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I grew up in a family where good meant the nastiest and foulest. I grew up to learn that Muggles were dirt and Mudbloods no better. In other words I grew up in a family of dark wizards.
In my family I was always given high expectations. Learn the dark magic, sit up straight, brush your hair. Above all else, honor the family name and do nothing to tarnish it.
No matter how hard I tried to please them I would always be second best. When it came to practicing curses Bella would always succeed where I wouldn’t, Bella who would become the Dark Lord’s favorite. But I learned enough. I wasn’t stupid, however much talk there was about loyalty to your family I knew that one wrong move, one wrong choice and I would be on my own. I had to know the Dark Arts as a means of survival, not just to satisfy my parents. As they always said, “Learn the Dark Arts or have them be used against you.”
I felt as though I had no control of my life. If I even thought of going out with anyone who wasn’t Slytherin, pure blood and rich, I would be disowned. Muggle Studies was out of the question. I grew up as if I were reading of a script. I knew what was expected of me and I did it. My parents knew some pretty dark magic. Even at Hogwarts I was being watched, for Bella would report back to Father if I so much as looked at a Mudblood the wrong way, nicely that is. They didn’t openly threaten me but I knew if did one thing to tarnish the family name I would be kicked out of the family, just like my sister Andromeda.
To my family Anna was the worst there was. Her first offence was becoming a Gryffindor, and it all cascaded down from there finally ending with marrying a Mudblood, the worst offence. If anyone asked we were to pretend we weren’t related. My parent had just enough heart to let her come home for holidays, but when she started dating Ted Tonks they forced her to find her own house. We never spoke of her again.
But I thought of her often. I had always admired Anna, never openly of course. Sometimes I wish I had stood up for myself and done what was right instead of what was easy, like Anna did. I envied Anna for having the nerve and bravery to do as she wished, to marry who she truly loved despite the fact that he was a Mudblood and it would lead to her banishment from the family tree. She was brave enough to be against the Dark Arts. I knew the Dark Arts were wrong whatever my parent’s said to the contrary, but she unlike me did something about it. I was not brave or noble or bold or any of it. I suppose that’s a good thing or I would have been put in Gryffindor and I would’ve been on the same road as Anna. At the time I thought that was a bad road but now not I’m not so sure.
I wasn’t even allowed to marry who I wanted. It wasn’t called an arranged marriage, but it was as good as. I never loved Lucius Malfoy and he knew it. Being the good little girl that I was, I acted polite and courteous. "You are lucky to marry Lucius," I was told when I showed less that eagerness toward him. And I believed them. My parents owed his parents a favor and as we were both pure blood and there were few other choices. Our families would have dinner together then leave us alone in a fancy sitting room at the Malfoy Manor. I was told how lucky I was to marry a rich, respectable, pure blood and how I should be happy. I was passive enough to believe them.
Bella married Rodolphus Lestrange. It was her own choice. My parents were so proud of dear Bellatrix, for finding such a wonderful pure blood husband. He was strong, handsome and had all the right connections. Bella’s life goal was to be close to the Dark Lord, and he was merely a tool to get near him. They worked well together but there was always something missing. I could see it in her eyes. The one thing I learned from my Dark Arts lessons that was actually of worth was; “It’s all in the eyes.” I could tell that there was no love in the eyes of my sister. There was never that sparkle in her eyes when she looked at him. She didn’t look at him like Anna looked a Ted. But he was head over heels in love with her and so it all worked out. I think Rodolphus was a bit too concerned with the physical aspect of their relationship to notice Bella’s lack of affection.
Bella never wanted love and she never got it. Anna wanted love, fought for it, and got it. It seemed so simple for them. I wanted love but I wasn’t strong enough to fight for it, so I never got it.
Lucius and I ended up together, destined to be married. Who was I to complain? We got along alright as long as we both followed the unspoken rules. I stayed out of the way and did as I was told. He never went too far and provided the best. All was well. I think Lucius, like Bella, was too focused on the Dark Arts to spare time for love. Bella was meant to marry Lucius, but she was too independent and he was too controlling, so he got me instead.
It seemed as though my fate was sealed since the day I was born. This life I have led, already laid out for me. Maybe I could have changed it if I had more bravery more cunning or less loyalty to my family. Despite the way I was treated I always felt an immense loyalty to my family. My family was my life and it was my duty to honor their wishes. They made it clear that I had two choices the Dark Path or Death. If I was against the Dark Lord I was against my family and as good as dead. Still, I realize now that I had a choice and I chose the Dark Path.
