’s enchantment with such simple things.

Next, James sent a stream of bubbles circling around Harry’s room. Harry, of course, began to chase them as quickly as his unsure legs would let him.

“James, don’t get him too riled up. He has to go to bed soon,” Lily called from the den, where she was snuggled up with a book.

The boys paid no attention and kept on playing. This time, James sent his stag patronus veering out of his wand. The animal leapt around the room and headed down the hallway towards Lily.


“Sorry Lily. We’ll settle down a bit,” James hollered back.

“No, James. Come out here,” Lily called, her voice sounded tight.

James got up quickly and picked up Harry, who looked intrigued and wandered down the hallway.

“What’s the matter?” he asked casually.

He entered the room to find Lily about a yard away from the front window and she was shaking.

“What?” James asked with concern and stepped next to her.

He nearly dropped Harry from the shock.

“Lily, take Harry and go! It’s him! Go! Run! I’ll hold him off!” James shouted and handed a now crying Harry to his mother.

Lily had tears streaming down her face and looked at James with pure terror in her eyes.

“James…” she tried to get out all the right words but nothing worked.

“Just go!” he yelled and pushed them towards the hall.

“I love you. I love both of you very much. Just go in Harry’s room. Keep him safe,” James said quickly and Lily could hear the quiver in his voice.

She still couldn’t convey words. She nodded her head and held Harry close. She ran into his bedroom and slammed the door behind her.

Before James could even turn around, the front door was blown to bits. James shielded himself from the shrapnel and went for his wand. However, he discovered that he had left it in Harry’s room.

James took a deep breath and stood up as straight as he could. He saw a dark, cloaked figure in front of him. The man dropped his hood and revealed a bald, pale white head and a snake like face. In that very moment James could only think of his wife and son and how he was going to miss them very much.

“James Potter. We finally meet,” the voice slithered out.

It was more chilling than James had expected. However, James stood tall and stoic and showed no fear.

“I’ve been searching for you for such a long time.”

“AVADA KEDAVRA!” Voldemort shouted out.

James got in one last breath and one last thought of the spectacular life he had led before the green light hit his defenseless body.

James Potter was no more.


Lily heard Lord Voldemort spew the unforgivable curse and she felt as if her heart had exploded. James, her James, was dead. Lily didn’t have to see it to believe it. She fell to her knees and sobbed so hard she felt as if her ribs were going to crack. She had never felt pain like that. She picked up James’s wand that was inconveniently on Harry’s floor and held it close to her chest. She was devastated. She could barely move, barely think. Harry was in his crib, howling at the confounding chaos around him.

Lily heard him coming. She pulled herself over to Harry and held him one more time. She squeezed him, kissed him on the head and told him everything was going to be all right. It was the only time she had ever lied to her child.

The door burst open and a horrific chill entered the room. Lily put Harry back in his crib and whipped around, keeping herself in front of Harry at all times.

“Step aside,” Voldemort demanded as he pointed his wand directly at Lily’s chest.

“No! Please…he’s just a baby. Spare him! Kill me!” Lily screamed, her face soaked with warm tears.

“But I promised I wouldn’t,” Voldemort drawled mockingly.

“If you have one ounce of soul you will spare my child,” Lily begged and held on firmly to the edge of Harry’s crib.

“Move aside,” Voldemort said dangerously slow.



Lily Potter, extraordinary mother, wife, sister and friend, had met the same fate as her husband that night.



Sirius saw the Potter’s house in Godric’s Hollow before he even landed his bike. His lungs seemed to stop working and he nearly crashed his motorcycle. The house was in ruins. Nearly half of it was blown to pieces.

Sirius immediately dropped to his knees on the front lawn and took in the sight before him. His friends were in there. Their baby was in there. Sirius had no choice but to be sick.

He shakily got to his feet, tears steadily streaming down his face. He made his way towards the house when Rubeus Hagrid seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

“Sirius. How’d ya find out?” Hagrid asked, surprised to see another living person there.

“They’re all dead,” was all Sirius could croak out.

He could barely see, his eyes were so blurry with tears.

“It’s a damn shame. Such good, kind people,” Hagrid blubbered and Sirius heard him loudly blow his nose in a handkerchief.

“Hagrid, why…?”

“Albus Dumbledore sent me here to pick up the boy,” Hagrid answered Sirius’s question.

Sirius took a minute to process what Hagrid had just said.

“What? There’s no way…”

“Ya didn’t hear ‘bout that part? Harry Potter defeated You-Know-Who,” Hagrid stated with deep pride.

“How? He’s a one year old child,” Sirius said in a state of shock.

His godson was still alive.

“Well, I can’t explain that. I don’t think anyone can.”

“Let me take him,” Sirius said immediately.

“Sorry Sirius. Can’t let ya do that. Dumbledore’s orders.”

“Please Hagrid, he’s my godson,” Sirius plead.

“I’m sorry. I can’t. Dumbledore told me to take ‘em to his aunt’s in Little Whinging, Surrey,” Hagrid answered solemnly.

Sirius swallowed hard. He couldn’t believe that Harry James Potter was still alive. He didn’t want to believe that Lily and James were dead.

“Take my motorcycle,” Sirius said and handed Hagrid the keys.

“No, it’s yours.”

“I want you to make sure Harry is safe. Shay has already put every safety charm there is on the damn thing. Please, it’s the least I can do,” Sirius said and continuously wiped tears off his face.

“A’right,” Hagrid said with a small nod.

Sirius began to walk away.

“I’ll git your bike back as soon as I’m done,” Hagrid hollered after him.

“Don’t worry about it. I won’t be needing it anymore,” Sirius said with a dead stare and kept his forward motion.

Sirius had a rat to deal with.



“Remus,” Shay spoke breathlessly as the duo surveyed the damage that was around them.

“I can’t believe this happened,” he said and tried to inconspicuously wipe a tear away with his sleeve.

Shay was letting hers fall freely.

“I can’t take it. I can’t take the fact that both of them are gone. They’re both dead and we’ll never see them again,” Shay quivered out and wrapped her arms around herself tightly.

“But we still have Harry. He lived. He’s the boy that lived,” Remus said with a somewhat bitter smile.

“No, Harry is with Petunia. Do you really think she’ll let us anywhere near him?” Shay fired with a seeping anger that she had acquired since she arrived at the house.

“But he’s alive. What more could we want?”

“Our friends,” Shay whispered and let out a quiet sob.

“What about Sirius? What’s going to happen with him?” Remus asked cautiously.

“What about Sirius? Sirius is a murderer and he’s going to go to Azka…” Shay breath caught in her throat before she could finish the sentence.

She let out a hard sob and fell back against the wall.

“I thought if anyone could keep Lily and James safe, it would be Sirius. And then what he did to Peter…I thought I knew him,” Remus finished, his skin was a ghastly color.

“I loved him, Remus. I loved him so much,” Shay cried, “But I hate him now. It’s too much for me to handle.”

Remus stood in the middle of the room and wasn’t sure how to console Shay.

“He has taken everything from me.”

“Who has?” Remus asked.

“Sirius. It makes me sick to think about him,” Shay shook.

“You have me, Shay. You’ll always have me,” Remus assured and placed himself next to her.

Shay closed her eyes and rested her head against Remus’s shoulder.

“What happens now? All our friends are gone,” Shay faintly whispered.

Remus wrapped an arm around her and rested his chin on the top of her head.

“We carry on. Lily and James didn’t die in vain. Peter and Niki didn’t die for us to stop now. Your son may be gone, but that doesn’t mean that you have to stop living your life.”

“What was it all for, Remus? That’s what I’m having trouble figuring out.”

“We live in a safe world now. That’s what we’ve all wanted for a while.”

“Is it worth it when no one you care about can share it with you?” Shay asked quietly.

“You tell me in ten years when you have a family of our own if it was worth it or not,” Remus said and gave Shay a tight squeeze.

Shay gave him a look to contest his statement.

“You will persevere Shay Calhoun. You always have and you always will.”

“I don’t want to.”

“You may not want to but you will. You’re too strong to just give up,” Remus said knowingly.

Shay and Remus let themselves have a moment of reflective silence.

“I still can’t believe that Harry Potter defeated the Dark Lord,” Remus shook his head in disbelief.

Shay got up, dusted herself off, wiped her tears away and held a hand out for Remus.

“He’s the son of Lily and James Potter. That boy was meant to do great things.”



**Boy, oh boy, was this hard to write. It was embarrassingly emotional for me. I knew this chapter was coming since I started. Not only was it the content that made it so hard to complete, since I have grown so fond of these characters, it was also the fact that I worked damn hard to get to this point. I would like to inform you all that this is not the end. I wouldn't leave you guys hanging like that. I decided about a year ago that I would continue on with the story for a bit. It won't be much, about 10 chapters if everything goes as planned. I can't let go of this story yet and I want to bring it to a rightful end. I'm so thankful for all the support I have received so far and hope that you guys enjoy the final chapters of the story as much as you have enjoyed the rest. As always, thank you so much for reading and don't be afraid to leave me a review and let me know what you think. Thank you SO much!

Chapter 23: Twelve Years Past
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*the plot and OC's belong to me, the rest belongs to J.K.



                                                     “WANTED: SIRIUS BLACK”


Another day, another Daily Prophet, another headline about the escaped convict Sirius Black. The wizarding community was obsessed with him because he was the first person to escape from Azkaban. Shay was obsessed with the headlines because she was worried. It had been 12 years since she had last seen Sirius and she had never thought the day would come where she may see him again. Now she saw forced to look at his mug shot everyday. It was not the man she remembered. The man in front of her looked clinically insane. His hair was mangled, teeth rotting, skin gaunt and waxy and his eyes made him look like he had nothing to lose, which was exactly the case. He was not the 21-year-old man she remembered. She had moved on with her life, but she could tell Sirius had not.

Shay had plenty of work to do so she tucked the Daily Prophet away. Sirius Black had escaped about four months prior and Shay’s workload increased with every week. She had become an auror and had worked side by side with Alastor Moody until he retired. However because of her history with Sirius, Rufus Scrimgeour put her on desk duty. This annoyed and embarrassed her. She was one of the best and could easily track Sirius but couldn’t do her job because her boss thought she was going to fall back in love with him or something. She didn’t get along too well with Scrimgeour but found solace in Kingsley Shacklebolt and the new up incomer Tonks. It was nice having another female around, even if Tonks technically was a Black.

Shay had the pleasure of looking over maps and placing the tips the department had received on Sirius’s supposed whereabouts. Shay scoffed at most of the work she did. She hated to admit it but she knew, or had known, Sirius like the back of her hand. If he was anywhere, he was in England or Scotland. But Scrimgeour didn’t want to listen to her on this case. Shay tried to be fine with it but would slip Kingsley some clues every once in a while. Having somewhat of a vacation gave Shay time to catch up on things like reading and learning how to cook. She had pushed a lot of things off for years.

Shay was plotting a tip about Sirius living in a hut in Timbuktu when she heard an owl at the window. She recognized Remus’s owl immediately and let the animal in her kitchen. The owl gave his wings a shake and small ice pellets went everywhere. Shay gave him a treat for his troubles and untied the parchment from around the owl’s leg.



I’m sure you know by now that Sirius tried to break into the Gryffindor tower. He must have been disguised as Padfoot. Did you tell Kingsley about Padfoot yet? Are you ever going to? A lot of people are on edge in the castle, rightfully so I suppose. I just went through the first full moon since I’ve been here. It went better than normal since Severus started making me the Wolfsbane potion. I think he’s still perturbed by the fact that I’m the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. He taught my classes during my transformation and he taught my third years about werewolves. That man has a wicked sense of humor. Speaking of third years, I’m learning that Harry is just as brilliant as his mother. He looks so much like James it’s uncanny. He acts like him sometimes as well which can be good and bad. I believe he’s already lost about twenty points for his house, although I do believe Severus has something to do with that. Shay, I hope you can meet Harry soon. He’s such an interesting and endearing boy. I have so much more I would love to tell you about so I hope we can meet up for a butter beer soon. I just wanted to let you know that everyone is safe here.

My best to everyone,



Shay smiled down at the letter and set it on top of her maps. She loved hearing from Remus. When she found out that he was going to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Shay was very much excited for him. He was the perfect fit and was ten times better than she would have ever been. The best part of it though was she was able to learn so much about Harry Potter. She was pleased that Harry had taken such a liking to Remus, just as James and Lily would have wanted it. Shay grabbed a new piece of parchment and began writing back to Remus.



Of course I heard about the incident on Halloween. The whole Ministry did. Only Sirius would be audacious enough to go into a castle full of highly trained witches and wizards ready to take him down, and leave there unscathed. Just like old times, the man is really starting to get on my last nerve. If Scrimgeour would let me do more than draw on maps all day long, we would have him by now. And you know that I’m not going to tell them about Padfoot unless I absolutely have to, Remus. If I tell them then I’m sure you will get in trouble for being an accomplice and I won’t have that. As far as Severus goes, we both know how he gets on his power trips. I’ll have to give him a hard time the next chance I get. I always knew Harry was going to be a brilliant wizard. Just look at his lineage! How is he doing with the Dementors? Do you think it’s time to teach him the Patronus charm? From the sounds of it, I think he’s ready. The boy needs to be as trained as possible. He’s capable of many things and if Sirius gets him alone, Harry needs to be able to protect himself. I know Albus won’t let anything harm him but stranger things have happened. A butter beer soon is a must and I’m glad everyone is all right at Hogwarts. I’ll let you know if we get any actual leads on Sirius.




Shay tied her letter on the owl’s leg and opened the window for the messenger but the animal would not exit the window and began hooting wildly. Shay stuck her head out the window and froze with shock when she was met with a pair of gray eyes. The other eyes looked just as surprised as she was. Shay could identify those eyes from anywhere, even if they did belong to a big black dog. Shay snapped out of it and threw a spell at the dog before it could run away. And there he stood about ten feet away from her. Shay didn’t even bother with the door. She went after him right out the window.

“Tell me why I shouldn’t blast you into oblivion right now,” Shay growled and pointed her wand firmly at him.

“I come in peace. I obviously don’t have a wand,” Sirius said calmly and held his hand up to show no harm.

“In peace? You’re a murderer.

“No. I was framed Shay. You have to believe me,” Sirius said and took a step forward.

Shay held her wand even firmer. 

“When it comes to you, I don’t have to believe anything. You gave up the Potters and then killed Peter and 12 other people. You almost ruined my life and I don’t know what you’re up to now but knowing your track record, it can’t be any good.”

“I didn’t betray Lily and James. You have known me for 33 years and you love me. We were going to get married. You should be the first one to realize that I didn’t do what I was accused of,” Sirius conveyed.

“Loved. That was a very long time ago. You broke my heart and I got over it. But I’ll never get over what you did to our friends, what you did to Harry,” Shay said and shook her head in disbelief of what was happening.

“I’ll admit, I tried to kill Peter. But he isn’t dead Shay. I wasn’t the Secret Keeper, Peter was.”

“No, you told me yourself that you were the Secret Keeper.”

“It was meant for deception. Everyone knew I was the obvious choice so we thought Peter would be the perfect choice.”

“You are a liar. I’m not going to listen to this anymore,” Shay spouted and was starting to be visibly upset.

“Please put your wand down. I’m not going to hurt you Shay,” Sirius pleaded.

“Do you think I’m stupid? My wand isn’t going anywhere.”

“I remember that you can do wandless magic. I know more than anyone that you don’t need a wand to incapacitate me,” Sirius said and took another step forward.

Shay slowly brought her wand to her side.

“Can I show you something?” Sirius asked and slowly pulled something out of his pocket.

Shay saw that it was a newspaper clipping.

“Just look at this. Do you recognize somebody?” Sirius asked and held out the piece of paper.

Shay motioned her hand and the clip flew into her possession. She saw that it was a picture of the Weasley family. She knew Arthur from the Ministry and she had known Molly for years. However, she didn’t see the point of the picture.

Sirius responded to her quizzical look.

“Look at the rat. Does that animal look familiar?”

Shay examined the picture closely. There was a rat on a tall redheaded boy’s shoulder. The rat looked like a normal garden-variety rodent.

“Is this a joke?” Shay asked in frustration.

“That rat, known to his owner Ron Weasley as Scabbers, has been in the Weasley family for 12 years. Twelve years Shay. That’s a long life for a garden rat,” Sirius said with a bitter smile.

Shay continued to examine the photo. She couldn’t help try to remember what Peer Pettigrew’s animagus form looked like.

“This doesn’t mean anything, Sirius. You’re insane. Twelve years in Azkaban will do that to you.”

“The rat is missing a finger on its front paw. What did you guys find of Peter after I supposedly killed him?”

“A finger. They gave his poor mother a finger to bury.”

“I was at Hogwarts trying to get to the rat. I’m not there to harm anyone but him,” Sirius admitted and Shay felt his eyes seeping into her soul.

“This is all ludicrous,” Shay said and sent the picture back over to Sirius.

“I’m not there to harm Harry. I’m trying to protect him. He is my godson.”

“No, I’m an auror. I can’t just let you walk away,” Shay said suddenly.

“Please, just give me a few months. If by May I haven’t proved to everyone that I’m innocent, I swear you can send me back to Azkaban yourself.”

Shay thought Sirius was about to drop to his knees and beg.

“Why should I do you any favors?”

“Because you did love me once. We shared a home, memories. We had a child together.”

“Don’t push your luck,” Shay commanded dangerously.

“Please, Shay. You won’t regret this.”

“You won’t harm Harry Potter? You won't harm a single student or professor at Hogwarts?” Shay questioned stiffly.

“Never. I would even make an Unbreakable Vow. I can't give Snivelly a good knock though?” Sirius said and for some reason Shay believed him.

Shay couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at him and flare her nostrils in annoyance.

“We don’t have a third person or else I would make you. You should go before I change my mind,” Shay said and looked disappointed in herself.

This was not how she thought the interaction would go.

“Why haven’t you told the Ministry about Padfoot? You could lose your job if they find out you with held that information.”

“I’m afraid that Remus will get in trouble. He’s doing so good now, I can’t do that to him.”

“I heard him transform the other night. It sounds like the Wolfsbane Potion is helping a bit. Are you going to tell him about this?” Sirius asked and placed a hand on the back of his neck nervously.

“No. So make your presence less known. Remus would not be happy to hear about this. Do you still hate him?”

“Twelve years in solitary confinement leaves you with a lot of time to think. I wish things could have been different between him and I. Hopefully I’ll be able to apologize to my old friend soon enough,” Sirius said with a small grin.

Shay turned around to go back inside without a farewell to Sirius.

“I still love you,” Sirius called out to her.

“Sirius, even if this is all true it doesn’t mean that I want anything to do with you,” Shay said coolly and briskly entered her door.

And for some reason, the wind blowing against Sirius’s skin got a lot colder.

Chapter 24: Recruitment
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*the plot & OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.



