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Here without you by kjp

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Format: Novel
Chapters: 26
Word Count: 75,461
Status: COMPLETED

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Strong Violence, Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse, Sensitive Topic/Issue/Theme, Contains Spoilers

Genres: Drama, Romance, Angst
Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Bellatrix, Voldemort, Neville, Luna, Ginny, OtherCanon
Pairings: Harry/Ginny, Arthur/Molly, Bill/Fleur, Remus/Tonks, Ron/Hermione

First Published: 02/04/2012
Last Chapter: 12/02/2012
Last Updated: 12/02/2012

Summary:
amazing banner by lucky.clover @TDA

















Hogwarts has come somewhat a prison, here without you. Snapes taken over and the carrows are out to get me. I won't let them of course, your still playing in my mind. And while your inside me I know I'll be just fine. 

Story complete | Epilogue up| over 9000+ views


Chapter 20: Terrified of a Memory
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 1st April

 

“-She said that they’d ambushed them on the way home” was the first words we heard as soon as we’d got the extendable ears ready. Me and the twins was silently arguing over who holds the other end, knowing that the one who holds it get to hear to most.

“so this Lovegood girl she’s at your house?” Muriel said.

My ears pricked up instantly at the mention of Luna. So Harry had saved her? Luna was safe.

A wave of calmness swept over me and I felt my shoulders relax more at the thought of her being safe. I wondered what was going to happen to her dad as soon as they know she’s escaped.

A tight knot formed in my stomach at the thought of her being at held capture in Malfoy manor, rumours said that was where you-know-who himself was staying. They better have not touched her, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold in my anger any longer after that.

“Yes she is” Bill mumbled to our batty great-aunt “Hermione was hurt. They didn’t tell me anything but I’m presuming she got tortured she didn’t look too good”

I pushed the ear away from me slightly thinking of Hermione. Was she alright? Will she be ok? My breathing speed up a bit at the image of Hermione lying on the floor being tortured, it was a horrible thought and made me want to be sick.

“Harry and Ron were ok although Harry was a bit messed up about the fact that the house elf dobby died, after all he did save his life”

My heart went out to Harry, I know that he was fond of that elf but at the minute Dobby didn’t seem too important, I only cared that Harry was safe, that Luna was still her usual bubbly self and that Hermione was going to be alright. Nothing else mattered at the minute to me.


and I suppose that I cared if Ron was ok, but really it doesn’t matter.

“Did they say anything?” Mum asked, I could imagine her pale face at the thought of what Ron, Hermione and Harry had just been through. I know if I was a mother I’d be constantly worried about my child getting hurt and want them at my side all the time.

My heart hammered faster, I wanted to know anything possible. I’d promised myself that I would find out anything that I could to find out what they’d been up to. I was going to prove to Harry that I was someone to trust, someone that is cleverer than he put me down for. 

There was a slight pause, I almost thought that they’d put a silencing charm on the door but just as I was about to pull away and start chatting about what we’d just heard Bill continued.

“Well… there was something. I’ve only heard the word once, pretty dark magic though I must admit. I saw it when I was going into studying curse law and dark magic counter curses but I can’t imagine that they’d be going after that, they’re almost impossible to find, they can be any object or anywhere… for all we know it could be at the bottom of the ocean” Bill went on slightly sighing every now and then.

“Well what is it” I heard mums worried voice whisper soundlessly.

“Uh, I’m not sure. I think they’re called horcrux or something like that” he stammered.

There was a minute or two of silence until Dad broke it.
“Well what’s that?”

“It’s a dark object. I’m not really sure what it is or how a person makes it but I know that it’s a object of some sort with a piece of your soul in their. It can stop a person from dying” Bill uttered gulping a bit at his parents reactions “It’s a horrible thought them chasing after things so powerful but I could see you-know-who having one”

It was like a light bulb had formed in my mind and the puzzles fit together, it made sense right? It definitely sounds something Dumbledore would give them and a right challenge, it would take months to find (after all it could be any bloody object in the entire universe).