That second path that held no Dark Arts, my parents assured me would end in death. “Learn the Dark Arts or have them be used against you.” I didn’t see the second path as an option when it came my time to choose. Even as it became clearer when I saw Anna take that road, I wasn’t strong enough to take it. For along that path I could see many challenges and burdens that I knew I couldn’t withstand.
Little did I know that although my family made the first path look easy it too would be a difficult one full of loses and suffering.
For Bella the choice was obvious and she was eager to take it. I suppose for Anna the choice was a little harder. She was happy with the choice she made, but it must have been difficult. For me I always thought the choice was made for me, but it wasn’t. I always had the option of following Anna, but I chose to take the easy path. I was never truly happy following my eldest sister but that was the choice I had made, and I was told there was no turning back.
AN: I hope you liked it, please review!
I finished Hogwarts with good marks and an unblemished reputation. I knew enough dark magic to get by and satisfy my parents. With a worthy husband my future was settled. Keep the blood line alive by having children and be obedient to the Dark Lord. I thought it was so simple then. How wrong I was.
Before I knew it I was deep in the Dark Lord’s employ. Not out of loyalty, but fear. Fear of what would happen if I didn’t obey. In the past when I saw serving the Dark Lord in my future I never really understood what it meant. I thought Death Eater was a title or an occupation. What I didn’t realize was that it was a lifestyle. I didn’t understand the sacrifices involved.
Being a Death Eater meant dropping anything at a moments’ notice to go and join him. At any given time I could be called to serve him. Being a woman I was low on the hierarchy. I didn’t stand up for myself; I did as I was told. That all changed when I became a mother.
When Draco was born I had a purpose that was a pleasure to fulfill. I threw myself into caring for my son. He always had the best. I turned a blind eye when he got into trouble. He was the one thing that mattered to me. The one thing that I lived for every day, I kept on going because I knew that Draco needed me.
Through all this pain and struggles I grew stronger. I stood up for myself, for Draco. If I wanted to survive in this world I had to be less vulnerable as I was growing up.
I discovered how to survive. However much credit was given to the purity of your blood it didn’t really matter, what mattered was skill and cunning, and how far you would go. Just be careful, because if you go too far you’ll never get out.
I was there to stop Lucius from getting in too deep. Sometimes I had to remind him what we were into and how much control the Dark Lord has. He had to be humble and obedient, something that he was not good at, or we would all suffer.
Being a Death Eater was not only a difficult lifestyle but it also wore on the soul. Killings were mostly left for the men, but there was always an exception and my sister was one of them. Bella I couldn’t be less alike. Our appearance was only a start. She served the Dark Lord as a chance to please him, she found pleasure in it. Bella was so eager to kill and torture and encouraged me to do the same. I did the bare minimum, what was required of me but no more. I did it only to survive, for Draco, my live meant nothing to me.
I rarely killed myself, but as I watched my husband, sister and fellow Death Eaters do so I might as well have. I felt responsible for every death I witnessed for I knew I could have stopped it. However, I also knew that if I did my life would be the next to go. I led a miserable life and I wouldn’t complain if it was over, but I couldn’t do that to my family.
Despite the dismal start to our relationship a strong bond had grown between Lucius and me. There are some things you can’t experience without becoming close and living through this war was one of them. Without Lucius where would I be? In the end, I knew that Lucius needed me too.
I tried to keep Lucius out of trouble. At first he did well with his cover in tack and with a high ranking job at the Ministry no one would dare accuse him of criminal activity or being a Death Eater. But towards the end of it all he began to lose his touch and that was when I was required. With my good looks and innocence I often managed to smooth over his mistakes.
It about finished me when the Dark Lord commanded Draco’s service. How could he take the one thing that really mattered away from me, my son’s life was in the utmost danger. I had to act; I didn’t care if I was disobeying a direct order. All that mattered was my son’s safety.
Draco put on a brave face and was eager for the job. That was my boy, so determined to impress his father. But he didn’t really know what the Dark Side was like. It was not just power and pleasure as Lucius made it out to be. He hadn’t experienced the wrath of the Dark Lord as I had. He had no idea what was in store for him.
It was my responsibility to keep him safe so I ran to the only one that might have been able to help, Severus Snape. Severus was different than the other Death Eaters. I still don’t know why. Maybe it was all the time that he spent with Dumbledore or maybe it was his childhood, but something separated him from the rest of the cold blooded killers, he was somehow more human.
Severus was the Dark Lord’s right hand man. The Dark Lord thought so highly of him that few ever confronted him, but many of us believed he was not worthy to be a Death Eater. My sister was one of them, I was not.
Bella tried to stop me from going to Severus, but by that time I was above following her. I did it once and look where it has led me.
