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Chapter 5: Five Week Breakdown
"Come on, Spencer."
"At least think about it for a moment."
Nik gave me his most pleading look. "Come, on, let Hermione come with you girls to pick out dresses."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because she's already been through all of this, and she could be some help. Not mention...I already said she could come." He muttered.
"You what?" I asked.
"Well, when I said she could come, I was hoping you would be a lot more reasonable than you're actually being right now." He explained.
"We're getting married in five weeks, I don't have to be reasonable. What I have to do is find a wedding dress, pick out the cake, pick out decent looking bridesmaid dresses, find shoes that aren't going to kill my feet, and manage the idiots that others call Quidditch players. Being reasonable isn't on my list of things to do." I said quickly all in one breath.
"Is making me happy?" Nikolas asked.
I rolled my eyes. "I suppose so."
"Then let her come." He said.
"Fine." I said. "But one smart arse remark, and she's gone."
"Thanks." Nik said, kissing me. "Just think in five weeks, we'll be married, and tied down to eachother forever."
"I know." I sighed happily. "I can't wait."
"You say that now, but once it happens, you'll be begging me for a divorce." He joked.
"Oh, ha ha." I said sarcastically.
"Pansy sent out the wedding invitations, right?" Nik asked.
"Yeah, last week. She is truly the best Maid of Honor, she hasn't screwed up once. How's Draco doing?"
"Pretty good, actually. Though I suspect Pansy is doing some of his work for him."
"At least it's getting done somehow, huh?" I grinned.
"So," Nik said pulling me closer. "How much time do you have before you have to go? This is the most alone time we've had in ages."
I smiled. "About fifteen minutes."
"Just enough time." He whispered, as we fell on the couch.
"You're late." Pansy said.
"It's my wedding dress search, I'm allowed to be late." I said adjusting my hair.
"Question." Pansy said.
"What?" I asked.
"Why is Granger here?" She asked.
I looked around and spotted Granger looking through the clothes on the racks.
"Nik invited her." I said. "He thought she might be some help."
Pansy rolled her eyes in response just as Granger was approaching us.
"Thanks for letting me come along." Granger said, forcing a smile on her face.
"No problem." I said, also forcing a smile.
"I hope I can be of some help." She said.
"I'm sure you will be." I lied.
Half an hour later, I still had no luck finding a dress. They were either too ruffly or big, or just down right ugly. So, instead I had the girls try on some dresses, hoping at least get the Bridesmaid dilemma done with.
Granger sat next to me, as I waited for the girls as they tried on multiple dresses. She only gave her opinion when asked.
"So are you excited for the wedding?" She asked.
"Very." I answered, unable to keep the smile off my face.
"Where's the honeymoon going to be?"
"We're going to spend a month in Australia." I said.
"That sounds nice." She said. "I'm guessing it won't be your first time on your honeymoon?"
"You mean like sex?" I asked. She nodded. I laughed. "Definitely not. Nik and I have been sleeping together for five years. And even before that, you know."
"Oh, yeah I get it. Ron wasn't my first either." Granger shared. "But I'll never forget my first. You might find this awkward, but Nikolas was my first."
I just stared at her. She must be crazy. There's no way Nik was her first. "Um, I think you're mistaken." I said. "I was Nik's first."
"I know." She said. "I never said I was his first. But he was mine."
"But he couldn't have been. He's only ever been with me. You must have been hallucinating." I said.
"I'm not." She insisted. "I remember the day, November 22nd, in our seventh year."
Everything suddenly stopped. November 22nd was the day that Nik told me he loved me for the first time. But Granger claimed they had sex that very day.
"No, it can't be." I whispered.
"Oh, but it is. Didn't Nikolas ever tell you?" Her voice was mocking. That stupid bitch! She had told me this knowing damn well that I didn't know.
I looked up at her. A smirk was on her face, but I could tell she wasn't lying. Which meant that Nik cheated on me the same day he said he loved me. He'd been lying to me for four and a half years.
Before I could stop myself, I balled my fist up, and hit Granger in the face just like I had the day I got back with Nik. She fell out of her chair, on to the floor.
"Bitch!" I spat at her. I then apparated out of that place.
Then I was in mine and Nik's flat. Our home. He wasn't there. I looked around, everything was exactly how it was when I left it. There was no evidence of Nik cheating and his lies. It was as though everything was the same as before. But it's not, everything has changed.
The tears filled up in my eyes, as I struggled to keep them down, but I couldn't. I was sobbing. When had my life with Nik become a huge lie? I never once doubted my relationship with Nik for a second, and now, I doubted everything about it. What else had he lied about?
I closed my eyes, hoping when I opened them, this would all be a dream. Yeah, right. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand to look at our living room. It was a lie. All around it there was pictures of me and Nik, smiling happily. That was before I knew, of course.
