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Chapter 1: I Miss You
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or anything in the magical world of Harry Potter. That all belongs to the wonderful JKR!!! I only own the plot.
It's a bit of a sad story.
Black. That’s all she sees.
Black dresses, black trousers, black shoes, black robes. She herself was wearing black; a knee high dress and some black pumps. Simple and plain. But Harry would have liked it. Harry liked everything Ginny wore.
She remembered their wedding day as she walked down the aisle to get married to the man of her dreams. She couldn’t stop smiling. When she reached him, she grabbed his hands in hers and held them tight. He lent forward and whispered in her ear, “You look beautiful, you know that. But that’s no surprise.” She smiled even more at this as a tear rolled down her cheek. They exchanged their vows and shared their first kiss as husband and wife. It was the best moment of her life.
Now she’s here. Alone. Watching as the black moves around her, tears coarse down people’s cheeks and the rain starts to pour outside.
All she wants to do is be with him. Let him hold her in his arms and kiss her lips. But she can’t.
The anger boils at the top, trying to drown the sorrow and the grief and the pain. Tries to block out all other emotion but they always find their way to the surface. The loneliness comes too. It envelopes her day and night, making her whole world dark and painful.
Everybody starts to take their seats. Ginny sits with Ron and Hermione. They each take her hands and squeezes them reassuringly. She looks at them both, so glad to have them with her, to help her get through this, and then her gaze returns to the front.
She tries to keep the tears back. She never liked crying and she was rarely weepy, that was one of the many things Harry had loved about her. But she couldn’t help it, they burst through, cascading down her face. She thought about wiping them away, but there was no point. Why try to pretend she wasn’t upset? Why make it look like her tears were worth nothing? Because they were. All of them were for Harry.
The music starts to play. Tears In Heaven swirls around in her head .
Ginny looks at the black coffin at the front. The black coffin where the man she has loved since she was eleven years old rests. She keeps her eyes fixed on it. Wishing, hoping that somehow there had been a mistake, that he was still alive and he would start banging on the lid at any moment. But she knew, deep down that would never happen. And it didn’t.
The minister starts to talk. She listens for awhile, “We are here to mourn the loss of Harry James Potter. Beloved husband of Ginny Potter, friend to many people, all of whom have gathered here today and son of Lily and James Potter, who both left this world many years ago, but remained in the heart of Harry and I know they are here today.
“Harry’s death was a tragic death. He was so young and so loved. He will be greatly missed...........”
She stops listening after that. She couldn’t bare anyone telling her that his death was tragic and he would be greatly missed. She already knows that. She can already feel it. The invisible dagger in her heart proves in. The tears that never show prove it. The screaming and shouting and kicking and roaring prove it.
“Harry was a great man, he faced many dangers and saved countless lives. He will never be forgotten.......”
Hermione squeezes her hand even tighter and the tears fell thick and fast down her face. Then suddenly, with a jolt, Ginny realised it was time for her speech. Her words of goodbye.
She stands up, wiping away the tears, and walks to the front. There was too much grief for fear to make it’s way in.
When she reaches the front she takes a deep breath and looks around. She was closer to the coffin than she would have liked but it also made her feel closer to Harry. Like he was there supporting her and holding her hand.
She takes another deep breath and begins. Her voice shakes slightly as she starts but she soon regains herself.
“I’ve been in love with Harry ever since I was eleven years old. I suppose you could say it was love at first sight, well with me it was, but Harry never really took much notice of me. I was always his best friend’s little sister and nothing more.” She looks at Ron for a second and sees tears trickling down his cheek. Him and Hermione are holding hands, her mother has her head buried in her husbands shoulder, shaking with tears and Teddy, Harry’s godson, is sitting alone, staring into space, tears welling up in his eyes.
Ginny carries on, “I could never talk in front of him. Anytime he entered the room I was in I would drop whatever I was holding and go as red as my hair.
It wasn’t until I started dating other boys and being myself around him did we become friends. And in his sixth year, my fifth, he started to have feelings for me. Then, after having his detention with professor Snape and me taking his place as seeker in the Quidditch final for that year, he came back to the common room and saw we had won the Quidditch cup. I ran towards him, arms outstretched and he kissed me. The room went silent and when we broke apart, we both looked over at Ron, Harry seeking his “permission.” To be honest, I really didn’t care what Ron thought, but he seemed to think we had his permission and if he withdrew it then we wouldn’t be allowed to go out anymore. But that was a load of nonsense. After that Harry and I went for a walk around the grounds and for a few happy months after that we enjoyed endless breaks and lunch times down by the loch, getting know each other better. But after our headmaster’s death, Harry broke up with me.”
