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Chapter 37: Going Crazy
A/N: So close to the ending. 3 chapter left. What do you think about it so far?
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is all J.K. Rowling :D
Chapter 37: Going Crazy
I took a shuddering breath when Lily and Charlotte left the dorm for dinner. I held back tears the best I could.
It’s all my fault Remus and I are over! I just know it! If I hadn’t went off and tried to find out what Remus was hiding we’d still be together!
Breathing became harder.
He was mad at me for not trusting him!
It was all my fault!
It’s Friday. And quidditch practice on Wednesday was horrible! Remus seemed to be making sure that he blocked all my shots at the same time as completely ignoring me! He was driving me crazy!
Worst yet, James refused to believe me when I told him that Remus was trying to make my life miserable! Why does our captain have to be best friends with stinking-Remus-freaking-John-stupid-Lupin?!
Did I go overboard with the mean words that weren’t that mean in between his names?
Na, I didn’t.
THERE I GO AGAIN!
I swear I will not answer my own questions again! Why, because it’s starting to drive me crazy! I don’t know why! It just is! Everything is driving me crazy though! Lily’s constant, “You’re not upset?” ever since practice, Charlotte’s constant glaring at stinking-Remus-freaking-John-stupid-Lupin and stinking-Remus-freaking-John-stupid-Lupin acting all carefree and pretending I'm almost non-existent!
And it irks me that there are girls staring at stinking-Remus-freaking-John-stupid-Lupin. I want to punch them all!
And I'm not really the punching type. Apparently I'm the jealous type though….well you learn something new every day!
Like on Wednesday I learned that Remus is a better keeper than I thought. Which I guess is good for the team…
Well first things first, I should take a shower. I need to free my mind of everything.
Charlotte and Lily brought chocolate with them and then pulled me to the Room of Requirement. They said we’re long overdue for a sleepover. Even though we had a sleep over the whole last week of summer and we happen to sleep in the same dorm. They said that didn’t count, I wonder what they really want…
The room of requirement supplied us with three sleeping bags all in a row. I claimed the middle one. Charlotte and Lily split the chocolate frogs between the three of us. Then Charlotte grabbed the bag she brought and dumped out her nail polish collection, she had at least 20 colours.
“Were doing you nail Liz,” Charlotte took my hand and started painting my nails red.
Lily started painting her toe nails purple. “Liz how are you?” as good as I can be since stinking-Remus-freaking-John-stupid-Lupin broke up with me; which isn’t very well.
Is that getting annoying, me calling Remus stinking-Remus-freaking-John-stupid-Lupin? Oh well, it’s my new name for him.
I gave Lily a nod though. “Lily please don’t say anything about Remus, I really don’t want to think about him!” I'm really trying! Every time I think of him now I feel guilt that it was all my fault.
“Let’s change the subject then,” Charlotte smiled as she started painting my other hand yellow, “How’s quidditch going?”
I sighed deeply, “Not good. It seems Remus won't let me score at all during practice. If he can block all my shots it makes me wonder how good I really am at quidditch.”
“Don’t you dare call yourself a horrible quidditch player!” Lily glared,”
“But Remus blocked all my shots!” I whine. “If he can block all of them how good am I really?
“That doesn’t make you bad at quidditch!” Charlotte argued, “Think of it as a way to improve your already awesome quidditch skills; try to hit Remus in the face next time!”
That didn’t sound like such bad idea, I even smiled a little and I ate a chocolate frog.
“Do you think I can still talk to Remus?” I asked.
Charlotte shook her head, “I think were done talking about Remus! You can find someone much better!”
“Charlotte don’t you dare try and set me up with anyone, I'm still very much in love with Remus!”
“I wasn’t planning to set you up with anyone! I'm just informing you that Remus isn’t the only guy out there!”
“Plus your only 16! You still have your whole life ahead of you.” Lily added
“Yeah, yeah, yeah! I get it! No need for a speech. But I'm not dating anyone yet.”
“And that’s totally understandable.” Charlotte nodded, “We just don’t want you to think you need Remus to survive.”
“I don’t think that.” I assured my friends, “I just wish Remus didn’t hate me!”
“He doesn’t hate you!” Lily argued,
“Yes he does, you should have heard him screaming! Remus never screams! Remus doesn’t ever get angry!”
The two exchanged looks, “You never did tell us about your break up…” Lily hinted.
“Are you still too upset to talk about it?” Charlotte asked, while she picked at a loose string on her sleeping bag.
I shrugged, not wanting them to know how much it upset me to think about it. But I told them, I didn’t want them to think I was shutting them out.
“Liz why didn’t you tell us!” Lily exclaimed as she flung her arms around me,
“Because I knew you would react like this!” I laughed, “And Charlotte please don’t trash talk him!”
