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Chapter 12: THE words
Rose and I were talking about... well, we we're talking about nothing really.
No actually, we were talking about nothing.
I live a fascinating life.
"Nothing is such an odd word, it sounds so strange and every time you think about it, it's like – hey! I'm thinking about nothing," I said.
Rose nodded thoughtfully, "I know if someone asks you what you're thinking about and you say nothing, technically you’re lying because thinking about nothing is thinking about something. Isn't it?"
"Yeah you are, so that's bad because lying is bad, but how can you be sure you're lying, because really you're telling the truth. But it is a lie."
"This conversation is starting to go in circles, I'm going to get a tea, did you want one?" she asked as she started to stand.
"You're going to have tea in this weather?" Rose nodded. "It's bloody hot!"
Rose shrugged, "Tea is for any weather."
I raised my eyebrows but said, "Alrighty then. But no thanks to the tea."
She grinned and started preparing her tea. It's one of the hottest days in August and she's drinking tea?
Ah Rosie is my little weirdo.
As Rose sat down with her tea, she said nonchalantly, "Oh and by the way, I got into Healing School."
She threw it out there like she was talking about the weather and wasn't a big deal or anything. Which it is. It's a huge deal!
I gaped at her, and when I finally found my voice, I said, "That's great Rose! When do you start?!"
She grinned excitedly, "As soon as Hogwarts goes back to school, so in two weeks!"
"Ahhhh that's so good!"
"I know!" she squealed. We continued to talk about it and then she said, "Oh and Scorp and I found an apartment! It's really close to you and James actually!"
"Really?! When are you going to move in?!" I asked her excitedly.
"We're hoping after I finish training because the people still living there are still having trouble finding a place. But it works out better for us because training takes three months so hopefully I'll be earning money then, Scorp will also hopefully be getting paid full wage by then as well. So we said we'd give them three months but then they have to leave. It's getting exciting actually, it's all happening. We're growing up!"
"Wow," I gasped, "We really are. You got into Healing School, Scorp got the job at Muggle liaison, Al started working for the Magpies and me, well I'm just getting fat."
Rose rolled her eyes, "Reese, you're pregnant, not fat. Slight difference."
I snorted, "I've gained so much weight already, I don't like it."
"Well if you weren't gaining enough weight that would be a problem, wouldn't it?" I nodded and her eyes suddenly lit up. "I could so end up being one of those interns that has to tag along to all your appointments."
"No. No, I'm sorry Rose but I don't want you to be there as the Healer is looking at parts that I'd rather you not see," I told her sternly.
"Oh, right," she flushed. "Forgot about that, yeah I'd rather not see that as well. But if you don't find out the sex, I could so look through files and find it – wait are you finding out the sex?"
"I don't know, but if we don't I forbid you to look through those files. You can't lie for nargle shit," I grinned at her.
"Oh shush, well does James want to know? You know, considering he is the father and the guy you love and all – what was that noise?"
I had squeaked at the word 'love'. Yes I did love James but I hadn't said it to him. Well, I said I was in love with him, but not the actual three words.
Yes, there is a difference, thank you very much. Saying you're in love with someone is just thrown around like no big deal, but actually saying those humongous words? Well, that's a big deal.
I said, "Well the thing is, I kinda haven't said the 'L-word' to him yet..."
Rose's eyes went wide, "Why the bloody hell not?"
I bit my lip, "I don't know, every time I try to say it, it just doesn't come out!"
"But you do, don't you?" I nodded. "Well then that shouldn't be so hard to say it then!" she said confusedly.
"But you don't understand, Rose," I moaned. "I've never said it to a guy before. This is a major step for me."
She raised an eyebrow, "Because getting pregnant wasn't a major step?"
"Oh shut up, this is important to me!"
She sighed, "Well, I can't believe you've never said it to a guy before! You've had heaps of boyfriends! I'm actually surprised you were a virgin up until April."
"Gee thanks, Rose," I said dryly.
"No! I didn't mean it that way!" she cried. "It's just because hardly any people are virgins when they're fifteen, let alone seventeen!"
I just rolled my eyes at her, "I know what you mean. Don't worry. But yeah, I've never said the 'L-word' and I don't know, to me it's like losing my virginity, the sequel."
"You know, most people say they love each other and then lose their virginity."
