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Never Fade by padfootandprongs25
Chapter 18: Chapter 18
Disclaimer: all right's to JK, without her, i would not write this story:), she is the queen.
James rolled over so he was staring at a the blank wall in front of him, every so often he seemed to drop into a world of haziness where he was sure he was almost asleep then his stomach would jerk as his mind pulled him back into his thoughts and out of a world where he could forget about everything and maybe just dream for a while. His thoughts thudded against his brain angrily as he tried to forget them.
Did she like him? ‘No of course not James don’t be stupid, she never had done, she never will do you’re getting your hopes up for nothing’
Did he like her? ‘Of course you do, but you shouldn’t. Don’t get yourself into that mess again James, you could lose her friendship too’
The two questions kept repeating themselves but James never found a solution to them, he never found a way to make himself feel better he just kept thinking what if? What if she liked him, what if he liked her again even though he convinced himself he didn’t.
He really needed some sleep.
James Potter definitely was not the only one wide awake at 2am, Lily Evans was pacing. It was early yes, but sleep was the last thing on her mind at this particular moment, plus she had tried that it hadn’t seemed to have worked so she had resorted to pacing up and down her bedroom and contemplating what James thought and what might happen now.
Maybe she should go back to her parents for Christmas, if everything was going to be awkward it wasn’t going to be much fun for her or her friends plus James might be happier if she wasn’t there – in his house. But she wanted to stay, spending Christmas with her friends was something she had wanted since she was younger, she would discuss it with her friends on their walk later.
2:47 am, Lily cursed under her breath and flung herself on her bed burying her head into her pillow she tried to block out all her thoughts.
She really needed some sleep.
“Good morning Miss Lily” Amarietta the house-elf bowed as Lily entered the warmth of James’s kitchen, it was unsurprisingly empty, her friends were still getting ready, “Can I get you any breakfast?” she squeaked.
“I’m fine thanks Amarietta” Lily smiled, the house elf looked at her worriedly but said nothing else before departing down a flight of stairs which Lily assumed led to the cellar.
Lily sat up on a chair at James’s breakfast bar, she stared out of the window the snow was still coming down heavily the garden looked like it had been covered in a massive white blanket. The feel of Christmas was definitely here and as Lily pulled her scarf around herself tighter and small smile escaped her lips as she stared out into the wintery wonderland, something about the snow made her feel as if nothing else in the world mattered.
Somebody coughed behind her, she turned around slowly and her eyes landed on James Potter walking down the stairs, he was –to make things more awkward- shirtless, he saw her and quickly ran a hand through his hair messing it up. She rolled her eyes and turned back around as he entered the kitchen.
“So um” James said as he leant against the kitchen counter and faced her, “We’re having like pizza and stuff tonight, sort of a Christmas eve tradition, you lot gonna be around?” he asked.
Lily raised her eyebrows, “Of course we will be, why wouldn’t we?” James merely shrugged. The tension in the room wouldn’t even be able to be broken with a knife, Lily sighed, “James, look I-”
“Ready?” came Alex’s cheerful voice from the doorway, Lily nodded her eyes still on James who was holding her gaze.
“Uh yeah” she said quietly, standing up and grabbing her gloves.
“Where you going?” came another voice, Sirius swept into the kitchen and grabbed a bacon sandwich which was on the side waiting for him in one swift movement.
“For a walk in the snow” Louise smiled, Lily finally turned to face her friends, they were all dressed in jeans and winter wear just like her, Remus was also stood in the doorway his arm around Louise.
“Where’s Pete?” James asked changing the subject quickly.
Remus grinned slightly, “Padfoot made him come down here early to make him the bacon sandwich, so he’s gone back to bed”
James rolled his eyes at Sirius and Sirius shrugged and took another bite out of his sandwich getting tomato sauce all over his mouth. The girls sniggered slightly as it took him a few moments to realise before grinning lazily and wiping his mouth.
After a few minutes of discussing what time they would be back, Louise grabbed their arms and pulled them up the stairs and out the door much to Lily’s relief she didn’t think she could stand there for much longer and have an awkward conversation with James Potter. They headed down the road and took a route which lead to a snow filled field near the Potter residence.
The wintery blanket and the white sky made Lily feel even more magical than she knew she already was, Christmas always added magic to the year and as she usually resided in Scotland at Christmas she was used to the snow at Christmas and one may think she may not get as excited about snow as others but Lily Evans loved the snow.
