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Pretending by wish right now x
Chapter 2: Uncomfortable Moments
I kept replaying the thoughts over and over in my head, unable to sleep. When I finally did manage to fall asleep, it must have been past three O'clock. I felt the tiredness overcome me as I woke up less than three hours later, running to the bathroom to throw up. I felt someone enter the room behind me and pull my hair out of my face, while I continued vomitting last nights dinner into the toilet.
"Ughh" I groaned, turning to Rose and wiping my mouth with the towel she handed me. "And is this going to happen every morning?" I asked Rose bitterly.
"Just for the first trimester, then it should go" Rose said. Rose was the expert on everything there was in the world, and apparently the extent of her knowledge also included pregnancy.
I walked passed her and peaked into the room, where Savannah and Chloe remained fast asleep. I was thrilled that my throwing up hadn't woken the pair, though also a little jealous that they got to sleep while I was up puking in the toilet.
"You're going to need to tell them soon, otherwise they'll just work it out" Rose warned me.
"Well considering I need to tell my parents, my brother and...oh, yeah, the baby's father, I wouldn't exactly put the two of them at the top of my list" I told her, grabbing my toothbrush and getting ready to scrub my teeth clean. An awkward silence fell over the two of us. Rose watched me carefully while I brushed my teeth, not saying a word but looking deep in thought.
"Have you decided what you are going to do yet?" She asked.
"Rosie, I've known for less than a day. I've not exactly got it planned out" I replied.
"I know but have you never thought about it? Thought about what you would do if you were pregnant in Hogwarts..." She asked, and I rolled my eyes at how prepared she was. This was Rose Weasley of all people, I should have known that she would have a plan ready for some of the most unlikely situations like this.
"What would you do then? If it were you instead of me?"
"Well, I would tell Scorpius, tell our parents, try and work out around our studies and then have the baby" She explained, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"And then you would all live happily ever after" I finished for her, rolling my eyes. Only Rose Weasley, would have a plan just in case. "So you'd keep the baby? At this age?"
"Yeah" She stated simply. "But we actually use a little thing called protection so we don't end up having to make a decision"
I continued to brush my teeth, ignoring the insulting comment Rose had just given me. Rose still stood waiting for me to say something more.
"So you have no idea what you're going to do about it?" She asked, looking down at the ground as if she was ashamed of what she was asking.
"Nope" I replied. "I am absolutely clueless"
"Why don't you tell Al then? He could help you decide" She suggested.
"The same reason I don't jump off the Astronomy tower, because it is a stupid idea"
"How? If it were me, Scorpius would be the first person I told"
"Even before me?" I asked, in mock hurt. "That's the big difference anyway Rose. Inevitably, you were bound to become pregnant with Scorpius' baby, although in like ten years. I on the other hand have not even looked at Al since the incident. It would be pretty weird walking up to him and telling him I am carrying his child"
"So when do you plan on telling him?" She asked.
"Well, that depends on what I decide to do about it"
"I really don't think this is the best way to go around your situation Harvey" She told me, shaking her head gently.
"Well, good thing it's not you making the decisions at the moment Weasley" I spat, throwing my toothbrush in the cup that held the rest of them.
"What are you two talking about at this time in the morning?" Chloe asked, interrupting our small argument. Neither of us seemed to have noticed that she'd risen, but her eyes were half-closed and her words were interrupted with long yawns every time she tried a full sentence, indicating that she wasn't fully awake yet to understand what was going on.
"Toothpaste" I squeaked, replying to Chloe's earlier question. Whoever said I was good at lying was obviously a liar themselves. While Rose rolled her eyes at my stupidity, Chloe only shrugged in reply. The three of us stood in the bathroom awkwardly, unsure what exactly we were supposed to do.
"I need to pee" Chloe stated.
"Oh!" Rose and I replied simultaneously, running out of the bathroom and back to our warm, unmade beds. However Rose whispered something in my ear before my head could land on my pillow.
"You need to decide"
And unfortunately, as usual, Rose Weasley was right.
I woke up the next morning to someone shaking my bed. I opened my eyes and looked to the end of my bed were I saw my three room mates jumping on my mattress, not seeming to care about the fact that I had finally gotten to sleep.
"Harvey! Finally, you're awake! You've slept in till midday!" Savannah exclaimed. The trio had now fallen and were sitting cross-legged on my blue double-bed.
"Yeah because I was tired" I replied, grabbing my pillow and using it to cover my ears. My roommates however had other plans for me.
"No, no, no" Chloe said, ripping the pillow from my hands. "You need to come to the dining hall with us! Maybe having something to eat would make you feel better?"
"Yeah, you can't just stay in here all day, again" Savannah added.
"Am I honestly not aloud to stay in here and wallow in self-pity?" I asked my friends, staring particularly at Rose who had remained unusually quiet.
"Nope" Savannah smiled.
"What if I say we can eat ice-cream" I suggested, and while Savannah looked as if she was considering allowing it, Chloe and Rose just rolled their eyes.