"Shut up, Rose. You are not helping."
She laughed, "Seriously Reese, I blurted it out awkwardly to Scorp when we were in Muggle Studies, so it really doesn't matter when you say it, just that you actually say it."
I laughed, "Oh I remember Al telling me that, weren't you doing a project and Scorp said something about organising work evenly and you screamed it at him?"
She blushed, "Maybe. Anyway, I still said it, more than I can say for you!"
"Yeah I guess. Anyway are you coming to the game on Saturday? James asked because he needs to know how many seats he can get for everyone."
She scoffed, "Of course I'm coming! I wouldn't miss it for the world!"
I laughed, "I know, I know, but I just had to ask. Just in case."
She was about to say something but got interrupted by Lily being violently thrown out of the fireplace, "Hey guys, just wondering if I could crash. Hugo said you were here."
Rose said sarcastically, "No, we don't want you here. Leave."
"I wasn't asking you, Rose."
"It's my house!"
Lily shrugged, "Well I like Reese more than I like you." I smirked triumphantly and Rose rolled her eyes.
"Well come on then, come sit down. Did you want a tea?"
"On a day like this?" she asked incredulously. "No thanks. Could I just have a really cold soda please?" she smiled sweetly at Rose who muttered as she started to get up.
"Are you sure you don't want anything, Reese?" she called out.
"Nah, I'm fine thanks," I called back. "So Lily, what have you been up to?"
She grinned, "Oh nothing much really, been on a few dates with Lysander. It's so nice to be able to actually go in public now!"
I laughed, "Yeah, finally. How long have you been going out for?"
"Oh, since March. I really don't know how they didn't find out actually."
I shrugged, "Men are stupid. They'll only realise once you say it in full complete sentences."
She nodded thoughtfully, "I guess so. Anyway, what's been going on with you?" She nudged me slightly.
"Eh, nothing much, just been hanging in there I guess."
Rose walked back in with Lily's drink, "So what are you two talking about?"
Lily replied after sculling the soda, "Just catching up. Hey, did you guys want to go to Diagon Alley, I just remembered I told Mum I would start buying my school stuff a few days ago, and well, I kinda need to buy it now."
Rose shrugged, "Sure, are you doing anything, Reese?" I shook my head and she stood up, "Well let's go then. Just let me go get my bag."
Lily nodded, "I'll meet you at the Leaky Cauldron?"
Rose nodded but I said, "I'll just floo after you Lily. So we can meet at Diagon Alley."
Lily grinned at me, "Sure. Let's go then." And without another word, she stepped into the green flames.
I waved at Rose, "See you soon." She waved back as I stepped through the flames.
As soon as I was spat out, someone grabbed my arm, "Woah, easy there Reese. Don't want you falling."
I smiled, "Thanks, Lily."
I waved my wand over us to get rid of all the soot that covered the both of us as Mrs Longbottom came up to us, "Hello dears, just going to Diagon Alley are we?" Lily nodded and smiled at her.
She directed us to the bricks and gave us a cheery, "Have a good time, girls!"
When I tapped the bricks to reveal Diagon Alley, some reporters started trying to talk to Lily. I tugged self-consciously at my top because as much as James argued with me, it was obvious I was pregnant.
"No comments," Lily replied boredly and when they still didn't leave her alone she snapped, "Do you want my mother to come and hex all of you?"
Immediately they cowered and ran away, Ginny is very famous for her bat-bogey hexes. Apparently when she announced her engagement with Harry, they got swarmed with reporters so she hexed them all. It started to become a regular occurrence when they wouldn't leave her alone.
It came in handy when they were trying to get somewhere.
Shortly after, we found Rose and Lily lead us wherever she needed to go. After Lily had gotten everything she needed, she led us to a new shoe shop.
Immediately I went to a pair of gorgeous heels and nearly drooled all over them. Rose followed me and breathed, "They're beautiful aren't they?"
I nodded, "I'm not even looking at the price, I'm just going to have only happy memories of these beauties."
Rose nodded, "Well, I'm looking at the price," I looked towards her and her eyes widened. "Shit."
I asked, "Never?"
She kept staring at the tag, "Never ever. Ever. Ever, ever, ever."
I sighed, "I can't keep staring at these forever, I'll be sad and then buy them and probably go broke."
