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Chapter 3: Undoubtedly Stupid
A/N I don't own Harry Potter, believe it or not.
“This is dumb this is dumb this is so, so dumb,” I sang to myself, walking down the corridors as a rather gorgeous Ravenclaw walked beside me, studying the map closely.
“Shut up!” s/he hissed.
Oh yeah, it’s still Lily in there.
You see, Miss Potter thought the best way of getting into the Slytherin common room undetected was concealment. Miss Potter, however, hadn’t enough Polyjuice Potion for both of us and so I’m going to have to bluff it.
The guy she’d flirted with the get the hair was knocked out with a Sleeping Drought and shoved into a broomstick cupboard, and Lily vaguely said something about waking up after a few hours.
The ‘vague’ part is what I was concerned about, seeing as when she was ‘vague’ it generally means shit is going down, and while I don’t mind ‘shit going down’, my main concern is that that kind of plan usually involves improvisation.
Improvisation = bad.
“Look, Lily, can’t we come back some other time?” I begged, staring at the brass eagle knocker.
“No,” she said simply, a crazy smirk on her face.
I despair at her, I really do.
“What is everything to someone, and nothing to anyone else?” the knocker asked gently, and I smiled.
I’m no Ravenclaw, but I’m pretty good at riddles.
Boy Lily raised an eyebrow. “Your mum.”
“Darling, that’s not going to get us in,” I said breezily.
“Well, if you’re so clever, you answer it!”
I stepped forward. “Your mind and sanity.”
The knocker nodded, and Lily stuck her tongue out at me, stumbling past to get in first.
Plan: Eliana creates distraction, Lily gets the cloak.
Reality: see above, but reverse roles.
The moment I’d joined Lily in the (nice, but a bit tame for my tastes) Ravenclaw common room, I ran past her and sprinted for the stairs.
Leaping up the stairs, I knew I had roughly four seconds until she touched the stairs, I leapt forward and grabbed the door handle of the seventh year’s dormitory. It was just in time, because the next second the stairs became a slide.
She’s actually dumb enough to forget she’s a boy. Smart cookies.
Actually, cookies are quite nice when dipped in Butterbeer. Just sayin’.
“YOU BITCH!” she screamed upwards, and I knew she was creating the perfect diversion.
“Thanks kid!” I called back, and hauled myself into the room and slammed the door shut.
It was odd for a moment. The room looked empty, but I could definitely hear a girl giggling and a boy whispering. I scanned the room, and realised there were two people under the covers.
Oh, they hadn’t noticed me.
Okay, I could get away with this...
How had they not noticed me?
I crept forwards (it just so happens that Dom’s bed is the nearest to the door, fortunately) and eased up her mattress.
Slowly, I let the mattress sink down and hastily pulled the cloak over me.
She was giggling again.
God, stop giggling you ditzy Ravenclaw.
“James, we could get caught,” she whispered.
OH. MY. GOD.
JAMES POTTER AND A RAVENCLAW?!
ARGH MAJOR DEVELOPMENTS!
“Shush,” he growled, and she squealed.
Okay, this is pretty gross. I want to go now.
“No, James, seriously, all my mates are already suspicious-“
I was edging to the door when the girl, hair mussed up and shirt unbuttoned at the top, emerged from under the duvet. I mouthed several swearwords. How was I supposed to get out when they could see the door open?
“-and I don’t want them asking why I didn’t go to Hogsmeade with Ryan Walters when he asked me out the other day.”
He escaped the covers too, and frowned. “Then why don’t you just tell them, then?”
I shouldn’t be here, oh Merlin, this is private, I definitely shouldn’t be here.
She bit her lip. “Look, James, I really like you, but you’re...”
“You’re James Potter!” she said exasperatedly. “None of my friends like you, they know your reputation-“
“Any reputation I have is completely unfounded,” he said, and I could hear a tone of bitterness in his voice. His jaw was tight and twitching.
“They’ll think I’m mad for dating you,” she said sadly. “I don’t want to lose my mates, James.”
“Chelsea, I want to be able to introduce you as my girlfriend, not snog you at random moments in broom cupboards whenever it’s certain no one will catch us.”
I was really tempted to just bolt for it.
She hesitated, and bit her lip. “But am I just another shag, James?”
