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Matchmaker by LittleWelshGirl99
Chapter 4: The Name Game
this beauty was made by SophieScarlette at TDA!
“PUT ME DOWN YOU UTTER MORON! LET ME GO, NOW!”
We had been minding our own business, trying to relax by the lake in our free period this morning, and then Fred had barged in, thrown Dom over his shoulder and engaged her in some cousin-on-cousin warfare which was involving a lot of screeching. Gah. It was pretty rare to be able to nab a spot of nice sun this late in October, and when we do, Fred chooses that exact time to carry out his threat of chucking Dom in the Black Lake. And I had been voluntarily reading a book as well, until he disturbed us all. I know right? Hollie Parker turned temporary bookworm. And okay, it might have been smut, but it still counts as voluntary reading!!
“SERIOUSLY THIS IS NOT FUNNY-“Dom’s panicked cries echoed through the grounds once again, and I lowered my sunglasses to peer at the proceedings. Dom was kicking and struggling, yanking on Fred’s hair as he attempted to get closer to the water’s edge.
“Now, now, Dommie. A bit of a bath won’t hurt ya!” Fred tutted, shooting me a wink. He looked sort of scary, with this really cheesy smile plastered over his face and popping eyes. I propped myself up on my elbows, revelling in the fact that it wasn’t me getting thrown into a lake today. I’d curled my hair this morning and everything. Oi, don’t judge me! It’s a rare occurrence for my hair to curl nicely.
As I was thinking this, Fred reached the lake and chucked Dom in as if she were a sack of mouldy potatoes. I’m sure Dom would appreciate my amazing simile. Dom’s limbs flailed attractively as she belly flopped into the cold-looking water, and after a few moments she emerged again- the hair on her bobbing head all tangled and straggly, and a murderous expression on her face. She waded back out, her clothes heavy and dragging as she wrung out her precious hair. “Frederick Remus Weasley, you are a piece of DEAD MEAT!” she roared, suddenly charging at Fred and tackling him to the ground. They rolled down the bank, Dom spitting like Pythagoras and Fred laughing, and then once again Dom ended up in the water- except she dragged Fred down with her this time. Instead of looking perturbed though, Fred just dove beneath the surface and grabbed Dom’s leg, pulling her under with a splutter. Several people were looking on now, including Savannah Woods who had a nasty habit of tattling to professors, so Eve and I decided with a brief nod that we should probably haul them apart.
“Oi! Guys, stop it!” I got off the blanket I’d been ‘studying’ on, and ventured down a little closer to the lake. Big mistake.
I heard Eve shout out a cry of warning but I didn’t hear her properly, because Fred sent a wave of water splashing over me just as someone shoved from behind. With an undignified snort, I cart wheeled into the Black Lake to join Dom and Fred for a swim with the squid. Who I was positive had only eaten that first year because he was a tragic, lonely and misunderstood soul with no love in his life. Yep.
The water was just as icy as I’d expected, and I felt my toes go numb as I sank like a stone. On impact, my body froze with shock, and I thrashed my arms around wildly in an attempt to get to oxygen again. As soon as my head broke free of the water, I drew in deep, gasping breaths and looked around for the person who’d pushed me. It was James Potter, standing by the lake with his latest-model broom over one shoulder, and laughing hysterically at the sight of the three of us in the lake. Right-
Time. To. Die.
But before I could lift my arms to drench him with freezing water, he was offering me a hand out. I raised an eyebrow, surprised. So James Potter was the sort of guy who shoved you into a lake, and then helped you out again immediately afterwards, was he? Interesting. If I was going to set him up in a perfect relationship, I needed to know as much as possible about him. And this time, I didn’t think using the gossipmongers would be as…fun.
“Come on, Hol! I’m not poisonous y’know.”
I grabbed the proffered hand, and James yanked me up onto dry land easily. I briefly considered pulling him in with us instead of allowing myself to get lifted out, but I didn’t think I’d have much success against all those Quidditch muscles. Hollie versus Quidditch muscles = not a fair match. At all. In fact, the score in a match like that would probably be 400-10. And the 10 points were awarded for effort.