12 Grimmauld Place. Shay was sure that she would never be in that place again yet she found herself standing in the front hall of the house. Albus Dumbledore had somehow talked her into coming here. She knew this is where the Order of the Phoenix had been reformed. She also knew that Sirius was using his former home as a halfway house of sorts. It should be known that Shay hadn’t seen Sirius since that November night nearly a year and a half ago. But Sirius had proved his innocence, not to the Ministry, but to the people that count.

Shay was taken aback by the rambunctiousness of the old, weary house. Two identical redheads were giving their mother a run for her money.

“George! How many times to I have to tell you to behave during meetings? I swear you boys will turn my hair gray by the end of the summer! I can’t wait until school starts!” Molly Weasley exclaimed to one of her twin boys.

They reminded Shay a lot of Fabian and Gideon.

“You’re persecuting the wrong man, Mum. I’m George,” the other twin said from behind Molly.

“Liar,” a small redheaded girl said casually from behind a quidditch magazine.

“Oi! This is an adult conversation. You seem to keep forgetting that Fred and I are of age now, Ginny,” George said righteously.

Ginny scoffed at the word “adult”.

“Ok, then. How’s snogging Angelina Johnson?” Ginny asked with a smirk.

“Well, it’s mag…”

“Don’t go there,” the real George spoke up and threw a glare at Fred.

Molly threw her hands up in frustration and was about to start a full-blown rant when Shay cleared her throat. Everyone’s head turned to her.

“Shay? It’s great to see you! It’s been years,” Molly said with a big smile and looked genuinely pleased to see Shay.

“It has. I see the family is doing well,” Shay said and acknowledged the children in the room.

“After raising seven children, it’s inevitable that you reach the end of your rope. Follow me Shay. Everyone is waiting for you in the kitchen.”


Shay followed Molly into the kitchen and found more people than expected. Some she saw often such as Kingsley, Tonks, Remus, Mad-Eye, Severus and Emmeline Vance. There were also some people she hadn’t seen in years. Sturgis Podmore, Minerva McGonagall, Arthur Weasley, Elphias Doge, Dedalus Diggle and of course Sirius.

“Glad you could make it, Shay. Albus should only be a few minutes,” Arthur said and pulled out a seat for her.

“I hope I didn’t interrupt anything,” Shay said with a weak smile.

“We were all just talking,” Remus explained and sidled up next to her.

He could tell Sirius’s presence was making her uncomfortable.

“About what? If I may ask,” Shay inquired.

“Who else but Potter,” Severus said, acting as if the name was acid in his mouth.

“Is he here?” Shay asked, trying not to show too much excitement.

“No. Albus thought it would be best if Harry stayed away from the wizarding world this summer,” Arthur said and Molly nodded in agreement with what her husband explained.

“Even with what happened at the Triwizard Tournament? If the Dark Lord is back, it seems that keeping him with muggles, especially muggles like the Dursleys, wouldn’t be the best bet for the boy,” Shay stated and looked up at Severus for back up on how awful Petunia was.

“What Albus says goes,” Mad-Eye chimed in.

“And how are you Alastor? I hope Barty Jr. didn’t bang you up too much,” Shay asked with a concerned smile.

“It will take a lot more than that slimy bastard to get me off this earth,” Mad-Eye said with a proud smile and his eye buzzing about.

“So does anyone know why I’m here? I have to get back to the Ministry soon.”

“A favor to be asked, as usual,” Dumbledore said and scared half the room.

“Long time, no see, Albus,” Shay greeted the elder wizard.

“Yes, Shay. It’s always such a pleasure. I’m sorry that I’m late but I just got word that there were Dementors in Little Whinging,” Dumbledore said with a tinge of worriment.

“Little Whinging? That’s a muggle town. Isn’t that where Harry lives?” Shay questioned rapidly.

She stole a quick glance over to Sirius and saw that his attention was fixed on Dumbledore and his brow was furrowed with anxiety.

“Yes and that’s where the problem lies. It seems that Harry produced a Patronus charm to save himself and his cousin. The Ministry has already expelled the boy.”

“Oh, Albus. Is Harry all right? This just can’t happen!” Molly worried and was subconsciously clutching the front of her blouse.

“Yea, that’s crap! Harry was just defending himself. They should reward the kid for being able to do such a strong Patronus at such a young age,” Tonks interjected.

“I will take care of the Ministry. Myself and Harry are not favored there at the moment but I still have a lot of pull,” Dumbledore explained softly.

“But I digress. We have that favor to ask of you. Shay, I would be honored if you would join the Order of the Phoenix once again.”

Shay wasn’t surprised by the offer but she was going to stand her ground.

“No, I’m sorry. I can’t do it this time,” Shay said apologetically.

“Why not?” Sirius spouted from the other side of the room.

Shay refused to acknowledge him and spoke directly to Albus.

“I went through hell the last time. I have too much to lose now.”

That’s when Sirius saw a shiny diamond on her left ring finger. It definitely wasn’t the ring he gave her all those years ago. He couldn’t help but feel his anger and jealousy rise.

“What if we disguised you, Shay?” Kingsley asked and Shay raised an eyebrow at her friend.

“What do you mean?”

“Severus has offered to make you a Polyjuice potion. Mundungus got us some hair of a muggle woman and if you agree your identity would be hidden from the Death Eaters,” Dumbledore explained.

“We all understand your apprehension Shay and would understand if you said no,” Emmeline assured and Shay gave her old friend an appreciative smile.

“You’re one of the most talented witches I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. You would be a much-needed addition to the Order. The target on your back from the last war hasn’t gone away. You-Know-Who must know that you’re alive, especially with Pettigrew at his side,” McGonagall said.

Shay took a moment to herself before speaking again.

“Can I at least think about it?” Shay asked quietly.

“Of course. Take your time. You know where to find me Shay,” Dumbledore said with the glimmer in his eyes that Shay hadn’t seen in many years.

“I will leave you all now. I have many things to deal with,” Dumbledore announced and was gone as fast as he came.

“I have to go too. Scrimgeour is expecting me back any moment,” Shay said hurriedly.

“You will consider it, won’t you?” Tonks questioned.

“Yea, of course,” Shay answered somewhat uncomfortably.

“Everyone have a lovely day. Severus, quit being such a sour puss. You’re around a bunch of wonderful people not Death Eater drags. And Remus,” Shay said and bent down to whisper to him, “Tea at my place at 7. I suppose you can bring a guest.”

Shay made one more glance at Sirius before exiting the house quickly.


“Why didn’t anyone tell me that Shay was married?” Sirius seethed at Remus as soon as they had a lone moment.

“You never asked,” Remus said with a small shake of his head and kept his eyes on the article he was reading.

“I think it’s obviously information I would have liked to know a while ago,” Sirius said, pacing about the kitchen.

“Sirius, she’s a beautiful woman. Did you really think that she wouldn’t find somebody?” Remus questioned and set his paper on the table.

“The only other person I could ever imagine her with is you and you’re in love with my baby cousin. Who is it? Whom is she married to?”

Remus tried to not laugh.

“What are you going to do? Fight the bloke?”

“No, I would just like to know who the man is that the love of my life married,” Sirius said indignantly.

“Ask her yourself. We’re going to her house for tea at 7,” Remus said and left the kitchen.

Sirius’s heartbeat quickened. He felt the sudden need to make himself look presentable. He wanted to look like the man Shay used to love.


“You ready for this?” Remus asked the black dog next to him after he wrung the doorbell

Padfoot answered with a small bark.

Shay flung the door open a little too quickly and gave them both a smile, Sirius receiving the wearier end of it.

“Come in,” Shay said and stepped aside for them to enter.

Shay closed and locked the door. When she turned around, Sirius had transformed. Shay could tell that finally brushed is hair.

“I just started the pot. Let’s go in the den,” Shay said and the pair followed her.

“Thanks for having us Shay. I hope you didn’t feel bombarded this afternoon,” Remus said and took a seat on the sofa with Sirius.

Shay sat opposite them in a chair.

“No, I basically knew what I was there for. But you guys have to understand that I need time to think about this.”

“Why? You were so gung hoe the last time. What’s changed?” Sirius asked.

“I have. Sirius, I’m going to be 35 years old and I can’t go blindly into these things anymore. It feels different this time around,” Shay explained.

“What about Harry? Don’t you feel the need to help him?” Sirius asked, trying to figure out what had changed her.

“I worry about Harry constantly but at the end of this all, everyone has to rely on Harry. And all I can think is ‘That poor boy’. He didn’t ask for this, but we’re all asking so much from him. I love Harry and I loved his parents so very much, but I have other people I need to think about now,” Shay explained with all seriousness.

“Like your husband?” Sirius questioned harshly.

Shay made brief eye contact with Sirius then continued the conversation with Remus.

“You understand my reservations, don’t you?” Shay asked Remus.

Remus nodded his head.

“Completely. It would just be reassuring for the Order to know that you’re backing us up. You’ve been through the trenches before. You know how tragic it can be but you also know how rewarding it can feel.”

“The kettle’s ready. I’ll be right back,” Shay said and quickly exited the room.


“Will you ease up on her Sirius? At least let her explain herself,” Remus whispered.

“I can’t help it. She’s so…different,” Sirius said with frustration.

“She’s not that different. We’re all a little different. I would hope so at least. We’re not kids anymore. Just give her time to open up. I’m surprised she even has you here to begin with,” Remus finished when he heard Shay entering the room.

“I had a long day at the Ministry. The whole building was buzzing about the Dementor incident with Harry. It’s so frustrating that Fudge won’t believe what’s truly going on,” Shay said and set the kettle down on the table between them.

“Mostly everyone that works there remembers the first war and how terrible it was. They won’t believe what they don’t see. Cornelius Fudge is doing a good job of covering up what’s really going on,” Remus said.

Shay nodded in agreement but then an awkward silence fell over the room.

“Should we just get it out in the open?” Shay interjected suddenly.

Sirius perked his head up and Remus looked a bit uncomfortable.

“How much do you know?” Shay asked Sirius.

“Nothing. I just figured out this afternoon that you’re married. Our friend here decided it wasn’t important to ever bring that up,” Sirius said bitterly.

“Well, I am in fact married. I have been for six years now,” Shay admitted with a small smile.

“Who is he?”

Shay couldn’t help but let out a small, nervous laugh.

“Jude Borchardt. That’s who I’m married to.”

Sirius looked at her incredulously.

“Your student? But you hated him.”

“He obviously wasn’t my student anymore when we began dating. And hate is a strong word. Plus, Lily didn’t like James at all for years,” Shay stated.

“He’s a good guy, Sirius. He’s treated Shay so well,” Remus added and Shay smiled at him for the support.

Sirius looked at him as if he was a traitor. 

“Jude is an Unspeakable. It’s hard because we both work at the Ministry but we don’t get to see a whole lot of each other these days.”

Sirius didn’t want to hear about their marital problems.

“So you’re not Shay Calhoun anymore?” Sirius asked quietly.

“I’m still Shay. I just have a different last name. Please don’t take this too hard Sirius. I had to move on. I hope you understand.”

“How am I not supposed to take this hard? Why didn’t you tell me this two years ago when I told you I still loved you?” Sirius questioned and got up from his seat.

He couldn’t help but be upset.

“Because it was none of your business. For the second time in my life, you had left me Sirius and I wasn’t going to wait around for you anymore. I’m sorry but I moved on and found someone who truly loves me,” Shay replied harshly.

Sirius felt as if he could set fire to the room with his eyes.

“I can’t listen to this anymore,” Sirius announced and barged to the door.

“Sirius,” Remus called and got up after him.


“Mom. What’s going on down there?” a voice called from the top of the stairs.

Sirius stopped dead in his tracks and it felt as if his stomach dropped through the floor.

The person belonging to the voice wandered down the stairs when no one answered. It was a preteen girl who so wildly resembled her mother that Sirius thought he was in a memory for a second. Except the girl had gray eyes that matched his own. 

“Remus! Mum didn’t tell me that you were stopping by,” the girl said excitedly and it seemed that she didn’t even register that another man was in the room.

“It was a bit unplanned,” Remus said with a small smile.

“Jayme, can you just give us a few minutes?” Shay asked her daughter.

The girl finally scanned the room and saw Sirius standing by the doorway. She seemed to recognize him for all the wrong reasons.

“Mum, what’s going on here?” she asked with a panic.

“Please, I’ll be up there in a few minutes and we’ll talk. Everything is fine here. Remus and I are just catching up with an old friend,” Shay stressed and walked towards her daughter.

It was obvious that the girl could tell her mother wasn’t telling the whole truth and that seemed to upset the child.

“Fine,” the girl said and ran back up the stairs in a flash.

“Sirius, I’m so sorry,” Shay apologized quickly after seeing Sirius’s face.

He looked confused, distraught and panicked. But Shay thought she caught I small fleck of joy shoot across his face for a second.

He had to sit down.

“Sirius, talk to us,” Remus said and followed Sirius back into the den.

Sirius just held up a hand to stop him from continuing. He just couldn’t register what had just happened.

“You weren’t supposed to find out like this,” Shay said and Sirius saw that she had tears rolling down her face.

“I want to hear it from you Shay,” was all that Sirius said.

Shay looked to Remus, who could only wrap an arm around her shoulders to give her some small form of comfort.

“Sirius, you have a daughter.”

*the plot and OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.



“How is he?” Shay asked as she entered the old house.

Remus closed the door and turned to her.

“He’s up with Buckbeak. He won’t talk to me. I can’t blame him,” Remus said solemnly.

“Don’t beat yourself up over it. I should have never gotten you involved. It’s not your problem. This is my fault,” Shay replied.

“I care about you and Jayme and Sirius is my best friend. I think I’m involved no matter what.”

“I’m going to try to talk to him. He deserves an explanation,” Shay said and headed towards the stairs.

“I think that’s a good idea. You two should just spend some alone time together. It’s been almost 14 years. The two of you deserve a nice chat,” Remus said with a small smile.

Shay looked back at him and gave him a small nod.

“But if you need me. I’ll be down here.”



“Sirius?” Shay called and softly knocked.

She heard stirring in the room, so continued.

“Sirius, I really want to talk to you about this. I want you to hear it directly from me. You deserve that.”

Shay leaned her head against the wood door and waited to see if she was going to be completely ignored.

“You should have told me sooner,” Sirius finally responded through the door.

“I don’t want to talk about this through a door, Sirius. Please let me in,” Shay begged.

She heard Sirius walk towards her and he slowly opened the door. Shay noted that he looked worse than his mug shot.


Sirius swung the door opened and Shay balked when she saw Buckbeak’s overpowering presence.

“Is there somewhere else we can talk? He can tell you’re mad at me and I think he would love a chance to rip me to pieces,” Shay said nervously.

Sirius looked up at Buckbeak and saw that his orange eyes were glowing wildly.

“I guess we can talk in my old room. You do have a child you have to take care of,” Sirius said in spite.

Shay followed him down the hall and they entered the room that she remembered not so fondly. Sirius sat on his bed and motioned for Shay to sit on his desk chair.

“I’m sorry about last night, Sirius. You weren’t supposed to find out like that,” Shay said as soon as she sat down.

“Was I supposed to find out at all?” Sirius asked.

“Yes. One day when you were cleared of all charges.”

“Why? Because you’re embarrassed of who her father is?”

“No, not exactly. Could you imagine if everyone knew who her real father was? How the kids at school would treat her or even worse, how some full-grown wizards would act towards her. You know how some people treat Harry Potter. Imagine how it would be for a girl whose father is an alleged murderer.”

Sirius stayed quiet and tried not to believe what Shay was telling him.

“I just need you to know that everything I have done in the past 14 years has been for our daughter,” Shay said tried to will her oncoming tears away.

“Tell me about her.”

“Her name is Jayme. She’s going to be 13 on August 24th and she’s going to be a 3rd year Gryffindor,” Shay said with a proud smile.

“Jayme?” Sirius questioned.

“I named her after James,” Shay chuckled at a memory, “I promised him on my 19th birthday that I would name our next child after him. It was a joke at the time but when I had her, it just felt right.”

Shay could see a hint of a smile play across Sirius’s face at the remembrance of his best friend.

“She’s very smart and dedicated. She’s at the top of her class. She’s definitely got your sense of humor and deviance. At least according to Severus, but he’s a little biased.”

“Snape knows that she’s my daughter?” Sirius questioned.

“I never told him out right. Only Remus and Jude know for sure. Everyone else that was close to me just sort of assumed because of the timeline of it all. Severus is good to her though. Not too hard on her, even though she is in Gryffindor.”

“So she doesn’t know anything about me?”

“As you saw last night, she knows you as Sirius Black, the escaped convict, not Sirius Black, her biological father who was framed. It took me forever to calm her down last night. She doesn’t understand why I had you in the house and now she’s afraid I’m going to lose my job. She’s always been a bit of a worrier,” Shay said with a sad smile.

“So why disrupt her life now? That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it?” Sirius asked and went to the window.

“She knows that Jude isn’t her biological father. I started dating him when she was five and we got married when she was seven. But she does see him as her father. He adopted her a year after we got married.”

Shay saw that Sirius noticeably stiffened.

“So her last name…” Sirius wondered.

“It's the same as mine and Jude’s. Her name is Jayme Borchardt. I’m sorry, Sirius. You have to understand though, I did what I thought was best for her,” Shay said and went to stand by Sirius.

“Is she talented like you?” Sirius asked quietly.

“Most likely. I never told her about my own powers. She really doesn’t know a whole lot about my past. It would bring up too many questions. I always figured it would be safer for her if I kept her in the dark. That’s why I can’t rejoin the Order.”

“Don’t you want to protect her?” Sirius asked.

“I am. Look what happened to me during the last war. I should be dead but I went through hell instead. What if she is like me and she goes through that same pain? I can’t handle thinking about that,” Shay explained and wrapped her arms around herself in comfort.

“Shay, we need you to join. Like Kingsley said, we will protect you. We have to help Harry in any way we can. Lily and James would have done the same for our child,” Sirius said and leaned against the windowsill.

“You guys just asked me yesterday. Please give me time to think about it.”

“Fine,” Sirius said and walked towards the door.

“Is that it?” Shay asked.

Sirius stopped at the door.

“I would like to meet her. She is my daughter, after all.”

“I have to tell Jude what’s going on first,” Shay countered.

Sirius whipped around.


“Because he is her father,” Shay blatantly stated.

“I’m her father,” Sirius hissed and moved closer to her.

“No, Jude has taken care of Jayme and he loves her as if she was his own. You can’t show back up and expect things to be the same as they were,” Shay said loudly.

“I was in Azkaban! You know that I would have been there if I could!” Sirius yelled wildly.

It shocked Shay, how fast Sirius got angry.

“You had a choice, Sirius. When James and Lily died you could have came to me and explained that you weren’t the secret keeper. We could have gotten you a trial. One drop of veritaserum and you would have been cleared. But you let your despair and Peter Pettigrew get the best of you and you left me all alone. You left me with a baby that I didn’t want,” Shay angrily wiped away her tears after her confession, “I love Jayme with all my heart but when I look at her all I see is you. You don’t understand how that feels.”

