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Dear Mr. Wizard God, Why do you hate me? Sincerely, Avery Willington by Crazy101
Format: Short story
Chapter 7: Of conditioning, bromances, and embarrassment
I sighed at the bulletin board.
QUIDDITCH PRACTICE 9:00 PM MON-FRI. CONDITIONING WEEK
"Conditioning week?" I asked quizzically to Freddie Dearest.
" Can I have your stash of chocolate frogs when you die?"
Yeah, that was his response.
YUP, THIS SOUNDS LIKE FUN TIME.
"Dom, Lily, and Tasha already have plans, so just you and the mates!" he squealed.
"Freddie, you're such a girl" I sighed.
"OI! I AM VERY MANLY!"
"Mmhmm.... what ever floats your boat Freddikins"
"YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME FREDDIKINS" he roared, pouncing on me.
I gasped for air as he tickled my sides.
"GET OFF MEEEE" I screeched.
"Apologize. Properly." He growled.
Yes, he growled.
He tries too hard on his manliness.
"FINE. FREDERICK GIDEON WEASLEY, I APOLOGIZE FOR THREATENING YOUR MANLINESS, BECAUSE I WAS MISTAKENLY INVALID. YOUR MANLINESS ASTOUNDS EVERYONE AROUND YOU (coughcoughTASHAcoughcough) AND I BOW DOWN BEFORE HIGH AND MIGHTY ONE. ALL HAIL FREDDIE" I roared.
He bowed his head in acceptance and got off me.
"UUUURGH. I CAN'T FEEL MY ARM" I groaned dramatically, placing a hand on my forehead and pretend-fainting on the couch.
But, merlin must have something against me because I actually missed the couch.
"EEEEEK!" I screeched.
I felt a rather strong pair of hands lift me up, inches from breaking my head.
"Thanks, maaaaaa-" I stopped when I saw stupid Potter.
"Hmmm? What was that?" he asked innocently, milking it for all that is was worth.
"UREHJFKLDN!" I screamed in frustration.
Deep breaths, Avery. In, out. In, out. In, out. Now thank stupid, pig-headed Potter cause you would've hurt your ugly head, even though I would have chosen breaking my head over him touching me.
"Umm, Willington? You're doing it again" he sang.
"Talking to yourself. Out loud."
NO, STUPID POTTER IS JUST LEGILLEMENS. UURGH.
Do you know how much I want to punch his face in?
Hmm, that sounds like fun.
"Avery, child, that can't be good for your mental health" he sighed.
PSHH. WHAT DOES HE KNOW ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH? I DON'T HAVE ANY.
"See you tomorrow? Quidditch?" he tried to do that weird wink and ran a hand through his why-did-that-cat-puke-a-black-bird-on-that-poor-boys-head hair.
Ok, Avery. CHIIIIIL.
"Erm yea sure" I mumbled, and my cheeks decided to flame.
"BLAAAARGH." I groaned as I finished my dreary potions essay.
TWO STUPID FEET LONG.
I slowly got up.
By the time I was dressed, I had exactly forty-seven seconds to be on time.
"HUYAHHH!" I roared, charging to the pitch.
I hate James Sirius Potter.
SIXTY STUPID LAPS FOR BEING TWO STUPID SECONDS LATE.
So after my legs were transfigured to jello, we did 300 STUPID SITUPS.
I WANT TO BE WITH DOOOOOOM.
Then, 200 pushups.
Then sprinting 4 miles, the last person had to do it again.
Guess who had to do it again?
Hint: its name rhymes with Schmavery Schmillington.
Hmm... can't guess?
That put me a good 30 minutes behind everyone else, as they repeated the stupid process.
By the time I was done, everyone had left, with the exception of Potter.
I finished my last 4 miles, not breathing properly. It was now definitely around midnight.
I mean pshh, who needs breathing anyways? And sleep?
When I finished, I collapsed on the ground, shaking, trying to regain my breath.
"Muuurmph" I groaned back ever so attractively.
