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Blossoming by ohmymerlin

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Format: Novella
Chapters: 7
Word Count: 30,344

Rating: 15+
Warnings: Contains profanity, Scenes of a mild sexual nature, Substance abuse

Genres: Fluff, Humor, Romance
Characters: Bill, Molly, Fleur, Albus, Rose, Scorpius, Teddy, Victoire, OC, OtherCanon
Pairings: Other Pairing, Arthur/Molly, Bill/Fleur, Teddy/Victoire

First Published: 05/04/2012
Last Chapter: 02/13/2013
Last Updated: 02/13/2013

banner by heartplague @ tda

When a gorgeous guy comes up to talk to you, most girls would flirt shamelessly and leave home with him. Me? I pretended to be French. 
And you know what the worst part was?
He spoke French back.

The sequel, Surprises in Spring, is now up!

Chapter 3: three
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I woke up the next morning by someone knocking on the door. I checked my clock and it said it was eleven past ten. I rolled out of my bed and cracked my back, yawning as I did so.

The knocking became more urgent; I yelled groggily, "Hold your hippogriffs! I'm coming!" I started walking towards the door and smiled goofily to myself when I saw Miss Mouse.

When I finally opened the door, Ellie was bouncing excitedly. "You have got to tell me every single detail! Who was that delicious piece of arse you spent all night talking to? I wanted to climb that like a tree! Merlin's pants he was gorgeous!" she said all this in one breath.

"Woah, hold on Ells, I just woke up."

"Tell me every detail!" she let herself in and sat at the table. I rolled my eyes and shut the door.

"Bee! You need to spill on last night!"

I grabbed an apple. "Nothing happened," I told her honestly.

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah and I'm a flobberworm. Spill!"

I sighed and told her the whole story. "... and so we agreed not to chase after each other but let the universe decide whether or not our lives should be entwined," I finished the apple and threw the core out.

Ellie gaped at me for a bit and then slapped me on the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?!" I cried indignantly, rubbing my arm.

"You idiot! Some guy basically threw himself at you and you want to let the universe decide?! That is the most stupidest plan I have ever heard! Merlin, Bee," she shook her head at me, "If you were smarter, you would have so woken up next to him. And guys like that don't come often! Should've taken the opportunity while you had it!"

"Ellie, I don't know, I had a really great time, but I don't want to ruin that by ending up dating him, having a horrible break-up, going through all that extra drama and end up hating him! If the universe really wants us to be together, we will be together."

"Who said you'd break up? You never know unless you try, Bee."

I rolled my eyes, "Did my description of him not give you that answer? A guy like that wouldn't want a girl like me. A lame ex-Hufflepuff with ridiculously red hair, a big nose, who is way too tall and an extra freckly face. Perfect people like Louis don't go for that, they go for big boobs, tan skin, skinny, blonde hair, blue eyes-"

"Well you have the blue eyes!" Ellie put in.

"I guess I do, but that's one attribute. The point is guys like Louis wouldn't go for me. I'm the awkward family friend."

She sighed, "Bee, you put way too much negative auras on yourself. When you start surrounding yourself with positive auras, you'll feel yourself become more positive and then guys like Louis will go for you."

"Just let it go, Ellie. I lost my chance and now I guess I'm paying the price," I sighed.

"No! We can do this! We can find him!" Ellie told me sternly.

"Ells, I'll be fine. Anyway I need to concentrate on becoming an Auror, after that we can work out my love life."

Ellie looked at me worriedly, "But Bee, you've been so down lately, I just want to make you feel better."

I smiled at her, "Ellie, you just being you makes me feel better. But I'm fine though. You don't need to worry."

"But you're my best friend Bee-bee! I can't just let you be sad!"

"I'm not sad, I'm just tired. I've just been working so much."

"Get some leave then?" she suggested.

I shook my head, "I can't. If I don't keep this job, I won't be able to pay for Auror training."

"You know you could always borr-"

"No," I told her sternly, "No, I'm not borrowing money off you. It will be over in a few months anyway."

"Worth a try," she shrugged.

I smiled at her and she continued, "Well, go have a shower and we can go shopping?" She grinned excitedly and I beamed back at her.

There was nothing like my best friend.




When I got back to my apartment, my phone buzzed. I checked it and read a text from my boss to see if I could come in because Lindsay is sick.

