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If Wishes Were Fishes by Looney Loopy Laura

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Format: Novel
Chapters: 39
Word Count: 180,219
Status: COMPLETED

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong Language, Strong Violence, Scenes of a Mild Sexual Nature, Substance Use or Abuse

Genres: Humor, Romance, Action/Adventure
Characters: Lupin, Sirius, Lily, James, Pettigrew
Pairings: James/Lily, James/OC, Lily/OC, Sirius/OC

First Published: 02/07/2011
Last Chapter: 08/16/2013
Last Updated: 08/16/2013

Summary:





When Lily Evans discovers an abandoned wishing well in the Forbidden Forest, 6th year at Hogwarts is about to get a lot more interesting. Lily and her two best friends struggle to keep The Well a secret from the rest of the school while they unravel its mysteries, but with the Marauders determined to find out what the girls are hiding, nobody’s secrets are safe for too long...

Lily/James with a bit of a twist


Chapter 38: The Nicest Thing
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Disclaimer: Not JKR. Womp-womp

                               

Chapter 38

(Lily's POV)

It was dark. Very dark.

I was floating. Though I couldn’t see anything, I knew I was not on the ground. A gentle breeze blew all around me and I strained my eyes to see into the darkness.

There was nothing. Nothing but me, floating helplessly through it. Why wasn’t there anything here?

But just as the thought crossed my mind, two dim stars twinkled to life above me. At least I thought they were stars… they were coming closer and closer until I could have reached a hand up and touched them.

But they didn’t look like stars anymore. More like… planets — large brown planets swirling with yellow and green and orange. I had studied astronomy for a few years now and I had never seen planets like these before.

“Lily?” A quiet voice echoed through the darkness and I whipped my head around though I was unable to locate the source. When I looked back, the planets were gone.

I felt my suspension lessen; almost as if I were being lowered to the ground and I desperately wanted the company of those planets again. They were comforting… where had they gone?

“Lily?” the voice echoed again, closer this time. But before I could search for the place the voice had come from I felt my body hit the ground with an unexpected force, knocking the wind from me.

I opened my eyes and the darkness was gone, but the planets were back. I could make out the shapes of trees above me and I was vaguely aware that I was back on the ground. My limbs felt heavy and I wasn’t sure I could move them, though I didn’t bother trying. I was still trying to catch my breath from the fall.

“Lily?” A voice said again and I realized groggily that I wasn’t staring at planets at all, but a pair of eyes… a pair of warm, hazel eyes behind black-rimmed glasses.

“James,” I muttered and below his eyes I saw his tense mouth break into a relieved smile.

“Yeah, it’s me,” James said quietly. “Are you alright?”

Alright? Was I alright? Why wouldn’t I be…

And then it came back to me, all of it, and I sat up with a jolt feeling instantly nauseous and dizzy.

“Woah, hold on,” strong hands gripped my shoulders and forced me back down. “You need to stay still a moment.”

“But… you… and—and you!” I shrieked, my brain kicking into full panic mode as my strength returned to me and I was able to scoot backwards away from James until my back collided with something solid. The Well.

“That was not me,” James said fiercely, his eyes flashing.

"Yes it was,” I shook my head, my memories still hazy though something tugged at the corner of my brain. “I think….”

“That thing… a boggart,” James said, his mouth twisting angrily around the word, “Is gone.”

“Gone?” I repeated uncertainly, staring at the edge of the forest where I had first seen it. “A boggart?”

James nodded gravely, his eyes watching me carefully for any kind of reaction as he settled himself onto the ground in front of me.

As he did so, more bits of what previously had happened swirled in front of my vision hazily. James (the real one?) jumping out into the clearing, that other James disappearing with a crack, a pair of legs, broken and bent… and then nothing.

“Gone,” James assured me leaning forward slightly and drawing my attention away from the woods with his intense gaze. “Are you sure you’re ok? You look really pale…”

“I’m always pale,” I muttered, and I thought I saw a hint of a smile on James’s lips but it was gone before I could be sure.  I stared around the clearing, my brain full of thoughts that didn’t make any sense.