Rose sighed as well, "Well we can always look at that bag over there." She pointed to a gorgeous bag by Romilda Vane.
"Rose! You can't do that to me! It's a Romilda Vane bag, they aren't cheap!" I moaned.
Rose frowned slightly, "Well the price can't be that bad, let's just look – oh dear Morgana! Who pays that much for a bag?!" Her eyes were bugging out as she stared at the bag in shock.
"Romilda Vane, that's who," Lily chimed in, holding a new bag.
"Lily! What did you get?" I asked.
She grinned mischievously, "A new pair of boots."
Rose rolled her eyes, "Lily you have thirty-one pairs of shoes already! Don't you think you have enough?" Lily sighed and shook her head.
"One never has enough shoes, Rose."
"AAAAND THEY'RE OFF!" Lee Jordan's voice rang through the stadium. Lily whooped beside me when James sped past our box.
I started clapping when Louis poked me. I turned around and he gestured for me to sit next to him. I raised my eyebrows slightly but climbed over the seats to sit next to him.
"Why did you want me to sit next to you?" I asked, instantly suspicious when he started smirking.
"Well... I just wanted to tell you something without worrying if Lily would chop my ball-"
"Get to the point!" I said hurriedly.
He smirked again, "Well, I've decided you need a nickname."
"Reese is my nickname, my real name is Larissa, didn't you know that?"
He rolled his eyes, "Of course I know that, I'm not stupid. I meant a new nickname; 'Reese' is becoming too mainstream for my taste."
"Oh so now you're a hipster?"
"I was a hipster before it was cool," he winked.
I rolled my eyes and sighed, "What's this new nickname then and why did you have to tell me now, during the match."
"Eh, Quidditch is boring after a while, and you think so too, thought we could have spent the time being bored together."
I started to protest, "I don't find Quidditch boring!" He gave me a look and I gave in, "Fine, sometimes it's boring, but I should still watch it, you know being the faithful girlfriend."
He rolled his eyes again, "Yeah, yeah, you love him and you need to watch him and all that crap, but this isn't an important match and I'm already bored, I could tell you were too."
I tried not to make a noise at the 'love' part, but instead focused on the actual conversation we were having.
"So, can you hurry up and tell me this nickname? I'm intrigued now."
He smirked again, "Patience young porlock, all in good time."
I rolled my eyes again, "Fine. But I'm going to watch the game."
I watched as the Cannons keeper let a goal in.
"ANOTHER TEN POINTS TO THE FALCONS PEOPLE; IT IS NOW SEVENTY-TWENTY!"
"Seventy?! Already?" I exclaimed. "I didn't focus on the game for about five minutes!"
"Well, that's what you get when you come to a Cannons game. I still don't know why Jimmy-boy chose this team, I mean he had so many other offers with other teams and he chooses the losing team," Louis shook his head.
I shrugged, "Well, they are his favourite team."
"But it's such a shit team!"
I just shook my head and said, "You aren't a very supportive cousin, are you?"
He waved a hand airily, "There are a billion back-up cousins, they can support him. I can, however chat to the Pregasaurus."
I froze. Did he just call me a-?
"What did you call me?" I asked tightly.
He grinned, "Pregasaurus, you wanna know why?"
I gritted my teeth, I was in public. I couldn't kill Louis, I'd probably get sent to Azkaban and I think everyone would hate me and do I really want to risk me and my unborn child into a life of hell?
No is the answer you're looking for.
I seethed silently for a bit until I decided to return to the seat I had before. Although when I stood up, Louis pulled me back down.
"No, you're not leaving me, I'm bored as hell. And plus, I didn't tell you the reason I call you Pregasaurus," he grinned at me.
I narrowed my eyes, "You tosser, as if I don't know why you're calling me Pregasaurus, it's pretty simple really."
He cocked his head to the side, "Really? Simple? Explain then."
"I have bad mood swings, I'm fat and I eat anything that's in sight, just like a dinosaur," I rolled my eyes.
He thought about it for a second and then shrugged. "Did I tell you that you're starting to show?"
I let out an annoyed breath, "Yes. Four times."
He grinned cheekily, why was I friends with him again?
I woke up and rolled off of James. I had a tendency to sleep on top of him. It wasn't my fault he was so warm!