“I didn’t leave you, Shay. I would have never left you. I still love you,” Sirius whispered with tears brimming from his eyes.

“Please don’t say that.”

“No, you have to hear it and understand it. I’m always going to love you,” Sirius said and went to wrap Shay in his arms.

She quickly got away.

“I have to go. This isn’t right. Sirius, I’m going to talk to Jude tonight but you have to give me time.”

“I know you feel the same way,” Sirius persisted.

“You have no clue how I feel. If you did then you wouldn’t be doing this to me.”

Shay looked as if she didn’t even know how she was supposed to feel. Sirius had a hard time looking at her in that moment.

“Can you just let me know when I can meet her?” Sirius asked quietly.

Shay responded with a small nod and slipped out of the room as quickly as she could.

She practically ran down the stairs and found Remus reading a book, or at least pretending to.

“Some things never change. Sirius and I are still good at arguing,” Shay said uncomfortably as Remus looked at her over his book.

“Are you all right?” Remus asked and set his book on his lap.

“Yes. I’m going to head out though. I obviously have to talk to Jude but first I have to figure out what I’m going to say. So I have a long night ahead of me,” Shay said with a grimace.

“Don’t rush it Shay. Sirius isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Remember, he’s not supposed to leave the house.”

“Since when have you known Sirius to follow the rules?”




“Long day at the office. I’m definitely ready for bed,” Shay heard her husband call from their bathroom as she secured their room with a silencing charm.

She had to make sure Jayme, who was hopefully sound asleep down the hall, didn’t hear a single part of the conversation.

“Each day gets longer. Let’s think about retiring soon,” Shay answered back and tried to find a perfect place to sit on her bed.

“We’re only in our 30’s,” Jude answered with a smile and entered the bedroom.

“It’s just something to sleep on,” Shay said, trying to genuinely contribute to the conversation without giving herself away.

“Are you ok? You look uncomfortable,” Jude questioned and crossed the room to his side of the bed.

“I’m not uncomfortable,” Shay said and self-consciously adjusted herself, “But I do need to talk to you.”

“Uh-oh,” Jude said half-jokingly and stood by to hear what his wife had to say.

“I know where Sirius Black is,” Shay blurted out.

Jude’s complexion paled considerably.

“You’ve informed the Ministry, haven’t you?”

Shay shook her head and became very interested in the duvet.

“So you’re telling me that you’re protecting the man that gave up your best friends to the Dark Lord and killed one of your other best friends and twelve other innocent muggle bystanders. Oh, and by the way he’s trying to kill Harry Potter,” Jude’s rage came through more and more with each word.

“He didn’t do any of that. Sirius is innocent.”

Jude looked as if he had a million things to say but couldn’t get a single word out.

“Please let me explain. But I’m telling this to my husband, not an Unspeakable.”

Shay watched Jude wrestle with his reason versus his emotions. She knew that he was very loyal to the Ministry, however Shay also knew that Jude was even more loyal towards her.

He sat down beside her and Shay took this as an opportunity to begin.

“Albus Dumbledore has reinstated the Order of the Phoenix. A Fidelius Charm with Albus as the secret keeper protects the headquarters. Nobody can get in unless Albus wants them in. So naturally, that is where Sirius is. He’s a member of the Order once again. Everyone that survived the first war has joined again, that is except for me.”

“I’m assuming they asked you to join again,” Jude said.

“Yes, and I told them no at first.”

“At first?” Jude questioned cautiously.

“They said they have a Polyjuice Potion, one Severus made himself, that would protect my identity. Jude, it’s really hard for me not to help. But I told them I had to think about it,” Shay said and she still couldn’t seem to look at Jude.

“You almost died the last time. You have a family to think about as well.”

“I had a family to think about the first time around too,” Shay answered defensively.

“It’s different now.”

“How so, Jude?” Shay asked a got up from the bed.

“Jayme is almost 13. Do you know how much it would hurt her if she lost you? You’ve been the one constant in her life. And what about me, Shay?” Jude asked with pain creasing across his face.

“What about you?”

“I love you. Please don’t forget that now that Sirius is back in the picture.”

Shay took a deep breath and sat on the windowsill facing Jude.

“I lost my son in the first war and I lost a lot of other people I loved too by the end of it. I know I have the same things to lose this time around.”

“Cillian was only a year when it happened. How do you think it would feel to lose Jayme?” Jude questioned.

“I loved…I still love my son very much. I know how it feels to lose a child. Don’t question me on that.”

“Jayme doesn’t even know about him,” Jude said quietly.

“Why would I tell her? So she can feel my pain too? Parents are supposed to protect their children, not bring them into the misery too.”

“So then you’re not going to tell her about Sirius?” Jude asked and got up from the bed as well.

Shay stared at the floor for a few seconds before answering.

“Sirius came over yesterday. He saw Jayme. He’s knows that he’s her father,” Shay said and with each word felt smaller and smaller for what she was doing to her husband.

“What?” Jude asked harshly.

“Sirius knows.”

“I’m Jayme’s father!” Jude yelled and Shay jumped a little.

“I know you are and I told Sirius that today. But he wants to meet his daughter and how can I deny him that?” Shay explained and Jude saw that there were tears falling freely on her face.

“You say no, simple as that. He’s a damn convicted murderer. I don’t want him in the same house as my family. Especially since my wife is still in love with him.”

“I’m not Jude. I swear I’m not. But Sirius is innocent. He was never the secret keeper. Peter Pettigrew was. Peter betrayed Lily and James. Sirius came to me two years ago.”

“Two years ago?” Jude interrupted.

Shay held up her hand towards him and continued.

“I was ready to kill him that night, like I always planned if I had the chance. Then he told me what actually happened. He had proof. So I gave him until the end of that school year to prove it.”

“Which he didn’t, or else the Ministry wouldn’t still be searching high and low for him.”

“Things didn’t go as planned, but Sirius proved that Peter is still alive. Remus saw it with his own eyes. Albus trusts Sirius and Harry Potter loves him. Sirius is practically the only family he has.”

“But I didn’t see Sirius again until yesterday when Albus asked me to rejoin the Order. I invited Remus and Sirius over for a cup of tea and that’s when Jayme walked in on us,” Shay said and felt horrible.

“Jayme met him?” Jude asked and was slowly pacing the room.

“And she freaked out. It took me forever to calm her down. She just knows that he’s an old friend of mine and I explained to her that Sirius is innocent. I want Sirius to meet her, Jude. But she doesn’t have to know anymore than she does now. If Sirius cares about her at all, he’ll let her go on thinking he is just a friend. You are her father. She’s lucky enough to have you and so am I. But Sirius did his time, and now he deserves to meet her.”

Jude stared down his wife for a minute before snatching up his pillow and a blanket.

“What are you doing?” Shay asked and got up from the windowsill.

“Sleeping on the couch tonight. I can’t bring myself to sleep next to a liar.”

Chapter 26: Round Table Discussions
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*the plot and OC's are mine, the rest belongs to JK



“Thank you for doing this,” Shay said to Jude, who was standing right beside her in the kitchen.

Jude was fiddling with the utensils in front of him.

“You’re my wife. I’ll do whatever I can to make you happy,” Jude replied half-heartedly.

“Jude,” Shay said and grabbed his hand, “I love you. I married you. You are whom Jayme calls Dad. It’s you, not Sirius.”

Jude turned to her and planted a kiss on her forehead.

“I love you too. But let’s get on with this,” Jude said with a sad smile and grabbed the utensils and entered the dining room.

Shay followed him in and found that Jayme was entertaining Remus and Sirius with a story from school.

“All my friends are still shocked that Professor McGonagall didn’t take my head off,” Jayme ended her story.

“I’m not surprised. McGonagall always had a soft spot for your mum,” Sirius said with a delighted smile.

“She liked me because I didn’t make her hair gray, unlike some other people I know,” Shay spoke directly towards Remus and Sirius.

“Remus, I thought you were great at school?” Jayme asked and piled desert onto her plate.

“I was but I seemed to have always gotten dragged into the plots of Sirius Black and James Potter,” Remus answered and Sirius scoffed at the fact that Remus was always good at getting himself involved.

“So it’s true?” Jayme asked cautiously.

“What’s true?” Sirius asked back.

“That you were best friends with Harry Potter’s dad.”

Shay and Remus shared a glance and waited for Sirius to answer.

“Jayme, this isn’t really appropriate to talk about at the dinner table,” Jude interjected.

“No, it’s fine. James Potter was practically a brother to me. We became instant best friends when we met and were best friends until he died. I loved Lily too and Harry, of course,” Sirius said with a fond smile.

“Mum, you were friends with them too, right?” Jayme asked.

Shay nodded and answered her daughter.

“I was very close to both of them and I still miss them both very much.”

“You never really talk about them though.”

“Sometimes it’s really hard to talk about people that you miss so much.”

“Is that why you never talked about Sirius?” Jayme questioned and caught a quick glance at Sirius who she was really starting to like.

Shay paused before answering.

“Yes, Jayme. I missed Sirius a lot,” Shay said and secured Jude’s hand in her own.

This didn’t go unnoticed by Sirius.

“We were all great friends. Being at Hogwarts was some of the best moments of my life. Of course the past 14 years haven’t compared,” Sirius said with a smirk.

There was an uneasiness that settled at the table.

“I think it’s terrible what they did to you, Sirius,” Jayme spoke up.

Sirius gave her a look to tell her to speak her mind.

“They put you in jail for almost half of your life without a trial and everyone you knew turned against you. It sounds like you had a really nice life before the Potters died. I’m just sorry that it all got taken away from you,” Jayme explained with a sense of earnest and innocence.

All the adults were silent at the words of the almost 13-year-old girl.

“I’m sorry if I said something wrong,” Jayme apologized and gave a worried look to her plate.

“Don’t apologize for that. You’re a kind and considerate girl. Your parents did a great job with you,” Sirius said and gave a watery smile to Shay, “They’re the luckiest people to have you as their daughter.”

Shay returned the smile to Sirius and Jude beamed with the exact pride that Sirius was just talking about.

“Thanks,” Jayme replied awkwardly.

She hadn’t expected such a big compliment from a man she had just met.

“Well anyway, we all know that you can’t change the past. So I just carry on from where I am and try not to let the last 14 years control my life. But I’ll also never let myself forget it. Only fools pretend that the bad stuff never happened,” Sirius finished with an introspective smile.

Jayme shot a smile at him and for a split second Sirius saw some relation between himself and the girl.

“I think you’re okay, Sirius.”

“Well I think you’re okay too, Jayme. You remind me a lot of your mother. You’re practically a spitting image of her.”

“Everyone says that,” Jayme replied and Shay chuckled.

“I think Jayme gets sick of being compared to such an old hag,” Shay said with a playful smile.

“You are neither old nor a hag,” Jude said and kissed the back of Shay’s hand.

“Mum, I told Violet that I would be to her house by sun down. Is it alright if I head over there now?” Jayme asked.

“Sure sweetheart. Tell her parents that we say hello,” Shay said and Jayme got up from the table.

“Thanks Mum. Bye Dad, bye Remus, and it was really nice meeting you, Sirius.”

“The pleasure was all mine, Jayme. I’m sure you’ll see me again soon,” Sirius returned with a warm smile.

Jayme gave one more glance to everyone and was gone in a flash.


Suddenly a very stiff and heavy silence fell over the table.

“Have you two come up with a decision about the Order yet?” Remus asked, figuring the middleman should be the first one to speak.

Shay and Jude looked at each other with uneasiness before answering.

“We’re still milling it over,” Shay answered.

“We’ll keep her safe. I would never let anything happen to her again,” Sirius said to Jude.

“Pardon me, Sirius, but I’m not sure how much of your word I can trust,” Jude shot back.

Shay looked at him incredulously.

“Don’t be that way, Jude. He’s just trying to be helpful.”

“But how is a man who is not supposed to be anywhere but Azkaban, supposed to help you?” Jude asked in a frustrated, hushed tone.

“I don’t know what more you want? I thought when Albus came to talk to us, it would convince you, but not even that worked,” Shay said and placed her head in her hands in frustration.

“I guess this wasn’t the best topic to talk about,” Remus said with an uncomfortable smile.

“I guess not,” Jude replied.

Another silence fell across the room.

Shay couldn’t help but feel Sirius staring at the top of her head. She also couldn’t help but notice Jude staring right back at Sirius.

“How did you guys meet?” Sirius asked suddenly.

“When she was my professor in my 7th year,” Jude answered as if it was too obvious of a question.

Shay cringed. She hated when he answered that particular question with that answer. It made her seem like some sort of sexual deviant.

“No,” Sirius chuckled and waved his hand at him, “I mean, how did you two end up getting together?”

Shay looked up at Sirius.

“I don’t think we should talk about that,” she told him.

“Why not? All I hear about is unrequited love from this guy,” Sirius said and pointed his thumb at Remus, who then looked a tad embarrassed, “I would like to hear about true love for once.”

For a second, Shay hated the slick smile that was sitting on Sirius’s face. And for a quick second after, she absolutely loved it.

Shay and Jude looked at each other and Shay motioned for him to start the story.

“Well, it was about eight years ago…”



“Mum, I’m tired of walking around,” a young, 5-year-old Jayme complained and started dragging her feet.

“Sweetie, we just have one more shop to go to and then we’ll get some ice cream. Deal?” a tired looking Shay responded.

Shay watched as her daughter contemplated for a few seconds.

“Deal,” Jayme caved begrudgingly.

Shay smiled down at her and carried on.

“You’ll enjoy the next store.”

The duo walked for a few more minutes before stopping in front of Eeylop’s Owl Emporium.

“We’re here,” Shay said with enthusiasm.

She saw disappointment lingering in Jayme’s eyes.

“Not what you wanted?” she asked softly and a tad confused.

“Gambel and Japes,” was all Jayme responded with.

Shay let out a deep sigh and looked down the alley at the joke shop. It had been a place she had been in frequently with James and Sirius and not a place that she planned on going anytime soon. Plus, it was no Zonko’s, so in Shay’s mind she thought why even bother. Just the fact that Jayme wanted to go there so bad reminded Shay that Jayme was in fact half Sirius, whether she liked it or not.

“Next time Jayme. I have to get an owl for work. I’ll let you pick it out,” Shay said and offered a smile and a hand again.

After two very long years, Shay had finally qualified to be an Auror. It had been a lot of work but Alastor really helped her through the training and Remus had helped tremendously with Jayme. Mad-Eye had told Shay the day prior that the last thing she had to do was get an owl to keep in contact. Shay had actually fought this. She didn’t like being that connected to the outside world. The past six years since the Potters died had been very rough and Shay had lost contact with many people since then, at least the ones that were still alive to be contacted.

Shay and Jayme wandered the shop a bit. It was dark and smelt like a barn but it reminded Shay of being a kid.

“What about this one?” Shay asked and pointed at a tall Barn owl.

Jayme looked at it and shook her head, disinterested in the plain looking owl.

“I like this one,” Jayme exclaimed and pointed at a heavyset Snowy owl.

Shay balked at the flashy creature.

“It’s beautiful but I think it’ll stand out too much,” Shay explained and tried to let her child down easy.

“Oh, I don’t think it’ll stand out that much,” a voice said from behind them.

Shay turned around and found someone she hadn’t seen in years.

“Jude Borchardt,” Shay said in disbelief.

He looked the same, but more adult. It was odd for Shay to see him. She felt bad for thinking it, but she hadn’t thought about him since 1981.

“Professor Calhoun,” Jude said with a wide smile and looked down at Jayme, “and mini-Professor Calhoun.”

“I haven’t been a professor in six years. You can call me Shay and this is my daughter Jayme.”

“Jayme, I am thoroughly enchanted,” Jude said and took a knee in front of Jayme to be eye level with her.

Jayme looked up at Shay cautiously and didn’t seem impressed at all with Jude.

“I see she didn’t get only your looks. I seem to annoy her as much as I did you,” Jude said with a toothy grin.

“It’s not you,” Shay said with a soft smile and put her hand on Jayme’s shoulder, “I just have the most skeptical 5-year-old in all of England.”

Jude offered Jayme another smile and stood up.

“I would love some time to catch up with you. Can I offer to take you two out for ice cream?”

Shay hesitated and awkwardly put her hand on the back of her neck.

Other than Remus, Shay hadn’t spent any time with a man outside of the Ministry in a very long time. That fact wasn’t created by accident either.

“I’m sorry. I’ll just make my exit now,” Jude said politely.

Shay could only stare at him as he turned to walk away. She felt horrible. She had let him down six years ago and now it was happening again.

“I like ice cream,” Jayme spoke up.

Jude turned back around.

“She likes ice cream,” he repeated with a grateful smile.

Shay couldn’t help but smile.

“What five year-old doesn’t?”



“I’m impressed,” Jude stated from behind his sundae.

“Impressed by what?” Shay asked after she took a spoonful of the ice cream she was sharing with Jayme.

“You becoming an auror.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Shay asked and whipped an eyebrow up at him.

“No, I didn’t mean to insult you,” Jude conceded quickly, “It’s just, it’s hard enough to become an auror while living a single life. You did it while caring for a small child on your own. That’s just down right amazing.”

“I didn’t do it on my own. I’ve had Remus helping me the whole way,” Shay confessed.

“Remus Lupin? Is he your boyfriend?”

“Oh no, Remus and I have been there and done that. He’s just a great friend and I couldn’t survive without him,” Shay said with a smile.

“Well either way, I think you’re doing astounding.”

“I do whatever I can for her. She’s my everything and she’s kept me going since the war ended,” Shay said and fondly petted Jayme’s hair.

Jude smiled at the duo and continued on with his ice cream.

“Enough about me. What has life given you so far? What did you end up doing after Hogwarts?”

“I started working at the Ministry last year. I’m an Unspeakable. All thanks to you, of course.”

“Thanks to me?” Shay questioned.

“You started me on the path of Occlumency and Legilimency. I wouldn’t have a job without it.”

“I left before we could even get started with any of it. I hardly think you have anything to thank me for. You’ve gotten here on your own. I was a lousy teacher anyway,” Shay admitted.

“I don’t think you understand the impact you had on your students while you were at Hogwarts. You’re one of those people that are destined to get a place in our history. You’re one of those people that get books written about them. You’re a game changer Shay, don’t you realize that?” Jude insisted and leaned closer with every word.

Shay could feel his enthusiasm.

“I’m just a 27 year old single mother who is just trying to teach her daughter right from wrong. I think you have the wrong person.”

“You’re a 27 year old single mother who decided to become an auror even after all you’ve been through. I think I have the right person.”

Shay sat back in her chair and watched Jayme finish up the sundae.

“I’d like to take you on a date,” Jude interjected.

Shay gave him an incredulous look.

“Jude, I…” Shay started to let him down easy but Jude interrupted.

“Sure you can. I’d hate to have to remind you but you did already reject me once in my life, you couldn’t possibly do it again after this nice conversation we just had. Plus, I think your daughter likes me,” Jude said with his toothy grin.

Shay really did like his smile.

“My daughter likes ice cream,” Shay responded playfully.