So instead, I ran up to him and gave him a massive, squelchy hug- making sure to get my wet hair all over his shirt (that’s the highest it would reach anyway). James yelped and tried to shove me away, but I clung on like a limpet, laughing manically.
“My Quidditch shirt!” James complained, wrinkling his nose. “You crazy woman- it’s ruined!”
“Well my shirt’s soaked too- and probably see-through- which means every boy between here and Hogwarts will be perving on me. So I think that the least you deserve is an equally ruined shirt.” I stuck my tongue out at him.
“Oh you are so dead,” James growled, before he began to tickle me.
I am spastically ticklish. If someone even brushes against my arm, I will giggle. Once Dom tickled me for a mere ten seconds, and I was a writhing lump on the floor in less than three. And James seemed to be getting all my most ticklish places, like my left side and my neck.
“Stop it!” I gasped, trying not to snort all over him, one arm frantically trying to push his hands away. “Seri…ously!” I giggled, falling over and dragging James with me. He carried on tickling me though, until my face was bright red and my legs were waving around in the air. Everyone nearby was staring at us, most of them with jealous expressions on their faces. They so didn’t need to be jealous; this was pure hell. “James!” I begged, trying to wriggle free. He smirked.
I hate him.
Then he stopped tickling me.
…I still hate him though.
“I hate you,” I muttered, standing up with a few wobbles. “I must look worse than Filch on a bad hair day by now!”
“Nah,” James said. “You only look worse than Aragog.”
“The spider?” I asked in disbelief. “You little-“
“I was kidding!” James backed off, picking up his broom that had been abandoned on the floor.
“Latest model of broomstick, I see,” I teased. Weirdly, James seemed to take it really badly.
“I didn’t choose it,” he snapped grumpily, dropping the broom back onto the ground. There was a snap, and James’s face immediately clouded over with anxiety. He quickly bent down to inspect the broom for damage, and sighed with relief when he saw there was none.
“You alright?” I asked cautiously. James grinned and said,
“Yeah, it’s cool,” just as Dom and Fred crawled out of the water, spitting water out.
“My haaair!” Dom complained. “WHY ME?” Everyone ignored her.
I couldn’t remember the incantation for a drying spell, so I got Eve to dry my clothes and hair off for me. They floated down around me all silky and warm, and I grinned. “Thanks Eve!” I sighed, stretching, and following the girls back up to the castle for lunch. “I could murder a bacon roll.”
“I could murder Fred!” Dom exclaimed with a snort. “So immature, honestly. Being immature wastes your life!” Eve rolled her eyes,
“Honestly, as if you can lecture on immaturity. You don’t even pronounce the word right!”
“What are you talking about?” Dom scoffed. “Of course I pronounce it right- you just pronounce it wrong!” I noticed how she’d defended the insult to her pronunciation, and not to her maturity. Hah.
“Sure. If you say so,” Eve coughed blatantly into her hand.
“Don’t cough all over me, you’ll give me Annoying Disease,” Dom put one hand on her hip, and Eve narrowed her eyes.
“Shut up you two,” I sighed as we entered the Great Hall, tired of their constant spats. “Let’s just eat some lunch.” Dom huffed and sat down as far away from Eve as possible, while Eve merely shrugged and crossed her legs, pulling the pumpkin juice towards her. They forgot about their disagreement a moment later though, because James and Fred came over to sit with us, instead of sitting with their usual gang of Gryffindor mates- which was slightly perplexing.
“Hey guys,” Fred said, stretching and sliding his legs onto the bench.
“What’s up?” asked Eve, putting a bread roll onto her plate.
“The sky,” Fred promptly replied, looking very proud of his incredibly witty answer.
“Original,” Eve rolled her eyes, and I laughed.
People were staring at us.
But screw them all. James and Fred were, dare I say it, our friends now. And there was nothing wrong with sitting next to your friends at lunch time.
“Did you know,” Dom said, reading from the back of her apple juice carton, “That the surface area of the small intestine is about 250 metres squared, which is the same size as a tennis court!”
“Er, no I didn’t Dom…” I said, making ‘loopy’ signs around my ears to James.
“Gimme that,” Eve snatched the carton and scanned it quickly. “None of these are true you know! I read somewhere that it was, like, 230 metres squared not 250.”