His jaw dropped open, then his eyes narrowed and took a step forwards, glaring menacingly. “Number one, Edwards, we haven’t shagged and for three months we’ve been secretly dating at your request. Number two, I’m a virgin and the one time I came close to it I was really drunk and she was seducing me. Number three, if you were any kind of Ravenclaw you’d realise that I love you and I don’t want sex if you’re not ready. Lastly, don’t bother coming to the Halloween party tonight because we’re over.”
He turned on his heel, eyes blazing, and pulled the door open so hard it slammed into the wall we could hear the whole common room silence, and Chelsea and I jumped in fright.
She had tears pouring down her face.
“James!” she called, stumbling after him. “JAMES, WAIT!”
Until I was completely alone, I was shocked into place.
When I finally moved, my first thought was:
So... can I leave now?
The moment we got back to the common room, Lily (in her usual gingeriness; the Polyjuice Potion having worn off) and I rushed up to his dormitory. It appeared that Lily had completely forgotten the cloak the moment I’d told her what happened.
As we rushed up, Al held his arm out to stop us.
“Don’t,” he said in a low voice. “Something’s really wrong; he just jinxed me when I asked what was up. I wouldn’t bother if I were you.”
Lily shrugged and shoved him out of the way. I smiled apologetically at him before rushing after her.
The guy just dumped someone, Lily; tact would be a gift right now.
As I caught up with her, I realised she’d disarmed him.
“James, calm down,” I said softly, squeezing past her and approaching his bed, which he had clearly just jumped out of.
“Give me my wand, Lily,” he glared, ignoring me.
“No,” she said bluntly. “You tried to hex me, so I took your wand. That’s the deal.”
His lip twitched.
I put a hand on his shoulder (I couldn’t reach his face without looking stupid), and guided him back to his bed where we sat, side by side.
Lily and I had decided to pretend to know nothing.
“You know... Chelsea Edwards, the seventh year Ravenclaw? She plays as chaser in their team.”
I nodded. “Blonde, smart, gorgeous; yes.”
“Well, I’ve been dating her for three months.”
We stayed silent.
“Aren’t you surprised?” he asked after a moment, looking from one to the other of us. Lily sat on his other side.
“Course not,” she snorted. “I saw you going into the Potion’s storeroom last week. There wasn’t so much potion ingredient hunting going on as there was snogging.”
He smiled slightly.
“Yeah, well, she’s a bitch.”
We both paused.
“She doesn’t- didn’t- want anyone to know we were dating, because I have an untrue reputation as a player. She doesn’t want her friends to know. And I just dumped her.”
“She sounds like a crap girlfriend,” I told him after a moment. “I’d just get really pissed tonight and snog as many girls as you can. Preferably when they’re drunk too.”
He grinned slightly. “Sounds like a plan, kid.”
Lily glared at me. “You could be mature, you know. Actually attempt to repair the relationship, or get over her in a smart way.”
James ruffled her hair.
“Lilster, you may be related to me by blood, but Ellie-Belly has the right idea. Drinking, snogging and a party seems like an epic idea.”
Smirking, I nudged him. “Plus a surprise Lily and I have planned.”
“Yup,” Lily grinned.
“What kind of surprise?”
“You’ll be proud of us,” I said breezily, standing up and kissing him on the cheek. “See you later, yeah?”
He grabbed my hand, and yanked Lily back down to sit next to him.
“You’re not going to get in trouble, are you?”
“Nope, but you probably are,” she grinned, and pulled away. “C’ya laters, bro!”
We were sitting in the hall, the feast looking absolutely gorgeous.
Tasted quite nice, too.
Al, James, me, Lily, Scorpius (Malfoy) and Roxanne (Lily’s cousin, and Fred’s sister) were all sitting together, with various other friends with us as well. Al was on my left, chatting away to Scorpius, Roxanne and Lily opposite gossiping like Rita Skeeter, and James was wedged next to me. He was stirring the treacle tart around on his plate slowly, not paying attention.
So I dunked his face in it.
Unfortunately, treacle tart isn’t sticky or messy, but it got his attention.
“Hi. Alive now, are you?”
He grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, well, she’s just...”
I saw where he had been looking. A red-eyed Chelsea was watching him.