She couldn’t tell if this was considered flirting. She hadn’t flirted in years.

“I’m a lot like ice cream.”

“How so?” Shay asked and couldn’t help the smile that played across her face.

“I’m a pretty simple guy, like vanilla or chocolate. But I can make things interesting when I’m up for it, let’s say I’m like rocky road in that sense. I can make you feel better when you’re sad, I’m also very rewarding. I can keep you cool on a hot day or make you remember summer when it snows. I’m also pretty damn sweet too.”

“Too much ice cream will make me fat,” Shay responded, once again finding herself playing into the absurdity of it all.

“That’s the thing about metaphorical ice cream. It doesn’t have the capabilities of making you fat. Not that the metaphorical ice cream would care because the metaphorical ice cream likes who you are, no matter your robe size.”

Shay couldn’t help but laugh. He was charming.

“Alright Mr. Metaphorical Ice Cream. I’ll go on a date with you.”

“Really?” Jude asked with wide eyes.

He couldn’t believe that actually worked.

“Jude, everyone likes ice cream.”



“That’s adorable,” Sirius dryly rolled out.

Shay gave him the dirtiest look she could muster up and responded.

“It worked,” Shay admitted and subconsciously leaned her body closer to Jude.

“Both of our careers were really kicking off so after about a year of dating we moved into this house and a year after that, June of 1989, we got married. It was a really small event,” Jude said and smiled at the memory.

“It was actually rather large. As soon as Jude’s mum heard, the whole damn Ministry and all of the greater London area was invited,” Shay added with semi-annoyance.

She still seemed to be a little peeved about the mishap.

“It was small for my family’s taste. Shay only invited a handful of people. More than she probably wanted to. Albus Dumbledore was there. How many people can say that Albus Dumbledore was at their wedding?”

“James and Lily,” Sirius, Remus and Shay all chimed in at the same time.

“That was a great day,” Sirius said with an introspective smile.

“It was. Shay, I remember you’re wedding day like it was yesterday. It certainly doesn’t feel like six years ago,” Remus added.

“It was an interesting day for us, wasn’t it?” Shay said and gave her head a small, embarrassed shake and Jude and Remus had matching grins on their faces.

“I feel like I’m missing something here,” Sirius interjected.

“The wedding almost didn’t happen,” Shay admitted and began her story.



“Hey. Emmeline told me that you wanted to see me. Is everything alright?” Remus asked with knowing concern as he entered the room Shay was occupying.

She was staring out the window at the crowd of people waiting for her to get married.

“Shay?” Remus called from the door as he shut it.

She turned around to face Remus. Aside from the horrified look on her face, she looked magnificent. Her hair was gathered on top of her head in an elegant way with soft tendrils framing her face. Her dress looked like it once belonged to a princess, with a delicate lace corset top and a billowing whiter than white skirt that completely hid her feet.

“You are breathtaking,” Remus complimented and walked toward his oldest friend.

“I can’t do this,” Shay admitted in a small voice.

Remus stopped in mid-stride.

“Of course you can.”

“No. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be, Remus. Look out there. Look at all of them. I don’t know any of them. I wanted a small wedding, where only the people I care about were there. Did you know that Jude’s parents invited the Malfoys? The Malfoys, Remus. And this dress…I feel as if I’m being suffocated. I didn’t want this dress but I wanted to make Jude’s mum happy. But now I’m not happy. I’m supposed to be getting married but I’m not happy,” Shay rambled and paced the room.

“I know you wanted a small ceremony, Shay. But look at the bright side; the Malfoys are not in attendance. They aren’t even that stupid. And like I said before, you look stunning. You would look good in a plastic bag and you know that. So what’s really the problem?” Remus asked gently.

“I would have had bride’s maids,” Shay responded and fell back into a chair.

Remus took a seat across from her and let out a heavy sigh. He knew exactly what she meant.

“I used to have friends. Do you know what happens when you have a wedding after all your friends have died? You have to invite your old professors to fill your section. What am I getting myself into?” Shay looked to Remus for help.

“You’re about to marry a man you love,” Remus simply replied.

“Do you ever think about if we would have gotten this far? Getting married and all?”

A sad smile appeared on Remus’s face. His eyes looked weary and tired.

“Of course I have, Shay. But you deserve better than me. You and Jayme deserve Jude.”

“We could make a really good family. Jayme adores you and I love you,” Shay whispered the last part.

“You know I love both you and Jayme. But you and I both know that you don’t love me the way you love Jude. He’s for you, Shay. You deserve a good man that will treat you and your daughter the way it ought to be. You’ve been through hell and you need to accept this good thing that is happening to you. You’ve worked hard, enjoy it,” Remus explained with poignant eyes.

Shay got up and looked out at the window again. Jude was down there waiting for her. He looked nervous but still held a pleased smile on his face. He was happy to be getting married to her.

“How do you know that I love him?”

“It’s the way you look at him. You used to look at Sirius that way. To be honest Shay, you never looked at me that way.”

Shay turned and gave him a remorseful look.

“I’m sorry if I ever put you through any pain. I’ve been a bad friend. I’ve toyed with your emotions over and over again. Niki would probably kill me for what I’ve done to you. I can’t take it back and I’m still astounded that you’ve remained friends with me. You’re the only person I’ve ever known that has kept his promises to me. You never left, you never hurt me. Remus, I wish with every bone in my body, every cell of my being that I could love you the way I want to. I wish I could,” Shay finished with tears freely rolling down her face.

Remus stepped over to her and pulled out his handkerchief. He gently wiped away the tears and the mascara that ran down her cheeks.

“Please stop crying. I know you tried with me. That’s all that counts in my opinion. You found a good man and he’s down there, waiting to marry you. Don’t make him wait any longer,” Remus said and kissed her on the forehead softly.

Shay took a deep breath and quickly composed herself. She grabbed Remus’s hands before speaking to him.

“Are you ready to give me away?”

“It’ll be my honor.”



“So let me get this straight, you know about this? And you all find this funny now?” Sirius asked Jude.

He was completely confounded.

“I knew who Shay was when I married her. She was…how do I say it?” Jude pondered.

“Damaged goods,” Shay finished for him with an endearing smile.

Sirius felt a pang of guilt.

“What Shay likes to refer to as “damaged goods” I like to refer to as “being human”. I never doubted my love for her but I know she’s had her doubts and that’s fine. We’ve made it this far. We have great careers, a great home, friends, and we have a beautiful, outstanding daughter. Something must have gone right,” Jude explained and held Shay’s hand tightly.

“You two never decided to have kids of your own?” Sirius asked outright.

Jude looked baffled and somewhat hurt by the question. Shay seemed as if she had saw it coming.

“There were complications when Jayme was born. I can’t have anymore kids,” she stated.

Sirius gave her a pitiful, apologetic look. Just another thing he had taken away from her, he thought.

“I think I’m ready to call it a night,” Shay said softly.

Remus and Jude nodded in agreement and both got up from the table. Shay and Sirius remained seated.

“When can I see her again?” Sirius asked.

“I don’t know. Jude and I have to discuss it,” Shay responded robotically.

“Jude,” Sirius made eye contact with him, “I’d really like to get to know her. There is no ulterior motive to make her my own. I wouldn’t do that to her. I know that she thinks of you as her father, and you have treated her as such. I thank you for that. I thank you for doing what I couldn’t. But I would like to get to know my daughter.”

Jude looked at him for a while then put a hand on Shay’s shoulder and looked down at her.

“I think we can figure something out. Until next time, Sirius.”

Jude held out his hand.

“Until next time.”

Chapter 27: Polyjuice
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*the plot & OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.



12 Grimmauld Place was a flutter. The day had come that the advanced guard was going to retrieve Harry Potter from the Dursley household. Shay had just arrived and was greeted by the eight others that would be traveling with her plus the whole Weasley clan, Sirius and Severus Snape.

“Shay, it’s good to see you here,” Emmeline walked up and gave Shay a hug.

“I told Albus and Mad-Eye I would be here, so here I am,” Shay explained with a tight smile.

If she was honest, she would tell them how nervous she was about the whole thing.

“Let’s hurry this up. There’s a schedule we have to maintain,” Mad-Eye said from his chair in the corner and took a swig from his flask.

Shay rolled her eyes at Mad-Eye’s persistence and relaxed a little.

“So what would you like me to do first?” Shay asked and casually leaned against the wall.

“No! Don’t!” everyone said at the same time.

Shay looked bewildered before her ears were encompassed with a loud screeching, shrill voice.

“Get off me you filthy blood traitor!”

Shay shot away from the wall and the blanket that was hanging there came with her.

“How dare you!” Walburga Black screamed from her portrait.

Shay turned to face Sirius. Her expression was wide-eyed shock.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Shay complained and pointed her thumb back at the portrait.

Sirius shook his head and ran his hand over his chin.

“I’ve been trying to take the damn thing off the wall since I got back here. The old hag stuck herself there and she never SHUTS UP,” Sirius hollered the last two words at his dead mother.

“You! Why are you in my house?! Disgrace! You’re all a disgrace!” Walburga shouted at the room.

“Shut your trap, you old loon! Don’t make me try to figure out how to kill a person that’s already dead,” Shay said and pointed her wand at the portrait, Mrs. Black dodged the blows.

“You soiled the family name. Having children with my blood traitor son. I always knew that you were no good!”

Shay rolled her eyes and gave Sirius a quick glance before gathering the blanket and throwing it back over the portrait.

“I’ve had just about enough of you. Merlin, I hope I don’t get stuck with my mum after she croaks,” Shay joked with a tense smile.

“Let’s go in the dining room to finish this,” Remus suggested and rounded the group through the door.

“Shay, Severus has made a Polyjuice potion for you. We would like for you to take it now and it should last just long enough,” Remus explained and Severus stepped forward with a small bottle of foul smelling, thick liquid.

Shay put her hand out and Snape set the bottle in her palm.

“Thanks Sev. So what am I going to look like?”

“Taller, plumper, short black hair. Quite average and ordinary,” Severus said with a playful sneer.

They’re relationship had come such a long way.

“You’re wish has finally come true. You know, a few years ago I wouldn’t have even touched this bottle. It would have been fill with poison,” Shay said a playfully nudged Severus in the side.

The two of them heard Sirius clear his throat and Severus spoke again after whipping Sirius a deadly glare.

“Just drink it. There are some clothes for you in the bathroom upstairs. If you like your clothes, you may want to change into the new set first. Make sure to drink it all. We want this to last as long as possible. I made a dose and a half for you, so that’s about one and a half hours before you change back.”

“That’ll be more than enough time if we ever get out of this hellhole,” Made-Eye spouted but was seemingly ignored by everyone else.

“Tonks, what time did you say the event was at?” Remus asked while looking at his watch.

“7 o’clock. Those dumb bastards are in for one hell of a shock,” Tonks chuckled and Shay noticed an admiring smile play across Remus’s lips.

“Well, it’s quarter after six, so we should get going soon,” Remus said and that was Shay’s cue to exit.

Shay walked down the familiar hallway to get to the restroom. The house was silent upstairs besides a boy with a shock a red hair, another Weasley, and brown haired girl that she presumed was his girlfriend, or at least they fought like they were in a relationship.

Shay entered the bathroom and found a new wardrobe hanging on the back of the door. She stripped of her own clothes and replaced them with the new ones. She wasn’t drowning in the clothes but they were loose fitting and the robe completely covered her feet. Shay held the bottle out in front of herself and was trying to get the courage to take it in one gulp. She had never had polyjuice potion before but had heard awful things about it.

Shay put the vial to her lips and pulled her head back. As soon as the liquid touched her lips, she wanted to gag. She steeled herself and swallowed the formula in a gulp or two and dropped the vial as she tried to not wretch it all up. She felt the formation start at her toes as her feet grew to fit the shoes. It was a weird, almost painful sensation. She felt her legs and her spine grow to fit the clothes and her stomach filled out a little. She watched her hair shrink and turn as black as Sirius’s. Her eyes turned a light honey brown and her now full cheeks turned a rosy pink color.

Severus was right. She was quite average and ordinary. It was weird for Shay. She had looked like herself for thirty-five years and this was the almost exact opposite. It was exciting in a way and it would help keep her and her family safe.

After she was done examining her new self, she descended back down the stairs, ready to face the reaction.

“Can somebody tell me my name?” Shay asked as she entered the kitchen.

She was surprised to hear her own voice come out.

“Hestia Jones,” Severus answered.

He seemed impressed with his work.

“Did you remember to bring your broom?” Tonks asked as she was examining Shay, or Hestia, closely.

“Yes but like I told you already, I haven’t flown since I was about twenty years old. You’ll find me painted on the concrete some where outside of London after I’ve fallen to my death,” Shay worried and moved Tonks away from her.

“You’re a natural on a broom. You don’t just lose that,” Remus said with an encouraging smile.

“Alright, Remus. But when something happens, you get to tell Jude.”




“Follow me! Number 4 is right down here,” Mad-Eye yelled from the front of the pack.

He started to make his descent and everyone followed suit. As Remus predicted, Shay handled herself very well on her broom. She forgot how much fun being in the air could be. She loved that feeling of the wind in her hair and her body feeling weightless.

Soon enough they were standing outside of 4 Privet Dr.

“Let’s get on with it,” Mad-Eye said and practically busted through the door.

So much for being subtle.

“Is he trying to give the kid a damn heart attack?” Shay whispered fiercely to Remus who just shrugged in tired defeat.

“Ugh, look at this house. I think I’m going to be sick,” Tonks criticized as she examined the front hall.

“They’re the worst muggles I’ve ever met. This house being so generic doesn’t surprise me at all,” Shay replied while looking at the pictures that lined the hall.

Shay did not see Harry’s face anywhere, just the abnormally large noggin that belonged to Dudley Dursley.

“I didn’t know they had such an infinity for whales,” Tonks whispered with a wicked smile.

“You’re horrible,” Shay laughed and shook her head.

“Who’s there?” they heard the boy’s voice from the top of the stairs.

Shay stopped in her tracks and her mouth went dry. She had never heard Harry’s voice before. He not only looked like his father but also sounded remarkably like him to.

Shay could barely breathe when Harry finally came into view. This is the closest she had been near him since he was a baby before James and Lily went into hiding. She had seen him when she dropped Jayme off at Platform 9 ¾ for her first year. He was 15 years old now and becoming a man. He seemed to be taller but not as tall as James was but his hair was just as messy. His glasses were a bit askew and he seemed flustered and nervous about what was happening before him. But who wouldn’t be, Shay thought. It’s not everyday you find nine random witches and wizards in your muggle relatives’ house.

Shay was zoning out, completely fixated on Harry when she heard Remus say her fake name.

“Hestia Jones,” Remus said and nodded his head towards her.

Shay felt a bright smile appear on her face and she gave him a dumb-looking wave. Harry returned a shy one. She had the urge to correct Remus and tell Harry her real name. But that would defeat the whole purpose.

Shay noticed that Tonks and Harry had left the kitchen. She guessed that they had gone upstairs to pack.

“You can speak to him, you know,” Remus said with a warm smile.

“I don’t want him to know somebody who’s not real. Right now I’m fine with just seeing him with my own two eyes,” Shay replied.

“Do you regret taking the Polyjuice potion?” Remus asked.

Before Shay could answer, Mad-Eye jumped in.

“Of course she does. She a damn auror. She wouldn’t be one if she didn’t like risk. It’s that damn husband of hers. Unspeakables don’t know the meaning of risk and sacrifice,” he grunted out.

Shay pierced her lips and raised an eyebrow at him. He was vocally not happy about Shay disguising herself. He took at as a personal insult, feeling as if he hadn’t made her a stronger, more courageous auror. Shay didn’t take his anger personally at all. Mad-Eye was always angry about something.

“Another jab at my husband and that damn eye of yours will be stuck at the end of this,” Shay said with a smirk and held up an odd muggle tool at the old man.

Mad-Eye just grunted and took a swig from his flask. Shay laughed at him and was examining the sharp, rounded kitchen tool when Harry and Tonks reentered. This meant it was just about time to head back to Grimmauld Place. Shay watched Mad-Eye hit Harry over the head with his wand and before Shay could get another look at him, Harry had disappeared. She couldn’t help but keep the disappointment hidden from her face. She couldn’t despair though. She was sure that she was going to see a lot more of Harry Potter.




The Advanced Guard brought Harry back the headquarters without a hitch. Shay fled to the kitchen quickly when they entered the house. She knew that there were many people that Harry was close to that couldn’t wait to see the boy. She felt the need to be out of the way for that. Secondly, she was sure that the Polyjuice potion was about to come to an end and she was sure it would give a hell of a surprise to the unknowing Harry. The last thing he needed tonight was another shock.

“You’re still here?” Shay asked, surprised to see Severus in the kitchen.

“I wanted to make sure that the potion worked as it was supposed to. I’m glad to see you didn’t change mid-air,” Snape said while folding up his Daily Prophet.

Shay looked at him sideways. Severus was a potions master and she remembered from school that the Polyjuice Potion was not a very hard potion to make. She didn’t understand why he would be worried about the outcome of his creation.

“Are you going to say hello to Harry? He’s just out in the hall,” Shay asked with a teasing smile.

Severus’s lips pierced in a disapproving matter.

“Potter gets far more attention then anyone would ever need. Especially when he has your boyfriend and the wolf fawning over his every move. And don’t even get me started on Weasley’s insufferable mothering of him,” Severus drawled, his annoyance highly apparent.

“Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?” Shay continued teasing.

She let out a small chuckle at his scowl then suddenly felt her toes tingling in a familiar sensation.

“I think the potion is finally running out,” Shay said with a bit of a panic.

“You should step in that pantry over there. It will only take a minute for you to transform back. Do you have your clothes on you?” Snape asked and led her towards the pantry that was just off the kitchen.

“Yes, I shrunk them and they’re in my pocket. Thanks, Sev,” Shay said and shut the door behind her.

It didn’t take long before the transformation was complete. She barely was able to turn the light on before it was finished. Her hair was already long and blonde by then. It wasn’t until she was half way out of her now-baggy blouse when she saw a small shadow by her feet. It startled her and she fell back into the wall, knocking over a broom and a few cans fell off their shelves.

“More blood traitors…mudbloods and blood traitors in mistress’s house,” Shay heard a mumbling from under the bottom shelf.

She put her own shirt on before crouching down, wand in hand, to identify the intruder. In the shadows lurked one of the ugliest house elves she had ever seen. Kreacher. Of course she remembered that blasted elf.

“Creep,” Shay said under her breath and opened the door to escape.

“What happened in there? There seemed to be some sort of commotion,” Molly asked as she was pouring tea for herself, Arthur and a few other Order members.

“Kreacher,” Shay explained with a grimace and everyone seemed to groan.

“Honestly, Sirius. Just give the damn thing a sock or handkerchief. He’s the most miserable creature I’ve ever seen,” Shay suggested and sat at the table, gladly excepting a cup of tea from Molly.

