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Chapter 2: Hogwarts Hogwarts Hoggy-Warty Hogwarts
Disclaimer: Me not JK Rowling....sadly...but nor am I a Honey Badger. One must learn to live with dissapointments....
A/N: Heyyyy guys. Second chapter yay! I'm sorry it took so long to put up. I wanted to post a one-shot that I wrote for fun, and it FOREVER to validate. But no worries my friends! I am here! Oh, also, thanks to the reviewers on my first chapter (ever!) I would respond, but my phone is being stupid and won't let me. I would if could :( well, read on, thanks! (and don't forget to review!)
"Alexandra Nicole Plank, get you lazy ass out of bed!!” Screams Sadie. I donʼt budge.
Serves her right, she used my full name.
“Ok, you asked for it. Aguamenti!” Suddenly, Iʼm sopping wet. One thing about myself...I
HATE water. Ooohh, sheʼs gonna get it the little troll.
“YOU LITTLE TROLL! AH!” With a war-like cry, I leap out of my bed and run, wet and screaming, towards
Sadie. Soon we are on the ﬂoor tearing at each otherʼs hair.
“GET YOʼ BUTT OUTTAʼ MAH FACE YO!” (Yes, I am speaking like a gangster. My friends are used to it by now)
“NEVER!” By now, everyone in the dorm room is awake, and staring at us through
bleary eyes, unfazed by our struggle on the ground.
“UGH! Lay off the donuts will you? I canʼt breathe! Vision...tunneling..heart...slowing. Is
that a light I see at the end of the tunnel? Are those angels I hear? I th-”
“Such the drama queen Xandra! Gosh! I'll get off!” Sadie slowly stands up, and I lie
there on the ground, panting.
“Well, that was fun!” Suddenly energetic and awake, I jump up from the ﬂoor and head
towards the bathroom to take a shower.
“What a freak,” I hear. Psshh. Xandra don't care! Xandra doesn't give a shit!
I step in and let the hot water run over me, and start singing loudly over the sound of the
“YOU DONT HAVE TO BE RICH! TO BE MY GIRL! YOU DONʼT.....UHH...LALALA, I DONT KNOW THE REST OF THE WORDS!!”
I know, I know. Iʼm so talented. Please,
spare me the applause! Oh stop it! No! Of course I will give you my autograph! Why of
course I will go out on a date with you Johnny Depp! I know you love me Brad darling,
but I just have to turn you down. Go run back to Angelina my dear. Yes, thank you!
“Xandra! Johnny Depp is way to old for you! Besides! He is married Idiot!” I hear Ari
screech. Woops, didnʼt know I said all that out loud...oh well.
“NOT TRUE! HE SECRETLY LOVES ME! ADMIT IT!”
“Xandra! He hasnʼt even met you before!” Tash screams to be heard over the sound of
the rushing water. By now all my friends are in the showers. We have 5 showers in our
dorm, one for each of us. Then I suddenly remember.
“GOOD GOD! WE ARE GOING TO ENGLAND TODAY! WE ARE GOING TO
HOGWARTS! HOME OF THE CHOSEN ONE! OMIGOODNESS GRACIOUS!
HOT....BRITSH...GUYS...WITH...BRITISH...ACCENTS!” We all squeal and rush to get
out of the showers as quickly as possible.
“What should I wear? I want to make a good impression! I need a man! I need people to
“Umm, Xandra, I think plenty of people notice you. You are very...whatʼs the word Iʼm
looking for? Oh yeah...psychotic, crazy, mental, speacial, sick, WEIRD!” Ya ya, I get it, I get it.
“I want them to notice me for right reasons Iso! This is a fresh start!” I run around the
room looking through for the “perfect” outﬁt. I ﬁnally decide to screw it, and settle for
pajama pants with little bludgers flying around them, and a tank top. We are traveling anyway, so no need to dress up. Iʼll do that tomorrow.
