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Unplanned by ohmymerlin

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Format: Novel
Chapters: 34
Word Count: 125,124
Status: COMPLETED

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Contains profanity, Strong violence, Scenes of a sexual nature, Slash (same-sex pairing), Substance abuse, Sensitive topic/issue/theme

Genres: Drama, Humor, Romance
Characters: Albus, Hugo, James (II), Lily (II), Rose, Scorpius, OC
Pairings: James/OC, Harry/Ginny, Rose/Scorpius, Teddy/Victoire

First Published: 01/09/2012
Last Chapter: 12/15/2013
Last Updated: 12/15/2013

Summary:
banner by kaliedescopes. @ tda

They say being pregnant is one of the most magical times in a woman's life.

Tell me, how is it magical that I gain way too much weight to be considered normal, eat a ridiculously large amount of peanut butter and have crazy hormonal mood swings?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

COMPLETED.


Chapter 18: Comments
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“HELLO, EVERYBODY!” I winced and went to throw a pillow at James, but he wasn’t there.

Right. Quidditch game in fucking Scotland.

I opened my eyes and I heard a, “Hellooooooooooo? Is anybody hoooooomeeeee?”

Oh good god I was going to die, wasn’t I?

Wait, where was the whole thing about my life flashing before my eyes? Wasn’t it meant to come and then you were meant to realise all the stupid things that you’d done and you die as a wise old soul so you become a ghost to pass your knowledge onto others?

Or was I just crazy?

Probably the latter, but it was a ridiculous hour in the morning and someone was singing ‘No Diggity’ at the top of their lungs.

I pulled my quilt over my head, because I didn’t really want to go out and find some crazy axe murderer.

“REEEEEEESE!” I pulled the quilt down and struggled to get out of bed to see a very drunk Lily sitting in the middle of the coffee table, swaying.

“Lily! What are you doing here?!” I asked bewilderedly.

She sniffed. “You never write to me. I get sad. So I decided to come visit. Because I’m sad. Because you never write.”

I looked around and said, “I’m sorry then. I didn’t realise… What time is it?”

She threw her hands up in the air. “How am I meant to know? You’ve gotten fat,” she said simply. She smiled at me when I sighed in exasperation.

“How fat are you?” she asked curiously. “You’re probably double my weight.”

“Lily, stop talking. You have to go back to school! It’s a Wednesday!” I said, still not comprehending the whole fiasco.

She waved her hand unworriedly and crawled off the table to sit next to Lionel in the exact curled position he was in.

“Well… we were gonna have a Halloween party—”

“But Halloween isn’t for another two weeks!” I protested.

“Dammit bitch, are you gonna let me speak or not?” I raised my hands in surrender and she gave me an innocent smile. “But, someone – I can’t remember who – wouldn’t be able to come for some reason so we decided to do it now!” She grinned and I sighed.

I checked the clock and it was four in the morning. “Lil, it’s four in the morning. You have to go back to school!”

She shook her head and looked a bit woozy. “Lily, you okay?” I asked, trying to crouch next to her. It was very difficult with the belly in the way.

She nodded but before she could say anything, she passed out.

Dammit.

-

I used my wand to lift Lily to the couch, took off her heels and gave her a blanket and pillow. I also conjured up a bucket in case she woke up and puked everywhere.

Her make-up had been smudged (I was presuming because she’d been sweating and I think she came by Flooing judging by the mess on my floors) and I wasn’t too sure whether to owl Ginny and Harry. I knew I had to owl the school, but I wasn’t too sure what I had to write.

Unless, I wrote to Hugo and maybe get him to try and think of an excuse?

That sounded like a pretty good plan, if I said so myself.

I looked for parchment until I realised neither James nor I had an owl.

Darn it.

I didn’t want to just leave Lily but it seemed like that was the only way.

I bit my lip and fluffed around, as if cleaning a speck of dust would miraculously give me an idea of what to do. I was mumbling to myself about calling Harry and Ginny but then Lily rolled off the couch with a thump and I rushed towards her.

“Lily, are you okay?!”

She nodded blindly and hoisted herself back onto the couch.

“Don’ttellMumandDad,” she mumbled. I was about to protest but then she fell back asleep (or she passed out again – I’m really not too sure). I watched her sleep for a bit, then decided I’d just go back to sleep as well. We could sort it out in the morning I guess…

-

I woke up and checked on Lily, who was dead to the world.

“Lily.” I gently tapped her shoulders and she groaned, lifting the blanket over her head.