The girls walked in silence for a while until Lily yawned, “Is it just me who didn’t sleep last night?” she asked tiredly.
“I don’t think I fell asleep until 4am” Alex said sleepily.
Rosie sighed, “Same”
Lily walked with her friends in a comfortable silence for about half an hour, enjoying the picturesque scene, their boots crunching in the snow and it was lightly snowing again, they walked through a couple of fields passing couples walking dogs. They got to one field and felt tired, so Alex transfigured her scarf into a mat big enough for all of them, they sat there for ages in silence feeling too tired to talk.
“I might leave tonight” Lily said softly, staring into the distance at the crisp white fields stretching in front of them.
“You what?” Alex choked, she had just taken a gulp of water and had managed to spit it out right next to Louise who did not look happy as she wiped her hand, Alex sent her an apologetic look before turning back to Lily.
“You saw how awkward it was this morning” Lily pointed out turning back to them, “I don’t want Christmas day to be like that” she said sadly.
“I’m going to kill Sirius” Rosie said through gritted teeth, Lily smiled slightly at her friends temper.
“It’ll be awkward if you’re not there. James will be moody, Sirius will feel guilty and we’ll be miserable” Louise told her.
“Lily, just try and act normal around him, if he realises you’re trying to do so, he might do the same” Alex told her, Lily shot her a sceptical look, “Please” she added.
Lily sighed, she nodded her head and smiled at them, she couldn’t leave them at Christmas even if she wanted to, she would miss them too much, she saw them every day at school they were her roommates, her family, not spending Christmas with them this year would be rubbish as they had been excited about it for months she would just have to put James out of her mind.
All she needed right now was her friends. She had sent Paul his present and a note saying they needed to talk when they got back to school, she wasn’t really sure what she was going to say but she was pretty sure she was not happy with their relationship and she was starting to think maybe it was time to end it, she thought they could rekindle everything they had at the start of the year but she was being naïve.
“I’ve told Paul that I need to talk to him” she sighed after a moment or two, Alex looked up at her hopefully and Louise sent her a questioning look, “Who am I kidding? It was never going to work was it, I was being naïve” she said laughing sadly.
“Finally” Alex smiled, Lily shrugged, “What I mean is” Alex said grinning, “It’s probably for the best” Rosie laughed slightly and Lily sniggered at her.
“You’re too good to be with somebody who cheats anyway” Rosie pointed out. They all went quiet extremely quickly, and the tension was back.
“You know when somebody cheats they can realise they made a mistake” Alex seethed, Rosie bit her lip and Alex looked as if she regretted snapping very quickly, “Sorry” she murmured, “Just on edge, tired” Rosie nodded and smiled apologetically and Alex smiled slightly back.
“Come on, let’s go back” Louise suggested, standing up. Her friends followed suit and Alex pulled her wand out and transfigured the rug back and the girls set off back to the Potter mansion.
“Pizza is literally my favourite thing in this world” Sirius said cramming some in his mouth.
The tension in the lounge was not as awkward as it had been this morning but that was because Sirius and Alex were staying away from each other as were Lily and James. Alex had sort of expected Christmas to be like this when her and Sirius were fighting but when they made up she had hoped that everything would be okay again.
“All you think about is food” Alex laughed, she was going to try to make conversation with him, they had kissed before, she just needed to forget about that, plus it’s not like they still had feelings for each other.
“Food is what keeps us living Miss McCord” Sirius said pointedly.
Alex raised an eyebrow, “No air is what keeps us living Mister Black”
“Im a wizard, what do I need air for?” Sirius said frowning.
“To breathe?” she offered.
“Touché” he said pointing his pizza at her before putting it into his mouth. She laughed slightly and picked up a piece herself.
Sirius hated being proven wrong and Alex loved the fact that she was the one who got to do it. Everyone sat in silence eating their pizza, James had started his last piece of pizza but was halfway through it when he gave a load groan and chucked it back in the box.
“Prongs you eat that pizza” Sirius said acting like a parent, James looked up at him pleadingly, “Don’t give me the puppy eyes, eat now, what are you a Marauder or a Mouse?” James sighed heavily, and made a grab for the pizza and stuffed it down his mouth; Alex was surprised he wasn’t sick he had eaten so much.
“Happy?” James said through a mouth full of pizza, spitting it everywhere.
“Ugh that’s gross” Lily muttered.