Charlotte sighed deeply, “Fine I won't!” I rolled my eyes, “Wait, does this mean revenge is out of the question?”
I had a second chocolate frog and we chatted lightly, avoiding the subject of Remus for the rest of the night.
We stayed up until three in the morning and we slept till noon.
Realizing we never brought a change of clothes we cleaned up our mess and snuck to our common room with the help of passage ways.
I was actually happy for once as we joked the whole way back. Lily gave the fat lady the password and we entered the common room, ignoring everyone inside and making a beeline for the girls’ staircase on the other side of the room.
But of course I ran into someone halfway to the staircase and I fell onto the floor.
“Sorry!” I exclaimed and I looked up at the person that knocked me over. Remus Lupin. Nice, real nice. I felt guilt overwhelm me but I pushed it away and stood up quickly and brushed myself off.
“Right, well I have to go!” and Remus left. Godric that boy is so annoying! What a nice way to treat the girl that’s still very much in love with you!
Why must I be crazy for him! I must be going insane! I wanted to run after him so much! But I knew it would change nothing. I would just have to live with our situation, however much it’s driving me crazy!
Lily and Charlotte each grabbed one of my arms and pulled me the rest of the way to our dorms, thank godric I had such good friends! I might just get through this year as long as I had them!
That night though, after dinner proved how hard it would be to get over Remus even with my great friends.
I walked into the common room with Charlotte and Lily and my eyes fell upon the marauders all sitting by the fire and all laughing. I wanted to badly to be over there, so badly. I felt guilty again. If I hadn’t gone searching for Remus’ Secret then I would have been there leaning on Remus.
But I wasn’t. I was standing across the room and staring stupidly. I couldn’t help but feel like Remus didn’t want me. But Remus couldn’t hate me because I messed up. Yeah I messed up, the worst mistake I ever made. I should have stopped Charlotte. Better yet I should have never told them when the full moon was. If I hadn’t told them we probably wouldn’t have known when any full moon was coming up. We would have spent the rest of the year not sure about what Remus was. Remus might have been planning to tell me this year.
I should have let him tell me, not gone snooping. But sadly I can't change the past, I don’t have time turner for one thing. And maybe that's too far back for a time turner, I wasn’t sure. And if it wasn’t, how would I change it?
It was impossible either way. The past was done and I couldn’t do anything about it. Tough luck, I had my chance with Remus and I blew it. He had fallen in love with me! (I think) and I blew it! Would I be able to fix things so they could go back to the way they once were?
I don’t think I can…I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to calm down a little. When I opened them again Remus was staring into the fire, he seemed sad. I realized that his and my friends had gone upstairs and it was just me and him alone in the common room.
I sighed, a part of me wanted to be alone with him and another part of my wanted to run to my dorm and never come out.
I don’t think Remus noticed me. He was just looking upset, it’s the first time I seen him upset since he screamed at me. He always seemed to be making a show of how happy he was when I was around. Laughing loudly, grinning and enjoying time with his friends.
Now he seemed truly upset, maybe even on the verge of tears.
“Remus.” I said suddenly, I covered my mouth as he looked up at me, “Don’t mind me….I’m just going to stand here stupidly and…pretend I'm not here, you always seem to be doing that anyways…” I started for the girl’s staircase.
“Liz, I'm sorry I yelled at you.” I turned and looked at him, his eyes were emotionless.
“It’s alright.” I shrugged, “It’s your secret it wasn’t my place to snoop.”
“But your right, I should have told you before we started getting serious. And I was intentionally keeping it from you.”
I looked at the floor, “So…does this mean we can get back together?” I asked hopefully. Remus shook his head and looked into the fire,
“No. I don’t think we’ll work out. Were not good for each other,”
“Remus, I don’t care if your over me, but I just want you to know that I'm still in love with you!” and I ran up the stairs before the tears came, and they were coming. I couldn’t hold them back for very long.
But if I had stayed in the common room for a few seconds longer I would have heard Remus say, “I'm nowhere near over you. I'm still very much in love with you too.” but I'm sure he was glad that I never heard that.
Liz came dashing into the room and ran straight for the bed, not bothering to even shut her curtains before letting out the first of many sobs.
One thought came to my mind, Remus. He did this to her! Couldn’t the boy leave her alone!
I looked over at Lily and she knew what I wanted to do. She shook her head and mouthed, ‘tomorrow’. I sighed Lily was right. I couldn’t give Remus a piece of my mind at the moment, now we had a crying Liz to cheer up.
But I swear to Merlin when I get my hands on that boy he’ll wish he never hurt Liz. Just you wait.
A/N: The whole next chapter will be in Charlotte’s point of view. While Liz spends Sunday in her dorm, Charlotte will be sticking up for her friend, and I figured that would be more interesting to read about then Liz wanting to avoid Remus.