Stupid Lindsay.

She's not sick she just has a party to go to. I heard her talking about it last week. I texted McBitchyFace back to ask the time and she told me someone else was already covering the shift but next Tuesday they'll need someone again because apparently Jo is going on holiday.

I sighed and texted her back saying I could work Tuesday.

Just a few more months and I'll be able to quit. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

Well, in my case it's just keep working, working, working...

You know what; maybe I should find details about Louis.

I had a great time with him, and who knows? Ellie may actually be right for once.


I made a pact with myself. I'm not going to break it!

But it would be so easy to find him, just go to Gringotts and ask for him.


You know you want to.

No. I don't. I will wait for the universe to do its thing. I mean, we got on so great together, who's to say that we won't meet up again?

That is a load of hippogriff dung and you know it.

Shut up brain-that-sounds-eerily-like-Ellie.

I bet she's using Legilimency on me!

That's the worst lie I've ever heard. Puh-lease.

I have reached new levels of low.




I repressed the urge to kick her, it was my day off and I was working. If I didn't need this job so badly, I would tell her where to shove it.

Instead I nodded, "Sure."

I glanced over at table four and saw a group of about fifty people. I groaned, it had been a ridiculously busy day. I mean, it's Tuesday, what's so special about Tuesday?

I walked out to table four and repeated the words I had said about three thousand times today, "Hi, my name is Phoebe and I'll be your waitress for today."

"Pheebs?" I looked up and saw Louis staring at me.

"Louis?" I asked.

He grinned, "I guess the universe couldn't keep us apart, eh?"

I blinked and said faintly, "Yeah..."

I glanced at the table and saw a lot of red-haired people staring at me. Fleur Weasley broke the silence, "Louis, who is this?"

A black haired boy chimed in, "She said her name was Phoebe, Tante Fleur."

She rolled her eyes, "I know that, James, I was just wondering how Louis knew her."

I glanced at the boy and realised it was James Potter. The guy who was constantly in the media because of his 'wild ways'. Not my words, but seriously, I think the whole wizarding world has seen every single body part of him because he constantly runs around starkers.

I don't know how he's so er... comfortable with that. I mean, I think every person who's worked with magazines, would have seen him naked.


Louis said, "Oh, I met Phoebe last Thursday, we went to a theme park together."

I nodded and one of the red haired girls asked, "Oh, are you the one that spoke French to him?"

"Er... yeah..." I blushed.

She glared at me, "Why did you speak French to him, thought you were better than him, did you?"

My mouth dropped open. "N-no!" I glanced around the table and saw them narrowing their eyes at me, "I do-don't know why, I just panicked I guess."

Louis frowned, "Shut up, Rose. No one cares about your opinion."

"Oi!" The blonde guy sitting next to her stood up and glared at Louis.

He rolled his eyes and turned back to me, "Ignore them, they're evil Slytherins."

Another black haired boy piped up, "Hey! I'm not evil, am I?"

Louis rolled his eyes again, "No, Al, you're extra special. You're too nice; you should have been in Hufflepuff."

Al made a face, "Ew. No, Slytherin is way better than Hufflepuff."

I was just about to defend my old house when a new red head stood up, "Oi! I was in Hufflepuff, you know!"

"Me too!" I chimed in.

"Aww yeah," she held a fist out, "Bump it sister." I pressed my fist against hers tentatively and a new red head rolled her eyes.

"Lucy, sit down. You're scaring her off with your creepiness."

"Shush Molly, just because you were in Ravenclaw."

A lady with very bushy hair, whom I recognised to be Hermione Weasley, "Okay, let's not get off topic now. Maybe we should order?"

They all nodded enthusiastically and one very dark boy (who looked very familiar but I couldn't place my finger on it) asked, "So- what was your name again?"


"So, Phoebe did you and Louis... you know..." he finished with a smirk.

If I had been drinking something I would have spat it all out. Instead I just gaped at him, which I'm sure was ever so attractive and glanced at Louis, who had gone a light pink.

"Fred, shut the hell up. I'm sorry, Pheebs. My family is insane," he ignored all the protests and stood up, "We'll go somewhere more private."

Ignoring the wolf whistles he took me over to the less busy side of the restaurant.

I looked up at him, waiting for him to say something.