“What is this thing by the way?” James asked, nodding towards the Well behind me.

“What?” I asked groggily, my mind still groping to remember what had happened.

“This well thing… what is it?” James asked again, eyeing the Well warily.

“It’s just that… a well,” I muttered vaguely. “I mean, it’s not just a well. It’s a wishing well. You know what? Just ask Sirius. He’ll tell you everything. I don’t even care who knows anymore.”

“Sirius knows about this?” James frowned and I could tell this fact upset him slightly. “He’s never mentioned it…”

“I asked him not to,” I shrugged, hoping James didn’t keep pressing the subject.

“But—“

“James,” I said warningly, and his question died on his tongue.

“Right, ask Sirius,” James trailed off, his eyes still on the Well.

I sighed, leaning my head back against the Well and the cool stone felt good against my skin.

"A boggart….” I muttered, voicing what my mind was still grappling with.

James nodded, tearing his eyes hesitantly away from the Well. 

“But I don’t understand,” I shook my head, ignoring the throbbing that accompanied the action. My memories of what had just taken place were hazy, like trying to look through a dirty piece of glass. “You were talking to me… and then, there were two of you. I—“

“You weren’t talking to me,” James said seriously, his eyes locking with him as if he wanted to make absolutely certain that I understood that. “After Sirius lost you in the woods he ran into me and we came looking for you. When I found you… well, you were already talking to… to it.”

“So…” I said slowly, my mind racing through the conversation I’d had and felt my stomach clench unpleasantly. “Everything you—it­—said… that wasn’t real?”

“Well, it was real,” James frowned slightly, as though something about that really upset him. “It just wasn’t actually me saying it… it was just, you know… the thing you fear the most.”

“Right,” I said, dropping my eyes from his gaze, feeling immensely embarrassed (and slightly sick) as realization washed over me.

James and I fell into silence for a few moments and a multitude of thoughts filled my head. It hadn’t been real… James hadn’t said those things to me. It was just exactly what it had seemed like, a nightmare. The thing I feared the most… and James had witnessed it.

Oh god, how humiliating.

“Listen,” James said after a few moments of silence. “What that thing said… about you not being what he expected and… being a know-it-all and… was that—?”

“Everything Alex said to me when he broke up with me, yeah,” I finished for him, staring determinately at my hands. I knew he was dwelling on one particular bit of that conversation and I wasn’t too keen to discuss it, but I knew he wouldn’t be able to let it go now that he finally knew.

“So… he, erm… he—“ James stuttered around the question and I mentally rolled my eyes.

“Shagged another girl,” I finished again for him, looking up to meet his eyes. “Yeah, that’s my big, dark secret. What I never wanted to tell you. He slept with another girl. He cheated on me.”

I felt the hysterics coming on and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop them. It wasn’t particularly because James now knew that Alex had cheated on me, it wasn’t even really because of the list anymore. It was everything put together; the party, the boggart… Alex just happened to be the easiest of those to freak out about at the moment. And it felt almost good to let it out.

“Because I was too smart, and too intense, and…. And not pretty enough, apparently,” I choked on the words, hoping James caught the parallel to his damn list. James just stared at me with wide eyes as I continued. “And so he wanted something different. And he found her because she was there and she was interested.”

I felt tears spring to my eyes as I repeated his words.

“Who?” James interrupted curiously in a small voice.

“Does it matter?” I shrugged heavily, the tears that had been building up in my eyes finally spilling over. “He wanted her because she wasn’t me. Do you know how that feels? To have someone say they want the complete opposite of you? Why couldn’t he just like me? What was so wrong with the way I was?”

“There’s nothing wrong with the way you are,” James said forcefully, scooting closer to me and reaching a hand out to brush away my tears, but I pushed his hand away.

“You’re not any better,” I scoffed. “With that damn list.”