My friends and I all rush down to the great hall, suitcases in hand, all ﬂushed from rushing down here so fast. We board the jet-thingy-mabobber, and sit down, bouncing
“WE ARE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARDS! THE WONDERFUL WIZARDS OF
HOGWARTS!! BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAAAUUUSE!
BECAUSE OF THE WONDERFUL THINGS...THEY...UMMM...DO?”
“Give the singing a rest, will you Xandra? You sound like a dying hippogriff! Just go to sleep so we can have some peace and quiet for once!”
“Ooh. Harsh Sado. Good thing I love you guys. Good night!” I drift off to sleep, dreaming about people speaking in British accents...and pancakes! Especially pancakes...
When I wake up, I look out the window and see a beautiful castle, glistening in the sunshine, with ant sized people running around the courtyard. I gasp. Itʼs one of the most gorgeous things I have ever seen, and canʼt believe that this will be my home for
the coming year. It suddenly hits me. I am going to be in England for a whole YEAR.
Surrounded by people with cool accents, an amazing quidditch pitch (Iʼm a quidditch
nut..okay?) and I feel myself getting nervous. Shoo nerves! Go away! Xandra Plank
never shows weakness!
There! All gone!
We land in the jet, and leave luggage on the plane to be taken away by house elves.
HOUSE ELVES! THEY HAVE, LIKE, MAIDS HERE! CAWW IS SO CHEAPO! WE
DONʼT HAVE HOUSE ELVES! I am liking this place already!
The whole sixth year group (which consists of about 75 people) enters through the great hall together. Everyone sitting down starts staring and whispering. I get a couple funny looks. I KNEW I shouldnʼt have worn my pjʼs...and there are plenty of cute boys! I glare at all the people looking at me like I have gone crazy. Iʼm used to it. You
just glance oddly back at them, and they look away! Piece of cauldron cake! I slowly walk down to the extra
tables, and sit down. Headmistress McGona-something stands up to the podium, and everyone quiets down.
“Good evening Hogwarts students! As you all have realized, something different is going on. This year, Hogwarts is hosting a group of sixth years for California Academy for Witches and Wizards! This group of new students will be sorted into different houses
soon, and I expect everyone to treat them nicely and show them the ropes. Now time for
“Sorting?” I whisper to Isobel. She is bound to know something, sheʼs read everything on Wizarding schools...and everything else. She's the Wizarding World's Einstein! Don't know who that is? Filthy blood Puritan! Ok, never mind, that was mean....just kidding... Hehe
“Apparently, there are four houses: Slytherin, Gryfﬁndor, Hufﬂepuff, and Ravenclaw.
People get sorted into these houses, but how, I don't really know."
“You mean we are going to get split up?” Whispers Tash.
“Iʼm afraid so. We have to make a meeting spot. How about near the lake we saw when we were ﬂying in? Everyone know the place?” Everyone nods their head. “Okay then, meet there everyday after classes!” I say.
“Deal!” They all say in unison.
“Anthony, Isobel!” McGona-something calls. Isobel hops up, ﬂustered, and straightens
her skirt, trying to make herself presentable. Pshhh. Typical. Iso runs up, and sit on a
stool. Suddenly McGona-whatever sets a dirty, raggedy hat onto her head. Right when it
touches her head, it yells:”RAVENCLAW!”
A sea of blue stands up and shouts for Iso. My friends all go up to the stool. Ari is sorted
into Hufﬂepuff, Tash in Gryfﬁndor, and Sadie in Slytherin. Sigh. My turn soon.
“Plank, Alexandra!” Thats me! I bound up to the hat, full of conﬁdence. It touches my head, and starts talking. It startles me so much that I fall off my stool. Giggles and laughs could be heard throughout the hall. Sigh. Nothing. Ee there. I hastily get back up on the stool.
“Hmmm. Interesting one we have here. You are intelligent, yes, that is very much clear. But Ravenclaw is deﬁnitely not ﬁt for someone like you! Cunning...yes. But not sinister enough. Hufﬂepuff? Deﬁnite no! That leaves me with one choice!.......GRYFFINDOR!”
