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Chapter 9: Confession 7 - Of Going Home, Secrets And Lies
I've been awake for hours. I honestly think that I haven't fallen asleep. All night I kept tossing and turning and no matter what I did I couldn't get comfy. I think maybe it's because I still have to pay a visit to the hospital wing and tell Cassy my decision. Not too mention I have to tell my parents and probably my whole family this half term. I'm dreading it, maybe that's why I can't sleep. Oh and Jake still isn't back, so there's another thing to worry about as well.
Today I'm going home for half term, Since it was still early I got out of bed and pulled on a hoodie over my pyjamas and put on my ugg's. Carefully walking across the dorm, making sure that I didn't wake any of the others up I went into the bathroom and brushed my messy hair before leaving the dorm and heading towards the Hospital wing.
When I got there Cassy was treating a patient, she smiled when she saw me, "If you could wait in my office please Lily, I'll be there now."
I nodded and walked passed her and her patient. Luckily I didn't recognise the patient and thank god they didn't recognise me as they seemed to be pretty out of it. I entered her office and sat down, the place wass pretty clean and even though the room wass small Cassy has brightened up the place with a vase of sunflowers and a bright blue ceiling.
Madame Pomfrey then came in closing the door behind her, "Sorry about that. I didn't expect to see you here so early."
I shrugged, "I couldn't sleep. I've made my decision and I want to choose open adoption."
She nodded, "Right. I shall find you couples who I feel are suitable for your situation and I'll give you the information later on today. If you stop by before you get on the train to collect it, you can look over them whilst you're off. There's no rush." I watched as she scribbled words down on a piece of parchment, "Also I shall schedule a meeting with the headmistress to inform her of your condition, although it won't be until after half term."
I nodded, "Thank you."
"Do your parents know yet?"
I shook my head, "I plan on telling them this week."
Cassy stood up as did I,"Take care Lily."
I left the Hospital wing feeling a lot happier that I had told Cassy and that she was going to find suitable parents for my little one. When I got back to the dorm, Livi was awake and sat up in bed reading a magazine, the others were still asleep. I went to wake Kayl up only to find that she wasn't in her bed. Where the hell was she?
I turned to Livi, "Where's Kayl?" I asked.
"Oh she mentioned something about owling her mum. Although I don't know why, since she'll she her later anyway."
"There is definitely something going on with her Liv, but I'm not sure what."
"I know, she's been acting odd since October. Maybe something's wrong at home." Livi suggested.
Great so that's another thing to worry about, so fat it's:
-Jake and whether he will come back
-My stomach and whether you can tell if I'm pregnant or just fat
-Crying, it's all I seem to do lately
-How to tell mum, dad and the rest of my family without them killing Jake
-Worrying about O.W.L's
And praying that Dom doesn't tell anyone.
I swear on Merlin's life that I cannot handle anything else right now.
I put the last remaining items in my trunk and shut it. Grabbing my clean clothes off my bed I got dressed. Once Livi was ready we went down to breakfast. As we walked down I told her that I had been to see Cassy and that I had to see her again before I leave. Livi nodded and told me that she would cover for me, if anyone asked where I was. When we entered the great hall, I scanned the Gryffindor table as we approached for Kayl, but there was no sign of her.
It was pretty quiet, Rose came over and sat with us but it wasn't for long. "I'll see you later." She called over her shoulder as Scorpius entered the hall with Al and Jamie.
I watched as Rose and Scorp left the hall hand in hand, while Al and Jamie came and sat next to us. Al piled his plate high with sausage and egg as did Jamie, I looked at them in disgust as they then smothered their plates in ketchup and brown sauce.
"What?" Al said, looking up from his food.
I looked at my little bowl of porridge and Livi's two pieces of toast, "Hungry."
They both nodded as their mouths were full. I rolled my eyes and muttered "Boys." under my breathe. After breakfast we left the hall, Jamie and Al went back down to the dungeons and just as myself and Livi were about to walk up the stairs Roxy came in through the castle doors, a broom over her shoulder.