"OkaysomaybeIcheatedandlookedforyouI'msorryifyoudon'twanttospeaktomeIunderstandbutpleasegivemeachance," he took a deep breath and looked at me.

"Er... what?" I asked, confused.

He was beet red and looked down at his feet and mumbled something.

"Louis, please tell me, I can't hear you?" I leaned forward and he sighed.

"Erm... I may have cheated... and I looked you up through Auror thingys with Uncle Harry, he was a bit concerned but I told him that I had just forgotten your address and I made up a whole story about how I left my work stuff at your apartment but I didn't insinuate anything I swear! I just said we were old friends who caught up and I was going to turn up at your apartment but then I realised that would be beyond creepy and so I looked at where you worked and for Roxy's birthday I suggested we go here and I specifically asked for you to be the waitress and now that I'm saying it out loud I realise it is the creepiest thing I've ever done, so I understand if you don't ever want to speak to me again because I was so creepy and so weird and please say something because I might explode if you don't," he was bright red and I could feel a smile forming on my face.

"Okay, you're not wrong, that was the creepiest thing I've ever heard but it was also the sweetest."

He looked embarrassed but he smiled bashfully.


I rolled my eyes and someone from the table yelled over.


I laughed, "Family a lot of work?"

He nodded, "You have no idea. Anyway, I'll swing round tomorrow?"

I shook my head, "I can't sorry. I have to go to Auror training."

"Thursday- wait, no that's not good. I'm working. Er... what about Saturday?"

I thought about it. "Saturday works for me. Where will we be going?"

He shrugged, "Dunno yet. Maybe we'll find somewhere like we did on Thursday," he grinned at me, "Now maybe we should get back and I can order you around?"

"Don't anger the people that handle your food," I warned.

"Ooh, I'm scared now," he rolled his eyes good naturedly.

I shook my head and headed back to the table where his insane family were.

"Took you long enough!" yet another redhead cried out.

"Sorry, Dom I didn't mean to take so long," Louis apologised.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, so you have a date soon, big whoop," she rolled her eyes and I felt myself going red.

"Ooh, I like this one, she's actually concerned about how people perceive her," a strawberry blonde girl said.

"Vic, maybe you shouldn't embarrass him, or her for that matter either," a blue haired guy (this family is very diverse in hair colours) said. "Teddy Lupin, this is my wife Victoire and our two kids, Remus and Dora," he held out his hand and I awkwardly shook it. This led to everyone else introducing themselves too.

"Lily Potter, soon to be Badrick," she said proudly, flashing her ring at me. I smiled at her and what I'm presuming; her fiancé shook my hand introducing his name to be David.

"Look, I'm not going to let you go through all of this, I'll just point at people and say their names, that alright?" Louis asked me.

I shrugged and he nodded. "Okay, so that's Lily, David, Hugo, Chloe, Aunt Hermione, Uncle Ron, Uncle Harry, Aunt Ginny, Mum, Dad, Uncle Charlie, Uncle George, Aunt Angelina, Granddad Arthur, Nana Molly, Aunt Audrey, Uncle Percy, Molly, Lucy, Angela, Al, Rose, Scorpius, Dom, Roxy, Fred, James and Teddy and Victoire."

I don't remember any of the names but I nodded anyway and said, "Nice to meet you all."

"Just to clarify, only the red heads are related to us, plus James, Al and Fred. My sisters are Dom and Victoire and the rest are cousins," Louis told me.


Their family is huge.

I mean, I've heard the Weasley family is huge but this is enormous. I can't remember half of them already!

I smiled at them and said, "Maybe I should finally take your order now?"

"YES!" about a hundred voices cried out at the same time. Everyone started saying their orders and I just stared at them.

"Erm, can we go one at a time? I can't write that fast!"

They nodded and turned to a tan girl with red (what other colour) hair. "Okay, so I'll have the baked massaman snapper."

I nodded and wrote it down. I then turned to the next person, who was on the left of the first girl. It seemed like they had a system already prepared.

"Yeah, we have a kind of routine we use whenever we go out. So whoever the dinner or whatever it is, is dedicated to, we let them order first and then we go to the left of that person. It's pure torture being on the right of the person," Louis told me.

I grinned, "Seems to be working then," I turned to the next person and they ordered. And the next. And kept going.