There was a clatter of something and then mum spoke, her voice a little muffled and dry.

“No that can’t be possible, Dumbledore would have told the order about something that huge” Mum cried, I could hear her heartbreaking voice and how desperate she sounded. I knew from that day on I would never ever forget her voice it sounded so sad and needy that I felt like crying myself.

I knew mum would react like this as soon as I heard what they were up to, I’ll admit that I too am worried about Harry, Ron and Hermione but its to like them to go of and save the world, vanish from sight and then appear out of no where saying that they are chasing after Voldermort soul.

I just wish I was apart of this chase.

“Mum I know its hard and I reacted in the same way as soon as I heard them”

“I’m going over there right now!” Mum grumbled.

Then came the loud scrapping of chairs that almost frightened me to death. If mum excited that room then she’d see the ear dangerling down from the floor above her, and I don’t think she’ll be too impressed.

“Mum you can’t do that! They don’t know I heard” Bill yelled. The door slightly opened, I stood frozen, I saw mums ginger hair around the door that now stood ajar.

With a panic the twins seized the ears of me and gave them a great tug, although I could see a little grin on their faces… they missed being mischievous listening on things because they didn’t need too; they were part of the order. But of course I missed doing it the most!

Bill grabbed mums arm, I understood why he didn’t want her to go Harry had been so secretive about his plans for the year that he might get a little angry that Bill had been listening on their conversations, but I also understood where mum was. She just found out that her youngest boy was out hunting deadly things at the risk of his life along with all of his friends… I wouldn’t like to be in my mothers position, not one bit.

“I have to go Bill!”

We heard everything clearly now only being on the second floor landing as the door was clean open.

“Mum they don’t know that I know. They would probably deny it anyway” Bill shouted pulled mum away from the door gently and closing the door back up again with a loud slam… which I don’t think was intentional.

I breathed a sigh of relief and Fred and George dropped down the ear again howling with laughter and the thought of almost being caught… how can you laugh about that! They are so weird.

“Who else is with them, I heard Ollivander was being kept at malfoy manor. Is it true? Did they get him out?” Dad asked with a worried twist to his voice that unnerved me.

“Yes there was Mr. Ollivander and dean Thomas” Bill said.

Both the twins looked at me in a strange way grinning a bit, they knew about my ex boyfriends and I felt my face burn bright red and allowed my hair to flop straight into my face.

“Shut up” I growled at them.

I knew he was on the muggle born register and was on the run but had no idea he’d been caught, it probably showed up on potter watch at some point but I only just bloody found out about that! (talk about secrecy in the family)

“Which brings me to this, they need places to stay” Bill announced.

My heart raced up. Who stay here? Did they mean Harry? Oh I hope he does, I could actually talk to him, and know that he’s here and that he really isn’t a fragment of my imagination.

“What Ron!” Mum instantly brought up, again the sounding of scrapped chairs and a loud thump echoed through to us.

“No, Dean and Mr. Ollivander” he said.

I felt myself feeling upset and completely and utterly angry at myself for getting my hopes worked up, of course he wasn’t going to stay here that’s the most stupidest thing ever, he’ll be leaving shell cottage any day now no doubt about it.

“oh” I heard mums disappointed sigh, it was heartbreaking and I wanted to go and hug her tell her that they were safe.

There was a loud cough erupt from somewhere in the room and my first guess was old batty Muriel. Of course she’d have something to say about this.

“Do I get a say in this!” Muriel cried. I knew he’d agree but she was just causing drama for everyone as usual “This is my house you know, it seems that people forget that sometimes! Now I wouldn’t mind if it was that Potter boy that was staying here, he would have honour in this house, he’s famous but having a mud-blood and a wand maker who is being hunted just could cause trouble for me” The old lady finished.

My blood boiled at her, how dare she call Dean a mud-blood! He doesn’t even know him and she’s judging him just as the death eaters are and it makes me sick.