"Hey Rox," I called, she waved as she came over, "You haven't seen Kayl have you?" I asked.
She shook her head, "Nope, I've been down the quidditch pitch most of the morning."
We made our way up to the dorm to get our stuff and so Roxy could shower and change. "Here Lil, this is your's." Roxy called from inside the bathroom, I looked up to see a purple dress fly through the air and land on the floor.
"Thanks." I called back as I picked it up, it was the dress I had been wearing that night. The night that caused all of this. I opened my trunk and stuffed it in, slamming the lid shut. Zephie was safely in her cage and had enough food and water for the journey, I placed her cage on top of my closed trunk. I made sure that my wand was in my bag for safe keeping and that I had everything that I needed for the train journey such as a bottle of water, my sickness potion, a book and some ginger biscuits.
Roxy was ready within minutes and we left the dorm leaving our trunks so the elves could magic them down to the train. The common room was packed as people were all trying to leave at once. It wasn't until a prefect came along and sorted everyone out that we got through. Our usual crowd of people were waiting in the entrance hall, "Hi." I said as we approached them.
"Hey guys." Jamie replied.
Dom didn't even look at me as I spoke to Rose who was stood next to her, she just kept shooting me dirty looks and flicking her blonde hair. I looked at Livi who nodded, time to put my plan into action.
I checked my pockets for my wand and pretended to act panicked, "I can't find my wand." I said aloud as I searched through my bag ignoring the secret compartment where was my wand was hidden.
"I think I saw it on your bedside table." Livi piped up.
"I'll be back now." I announced as I left our group and started walking up the stairs.
"I'll wait for you Lil." Livi called.
Instead of going all the way up to the seventh floor I carried on to the first, many people were going the opposite way and they gave me funny looks. I really hoped it wasn't because they could see mini bump and I pulled my coat closer around me. When I arrived, I walked in and knocked on the office door which was open.
Cassy looked up from her desk, where she she was doing paperwork. "Ahh Lily, how are you?" She asked as she stood up and picked a blue folder of the nearest filling cabinet and handed it to me.
"I'm ok, I guess and thanks."
"Take care and enjoy your holiday. Take your time with the decision, you may find that none of the prospective parents in there take your fancy. You don't have to choose straight away."
I smiled as I put it in my bag, I thanked Cassy again before rushing back down to the entrance hall where I found Livi sat on the bottom step. "You ready?" I asked causing her to jump.
"Yep." She replied.
Leaving the warm castle into the cold Autumn wind wasn't very nice and we jumped in the first carriage that came. Once down on the platform the others were no where to be found so we got on the train, most compartments were full and we eventually found an empty one towards the end of the train.
Ten minutes after we set off the door slid open and Kayl entered, "Hey." She mumbled.
"Where've you been, we've been worried Kayl. No one had seen you all morning." I said a little too loud making her jump.
She sat down next to Livi and glanced out the window before answering, "Lil calm down. I had to owl my mum about something."
Livi looked at me and asked what we were both thinking, "But Kay you'll see her in a few hours."
Kay shook her head causing hair to fall out of it's messy bun, "I'm not, me and Alfie have to go to nan's since she's looking after Jasmine and then I've got to pick up Toby, Ryan and Ellie from their friends houses."
"Why can't Stu pick them up?" Livi asked.
I could see tears starting to form in Kayl's eyes and I knew something was wrong," Mum's in hospital and they don't know what's wrong with her yet." She said softly, her voice trembling as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Dad's with her and since nan can't drive, floo or apparate, I've got to get them."
"Oh come here Kayl." I said softly pulling her into a big hug along with Livi.
"How long have you know?" Livi whispered.
"Two days." Came a mumbled reply as we broke apart.
"Why didn't you say anything before?" I asked as I brushed hair from out of her eyes.
"I didn't want you to worry because you've got so much on your plate what with y'know." Kayl said in a hushed voice, pointing at my stomach.
