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Chapter 2: Pineapples, Potions, and crazy hobos
asdfghjkl look at this beautiful CI by my love Em <3 (Emccentric @ TDA)
She even managed to fit a pineapple in the background :'D meta ily *flops*
“ROSE WEASLEY. IF YOU DO NOT FUCKING CLOSE THOSE BLINDS I WILL MURDER YOU WITH A FUCKING SKREWT BUTTOCK” I screamed, throwing my pillow randomly from where it was sitting on my face. A garbled shout told me it had hit Ashly. “Sorrryyy Ashly!” I half mumbled half sang (how does that even work?), while Rose marched over to me.
“WE HAVE CLASS IN TEN MINUTES ANDY. GETTT UPP!” She panicked. Did I mention Rose is a complete perfectionist and nerd? One minute late to a class and she’ll completely flip and start moaning like Myrtle and try and tear all her hair out. That is why I jumped immediately out of bed and sprinted into the bathroom, where I slipped and landed in the bathtub. I’m also extremely un-co on the ground. Yep. Andy Jones everyone, the clumsiest girl in the entire world of clumsy girls.
“ARRRRGHHH! THAT BLOODY HURT!”
“Hurry up; we still have to get out our books and everything! It’s our first day back at school, I don’t wanna be late!” she wailed, starting to hyperventilate
Yes and getting a book will take how long? An hour? Two? More like thirty seconds. Harrumph. But a crazy Rose is a hyperventilating Rose, and a hyperventilating Rose is a Rose to avoid. So I grabbed Brittany’s brush and tugged it though my wavy hair. I dashed back and dived for my bed, searching underneath it for my books. Yep, first day back and my room’s a mess.
I pulled on my school robes, dancing across the room like a parading Indian whilst trying to get the bloody- oomph- black –argh! Ashly that was my foot! - Hogwarts- OKAY ROSE I'M COMING! - School robes, over –aahhhhh- my head. It was a complicated process, as you can see.
“OKAY, ROSE, I'M DONE, LETS GO NOW!” I celebrated my record time of getting ready, and Rose and I sprinted down the staircase into the common room. Ahh how I missed Hogwarts- the warm blazing fires in the middle of the day, and soft, squishy red armchairs that were scattered around our common room. Rose pushed me out of my doting daydream, and we skidded along the corridor to potions.
I collided into someone hard and tall as I flew down the dungeons. I cried out as I fell to the ground, but the boy caught me before I could hit the stone ground hard.
“Are you okay?” Holy mother of fucks. It was Albus.
“EFEEEH? Oh, erm, yea I’m okay” I squeaked. He grinned at me.
“Why is it always you that falls over or gets hurt?”
“Oh, uhm, well, you see, I have this thing where I’m extremely un-coordinated on the ground. I flail like a flobberworm when I lose balance, which doesn’t really help, so uhm, yea, that’s how I fall over…?” I trailed off, blushing like a tomato (0.34 seconds remember?)
“Err, okay” Al smiled uncertainly, and pulled me off the ground. “You have potions with the Ravenclaws right?” I nodded.
“Cool. Uhm…well so do I, but I guess I’ll see you at lunch then” I nodded again. Such an expressive action.
“Bye then” he nodded at me. I’m thinking that half our conversation was made up of nods.
“Yea, see you” I smiled. HA! NOT A NOD.
“Settle down” came the extremely boring voice of Professor Slughorn. Mum told me he taught for one year when she was still here at Hogwarts (Katie Bell anyone?) and my dad didn’t tell me anything about Hogwarts, because he went to school at Durmstrang (Kale Jones). Apparently the old guy decided to stay at Hogwarts, where his supply of crystallised pineapples came from. I heard that was the main reason. I didn’t really believe them, there was surely another reason for Horace Slughorn to be still teaching? I shrugged it out of my mind as the professor bobbled his way to the desk. Okay, he might have stayed for the pineapple.
“Take out your quills please. We’ll begin with copying some notes down from the board” he boomed, while Rose immediately took out her eagle-feathered quill. I rummaged around in my bag. Ah shoot, where I put my- AHA! I found the sneaky little bugger. My favourite white fluffy quill had been slammed against my defence books. I quickly got it out and turned a new leaf of parchment.
*The correct use of dried millipedes and how use them in brewing Amortentia* EW. A millipede. Anything with legs, I hate. Especially cockroaches. Two weeks ago during the summer, there was a massive cockroach outside my bathroom, and I stamped on it, screamed and flew about the house like a crazy hobo. I left the cockroach there and avoided the bathroom for a whole day I went outside to do my business. Boy did my sister Iris get a shock when something crunched under her foot when she flipped on the bathroom light. I swear my eardrums busted that day. Yep, true fact. I also hate leeches; they scare the heebedabajeebies out of me. Everyone tells me they’re like mozzies, but what mozzie sits all fat and squishy on your shoe, and then SLITHERS INSIDE? Fuark.