She’s a coward that’s what she is just like the rest of the death eaters and you-know-who, I’m starting to doubt mum when she says she was a Gryffindor!

There was another pile of silence added on, something I’m noticing is very common these says until my mum broke it with a voice I don’t think I’ve ever heard before “You vile women

“My son is out their saving the world and all you care about is having a famous boy stay at your house, how I’m related to you I’ll never know!” Mum screamed at her aunt with a shill in her voice that even caused me to flinch “Your just as bad as the death eaters…” mum trailed off.

“How dare you insult me in my own house. I tell you I’m a hundred and twenty year old women and…”

“Stop using your age as an excuse for things!” Mum shrieked.

“You are the most ungrateful person ever” Muriel began obviously angry “I let you stay in this house and you are insulting me like this. I let your children run around this house pulling there stupid little pranks on me. When young Ginivere was born I had hopes for her into turning into a beautiful young lady and you with your bad mothering skills has turned her into like the rest and allowed her to follow her damn mind without telling her against it! No wonder this is the effect of having so many brothers pressuring her to be like them. That girl of yours Molly’s seems to think she can fight any war all by herself and isn’t even of age. Fred and George run a joke shop! How childish and you are allowing them too” Muriel sneered viciously “ You let Charlie run off to Romania doing a ridicules and dangerous job that could end up killing him... I mean dragons! How you could ever let your child do something do crude is beyond my imagination, Your even letting Ron go and risk his life for a worthless cause where you-know-who has won! And your married to a man who can’t even afford a weekly dose of bread”

Everything snapped, she’d already been walking on a thin line but that was enough, insulting everyone of us was completely out of the question and unacceptable. I was about to storm into the room and give her a good old slap and if she continues then a punch will be aiming at her.

Fred and George held me by the arm making me feel completely calm again. They too also had the same menacing look on their face, which look completely weird… I’d never seen that face of theirs.

There came a great crash from the room and a sudden bang and even through the door closed I could see the burst of light erupt.

“STOP!” Dad shouted.

The noises stopped and the soft sounds of mums light breathing filled into the extendable ear which we still were all crammed around.

“I’ll let you know that I don’t allow my daughter to follow her mind, I allow her to follow her damn heart!” Mum cried out “And if I know my daughter well enough I expect she’s been fighting for what she believes in and for what is right and you will not dare have a go and me and Ginny for doing that because I will certainly not allow it! Fred and George are living their dream something that not many of us rarely get to do and are earning more than yourself have earned in a lifetime and so is Charlie of in Romania and he is happy! Do you get that? He is Happy! Something that I cannot imagine you would ever understand. Bill is in love and married to a beautiful young girl and your right Ron is of saving the world because he believes he can. He’s staying with his best friend Harry! It doesn’t matter that Arthur isn’t getting much money income I love him and that is all I care about. So your comments are unwelcome here and I will not stand here and let you insult me on how I raise my children” Mum finished.

My mouth must have unhinged itself because it was fully open. Even Fred and George were shocked out of their mind.

Muriel had nothing to say to that and instead stayed quietly, and I hope she’s staying quite in shame because she deserves it.

“Now I suggest you allow Dean and Mr Olivander stay here” Mum gulped. I think she’d just realised what she’d just done.

Dad coughed a bit to make the scene even more awkward than ever and we all realised that the conversation had closed, in a hurry as the door to the lounge was being opened Fred tugged on the extendable ear and ran up the stairs to their room where we were suppose to be.

“Wow that was interesting” Fred chuckled shoving in his mouth a bertie bott every flavour bean that had been laying on the side table.

“You don’t say?” I shook my head at him and sat down on the chair that was perfectly placed in the corner.

“I didn’t expect mum to have an outburst like that”

“None of did George” Fred answered truthfully.

Their room was considerably messier than anywhere else in the house, everything had just been chucked on the floor in a untidy state, I would even be able to tell you what colour the floor was.

“Muriel doesn’t seem to like us does she?” George laughed flopping himself down onto his bed and closing his eyes resting.