I pulled her into another hug, "Don't be silly, you need us as much as I need you right now."
When she pulled away this time, she sat in the corner and dried her eyes with a tissue Livi had given her, the rest of the journey wasn't that fun. Al, Scorp, Jamie and Rose joined us but Rose and Scorp didn't stay long as she had prefect duties and Scorp normally helps her. In other words they go up and down the train, find an empty compartment and they snog for god knows how long. When they come, Rose's neck will probably be covered in hickies.
I'm actually surprised that Hugo hasn't stopped by, he didn't say anything to me earlier or even make an attempt at acknowledging my presence. Maybe he's in denial that me, his cousin Lily, who is good and Innocent would be pregnant at sixteen by his best mate or something. I don't know how a boys mind works but I do know that boys are bloody confusing.
The conversation was limited as we were avoiding things like my pregnancy, Jake and now illness and Kayl's mum. Kayl was looking out the window, a dazed expression on her face. She was still staring out the window when the train stopped and her brother Alfie came to our compartment.
Once off the train I hugged Kayl and Livi in turn, "Take care Kay ok and owl us if you need anything. I'm sure your mum will be fine."
She nodded and went off with Alfie to get their trunks.
"Owl me, about how it goes." Livi whispered as she lifted Zephie's cage onto my trunk which was on a luggage trolley. "Take care Lil."
I nodded as I watched Livi walk the short distance down the platform to where her mum, dad and four year old brother Isaac were stood. Al appeared out of no where as I waved to Livi.
"You ready." He said.
I nodded but the spotted Jamie helping his younger sister Lola put Jake's trunk on top of his own. "I'll be back now, go find mum."
Al looked at me for a second and then shrugged before pushing the luggage trolley with my trunk and Zephie on down the platform. "Hey Jamie." I said, "Hiya Lo how's school been, as good as he made out." I asked pointing at Jamie.
She laughed, "I wish, non stop homework, getting lost and flying lessons. No thanks, I'd rather be back at my muggle primary school. I best get these to dad, bye Lily."
"Bye." I called, "Ahh how I wish to be so young and innocent again." I said to Jamie who laughed at me.
"I know you want to know if I've heard off of him and the answer's still the same as it was in the week." He said.
I sighed, "Jame, please, please, please let me know if you do hear off him." I begged.
"I will Lily, you'll be the first to know. Take care." He added as he pulled me into a hug.
I left Jamie putting Lola and Izzy's trunks onto a trolley and went to find my family. I spotted mum not far from the barrier, Al was already with her and then I spotted a tall dark haired person talking to Al, at first I thought it was dad but then realised it was James since dad was most likely in work.
When James saw me, he pulled me into a hug, "Hiya Lil's," He said picking me up like he used to when I was little, and I think he soon regretted it, "I think you're killing me." He put me down quickly acting as though it had been hard working picking me up, "You want to lay off the food Lil, you're getting a bit podgy and heavy too for that matter."
Why thank you James, not only have you mentioned the things that I currently hate about me the most (fat and heavy) but also in front of mum, great.
Auntie Hermione, Rose and Scorpius came over with Hugo trailing behind. "I'll see you at The Burrow." Auntie Hermione was saying to mum, "Just got to drop Scorpius off at Diagon Alley."
"Bye." Mum called. "Let's go then, are you two ready, have you got everything?" She questioned.
"Yes." I said in unison with Al.
James took my trolley and I ran through the barrier with him, leaving mum and Al not far behind. Once our trunks were loaded into the car I got in and before long we were on the move. Mum started questioning how the term had been, were the classes ok and that we weren't getting stressed what with my O.W.L's coming up and Al sitting his N.E.W.T's.
The journey was long and I was so glad to see the Burrow as we turned the corner but at the same time I felt dread. I was going to have to tell mum and dad this week and probably the rest of the family since they'll be here as well. And in our family, no one can keep secrets, especially a secret as big as this. I'm carrying the chosen one's first grandchild for Merlin's sake, it's not I'm hiding presents such as new set of screwdrivers for Granddad or a box of books for Rose. No I'm hiding the fact that I am currently with child. But for how long I don't know.