“Oh,” Dom’s face fell. “And I thought I’d sound all clever for a day, just chucking that fact around. I should totally sue this apple juice company. What tossers.” James was grinning, looking at the back of his own juice carton.
“Did you know that the quickest time that someone has eaten a full chocolate cake in was a minute and thirty-three seconds?” he announced, impressed.
“Rubbish!” Fred shook his head. “I bet I could eat a chocolate cake quicker than that!”
“Go on then,” I grabbed a particularly large, gooey-looking one from further down the table. “Someone time him!”
“I will,” Eve said, looking at her green, muggle watch (a present from her mum). “Ladies and gentlemen, pick up your forks…” Fred arrogantly chose a large spoon. “Get set…” Fred narrowed his eyes, focused on the cake in front of him. “EAT!” He began shovelling the food into his mouth.
I felt sick after three seconds, and I wasn’t the one eating anything. Food was being sprayed everywhere, splattering the table and all our food with sticky, brown goo.
“If you do this, you will not be called Fred Weasley any longer, but Cakemongasoar Weasley!” Dom announced.
“He looks like a Cakemongasoar, doesn’t he?” James said, raising one eyebrow at his best friend and cousin who had chocolate smeared all over his face and in his hair. A small crowd had gathered around our section of the table by now, chanting Fred’s name as he gulped down slice after slice of cake.
“Fre-ed! Fre-ed! Fre-ed!” the girls squealed, while the boys just whooped.
“He’s not called Fred, he’s called Cakemongasoar!” I tutted, correcting them all. They looked confused for a moment, but then they took up the new chant cheerfully.
“Cakemongasoar! Cakemongasoar! Cakemongasoar!” Eve shook her head, a faintly amused smile playing around her lips, and muttered something like ‘waste of a cake’ before taking a neat sip from her glass of pumpkin juice.
“You should’ve been called Frogspawn Warthog Ducklington, Hollie,” Dom stuck her tongue out at me, “It suits you.”
“Actually, I think SmexiGoddess suits me better,” I pouted and posed.
“As if!” Dom scoffed. “I think you’ll find that I am the smexiest in this room.”
“Nope, sorry, I’ve already bagsied SmexiGoddess. You can have Mildred, Dom. And Eve looks like a…” I squinted, “An Alicia! Or an Adele…what do you think?
“My parents were going to call me Cordelia,” Eve admitted with a wince, “But my mum wanted a more muggle name.” Eve’s parents had split up because of the rift that crossed the muggle and magical worlds; her mum just hadn’t been able to deal with it. I felt terrible for Eve and Zoey about it, but a selfish part of me was happy that we’d got the Love-o-meter out of it.
That was a very Slytherin-like thought. Perhaps I am a Slytherin after all. Mwehehe.
“Cordelia’s an alright name,” James said. “It’s a flower, isn’t it?”
“I don’t think so…” Eve said. “She’s a Shakespearian character.”
“Shakespeare,” I said. “He’s a famous muggle writer.” Everyone gave us blank looks.
“What name would suit me?” James interrupted the silence.
“Bartholomew,” I said solemnly. “Or… Bob.” James pretended to wipe a tear from his eye,
“I feel so special that you think I’m a worthy Bob.”
“You should do, there are very few worthy Bobs in this world.”
A very loud belch interrupted us in the middle of our name game, and we glanced at Fred, who was leaning back on his chair, looking thoroughly satisfied. The cake was all gone; just a few lonely crumbs remained on its plate. Eve glanced at her watch,
“Just under two minutes!” she said. “Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Cakemongasoar Weasley, Hogwarts’ very own almost-record-breaker!” There were a few weak cheers, and Fred looked very up himself as one girl blew him a heartfelt kiss. I glanced at her critically- short, curly hair, pouty face. She’d never be right for Fred. I noticed Eve looking at the girl too, a frown on her face. Couldn’t agree more Eve m’love, couldn’t agree more.
“Oi, Frogspawn Warthog Ducklington, got any lip gloss? I left mine by the lake,” Dom nudged me.
“Sorry Mildred m’dear, I am lipglossless. Perhaps one of your friends at the next hideous skirt convention will have some century-old lipstick you can borrow.” I shrugged helplessly.
