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Chapter 14: Being Sorry
I had decided to cancel my plans with Blaise. I didn't want Draco to think I was keeping things from him, and he said he really wanted to be with me tonight, so my choice was clear.
Blaise was a little upset, but he said we could talk about whatever it was another time
So, after dinner, I went to the Room of Requirement,thinking Draco would be there. He wasn't. I waited five minutes, he didn't show. Ten minutes, no sign of him.
An hour and a half later, when I was reduced to reading because I was so bored, Draco finally walked in.
"Hey." I said.
"Hey." He replied. His voice was hollow and he was very pale.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing, I don't feel so well." He answered.
"Oh, well then we should go straight to bed." I said, pulling the covers back.
"No." He said. "I don't want to."
"What do you want then?" I asked, confused.
"You." Draco answered. "I-I just want to make love to you."
"But Draco, if you don't feel well we shouldn't-"
Draco kissed me, interupting me. He kissed me so hard, it hurt a little.
He laid me gently on the bed, crawling on top of me. His hand pushed my shirt up my stomache. "Please let me make love to you." He whispered desperately.
There was no way I could say no. "Okay." I whispered. Every movement and sound made was so much more different than any other time. It didn't seem like Draco wanted to make love, it was as if he needed to make love, like it was the one thing that had to happen tonight.
There was so much passion and desperation, it was as though it would be our last time together like this.
The next morning I woke up alone. I got out of bed, thinking about the night before. It was the best sex we had ever had. I wondered if we could top it tonight.
I got in the shower, and then got dressed, ready for my day at Hogsmeade with Draco. I walked out of the Room of Requirement to see Draco coming towards me. He still didn't look very well.
"Morning!" I said brightly as I kissed him.
"Morning." He mumbled.
"So, I was thinking we'd have lunch at The Three Broomsticks. And we have to go to Zonkos-"
"Jo." He said interupting me.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"W-we have to s-stop sneaking around." He stuttered.
"You want to tell everyone about us?" I asked surprised.
"I didn't mean-that's not what I meant...what I'm trying to say is...we can't be together anymore."
"What do you mean? I-I don't understand." I said, suddenly breathing heavily.
"I'm breaking up with you." He said in his hollow voice.
My throat felt like it was closing up. I couldn't breathe. "Why?" I managed to choke out.
"Um, it's Pansy. I'm getting back with her." He replied.
"Why?!" I repeated. "Is it because she's prettier than me? Or smarter, or more fun? Is she better kisser, or better at sex? What is it?!" Apparently being broken up with brings out my insecurities.
"I uh...I still love her." Draco avoided eye contact.
"Bullshit!" I yelled. "That can't be true after everything between us!"
"It is true." He said. "Last night we were talking, and things, well they got kind of intense, and one thing lead to another and...we had sex."
The tears filling my eyes started spilling down my face. "No." I said. "That can't be, you were with me last-" I remembered him showing up late. "You had sex with her before you came here and made love to me?!" I screamed.
Draco flinched a little. "Yes. But I didn't mean to. I couldn't control myself."
"I'd rather not hear about your uncontrollable attraction to her." I said.
"I'm so sorry, Jo, I never intended for this to happen." He said guiltily.
"What, you never intended of falling out of love with me in one night?!" I asked.
"No, I never meant to hurt you. That's the last thing I wanted to do." He said regretfully.
"You should have thought about that before you cheated on me!" I said wishing the tears would stop falling, but that didn't seem likely.
"Please, Jo, I'm sorry." Draco pleaded.
"You're sorry?!" I shouted. "No, I'm sorry! I'm sorry I let myself trust you!"
"Will you just-"
"No!" I said. "I won't do anything! You know what I don't understand? Why you persued this relationship. Why did you pretend to love me?" I asked.
"I wasn't pretending! I do love you." He insisted.
"But you love her more?!"
He didn't answer. He looked as though he was going to be sick. I hoped he would be. He deserved it. After everything he told me, he said he wanted this forever. Now, after only two months, it's over.
