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Check it Out by ohmymerlin

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Format: Song fic
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 1,346
Status: COMPLETED

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Contains profanity, Slash (same-sex pairing)

Genres: Humor
Characters: McGonagall, Lupin, James, Lily, Sirius, Pettigrew, OtherCanon
Pairings: James/Lily

First Published: 06/28/2012
Last Chapter: 12/03/2012
Last Updated: 12/03/2012

Summary:
banner by mixer @ tda


Sirius Black is sexy and he knows it!


Chapter 1: Check it Out
[View Online]

Yeah, yeah
When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly
I pimp to the beat, walking on the street in my new lafreak, yeah
This is how I roll, animal print, pants outta control,
It's Redfoo with the big afro
And like Bruce Leroy I got the glow


I walked out of the Gryffindor common room with my head held high. Girls were whispering and shooting me suggestive looks so I winked at them.

What?

I’m a good-looking bloke; I may as well give them some hope.

“Padfoot! What on earth are you wearing?” Moony asked me incredulously.

“Zebra-print trousers,” I responded simply. “You coming to breakfast?”

“Yes I am. But why are you wearing strange trousers and no shirt?” he still looked confused. I don’t know why he would be, I look just as good as I usually do.

“Why can’t I?” I asked, looking down at my attire. “They’re comfy.”

He rolled his eyes but started walking with me anyway. We turned the corner and heard a squeak. “Wait up!”

Wormy was running towards us, stumbling over his robes.

“Hey, Pete,” Moony smiled at him. “I tried waking you up but you didn’t get up.”

Wormy flushed and said, “Thanks Re- Padfoot did you perm your hair?”

“Yes I did, Wormy. Thank you for noticing,” I grinned at him.

“Er… excuse me for wondering… but why?”

I shrugged, “Needed a change. I thought I could rock the MJ look.” I winked at a passing Slytherin fifth year who blushed and ran off.

He squinted at me and leaned closer to my cheek. I looked at him strangely and he asked confusedly, “Are you wearing make-up?”

“Yes I am. It gives my skin a natural shine!” I said cheerfully.

Moony and Wormtail shot each other horrified looks but before they could say anything, I walked off whistling and putting my hands in my zebra-print trousers.

Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out
Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out

“Oh my gosh!” A fellow seventh year Gryffindor came up to me, I don’t remember her name but I think I may have snogged her a couple of times.

Hey, if girls are going to throw themselves at me, I’m not really going to object am I?

I looked at her and she whispered, “Your body! It’s amazing!”

I smirked. This was too easy. “I know,” I said smugly.

Those sit-ups in the morning weren't for nothing!

When I walk in the spot (yeah), this is what I see (ok)
Everybody stops and they staring at me
I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it


I entered the Great Hall and everyone swiveled around to gawp at me. The seventh year (her name may have been Sarah or Susannah?) beamed and her friends squealed excitedly.

“Shelby! Come over here!” Aha! I knew there was an ‘S’ in there!

“Sirius,” Shelby batted her eyelashes at me. “Can we sit with my friends?”

I noticed Prongs and Evans were close by so I grinned, “Sure thing.”

I sat right next to Prongs and Shelby had to sit opposite me. She looked put-out but I ignored her.

“Want some cereal?” Prongs asked, completely blasé about my attire.

“Sure,” I shrugged and Evans turned her freakishly green eyes at me.

“Sirius,” she laughed. “Why are you wearing trousers meant for muggle women?”

Prongs snorted and spat orange juice everywhere. Shelby looked revolted but Lily laughed and waved her wand to clear the mess.

Great girl, that Lily.

“I have dedication for these pants, dear Lillian. And they are very comfortable.”

I'm sexy and I know it

Lily and James both rolled their eyes and I sniffed like a pretentious old lady.

“You guys are just jealous that I’m attractive and I am well aware of this fact, and you aren’t but you think you are.”

“I don’t think I’m attractive,” Lily said with an amused expression.

“But I do,” James winked at her and I watched in amusement how her face turned into a tomato.

Yeah
When I'm at the mall, security just can't fight them off
And when I'm at the beach, I'm in a Speedo trying to tan my cheeks (what)
This is how I roll, come on ladies it's time to go
We headed to the bar, baby don't be nervous
No shoes, no shirt, and I still get serviced (watch)

“SIRIUS!” My Hufflepuff stalker ran towards me and I didn’t react. Moony put a restraining spell on her so she could leave me alone. It usually always worked but today it didn’t.

She jumped on my back and I slammed head first into the cereal Prongs just gave me.

Damn. I was looking forward to that.

“Howdy do, Monica?” James snorted again but this time he wasn’t drinking juice. Thank God.

“You're so dark! I’ve never seen you looking so dark!” she said breathlessly.

“I go out to the Black Lake and tan in my underwear, to get it everywhere,” I winked at her and she blushed.

“It’s true, he tried to tan naked but ol’ Minnie caught him,” James supplied and Lily was laughing so hard she started clapping her hands like a seal.

How odd.

“Sirius,” Shelby interjected loudly. “Should we get going?” she asked in a very suggestive manner.

I winked at her and Monica tightened her grip on me (she was still perched on my back like a bloody koala). “Sirius wouldn’t leave me!”

Shelby narrowed her eyes but I said, “We can go together to the Gryffindor common room.” Lily pretended to vomit on her plate but neither girls noticed.

“Ladies, shall we go?” I asked, standing up with Monica still slung around me.

Monica asked from behind me, “But won’t we get caught? I’m not allowed in the Gryffindor common room.”

I smirked and said, “Don’t worry. Minnie loves me, she won’t care.”

Lily snorted this time but refrained from saying anything.

Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out
Ah... Girl look at that body
I work out


When I walk in the spot (yeah), this is what I see (ok)
Everybody stops and they staring at me
I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it


I'm sexy and I know it

As the three of us were walking out of the Great Hall (Monica finally jumped off my back), I heard girls sighing about how attractive I am.

And that gay Ravenclaw.

Check it out
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah, yeah
Do the wiggle man
I do the wiggle man
Yeah
I'm sexy and I know it


“Mister Black!” Minnie’s voice called out.

“Minnie! Long time no see!” I cried out happily.

She pursed her lips into a thin line. “Why are you not wearing the school uniform?”

I paused and noticed Shelby and Monica snuck off when she was distracted. “Because…” I stayed quiet for a few minutes to increase the suspense.

“Yes?” Minnie asked me, her lips as sharp as a knife.

“Because I thought the whole of Hogwarts should see how attractive I am!” I started thrusting my hips and Minnie’s nostrils started flaring.

“Detention, Mister Black!” she cried out.

I stopped thrusting. “Minnie, if you wanted some alone time together, you could have just asked,” I winked at her and said, “Eight o’clock Saturday? It’s a date.”

I then thrusted my way out of the Great Hall with Minnie calling after me.

I'm sexy and I know it!


disclaimer: everything in italics are owned by LMFAO's Sexy and I Know It
everything else you recognise is J.K. Rowlings!

so.. what did you guys think? This is what happens when you're meant to be studying for bio ;)

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