“Lily, let me just—“

“I don’t want your explanations,” I cut him off, pushing myself off the ground. He followed after me and moved in front of me, blocking my path up to the castle.

“Will you just listen to me?” James said angrily and his tone caught me off guard. “You need to hear what I have to say.”

“I don’t—“

“You do,” James cut me off, his voice seeping with frustration. “Because all this week I’ve been laying in my bed thinking about that damn list and you know what? Who gives a shit?”

“Excuse me?” I huffed, narrowing my eyes dangerously at him.

“It was a stupid mistake. And you know that,” James said vehemently. “You know I wouldn’t intentionally hurt you, but you’re so busy looking for reasons not to be with me and not to trust me, because you’re scared. And I get that, I really do. You’ve been hurt before and so have I. Knowing now what I know about Alex, it makes even more sense. But you’re so busy being scared and angry at me that you’re completely ignoring the obvious.”

“What obvious?” I scoffed, crossing my arms as I stared at him.

“That there’s something… something between us,” James said, his voice instantly losing the angry edge and I swallowed hard, keeping my eyes trained on him. “I knew it the moment you turned your nose up at me first year that something would eventually happen between us. We balance each other out, Lily. Perfectly. And I think if you gave this a chance, it really could be something brilliant.”

I stared at him, trying to sift through his words, struggling to find something I could argue with.

“Don’t you get it?” James said fiercely, his hazel eyes burning with intensity. “We… we work. And despite the fact that you’re completely mad, despite the fact that you may hate me right now, despite all those faults I put on that list… or actually, because of all those faults, you’ve got me falling for you over and over again.” James continued, keeping me locked in his intense gaze.  “Yeah, you’re a know-it-all, but you know what? I love that you can spew off a hundred facts about the Goblin rebellion of 1612, and I love that you make up anagrams to remember all of their names. I love that you think making up those anagrams is fun, too. I love that when you get into your study-mode you don’t even notice when a third year across the common room gets clobbered in the face with a fanged frisbee. I love that you tug on your hair when you get nervous or uncomfortable and that you doodle in the corners of your potions book when your potion finishes before everyone else’s. I love that you hum to yourself when you think no one’s listening and you’re almost always off-key. You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen and I love that you have absolutely no idea that being different is one of the best things about you…”

James trailed off and remained silent for a few moments as I stared blankly at him, trying to make any sense of that admittedly well-crafted bought of word-vomit.

“I think… I think I could really love you, if you let me,” James said after a moment when I still couldn’t form a coherent sentence. “And I think you could love me too or else me saying all of those wretched things to you before wouldn’t have been your biggest fear.”

I felt my mouth drop open slightly at that rather bold assumption and snapped it shut quickly. Stupid Potter. He may have a point, but that doesn’t mean anything.

His ability to flip his words around still doesn’t excuse the fact that he wrote them down as cons. Maybe I was being stubborn, but you know what? I’m stubborn. It’s one of my many faults. So he’ll just have to get used to that one too.

“Well?” James sighed when I remained quiet and staring at the ground. “Don’t you have anything to say?”

“Look,” I said finally, glancing up to meet his expectant gaze. “Those were all really… nice things you said.”

Nice things?” James repeated incredulously, his face crumpling in confusion. I knew I was being horrible and I wanted to kick myself for it. But since when did I ever react properly under pressure?

“That’s not what I meant—I mean, it is. Truthfully, that’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” I frowned, realizing that if this were any other time I’d have melted into a hopelessly romantic puddle on the floor. But as it were… “I just… it’s not that simple, you know? It’s all a lot to take in. I understand what you’re saying, I do. But, I just had the thing I’ve been having nightmares about for the past year happen in real life. And then… you… and it’s all just a lot. And I can’t think properly right now.”

“You can’t… think?” James frowned, his eyes hardening slightly. “It’s pretty simple, I’d say. Either you forgive me or you don’t.