Sweet baby crups, there was so many of them. When it came to their grandfather he couldn't hear me and nearly the whole table was shouting at him to tell me his order.


"What's that George, I can't hear you," he put a hand to his ear and leant forward.

"EAT, DAD, EAT! WHAT DO YOU WANT?" George (I'm guessing), pointed to the menu and then back at me.

"Oh, if you wanted me to order, you should have just said!" he didn't notice (or hear) the exasperated huffs everyone gave him. "I'll have fish and chips," he said kindly.

"Er... there's many types, do you know which one you want?"

He didn't answer me but instead twiddled his thumbs. I don't think he was being rude; it's just that he was very deaf.

Their grandmother shook her head, "I keep telling him to go to the healer's but he insists on putting that muggle nonsense in his ears. He'll just have the fried fish and chips, dear." She smiled gently at me and ordered her own food.

When I was finally finished, I gave my hand a shake. It was so cramped up!

I smiled at all of them and left to go back to the kitchen. "Guys, we have a HUGE order right now, it has about thirty people! You're going to need more than one chef for this!"

I sighed, Gary wasn't in today. He point blank refuses to come in on Tuesdays, I don't know why, but he just does. And as much as I like the other chefs, I can't fangirl with them.

Richard (or Dick as Gary and I call him) came up to peer at the order.

"Oh my flipping Godric of Gryffindor! Guys we have start on this order right now!" he clapped his hands, "Alright, nearly all the other food is done, can we leave you to it, Cat?" Cat saluted and flicked her wand at the different pans, "Okay, you, you and you, do the fish dishes, you and you, meat and me and you, Aria, we do the chicken. Clear?" They all nodded and set off to work.

"Wow, Phoebe, is this a party or something?" Aria asked me, ignoring Di-Richard.

I shook my head, "Nope, it's only a family gathering."

"What family is this large?!" she exclaimed.

"The Weasley and Potter family," I told her with a grin.

"Wait, you mean to tell me, that Fred is here?"

"I completely forgot about that! But yes, yes he is here! I knew I recognised him! Maybe you could go see him?" I suggested.

She laughed, "And what? Him enthusiastically jumping up and snogging the daylights out of me? In front of work and his family?"

"Hey, it didn't stop you before," I pointed out.

"We were in the kitchen though, it's not like customers saw," she defended.

I grinned at her, "How come he didn't mention anything to me?"

"Oh, he has a horrible memory, he knows I work as a chef, but he never remembers the restaurant name. Once I found little notes all over his apartment with the name written on it. He did it so he could remember. Still didn't work," she laughed.

"Ah, maybe I can tell him after he's finished to pay you a visit?" I winked at her and she blushed.

"Oi! This is not a time for idle chit-chat! Get back to work Aria!" Di-Richard snapped.

She rolled her eyes and said, "I've already started cooking, I can't speed that up any faster!"

He huffed, "Still. No more chit-chat. Shouldn't you be going back, Phoebe?"

I shrugged, "Maybe but since I just took an order for thirty people, I'm giving myself a break."

"You don't give yourself breaks, Phoebe!" Richard exclaimed.

"No, that's my job," a cold voice came from the back of me.

I turned around slowly and saw McBitchyFace sneering at me. "I need you to get to table twelve."

"Come on, McOwens, let me have a little break, this was meant to be my day off!"

"Not my problem," she shrugged. Actually it is!

I let out a sigh and said, "Fine."

Honestly, I didn't need this job. I could go back to living with my parents. Wait no, because then Mum would worry obsessively over me and that's just one less stress I'd like to have in life.

I went out to table twelve and thankfully, that was only a couple who knew what they wanted to order straight away and I could get back into the kitchen, without being disturbed.

"Oi! I got all of table number four's orders! Take them out while they're still hot!" Richard yelled at me.

I was about a millimetre away from being pushed over the edge and if he wasn't careful, I'd do something insane.

I waved my wand over them and floated them out, high above anyone's heads so they didn't knock them over. When I got to the table, I charmed them to go so each dish would go to the right person. A big chorus of thank you's came my way and I smiled at them.

"That's a nifty charm, how did you do that?" Hermione, do I call her Mrs Weasley? Meh, point is Hermione asked me a question.

"Oh, it's a spell most waitresses know, although I think our restaurant is the only one that really uses it. I don't know how it works but all I know is I say, or think," I added, "Rectam Ordinem, and each dish goes to the person who ordered it."