"It is a beautiful day, we have no where to be and nothing we need to do, let's celebrate it" Chloe smiled, dancing around the room in a graceful way.
"I don't want to" I cried like the pathetic child I really was.
"Harvs, please" Rose spoke up for the first time that morning. She stared deep into my eyes, practically using the puppy dog eyes on me, the one's she knew I couldn't say no to. "For me?"
"Fine" I gave in, and my roommates cheered in delight. I got up and headed for my wardrobe, grabbing some clothes to shove on for our great adventure to the great hall.
"And we promise that you won't see Aaron, and if you do you can come strait back up" Chloe promised. I looked at her confused, before remembering that this was why they seemed to believe I was upset. It's not a false story that I'd told them, they'd just pieced together the pieces of their own puzzle and come up with this plausible explanation. I nodded along with this, winking at Rose.
"I bet they'd let you stay in bed if they knew" She sang under her breath, so only I could here it.
"Rose, both you and I know. I think that's more than enough for now" I sang back in the same tone. She stuck her tongue out and I retorted by mirroring her image. The scary thing was, I was going to be a mother. I who acted like a child was going to have a child. Scary.
"Hurry up!" impatient Savannah called from outside the door.
"I need to get dressed!" I whined back. I looked at Rose who was no longer looking at me, but playing with the edge of her nails nervously, as if there was something that she was keeping from me. I couldn't be bothered to ask, realising that if it was something really important, then she would tell me. Or at least I hope she would.
When I was dressed in the moments later, the four of us linked arms and began to skip down to the hall. People looked at us as if we were slightly crazy, but to be honest, I didn't care. They'd be looking at me anyway when I was as big as a whale in the following months. Everyone would be looking at me and little baby Callaghan. I wasn't dressed as fresh as I could have been, but I wasn't dressed like a slob either. My hair was tied to the side in a laid-back plait, I was thankful I hadn't gotten vomit on it this morning. I had pulled on some grey woollen tights, a denim-skirt and an old T-shirt, as well as a warm comfy cardigan to go out in in early October. I'm sure we'd have even more people staring at us if I had gone out in my pyjamas or loungewear. I was known as a bit of a fashionable person around here. I wasn't one of those girls that spent hours fixing their hair and make-up, or one of those who, in my opinion, seemed to be having a contest for who could go around looking the most ridiculous. I just took an interest in the current fashions, and liked to look cool.
"Yay, they still have bacon!" Savannah mused, rushing over to the table and taking a bit of the delicious breakfast food onto her plate. The rest of us slowly followed her over to the seats she had taken, placing similar amounts of food onto our plates. The smell of scrambled eggs filled my nose, causing me to suddenly run out of the great hall, ready to throw up. the nearest bathroom was too far away, and would probably be full as it was, so I ran into the closest bit of privacy I could find; an empty broom cupboard. I found a bucket and began hurling the breakfast I hadn't managed to eat into it. Ew.
I sat down next to the vomit-filled bucket when I was done, holding my poor, empty stomach and trying to catch my breath.
"See what you're doing to me?" I shouted at the little thing in my tummy, which obviously didn't like eggs and bacon. I wonder what it did like and would allow me to drink? I was still trying to decide what I was going to do, but that definitely wasn't a point in it's favour.
"There you are!" Rose exclaimed creeping into the cupboard and shutting the door quickly so no-one could see us. She placed a silencing charm on the door and locked it, before instantly bringing her arm up to cover her small, pale nose. "Harv, it wreaks in here!"
"Kind-of happens when you throw up, you know it smells" I replied sarcastically, while a gagging Rose who had just seen the vomit sat down next to me placing a comforting hand on my arm.
"You feeling alright?" She asks.
"Perfect" I mutter back in the same tone as before, though Rose tries to ignore it.
"I told Sav and Chloe that you left because you saw Aaron"
"Clever" I nodded along at her clever thinking. "Do you think they suspect anything?"
"Not yet, but they'll definately catch on soon. They just think that your depressed about your break-up with Aaron"
"Am I not? It was that that lead to this whole thing" I whisper, tears forming in my eyes.
"No Harv, It was you, Al and a bit too much fire-whiskey that lead to this"
I shook my head vigourously, wanting to go back to bed and forget about the whole situation.
"Well, you can't say I didn't try" I say, standing up and dusting off my skirt. Who knows how often Filch cleans this place, but considering my skirt was greying from sitting on the floor, my bet would be that it wasn't very often.
"Wait, Harvey. They are still really worried about you. They don't know the truth. They think because you're so depressed that's whats making you ill and avoiding going out" She pleaded.
"Well do you know what? I'm not that upset about Aaron. I hardly give a shit about Aaron. I just feel so guilty that I slept with your cousin and now I'm pregnant and having a baby. That's whats making me sick!" I snapped at her, and through all the hurt she was feeling, Rose stayed strong, continuing to stare me down.