“Go away. My head hurts.” I bit my lip and then decided to make my own breakfast. I was eating my toast with peanut butter when I heard footsteps behind me.

“Reese? What am I doing here?” she asked, clutching her head.

Oh how I didn’t miss hangovers.

I laughed. “You came here at four in the morning, saying that you were sad because James and I never write,” I told her. “Did you want something to eat?”

She nodded slightly. “Please. And some coffee?” I gave her a grin and started to work on her breakfast. “Do people know I’m here?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think so. You said not to tell your parents but you didn’t specify if anyone else knew.”

She sighed in relief. “Thanks for not telling them, I’d be in so much trouble if they did find out. I think Hugo knows because Hugo knows everything.”

I laughed and she winced. “I don’t remember anything at all last night. The last thing I remember is drinking a keg of Firewhiskey.”

I whistled lowly. “Shit, Lily. A keg?”

She nodded, looking proud. “Yup. I think that’s more than James or Al ever did. Now who’s the lightweight?” She cackled and abruptly stopped, holding her head. “Coffee, please.”

I quickly gave her the cup of coffee and she said, “Do you have any Hangover Potion? I think that would really help.” She took a sip of her coffee and gave me a pleading look.

“James probably does. I’ll look for you. By the way, your toast should be ready soon.” She nodded and gave me a smile, looking absolutely exhausted.

I looked for a Hangover Potion and when I finally found it, the baby kicked me in celebration. It was odd, every time something happened, like me finding the potion, it would kick me.

Huh.

I was just about to walk back when I heard a shout, “LILY, I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!” I jumped and Lily groaned.

I walked towards the fireplace where Hugo’s head was sitting, looking very angry. “Hello to you too, Hugo. Can we please continue this conversation when my head doesn’t feel like it’s about to fall off?” Lily asked, flopping down next to the fireplace.

“Take a hangover potion,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“It’s here. Hey, Hugo.” He nodded and continued glaring at Lily. I chucked the vial at Lily who downed it in one, like a shot.

No wonder she could take on a keg, because I know that potion tasted nasty. It tasted worse than a banana Bertie Botts.

“Okay, now we can talk,” she said, regaining more colour in her cheeks.

He snapped, “Did you know what I went through last night? Not only was I smashed, but I lost my cousin. One minute you were dancing with Lysander and the next you’ve disappeared! We were both looking for you and then soon the whole bloody grade was looking for you and then Ciara decided to tell us that you Flooed to your brother’s house and that you’d be back in an hour. So then everyone went to sleep and I waited for an hour. Then another one. Then another one. Then it was time for fucking class so I had no sleep, I was still half-drunk and I had to make up an excuse to why you weren’t in Trelawney’s class.”

Her mouth dropped and she said in a small voice, “I’m sorry, Hugo. I’ll come back now.” She quickly hurried to the bathroom to wash her face and I turned to Hugo to apologise to him too.

“I’m so sorry, Hugo. I would have owled you but I don’t have an owl.”

He shook his head. “Nah, it isn’t your fault. I’m just pissed off at Lily. Imagine if I had done that? You would have heard the scream from Hogwarts.” I laughed and he grinned. “Anyway, I’m going to go now. I’m still a bit tipsy, I need to sleep.” He laughed and I gave him a wave.

“See you later. I’ll make sure Lily gets in the fireplace,” I assured him. He thanked me and with a pop, his head disappeared from the flames.

Lily came out of the bathroom and said, “I feel so bad for Hugo. That was horrible what I did, wasn’t it?”

I hesitated. “Well, yeah. But be glad he’s looking out for you. He’s annoyed, but he’ll probably be fine after he’s had a sleep.” She nodded and gave me a hug.

“Please write to me. Al only sends me pictures of cats for some reason. Does he even work?”

I shrugged. “He’s been ‘working’ every day for the past two weeks or so. I think with the Magpies actually going so well, they’re putting on as many people as they can, even if they don’t need to be on.”

She snorted. “He should have gone to the Cannons. All they probably do is get high and throw paper planes at each other.” I laughed and she gave me another hug. “I’ll see you soon, yeah?” I nodded and then she jumped about a mile into the air. “Did the baby just kick?!” she shrieked.

I nodded and her face lit up. “That’s so cool! Oh my god I’m so going to be one of those creepy people who’s going to feel your stomach all the time, that was so awesome!”