"Wow! That's so interesting!" Was she serious, or was she just trying to make me feel better or something.

Ron Weasley looked up, one of my bosses actually, "Hermione, I think you're frightening her, she actually does find this interesting, if you're wondering, so don't be worried by her," he smiled at me. "You look awfully familiar, you wouldn't happen to work in the Auror department, would you?"

"Actually I do, I'm one of the trainees at the moment, I think you've taught my sector before," I told him.

"Ah, thought so, very rare to have such red hair when you're not a Weasley."

I chuckled slightly and Louis asked, "Where do you get your red hair from?"

"I get it from my mum; I think she went to school with you? Susan Bones?" I looked at Harry, Ron and Hermione whose eyes all flashed with recognition.

"Yes, I remember her! I haven't seen her in such a long time!" Hermione said.

Harry nodded, "How is she doing? I know she had a few problems with the war."

"She's fine, I guess... She ended up becoming a Healer at St. Mungos and mostly focuses on the curse ward," I said.

"Oh we should definitely catch up with her! She was quite a good friend of mine because we ended up finishing school together," Hermione told me.

I just nodded because I really didn't know what to say.

"Hermione, you're probably making her uncomfortable, stop putting her on the spot," Ron said.

"Oh, I'm not putting you on the spot, am I, dear?" she asked me.

I shook my head and she looked at Ron, "You should know never to argue with me, Ron, I always win."

Ron winked and everyone laughed. Louis said, "Maybe we should let Phoebe get back to her job?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I completely forgot!" Hermione apologised.

"It's fine, really. It's not a problem at all," I insisted.

"Well, I'll let you get going then, I'm so sorry! Tell your mum that we need to meet up again!"

I nodded and Louis asked, "When does your shift end?"


He ignored that and stared at me. "Er... about six," I said with a grimace.

"Six! That's still like, six hours away! When did you start?" Louis was so shocked, it was kind of cute.

"Er... nine?" Some of the others whistled lowly.

"Wow, that's a long shift," Fred (I recognised him this time!) said.

"No way can you work for that long! As if you don't get tired!"

I shrugged, "It's my job, I have to do it."

"Can you get out of it?" he asked.

"I'll ask, but it's a strong likelihood that she'll say no," I said sadly.

Louis looked annoyed and for some reason I remembered about Aria and Fred.

"Oh and Fred, Aria is in the kitchen cooking, so if you want to go see her after, she said you could," I smiled at him and he beamed up at me.

"Oh, thanks so much for telling me! I always forget the name of the restaurant!"

"Yeah, she said, but anyways, I'll let you guys eat," I smiled at them and walked off.

I heard him ask, "Wait, what is the name of this restaurant again?"

I laughed and went back to the kitchens. "Is table twelve's order ready yet?"

"Yes! Just finished now, great timing!" Aria grinned at me.

I smiled back at her. "Fred was excited to hear that you were working, he said he would drop in after."

She beamed, "Thanks, Bee."

I winked at her and took out the two orders. They smiled at me and I walked to a different table.

I saw McBitchyFace, and I looked over to where Louis was sitting. Maybe I can try...

"Um, McOwens, would I be able to ask you a favour?"

She glared at me, "What do you want?"

"Well, I was wondering, if I could leave a bit earlier than usual, like maybe two?" I suggested.

She narrowed her eyes, "Why do you need to leave so early?"

"I had plans and since I came here on my day off, I was hoping you'd let me leave earlier."

"Well, no. You can't. Look at how busy this place is!" she made a sweeping gesture and I refrained from rolling my eyes.

"But I'm an extra, you really don't need me working here today," I urged, "Please?"


"Come on! I've done so much work already, give me a break!" I pleaded. Her eyes went out of focus for a fraction of a second, but then it was over so quickly, I may have imagined it.

"If there aren't any tables within twenty minutes, I might consider it."

I blinked. What? She was actually being civil to me? Thank you, Merlin!

I grinned at her, "Thank you so much!"

She shrugged. "I guess I have been making you work for a long time... Actually, you know what? You can leave after your two tables pay you," she smiled at me and my mouth literally dropped open.

"Wow, thank you so much!"

I walked back into the kitchen and did a happy dance.

"She said I could leave early!" I said in response to Aria's strange look.