“No problem, squirt.”
“Look, you’re just abnormally tall, okay? Piss off.”
“Hate to burst your bubble, but I’m nothing like you.”
“Eh. Suppose that’s your loss.”
I poked him in the ribs, but smiled. He’d be okay.
Shit. Lily had seen Chelsea looking.
“Piss off, you loser. James deserves better than you.”
While Lily means well, that’s not at all the right thing to say.
James reached over and tried to clot her round the head, at the same time as apologizing to Chelsea.
“Sorry, she’s a bit mean sometimes. Lily, shut up!”
“She’s a bitch,” Lily said flatly, glaring across.
Chelsea burst into tears.
Whoops. Damage control.
I pulled James back into to his seat, and kicked Lily hard in the shin as Chelsea began to run out of the hall. Telling James to stay, I fell out of my seat (there was no other way to do it, really), leapt to my feet and sprinted after her. I caught up with her at the bottom of the stairs.
“Chelsea!” I panted, and she stopped.
“What?” she sobbed.
“Look, James won’t forgive what you said, so Lily certainly won’t. She’s just not as graceful as James when she’s pissed.”
She looked me up and down. “What would you know?”
“I pretty much spend all my time with them,” I shrugged. “If I were you, I’d keep away for a while. Lily’s just mad and will get over it, but James is really hurt. I’m asking that, if you really care about him, you’ll leave him alone. He needs time to heal, and I know you do too.”
She stared at me. “Who are you to tell me what to do?”
“Eliana,” I said slowly. “Anyway, back off or I’ll let Lily do whatever she’s planning, okay?”
“But I love him. I can’t-“
“If you really loved him, you wouldn’t care what other people think.”
I turned on my heel, and waltzed back into the hall.
Lily grinned as the Slytherins choked and retched. Their poisoned (I exaggerate, but only mildly) food had arrived.
“Lily,” whined Al. “You promised you wouldn’t get detention.”
“I won’t,” she said smugly.
Professor Thomas, or Dean in the holidays, frowned suspiciously at our table, but turned his eyes to the Hufflepuff table where several girls were laughing uproariously as the Slytherins gagged on their food.
Lily bit into a chocolate frog, put it on her plate, and clapped abruptly. We turned to stare at her, but didn’t have time as several loud bangs issued from above us, and there were a few screams as all the pumpkins suspended above us (yes, I mean ALL eighty of them) exploded in a shower of fireworks.
I got up with Lily and whooped, and soon the whole school was cheering and watching them with fascination as they began to form words, amazing shapes and colours surrounding us.
James Potter, they began to say, is beyond awesome. He is the greatest thing this school has seen, with the exception of Lily. And Al, okay. And yeah, dad was pretty cool too. Okay, yeah, most people here are ace. YAY FOR HOGWARTS!
Everyone laughed, and turned to James, who acknowledged his applause gracefully, standing on the table and bowing elaborately.
“Mr. Potter,” Professor Thomas called, and the room instantly silenced. Well, silent as a room that was full of rockets and Katherine wheels can get. “Ten points to Gryffindor. Very reminiscent of my fifth year,” he noted, smiling.
“Bollocks,” muttered Lily, as whole of Gryffindor cheered for him, and James grinned.
“What, you did that?” he asked, still watching the fireworks in amusement.
“Me and Ellie,” she sighed. “Eh, I’ll get you in detention one day, James. I promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that, sister,” he smirked, putting an arm around me and grabbing his squashed treacle tart. “TO THE COMMON ROOM!”
“Ellie, are you coming to the party?”
I grinned and nodded.
“Then why are you dressed as a ninja?”
“We used it last year. I’m just recycling my outfit,” I shrugged, “I can’t be arsed finding anything else.”
Grabbing my arm, she was muttering under her breath, and I heard snippets such as ‘not my best friend’ and ‘stupid sodding idiot’ and even ‘won’t get any snogging’.
“Lily, I don’t really care what I-“
Yes, her protruding eyes scared me a little. So I sat.
“You’re going as a muggle.”
I snorted. “Lily, that’s so unoriginal I might just-“
“Fine, a muggle prostitute. Happy?”
I’d managed to convince her to change the whole outfit, and let me be a ‘beach babe’ (flip flops, teeny shorts, a tank top and oversize sunglasses) but she absolutely loves doing hair and makeup, so I let her loose on me.