“Oh, darn!” Dom pouted. “That’s too bad since I wasn’t allowed into the last hideous skirt convention, seeing as I had a totally sexy skirt on.” Then this fifth year called Lorren Lawson fell into step with us, grinning and holding out her neon-pink lip gloss for Dom to use. Lorren was sort of amusing- she liked to act all cool and funny but everyone could see that she was just this sad little wannabe.
School hierarchies are tough, honey. You’re either at the top, or you’re just not.
Wow, how bitchy does that sound? Answer = very. I picked that line up from Dom though, so no judging allowed. Nooo judgy. Get it? Got it? Good.
“Thanks Lorren,” Dom accepted it and inspected the label. “Oh shoot, it’s Enchantex!” she glared at Eve before handing it back, “I’ve sworn to never put that muck on my face again after it made me break out in, like, fourth year.” Lorren looked crestfallen, and immediately rummaged in her fake-designer bag for a replacement gloss. She pulled out a pale red one,
“Well, I’ve got a Milady’s one too if you want.”
“Yeah, that’ll do,” Dom took it and spread some round her lips happily.
“I love your hair today, Hollie!” Lorren complimented me.
“Thanks,” I smiled. “Cute shoes.” Lorren blushed,
“They’re from Brown’s Boutique.”
“I know.” Dom had finished doing her lips, and handed back the tube of lip goo with a, “So, see you around Lorren.”
“Yeah, see you!” Lorren called, before going over to a group of fellow fifth years. We turned out of the corridor and filed into the Transfiguration classroom for our next lesson. I took my usual place in between James and Ed, uttering a quick “Hello there Bob!”,before taking out my stuff in preparation for another two hours of doodling. I am a master doodler- seriously. It’s just intricate hearts and patterns usually, but sometimes flowers or smiley faces. Come on, you can’t beat smiley faces. They. Are. Mega. I was in a really good mood this morning, so when James turned to speak to me, I beamed at him.
“Hey, Hol, I think McGonagall’s handing back those ‘Transfiguration of Inanimate Objects’ essays today- what did you put for the comparison between wand movements paragraph?” I racked my brains, hoping that I’d actually given this one in. Then I realised that it was the essay that I’d spent ages over a few weeks ago, determined to get a good mark for once. I tried to remember what I’d written for the comparison.
“Something like ‘the shorter action requires less force for an inanimate object- which is to do with the total mass- so therefore it makes sense for the wand movement for an animate object, like a ferret, to be more elaborate’,” I replied. James nodded thoughtfully as the essay landed in front of me. I stared at the blank back page for a while, before eagerly turning it over, only to drop it back down like a hot coal. A spiky red ‘D’ with ‘see me’ written next to it stained the top right corner. It seemed that even when I actually tried my best, I still failed abysmally. I felt my heart sink through the floor, and tasted the cold tang of disappointment in my mouth, suddenly extremely anxious about the looming N.E.W.T’s. I’d always put my bad grades down to lack of effort, but obviously I just wasn’t clever. Thinking back, a small miracle must have occurred for me to pass O.W.L’s. All I could do now was hope for another one when N.E.W.T’s came around. Or, you know, actually listen in class for a change.
“So, what’d you get?” James asked, craning his neck to get a glimpse of my mark.
“Doesn’t matter,” I said quietly, feeling embarrassed, and quickly shoving the paper into my bag.
The lesson passed in a blur. James and I chatted a bit, making fun of McGonagall’s animagus form, but my heart wasn’t in it. I waited behind as everyone filed out, motioning for Dom and Eve to walk on ahead. I approached McGonagall’s desk nervously.
“Ah yes, Miss Parker,” McGonagall began seriously, a few stressed lines appearing on her forehead. “Take a seat.” I pulled a chair up to the front desk, realising that the palms of my hands were all sweaty.
“You wanted to see me about my recent essay, Professor,” I said.
“Yes. I just have a few questions for you regarding your academic performance,” McGonagall pulled a sheet of paper towards her and adjusted her reading glasses. “Could you tell me, how many hours a week do you think you spend on your studies?” I bit my lip,
“I couldn’t really say…”
“Well, the expected amount for a N.E.W.T level student at Hogwarts is ten hours a week. Do you think you’re below or above this average?”