“Don’t you think I want him gone?” Sirius snapped, “He knows too much. He’s a damn nuisance but as long he is under my house’s service, he cannot speak a word of what goes on here.”

Shay was confused by Sirius’s tone towards her but carried on.

“Why don’t you just stick him in the room with that hippogriff?” Shay recommended humorously.

“Merlin, Shay. He’s still a living creature,” Emmeline piped up.

“Settle, Em. It was just a joke,” Shay explained and waved her off.

“Are you going to stay for dinner?” Molly asked politely as she took a seat next to Arthur.

“No thank you. I promised Jude and Jayme that I would be home for dinner tonight. As my fellow aurors know, the lengths of our workdays are growing by the week. Jude and I are just trying to make sure that at least one of use is there to have dinner with Jayme.”

“So you just leave her alone on the nights you both have to work?” Sirius asked with concern but there was also an underhanded insulting tone to the question.

“She has never been left without supervision in her life. Not until she is a year or two older. I have worked very hard to make sure that she has never felt abandoned. Remus can attest to that. I’m a good mother, Sirius. If you think otherwise, then that is something we can discuss in private,” Shay explained sternly.

Sirius opened his mouth to speak again but suddenly decided against it.

“I really must run. Thank you for the tea Molly. I will see you all soon,” Shay bid her farewell with a kind smile.

“It’s no trouble at all. We all hope to see you around here a bit more often,” Molly offered a smile back.

“You know I’ll try my best.”




“How did everything go?” Jude asked Shay as they were both settling into bed.

“Everything went as planned. Harry was a tad confused when he found the nine of us in his home but he seemed happy to be reunited with the Weasleys and Sirius. The boy has a lot to confront though. Fudge is still trying to expel him from Hogwarts,” Shay explained with a small shake of her head.

“The man is a fool. He’s trying to turn that poor boy into a villain,” Jude said and pushed a piece of hair out of Shay’s face.

She gave him a thankful smile.

“Harry will never be the villain. There are too many people with right minds. However, I do fear that he will one day become a martyr. I wish I could help him more,” Shay explained sadly and turned off her light.

“How was it? Seeing him again? I know how much he means to you. How dear his parents were to your heart,” Jude asked and laid next to Shay, wrapping an arm around her.

“I wish he could have met me and not Hestia Jones, whoever that is.”

“Would you like him to meet the real you?” Jude asked quietly.

“Of course. I was supposed to be his godmother, you know. But when he was born they all presumed I was dead. I’d like to think that I would have had a big part in his life. However, if meeting him would endanger our family or him meeting me doing the same, then I can just push my own desires out of mind.”

The darkness made their silence all the more consuming. Shay had thought that Jude had fallen asleep mid-conversation.

“From now on, if you want to participate in the Order as yourself, you have my blessing,” Jude said and planted a soft kiss on her neck.

Shay rolled over and looked her husband in the eyes. She loved him very much at that moment. He always had a keen ability to surprise her with kind actions.

“Not if it will put us in danger,” Shay stated and lightly grazed his lips with her own.

Jude offered a sleepy smile to her and kissed her on the forehead before shutting his eyes.




Shay couldn’t sleep. Not after the conversation she had with Jude. Definitely not after everything that had happened that day. She had left her bed hours before, not wanting her tossing and turning to disturb her husband. And now, she had found herself back at Grimmauld Place. The house was silent. It was well past midnight so she hadn’t expected anything different. She wasn’t really sure of what to so with herself in the large, sleeping house. She could barely recall why she came. But she made her way up the stairs anyway.

She stopped at the open doorway of Harry’s room. He looked younger while he slept but she guessed that’s how most people were. Humans are at their most innocent while their minds are shut to the evils of the world their bodies live in.

She crept in further towards Harry’s bed. He was sharing his room with his friend. Shay believed it was Molly and Arthur’s youngest son, Ron. She was able to sit on the edge of Harry’s bed without disturbing either of the boys. The last thing she wanted was to give the two a heart attack.

While Shay quietly examined the sleeping boy, she felt the need to heal the scar that marred his forehead. She knew that it was impossible but it was such a painful scar. Not just physically as she had heard the scar gave Harry searing pain at moments but the emotional pain seemed to be so much worse. She couldn’t imagine how Harry felt having to see the scar that represented his parents’ death everyday. All she wanted was to take that away from him.

She loved the boy. She loved him as if he was her own. Yet, she had never even had a conversation with him. She remembered the first time she held him. It was after see came back from the grasp of Lord Voldemort and she had no memory of the ones she loved. But she didn’t have to remember Harry; he had been new and innocent to all the evil things that had been placed against him even before birth. And now she sat beside him, lightly stroking his hair, hoping that he didn’t wake. It wasn’t time for them to meet.

It all started to become too much for Shay. She felt her eyes well up and she ushered herself out of the room before she could be anymore of a disturbance. She looked back for one last glance before descending back down the stairs.

“Late night visit? It’s been a while since you’ve done one of those here,” Shay heard Sirius say from the corner of the dark living room.

Her breath hitched and she placed her hand over her heart before recollecting herself. She hadn’t expected anyone to be up at this hour.

“I’m sorry if I woke you. I just couldn’t sleep…” Shay trailed off.

She was still trying to relax from the shock she just received.

“You didn’t. I couldn’t sleep tonight either. Not with Harry here now,” Sirius admitted and stepped into the light a bit.

“Would you like a cup of tea? It seems like you’re a bit upset,” Sirius asked after he saw her watery eyes.

“I just wish some things could have been different,” Shay said with a shrug.

“But they’re not. You can get to know him Shay. He’d love to hear about his parents from you. I also think that if you share your experiences with You-Know-Who, that it would be a great help to him as well,” Sirius shared and offered her a smile.

“Your mood towards me has changed quite a bit from this evening. Maybe we should only speak during the wee hours of the night,” Shay joked with a smirk.

“I’m sorry. Some times I just let this house get the best of me,” Sirius said and leaned on the wall next to her.

“I imagine it must be tough. But this is the safest place for you. You’ve always have been good at placing yourself in danger. I would like you to get to know our daughter a bit more. So please, Sirius, be safe,” Shay said and affectionately patted his chest.

Sirius returned a warm smile.

“Right back at you. I think you’re brave for rejoining the Order. I know I’ve given you a hard time about it, but I understood your reluctance at first.”

“I suppose you’ll be the first to know this. I won’t be taking another Polyjuice Potion,” Shay confessed and looked for his reaction.

He seemed a bit surprised.

“Did you just decide this?” he asked quietly.

“Jude suggested it tonight. He knows how much it killed me to be someone else today. In my mind, it’s a bit of a cowardly thing to do.”

“He’s very kind to you. I can tell that he loves you a lot.”

“And I love him. He’s always been supportive,” Shay explained and ended with an awkward silence.

It was just a conversation the two of them couldn’t have.

“I should get going now. I want to get back before Jude notices that I’m gone,” Shay said quickly and turned to face Sirius.

“We’re having a birthday party for Jayme on Saturday. We’ll have defense charms guarding the house so I believe it will be safe you to come. We would really love to see you there. Jayme asked specifically if you would be attending,” Shay grinned at the last part.

“Of course I’ll come. Tell her to expect a wonderful birthday present from me,” Sirius expressed, his eyes wild with excitement.

“Nothing that will get her into trouble, Sirius,” Shay warned but smirked at him.

“I’ll do my best,” Sirius said and jokingly gave her a small bow.

“I’ll see you on Saturday,” Shay said and suddenly decided to give him a hug.

She wished she hadn’t. It felt forced and disconnected. She wondered if he was too shocked by the sudden contact. Shay hadn’t felt so embarrassed in a long time.

“See you on Saturday,” Sirius said slowly, feeling quite awkward himself.

He wasn’t too happy with how he handled that situation. She apparated quickly and left the house silent once again. All Sirius could think about was how to get things back to way they used to be. Or at least he thought that’s what he wanted. He was barely sure of himself in these times, for nothing was certain anymore.

Chapter 28: A Bottle of Wine Later...
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*the plot and OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.



Sirius and Remus entered the Borchardt resident as inconspicuously as possible. It was a subtle affair. Jayme had her friends over earlier in the day and Jude’s parents, brother and his brother’s family were not in attendance because of Sirius. Shay had the joy of entertaining the in-laws the day before. Tonks and Emmeline were there. Emmeline was at all of Jayme’s events. She was her godmother and Remus was her godfather. Mad-Eye was there as well. He had quite the affection for Jayme. He practically watched the girl grow up.

“Remus, Sirius. It’s great to see the both of you,” Shay said with a genuine smile as she walked towards them from the living room.

“Remus!” Jayme exclaimed and ran towards the aging werewolf.

She wrapped his arms around him and Remus returned the gesture.

“Happy birthday, kiddo. I hope you’ve gotten excellent gifts so far,” Remus said with an enduring smile.

Jayme nodded her head excitedly and turned to Sirius.

“Sirius! Mum just told me this morning that you were actually coming,” Jayme said and hugged Sirius as well.

He hesitated, overcome with shock, for a moment then gently wrapped his arms around his little girl.

It was the first time he hugged his daughter. It took all his willpower and more not to succumb to the hot tears that threatened to spill over. Shay recognized this moment and smiled to herself.

“Jayme,” Shay said and petted her daughter’s long blonde hair, “why don’t we let them take a seat and get comfortable. You can show them what you’ve gotten so far.”

Jayme agreed and grabbed Sirius’s hand and tugged him forward.

“Come on. You can sit by me.”

Jayme and Sirius whisked past Shay and Remus. She looked at Remus and gave him the best smile she could however he could see certain sadness behind it. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him. He gave Shay a kiss on the side of her head and spoke softly into her hair.

“Are you ok?”

Shay brought her hand up to his that he placed on her shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.

“Of course I am. My baby is 13 today. Plus that was a really nice moment he just had,” Shay spoke quietly and Remus knew that she was talking about Sirius and Jayme’s hug.

“But not a very nice moment for someone else,” Remus alluded to Jude.

Shay’s jaw tightened and she pursed her lips in what seemed to be a brief annoyance.

“This day is not about Jude,” Shay stated and headed towards the rest of the group.

Remus was taken aback by Shay’s sudden coldness towards her husband but figured he could ask her about it later and followed her towards the others.

“Here, this is what Alastor got me,” Jayme said and placed an item in Sirius’s hands.

“A Sneakoscope. Very fitting, Mad-Eye,” Sirius said with a laugh and examined the object.

“It’ll keep all the bad intentions away. If more girls have had these, you would have never have gotten a date,” Mad-Eye said in a grunt and Sirius gave him a hardy laugh and a light slap on the back.

“And I’m glad they didn’t. Keep this close to you, Jayme. It’s the real deal. You need things like this in times like these,” Sirius explained and gave the item back to her.

She smiled and picked up Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century that Emmeline got her.

“You like to read?” Sirius asked.

Jayme hugged the book to her chest and nodded her head.

“You should see the library we have for her. If she adds anymore books, it will soon rival the one at Hogwarts,” Jude said from his chair.

“I honestly don’t know where she gets it from. I was never much of a reader myself,” Shay added and sat next to her daughter.

“You were too busy hanging out with us. It’s not like James or I would have ever let you finish a book, even if you wanted to,” Sirius said, smiling at old memories.

“That’s not much of an excuse. I always made time to read,” Remus interjected.

“You were much more disciplined than I was. However, I made up for the lack of reading with a meaningful social life,” Shay joked.

“Here kid, this one’s from me,” Tonks half shouted, excited for Jayme to open the present.

Jayme ripped open the blue paper and found a small plain-looking box. Jayme seemed confused and looked questioningly up to Tonks.

“Just go on,” Tonks urged.

Jayme opened the box and looked into it. Still puzzled, she reached her hand in and found that, impossibly, she could fit her whole arm in the tiny cardboard cube. She finally felt something fall against her hand and she pulled it out. Jayme was astounded to find that a broom had somehow been hidden in the box.

“I was talking to your mum the other day and she had mentioned that you didn’t have a broom. I just thought that was a bunch of crock. Everyone should have a broom. It’s a Comet 290. A real good broom to perfect your flying skills on. You’ll be a pro in no time,” Tonks gushed.

Jayme smiled brightly and closely examined the handsome broom.

“This is amazing, Tonks! I can’t believe you got me a broom. Dad always says it’s good to have one, even if it’s just to travel with.”

“I was tempted to get you a Firebolt, but I figured your parents would kill me for that one,” Tonks said with a laugh. 

“Thank you, Tonks. You really shouldn’t have,” Shay said with an appreciative smile.

“I knew what Tonks was getting you so I picked up something that might pique your interest, and there is something else as well.”

Remus offered over his present to Jayme. She opened it quickly and found two more books in front of her. The one on top was the Handbook of Do-It-Yourself Broomcare and on the bottom was a book on magical creatures.

“There is a thirty paged section on werewolves in this one. I went through it and outlined the best parts, as per usual,” Remus said as Jayme scanned to the chapter he was talking about.

Jayme had been fascinated by the fact that Remus was a werewolf ever since he had divulged the information to her when she was eight. She wanted to know everything she could about lycanthropy. Jayme had been declaring for a long time that after she graduated from school, she wanted to get a job in law practice so she could change the laws that inhibited her beloved godfather from living the best life he could.

“More ridiculousness as usual?” Jayme asked with a small smirk while she was reading through some of the notes Remus had left.

“As always,” Remus responded with a smile and was happy with her reaction.

“Alright, I think you have one more present,” Shay said after she noticed Sirius holding a small gift in his hand.

He seemed nervous while he was awkwardly fumbling the box from hand to hand.

“Here you go,” Sirius offered anxiously and lightly placed the gift in Jayme’s hand.

Underneath the wrapping paper revealed a jewelry box. Jayme opened it and made a toothy grin.

“It’s beautiful, Sirius!” Jayme said and pulled a necklace out of the box.

It was a fine chain, made out of what seemed to be white gold. At the bottom of the chain, there was a dog that was engraved out of the same material. Jayme opened the chain to put it around her neck.

“Here, I can help you with the clasp,” Sirius said and Jayme turned her back to him so he could take the necklace out of her hands.

“How did you know that dogs are my favorite animal?” Jayme asked.

“They’re my favorite as well,” Sirius replied with a million dollar smile and successfully attached the necklace to itself.

“Thank you,” Jayme said and showed her appreciation with a hug.

Once again a little shocked, Sirius only hesitated a second to hug her back.

“When we have some alone time later on, I have the second half of your present. I can’t give it to you with your parents around,” Sirius whispered.

Jayme pulled away with an eager smile and Sirius gave her a small wink. Shay looked their way and felt a pang of disapproval but hid it, not wanting to ruin the moment.


The day had gone well and the gathering was dwindling down. Mad-Eye and Emmeline had left after dinner and cake and it was looking as if the other guest were going to make their exit soon. Sirius had to give the second half of his present before he lost his chance.

He stepped out to use the restroom but instead treaded up the stairs to find Jayme’s room. It was easy to find. It wasn’t too far down the hall and on the door was a poster of some new wizard band that was having their 15 minutes. Sirius softly knocked on the door, not wanting to scare her.

“Come in,” she called and Sirius cracked the door open.

“I’m not disturbing you, am I?” Sirius inquired as he stood in between the door and its frame.

“No. You can step in if you’d like,” Jayme welcomed.

She was sitting on her bed with her new broom in her lap.

“You mind if I take a seat?” Sirius asked and pointed to the spot next to Jayme.

She shook her head and adjusted the broom a little so he could sit.

“That’s a nice broom Tonks got you. Much better than the one I had at school,” Sirius said and felt the wood of the handle between in thumb and index finger.

“Did you play quidditch?”

“Yes I did. With your mum and James Potter. We even won the cup a few times. Those were some great times, beating those sodding Slytherin idiots,” Sirius said with a grin.

“Was my mum good? She never really talks about stuff like that,” Jayme asked and got up from the bed.

“She was great. She and I were beaters together. We took a bad hit when she left the team 7th year,” Sirius admitted.

“Why did she leave the team? She’s always talking about how quitting is the worst thing someone can do,” Jayme questioned and set the broom against the wall.

Sirius eyes grew wide when he realized what he had done. He had forgotten that Jayme knew nothing of her mother’s first pregnancy. He was deemed speechless. He couldn’t believe that he had the possibility of screwing everything up.

“Sirius? Hellooo. Earth to Sirius,” Jayme said, waving a hand in front of Sirius’s face, bringing him back to the moment.

Sirius just stared at her and tried to think of a way to get out of his current predicament.

“I want to give you your gift before Remus and I head out,” Sirius said, deciding to just switch topics completely.

Jayme gave him a skeptical eyebrow raise, something he had seen from Shay many times before. He couldn’t help but chuckle at her.

“Here. Your mum told me that you have a bit of a mischievous streak. This may help you out in that area,” Sirius said and pulled another small box out of his pocket.

This time he set in on the bed and tapped it with his wand. It enlarged to the size of a typical packing box. Jayme’s eye lit up a bit and she placed herself in front of the box.

“What is it?” Jayme asked and placed her hands on the box, ready to see its contents.

“You’re going to have to open it to find out,” Sirius urged, his excitement growing to match her own.

She undid the wrapping and tape on the box and soon found the glory of what the box held. It was a prankster’s paradise. There was a plethora of items that Jayme recognized from Zonko’s and some she had never seen before.

“I found this stuff the other day in my old bedroom. I had completely forgotten that I stashed it away years ago.”

“What’s this?” Jayme asked and held up a small circular plastic object.

“Ah…this was one of our creations. You put this on something like a diary and when somebody who is not supposed to read it decides to do so, it gives them a good zap. They can’t get past the first page,” Sirius explained with a proud smile.

“So you made some of these?”

“The Marauders did,” Sirius answered.

Jayme gave him a puzzling look.

“The who?”

“That was me, James, Remus and Peter’s calling card. The Marauders racked up the most detention hours in Hogwarts history to date,” Sirius said and handed the object back to Jayme.

“Sounds like you had a lot of fun in school,” Jayme said while rummaging around the rest of the contents.

“We made our time very interesting. I was a bit of a prat at times but we were all pretty much harmless.”

“Thank you Sirius. This is all great. My friends are going to love this,” Jayme thanked him.

“Just don’t tell your mum and dad that I gave you this stuff. Your mother knows where I live and she will not hesitate to make me less of a man,” Sirius said in a joking manner but Jayme knew that her parents would not be happy if they found the box.

“You’re secret safe with me,” Jayme said with a crooked smirk.

“And just remember that pranks are to be pulled only on people that deserve it and that Slytherin always deserved to be pranked.”

Jayme thought that Sirius was joking. Little did she know how serious he actually was.

“Thanks again Sirius,” Jayme said and gave Sirius a quick hug, “I probably won’t see you before I go back to school. Are you going to spend Christmas with us?”

“I have to talk to your parents about it, but I’m sure I’ll see you around, kid,” Sirius answered with a reassuring smile.

“I know that my dad doesn’t really like when you come over but I know that mum really does. She smiles a lot when you’re around,” Jayme said warmly.