"Lucky! She's never done that before!"

"I know! I must be her favourite," I snorted. I couldn't keep a straight face for that.

I waited a few more minutes in the kitchen and decided to go wait outside so I could try and leave as early as possible.

I noticed the couple had finished eating so I walked up to them with the bill. They happily paid and left.

One down, one (well about thirty) to go.

I walked over to the table and smiled, "Has everyone finished?"

They all nodded and Louis asked, "So what did she say?"

I grinned, "She said I could leave as soon as everyone has paid."

Immediately Louis reached into his pockets and slammed the money on the table. He was so cute.

His mum (I'm guessing because he looks so much like her) smiled knowingly at him. She pulled out some money and said, "Okay everyone, why don't we all pay now because I think Louis is very eager to leave."

The whole table laughed and Louis went bright red. "Mum," he whispered, appalled.

She waved her hand and a man with long red hair clapped him on the back. "It's okay, Lou, we're only teasing."

Louis mumbled something and everyone started piling their money in the middle of the table. I conjured a jar up and let the money go in there, there was no way I'd be able to carry that.

After the jar said it had the correct amount of money, I walked back to the kitchen and gave the jar to McOwens.

"Here's all the money, would I be able to leave now?"

She nodded, wide-eyed looking at the jar. It was filled to the brim.

I grinned at her and waved at all the others. When I walked outside, only Louis was waiting.

"Hello," I beamed up at him.

He grinned back at me and I said, "I should thank you, you convinced me to ask to leave early."

"Yeah, about that," he said slowly, my face fell. "Ikindamaybeconfundedherbecauseshewasevilandyoulookedlikeyouneededabreak." He looked at me nervously, as if waiting for an explosion.

"Huh?" I'm so eloquent.

"You're going to make me say it again?" I nodded. "I confunded her..."

He closed his eyes and raised his hands slightly in defence. I stared at him and then flung my arms around his body.

"Thank you so much!" His eyes sprung open and he hugged me back.

"So, you aren't mad?" I shook my head and grinned.

"Nope, I was so close to having a stroke, so thank you so much!"

He grinned and said, "Well, I have a place I want to take you, but you might need to change your clothes and bring a bathing suit."

"We're going swimming?"

"Maybe we are, maybe we aren't. It's just a precaution," he smirked at me.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand to apparate out of there.

When we landed in the living room, Louis brushed himself off and said, "I don't want to sound too creepy, but I could have apparated here by myself."

"That is super creepy. Are you sure you're not a deranged psycho that just got out of Azkaban?"

"I was so close to getting you to trust me," he sighed and dramatically plopped onto the couch.

I laughed and went in my room to get changed. I grabbed some boardies and an old top that I wasn't too fond of. If it was going to get ruined, I was more than happy to use it.

I walked back out and said, "Okay, so where are headed to?"

"It's a surprise," Louis grinned.

"Did you have all of this already planned out?" I asked curiously.

"Nope," he winked at me, "My mates and I were going to do it today, but then they all had other plans, and we paid for it already. So I thought I'd get some use of it."

"Not bad, Mr Weasley. So where do we go from here then?"

He grinned even wider. "I'm going to have to put this blindfold on you for it to work. Is that okay?"

"You know, I don't know if you;ve heard about it, there this fine line between creepy and romantic and you've stepped so far away from that line it only looks like a dot to you," I said.

"So it's okay for me to blindfold you?"

"As long as you don't try any funny business."

"I promise I won't. I'll have to apparate you to a place and I'll tell you the details later."

I nodded and let him blindfold me. I better not regret this.

Hi guys! Sorry about the long wait, I've had so much schoolwork lately! It's absolutely insane! Half year is never fun :s Anyways, hopefully the next chapter will be soon (but I'm not making any promises, sorry)

anywho, just leave your thoughts in the box below :D personally, I quite like the chapter, and if you agree, tell me :D if you don't, tell me so I can improve next time :D

Happy summer to the northern hemisphere people, us southern hemisphereans are freezing our backsides off! D:

disclaimer: I don't own any of the following:
'I wanted to climb that like a tree' comes from the amazing Bridesmaids -it's all Apatow Productions and Paul Feig's stuff
'Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming' is from the great Finding Nemo by Pixar Animation Studios
and everything else is J.K. Rowling :D