"Please don't be mad." He begged. "Don't hate me."
"Forgive me for being just a little pissed that forever is over in two months. Do you remember when you said you wanted this forever? Was that a lie?" I asked coldly.
Draco shook his head. "I'm sorry." He whispered. I shook my head, so angry with him. But not only that, I was heart broken. I thought about what Ron said about Draco that first time we talked. He was so right.
"You're not sorry." I said. "To be sorry, you'd have feelings and be human. But you're not even human, Draco. You're just the lovliest idea of one. You don't care about anything or anyone but yourself."
"No." He cried. "Don't say that please." He reached out for me, and I backed away.
"Don't touch me." I said. "Never touch me again." My voice broke.
"I'm so so sorry." He choked out.
"I'm sorry I ever loved you." I said before turning and running away. He calls for me, but I keep running, trying to block out his voice.
I don't exactly know where I'm going as I run, but my body does. I stop in an empty hallway, and I'm surprised to see him here. His red hair is visible from the other side where I am. His head is in his hands.
I walk slowly over to him,stopping in front of him. He looks up, he realizes it's me and that I'm crying.
"Jolina, what's wrong?" He asked alarmed.
I shook my head, unable to answer. I had completely lost it by now. He wrapped his arms around me, comforting me. Then we were walking. I had no idea where, I just let him lead me.
Before I know it, I'm back in the Room of Requirement, sitting on a couch, crying my eyes out. Twenty minutes later, I'm sniffing, with tissued scattered all around me, having just told Ron everything.
"Oh, Jolina I'm sorry." He said.
"I feel so disgusting and used." I cried. "I thought he really loved me. But it was all a lie." Then I realized that Ron was here with me instead of in Hogsmeade with Granger.
"What happened to you and Granger?" I asked.
He sighed. "I got some bad news of my own this morning." He said. "Hermione and Harry are together."
"What?!" I asked.
"They've been together for awhile, they just didn't know how to tell me. They decided today was a great time to tell me though." Ron sounded so sad. "I thought me and Hermione had something special, but I guess it's always been Harry."
I shook my head, not knowing what to say to comfort him. "Today is the worst day of my life." I said.
"Join the club." Ron said. "We've got T-shirts."
Ron and I had decided we were not going to sulk over Draco and Granger. So we got ourselves some firewhiskey and chocolate, and celebrated our sadness.
"You wanna know somethin' Jolina?" Ron slurred. "Th-they don't deserve us! We we're too good for them."
My drunk high pitched laugh echoed through the room. "You so right, Ron! Wh-who needs 'em?!" I shouted.
"Not me!" He exclaimed.
"Me either." I said.
"Hey, Jolina." Ron said.
"What?" I hiccuped
"Nothin'." He chuckled.
"Oh. Hehe. Hey Ron?" I asked.
"Yeah?" He asked.
"D-don't call me Jolina anymore. It has 'Jo' in it, and that reminds me of him. C-call me something else."
"Uhh, okay." He thought for a moment. "How about Lina? That's pretty."
"Oooh, Lina. I like that!" I smiled.
"Good." He said smiling back.
We spent the whole day there, wallowing in self pity. And shouting incoherent things. Ron looked down at his watch.
"Lina, we should go eat dinner." He said as he struggled to find his balance as he stood.
"I'm already eating." I said shoving another piece of chocolate in my mouth.
"We need real food, silly!" He said.
A goblet appeared on the table, Ron took a long drink from it. Suddenly, he was sober as he was this morning. "Your turn, Lina." He said walking over to me.
"No." I said as he reached me. He tried to force it in my mouth, and I pushed it away, spilling some on the ground.
"Lina!" Ron said. "Just take a sip."
"No." I whined. He tackled me to the floor, careful not to spill the little what was still in the goblet. I tried fighting him off, but I was drunk and he was sober. Guess who won that fight.
Finally, he had me pinned down, forcing the liquid in my mouth. "Mmm, that tastes good." I said.