“yeah even more so you Ginny, she just kept babbling about you” Fred acknowledged.

I simply shrug my thoughts replaying the recent events of the previous conversation that had just exploded out. I’d never expected anything that big.

“Well today was a great day guys” Fred laughed sarcastically.

“yeah it was the best birthday ever!” George followed on also sniggering but I knew they were upset that it hadn’t been a bigger treat. All they got was to choose what we had for dinner tonight… its barbaric.

There was a soft knock on the door that brought me straight out of my thoughts and back into reality.

“Boys do you know where Ginny is, she’s not in her room” Mum kind and generous voice floated into the room, no evidence of just gotten into a battle with old Aunty Muriel.

“She’s in here” Fred and George both said at the same time now both huddled together talking in low whispers and leaving me out of their secrets. I can’t say I’m surprised; I’m always left out of secrets!

“Ginny I need to talk to you”

 

*

 

I was sitting in mum and dads room. It was very tidy and quite large in comparison to my own room. However there was no balcony and the walls were whiter than creamy colourled.

Mum came in with two teas floating behind her with her wand pointing at them. She softly put them down on the ancient side board that had many photographs of Aunt Muriel when she was younger and put a silencing charm on the door something she forgot to do before.

Next thing I know she’s sitting beside me giving me a disapproving look “Don’t think I don’t know you weren’t listening Ginivere molly Weasley, you missy get to many bad ideas from Fred and George that’s what”

I chuckled but as a awkward one because this conversation so far was creeping me out, why did she want to talk to me and not the twins as well? Was she here to yell at me for listening in?

“I want you to tell me everything. I know you’ve been getting heavy amounts of detentions at school and I want to know why? What have you been doing that’s bothered them so much and why are you doing it? And… I know this happened half a year ago but I want to know why you stole the Gryffindor sword, please tell me” Mum begged with me, I could see the desperation in her eyes and I knew even if I didn’t want to tell her I was going to, I couldn’t handle looking at my mum like this.

I took a deep breath ready to spill everything and every thought and feeling I’d had this year.

I told her at the start of the year how me, Luna and Neville started the DA up again fighting back, I told her about my first detention, I told her about our quest with the Gryffindor sword, I told her about my feelings towards Hannah when we first met and how I hated her guts but seemed to really start to catch on to her, how I felt when Luna was kidnapped, how Fred and George got me into the school to see Dumbledore to find out where Harry was, how me, Neville, Hannah and Luna would always stand up to the Carrows in lessons, how I thought that it was my fault that Ted Tonks had died and Andromeda was tortured, how I found out it wasn’t, how the first student was killed inside Hogwarts grounds, how it had been Hannah who comforted me and finally I told about how I was in love with the boy who lived or Harry in other words that is off saving the world.

She didn’t ask questions while I was talking she just stared at me, some points her eyes watered, other times she smiled but what ever happened she just stayed silent… completely.

When I’d finished telling my story off the year night had fallen and I could hear the distant snores of my old batty great aunty.

“Oh Ginny” Mum wept as soon as she’d realised I’d finished with my oh so heroic story. She grabbed onto me and hugged me softly stroking my hair “If I’d only known”

“Mum I’m ok”
She looked at me with a blazing look in her eye and she slowly nodded “You can’t fall me Ginny Weasley”

I laugh a little which puts a slight smile to her face but her eyes are still watered and about to pour… any… second… now.

“I’ve only really told Fred and George about everything” I sigh rubbing my forehead trying to relax a bit “They were the only one’s I can really open up to”

“Ginny you can tell me anything. I’m so proud of who you’ve become this year. You’re a true leader” Mum whispered the last part going into hug me again.

Hearing the words out loud was amazing, knowing that I’d finally reached the goal that I had been amazing at all year to prove to Harry that I also can lead people that I also can save people and I shouldn't be kept in the dark about it.