*Dried millipedes serve a purpose of adding acidity to the potion which enhances the mother of pearl sheen of smoke which rises from the cauldron if brewed correctly*. Have I mentioned that I absolutely hate pearls? Pearl is a weird colour. It seems so…motherly. In fact, I hate lots of things. Chocolate, Cheese, Cakes, Cockroaches, Chicken (why are these all starting with ‘C’?) I also dislike people who Albus Potter dates. I’m a jealous kind of girl, but I don’t show it. And Albus Potter has had his fair share of girls. All have ended up on my ‘Andy’s list of people to kill’. None are dead yet, but whatever. THEY’RE ON THE LIST.
*The specific instructions on dried millipedes in the recipe of Amortentia must be followed correctly, including the size the millipede is cut* Wow, Albus has an extremely nice neck. (What did I say about me staring at Albus during potions? It’s become my favourite hobby.)
Slughorn announced that we would be brewing Amortentia, so I scooted into the stock room to get some ingredients from the cupboard, while Rose and Scorpius set up the cauldron.
“Hey Andy, how much Lizard leg do we need?” I jumped, and zipped around to find Albus Potter scanning the shelves of ingredients.
“Oh, I didn’t see you there. Uhm, I’m pretty sure we need five Lizard legs” I replied, trying to keep myself from hyperventilating. HIS GODDAMN GREEN EYES SHOULD NOT BE FUCKING ALLOWED TO BE VIEWED BY A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL. WAHHHHHH!
“Thanks” he smiled, grabbing the jar and pulling out five legs. “Oh, remember to put your name on the quidditch try out sheets. I’m holding trials this Thursday”
I nodded, and smiled. (Here we go with the nodding.) “Yea, I was in a bit of a rush this morning. You know how paranoid Rose can get when we’re almost late to class” I explained, while Al nodded, (NODDED), and chuckled.
“I suppose I’ve gotten used to her weird ways. I’m scared to even have my quill out on the table at night, because Rose will steal it and threaten to never give it back if I leave it out again” He shook his head (didn’t nod this time right?) and looked at me. OH GOD, THE EYES. THE MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A SEXY QUIDDITCH PLAYER’S EYES!
“ANDY. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO GET THIRTEEN INGREDIENTS?” Scorp yelled across the classroom.
“SHUT UP MALFOY. WHEN YOU’RE AS UN-CO AS ME, YOU TAKE YOUR TIME TO MAKE SURE YOU DON’T KNOCK OVER ANY NEWT’S EYES” I screamed, and everyone laughed, knowing it was completely true. I turned back to Albus and said goodbye brightly, while he chuckled and returned the gesture.
My gosh the boy is an angel. I think I’m in love with him. *sigh* I’ll just bring the ingredients back and sit down, and begin daydreaming about Albus Severus Potter.
“Calm the fuck down Scorpius, I got the ingredients now!” I sang, throwing jars of stuff at his face, while he ducked and snagged them before they could shatter.
“AAAH, WHY ARE YOU THROWING THINGS AT ME YOU CRAZY WOMAN?! ROSE, SAVE ME FROM THIS EVIL, NEWT EYE THROWING, CRAZY MANIAC” he cried, his arms too busy juggling the bottles of ingredients to shoot me the finger. I smiled angelically at him and sat down, picking up my quill and scratching down the last lines of the waffle Professor Slughorn had written on the board. Speaking of which, where is the professor? Probably getting a refill of pineapple. Yes, that must be it.
“Just testing your chaser reflexes!” I replied cheerfully, and he scowled playfully at me.
“Shut up Scorp, you’re disturbing my concentration!” Rose wailed, as the radish roots splashed and plonked in the potion.
“Sorry love!” Scorpius sang, and I laughed at Rose’s sarcastic expression.
“Scorpius” I trilled, “have you signed up for the quidditch tryouts yet?”
“Yeah, I have, but Hugo said he was going to wait for you to sign up. You still need to right?”
“Yep” I replied. “Al said they were going to be held on Thursday”
The blonde boy nodded. “Yea, Jake told me”. Jacob Gilbert Chowdhury is a boy in our year, and a beater on the Gryffindor quidditch team. I’ve seen him play before, and I gotta say he’s fantastic. He has blue eyes (like mine!) and short brown hair. He’s a fairly nice guy, and lots of girls like him. Like millions. But he never seems to be interested, no matter how gorgeous or leggy the girls’ are. Lily Potter is just one of the girls that have a major issue with speaking when he’s around. I swear she blushes more than I do in a week when she sees Jacob.
