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Delinquency by TheCarrowChild
Chapter 4: Facing Your Demons
The next day I awaken with the worst headache of my life, he’d been here one day and had already driven me to drink. This was not boding well for the rest of the two weeks. I nervously and slowly open my eyes to see if he’s still in my bed and am relieved when I find the side he’d occupied last night empty. Groggily, and nauseously I walk to my bathroom feeling like a zombie, a creature I’d only discovered whilst in the muggle world. They were obsessed with these half dead half alive monsters that fed on the flesh of humans, it was disturbing to say the least. I figured this is what it must feel like to be one, completely brainless, and unable to focus on anything.
After a quick shower to at least make me feel somewhat normal, and a heavy dose of paracetamol I head out to my kitchen. As I approach I can see Milo playing outside the doorway to my kitchen with a charmed toy. Glaring at the kitten I decide to at least get a cup of coffee before I’m bombarded by Malfoy. As I enter the kitchen I find him reading the Prophet with a cup of tea in his perfect hands and glare at him as he can’t see me. Getting my own cup I sit down across from him at my kitchen island.
“A glare isn’t very becoming Aly.” He says matter-of-factly from behind the paper, to which I scowl more. “I’m assuming you’ll need a hangover remedy, so I got one sent over it’s in your refrigerator.” Still not taking down that paper he finishes with no feeling.
Debating myself heartily over whether or not to accept the kindness I finally give in as I feel my stomach churn at the smell of my coffee and the feeling of Milo encircling my leg. Downing the concoction I instantly start to feel normal again. Resigned to a thank you I do my best to extend one, “Um, thanks.” I say looking at my black painted toenails.
“Not a problem really.” He says finally putting the paper down and folding it neatly to stuff back in his briefcase and looking straight at me and into my very soul. “Now are you ready to talk about what you said yesterday or not? Or would you rather discuss something else?” He raises his eyebrows at me and a smirk graces his perfect lips to which my heart races.
“Can I choose not to do either?” I ask hopefully but upon seeing his seriousness I realize that’s not really an option anymore. “Fine, we can talk about how horrible my life was and why I’m keen on not going back or is that not even really up for debate?” As I finish I sit back down in my seat and pick Milo up to at least have something to distract me from looking into Draco Malfoy’s slate blue eyes.
“Okay, let’s start with your brother. Have you spoken to him and told him any of this?” He asks pulling out one of those magic quills that writes as people talk, the one Rita Skeeter always had but I’ve completely forgotten now what it’s called. It’s amazing to me how much I’ve forgotten over this time spent in the muggle world. Losing myself in trying to remember things from the magical world I’m brought out by Malfoy clearing his throat and looking apprehensively at him, he’d noticed I wasn’t in the room anymore at least not mentally.
I blush at being found out and speak, “No, Alec hasn’t attempted to track me down or get ahold of me and I don’t think I would have it in me to see him again or talk to him about this. It’s easier if he hates me, then he won’t be guilty over me choosing him over mum. I’d like to at least save him that pain, so could we not publicize that part please.” The sadness in my voice catches even me off guard, I’d never realized that I was using all of this to protect other people from feeling any pain, if I held all the pain then nobody else would get hurt. I guess that was how I’d been raised and suddenly I realized I was no different from my mother, only I’d been obedient not to one man but to society, being the sole bearer of pain and heartache. My mum had always just been protecting Alec and I, but she had failed when they got ahold of me, and that’s why she wanted me to save Alec, he was the only one of us left unscathed, she’d passed the torch onto me and I’d gladly accepted.
Draco doesn’t speak for awhile giving me even more time to digest what I’d just said. Staring into the black void that is my coffee I think about how much like my soul it is, dark and mysterious and hiding many many secrets. I’m roused from my own dark thoughts by Draco’s calming voice.
“Aly, why did you stop hanging out with me?” I look up in his eyes completely caught off guard by the hurt in his voice.
“What?” I say my brain scrambling to figure out what he was really asking me, completely thrown off by this simple question.
“You were still with Blaise and Nott, but you completely avoided me like you hated me. I even tried talking to you and you’d just brush me off and go off with someone else. Did I do something to offend you? I never meant to hurt you if I did.” The honesty in his voice almost breaks me right there. I had completely written him off as soon as I’d started to feel something more than just friends with him.
I stare at the table a long time, trying to come up with a believable lie, my hands constantly fiddling with each other as I stare and can feel my heart racing uncontrollably almost making me nauseous again.
“I….um….I….just….um…” is all I can get out, I can’t come up with any kind of lie, nothing believable. I just focus on avoiding his gaze and I figure eventually I’ll come up with something. Suddenly I feel his hand take my own and a calm washes over me that I didn’t even know could still exist in me. “I didn’t want you to get hurt because of me.” I say matter-of-factly trying to ignore the feeling of my stomach going berserk at his touch.
“Why would I get hurt because of you? I was a deatheater Aly, I was at risk all on my own especially with the situation you know my family was in, I was one step away from being killed everyday as it was.” I continue to avoid his gaze that I can feel on my head, “Why did you really stop talking to me? I have authorization to use Verisaterum if I deem that you’re being unhonest but I don’t want to have to use it for this.”
Astonished at this I gape up at him, “You’d use that just to find out why I stopped talking to you in 7th year?! Seems a bit drastic Malfoy.” I glare at him across the table and take my hand from his getting up and pushing myself away from the table and leaving the room. Going to my living room I just stare out the window at the people walking by, on their way to work, on their way to the gym, on their way to anywhere that’s better than here and suddenly I wished I could just be one of them.
“Why won’t you just talk to me!? This isn’t like it’s the first time you’ve opened up to me, you were the one person I could talk to then and you know it!” he yells at me as I keep my back to him. “You’re the only person I had to talk to about the awful things I was forced to take part in because you yourself were being put in the same position. And then you just suddenly stop talking to me and avoid me like I’d done something awful to you. What had I done to you that was so awful, that you stopped talking to me Alyona?!” I turn to see him angrily running his fingers through his hair and pacing my living room.
“ You really want to know what you did to me?! Are you sure you can handle what I’m about to tell you!? BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU BLOODY IDIOT!!!” I yell back at him, finally facing him and the demons inside me.
Quickly, before I have time to react he's crossed the distance between us and his lips are pressed to mine and I realize I’ve really done it now…..