“It’s not that simple, though,” I cried, yanking my hands through my hair and taking a step away from him. “James you and I kissed while you were still with Celia. Knowing what you know now, how on earth do you think that makes me feel? It’s wretched, knowing that I’m the reason you broke up with her. And I know,” I amended quickly because James had opened his mouth angrily to argue, “A kiss is nowhere near as bad as a shag. But it doesn’t exactly weigh too easily on my conscience either way.”

“You’re not the only one who feels bad about that, you know,” James bit in reply and his voice had assumed a hard edge of defense.

“I’m not saying you don’t,” I sighed in exasperation. “I’m just saying… it’s complicated. I need… time.”

“Time for what?” James huffed, growing irritated with my stalling. I couldn’t blame him.

“Time to think, James,” I burst, my voice breaking slightly. All of the night’s events were crashing down on me and this was not the time for James to be asking for my forgiveness. “All of this… everything that’s happened. It’s just becoming too difficult to see clearly through. So much has happened and it just keeps getting more and more complicated.”

“It’s not complicated, Lily,” James insisted, shaking his head. “You know how I feel and you know how you feel. You’re right, a lot has happened. So wouldn’t it be stupid to give it all up now? After everything we’ve been through?”

James,” I cried exasperatedly. “Just stop. Please.”

“Why?” James asked roughly, and I could tell he knew he was fighting a losing battle. I was making no decisions tonight.

“Because I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” I replied. I took a few breaths as I thought over my next words. “I think… I think it would be best if maybe we didn’t talk for a bit. I have things I need to sort out and you… maybe you do, too.”

“Not talk for a bit?” James repeated, shaking his head like he didn’t understand.

“So I can think,” I said quietly.

James’s jaw clenched slightly at my words and I knew he wasn’t happy with them. Giving me time to think was dangerous, but all I wanted was time to sort out what I was really upset about and whether or not I could forgive him.

“How much time?” James asked after a moment, his eyes cast downwards in a defeated manner.

“I don’t know,” I admitted and James nodded as if he expected the answer.

“Well,” James said in a detached voice as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Let me know when you figure it out, Evans.”

I winced slightly at the use of my surname, but just nodded as James strode off towards the castle without so much as a backwards glance at me.

I knew that I’d really upset him with my refusal to really talk to him, but I wasn’t lying when I’d said that too much had happened. I was overwhelmed. And I needed time to sort through my thoughts for some kind of sense.

I let out a heavy sigh and lifted my face towards the sky. The stars were no longer visible and I saw a streak of lighting flash across the sky, followed closely by the pitter-patter of raindrops beginning to fall in the forest.

I sighed again, hugging my arms tightly around myself and making my way back to the castle as the sky opened up, letting the rain pour down.

How appropriate.

*                                  *                                  *                                  *

Rain lashed against the tower windows, making me shiver under the covers. Through the small gap in the curtains I could see that the sky was dark and cloudy, making it impossible to tell the time. It could have been dinner time for all I knew. Not that it mattered – I had no interest in leaving my bed today. I didn’t want to see anybody…not after last night.

I heard the door to the dormitory open and two sets of footsteps enter. I wiped a stray tear from my face, glad I was hidden behind the heavy curtains of my four-poster bead.

“—Really hope they have something good for dinner tonight, this hangover’s killing me,” I heard Scarlet’s voice.

“Shhh, I think she’s still sleeping,” Anna whispered in a soft voice.

“Its almost four. Shouldn’t we wake her? When did she even get back last night? I didn’t see her at all after the party got busted,” Scarlet said quietly and I heard her rummaging around in her trunk.

“Really, Scar? Do you even remember last night? You were completely plastered. Lumos,” Anna giggled quietly and a dim light appeared through the curtains.   “I hope something else didn’t happen. She’s already been through enough,” she added, a note of worry edging into her voice.

“Is she really still that upset about it?” Scarlet whispered, her own wand illuminating her silhouette against my curtains. “Seems to me like her distancing herself from him is more of a… self-preservation thing.”

“Of course she’s upset, Scar. Wouldn’t you be? Think of how betrayed she must feel. She thought she could finally trust him and then she finds that list,” Anna said sadly.