“I might go down earlier with Hugo to practice. I’m a little rusty”
“Sure. I hope there aren’t many little firstlings down there today. Last year, a whole bunch rocked up, and spewed out their breakfast” Scorp shook his head sympathetically. I smiled. The boy is just one of the sweetest guys in the world. All the Potter and Weasley kids are too. Except for Rose. She’s a bloody madman.
“Alright, sample some of your work and bring it up to me for testing” Slughorn re-entered the room, carrying trays of empty phials and…a box a crystallised pineapples. The guy is hooked. Can’t be good for his blood…
“I’m done!” Rose flourished, doing a happy dance and hugging me.
“Congratulations!” I laughed, hugging her back. I leaned in and caught a whiff of Albus from the potion. Delicious mint and apples consumed me, as well as the fresh grass from the quidditch pitch. I also found the inviting smell of Hogwarts’ lamb stew somewhere in the alluring scent.
“Next lesson I will be pairing you up with someone and you will be working with that partner for the rest of the year. You students talk too much, and don’t get enough work done” The professor told the class disapprovingly, and we all groaned. But Slughorn clapped his enormous walrus hands, and boomed “FOR HOMEWORK, WRITE A THREE FOOT ESSAY ON THE USE OF LIZARD’S LEG IN AMORTENTIA, TO BE HANDED IN NEXT LESSON! Class dismissed!”
I groaned. It was the first day back! Why why why why why do we already have homework? WHY?! The goddess of homework hates me. Is there even a goddess of homework? Whatever. If there is, I’M SORRY IF I HAVE OFFENDED YOU IN ANYWAY, AND THIS IS KARMA COMING BACK TO BITE ME IN THE ASS. Are we cool now goddess of homework?
“ANDY! Where are you going? It-it’s almost lu- lunch” puffed Lily, as she ran up to me from the charms corridor. I had just started walking away, towards the owlery, when the redhead bounced up to me.
“Hey Lils, I’m going to the owlery. I need to send a letter to my mum and ask her to send me my broom”
“Oh, I need to send something too, I’ll go with you” I smiled and we walked up to the owlery in silence. “You know, it’s extremely weird that you suddenly express interest in quidditch” Lily told me suspiciously. “What made you want to do it?”
“Eh? I dunno, sudden change of mind I suppose” I replied airily, trying to skilfully disguise my panic. What if she found out I was in love with her BROTHER? Oh gosh that would put me in such deep shit.
Lily eyed me carefully again, before nodding, and pushing open the door to the owlery. I sighed in relief when she let it go. If she had confronted me, and wriggled the truth out of me, it would be horrible. She would definitely tell her brother, and he would know, and he would avoid me for the rest of my life, so there would be no chance of him falling in love with me, and I’ll end up being alone with millions of cats. I DON’T WANT MILLIONS OF CATS. I DON’T LIKE CATS.
Anyways…I chirped for Juliet, my cherry brown owl, and she soared down from the top branch. I always feel so talented when I chirp for her. We have such a strong bond, and I love my little Hera to bits. *insert lovey dovey face here*
Attaching the letter to Juliet’s leg, I turned to see Lily doing the same thing to Albus’s owl, Romeo. BOTH OUR OWLS HAVE MATCHING NAMES, AND I DON’T THINK IT’S A COINCIDENCE THAT THE NAMES THE TWO LOVE BIRDS OF SHAKESPEARE’S (who was a wizard, by the way) AMAZINGLY FAMOUS PLAY. This is a sign. We have to get married. If we don’t, I might end up with lots of owls with derpy names, instead of cats.
“Hey Adrie- Andy, are you ready yet? I’m hungry”
Lily was extremely stubborn, and she stands by the fact that my real name, Adrienne, is a super gorgeous, very feminine name. I disagree, but being the stubborn Potter she is, she still calls me Adrienne. The reason why she suddenly switched to Andy just then was because I have her one of my marvellous, chilling death glares. I have the best death glares in the world. They can make you melt until you are a puddle of goo. Okay, not really, but they are very scary. I pride myself on them.
“Lils, you call me Adrienne one more time, and I shall call you Elizabeth Luna Potter, which isn’t even your name, but I know you hate it when people assume that Elizabeth is your full name” I threatened, and her eyes widened. It was true. She completely rages at anyone who asks her if her real name is Elizabeth. I don’t know why. Elizabeth is a nice name! It’s very…queenly.
“Okay, Okay, sorry! Just don’t ever call me…Eliza- THAT name ever again” she shuddered, and I grinned. We linked hands and made our way down to the great hall for lunch.
A/N: Hey guys! :D chapter two :P What do you guys think? let me know in a review! :) chapter three might take a while, since I'm waiting for a proper banner before really starting to get into this story <3
but, review anyways! :D I'd love to know what you thought <3