"I know that! But they don't as I've been trying to tell you! So unless you want to tell them and everyone else the truth, which you've made it quite clear that you don't, then I'd stick to the Aaron story as what's making you so upset or try to be a bit more normal!" She said, her voice remaining calm through harsh words. "We're all going to the Library fro a study session at 6 this evening, and no matter what you are coming with us. It's the best way to keep your little secret."
I groaned as Rose left the closet. Why was she always right?
The majority of the rest of the day was spent with me lying in my bed, till I eventually got up and tried to do some studying, or anything to take my mind off my current predicament. Sav and Chloe were in the Common room working on Quidditch plays with the rest of the team, while Rose spent the day mostly sitting in the dorm room on her bed. My best friend and I didn't talk, for fear of a disagreement between us. Rose knew I was still touch on the subject, and seemed to be unable to think of anything to say at all while I was so emotional. By 4 O'Clock, she decided to go down to the dining room to get dinner with her family. It had been a Weasley-Potter tradition for longer than I had been at Hogwarts that that entire family would eat together on a Sunday, and use it as an opportunity to catch up and check that they were all okay. Hogwarts was a large school, and the clan had family members spread across all four houses, meaning it was easy for them to go entire terms without crossing paths. The Sunday-dinner scheme stopped that and made sure they stayed what they prided themselves on being- a true family.
By the time I got down to the Library, Rose, Sav and Chloe were already down there, whispering about me.
"Hey" I said, throwing my bag onto the table and taking my seats. The three of them immediately stopped talking awkwardly, so deciding to ignore it, I grabbed one of the transfiguration textbooks that they had put out on the table and began studying with them in silence, waiting for someone to make conversation. However with the exception of a couple of 'How are yous?" and "So..."'s, nothing seemed to be said between any of us. The studying continued and I was stuck in my own little world. So focused on the words of transfiguration, that I didn't hear two boys walk up to our table.
"Hey Rosie" Scorpius said sweetly, as he placed a small kiss on his girlfriends cheek.
"Scorp!" She exclaimed excitedly, causing her to get a dirty look from the librarian, who usually loved the brilliant Rose.
"Mind if we study with you?" He asked, dumping his bag on the floor by her.
"Go for it, but we are actually studying" She teased him. Rose was always a lovely, serious person, however whenever she was never happier than when she was around Scorpius. He brought out a fun, almost wild side of her that no one else could. Well, we could try of course. It was only then that I decided to look at who Scorpius had brought with him, Al Potter. Why am I not surprised?
Al took the only seat still available, the one next to me.
"Hi Harvey" He said awkwardly.
"Hey" I mumbled back, not able to look him in the eye. Then again, he couldn't really look at me properly either. I had never felt more awkward in my life, and Rose was just staring at us both in the end, me still unable to lift my eyes from the book. Here we were sitting next to eachother for ten minutes that seemed to go on for ever, me unable to concentrate or feel remotely comfortable at all.
"I'm going to go back to the dorm. I...umm..feel really ill" I told them, before practically running for the door. It wasn't a total lie. The baby thing must have felt as awkward and uncomfortable as me, because I eventually found myself in the girl's bathroom, throwing up. That study trip had been fine in taking my mind off of my issue, right up until Albus had come in. Everything was just so awful. How was I meant to even consider raising a baby with this guy if I could barely even stay in the same room as him. That's even if he would want to be involved, theres nothing to say that he wouldn't run off with some slag and leave me to raise the baby all by myself, which everyone knows I wouldn't be able to do. How was I suppose to be a decent mother? I was selfish and immature, I couldn't look after myself, let alone a small, whiny baby that would never, ever shut-up! And imagine if I did keep it and eventually he or she went to Hogwarts. It would be the fatherless baby who's mother got pregnant at school and was a total idiot. And even if Al did want something to do with it, he'd never be able to properly come and see it because he couldn't be in the same room as me at all, and the baby would have awkward times of being passed from one parent to another, until Al ditched us both and started his 'real' family with some horrible, wicked step-mother that would treat my child like a slave and make them sweep the floors and wash the windows like and old-fashioned house elf. My child would have a horrible life!
The thoughts were too much for me, and I started crying, balling my eyes out in the middle of the bathroom, trying to think of the easiest way to get back to the dorm without anyone seeing me. I decided there was no way to do this that would be very efficient, so just took a deep breath to try and stop crying for a moment, and made a dash for it running through the hallways. I was lucky as most people were still at dinner, or doing last minuet homework in their respective common rooms, so weren't in the hallways to see me and dub me 'weird girl who runs through the hallways in tears and smells of vomit'.
I reached the dorm room having only seen one person wandering through the hallways, who I hadn't bothered to look at the face of, as well as the many people who I had managed to avoid conversation with in the common room.
I took a deep breath and began pacing around the room, wiping my wet cheeks whilst thinking hard. My breathing became heavier, and I felt ready to collapse when I realised my decision was made. So when Rose came in, I told her exactly what I knew in the back of my mind since I found out I was pregnant.
"I'm going to get rid of it"