Anyway, I got up and padded out to the kitchen. Today I had an ultrasound and maybe find out the sex. But I didn't know if I wanted to know. I think James wanted to know but I had no idea.
I pulled out some cereal and peanut butter. Absentmindedly I put the peanut butter with the cereal and when I had gotten halfway through my delicious breakfast, James walked in. He raised an eyebrow at what I was eating but didn't say anything.
"Morning," he yawned.
"Morning," I replied brightly.
He grinned at me and I started to bite my lip again. Do I want to know or not? It's so hard to decide! How do people do this?!
"James, I don't know!" I finally said, frustrated that I couldn't decide.
"Don't know what?" James asked.
I swallowed my cereal, "I don't know if I want to know the sex! I mean, yeah it will be good because then we'll know whether to buy pink or blue clothes but then we won't have that element of surprise and all the guessing games and all that other stuff!"
James raised his eyebrows, "I don't mind either way. So whatever you say I'll be fine with it."
I rolled my eyes, "You're no help. You're meant to make a decision for me!" He just smirked and made himself a coffee.
I finished my cereal and started to get up, "Well we have to be there at one and its eleven now. So what do you want to do?"
James just shrugged, so I said, "You're very unresponsive today."
"It's early." Noticing my raised eyebrows, he continued, "You know you basically sleep on top of me right? And you snore. So I don't get as much sleep as you do."
"Oh, I knew I slept on top of you; I wake up every morning like that. But I didn't know I snored. I'm sorry."
He shook his head and smiled, "It's okay, after I've had coffee I'm fine. Reese, stop looking like that. It's fine. Seriously."
I frowned, "But I'm stopping you sleeping! That's never good!"
He shrugged again, "Seriously it is fine. I still slept for ages anyway."
I bit my lip, "Well I'm just going to have a shower then." James nodded and continued drinking his coffee.
I hopped in the shower and looked at my belly. It was getting bigger and I definitely did not like it. I sighed and just focused on washing my hair.
When I stepped out of the shower and had gotten changed, James went and had a shower. I sat on the couch and read a book that Rose gave me.
After a few minutes James said, "Er... Reese, should we get going? It's half twelve."
I jumped, "How long have you been there?"
James frowned, "I've been here as soon as I finished my shower. I was eating and talking to you, don't you remember?"
I raised my eyebrows, "I wasn't responding, so were you talking to yourself?"
"Reese, you were responding," James laughed.
I blinked and he said, "I asked if you wanted lunch and you said no. And then I asked when the appointment was and you said one."
I frowned, "Well that's odd. I didn't even realise you were there! Oh well, let's leave then."
He nodded and smirked at me. Did I really have a conversation with James and not realise it?
Huh. I really was insane.
We walked towards the old department store and stepped through the glass. When we arrived, about a thousand whispers started.
"Is that James Potter?"
"Or is it Albus?"
"Don't be stupid, he's not wearing glasses! It's James."
"Are you sure?"
They were all like that and I suddenly wished I could shout at all of them. But James pretended he couldn't hear them, so I thought I should maintain my calm exterior too. He whispered, "Pretend like you don't see them, it makes it easier."
I smiled up at him and he smiled back. He then quickly kissed me and I heard a collective gasp.
Oh my Godric, I'm going to regret this.
When he pulled away from me, his warm brown eyes were twinkling, "We had to give them something didn't we?"
I just rolled my eyes and walked towards the welcome witch. She was staring at James so I cleared my throat to notify her I was there as well.
"Er... Hi... I'm Larissa Rizzo and I have an appointment at one..."
She narrowed her eyes at me and started tapping away at the computer. When she found it, it obviously said something about an ultrasound because her eyes went wide.
"You need to go to the second floor," she said with her eyes staring at my stomach.
Don't try and be subtle or anything, not like I can tell you're judging me.
Instead of snapping my thoughts to her, I said sweetly, "Thanks. Come on James," and grabbed his hand to head towards the lifts.
I kept fidgeting and James said, "Relax, Reese. I'm sure everything will be fine."
I sighed, "It's not that... Well maybe some of it is, but it was everyone's reactions when you stepped in the waiting room. I dunno... I guess I don't want to be identified as some slag."
He rolled his eyes, "You are not a slag. And well, I'm sure word will get out eventually but then it'll die out soon enough. Like the story with Aunt Hermione and Draco Malfoy."