For the past three days I've been worrying about the size of my mini bump, Nana even commented that she thought I looked a bit round and then proceed to give me three helpings of pudding at dinner last night.
So not only worrying about the size of my stomach, I've been worrying about whether Dom will keep her mouth shut around our family and how I'm going to tell mum and dad. Well this half term should be great.
Today is Wednesday meaning that my week is nearly over and that I only have three days to tell mum and dad. Since dad was at work, mum was busy with Nana and my aunties and my cousins all seemed to have stuff to do I lied to mum and said I was going into town to meet Livi and that I wouldn't be back til late.
Instead I got a taxi and went straight to the address Bee had given me just over a month ago. The taxi pulled up outside a three story block of flats just two streets away from Diagon Alley, I payed the guy with my muggle money and walked across the pavement passed the fountain and towards the door. I tired to open the door but it wouldn't budge and then I noticed there was an intercom thing next to it and I buzzed 2A.
"Hello," Came Bee's cheery voice.
"Um hi Bee, it's me Lily." I said awkwardly.
"Hi Lily, come on up." With that there was a buzz and the door opened.
I entered the building and saw the little block of cupboards for the mail and then frowned as I walked up the first set of stairs, wondering how the post man got in. I climbed the next set and stopped outside 2A before knocking softly.
"Come in Lily, it's open." Bee called through the wood.
I entered into the little flat and closed the door behind me. Bee was in the kitchen washing up. "Take a seat Lil, but mind the toys. Would you like a drink? Water, squash, cherryade, lemonade?" She asked as I sat down on the brown leather sofa which was in the shape of an 'L'.
"Cherryade, please." I answered as I looked around. It wasn't a very big flat, a living room with a kitchen diner and then a small corridor which I'm guessing leads to a bathroom and two bedrooms. The living room was painted sky blue and on the fire place there were moving pictures. Bee was sat on the grass on a summer's day with Codie who looked about one, he was laughing at the bubbles that were floating by.
I smiled to myself as I watched it, he looked like such a happy baby and I could see he looked like Bee as he had her smile. In another picture there was a man and women who I recognised Oliver and Katie Wood (Bee's parents), Bee holding a baby who was Codie and Bee's Younger sister Eliza.
You see when your father's the chosen one you meet a lot of people who are also famous, Oliver Wood is famous for his quidditch skills and for being captain of Puddlemere United as well as for fighting in the battle of Hogwarts. Katie Bell now Wood is famous for the same things except she used to play with mum on the women's team, The Holyhead Harpies.
Bee brought over two glasses full of the red fizzy stuff and placed them on the coffee table in the middle before putting some of the toys in the toybox over by the window and then taking the rest down the corridor into what I'm guessing is Codie's room, I could hear Bee speaking but only faintly.
"Sorry about the mess, it was his birthday nearly two weeks ago and he's been playing with his new toys." She said as she came back in, putting her her brown hair into a ponytail as she walked.
I smiled, "It's fine. How old was he?" I asked out of curiosity.
"He was three,"Bee replied, "Three going on thirteen more like." She laughed as she sat down.
I took a sip of my pop to calm my nerves, if I cannot tell Bee then how am I going to tell my parents. "I've decided what I'm going to do and I've chosen adoption." I blurted out.
Bee looked at me, "Are you sure Lily, I know the prospect of becoming a mum at sixteen is daunting but are you sure you want adoption?"
I nodded, "I can't do this alone Bee, I can't do it without Jake. I just want what's best for my baby and that they'll have a good future."
Bee's smile faded,"Lil, Codie doesn't have his dad around and he's loved just as much. I managed, I don't know how but I did and I wouldn't change anything for the world."
"I know but I can't provide everything a baby needs, sure I'll love it and care for it but what about baby equipment it's not exactly cheap. I'm sixteen and about to take my O.W.L's, I'll be in sixth year when the baby comes."