I wanted to tame my curly and out of control blonde hair, but she’d applied a bit of the shiny stuff I got earlier in the day and messed it around a little, and declared it to be ‘done’.
“How’s that ‘done’?” I asked incredulously, looking at it. “it’s practically the same.”
“Yes, but your hair is already so beach-babe, I didn’t want to ruin it,” she told me, turning to my makeup.
The way she applied the foundation made it so that I could barely feel it there, but when I looked in the mirror it was as though she’d airbrushed (that’s another muggle thing) me. She did dramatic and bold blues and greens around my grey eyes (I had my mum’s eyes) and put a small amount of lip balm on.
“It’s a bit... over the top, isn’t it?” I asked, frowning.
“That’s the point,” she said, studying me closely. “You look great.”
She squeezed into her outfit, and I knew her brothers wouldn’t be the slightest bit impressed. It was a leotard in bright red leather, over fishnet tights and with red heels and lipstick. She had her long coppery hair in loose waves, but twisted it into a messy bun and put devil horns on.
“Ta dah!” she grinned.
Kat and Sammy, two of our roommates, were getting ready in equally slutty outfits when we heard the first beats of music.
“It’s starting!” Lily and I squealed, and we checked our makeup quickly and rushed down.
As it appeared, most of the Gryffindors allowed had turned up (with the presence of so much alcohol, it had been decided long ago that anyone younger than fifth year shouldn’t be present, unless escorted at all times by a sober, older relative) and some from the other houses, too. At parties like this, Lily and I usually chose to stick together, so I grabbed her hand and headed to the drink’s table where a zombie, a pirate and a muggle soldier (Fred, James and Al) were.
“Hey kids!” Fred said, hugging us both.
“Hi Freddy!” I smiled back, having to speak extremely loudly over the music. “You having fun?”
He nodded, shoving a Butterbeer into my hands. “Go wild, kid!”
I chuckled at him. I’d never gotten drunk, and didn’t intend to start, and so only sipped it. Mmm. Butterbeer. Yummy.
James was staring down at me, but snapped out of it. “Lillers, wanna dance?”
She glared up at him, clearly disgusted. “I’m going to find a fit sixth year who’s not related to me.”
So she left me alone with the boys, but Fred easily found someone to hit on and Al was waiting for Nyx, so James held out his hand to me.
I took his hand, and he twirled me once.
“You know, I don’t think Nyx is coming tonight,” he yelled in my ear, glancing at Al. “She seemed pretty preoccupied when he asked her about coming.”
“Really?” I yelled back, but uncomfortably a boy pressed against me from behind and I intended to move, but James had already grabbed me and pulled me away.
“Fuck off!” he yelled at the guy, pulling me closer.
I snuggled into his chest. I love James, I really do.
“You okay?” he demanded of me, still watching the boy shuffle away.
“Fine,” I yelled up. “Are you going to find a snog yet?” I asked, gesturing to Fred who seemed to have already convinced a fairy it would be a good idea to senselessly kiss.
He puckered up comically. “I was all ready for you, you cutie pie!”
I poked him, but he hugged me.
“I need to talk to Al, I’ll see you in a bit, yeah? Take care!” he called after me, but I followed him out of the haze of bodies, and found myself at the drinks table again. It was really too hot in there.
“You wanna dance?”
I looked up, and a tall, dark boy was staring down at me, and I didn’t recognise him. He certainly wasn’t a Gryffindor.
“No thanks,” I called back. “I’m going to look for my friend.”
I turned away and began to look for the redheaded, but a felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Come one, dance with me. It’ll be fun.”
I jerked my shoulder out of his grip.
“No thank you.”
Next he grabbed my hand, and I whipped around to slap him, but he caught my hand.
“Chill out, kid, it’s only a dance,” he yelled, trying to drag me to the crowd.
“Fuck off!” I hissed, trying to kick him but only succeeded in stumbling over, giving him a chance to overbalance me and suck me into the huge crowd.
His hands had suddenly let go of mine, and I tried to slap away the hands on my waist until I realised they weren’t the strangers’.
“Get the hell off her,” snarled Al, pushing me behind him.