I laughed recalling at how some magazine made up some story that Hermione and Mr Malfoy had some illicit affair. It was actually hilarious although Ron and Mr Malfoy didn't find it very funny. Hermione and Astoria still laugh about it to the day, though.
James wrapped an arm around me and grinned, "See? It'll be fine."
I grinned up at him and stepped through the elevator door. He followed me out and there was another waiting room with a few other couples. I didn't know what to do as there was no desk for me to ask or anything. James looked around as well, obviously not knowing what to do either.
I looked up at him, shrugged and sat down on an empty chair. James sat down next to me and I whispered, "It's so quiet."
"I know, right? It's like they're trying to make us scared of hospitals."
I frowned, "What do you mean?"
"You know, as a kid, weren't you afraid of hospitals? Al, Lily and I all hated them."
I shrugged, "Not really, because my mum used to be a nurse."
I nodded, trying not to think of my mum. Even though I said I hated her, I actually really missed her. I wish my mum was as supportive as Ginny was. Ginny had been absolutely brilliant and she comes over whenever possible (every time she comes over though, she shakes her head and starts cleaning the mess we like to call a home).
I wish my mum could understand I'm not some mutant or something and just be there for me, especially now, one of the most important times of my life.
James must have noticed my expression because he put an arm around my shoulder, kissed the side of my head and said, "Everything will be fine. Just you watch."
I smiled and leaned into him. I actually really loved him. He had been so good, tolerating my insanity and he had been so supportive, not to mention, he's given me somewhere to live.
I really wanted to tell him that I loved him, but I couldn't form the words. Every time I started to say it, my throat would close up and I'd say something stupid like, "I love pizza."
After a few minutes of silence, I decided to try and quickly say it, rip it off like a band aid.
I opened my mouth and said, "I-" But then a healer interrupted.
"Larissa Rizzo, you can come in now."
GOOD WORK HEALER, YOU PICKED ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT MOMENTS IN MY LIFE TO INTERRUPT!
I bet Merlin was watching and laughing his beard off.
I looked up and saw a middle-aged lady waiting for me. James stood up and pulled me up so he could lead me to the room. I walked in and the healer clicked the door shut behind me.
"You can sit on the bed, Miss Rizzo," she said sweetly.
Huh, guess she knew I wasn't married then. I wonder how?
Obviously not because James was right next to me.
I sat down on the bed and she introduced herself, "I'm Aberfa Jones, it's an old Welsh name before you ask."
I nodded slightly, so that explained the accent. She continued, "And I'll be your Healer for the next-" dhe looked down at her notes, "five months!"
I smiled slightly; she was much better than the other healer that gave me a check-up a few weeks ago. I was about to say this but she said, "So, I know you've had one check-up with Healer Davon, but he was filling in for me that day anyway, have you had any other ultrasounds before?"
I nodded, "Yeah, the school nurse made me have one, when I was about twelve weeks I think, but that's the only other appointment I've had."
She nodded, "That's good then. Have you been feeling sick lately, or has that all passed now?"
"I think it's passed now, thank Merlin."
She smiled, "Every woman says that. So have you been feeling any other odd symptoms, which you're confused about? Dizziness, any odd cramping, strange discharges, blurred vision?
I shook my head and she smiled again, "Perfect. So I'll need you to lie down on this bed and I'll put this potion on your stomach, and then we'll see what your baby will look like." She grinned and I smiled back at her, she was very nice and I already trusted her, even though she interrupted one of the most important times of my life.
I lifted my shirt up and saw James' eyes widen, I don't think he realised how big I had gotten.
She rubbed the potion on and I sucked in a breath, it was so cold and tickled slightly.
She smiled wryly at me, "It tickles, doesn't it?" I nodded and she finished rubbing.
"Well, I'm just going to let that harden; I'll be back in a mo." I nodded and she let herself out.
James said, "I didn't know you had an ultrasound before."
My mouth dropped slightly, "Oh, I thought I told you. Sorry about that. But yeah, I did, I had a picture but I can't find it for the life of me."
James nodded, "It’s okay. I was just curious."
I smiled at him and Hr. Jones walked back in holding some weird white stick.
I eyed it nervously and she said, "This is to bring the picture onto the screen, it's nothing dangerous, don't worry."