There was silence for a moment and I listened to Scarlet and Anna pulling some books out of their trunks.

“I hope she’ll be ok,” Anna sighed eventually.

“Of course she’ll be ok,” Scarlet said sounding surprised. “She recovered from Alex didn’t she? And what he did was way worse if you ask me.”

I swallowed hard, pulling the covers tightly around my ears. I didn’t want to listen to this… I concentrated very hard on the rain droplets running down the window pane. They looked like tears…

Anna’s trunk slammed shut suddenly and I heard her curse under her breath.

 “We should wake her up though. I think she still has to finish her essay for Slughorn,” Scarlet muttered, the light from her wand bobbing towards my bed.

“I finished it last week,” I called from my bed, making Anna let out a surprised gasp.

“Lily! You’re awake!” Anna pulled back the curtains at the foot of my bed and I saw hers and Scarlet’s faces appear. 

“Where did you go last night?” Scarlet asked, brushing her dark hair out of her face.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Anna said hastily, shooting Scarlet a dark look.

I sat up, pulling the curtains open around my bed.

“I just kind of wandered around the forest a bit until I was sure the coast was clear,” I said, blinking against the bright light of Anna wand, and hoping my friends couldn’t tell I was lying.

“Thank Godric,” Anna said, resting her head against the bedpost. “We thought something else might have happened with… you know.”

“Er…well,” I muttered, climbing out of my bed.

“Something did happen then? Go on, tell us!” Scarlet followed me to my trunk where I pulled out some robes.

“For Merlin’s sake Scar, let the girl get dressed,” Anna tugged on Scarlet’s sleeve, pulling her away and allowing me to dress in peace. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Anna added again, looking at me carefully.

“I’ll tell you at dinner, ok?” I said, running a comb through my tangled red hair. “I think I’m going to go for a walk.”

“Are you sure?” Scarlet asked and was quickly elbowed in the ribs by Anna. “Will you stop that? I’m not prying. I’m just asking if she’d like company.”

I couldn’t help but smile at my friends, but I needed more time on my own to think things through. I told them I’d meet them at dinner and walked quickly down through the common room.

My stomach clenched when I saw Remus Lupin studying by the fire but I quickly noticed he was alone and the tension in my chest eased.

He looked up as I walked quickly by, ducking my head.

Please don’t let him talk to me! I thought desperately as I sped towards the door.

“Lily, wait!” I heard him call as I quickly climbed through the portrait hole. Damn!

“Lily, please wait,” Remus said, jogging slightly to keep up with my quick pace. “Come on, slow down. James kind of told us what happened last night. I know you’re still upset… but please just listen!”

“Why on earth would I still be upset about that?” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes at him.

“Lily, please just listen. Come on, you know it wasn’t just him that wrote that list, we all contributed. You can’t just keep blaming him,” Remus panted, clutching a stitch in his side.

I stopped abruptly and rounded on him. “You lot keep saying that. That you all wrote it. Because to me that means not only does James think those things, but you all do as well. D’you honestly thing that makes me feel any better?”

“Er…well, no I guess not,” Remus muttered. He was starting to look ill again and I idly wondered if there was a full moon soon. It had been so cloudy lately I hadn’t noticed.

“Look, I just… I need some time, Remus,” I said in a calmer voice. “I’m not sure I even care about the list anymore to be honest, I have a few other bigger things on my mind. I’m not mad at you… not really.”

Remus nodded and gave me a small smile before turning and heading back to the common room.

I turned to continue toward the front doors and nearly jumped out of my skin when I found someone standing right behind me.

“Aaagh!” I shrieked, jumping back a step and pulling out my wand instinctively. “Black, what the hell are you doing? Make a noise or something. Merlin, I almost hexed you.”

“Hi, Evans,” Sirius smiled, falling into step beside me as I resumed my quick pace. “I need to talk to you.”

“No,” I said, starting to get irritated. “No more talking.”

“James told me what happened last night,” Sirius said matter-of-factly and I scowled.