“What you gonna do, Potter?” he snapped back, drawing his wand. I cursed myself for not tucking my own into my bra or something, and saw Al’s poking out of his pocket. Without a thought, I slipped it out.
Sure, it felt weird, but it would work alright and that’s all I needed.
As he began to point it at Al, I ducked under Al’s arm and put his wand to the boy’s throat.
“Back off,” I snapped.
After a few moments, he disappeared into the crowd, but I heard what he snarled at me.
Taken aback, I recoiled slightly. No one had ever told me I was prudish before.
Frankly, I’d never thought about it before. Admittedly, I’d never been on a date, or had my first kiss, or even danced properly with a boy besides James, Al or Fred. It had never seemed important.
“Come on, Ellie,” Al said, and it appeared he hadn’t heard. “Let’s get you somewhere else.”
He took my hand and took me to safety, with James. Al said something into his ear, and left.
“Right kid, watch how the big boys do it,” James grinned, downing a shot of Firewhiskey, but I could see a faint trace of worry in his eyes.
It certainly was a party, but at about midnight the rest of the houses had begun to leave, and the room seemed a lot bigger than it had done. The upshot of it all was that everyone was scantily dressed and very, very drunk.
Lily was drunk (and talking to a sofa, so I figured she’d be safe for a while), James was snogging Willow Moon so I assumed he was drunk, Fred (yes, a Slytherin had got in somehow) was snogging Willow Moon’s best friend and Roxanne was trying to curse him from a great distance, but the people around him just kept ending up with weird symptoms. In their drunken haze, they hadn’t noticed.
Well, except the girl that was magnetized to the ceiling.
I’m not entirely sure how Roxanne managed that.
Scorpius was flirting with Rose. I didn’t think he was drunk, in fact he only looked a little tipsy, and Rose seemed to be near normal, but was gazing into his eyes quite intensely.
They’ll totally end up married, by the way.
Anyway, I was trying to find Al. I hadn’t seen him in a while, and was a bit worried.
I found myself outside the dorm, and walked straight into him, snogging the face off Nyx.
Deciding that interrupting the ferocious, lust filled moment would not be in my best interests if I wanted to see my next birthday, I did a spin on the spot and giggled a horrified Fat Lady, who squawked something about ‘not in her day’ and ‘blasphemous behaviour’.
I quite liked the alliteration on the second one, but just mumbled the password (so Nyx, a Slytherin, wouldn’t hear although I doubted her ability to notice a Hungarian Horntail at that precise moment in time) and slid back through the portrait hole.
The first thing I noticed was that somebody had turned the music up really, really loud. The second was the overwhelming amount of Firewhiskey and Butterbeer bottles that were lying around.
I rolled my eyes, knowing I’d be one of the few responsible ones cleaning them up tomorrow, and picked my way through the snogging couples swiftly, finding Lily.
She really likes that sofa, I’m telling you.
Helping her struggle to her feet, I listened as she warbled on about Bert and their romantic connections (still talking about the sofa, yes) and managed to get her back to our dormitory in one piece, fortunately.
I tucked her up in bed, taking off her shoes but leaving her in her outfit to horrify her in the morning. I headed back downstairs, and began to send people to bed like James and Fred.
“James,” I called out sweetly. “Jamesy?”
He looked up. Apparently, Fred had abandoned Willow Moon’s friend in favour of... a girl who was wearing a bikini.
It was clear she was supposed to be a ‘bikini model’, but to me she just looked like a twat.
Anyway, James had the friend kissing his neck, whilst Moon snogged him ungracefully on the lips.
To be honest, it was a little gross to watch.
“OI!” I suddenly yelled, and the two girls detached themselves from him. “Lovely.”
I yanked him upright, and led him to his room.
“But they’re so pwetty,” he slurred.
“You’ll thank me tomorrow,” I said, rolling my eyes and shoving him into his dorm.
A/N *giggle* *clears throat* so, yes, I was intending on posting these in quick succession... but then my brain decided to join me last night, and I decided (in a dream) to change the whole order of what happens in this story. I did the changing of the order and everything... and then I woke up.
The problem is that dream-me had the right idea, so I’m rewriting the next four chapters.
Funsies, right? ;)
*GingerGenower pops to the Ministry of Magic*