There was our couch we bought together. Our beautiful glass coffee table, gifts from over the years, the newspaper, books we read together. A wooden stand with four shelves, filled with so many of our possessions. All of it was a trick, a lie.
I walked into our bedroom, as though I was possessed, and grabbed Nik's broomstick. I walked back into the living room, and stood there for a moment. I lifted the broom above my head, and smashed it down on the coffee table. Glass flew everywhere, some of it cutting my arms, but I didn't care. I smashed the table until all the glass was broken.
I walked over to the wooden stand, and smashed everything on there too. Things landed all over the floor, some managed to stay in one piece, but most ended up shattered into tiny pieces. I hit his broomstick hard on the stand, cracking it. I hit it until it fully broke. I threw it to the ground.
I picked up a large piece of broken glass, and dragged it across our couch, ripping the fabric, revealing only the stuffing. Hot tears continued to roll down my face. I angrily wiped them away as I abandoned the piece of glass, and grabbed the books, ripping pages out of them, and then throwing them hard in different directions.
All that was left was the pictures. I picked up every single one, and threw them against the wall, just listening to glass shatter, and the thump sound of the frame hitting the floor. When I was done, I collapsed in the middle of the room, feeling so drained, and like everything else in the room, broken.
How long had it been since I'd blacked out? How long did I lie on the floor in the middle of the destruction I had caused? I didn't know.
What I did know was that the door was opening. "Spencer, can you explain to me why you hit Hermione in the face and why-what the hell?" Nik had walked into the broken room.
"Are you okay? Were we robbed?" His voice was panicked as he lifted me up.
"No." I said blankly.
"T-then who did this?"
"Why?" Nik asked.
The tears were coming back. "Because you slept with her." I cried.
He looked confused. "Who? I didn't sleep with anyone. I didn't cheat on you."
"Liar!" I screamed pushing him away. "Granger told me what happened in seventh year. How could you do that?"
Realization came across his face. "Spencer you have to listen to me, what happened, it meant nothing, I swear."
"The same day you told me you loved me, Nik. The same fucking day and you slept with her!"
"I know, Spencer, babe, just-"
"Don't 'babe' me right now." I said quietly. "Don't you dare."
"Just let me explain." Nik pleaded.
"You can explain all you want, but that won't change that you cheated on me, and you lied to me for four and a half years." I said shaking my head.
"You have to understand-"
"There's nothing you can say to make me understand how you told me you tell me you love me,and then later that day you have sex with her. And then the next day-" I had come to my own realization. "That's the reason you broke up with me, isn't it? Because of her?"
"Please don't lie to me." I whispered, wiping my face.
He sighed. "Yes. I-I was confused and I was going to tell you, but I figured you'd dump me when I did, so I just..."
"Decided to dump me first." I finished. "Were you ever going to tell me?"
Nik opened his mouth and then closed it. "No." He said honestly. "I couldn't risk losing you again."
"How's that working out for you, Nik?" I asked. He didn't answer. "I can't believe this."
"Spencer, this doesn't change anything. I'm still in love with you." He said.
"Nikolas, this changes everything!" I exclaimed.
"But not us."
"That's what it changes the most. You cheated and you lied. Now I have to rethink everything, I'm doubting everything about our relationship. I have seconds thoughts about everything. What you've said, what we've done together...us getting married." I said quietly, not believing I was actually saying it.
Nikolas looked like he was on the verge of tears. "Spencer, you can't seriously be thinking about calling off the marriage. You can't." He said desperately.
I closed my eyes. "I have to think about that. How am I supposed to spend the rest of my life with someone I can't trust?" I asked.
He swallowed hard. "W-we can maybe figure something out. Please don't call off the wedding." Now he was crying, and it was killing me.
"I'm sorry, but I have to consider it." I said. "I can't spend my life wondering if everything you say to me is a lie or not. I can't, Nikolas, and I don't want to." I was trying to blink back tears, but it wasn't working.
"What do you want?" He choked. "What do want? Just tell me what you want, and I'll give it to you. I'll do whatever you want. Please don't do this."
"You know what I want? For you to have never lied to me." I replied.
Nik put his hands over his tear stained face. "Spencer, please." He cried,dropping to his knees. "I'm begging you, don't leave me. I need you, please." He wrapped his arms around my waist.
I had never seen him like this. I tried to unwrap his arms from around me, but he only held on tighter. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Just let me explain!" His tears we making my shirt damp.
"No." I said hoarsely. "I can't do this right now. I-I need time to think and just space. I need to be alone. Let me go."
"No." He whispered. "I can't."
"Nik, please. I need to think this through." I said, crying harder.
"I can't lose you."
"You will if you don't let go." I whispered. His arms dropped, and I backed away.
"Spencer, don't leave me like this." Nik begged.
"Please don't follow me." I said grabbing my purse and going out the door. I stopped and listened. Nik was still crying. I heard him get up.
"Spencer? Spencer, come back!" He was coming.
I had apparated before he opened the door.