"Will anything change your mind?"
I shook my head, "My mind is made up, this is what's best." I drank some of my drink and then asked, "Any ideas on telling my parents?"
Bee laughed, "Wrong person to ask Lily. Mum and dad didn't know until Cassy flooed and said I had been taken to St.Mungo's as it was an emergency. They arrived five minutes before Codie was born."
"I know, like I said before I thought that if no one knew then it couldn't be real, that it wasn't happening."
"Is that why you didn't tell them or his dad?" I asked and then wished I didn't. God I seem like a right nosy cow.
Bee choked on her and I gently patted her on the back, I'm guessing she didn't expect me to ask that. Once she had recovered she replied, "We were best friends, it was one night and we were drunk. He was too immature to be a dad and he had big dreams. He wouldn't have coped."
As Bee spoke I remembered the stories that James used to tell me about him, Freddie and their friends, Alexander Creevy, Bee, Alice Longbottom, and Ellen Mclaggen. If Codie's dad was best friends with Bee then that means it's Fred, James or Alex since I can rule out Alice and Ellen.
"Hang on," I said, "Your best guy friends were Fred, James and Alex."
Bee looked at me with her brown eyes and nodded to confirm it, "Lily I've never told anyone this, Alice and Ellen didn't know and neither do my parents. Nobody know's who Codie's dad is except me." I could see tears forming on her lashes and she hesitated before whispering, "It's James."
"James!" I yelled, "MY James as in MY BROTHER James." I jumped up off the sofa as Bee pulled her wand out and muttered 'Muffliato' in the direction of Codie's room.
Bee had tears trickling down her face as she stood opposite me, "You have to understand Lil, I was so scared and I didn't want the burden of becoming a teen parents on him as well. He wanted to be a famous quidditch player. And I wasn't going to stop him from doing that, just because my dreams were over I wasn't going to ruin his."
I started pacing as Bee sat back on the sofa, "I'm an auntie." I whispered.
"Yes. I'm sorry that I never told anyone until know and I'm sorry that I never told James." She sobbed, "I'm sorry that you had to find out like but one thing I am not sorry for is having Codie."
"Were you ever going to tell James?" I enquired.
She shrugged, "Yes, No, I don't know. I've been thinking about it recently since you said that you were pregnant. I mean if James is ok with the idea his little sisters going to have a baby then he might not freak out as much if I told him about Codie." Bee explained.
This is so unreal.
"I've been an auntie for three years and I never knew."
"Lily I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Please don't hate me." She sniffed and I handed her a tissue.
"I don't think I could ever hate you Bee." I said as I went over and hugged her.
I have a nephew, holy mother of Merlin. I'm an Auntie, me Lily Potter, has a nephew. Am I dreaming. When we broke apart Bee stood up and went over to look in the mirror above the fireplace.
"Lily," Bee said as she turned around, her eyes still red, "Would you like to meet your nephew?"
I nodded since I was still trying to take in the fact I was an auntie. It's freaking mad that I'm an auntie to a three year old. My eldest brother is a dad, James has a son. James and son are not two words I generally associate in a sentence unless it's about him being the son of Harry Potter.
Bee went to get Codie and I tried to pull myself together. When she came back not five minutes later, with a little boy hiding behind her legs. As they came into the room he moved and all I could think was oh my god, he looks exactly like James. Well not exactly since he had dark brown hair just like Bee but it was messy and sticking up in all directions like James'.
Codie stuck his head around Bee's legs and blinked at me with big brown eyes, the exact same colour as James' and mine. Bee came and sat next to, Codie stayed behind and was reluctant to leave his mother's side.
"Codie, this is Lily, she's your auntie." Bee told her son.
"Hi Codie." I whispered.
He looked at me, then at Bee who smiled. "Hi." He said shyly.
Codie was too cute for words and he looked so much like James except for his smile, he definitely had Bee's smiled. I spent the rest of the afternoon building towers with Codie and his building blocks, as we built I told him about James. Codie was still a bit shy and not saying a lot but I guess from the giggles he was listening and even if he wasn't Bee was.