I nodded and James said confusedly, "Wouldn't you know what that was, you've had an ultrasound before?"
I tried to hide my grin, "Er... the first ultrasound wasn't performed on my stomach." I glanced at the healer who looked like she was trying to hide her own laughter.
James looked even more confused, "But where was it then?"
"Nothing you need to worry about right now, I'll just set this up and we can see your baby!" she grinned at me and I knew I was in good hands.
The healer busied herself getting the equipment ready and James was still frowning, so I said, "It's somewhere you don't want to know."
"Oh..." Comprehension dawned on his face and he looked super uncomfortable.
The healer laughed, "I'm afraid you'll be hearing more of that, especially in the later stages."
James nodded, looking very out of place. She said, "But not today, let's start shall we?"
I nodded eagerly and James scooted himself closer to the bed. She put the white ball like thing on my stomach and started moving it around. "And there's your baby, there's the head," she moved it slightly, "And the legs and arms." It moved and I smiled slightly.
James held my hand tightly and the healer smiled at us and asked, "Did you want to know the sex?"
James looked at me and I just shrugged. I'll let James decide because I have no idea what I want.
He smiled, "No, it’s okay."
"Are you sure?" I asked.
He nodded, "I'm sure."
"I'll just get your pictures and you can take off the potion now," Hr. Jones said.
I nodded and she handed me some wipes. I wiped the stuff off my stomach and pulled my shirt back down.
James grinned at me and I grinned back. Oh boy, I loved him so much, but I couldn't say it. Why? Most people say it nearly every day, and I can't even say it once?
There was definitely something wrong with me.
The healer returned with the photo. She said, "Everything seems to be going perfectly, have you got any questions?"
I bit my lip slightly, "Yeah, er... I was just wondering if- well... Um, you won't tell anyone about this? I really don't want it to get out, not that I think you will, but-"
She cut me off, "It's okay, I've gotten many questions like this before and I don't think it'll ever stop. But no, here at St Mungos we have a strict confidentiality spell that doesn't allow us to say anything about the patients." She smiled reassuredly.
I felt the weight leave my shoulders, "Thank you. And erm, I was wondering, when does the baby usually kick, because I read in some books it's usually at 18 weeks or something?"
"Well it can vary from 16 to 22 weeks; it really depends on the mothers. A lot of first time mothers feel it near the 18 to 19 week mark, but I think the earliest we've had is about 15 weeks and the latest at about 25 weeks. But you'll probably feel the kicking soon."
She grinned at me again and I smiled back at her, "Thank you."
She opened the door for the both of us, "It’s okay, now I'll probably see you at other appointments, you can schedule them with the welcome witch on the ground floor. Bye, bye!" I smiled and waved her one last time, holding the scan photo.
James walked out with me and asked, "Can I see the photo?"
I nodded and let him take it. He stared at it for a while and finally said, "That's so weird."
"I know it is weird. I mean that little thing has caused such a big change already, what will it be like when it finally comes?" I rattled off.
James nodded and wrapped an arm around me, "Can I ask you something?" I nodded. "Is it just me or does it just look like a random picture of a something with a huge head?"
"Oh thank Merlin; I thought it was only me!" I laughed in relief.
He wiped his forehead, "Phew, I'm not emotionally deprived or anything."
I laughed again, "And this is why I love you."
Time just seemed to slow down. It was like those crappy rom-coms with Chariots of Fire playing and then being abruptly ended with the bad violin stroke or something and everything goes to hell because I said those three words.
I mean, I just said the words. Now he's going to pull his arm off me, turn into a bat, fly into the woods, live with werewolves and vampires and go around eating small animals once a month. All because I said the three words too soon.
Shitballs. He hasn't replied, it's been – I looked around and realised it had been about two seconds since I said the three words.
Huh, it felt like a millennium.
He looked down at me and grinned, "I love you too."
I flushed and looked down, he loves me.
Hey! This is crazy! I've never met you,
But here's my chapter, so leave a review maybe? ;D
I am sooooo sorry about the wait! It's just that I had so much school work, I started a new story (feel free to check it out but I won't mind if you don't :D) and I had crazy writers block :( But next update will hopefully be soon-ish :D
oh and Chariots of Fire is from the movie... Chariots of Fire by Colin Welland and Hugh Hudson from 20th century fox and everything else owned by J.K. Rowling :D