“You’re dad doesn’t like me?” Sirius asked with a small smirk.

It wasn’t any surprise to him.

“I heard them fighting about you the other night,” Jayme divulged then felt bad for telling Sirius the personal information.

“I can understand where your dad is coming from. If I had a wife, I wouldn’t want her talking to an escaped convict,” Sirius told Jayme and gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

“It’s not like they’re going to get a divorced or anything. All I’m saying is that she likes having you around. You probably make her feel young again.”

Sirius sat in silence. He took a side-glance at his daughter. He was starting to notice that they had similar demeanors. He could tell that she didn’t like to show people any weakness and tried to keep her cool in all situations. Sitting next to her was really starting to mess with his mind.

“Sirius,” Remus called and opened the bedroom door, “You ready to go?”

“Yea,” Sirius responded, startled out of his train of thought.

“What do you have here?” Remus asked and walked over to the box.

Jayme seemed nervous that Remus would disapprove of the contents of the box. Sirius, however, knew better.

“Wow,” Remus muttered while going through the box, “I can’t believe you kept all this stuff.”

“I found it the other day. I still can’t believe that Kreacher never got to it,” Sirius said and got up from the bed.

“Don’t let your mother find this. She’ll kill Sirius, then she’ll kill me for good measure,” Remus joked.

“I know. Sirius already told me,” Jayme said and closed the box up.

“We have to head out. Have fun at school and don’t get into too much trouble,” Remus said and pulled Jayme in for a hug.

“All I’m going to say is don’t get caught,” Sirius said with a mischievous smirk.

“I’ll do my best,” Jayme said with a smirk that matched his own.

Sirius thought he would never get over the fact that at the briefest moments, he saw pieces of himself in the girl that looked so much like the woman he loved. He couldn’t help but be mad at himself for missing the past 13 years.



“She’s kind of a peculiar child, isn’t she?” Sirius asked Remus as they sat in his kitchen.

The house was rather quiet for how many people inhabited it. The Weasley clan, Harry, Hermione, Sirius and Remus made ten. Twelve if Kreacher and Buckbeak were included.

“What do you mean?” Remus responded.

“It’s just that she looks so much like Shay but the more I get to know her, the more I see that she acts like me. But she’s not either Shay, nor me” Sirius explained while picking at a chip in the table.

“She’s a child. Genetically she’s half you and half Shay. But children eventually turn into their own person. She’s really taking a liking to you though,” Remus said.

“Are you surprised by that?” Sirius asked, feeling somewhat offended.

“Don’t get in a huff. What I’m trying to say is that Jayme has never been one for building relationships. She’s only got a handful of friends at school and she is completely fine with that. She’s an introspective girl that likes to do what she wants. The last thing she will do is conform to something. It took a long time for her and Jude to get to the point that she calls him dad. He had to work very hard on that relationship. That fact that she is so keen to you is a bit surprising. She’s not one to put her trust in just anyone,” Remus clarified.

“Do you think she knows I’m her real dad?” Sirius asked quietly, as if he was asking himself more than Remus.

Remus opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by a knock. The two looked over to the hall and saw Shay standing at the opening of the kitchen.

“You two feel like hanging out for a bit?” Shay asked and displayed the bottle of wine that was occupying her hand.

Sirius and Remus looked at each other and shrugged.

“As long as you plan on sharing that,” Sirius answered with a smile.

There was no way they were going to turn down a nice bottle of wine and the company of an old friend.



“You’re an old fool if you don’t ask her out soon,” Shay insisted, stabbing a hole in Remus’s chest with her finger.

Two bottles of wine and a half bottle of fire whiskey later, the three of them were all feeling quite inebriated.

“She deserves better than me,” Remus admitted as he tried to push Shay’s drunken finger away.

“Bullocks. She likes you and you know it. You’re just a big scaredy cat. I mean, come on Remus, you haven’t been with anyone since…well…me!” Shay exclaimed astounded, flourishing her hands about just to get her point across.

“How would you know?” Remus accused, on the defense.

“You would have told me,” Shay said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“It’s been 14 years,” Shay added, feeling sorry for her closest friend.

“Merlin man. I haven’t had sex in 14 years but I was locked up in bloody Azkaban,” Sirius inserted and gave Remus a shake of his head.

“I have never been one for talking about my sex life and that certainly isn’t going to change now. Let’s drop it,” Remus insisted and crossed his arms over his chest in a huff.

“I’m just saying,” Sirius said and raised his hands in protest, “If you need my permission to date Nymphadora, you have it. I just want you to be happy, mate.”

Sirius had a drunken, sloppy grin on his face that made Remus roll his eyes.

“Who said I needed your permission?” Remus asked angrily.

“She is my cousin. I think I might have some say,” Sirius argued.

Shay laughed at this.

“He doesn’t need your permission for anything. They’re both full-grown adults. Honestly, you barely know Tonks. She couldn’t have been more than nine when you went away,” Shay reasoned.

It was Sirius’s turn to pout.

“She is a 22 year old woman with a great job and a bright future. She’s the last person that needs a werewolf in her life. Let’s not forget the fact that I’m 35, unemployed and dirt poor. Now that I think about it, I can’t understand who wouldn’t want me. I’m a Grade A catch,” Remus explained, sarcasm dripping from his pores.

Shay stared at him intently while Sirius felt bad for his old friend.

“I think I know what it is,” Shay said suddenly and both Sirius and Remus turned their attention towards her.

“You never fully moved on after Niki died. I knew it back then and sitting here, I realize that it’s still the same situation,” Shay revealed.

Sirius looked intrigued while Remus looked a bit ashamed.

“She’d want you to be happy, Remus. She would be so upset if you thought anything else,” Shay said and gently rubbed his arm.

“I miss her a lot,” Sirius said suddenly.

“She was always so honest with me. She let me know when my ego was getting too big for the room. Merlin, she was fun to be around,” Sirius finished with a smile.

Remus seemed to relax a bit at the memory of his first love and Shay smiled in appreciation of Sirius’s words.

“A toast,” Sirius said and raised his glass, “To Niki and all the friends we lost in those terrible times.”

Shay and Remus raised their glasses and they all took a long drink.

“Merlin…remember when we used to be able to finish off one of these bottles in a night?” Shay asked Sirius as she shook the burning taste out of her mouth.

“Yes I do. I don’t always remember the aftermath of those nights,” Sirius said with a small chuckle.

“I was never one for drinking like this. The headache the day after just isn’t worth it,” Remus added.

“We used to have so much fun in school. I don’t think about those times enough,” Shay said with a whimsical smile.

“Remember when we finally got into the prefect’s bathroom?” Sirius asked with a smile that matched Shay’s.

“I remember how pissed Lily was about it. I remember the first detention you and James got me,” Shay said and shook her head in dismay.

“The one with Slughorn? You did that all on your own,” Sirius explained, oblivious to her annoyance.

“I most certainly did not. You two were the ones that were horsing around and knocked over the cauldron,” Shay accused, getting riled up over the event that happened 24 years ago.

“You’re the one that mouthed off to Slughorn. James and I had it handled.”

“Well, Slughorn is a git,” Shay reasoned.

“You sure are good at holding a grudge,” Remus said and took another drink.

Sirius and Shay followed suit.

“Only to people that deserved it. He was always horrible to me.”

There was a silence that over came them as Shay was stewing about all the tiffs between herself and Slughorn over the years. After a few minutes, Sirius started chuckling softly, which then turned into a hysterical laughter. Remus looked concerned while Shay thought Sirius had finally lost his marbles.

“What is it?” Remus asked.

Sirius tried to catch his breath and wiped his eyes before answering.

“I was just thinking about the time that you two started dating and I absolutely hated you for it,” Sirius wheezed out between laughs.

Shay and Remus looked at each other completely confounded. Sirius’s laughter wasn’t letting up and Remus couldn’t help but smile.

“I guess we can laugh at it now,” Remus said and started to laugh at Sirius’s level.

Shay was trying not to join in but the noise was contagious.

“Here, I have one for you. Sirius, remember when you cheated on me with that French seeress?” Shay barely got out before releasing a large guttural laugh.

Sirius tossed his head back and let out his signature bark-like laughter. Remus was covering his face but his whole body was shaking.

“She had no clue what kind of mess she was getting herself into,” Sirius explained, his stomach hurting from the work out.

“Shay, remember when you got completely wasted and decided to tell me that Niki was pregnant when she died?” Remus asked while wiping a tear off of his face.

Shay snorted in response and covered her mouth in surprise. This made Sirius and Remus laugh even harder.

“That’s the worse thing I’ve ever done,” Shay admitted, trying in earnest to compose herself.

“Do you want to know how I paid for that?” Shay asked.

Remus shrugged his shoulders and Sirius looked intrigued.

“I was captured and tortured by Voldemort for half a year.”

This is when all three of them lost it. If anyone were to walk in on them at that moment, they would have sent them straight to the loony bin.

“We shouldn’t be laughing about this stuff,” Remus said as he was trying to get his composure back.

“We were all so angry for the longest time,” Sirius explained and straightened himself out, “I think we have the right to laugh at whatever we want.”

They all seemed to be over their fits of laughter. It was a nice and peaceful silence that fell over the trio. It felt as it did years ago, before all the bad stuff happened.

“Sirius,” Shay said and waited for his attention.


“Do you remember when you thought is was a good idea to sleep with my sister?” Shay deadpanned.

And that was it. The hysterics started again.



It was late. It was so late that the sun would be coming up in an hour or so. So technically it was early morning. Remus had retreated to bed and left Sirius and Shay alone in the living room. It was a sight seeing the two of them lounging together. Sirius was sitting at the end of the couch with his head resting on the arm. Shay was lying on the same couch, with her feet gently perched on Sirius’s lap. It would have matched a picture Shay had of the two of them from when they were in Hogwarts.

“I really needed a night like tonight. Thanks for having me,” Shay admitted and playfully poked his leg with her toe.

“You know that you’re welcome at anytime. I missed you the most, you know,” Sirius mumbled, sleep coating his voice.

“To be honest, I didn’t miss you at all,” Shay said, getting Sirius’s full attention, “Until I realized that you never should have been sent away.”

It looked as if Sirius was blushing; however Shay knew better. Sirius Black never blushed. 

“You’re being unusually nice tonight,” Sirius said and rested his head back on the arm of the couch.

“I’m always nice, Black,” Shay countered and aimed a couch pillow at Sirius’s head.

Amazingly, he caught it. He threw it back at her and she caught it right before it hit her face and she tucked it behind her head.

“Nice catch.”

“Not that I don’t enjoy your company, but isn’t Jude going to worry about you?” Sirius asked quietly.

Shay didn’t answer at first and Sirius was afraid he had crossed some sort of line.

“We had a fight. He’s sleeping in the guest room tonight…again,” Shay revealed.

Sirius didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to.

“It’s not just you. We were fighting before you came back. I’m not a very easy person to be married to,” Shay said and sunk further into the couch.

“There’s two sides to everything, Shay,” Sirius offered but Shay played him off.

“Jude’s a good guy. I take advantage of that. I always have. I probably always will. That is until he’s finally fed up with me.”

Sirius left it at that. He couldn’t tell her that he was happy about her marital troubles. It seemed that she needed a friend more than a long-lost lover at the moment.

“I remember when I used to put my feet up on your lap like this in school,” Shay said a wiggled her toes, “and you would automatically start rubbing my feet.”

Sirius chuckled at this.

“Are you trying to hint at something?” Sirius asked.

Shay didn’t have to explain any further. Sirius started to gently rub her feet.

“Merlin, I must have been whipped. Or I was just trying to get into your pants,” Sirius said with a small laugh. 

Shay couldn’t help but giggle and she closed her eyes, enjoying Sirius’s experienced touch.

After only a few minutes, the massage stopped and Shay was very disappointed. She opened her eyes and saw that Sirius’s breath had slowed. He had fallen asleep in the middle of his job.

Shay quietly maneuvered her feet off of Sirius and got up from the couch. She looked around for a blanket and found one behind a chair. She walked back over to Sirius and gently covered him with the soft fleece blanket.

Just like Shay had discovered with Harry a few nights beforehand, Sirius looked much younger while he was asleep. Over the past month or so, Shay had realized how much she truly did miss Sirius. If only things had turned out different. She wished he hadn’t of fallen asleep. She wanted to keep talking to Sirius. She wasn’t sure how often this would happen.

Shay was going to leave but before she did she couldn’t help herself. She bent down and gave Sirius a small kiss. She couldn’t exactly figure out why. Maybe it was the alcohol; maybe she just wanted to remember how it felt. However, to her surprise, Sirius kissed back.

It made Shay feel like she was twenty years old again. His lips felt the same against hers. He smelt the same. He even tasted the same. It was almost too much for Shay to handle. Sirius sat up and pulled Shay towards him. She sat, straddling him, like they used to when they had a private moment in the Gryffindor common room. Sirius placed his hands on the sides of her head and ran his fingers through her hair. He had been waiting to do that for the longest time. Shay gently ran her thumbs over Sirius’s cheekbones and down to his jaw line. It felt the same. He was still handsome. Enough time away from the Dementors had given that prize back to him. Shay couldn’t believe what she was doing. This wasn’t like her, but this was Sirius. This was different.

She had to pull away.

“I can’t,” she whispered, her voice cracking with remorse.

“Please,” he whispered back.

His eyes were closed but his face showed confliction.

“Please don’t stop,” he begged.

Seeing him like this almost brought Shay to tears. He needed this. He needed to feel Shay like this again.


Shay couldn’t go on. She softly placed her forehead against his. His hands were still on either side of her face. Their noses were touching, ever so lightly. It was the closest she had felt to anyone in a long time.

“Please don’t go,” Sirius whispered again and finally opened his eyes.

His startling gray eyes bore into her green and blue ones. Shay felt it then. She didn’t really understand what “it” was, but “it” was there. It’s what made her put her hand over his heart. She had to make sure that this was real.

“Please. I need this. Even if it’s just tonight,” Sirius pleaded.

How could Shay deny him? She loved the man.

Chapter 29: Star-crossed
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*the plot and OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.



What a wretched month October was, at least that’s what Sirius thought. In his younger years, he loved the month. The autumn air, the perfect quidditch weather and most of all it was the lead up to Halloween. A marauder’s favorite holiday, besides April Fool’s Day of course. But now, the month was completely dreadful to him. The golden colors meant beauty before death. Sirius could not even enjoy the weather because he couldn’t take a step outside his new prison walls. Actually, his childhood home was technically his first stretch of prison when he was a young student. However, everything comes full circle. Sirius was no longer allowed to leave after his little excursion to King’s Cross to see Harry off to Hogwarts. Lucius Malfoy had recognized Sirius’s animagi form and in typical Malfoy fashion, he ruined everything. But most of all, Halloween was no longer a cause for celebration. For 14 years, October 31st had become a day of mourning. He had lost two of the most important people to him and in return paid for a crime he didn’t commit. October was a terrible month.

Adding to Sirius’s misery was the fact that the old, dreary house that was once full of playing, conversing and actual people was now once again silent and absolutely repugnant. All the kids had gone back to Hogwarts and Remus had started to go on more missions for the Order. Of course there was still Order meetings. But those provided none of the social welfare that Sirius needed. It only caused him to feel insignificant. During the first war he could actually help. He was no longer a soldier.

As his relationship with Shay went, that was an entirely different monster. He saw her at the occasional Order meeting but she was always all business, no time for play. How could Sirius blame her? She was leading a triple life. One as a mother and wife, another as an auror and another as a member of a highly elite and highly dangerous organization of wizards and witches. Shay had no time for Sirius. Or at least that’s what he wanted her to believe.



The sun was completely blinding and earth shattering. Why did it decide to rise so soon after Sirius had gone to sleep? Why did Sirius let himself fall asleep to begin with? He couldn’t remember pieces of the night. He did, however, remember the most important part. At least he wasn’t surprised by finding Shay in his bed, her arms wrapped around him as if she was afraid he would vanish before her. Sirius had dreamt of this moment for a long time. He wasn’t prepared for it to actually come true.

“Quit moving,” Shay mumbled with morning grogginess, “I’m not ready to get up yet.”

Sirius looked down at her and let out a small sigh. Even with bed head and bags under her eyes from drinking, she was still so beautiful to him. Cerebral, astonishing, utterly unattainable and downright sinful.

“I have to use the loo.”

Shay released him and rolled away, seeming to try and fall back asleep. Sirius maneuvered his way gently out of bed. He quietly padded across the plush carpet of his room and the hallway and was glad to find that the bathroom was unoccupied at the moment. He swiftly shut the door and turned the faucet on. He bent over the sink and splashed cold water on his face. It helped shake off the previous night and made his conflicted mind straighten up.

How could I, was all he thought. At that moment, Sirius thought of himself as a truly terrible man.

“Come back to bed,” Shay grumbled as Sirius reentered his room.

Her eyes were still shut and the blankets were wrapped tightly around her body. Sirius ignored her demand and sat at his desk, instead watching her from his seat.

When she didn’t hear any movement, Shay opened her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” she asked and perched herself upon her elbows.

“You shouldn’t have slept here,” Sirius said bluntly and stroked his stubble covered chin nervously.

Shay knitted her eyebrows together in confusion and spoke up.

“You shouldn’t worry about that. I’ll just send a message to Jude stating that I had to go into work early.”

“So you can lie to him that easily?” Sirius asked sharply.

Shay was taken aback again. She sat up in bed and kicked her legs over the side.

“I don’t understand why you’re concerning yourself with it. Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Sirius shrugged and stood from his chair. He paced over to the window and focused his attention outside.

“Answer me, Sirius,” Shay called softly.

He couldn’t. He couldn’t do this but he had to.

Sirius felt Shay’s grasp on his forearm and she pulled with all her force, whipping him around to face her.

“I said answer me,” she said in no more than a whisper.

She couldn’t help the hurt that had already crept into her eyes.

“I thought it was. I was sorely mistaken,” Sirius said as plainly as he could.

Shay’s hand dropped from him instantly as if he had caught fire before her eyes.

“Why are you doing this? You pursued this for months. I just gave you what you wanted.”

She couldn’t hide the quiver in her voice.

“At the price of your own family? Did you stop to think about Jayme?” Sirius questioned.

He was having a hard time maintaining eye contact with her. But he had to make Shay believe what he was saying.

“You’re her real father, Sirius,” Shay retorted and turned away from him.

It was all too much.

“We both know that Jude is the more suitable parent. I could be a fugitive forever. She deserves better than that.”

“You said you loved me,” she reminded him and leaned against the door to support the ever-increasing shake of her legs.

Sirius couldn’t answer her. He went back to staring out the window.

Shay took in a sharp breath. Her eyes, flooded with tears of heartbreak, narrowed with anger as he ignored her.

“How can you not justify what happen?” Shay questioned angrily.

“How can you justify it?” Sirius asked back, with more emotion than he intended to.

The two of them stood there, on opposite sides of Sirius’s childhood bedroom. Two star-crossed lovers that figured out that maybe they were never meant to be.