He rolled his eyes, and got off of me. I got up too, only slightly more sober. I had spilled most of it on the ground.
"Now let's go." He said.
"No!" I groaned. But he grabbed my hand and dragged me to the Great Hall. "I don't want to go!" I said when we were in front of the doors.
"Come on. The only way to get over Malfoy is to face him. Remember we said he wasn't good enough? Go in there and prove it."
I sighed, hating him for being right. "Okay."
"I'd walk in with you, but you know I can't..." He said.
"I know." I said. "Am I going first?"
"Yes. I don't trust you to go last. I know how you are." Ron smiled.
I smiled back, and pushed the door open, walking in. I made my way to the Slytherin table, sitting across from Pansy and Draco. I managed to swallow my tears at the sight of them together again.
"Jolina, where have you been?" Pansy asked.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." I said.
She shrugged. "I might." What the hell does that mean?
"So, you didn't go to Hogsmeade?" Blaise asked.
"Nope." I said.
"That's weird. Neither did Weasley." Pansy said.
"Which one?" I asked, of course knowing.
"Ronald." She answered.
I giggled, and then hiccuped. "That is weird!"
Draco looked at me for the first time. "Jo, are you drunk?!" He asked.
"No." I said. They all stared at me. "Okay, yes. But not as drunk as I was five minutes ago."
"Why were you drinking?" Draco demanded.
"Wouldn't you like to know." I spat at him.
He looked hurt and guilty. Excellent.
"Well, in your absence, Draco and I got back together!" Pansy said kissing his cheek. The same cheek I'd kissed so many times.
"Isn't that lovely!" I said in fake happiness that everyone but Pansy caught on to.
Draco avoided eye contact with me, looking uncomfortable and uneasy, like he knew a secret. Blaise cleared his throat awkwardly, and then gave me a sympathetic look. Right now apart of me wished I had met with him, instead of making love to Draco.
"I know!" Pansy squealed, oblivious to everything. She had no idea that she had once again taken what was mine. The only thing I had ever truly wanted. My heart was shattered because of her. But I couldn't even hate her, because she didn't know.
"I'm happy for you guys." I said, letting my fake happiness falter. Too bad I didn't mean it one bit.
A few weeks passed, and I still couldn't make myself happy for them. I couldn't make myself happy for anything actually. I also couldn't fall out of love with Draco, no matter how much I saw him with Pansy. The only time I smiled anymore was with Ron.
"I wish there was a way I could get Draco back." I said.
"You actually want him back after that?" Ron asked.
"I mean get him back, like revenge." I clarified, although, honestly I still wanted to be with him.
"Now you're talking." He said.
"But how do I do it?" I asked.
Ron thought for a moment. "Okay, think about it. What's the one thing you've never done in a relationship?"
"Um, I don't know..."
"Made it last more than two weeks." Ron said. "So you start dating a guy, and make it last more than two weeks, Malfoy is sure to be pissed."
"But I already last more than two weeks with Draco." I pointed out.
"Yes, but who actually knows that?" He asked, a sly grin spreading across his face.
"No one." I answered, laughing. "Oh, Ron this is perfect. Now all I need is the perfect guy."
"It needs to be someone who knows about the plan, who's willing to be used for the greater good."
No one came to mind...except...
I looked at Ron. "What?" He asked. I raised my eyebrows. "No." He said.
"Please!" I said. "You can get back at Granger and Potter with this. They hate me, it will piss them off to no end. Please."
He looked at me for a second thinking it over. I pouted. "All right, fine." He said.
"Thank you!" I exclaimed, hugging him.
"I believe you have to ask me something." Ron said, smirking.
I rolled my eyes. "Ron, will you be my boyfriend?" I asked.
"Why,yes, Lina, I would love to."
Things are going to get interesting...
A/N: So it's over between Jo and Draco. Please don't hate me. Hate Pansy. How will Draco handle Jo and Ron being "together"? You'll find out. Thanks for reading! :)