He sighed. "Very well"
HE PICKED ME UP.
"HEY YOU, YEAH YOU THE ONE WITH THE INSANE QUIDDITCH MUSCLES, PUT ME DOWN BEFORE I BASH YOUR FACE IN."
That's what I planned to say, but it came out like "HUUIEAY MUUR, HFKDS MUUR KUS GHKJ OIWE HJKLFJSAA KIUFFOD YHRUIKL, KFDIU ISDUHF OIUE FH JUJUHHH KJDUS UHH"
"NOBODY LAUGHS AT ANGRY AVERY!" I tried to roar.
It kiiinda came out as a weak " Nuhhboi aauffs a agruuh veruhh!"
"Oh, shut up."
I tried to say, "How will I get to my bed, you obviously can't get up, the stairs will just turn into a slide"
Well, you know pretty much what it sounded like, but I think he got the message.
"eh, sleep on the couch"
I made a resisting noise.
"Well, then drag yourself up the stairs to your dorm. Must be fun, seeing you're in sixth year, it'll be a lot of stairs."
"PHIII. I CHULL"(FINE. I WILL.)
I laid on the dirty cold stairs, slowly dragging myself.
After a loOoOoOoOng time, I finally crawled into my bed. I immediately passed out.
As I made my way to Potions, first class, I groaned with every step. The guys did the same.
"Freddie?" I groaned as we limped to the dungeons.
"I hurt" I groaned.
"Me too honey"
"Hug it out, woman to woman."
"yeah, sure" I mumbled through Freddy's shirt.
Tasha and Potter gave us stink eyes.
Hrrmph. People be hating on our bromance.
Oh yeeeah, I forgot Tasha fancies the socks off of him.
And Potter's a poopyhead, he doesn't need any more reason.
"Come on, we need to be on time before Epans decides that we deserve to be hung by our toenails" I sighed, dragging him.
I really wish I was joking about hanging by toenails, but one time Potter and co. decided to sneak dungbombs in his stupid wizard hat. I mean, those were out of style back when Harry Potter and co. were here!
Anyways, Dom got it on film and I found it under her bed while searching for my quidditch robes.
Ok, now that potions was starting, I got out my stupid essay.
Two inches is more my style.
A paper wad hit me in the back of my head. I whipped around, and read it.
So, Avery, have your old bones mended yet?
I glared at Potter's evil grin, and wrote back,
of course not you idiot. Going to hospital wing, pretty sure I sprained my ankle. And my spleen. And my wrist. AND MY FACE.
I sent the crumpled note back with more force than necessary.
I don't think I can hate him much more.
I was wrong. I could hate him much, much more.
So there I was at lunch, innocently stuffing my face with as much rolls as I could.
Actually, I had gotten more than Freddie.
"Honestly, where does all that food go?" Lily tsked.
I gestured to my stomach.
Insert 4 pairs of rolling eyes.
All of a sudden, right as I swallowed by 8th roll (I think) Potter stood up on the other side of the table.
"AVERY WILLINGTON" He boomed.
NONONONONONONONO PLEASE NO. STOP.
"WILL YOU GO TO HOGSMEADE WITH ME?"
Well, life hates me.
"No Potter, honestly, you're out of creative ways to asking girls out? WELL I SAY NO." I fumed, storming out of the hall.
I slid down against the wall to sit in the astronomy tower.
I heard someone come up.
"You ok?" I heard a familiar voice and looked up to see Rose.
Awww, my homie. Haven't seen you in a while, missie.
"Can't believe he would humiliate me like that" I mumbled, head low.
"Look, I know James, and even if he is a poopyhead, his intentions are right there. He's used to being famous, and you have no idea how much expectations he has to live up for."
"Thanks, Rose" I blinked, stood up, and headed to Divinations.
A/N: Ah! Finally added a new chapter! Hope my pitifully small number of readers enjoy this chapter. More Freddie bromance! Except Tasha's not too happy about that.... that'll be in the next chapter.