“But you need to understand that sometimes things are better off left for the adults” Mum assured me wiping some of the tears that had obviously pushed mum through her strong break point and fallen down onto her cheeks “I mean for god sakes you could have died! How would Harry have felt knowing that you had died, I know love when I see it Ginny and that boy is head over heels in it”

“Stop it!” I say trying not to sound annoyed at her for assuming that, if she knew what love was then how come she didn’t realise I was in love then? hmm? “Mum he doesn’t love me, he bloody broke up with me for god sakes and I understand why, its ok that he doesn’t… perhaps someday he will – so just stop”

My heartbreaking a little inside when I realise that Harry doesn’t love me back and that he probably never will, it scares me a lot sometimes just thinking about love but it frightens me even more knowing Harry might now care at all about me and will just see me as the best friends little sister who he once dated after the war is all over.

“No I won’t! Stop holding up a wall, stop pretending like you don’t care and stop pretending like you don’t feel pain Ginny. Theses are one of the few qualities that I dread about you. You’re so smart and beautiful but you refuse to believe it. Why do you hold so many walls around your self?” Mum argued with me standing up and walking around the room shaking a bit.

Thats when everything fell apart for me and I hit rock bottom... properly.

I gulped. I knew why I was; that had been very clear for a long time now. I was terrified… terrified of him, he’d ruined my life and the memories of him constently flooded my mind over and over again. He’s the reason I cannot show any weakness, the reason I can’t cry when I feel like it! Its because of him that I cannot open up to people because the last time I opened up to someone I had to be saved from it, and I refuse to be a damsel in distress ever again and that’s a promise to myself.

“because I’m scared” I burst out tensing up when mum looked at me clearly confused.
she stopped pacing and stood in front of me holding a gaze with such a force that even if I wanted to, I couldn’t turn away from her.

“Scared of what?”

“OF TOM!” I burst out realising a whole new energy that I didn’t realise I had in me. I shake my head a little not believing I’d just told my secret to my mum who was staring at me as though she didn’t even know me. I gave a great groan and sighed and in the most calmest voice I could muster continued “When it came our turn in my second year to do boggerts I couldn’t do it because I knew he’d be there and backed out of the lesson. I was ashamed of myself that I had allowed that to happen, so from then on I started blocking my feelings from everyone stopped allowing myself to feel sadness and depressed and never opened up to anyone… I’m sorry mum but…”

I ran out of the room fighting back tears that were almost ready to spill out.

The fastest that I could I legged it down the corridor and into my grand room, shut the door and locked it not feeling any need to do it with magic.

Tears after tears poured and I couldn’t think about anything other than Tom Riddle. He haunted me everywhere I turned. When I closed my eyes I saw him and he was always the last thing that whispered to me before I fell asleep.

I slid down the door that I was painfully leaning up against and hit the carpet floor that now had a little puddle of my tears stained onto it. Quickly before the whole house heard I cast a silencing charm not even caring if the ministry find me for doing magic (not that they would) and let out a scream of a cry that echoed around the room and out of the balcony that was wide open to let fresh air in.

I was trapped, trapped in my own skin and Tom’s face appearing everywhere I went. Even thinking of Harry the thought didn’t vanish or disappear… it stayed and haunted me and I just couldn’t get rid of the image.
he will always be with me and that is about the most terrifying thing that I can possibly imagine.

A/N

This is the most important chapter I feel, I always thought that Ginny was still afraid of the image of Tom ever since her first year trauma. All secrets are revealed in this chapter… or at least most of them.

Chapter dedicated to Taryn who has been following my story for a long time now and another chapter to worship the nargles who’s my most dedicated reviewer and to HarryPotterrfan101. Thanks you guys your all amazing :D

Thanks to all my faithful reviewers and readers you are all fantastic.

 

p.s. I now realise I keep saying this every time but I promise you this time I’m one chapter away from the first of may, which as you all know is when Harry breaks into Gringrotts and gets ready for the final battle   

I’d say I’m about 7 chapters away from the end because the rest of Ginny’s stay at Muriel’s nothing happens much to it flies past


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