“Godric, do you keep anything to yourselves?” I growled irritably.

“No,” Sirius shrugged like the answer was obvious.  “You can’t stay mad at him forever, you know.”

“Watch me,” I muttered darkly, turning a corner sharply but Sirius stayed glued to my side.

“You’ll have to forgive him eventually,” Sirius continued.

“Says who?”

“Says me,” Sirius said stubbornly. “You were never meant to see that list.”

“But I did,” I hissed angrily. “I saw it. Now will you please leave me alone or am I going to have to actually hex you?”

“Yes, Lily, you saw the list. But you only saw your list. I think it’s important that you know what was on Celia’s list,” Sirius continued, ignoring my threat.

“I don’t want to know what was on her list. Isn’t one list bad enough?” I practically screamed at him. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Now will you please just leave me the hell alone?!”

I pulled my wand out from my robes pointing it at Sirius with a shaking hand.

Sirius stared defiantly at me for a moment, daring me to hex him, and then shrugged.

“Fine,” he said, defeated. He shoved his hands in his pockets, turned on his heel and stalked away. “But you’re being an idiot if you ask me,” he called over his shoulder just before he turned the corner.

I let out a deep, aggravated sigh and pocketed my wand.  I hadn’t even noticed that we’d arrived at the front doors. I pulled one of the heavy oak doors open and slipped outside.

A blast of cold wind made me hug my cloak tightly around myself. The rain had let up slightly but a light drizzle still swirled around me as I walked across the wet grass.

I wandered around the grounds aimlessly, glad for some peace and quiet, although that left me only with me thoughts. My conversations with Remus and Sirius were still running through my head as I walked.

How was I supposed to forgive him after this? I couldn’t just pretend like I’d never seen the list… But then everything he had said last night…

What was I really upset about, after all? I couldn’t exactly blame him for thinking those things. They were mostly true, after all. Was I mad that he wrote them down? Used them against me? Was I mad at myself for kissing him when I knew he had a girlfriend? Mad that after all these years I’d finally fallen for him?

I stopped in my tracks and pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes. I was mad for all of those reasons, so how was I supposed to go about forgiving them?

I couldn’t exactly deny that I had strong feelings for Potter… but wasn’t love supposed to be easy? Weren’t all of those famous love stories about how it was destiny that they should be together? That all of the elements would come together for them?

This didn’t feel like destiny. And it definitely wasn’t easy… Although I guess Romeo and Juliet had their fair share of issues to deal with but they just snuffed it in the end so that probably wasn’t a very good example.

I groaned out loud, turning on my heel and heading back towards the castle through the drizzling rain. I didn’t even care that I was soaking wet and miserably cold. It fit my mood.

I slipped back inside the castle and headed towards the Great Hall where students were gathering for dinner. Ignoring the several odd looks at my disheveled appearance, I took a seat across from Scarlet and Anna at the Gryffindor table and stared miserably at my plate. I snuck a glance down the table and saw three of the four Marauders eating in silence. Guess which one was missing? Go ahead… guess.

I swallowed guiltily and turned back to my plate.

“God, Lily, you look horrible,” Scarlet said conversationally as she helped herself to the potatoes.

“For Merlin’s sake Scarlet, that wish isn’t even still in effect. Can you not just say whatever pops into your head? You are so tactless,” Anna shook her head, turning to me. “Need a drying spell? You look pretty cold…”

I gave a small nod and Anna flicked her wand, a stream of hot air issuing from the end and engulfing me. After a moment, I was completely dry.

“Do you want to talk about it now?” Anna asked carefully, grabbing my plate from me and piling food onto it. “You really should eat, you’ve been asleep all day.”

“Thank you, mother,” I rolled my eyes half-heartedly, and Scarlet frowned at my feeble attempt at sarcasm.

“Seriously, Lils,” Scarlet put down her fork, a crease forming between her blue eyes. “What happened?”