“You don’t have to do this,” Shay suddenly pleaded.

She had broken their unsaid rule. She had peered into his thoughts.

“I know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to set me free. You see yourself as a burden, you see yourself as toxic. You’re not, Sirius. You won’t be my downfall,” Shay explained and inched closer to him.

He stood stoic. He would not break.

She reached up and caressed the side of his face, mirroring the night they had before.

“I love you,” Shay impressed with so much emotion that her body heat rose.

Sirius almost lost his battle and fell into the hand that apparently loved him so dearly. The hand that he loved too much to watch it come crumbling down.

“You’re not welcome here anymore. Not unless it’s for Order business,” Sirius informed impassively as he took her hand and placed it back at her side.

Shay slowly shook her head in disbelief as she took a step back from him.

“Kingsley wanted me to stop by on Friday. So I guess I’ll see you then,” she said, her voice hardening with every word.

Before Sirius could blink, she was gone.



“Once again, Black, you prove yourself to be utterly useless,” Severus drawled as a few of the Order members sat around the table at 12 Grimmauld Drive.

Sirius’s jaw clenched and his face reddened a little.

“Come on, Snape. That’s just completely counterproductive,” Tonks defended her cousin.

“Of course the two black sheep of the most ancient and noble House of Black would defend one another,” Severus spat out.

Tonks’ hair turned a fire shade of red, Kingsley cleared his throat to show his discomfort and Shay rolled her eyes with heavy exaggeration.

“What’s up your arse today?” Shay asked from her chair.

She was seemingly uninterested and was casually leaning back in her chair.

“Do none of you realize what I risk on a daily basis?” Severus snapped and slammed his fists on the table, “The sacrifices I make are completely over-looked while you all sit here and make excuses for a man that can do nothing but turn himself into a flea-ridden dog.”

Sirius shot up from his own chair to stand face-to-face with Snape.

“The only reason you’re here is because of Dumbledore. Do you honestly think that any of us believe that you’re truly loyal?”

Severus looked as if he could breathe fire, he would have at just that moment.

“The same could be said about you,” Snape quipped.

“I’m glad to see you two can still take the mickey out of each other after all these years,” Shay commented with a smirk.

“Are we entertaining you?” Severus questioned and both he and Sirius placed their attention on her.

“Well, I came here for a meeting but the show is quite compelling,” Shay said with a sarcastic smile.

“You’re more than welcome to leave if you have some where more important to be,” Sirius barked and Shay couldn’t help but laugh and once again roll her eyes at his impatience with her.

“You’re more than welcome to get a shave and a haircut but nobody’s pressuring you to do that,” Shay joked with a menacing smile.

She had a hard time taking anything he said at the moment seriously.

“Look,” Shay huffed and leaned forward in her seat, “I can see where Severus is coming from. Harry can get himself and a lot of other kids into a whole mess of trouble with this under-age Order thing he’s trying to pull off. On the other hand it’s a very honorable and selfless thing Harry is doing. From what Jayme has told me, Umbridge isn’t teaching these kids a damn thing. In my opinion, she’s putting a death sentence on every Hogwarts student.”

“Has Jayme joined?” Sirius asked quickly.

“I asked her not to, however I can’t control what she does at school. I think she’s too young to join something like that. I told her anything that she’s not taught by Umbridge, I will teach her myself.”

Sirius looked disappointed while Severus looked pleased.

“You would have joined at her age,” Sirius accused.

“Of course I would have. I also had two parents that could have cared less about what I did,” Shay explained.

“Sirius, do you think that Mr. and Mrs. Potter would have let James join something like that at his age?” they heard a voice ask from the door.

It was Remus, who looked quite haggard from a bout with the full moon. Shay, Sirius and Kingsley gave him a welcoming smile and Tonks hair changed to an electric sky blue. Snape just scowled at him.

“I’m glad to see that you all can hold down the fort while I’m gone,” Remus joked and took a seat next to Tonks.

“It’s been so long. Are you hungry, Remus? You’re looking a bit pale,” Tonks forgot about the conversation at hand and fussed over the man she was beginning to love.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he reassured, “It was just a very long trip. At least I made it back in time for the full moon.”

“Where were you and Emmeline this time?” Shay asked.

“We were in Armenia for the past few weeks. We actually made some headway there. So what’s this I hear about Harry?” Remus asked, intrigued about the conversation he missed.

“Mundungus has informed us that Harry, Hermione and Ron have started their own Order. I believe they’re calling it Dumbledore’s Army,” Kingsley explained with a small smile at the name they chose.

“I’m not surprised at all. Does Albus know?”

“Yes. He hasn’t commented on it. I think he wants to see it play out,” Severus added and finally took his seat.

“Has anyone talked to Harry about this?” Remus asked but he directed his glance at Sirius.

“I told him it was a good idea,” Sirius admitted with a shrug.

“Of course you did,” Shay scoffed.

Remus looked between the two of them before continuing.

“Do Arthur and Molly know?”

“Arthur does. He asked us not to tell Molly yet. Ron, Fred, George and Ginny all joined. Not to mention Harry and Hermione,” Tonks explained.

“Well, we can’t stop them but I’m quite sure Umbridge eventually will,” Remus reasoned.

“And it will get them all expelled,” Snape informed, trying to seem as unconcerned as possible.

“No. As long as Dumbledore is at Hogwarts, they’re all safe,” Shay said with the final word.



“So what’s going on now between the two of you?” Remus asked Shay as they walked away from the kitchen.

“Between who?” Shay asked, playing coy as possible.

Remus let out heavy sigh, “You and Sirius.”

“There’s nothing going on between Sirius and I,” Shay responded a little too quickly.

“Even before I left, you two seemed to take a turn for the worse. Did something happen that one night?”

Shay scoffed and at looked as if she had a bad taste in her mouth.

“Remus… I’m only going to say this once. There is absolutely nothing going on between me and Sirius Black. On top of the fact that I’m married, that man has given me nothing but a headache, heartache and a ring,” Shay rambled until her face suddenly dropped in realization.

“And two children,” Remus added, oblivious to the fact that Shay was far away in thought.

“Yea, that too,” she responded robotically.

Remus gave her an odd look and opened his mouth to speak again.

“I have to go, Remus. I’m so happy you’re back. I’ll owl you later this week for dinner,” Shay said quickly and before Remus could get a word in edgewise, she was gone.



“Where is it?” Shay grumbled to herself.

She was angry that it took her this long to realize what she needed to fix things. How could she be so stupid as to forget about what had meant so much to the both of them.

She had to find the ring that Sirius’s had given her.

All those years ago after the discovery of Sirius’s supposed betrayal and ultimate arrest, Shay had banished her ring from sight. Unfortunately, she had no idea where it ended up. While she was sure that it resided in the house that she and Sirius used to share, it could have been anywhere in the abandoned hillside cottage.

The house hadn’t seen a soul in years. Shay had never been able to return after Sirius had been imprisoned in Azkaban. In her mind, the bad memories just overshadowed the good.

She didn’t know where to start. It wasn’t on the fireplace mantle that held pictures of fresh-faced lovers and their young son. The faces in the pictures turned annoyed as she lifted each frame to check behind. She gave the old memories an apologetic look and walked away from the fireplace.

The kitchen had a stale smell to it. Shay opened the fridge to find a toxic wasteland of petrified food and mold. She shut it quickly and moved onto the cupboards and drawers. None were promising.

The next stop was her old bedroom. It was dusty and depleted. The quilt on the bed could barely be called a quilt anymore. Sirius still had clothes in the drawers of the dresser and an old issue of Quidditch Weekly on the nightstand. While Shay didn’t find the ring, she did find another piece of jewelry that was dear to her heart. It was the locket that Sirius had given her on her 19th birthday. She opened the delicate silver locket and found that she still remembered the day they took the picture. She smiled lightly; softly squeezed the locket shut and decided to place it around her neck. It felt right.

There was only one more place she had left to check. Before her was the door to Cillian’s bedroom. She hadn’t been in there since the night she and Sirius had come home to find their son murdered by death eaters. Her hand was gripping the doorknob tightly while she was trying to decide if she was ready to enter. She reasoned that after 15 years maybe it was time to take another step forward in an impossible healing process.

It wasn’t what she expected. The last time she was in the room, it was completely destroyed. This room was organized. It wasn’t exactly the way it was while Cillian was still alive. The furniture was pushed towards the walls, leaving a large empty space in the middle of the room. There really was no sign that unspeakable actions had occurred there and that somewhat spooked Shay. She felt as if she was in a museum and nothing was meant to be touched. She didn’t like it one bit. Maybe she wasn’t as ready as she thought.

“Accio ring,” she spoke softly but nothing happened.

She figured it wouldn’t work. She should have figured her whole plan wouldn’t work. She felt defeated. Shay walked over to the closet and pushed the door open. Nothing was hanging from it but she suddenly gave a loud shout when her eyes trailed down to the floor. Lying there was a motionless body surrounded by blood, eyes void of life. It was her daughter. Shay’s breath was caught in her throat and she whipped away from the scene. She had to remember that Jayme was safe at Hogwarts. What she was seeing wasn’t real.

“Riddikulus,” Shay cried and the body contorted.

Suddenly the boggart disguised as Jayme was up dancing around and laughing. Shay released a large breath and closed her eyes tightly, trying to shut out what she had just seen. She opened her eyes to find that the boggart had taken a new shape. This time Shay saw herself, however she had aged greatly and looked frail and pathetic. She had outlived her loved ones and was completely alone.

“Riddikulus,” she said again and the old woman was suddenly dressed in a grass skirt, doing a hula dance.

With another wave of her hand, the boggart was gone and Shay’s mind was made up. She couldn’t be alone, not if she had anything to do with it.



“I need to talk to you,” Shay commanded as she abruptly entered Sirius’s room.

Sirius, who was lounging on his bed, shot up and looked extremely alarmed.

“Merlin, hasn’t anyone ever taught you how to knock?” he asked fiercely.

“I just need you to listen,” Shay continued and started to pace in front of Sirius.

He thought that there was a strong possibility she had finally lost her marbles.

“Do you realize what time it is?” Sirius asked as he watched her move back and forth before himself.

“You can’t do what you’re doing,” Shay continued on, completely ignoring Sirius’s question. “It’s not fair. You came back to me, you pursued me, you said you loved me. You can’t suddenly say it was all rubbish and leave me left open like that. I won’t let you do that to me, Sirius.”

She stopped pacing and stood directly in front of him. He could see that she was visibly upset.

“You’re wearing it,” was all he responded with.

Shay pursed her lips and furrowed her eyebrows. “Wearing what?” she asked sharply.

“The locket.”

Shay fondled the silver heart between her thumb and forefinger. She had almost forgotten that she put it on.

“I found it. I was at the cottage.”

She heard Sirius take in a sharp inhale.


“I was looking for the ring,” she answered quietly.

Sirius let out a heavy sigh, “You shouldn’t be doing that. If you don’t recall, you already have a ring on you’re finger.”

“I don’t understand why you’re so concerned with my marriage now. You sure didn’t care this summer,” Shay huffed.

“That was before I got to know Jayme. I can’t do that to her. I can’t break up her family,” Sirius explained and scratched the back on his neck, showing his discomfort with the conversation.

“And what about that night?” Shay asked in a whisper.

She seemed embarrassed to ask him about it.

“We let the alcohol get the best of us.”

“Look,” Shay pleaded and got down on her knees before Sirius and placed her hands on his forearms, holding him in place. “I’ll admit that I never thought you’d return to my life. I did have to move on and I do love Jude. He has been a fantastic father to Jayme, but our relationship is complicated as hell right now. But now here you are and here I am admitting that I love you. It’s always been you, even when I would have given everything for it not to have been.”

Sirius stared at her with glistening eyes. He never imagined that she would have been so persistent. He had only asked for one night and she was ready to give him a lifetime.

He got up from his place on the bed and strode across the room to his desk. Shay got up and watched him open a drawer, rummage for a bit, slammed it shut and turned around with something enclosed in his fist. He walked up to Shay and signaled for her to turn around. She complied and felt his strong, calloused hands on the back of her neck. She felt him undo her necklace and quickly clasp it back together. As he did that, she felt an added weight to the chain and lowered her gaze to find the culprit. There it was. The engagement ring Sirius had given her years before.

“How?” was all she could get out.

“It’s one of the first things I did after I escaped. I guess I beat you to it,” Sirius explained.

Shay felt him inches away from herself. His breath was making her skin tingle on the crook of her neck while he gently skimmed the tops of her shoulders.

“I’m sorry about what I’ve done this summer. I’m a selfish and careless man. But I can’t love you Shay. I though I could,” Sirius admitted.

She turned to face him but buried her head in his chest and wrapped her arms around his slim body. He couldn’t help but secure her in place with his own embrace.

“You say this, except you’re holding on to me like you know love,” Shay said softly and Sirius’s breath got caught in his throat.

The two of them stood there, embracing each other, for a while. It was intoxicating to be that close.

“What are we going to do?” Sirius whispered into her hair.

“Take it slow. We have all the time in the world.”

Chapter 30: Hogwarts '95
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*the plot and OC's belong to me, the rest belongs to J.K.


**So, I think that there will only be about four more chapters. Maybe five. It's incredibley distressing at this point in the game. I'm ready to let this story go but at the same time I'm going to miss it a lot. Enjoy this chapter and the ones that follow. Leave a review, let me know how I'm doing and what you think!





How is school? Lots of practical magic is done during third year so make sure that you’re keeping up with your studies and that you’re practicing. Your mum and I can’t wait to see you during Christmas holiday. I put a few galleons in the pouch for your next Hogsmeade trip. I hope you’re having fun this year. Behave yourself and I’ll see you soon.


Jayme felt a little flush after reading the letter from her dad. While she always liked hearing from home, she was at an age where independence was at the utmost importance. She cleared the coins out of the small brown pouch that was attached to the owl’s leg, gave the animal a small piece of her toast and watched it fly away.

“Parents?” her friend Tally asked.

“My dad. Sent some money for the next Hogsmeade trip,” Jayme said and took a bite of her bacon.

“If you go. The last time you wound up in detention. I had to spend the whole time with Toby,” Tally said and shot a dirty glance at her twin brother.

He gave her a large smile that showed all the food he had just shoved in his mouth.

“It’s not my fault that Umbridge is a complete munter,” Jayme growled at the memory of that horrible detention.

Tally’s eyes got wide with shock and Toby nearly choked on his from when he started to laugh.

“Jayme, you can’t talk about a professor like that,” Tally explained.

She looked nervous, as if somebody had overheard the conversation.

“She’s not a professor, she’s the devil,” Jayme said and started to gather her stuff.

“Where are you going?” Toby asked, his mouth once again full of food.

Jayme wrinkled her nose at him and Tally wiped bits of food off her sleeve.

“I still can’t believe we came from the same place,” Tally snapped and Toby rolled his eyes at her and swallowed the rest of his food.

“So where are you going?” he asked again.

“I…uh…I forgot my potions book,” Jayme said and started to walk away.

“But it’s in your arms,” Toby called as she ran out of the Great Hall.

Jayme slowed down as she entered the empty corridor. She was trying to get to the library before Potions started. Ever since she got back to Hogwarts, she was on a mission She wanted to find out more about Sirius. She wasn’t as dumb as her mum thought. Jayme knew that there was more between her and Sirius than just being old friends. However, Jayme found a lot of road blocks in her way. Not many people were willing to talk about a man who was known as a mass murderer.

She was almost to the library doors when she heard her name being called.

“Jayme!” she heard a boy call and considered ignoring it.

“Oy! Borchardt!” the boy called again.

Jayme turned around and for the second time that day, blushed.

“I was looking for you at breakfast,” he said as he stopped in front of her and tried to catch his breath.

Milo Wells. He was a very popular boy who was in the same year and house as her. She had been crushing on him since she began to think about boys in that way. It was easy to see that he would become a handsome man one day. His light brown hair was curly and unruly. And he had honey colored eyes that Jayme couldn’t help but stare into. The best thing was the fact that he was a half-blood wizard. She, in no which way, ever wanted to be with a pure blood wizard. While her mum encouraged her to marry a muggle-born when the time came, her grandparents were a little more into blood status. All the more reason to rebel.

“What’s up?” she asked, regaining her cool.

“Why are you going into the library?” Milo asked.

“I needed to grab a book,” Jayme explained and wished that he hadn’t found her.

“You’re going to be late for Potions,” Milo said and tugged on her robes, pulling her away from the library.

She looked longingly back at the library but figured she would just have to go back during lunch.

“Do you have your essay?” Milo asked as Jayme tried to keep up with his long strides.

“Of course. I’ve had it done since Monday,” Jayme bragged and waved her roll of parchment at him.

“I can’t wait to get in there. We’ve been on a roll lately,” he said as they turned the corner.

“Aren’t you going to sit with Romilda?” she asked with an undertone of jealousy.

He looked at her and shrugged his shoulders.

“Just because she’s my girlfriend doesn’t mean I want her as my potions partner. She’s rubbish at it anyway,” Milo explained and waited for her to catch up again.

“Rubbish at what? Being you girlfriend?” Jayme asked sarcastically.

She and Romilda Vane, another Gryffindor girl in her year, had never gotten along. They were on opposite sides of the spectrum and neither one ever made a move to understand the other.

“Ha! You’re very funny, nerd,” Milo said with a goofy grin.

Jayme stopped in her tracks.

“I’m not a nerd,” she voiced and her nostrils flared in annoyance.

“Oh, come on. I was just kidding. You’re too mean to be a nerd.”

Jayme smiled at him, proud that he thought she was mean and brushed past him to enter the classroom.

“As usual, most of these essays were painful to read. Must I remind you all that although OWLs aren’t until 5th year, you must have an O to be in my Advanced Potions class,” Professor Snape explained as he was practically throwing the graded essays at the third year Gryffindors.

He was much nicer about the Slytherins’ parchments.

“As the outcomes become poorer, the essays will become longer,” Snape went on and stopped before Jayme.

He handed her the essay and a compliment.

“Keep it up,” he said coolly then whipped Milo’s essay back at him.

Jayme nearly snorted as she saw Milo’s flustered face.

“How did you get him to like you? Are you an undercover Slytherin or something?” Milo whispered as he grimaced at his grade.

She sneered at him and looked at her own grade. Full marks as usual.

“Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not a complete git,” Jayme said as she rolled her parchment back up.

“I’ll say this again. You’re just down right mean,” he said and crossed his arms in a huff.

Jayme giggled at him and heard someone clear her throat behind them. The two of them turned around to find Romilda a bit perturbed.

“What are you two talking about?” she asked in a shrill voice.

“All the berks that make up this class,” Jayme replied and turned back around.

She saw Milo mouth the word “sorry” at her and turned around too.

“Class is dismissed. Turn in your essays on my desk before you leave. I want a roll on the importance of knowing undetectable poisons by the next class,” Snape said and sat behind his desk.

He looked surlier by the minute as the parchments piled up. Jayme stayed seated.

“You coming, Borchardt?” Milo asked as he pushed his chair in.