I laughed again. “Don’t worry. At least I know who you are. It’s weird when it’s a person I don’t know. Like, one time I accidentally bumped into an old lady and she started apologising and then was like, ‘May I?’ but before I could say anything she put her hands on my stomach. It was really strange.” Lily laughed and patted my stomach one last time before disappearing into the fireplace with a wave.

-

Yo, Reese. We should do something. I’ve got a day off (FINALLY) and I want to catch up with you. Seriously, it’s like, “WOW WHO’S REESE? I DON’T KNOW THAT PERSON”.
So yeah, we need to do something. Meet at the Leaky Cauldron tomorrow at 12?
Colleen xox

The owl fluttered around the kitchen and I tried to stop it from going crazy. Lionel was sitting at my feet, hissing and spitting and doing that thing where all their fur goes up and they end up looking like Satan’s favourite hairstyle.

I summoned a spare bit of parchment (I was pregnant, I was allowed to be lazy thank you very much) and scrawled: Sounds great! I’ll see you then! Reese.

I looked around and saw the owl sitting on top of the fridge. Ugh.

“Mr Owl?” I asked tentatively, not wanting to go near it. “Can you come down here please? I want to tie this letter to you so you can get it to Colleen.”

He hooted and Lionel hissed, darting out the room. The owl flapped and screeched and I swore.

See, this was why I didn’t have an owl. They were more trouble than what they were worth.

After a very lengthy battle (which involved me swearing and trying to reach up to the owl while Lionel attacked my feet), I finally sent the letter away.

I picked up Lionel and held him at arm’s length as he tried to bite my hands. “Mr Lionel,” I chastised. He hissed at me again and I pulled him close to cuddle him. “Why are you being such a grump?” He growled and squirmed out of my grip.

I shrugged and washed my hands to continue eating dinner.

-

I was sitting at the Leaky Cauldron by myself, because I was just cool like that. I sat down and three different people asked if I needed help with anything.

I had literally sat down for ten minutes, but I swear, it was like people swarmed around me. I tried to stay polite but then a girl came for the fifth time, “Hi did you want to order now?”

“No. I do not want to order, I’m waiting for a friend,” I said through gritted teeth.

She nodded understandingly. “Are you going to tell the guy that you’re pregnant? Ooh, is there going to be a scandal? Are you going to throw a drink in his face? Slap him?”

I was taken aback. “No. I am not,” I snapped. “I’m actually meeting a friend and it’s none of your business who I’m meeting.”

She put her hand on her hip and said curiously, “So does the father know or are you going to do that bitchy thing where you don’t tell him and then ditch the kid on him like a year later?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” She jerked backwards and I said, “How dare you ask me a question like that? You don’t even know me you ignorant slut.”

She raised her eyebrows at me. “Are you really calling me a slut?”

“Yes. Now go away before I curse your face off.”

She rolled her eyes and walked away. See, this was the reason I sometimes I want to kill people.

I was sitting there, ready to Avada that bitches face off when Colleen sat down in front of me. “Why so grumpy, Riz?”

“Some complete bitch made some stupid comment about me,” I grumbled. “How’ve you been?”

“Good, good. How many comments have you gotten about being knocked up?” she asked, giving me a grin.

“First one so far, but I’ve gotten plenty of dirties.”

She nodded and asked, “So I’ve come to tell you why you didn’t get the job – WHICH YOU SO SHOULD HAVE!” she shouted.

I jumped and said, “Don’t worry about it. I knew I wasn’t going to get the job.” I shrugged.

She tutted, “Well, they had your letter written out and everything and then some super-hot guy comes in and blows them all away with his majestic powers and then they hired him instead and I tried convincing them that they needed another person but by then they were like, ‘Oh but she won’t be able to work for a long time’ and I kept arguing and then, well I gave up.”

I gave her a grateful smile. “That’s okay. Maybe I’ll apply next year or something. Thanks though.” She winked at me and I said, “So this super-hot guy, what does he look like?”

She grinned and started fanning herself. “Oh. My. God. He’s absolutely gorgeous. He’s got these amazing golden-yellowy eyes – which should be gross but it isn’t – and he’s a bit on the short side and his teeth are crooked, but he’s just so beautiful. He’s hilarious and he is SO SMART! Like, I asked him a Muggle math question like what was eight-hundred and ninety three times four-hundred and sixty seven and the square root of that. AND HE GOT IT!”

“I didn’t understand one word of that question thingy. What the hell is a square root?” I asked.

She snorted. “You’re the Muggleborn, you should know that!”