I sighed, glancing around to make sure no one else was listening in and then dove into the story of what happened after the party last night. Scarlet and Anna listened patiently without interrupting for once, wincing and widening their eyes at the appropriate moments. When I finished speaking, I realized with another guilty twinge just how much of a git I’d been to James last night… he had gotten rid of that boggart for me.

Anna and Scarlet were quiet for a moment, exchanging a long look with each other.

“Lily…” Scarlet said, looking back to me and using her “you-are-so-out-of-sorts” voice.

“Scar, save it,” I flashed her an angry look, in no mood for another lecture.

“No,” Scarlet said shaking her head. “I’m sorry… but I think you’re being an idiot. What on earth do you need time for?”

I glared at her for a moment. “I need time to think. I said that about a million times. Why does no one understand that?”

“Yeah, but Lily,” Anna said softly and though she didn’t say so, I could tell she agreed with Scarlet. “Why do you need time? You like James don’t you?”

“I did,” I muttered and then shook my head. “I do. I do like him.”

“So what’s there to think about?” Anna frowned.

“I guess it was just… unsettling, hearing the boggart James saying all those things,” I sighed, resting my chin on my hands and staring gloomily at my plate of untouched food. “I mean, I thought it was actually him. I didn’t—I didn’t like it.”

“I’d be worried if you did,” Scarlet snickered and Anna elbowed her.

“I just mean, hearing James say those things was… it was ten times worse than when Alex actually said them,” I muttered. “And then thinking about the list… who’s to say that one day James won’t actually say those things to me?”

“Because this is James we’re talking about, Lily,” Scarlet said forcefully. “You know he wouldn’t. The list was a stupid mistake. He wouldn’t have written it if Sirius hadn’t made that wish.”

“Eurgh, I know,” I groaned, burying my head in my hands. “but he did write it and I can’t get it out of my head and that’s why I need time.”

“But you’ll forgive him eventually?” Anna asked uncertainly, narrowing her brown eyes at me.

“Of course she will,” Scarlet answered for me like it was obvious. “She has to.”

“Oh, you’re so sure,” I scoffed, irritated that Scarlet seemed to have decided everything for me.

“Lily,” Scarlet said leaning forward on her elbows and staring at me intently. “If you don’t forgive James… if you don’t realize that this—what’s happened— is just a bump in the road, a tiny mistake… then I’m sorry, but you don’t deserve him.”

“Excuse me?” I huffed, lifting my head off my hands and staring at her in shock. I knew Scarlet was blunt, but this was… unexpected.

“Look,” Scarlet said, softening her voice slightly. “The list was stupid. Those boys are complete berks for doing it . But you know what? They were right.”

“They were what?!” I nearly shrieked and Anna looked beside herself, wanting to smack Scarlet upside the head.

“They were right,” Scarlet repeated unapologetically. “You are a bossy, know-it-all who cares way too much about school.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I snapped, blinking at her incredulously.

“My point is James likes you anyways,” Scarlet shook her head impatiently. “He doesn’t give a shit about any of it. He sees past all of your faults because yes, Lily Evans, you have faults. And so does he and if you can’t accept that or move past it then no, you don’t deserve him.”

Scarlet fell silent at that, nodding resolutely to herself as she turned her attention back to her food. Anna stared at her with her eyebrows slightly raised and slowly looked over to me.

I clenched my teeth together, irritated at Scarlet’s bluntness but knowing, deep down that everything she’d said was completely true. And it only gave me one more thing to consider.

So what if I had feelings for James Potter? So what if I looked past all this and forgave him? Did I even deserve him?




A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry this chapter took a few weeks to get up! This was actually the first part of the story I'd ever written (almost 2 years ago? woah.) but it needed a lot of editing as the story has changed quite a bit. Anyways here it is!

So I'm in the midst of working on the next chapter and I know I said there would be 2 more, but in the interest of not dragging things out even longer I'm considering just smushing it all together for one giant super-chapter. Thoughts? Questions? Concerns?

I'd love to hear what you thought of this chapter! Leave a review :)


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