Jayme saw Tally and Toby approaching as well.

“You guys should go ahead of me. I have to talk to Professor Snape,” Jayme explained while gathering her things.

“You really are abnormal,” Milo said as Romilda was tugging him out of the room.

“See you in Ancient Ruins,” Tally hollered as she followed them out.

“Professor?” Jayme approached as Snape was gathering up all the parchments.

“Yes,” he said slowly, not looking up.

“Can I ask you a question?” she asked, fidgeting from foot to foot.

“Is there something wrong?” he asked, showing a tad more concern than intended.

“No. Everything’s fine. I just…”

She didn’t know how to come out with it.

“Spit it out, Jayme. You’re going to be late for class.”

“I want to ask you a question about my mum,” she paused and saw that his mouth was starting to conform into a frown. “And Sirius Black.”

Instead of a frown, Snape’s face sported a furious scowl.

“I have nothing to say about that fugitive idiot,” Snape snapped.

Jayme jumped a little but spoke again. “I want to know about their relationship. I want to know if he’s my real dad.”

Snape turned red. Very, very red.

“I’m not the person you should have this conversation with. I’m sure your mother would be more than willing to answer these questions,” he replied and seemed done with the conversation.

“No she won’t. She thinks I’m just a child that can’t handle the real world. I think I have a right to know who my father is,” Jayme demanded, feeling a bit more courageous.

“As I recall, you have a father at home who cares about you very much. You’re more like your mother than you know. You both have a tendency to hang around fools that are no good for you. Take my advice, stay away from boys like Milo Wells,” Snape finished and started pushing her towards the door.

“But Professor…” Jayme started but was pushed out into the corridor.

“Get to class. I’m not going to write a note for you,” Snape said and slammed the door.


The day had not gone as planned. During Ancient Runes, Jayme stomach began a low growl that grew with each minute that passed. Tally kept on giving her sideways glances every time her stomach acted up, so she couldn’t shake her off by saying she wasn’t hungry. During lunch, she had been cornered by Toby’s speech on why unicorns should have the utmost respect when Romilda told Milo that she would love to have one as a pet. Toby had dreams of becoming a magizoologist and had a passionate conversation about some sort of magical creature at least three times a week. Jayme liked that about Toby. She always thought that if more people were like him, the world wouldn’t be such a cruel place. And she also enjoyed seeing Romilda put down a notch. How could she not stay and watch? However, that took up most of lunch and Jayme had Defense Against the Dark Arts right after. Once upon a time, it was her favorite class. She remembered her first year, when Remus was her professor and how extraordinary the class had been. Even the year before she had learned so much from Mad-Eye. Well, she thought it was Mad-Eye. However, she had yet to learn anything from Dolores Umbridge. The only thing she had learned was when the Ministry got involved with Hogwarts, the school began to go south.

It was on her way to Defense Against the Dark Arts when Jayme’s day really started to go awry.

Jayme was aware that walking well ahead of her was Gryffindor’s spectacular trio. Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley were all acting very suspicious, as usual. She knew what they were up to. They were headed towards the Room of Requirement, most likely for something to do with Dumbledore’s Army. She knew about it, almost everyone in Gryffindor did. Her mum had asked her not to join and Jayme really didn’t have a problem with that. She didn’t do well in crowds.

She did feel some sort of connection to Harry Potter. Her mum was best friends with Harry’s parents until they died and Harry was also very close to Remus. And there was the fact that Sirius was Harry’s godfather. And if Sirius turned out to be her real father then that would make her and Harry related in some sort of backwards, illogical way.

It didn’t take long for Draco Malfoy to pick up on the trio’s trail as well. He was a part of Umbridge’s Inquisitorial Squad, but in Jayme’s opinion he was a right git long before that. Before she had started at Hogwarts, her mother had given her a list of people that she should be careful of at school. Malfoy had been at the top of that list. Apparently, her mum and Draco’s dad had a history of bad blood because Draco took it upon himself to make Jayme’s life a living hell whenever he had the chance. Not that she took any of his bullying lying down. If her mum had taught her one thing, it was how to defend herself.

She couldn’t believe that the three in front didn’t realize that Malfoy was trailing them. She had to think fast. If he caught them, all of their hard work would go to hell. What Harry was doing was good and nobody could interfere with that.

Jayme pulled out her wand and pointed it directly at Draco’s back and whispered softly. “Impedimenta.”

Draco took a nosedive to the stone floor with a grunt and a crunch, signifying he had broke his nose. The trio whipped around at the commotion and saw a bleeding Malfoy and Jayme standing over him with her wand still out. She gave them a look, urging them to get away from the scene. Ron and Hermione started to run for it, however Harry stayed back, his eyes wandering from Malfoy to Jayme. She shortly lost her patience with him and started to yell.

“What are you waiting for? Get out of here!” she demanded.

He lingered for a few seconds, still looking astonished. Jayme was going to start yelling again when Harry finally turned his back and ran for it. She let out a gust of breath and looked at the injured boy at her feet. Malfoy had finally turned over to see who had attacked him.

“You,” he muttered.

His voice sounded different because of his injury but his eyes had revenge in them. Jayme gave him a frazzled smile and quickly ran off. The last thing she needed was to be caught at the scene of the crime.

She arrived at Defense Against the Dark Arts completely out of breath. This was bad. Very bad. She knew it was against school rules to attack another student, even if it was for a good cause. Even worse, she attacked Umbridge’s snitch. She was certain she was doomed for detention for the rest of the year. Maybe even expulsion.

Her stomach was churning when she took a seat next to Carys Leatherby, another Gryffindor girl in her year.

“All right, Jayme,” Carys said as she moved her books to give Jayme some table room.

Jayme offered up a weak smile and pulled out her own book. She practically buried her head inside of it.

It was a few minutes before Umbridge started up the class.

“Students, today we are going to discuss why it is never acceptable to use a curse or a hex on another witch or wizard,” Umbridge started in her shrill voice but was quickly interrupted by a three quick knocks on the door.

Umbridge looked a bit flustered by being interrupted but clicked her ugly pink heels all the way to the door to see who was there. Jayme knew who would be at the door and one quick peak over her shoulder confirmed her fear. Malfoy was standing there with his nose askew and blood all down the bottom half of his face and the front of his robes. She thought he could have at least cleaned himself up. She knew what was coming and quickly tried to make herself look as innocent as possible.

She heard the clicking coming back towards her and Umbridge cleared her throat to get the acquired attention. Jayme looked up at her and acted out her sweetest smile.

“Yes, Professor?”

“Mr. Malfoy just told me a disturbing tale,” Umbridge chirped.

“Did he? What was it about?” Jayme questioned and kept up her naive act.

“He was brutally attacked in the corridor just moments ago.”

Jayme looked back at Malfoy. He was feigning misery as well as he could.

“I’d call it an improvement,” Jayme commented with a grin.

She heard a snort of laughter and turned to see Milo covering his mouth. Umbridge pursed her lips then continued on.

“Mr. Malfoy informed me that you were the one that attacked him. Is this true?”

Jayme felt all eyes on her. This was Grade-A Hogwarts drama.

“I can’t say I know what Malfoy is talking about,” she responded as amiably as she could.

“Hand over your wand,” Umbridge ordered and held out her bloated hand.

Jayme was affronted and let it show.

“No,” she quipped quickly.

“Excuse me? Give me your wand now,” Umbridge commanded with a slight shake.

“How dumb would I be to just hand over my wand? It’s right here in this Ministry-approved text,” Jayme explained and held up her textbook.

Umbridge turned a quick shade of red and her lip twitched slightly.

“As a Ministry official, I order you to hand me your wand,” Umbridge said forcefully, “Must I remind you that both your parents work for the Ministry and the Minister of Magic takes my opinion very seriously.”

Jayme gritted her teeth and pulled out her wand. She practically threw it at Umbridge. Umbridge put the wand down on the desk and fixed a piece of hair that fell out of place.

She pulled out her own wand and pointed it at Jayme’s. “Prior Incantato.”

And there it was. A smoke image coming out of her wand that showed Malfoy getting hit in the back with a impedimenta curse and dropping like a ton of bricks. The class took in an audible gasp. Jayme glanced at Tally and Toby. The two had a look of concern on their faces. She looked back to Milo and saw that he was wearing an impressed smirk while Romilda and Carys both looked quite unsettled.

Umbridge looked positively peachy.

“Not only did you attack a student while his back was turned, you also lied about it,” Umbridge said with exaggerated disappointment and tutted at Jayme.

She was trying to keep calm but could feel her face burning with anger.

“Now, what to do with you…what to do. I’m sure your parents would want to hear about this. Two weeks detention and one hundred points from Gryffindor should do. We all make mistakes dear. Next time, just remember to be honest,” Umbridge sentenced and spoke as if she was talking about a day at the fair.

Jayme shot a glare at Malfoy. He was leaning against the doorway, a nasty smirk planted firmly on his face. She would have hexed him again right there, if it wasn’t for the fact that she would have definitely been expelled.

“I also think an apology is owed to Mr. Malfoy,” Umbridge suggested and blinked one too many times for Jayme’s liking.

Jayme practically growled. Umbridge cleared her throat again and folded her hands in front of herself, urging Jayme to carry on.

“I’m so sorry Malfoy,” Jayme did her best impression of Umbridge. “I’m sorry that you’re a sodding, good-for-nothing slime ball with the moral compass of a toad.”

At least that got a few laughs out of her fellow Gryffindors.

“I think another week of detention should do. You can think of a proper apology then,” Umbridge said with a painted smile and began to walk towards the front of the class. “And another fifty points from Gryffindor for the utter lack of respect you all show the other houses.”

Jayme grimaced and the rest of the class turned to face Umbridge once again. Jayme subconsciously began to stroke the back of her hand. She knew what was in store for her for the next three weeks. Her hand began to tingle in phantom pain just thinking about it. She hoped Harry Potter appreciated the sacrifice.


She had finally made it to the library. It had been a testing day but she had found peace and quiet and the book she had been waiting to read. She had figured out the week before that there was a book in the library that contained the family trees of almost all of the pureblood wizarding families. Jayme wanted to see where Sirius’s came from. The book was thick and if it wasn’t for the fact that the book had been alphabetized, it would have taken forever to find the Black family tree.

Jayme took out a quill and parchment and began writing down names. Jayme noticed that there was some inbreeding in Sirius’s family tree. Maybe that’s why she was so bonkers. They all had odd names and for some reason felt the need to name all the children after constellations. She saw some other surnames that she recognized. Weasley, Longbottom, she even saw Tonks, although she had already known that Sirius was related to her. However, she also saw Flint, Crabbe, Crouch, Lestrange and Malfoy. Jayme was well aware that almost all of the wizarding community were related to each other, albeit distantly. Mad-Eye had told her about the horrors of what the Lestranges and Barty Crouch Jr. did to Neville Longbottom’s parents. It was disturbing to find that Sirius was a cousin to one of the culprits, Bellatrix Lestrange. What upset her most was the fact that if Sirius was her father, then that meant she came from the same lineage as Draco Malfoy. It made her skin crawl just thinking about it.

Jayme saw that Sirius only had one brother who died in 1979. He couldn’t have been more than 18. It made her wonder what happened. Both of his parents were deceased as well. It looked like Sirius was the last man with the Black surname. Jayme wondered what had happened to such an “ancient” and “noble” household.

“Toujours pur,” she said to herself with a frown.

“It means ‘Always pure’,” a soft voice stated.

Jayme nearly shot out of her chair. She hadn’t heard anyone approach and was shocked to find Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley standing in front of her.

“I figured as much,” Jayme responded and closed the book quickly.

“Interesting book. I’m sure my family is somewhere in there,” Ginny commented and looked a bit suspicious as to why Jayme was reading about the Black family.

Jayme gave short answer. “So is mine.”

There was an awkward silence. Hermione and Ginny were just standing, staring at Jayme while she was trying to think of why they had decided to talk to her in the first place.

“Ginny and I were just passing through when we saw you. I just wanted to thank you for earlier. Malfoy was trying to get us into trouble and you really helped out,” Hermione offered and smiled a little.

Jayme nodded but kept her mouth shut.

“I heard you got into some trouble over it with Umbridge,” Ginny asked quietly.

“Three weeks of detention and 150 points from Gryffindor,” she responded coolly and received a sympathetic look from the two girls.

Hermione leaned closer to Jayme and asked, “Have you heard about what we’re doing?”

“Yes I have but no thank you.”

“You’d be a great asset to us,” Ginny interjected.

“I think what you all are doing is great. I’m just not ready to be a part of it,” Jayme explained quickly, hoping to end the conversation.

Hermione looked a little put out but quickly recovered.

“That’s fine. We’ll let you get back to it. Thanks again, Jayme. You really helped us out,” Hermione said and left her with another smile.

Ginny followed suit.

“I would have thought she’d say yes. I’m certain her mum’s a member of the Order,” Jayme heard Ginny whisper to Hermione as they walked away.

She almost ran to them to ask what they were talking about but decided it was against her better judgment.

She opened the book again, but this time flipped to her mum’s family tree. The Calhouns. It ran a little further back than the Black family tree but ended in a similar fashion. Her mum was the last of her family. Jayme had heard a lot about her uncle Damien. She knew he had died during the first war and was considered a hero. She had not heard as much about her mum’s sister. She saw that under Courtlyn’s name it said “1961-unknown”. It made her very sad. How could you not know if someone was dead or alive? She was intrigued to find out what ultimately happened to her long lost aunt. Jayme realized that her grandmother was still alive. She had never met her mum’s mum and knew that she never would. Nothing nice was ever said about Elladora Prince Calhoun.

The tree had her mum marked down as being married to her dad and underneath them was her own name and the year she was born. There was nothing unusual there. Jayme knew that her mother came from a bad family. However, there was one concern that caught her eye. Next to her name was another. It read “Cillian” and underneath the name was two years “1978-1980”. It couldn’t be right. She was an only child. She thought that wasn’t something her mum could keep from her and definitely not for thirteen years.

Jayme decided she had enough and slapped the book shut. She returned it to the shelf and quickly exited the library. She realized it was nearly time for dinner and headed towards the Great Hall. She couldn’t stop thinking about who Cillian was. She went trying to figure out Sirius’s secrets but instead found one of her mother’s. In her opinion, it was all deranged.

“Hey,” she heard Milo breathe as he started to walk with her.

She just nodded her head in greeting. She had too much on her mind to talk at the moment.

“Are you alright? You ran off after Defense Against the Dark Arts. Professor McGonagall was looking for you. See didn’t seem very happy,” Milo admitted and Jayme shrugged her shoulders.

She never even thought about what Professor McGonagall would think. It made her feel a pang of guilt.

“What happened? Why did you hex Malfoy?”

“He was about to attack some other students. I couldn’t let him just get away with that,” Jayme explained and it looked to be satisfactory for Milo.

“I would have done the same thing. That guy is the worst of his kind,” Milo said and Jayme knew that he was trying to make her feel better about the situation.

She barely smiled at him.

“What’s wrong? You’re never like this after you get into trouble,” he questioned and looked sincerely concerned.

“I’m just,” she hesitated and was trying to decide what to tell him, “I’m trying to figure out some stuff about my family and it’s just not going as planned.”

Milo nodded his head a bit and he seemed to be trying to think of something.

“If it was me and I was trying to find stuff about my family, I’d ask the ghosts. They knew our parents before we did,” Milo said with a pleased smile.

Jayme stopped walking and Milo turned to look at her.

“I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. My mum was in Gryffindor and Nearly Headless Nick is always trying to carry on with a conversation. Milo, you’re brilliant!” Jayme exclaimed and jumped forward to give him a hug.

She couldn’t even stop to think about how embarrassing she was acting. She quickly pulled away from him and made a mad dash down the corridor.

“I’ll see you later!” she hollered as she turned the corner.

It wasn’t very hard to find the Gryffindor ghost. He always trailed behind the students on their way to dinner. And there he was, trying to strike up a conversation with a few first years. Jayme ran up to them and gave the first years a look telling them to scram off.

“Sir Nicholas,” Jayme greeted and curtsied.

She was trying to butter him up.

“Ah, Miss Borchardt. To what do I owe this honor?” Nick asked in his most proper English.

“How long have you been Gryffindor’s ghost?”

“I’ve had the pleasure of being the ghost of Gryffindor tower for 503 years,” he said with pride and Jayme smiled back at him.

“That’s impressive. So you’ve seen a lot of students go in and out of this school?”

Nearly Headless Nick bowed his head in agreement. “Gryffindor had produced many great witches and wizards.”

“Do you remember my mum?” Jayme asked coyly.

“Yes, quite fondly. Another great Gryffindor. I heard that she is an auror.”

She nodded her head and continued. “What was she like during school?”

“Almost all of her family was sorted in Slytherin, so it was quite the steal when we got her. She was strong and independent. She was brilliant as well. An excellent duelist and one of the most powerful witches Hogwarts has seen in a very long time. And as I remember many of the male students found her to be quite breathtaking. Has anyone ever told you that you look very much like her?”

Jayme politely smiled at him. She had heard that loads of times. However, no boy at Hogwarts found her breathtaking.

“Did she have a lot of boyfriends?”

“Yes, she had a few. There was only one serious one that I can remember,” Nick explained then a grim look fell upon his face.

“Who was it?” Jayme asked eagerly.

Nick shook his head a little and almost knocked it loose from his neck.

“It was well before he showed his true colors. Nobody could have known…” Nick trailed off.

“Who was it? Was it Sirius Black?” Jayme asked overzealously.

Nearly Headless Nick was stunned to hear Sirius’s name and this time his head did become detached. Jayme gave him a moment to gather himself.

“So it’s true? My mum and Sirius dated?” Jayme asked, a little more calmly.

“Yes,” Nick answered but looked very sad, “It seemed as if they were destined to be together. They both came from dark wizarding families and were sorted into Gryffindor. The two of them were grouped with the best witches and wizards of the time. And then your mother got pregnant during her last year. It’s a shame what happened. Maybe that’s why Sirius Black turned out the way he did. To lose a child like that would be more than anyone could bare.”

Jayme had stopped walking. Her mum and Sirius did have a child together. A brother she never met.

Nick realized that Jayme had stopped and he turned to see were she went to. He looked a bit alarmed to find her in a state of shock. He thought she had known about her deceased older brother.

“Well…I should be off. I have to talk to the Bloody Baron about something,” Nick rambled and quickly floated off, leaving the scene he had just created.

Jayme was frozen in place. She thought how could her mum keep something like that from her. Her mum for certain had one child with Sirius, did that cement the fact that Sirius was her own father? What else was her mum hiding from her? What else had she lied about?

Jayme walked in a daze up to the owlery. She felt sick.

“How did he die?”

It played over and over in her mind. It said he died in 1980. He couldn’t have been more than two. Did he get sick or was he…Jayme couldn’t bring her mind to that place.

She called one of the school owls down and pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill.

Who is Cillian?

She gave it to the owl and watched it fly off into the dark sky. There was no way her mum could avoid this one.