I rolled my eyes. “Just because I’m Muggleborn doesn’t mean I know every little detail about Muggles. Like I don’t know how to drive, I don’t know how escalators or elevators work. It’s like, do you know everything about the Wizarding world?”

“Touché, Riz, touché.” She nodded her head and I smiled widely at her. “Anyway, can I continue about Goldilocks?”

I laughed. “Is that his name? Or did you give him that nickname?”

She winked. “I gave him that nickname. His real name is Jessie so you know, if we get married I’d be Jessie’s girl and that’s just perfect.”

“Jessie’s girl?” I asked confusedly.

She huffed. “It’s an old Muggle song. You know, ‘Oh I wish I had Jessie’s girl!’” I shook my head and she rolled her eyes. “My dad always listens to it. It’s really old, like 1980s old.”

“Oh wow! That’s SO old! That was what, like forty years ago?”

She laughed. “Yeah, it’s as old as my dad but he loves it. When we were little and he’d take us on a road trip we just listened to on repeat. Mam went crazy by the end of it but Dad and I were cool with it.”

I laughed and she said, “I’m starving. Should we order?” I nodded and she said, “I’ll go up and order then when I come back, you order.” I nodded and she left to go to the counter. I sat by myself again and I heard a shout.

“OI, PREGASAURUS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!”

I turned around and saw Louis walking up towards me with a goofy grin on his face. He sat down in Colleen’s spot and I said, “I’m with a friend. I know you lack those but it’s when someone enjoys your presence and don’t say mean things to you.”

He waved it off. “I’m your friend. Friends aren’t nice to each other they insult the living daylights out of them. Who you with?”

I laughed and shoved him slightly. “Colleen Finnigan. Now leave.”

He pouted and Colleen came up behind him. “What are you doing in my spot Blonde Beauty?”

He flicked his hair extravagantly and said, “Madam, I must ask you to leave the premises because I don’t like you.”

I rolled my eyes and Colleen sat on him. “Do you not like me now?”

“I don’t like you even more because you’re squashing me,” he said, poking her waist to try to get her to move. The joke was on him though because Colleen wasn’t ticklish.

She wiggled and laughed when his face contorted in pain. “I would say that you’re comfortable but you’re bony and—” she cut off when she realised what she had just said. Louis and I both burst out into laughter and she went bright red, quickly jumping off Louis.

She pulled a chair from another table and sat down, telling me to go order. I got up and ordered and I saw the same girl who made those stupid comments.

“Oh, it’s you again. What do you want?” she said boredly.

I rolled my eyes. “Can I just have a cheeseburger?”

“I need the magic word.” She gave me a smirk and I huffed.

“How about no and you do your fucking job before I hex you into smithereens?” I had always wanted to use that word and now I finally did it.

She rested her elbow on the counter and held her chin, looking bored. She was obviously not going to do anything. “Listen, I know the owner and I’m going to go get her and watch you as your sorry arse gets fired.”

She scoffed, “You don’t know her, you’re making this up.”

I raised my eyebrows at her and said, “Okay then.” I made my way to the bar and found Mrs Longbottom.

“Reese! It’s lovely to see you again! Do you need any help?”

I smiled at her sweetly, looking back at the dumb bitch, who had paled considerably. “Yeah actually. One girl refuses to serve me because she made some comments about me and I snapped at her. And she didn’t believe that I knew you so I’m kinda proving a point here.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Was it about you being pregnant? Or being pregnant with James’ kid?”

“Oh just me being pregnant. You know, calling me a bitch and what-not. And since she won’t let me order…”

Hannah nodded and said, “Follow me. I’ll talk to her.”

I grinned and followed her happily. Colleen looked at me confusedly and I shook my head, mouthing ‘don’t worry’ to her.

“Elise? Were you treating our customers with disrespect?” Hannah said dangerously.

She gulped and stuttered, “U-um, n… er…”

“And not any customer but my nephew’s girlfriend?” Her eyes widened and she whimpered softly. I had to bite my lip to stop me from smirking. “Elise, you’re late to all your shifts, you’re rude to all the customers and you often get people’s orders wrong. I’m going to have to let you go.”

She slumped and then I tuned out when Hannah started going on about legal stuff and all that.

Revenge would be mine.

(Insert evil cackle).


WOW LOOK AT MY MAD UPDATING SKILLS WOOO ~

disclaimers:
No Diggity is owned by Black Street
Jessie's Girl is owned by Rick Springfield
Goldilocks is from 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears' by poet Robert Southey. :)
everything else = J.K. Rowling

thanks for reading! :)

edited: 12/9/13

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