“No that’s normal Evans” James contradicted her, Lily rolled her eyes, James grinned at her, Alex smiled to herself, looked like they would be alright too.
“Normal is gross then Potter” Lily smirked.
“So we’re back on surnames again are we Red?” James winked at her, Lily shook her head and rolled her eyes again.
“You stared it” she pointed out.
“I finished it too” he retorted a smirk planted on his face. Alex noticed Lily fighting a smile off her face.
“Sorry James” Lily said with sarcasm.
“That’s better, now give James a hug” James tried his smirk still there.
Alex snickered, Lily looked at him knowingly and shook her head, smiling. But James moved towards her, grabbing her hand and pulling her up, Lily stood up to face him; blushing. James wrapped her in a huge bear hug, very much like the photo Alex had stuck to her headboard at Hogwarts. Lily giggled and Sirius stood up.
“Get a room” Sirius scoffed, “You have a girlfriend and you have a boyfriend” he said pointing at them both, they both pulled away from each other looking embarrassed, Alex glared at Sirius who just so happened to catch her glaring.
“What?” He snapped.
“You’re such a mood spoiler sometimes, leave them be” Alex smirked, the conversation in Alex’s opinion was light and jokey but Sirius obviously thought otherwise;
“And you’re such a bitch sometimes but I can keep that to myself” Sirius started.
“Hey, Sirius chill out” Remus said stepping in the middle of them, Alex had just noticed she had stood up to face him and glare at him.
“Remus leave it” Louise warned from the sofa, beckoning him to sit down.
“Have I done something Sirius?” Alex asked coldly.
“Not much, you just seem to enjoy going out of your way to piss me off” Sirius said coldly, she gaped at him.
“What is wrong with you? Gosh Sirius, you think you’re so flawless but you are far far from it” Alex told at him, he drew his wand. But it suddenly flew out of his hand, Peter had silently disarmed him.
“You’re one to talk you snotty little cow” Sirius raged at her, she was finally seeing a side of Sirius Black she had never seen before.
“Snotty little cow? Talking about me or your whore of a girlfriend?” Alex retaliated, Sirius’ eyes narrowed glaring at her with so much hate and dislike, Alex felt a little scared, but she was the only one with a wand, “How many times have you cheated on her? In fact, how many times have you cheated on me?” she spat. Everyone was looking at them intently, not bothering to break up this argument.
“Don’t talk about things you don’t understand you little bitch” Sirius snarled.
Alex glared at him and drew her wand, Peter chucked Sirius’ back to him much to the annoyance of Louise, Remus and Lily.
“Expelliarmus” Alex snapped, Sirius dodged it.
“Confundus” Sirius shot back.
“Finite Incantartum” Alex stopped it, “Flipendo” she hissed and Sirius was knocked off his feet and thrown backwards, she slipped her wand in her pocket and glared at him as James helped him up but also removed his wand. Sirius rounded on her.
“Your pathetic” he taunted, she could feel herself getting hot with anger as he circled around her, “you think I think im perfect, your lost in your own little world, you think the whole world revolves around Alexandra McCord, I don’t even know you sometimes” he hissed, she had never heard Sirius be so cruel.
She snorted, “You don’t know me? That’s fantastic Sirius, because not many people do anymore. You know what I’m glad because every time you seem to think you know me again you step right in and fuck it all up” she snarled.
“You’ve always been a little cow who has to have her own way, Merlin Alex you have so many faces nobody knows you, stop being a bitch and grow up” Sirius yelled at her whilst she ran out of the room, tears streaming down her face.
She flung herself down on her bed and cursed him to hell and back. Wiping her eyes she stood up, she was so sick of crying and crying over a boy. This needed to end.
At midnight a light tap on Sirius’s door pulled him out of his doze. He wasn’t a heavy sleeper but really he had only heard it because he could not sleep, he groaned and ruffled up his hair as he pulled himself up and out of his bed.
He didn’t really want to talk to anyone he was angry with himself and angry with Alex so it would’ve been better to be left alone but obviously some people did not understand that he had thought bitterly as he flung open the door.
Lily pulled her dressing gown around herself tighter before tapping on the door of one of her friends rooms. She didn’t really know why she was there, but it could not wait until morning.
She knew it was late, but how late she did not know. Not until the door opened and she could see the clock shining from the light of the moon.
“I need to talk to you” she murmured.