“Below, I guess,” I admitted.
“Below or above five hours?” McGonagall asked, her bright eyes searching my face for any untruths. I hung my head, my face reddening,
“Okay. And how long did you spend on this latest essay assignment?”
“About two hours!” I said a little more confidently. “I tried really hard.”
“And yet you still only achieved a D?” McGonagall shook her head with a sigh, “I’m disappointed, Miss Parker. You have potential, but you do not work. I am going to have to assign you a tutor.”
“Really?” I said, sort of relieved. I thought I would be receiving a week of detentions, at least. “Who?”
“Professor Lupin. He’ll see you every Thursday evening- starting next week. If I hear that you are giving anything less than 110% to these sessions, I shall be most unhappy. Is that understood?” I nodded hastily, and made to get up, but McGonagall added on one more thing-
“Miss Parker, I know that having a boyfriend might seem like the most important thing in the world right now, but you really need to think about your future.”
“Yes Professor,” I said, and then I got the hell out of there.
Dom and Eve were fencing with the fire pokers when I arrived back in the common room. They paused to grin at me, before continuing with their fight. I collapsed onto a sofa, feeling a little down in the dumps, and pulled out a textbook ready to do some work before dinner.
“What did McGonagall want, Frogspawn Warthog Ducklington?” asked Dom.
“She’s assigning me a tutor,” I admitted.
“Oooh! Who?” asked Dom, putting down her fire poker, out of breath. Eve jabbed her quickly in the stomach and she squealed, leaping back and falling on top of me.
“Oof! You fatty!” I shoved her off. “Teddy’s going to be the tutor, so that’s not too bad. Least it’s not McGonagall herself!” We all started giggling a bit- we were in the middle of trying to convince Ted to propose to Victoire, Dom’s older sister. We had a massive scheme set up for the Christmas holidays.
“See if you can get him talking about Vic to you, and spew out a load of romantic mush about what a perfect couple they are blah, blah, blah,” Eve said, sitting down cross-legged by the fire
“Okay,” I agreed, staring into the bright flames. People always seemed surprised to hear that we Slytherins had a large fire in our common room. Obviously they thought we were cold-hearted bitches who didn’t need any warmth in their evil lives. Suddenly, the hot coals shifted and morphed into a familiar-looking face. It was Zoey, Eve’s older sister, genius extraordinaire. I jumped up and ran over to the fire, Eve was beaming at Zoey and Dom looked confused for a moment, but then realised what was going on. Zoey winked,
“Hey kiddos! How are you lot then?”
“Zoeeyyy!” Eve shrieked, air hugging the fire, which earned her a few odd looks. “We’re all superdooper.”
“That’s good,” Zoey smiled. “SO girlies, what’s the latest juicy Hogwarts gossip? Any cute boys that I’ve had yet to hear about? How’s the potion going?”
“Ssh!” Eve muttered, glancing around. “It’s a secret remember?”
“Oh yeah,” Zoey rolled her eyes. “What’s your code name for it again? Something stupidly long and weird that includes ‘Eve’ and ‘brain’ in the same sentence, which should basically be illegal?” Eve scowled and raised her fire poker threateningly. “Just kidding little sis, just kidding,” Zoey laughed her tinkling laugh.
“What are you calling for anyway?” asked Eve. “Don’t you have work and stuff?”
“What, so I need an excuse to check up on my favourite sister?” Zoey said playfully.
“I’m your only sister! And come on, don’t give me that. I know you want something.” Zoey stuck her tongue out at Eve,
“Ok, well I was wondering if you had any old textbooks that I can use for my educational psychology project at the ministry. Preferably ones you’ve doodled all over.”
“Hollie’s the doodler,” Eve smirked. “I’ll send some old ones of hers over.”
“Yeah, take them, I beg you,” I smiled.
“Thanks guys, you’re stars.”
“Well you’re a pile of frogspawn,” Eve said.
“Says the dragon dung.”
“Says the ugly nerd!”
“Says the single cat lady.”
“Says the equally single cat lady!”
“Says the flobberworm lover.”
