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Chapter 1: The Creepy Club
I skidded around the corner of a banister and squeezed behind a large suit of armour, panting like a dog. I had all of the girls chasing after me, yet again, trying to dack me. They were thoroughly convinced that I was actually a boy. Let me tell you right now – I am 100% composed of the female specialties and have never been, or will be, a boy.
See the problem began before I was born. My parents thought that they were having a boy and had planned my name and everything. Once I was born, they were horrified to discover that I was, in fact, a girl. I feel so privileged; not many people have the ability to scare or surprise my parents very easily. Cough.
Since my family managed to keep out of the public eye – how I have absolutely no idea – no one even knew about me until I turned up at Hogwarts. It was like I was the Kinder Surprise of the Potter family. You didn’t know what was inside, and then BAM, I just appeared.
There I was, a tiny eleven year old, and everyone thought I was a phony. I’m being completely serious. When I told people that I was Albus Potter, they laughed in my face. Sure my name isn’t exactly swoon worthy, and may not have been assigned to someone of the correct gender, but at least it has deep meaning behind it.
Once everyone realised that I was actually a Potter, they came to the conclusion that I was a cross-dresser or something equally bizarre. I even have my own little fan club. Okay, maybe that’s taking it a bit far; I have a club and the members are determined to prove that I’m a guy. Hence why I’m hiding in the most ridiculously uncomfortable spot in the universe. I suppose there is worse.
I wriggled around, trying to get comfortable, and winced as I felt the back of a weapon jab into me. Ouch. While I was waiting I finally decided upon a name for my crazy club. No, that wasn’t the name. And yes, it has taken me until the beginning of sixth year to decide upon a name. For the first three years, I was in denial about the club. I know, that’s pretty sad, but I didn’t like the idea of crazy people chasing after me. I still don’t like it, but that’s not the point.
Anyway, I have decided to name the club, The Creepy Club. I know, it’s absolutely ingenious. Cough. Well they are a club, and they are insanely creepy. I just don’t understand how they think I am a guy.
I have long hair (I know guys can have long hair too but that doesn’t matter right now). I sleep in the girl’s dormitory (yes I actually sleep there, no I am NOT sleeping with the girls). I need a bra (I know boys could just stuff them, but your thoughts aren’t wanted here!)
Okay that were terrible reasons as to why I’m a girl. But it’s all true! I swear. Now I sound like I’m lying. Sigh. This is why people do think I’m guy.
Just then, I heard the sounds of high-pitched giggling and other ridiculous nonsense spewing from certain girls’ mouths. The Creepy Club. See it even sounds kind of intimidating.
I held my breath and tried to make myself as small as possible as they passed by, praying that they wouldn’t see me. As I felt a tickling sensation in my nose, my eyes went wide. The girls were just about at the end of the corridor when I sneezed.
I cursed inwardly and tried to make myself even smaller. I squeezed my eyes shut as I heard the girls screaming wildly at hearing what they knew could possibly be the sound of me. I didn’t open my eyes until I was certain that I couldn’t hear a single titter from a single member of the Creepy Club.
I poked my head out from behind the amour and peeked around. I wasn’t quite ready to give a sigh of relief…some of those girls are quite nifty in their ways. Others are quite daft. Okay, the majority of them are very daft. Quit hatin’, I was trying to be nice.
I stealthily slinked away in the opposite direction, and I then sprinted up to the Gryffindor tower. I know, after that cowardly episode, you must be wondering how on earth I got into the house of ‘bravery.’ I honestly don’t know.
I lied. I do know. I’ve actually never told anyone about what the Sorting Hat said to me. It’s a sad story. Not really. So I’ll cut a long story short, not that it was even long to begin with. The hat pretty much said I was supermegafoxyawesomehot, meaning I was just too amazing to fit into any house. Is that believable enough for you? No?
Alright, the hat wanted me to be a Hufflepuff. I don’t have anything against Hufflepuffs; it’s just that I really didn’t want to be the only member of my family in another house. Especially since everyone had already thought I was a phony, so I asked to be in Gryffindor. At least my family believes who I am. It also turns out that most of the Creepy Club members are from Hufflepuff. It makes me shudder to think I was almost had to share the SAME dormitory with them.
As soon as I scrambled through the portrait hole, I ran up to the boys’ dormitory. I really don’t help myself do I? I didn’t want to risk any of the insane girls finding me. Well there’s only one girl from Gryffindor in the club, but she could easily get her friends into the tower. Stupid inter-house friendships.
I flew into the sixth year boys’ room and catapulted onto Scorpius’ bed. Yeah Scorpius Malfoy, you know that guy whose family are mortal enemies with parts of mine. Well he’s my best friend. I know, how clichéd right? But I actually have a good reason for it.
He’s one of the few people outside my family who actually believes I’m a girl. He’s believed me ever since he met me in the line to get sorted way back in first year. We had to stand next to each other and I went after him, meaning I had to wait until all of the hubbub about him not being a Slytherin died down. Especially since he knew already how it felt to have people talking about you for the wrong reasons.
But he also has seen proof that I’m a girl. Yes, you heard me correctly. It was ridiculously embarrassing. For both of us. I have blocked it out of my memory. All you need to know is that Scorpius has seen me naked. And no, it’s not what either of us wanted. We have a purely platonic relationship.
Since he is my best friend, I think he deserves to be described to you. He has this amazing mop of black wavy hair. Everyone expects him to have the same platinum blonde hair as his father – sorry to disappoint, guys. He is amazing and nothing like his father. That is a crap description but I’m sure you’ll see how awesome he is.
As I catapulted onto his bed, what I didn’t realise was that he was, in fact, in it. Oops. I heard a girlish shriek as I landed on him, and it definitely did not come from me. I pulled back the covers to mock him and was shocked to find a house elf. I was more than slightly confused and scrunched my face up as I tried to figure out why there was a HOUSE ELF in Scorpius’ bed.
I heard giggling from behind me and turned to face the man himself. Bloody tosser. He ruffled my hair and poked his tongue out at me. My, oh my, is that boy mature or what? I punched him in the arm (Gryffindor strength!) as he continued to laugh.
He picked up the house elf to show me that it was only a toy – that shrieks when it’s squished. I’m sure you can guess where it’s from. That’s right, Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. It looked so real. I guess that’s magic for you. Scorpius loves playing pranks on me. That’s what happens when your best friend is also good friends with Hogwarts’ serial prankster – Freddie Weasley.
I had almost forgotten the reason why I had ended up on Scorpius’ bed, when he mentioned, very nonchalantly, that he had noticed some giggling girties looking for me downstairs. I groaned and flopped back onto the bed.
This was going to be a long day. It wasn’t even lunch yet.
Author’s Note: I don’t own AVPM quotes or H Piddy or Kinder Surprises and so on and so on. I love it all very much. I would love you guys even more if you reviewed ;) I would seriously love your feedback though, good or bad :)