"Lily do you want to stay for lunch, it's Codie's favourite Sausage, beans and mash." Bee called from the kitchen.
"I should be getting back, they'll be worried."
"Please." Codie begged, "Please, please, please."
I gave in eventually and stayed for lunch. As the afternoon went on Codie became chattier and told me all about his favourite TV program, colour, animal and toy. When I said my goodbye's Codie gave me a big hug.
"Bye Lily." He called from where he was sat on the sofa watching his favourite program.
"Thank you." I said as Bee partly closed the front door behind her.
"What for?" She asked looking confused.
"For everything , the help and advice and for telling me about Codie."
"It's ok and can you not tell James about Codie. I need to get my head around how I'm going to tell him and when."
"Now that I can help you with," I laughed, "Take him down memory lane."
Bee hugged me again, "Bye Lily, take care and good luck."
"Thanks and you."
I got a taxi back to The Burrow and payed the driver. When I walked in the kitchen Nana Molly was cooking.
"Dinner will be done soon Lily, did you have a nice day with Olivia?"
It took me a minute to realise she was on about Livi since she insists on calling everyone by their full name, "Oh yeah, thanks for asking Nana. Do you mind if I go take a nap."
Nana looked at, "Of course not, I'll save you some food as long as the boys don't eat it all."
I smiled, "Thanks but I've already eaten, I'll just have a sandwich later on."
Nana nodded and went back to stirring the large pot that was simmering away on the stove. I made my way up all the stairs, I passed Lucy on the way up who handed me a letter.
"It arrived not long after you left." She informed before going downstairs. I looked at the writing but I didn't recognise it. I opened and looked straight at the bottom, it was signed Izzy. Jake's elder sister. I carried on up the stairs turning the letter in my hands wondering what Izzy was writing to me for. I wanted to be able to curl up in bed, read my letter and then sleep. I was too pre-occupied with my thoughts and the letter in my hand that I didn't notice Rose and Scorpius kissing like mad on her bed as I walked in our room.
"OI!" I yelled causing them to jump apart like they had been electrocuted.
"Lily,you gave a me a heart attack." Rose said breathing heavily as she putting her hand on her chest.
I giggled, "Haven't you got somewhere else to go do that," I complained, "Preferably not in our room."
"Well you see Lil, this is my room as much as it is your's and no we haven't unless you would like to find us somewhere?"
I rolled my eyes as Scorp kissed her forehead and muttered, "See you later." before leaving the room, probably to find Al. Rose stood up and straighten out her top.
I kicked my shoes off and sat on my bed, putting my head in my hands. Today has certainly been eventful. Am I really going to tell mum and dad tomorrow, as in twenty-four hours time. I can't do this, I'm bricking it.
"Um Lil, are you ok?" Rose asked as she sat next to me, putting her arm around me.
I looked up at her and saw a worried look on her face, "I'm fine Rosie, just worried about telling mum and dad that's all."
She gave me a quick hug and stood up, "It'll be fine. Get some sleep Lil, you look tired."
Rose then left and I read the letter off Izzy,
I wish I could have owled sooner but our owl was on a delivery and I was going to come and see you but Jamie told me you were at The Burrow. He told me about your's and Jake's situation and I can't believe I'm going to be an auntie. Only me, Jamie, mum and dad know, Mum thought it was best if we didn't tell the others.
I'm sure Jake will be back soon, he's never none anything like this before but I expect he needs time to think. Congratulations by the way Lil. Take care.
Love Izzy xx
I led down and sighed as I chucked the letter on my pillow. So now Izzy knows as well, great that puts even more pressure on me to tell my family. Why me, what have I ever done so bad to deserve all these secrets and stress. At this moment in time my life is far from the perfection it used to be.
A/N What do you think of Bee's bombshell then? Will Lily tell her parents? Will James ever find out about Codie? Will Lily tell anyone about Codie?