“I know you are but what am I?” Zoey shook her head in amusement,
“Well, it was cool to see you all. I’ll write soon Evey!” Zoey blew Eve a kiss, before disappearing. Eve caught the kiss with her hands and put it on her head.
Sometimes I really wished that I had siblings.
The three of us were huddled together on my bed. Dom was painting her nails a neon orange, Eve had a book on her lap, and I was sprawled across my pillow idly. We could hear Savannah and Rachael bitching about people in the beds next to us, but their words were muffled by the thick, green curtains.
“You have peeling feet, Dom,” Eve remarked, flicking Dom’s big toe. Dom leant over her long, perfectly tanned legs to inspect her feet.
“Shit, you’re right!” she groaned. “It’s my new platforms. They make my feet all sweaty and gross.” I pulled a face, picking at the chipped varnish on my own toenails.
“Repaint my toes, would you, Dom?” I begged her, as she was sure not to smudge the paint all the way up my ankle like Eve had done once. Dom nodded happily, reaching for a bottle of ‘Purple Panic!’. I shoved a foot onto her lap and collapsed back on the pillows, my hair splayed out all around me. Eve turned over a page of her book.
“What do you think of James and Fred?” I suddenly asked, as Dom started on my little toe.
“What do you mean?” She had her tongue out in concentration.
“Well…don’t you think it’s a little odd- them suddenly hanging out with us so much?”
“Depends on how you look at it,” Dom replied. “They’re both my cousins, so while it’s weird that they suddenly want to act all pally in school, it’s not as if I find their company weird.” Dom finished my right foot, and moved over to start on the left one.
“I know what Hollie means though,” Eve chipped in. “We barely speak to them for, what? 6 years? And now – POW! – we’re all friends.”
“It is pretty nice though,” I admitted. “I like having someone other than you lot to mess around with.” I got a pillow thrown in my face.
“It’s just happening so fast,” Eve continued. “I hardly know them, and at the same time I feel like I’ve known them forever.”
“I do know that we have to get James into a proper relationship,” I said firmly. “He’s actually such a romantic!”
“Oh?” Dom raised an eyebrow. “And how would you know?”
“Just some stuff he was telling me while we were in the rafters yesterday,” I shrugged.
“Oh yeah,” Dom screwed the lid back onto her nail varnish bottle. “Was it just me, or did Rose and Scorpius seem to actually be getting along last night?”
“They’re definitely getting better,” I nodded. “And the fact that Rose even forgot about Trisha in the broom cupboard for a while shows that she must’ve been distracted by Scorpius.” But, I mean, who wouldn’t be?
Eve stretched and yawned, “I’m in the mood for a film tonight. Hol? Got anything?”
“Of course,” I winked and slid off the bed, rummaging in the cupboard for a moment before bringing out my portable, muggle DVD player that had been adapted in a way that I can recharge it’s batteries with a simple spell. I pulled out my all-time favourite movie, ‘The Titanic’ shortly behind it. “Anyone feeling up for a few twanged heartstrings?” I giggled, setting it all up on the bed. We snuggled in amongst the pillows and fluffy blankets, and began to watch as the opening credits rolled up the screen. I even forgot about that dreaded ‘D’ staining the pages of my transfiguration essay for a while, caught up in the spellbinding story of Jack and Rose (who were actually quite similar to Scorpius and Rose, now that I thought about it).
Disclaimer- nothing belongs to moi.
a/n: ~Hello everyone, and hello to a plotty chapter (at last)! Sorry this wasn’t a particularly quick update- life’s been busy. But anyway, excuses aside, what did you think of this chapter? I’m not entirely happy with it to be honest, but hopefully it gives you a better insight into the characters’ minds. I’m sorry if people hate Hollie’s attitude towards Lorren etc, but it’s a part of her personality that I wanted to show. Also, I got Dom’s random lunch time quote from the back of an innocent smoothie carton, which I was drinking while writing that part of the story :D. A few lines from the film Mean Girls were adapted, so I don’t own them either. Please leave a review if you have a spare moment, I’d really appreciate it. Thanks for all the support so far- 31 favourites after only 3 chapters? I’m blown away! Plus YAY I finally have a banner- thanks Marzipan