I knew that I should trust no one, but I didn’t have a choice when I went to Severus for help. I know there was little hope left, for I had stopped relying on others a long time ago. With Lucius was in jail, my parents dead, and my sister out of control there was no one to rely on. I had nowhere else to turn. He was my last resort, and I was taking a huge risk, but it paid off.
After much pleading Severus agreed to watch over Draco and perform the task that Draco had been given if he failed. However mysterious and unfeeling Severus Snape may seem and however my sister hated him he cared for Draco and that I wouldn’t forget.
I still don’t know why he agreed to do it. He showed a great weakness for a Death Eater—sympathy, empathy even love. Maybe it was just pity, but whatever the motive I knew Severus Snape was a good man.
I noticed he always avoided killing when he could. He disguised it very well I think I am one of the few who noticed because I attempted to do the same. I believe he has always been on the Dark Lord’s side, but his heart was never in it. He must have known that my heart too was not fully committed to the Dark Arts, despite the fact that we never uttered a word aginst them.
Lucius and Severus were old friends and, he always treated me with the respect that I rarely received from other Death Eaters. I thought very highly of Severus and he didn’t disappoint. After Draco was appointed with the mission I was desperate, hysterical even. Severus gave me some peace, for I knew that Draco was in good hands.
However, I didn’t let down my guard. There was still a great risk involved. I kept Draco close until he went to Hogwarts where I sent him daily owls. When he snuck away in Diagon Alley I was sure something horrible had happened. It was a huge relief when I found him I didn’t even have the heart to yell at him.
So this was the life a Death Eater. Full of constant worry, always being on the alert. One slip up and you would feel the wrath of the Dark Lord. The Malfoy family, my family, had fallen. We were no longer the highly respected wizarding family, we were for so long. We are now forever marked by Lucius’s incompetence. Lucius’s wand was taken away, Death Eaters came and went from our home, oh how my husband wanted to join them, but he could not. It was the Dark Lord’s orders and his word is law.
A law that I have lived by for many years. This is the life that I have led for so many years. For so long I have remained with the choice I made when I was young, to support the Dark Arts. It seemed as though, the choice was made for me, no turning back.
Nevertheless, I take full responsibility for the life that I have led, the crimes I have committed. Although I may have been pulled into it all without much of a chance to struggle I never tried to get out. Yes, it would have been a difficult struggle but by choosing the easy path I am just as guilty as any other Death Eater. Looking back maybe I could have been different. It was too late now or was it?
AN: Please review!
The Dark Lord had fallen to the ground, but he had not yet fallen from power.
I waited in the shadows, still shaken from the battle that had just taken place within Hogwarts. We all knew that today would be the day that the Dark Lord either took over completely or lost all power.
Although, most of us originally thought it would be the former the latter now seemed quite likely.
A few rushed forward to our master, but none of us dared to touch him. A circle of bodies formed around both of them, Harry and the Dark Lord, waiting.
Although none of us would admit to it; what had occurred was not entirely surprising for the weaker of the two had triumphed before, why not again? However, the Dark Lord awoke and took action immediately.
“The boy… Is he dead?”
There was then a deafening silence which seemed to fill the entire forest. Everyone was asking themselves the same question. His cold cutting voice broke the silence.
“You, Examine him.” He demanded jabbing a finger in my direction. “Tell me whether he is dead.”
I approached the boy, and knew as I felt the steady heart beat and the warmth of his body that he had survived once again.
I bent over Harry Potter’s limp body, my long hair falling between him and the other Death Eaters. When I felt a warm breath on my face I knew that the time had come to act.
“Is Draco alive? Is he in the castle?” I murmured and almost imperceptibly the boy that would be my key to freedom replied,
Once again I had two choices. The easy choice would be to announce the truth and let the battle rage on. The second choice would be to lie, but that could result in anything, good or bad.
Now in the present I have only a moment to decide only a moment to choose only a moment to make the decision I made long ago. But this time the circumstances have changed. Do I remain loyal to the Dark Lord as I have been all this time or risk it all and try to protect the one thing that matters--my son.
Within this moment, a moment that contains an eternity, I reflect on my life, on the choices I’ve made and how I remained true to them.
Now I have the opportunity to change, an opportunity that I thought never would come. I know that if I choose to lie and am discovered I will surly face death. But to tell the truth would mean prolonging the time before I can find my son and ensure his safety. The longer I wait the longer he may be in danger, possibly leading to his death, something that I could not allow.
Mustering every ounce of courage I didn’t know existed I said in a strong unwavering voice.
“He is dead.”
From that moment on I never indulged in the Dark Arts again. I was free from the choice I had made at such a young age, no longer chained to loyalty, duty, or fear. The Dark Lord had fallen and my son was safe.
AN: I hope you enjoyed it, don't forget to review!