That received a number of gasps from the other mourners. Clearly a lot of them didn’t know that about Harry and Ginny.
The tears start to fall thick and fast now and her voice shakes when she starts to speak again.
“He broke up with me to keep me safe. I saw it coming. I knew he would have to act the brave hero again and wouldn’t be happy unless he was fighting Voldemort. The year I was apart from him was the most painful year of my life. I didn’t know if I would see him ever again and when Hagrid carried his lifeless body out of the forest, my life ended. But not for long. As most of you know he wasn’t really dead, he just pretended he was or he would be dead.
We got married and thought we would live happily ever after but we were wrong. Dead wrong. Because he left. He left me, the world and everyone else. Everyone else that loved and cared for him.
I miss him so much and-” She couldn’t go on. The tears came flowing and she was properly crying now. Loud sobs escape her mouth and her shoulders start to shake. Hermione hurries up to comfort her and stays with her as carries on.
“I miss him so much and I love him. Always have and always will. He was always there for me and he still is, in here.” Ginny rested her hand on her heart. “And I know life still goes on now that he has gone and I’ve got to make the best of it. I will always treasure our memories but I’ll make some more too. He was a chapter in my life. A bloody amazing one! But I have my whole life in front of me and I want it to be good, although I know I will never fall in love again because my heart remains with Harry.
“I love you darling and I miss you. Goodbye.” She whispered the last few words so only Harry could hear.
She finished her speech and let the tears fall free once again. Hermione held her hand as they walked back to their seats.
Ron, Mrs Weasley, Mr Weasley, Hermione and professor McGonagall all gave a speech but Ginny doesn’t hear any of them. Her brain has shut down. All she wants to do is crawl into bed beside her husband and sleep. Sleep and wash away all the sorrow and grief and pain. She wants to wake up in the morning and find it was all a nightmare. She wants to wake up with Harry snoring softly beside her.
If only they had found the cancer earlier. If only they had been able to save him. If only he was still here. If only. If only. If only.......
The ceremony ended. People started to stand up and make there way over to Ginny.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“It was so tragic.”
“He will be greatly missed.”
Ginny tries to smile as they come up to her but she can’t. She just wants to get away. It’s only when a family of three approaches her that she breaks away from her thoughts of Harry and looks at them with surprise. She didn’t think they would come.
The largest one, Harry’s uncle Vernon came forward first and shook Ginny’s hand silently, not uttering a word. And then his aunt and cousin did the same. The all moved away without speaking but Ginny was to tired to dwell on the matter.
Teddy came over to her, tears still in his eyes. She scooped him up and held him tight, never wanting to let go. “Will you chuck me out?” he whispered.
“No of course not sweetie, you’re all I have left and you’re like a son to me.”
The stayed like that for a moment until Hermione and Ron came over, guiding her out of the church, towards a black car waiting for them.
They drove, Ginny not knowing or caring where they were going. They arrived at the burrow and that’s when she remembered they were all gathering there after the ceremony. They got out the car. Teddy clutched Ginny’s hand as they walked towards the front door.
A lot of people had already arrived and Ginny felt to crowded. As she made her way through the house towards the back door she was stopped by everybody coming up to her again and saying,
“I’m so sorry.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“It was so tragic.”
“He will be greatly missed.”
This time she didn’t even try to smile. She pushed passed them all, tears cascading down her face. Her breathing became ragged and heavy but she managed to get out of the house to the fresh air in the garden.
She sat down on the bench, her head in her hands.
She felt Harry’s presence and heard him whisper like the wind, I love you, but it’s time to let me go. I know it’s hard and I know the pain you are feeling but you have your whole life in front of you. Don’t throw it away......
And then he was gone and Ginny was left alone. Again. To drown in her sorrow.
She lifted her head from her hands, her eyes were red and puffy and her hair fell over her face, greasy and dead. Fresh tears glistened on her face and as she spoke her voice was hoarse and no more than a whisper,
“It’s time to let you go. I’ll never forget you, never in a million years. I love you Harry Potter and I know you love me too. Goodbye.....”
A/N Please R&R!! Your coments are lovely and they always make my day!!!!