Tash stands up next a pretty red haired girl and is screaming. I go over and hug her.
“At least we ended up together..right?” I sigh in relief.
After the welcoming feast in the Great Hall, the pretty red-haired girl that Tash was standing with, (her name is Rose....Rose Weasley! Ahh!) leads us up to the Gryfﬁndor
common room. We end up at a portrait of a very, lets say, plump lady.
“Uhh, Rose? Did you get lost or something?” I ask.
She lets out a hearty laugh.
“Nope! This is the entrance to our common room!” Tash and I stare at her for a second.
“Pheonix!” She says, suddenly, the portrait opens, and we step into a gorgeous
common room. Maroon is everywhere, with a cozy ﬁreplace surrounded by chairs and
“This...is AWESOME!!” I squeal and do a belly ﬂop onto the couch.
“I could stay here forever...” I mumble into the pillow. Then, someone decides that itʼs
funny to sit on me.
“OOF! Dude! Gerroffʼ! Canʼt you see that I am trying to relax! Canʼt a girl get some
peace?!?” I yell. Rose and Tashy start giggling.
“Albus, get off of Xandra before she ʻdiesʼ...” Rose says, a smile in her voice.
Then I realize something. Albus is a guys name, a BRITISH guys name. Ohhh, my face
heats up. He starts to chuckle. I like his chuckle! Itʼs so cute! If his chuckle is nice, that
means that he must be cute! Aww, I can see it now! Him taking me on a date! Sharing a
butterbeer or two! Wow, Iʼm going crazy, I donʼt even know what the guy looks like, and I
am already imagining our ﬁrst date! The jet lag is getting to me. I an having trouble breathing, might need to fix that...
“GET OFF ME IN THE NAME OF MERLIN! I HIGHLY DOUBT I AM COMFIER THAN
THE COUCH!” I scream, British dude or not, he is getting on my nerves.
“Ohh, feisty! Fine, Iʼll get off,” he slowly gets off of me, and I sit up and get a good look
at his face. Gosh heʼs gorgeous! Tousled black hair, tall, tan, with a tiny sprinkle of
freckles. Good god, Iʼm in love! Or just madly in like, love at ﬁrst sight is overrated.
“Hellooo? Xandra? You there? I said sorry...”
“Huh? Oh...I accept your apology...uh...Alfred was it?” Smooth Xandra, really smooth.
Now he really thinks your stupid.
“Albus, but call me Al...Albus is a terrible name!”
“Okay Al..bus. Hah! Sucker! Letʼs go Rose and Tashy.” I scramble up the stairs before I
can embarrass myself even more. I rush up the stairs as quick as I can, and run
towards the door labeled Sixth Year. I open the door and come face to face with a guy.
Normally I would be totally ﬁne with this, except for the fact that he was...gulp...naked...
“COVER UP MAN! EVER HEARD OF CLOTHES?”
“THIS IS MY DORM ROOM! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!”
“THA-Wait...your dorm room? So this isnʼt the girls dorm? Ugh!” I look up to the ceiling.
“Iʼll just be..ah..leaving...next time you should..umm, put on a towel or
something...okay..bye!” WHY DO YOU HATE ME OH MIGHTY MERLIN?! WAS I LORD
VOLDEMORT IN MY PAST LIFE OR SOMETHING? I WOULDNʼT BE SURPRISED! I
scurry out of the room as fast as I can, where I see Rose, Tash, and Albus cracking up
on the ﬂoor. I stop and glare at them.
“Why didnʼt you stop me from going up to the BOYʼS dorm? Huh? Rose, I am blaming
this on you. You should have stopped me!” They keep on laughing, when Albus gets up
and wipes a tear from his eye. Jerk.
“We heard your screams all the way down here! That was hilarious! What even
“One of your lovely roommates apparently hasnʼt heard of underwear....or a shirt. I think
he wants to be nudist! He was posing in front of the mirror and everything! Ugh, I wonʼt
be able to fall asleep tonight! Lord help me! Merlin help! AHH!” I ﬂop back onto the
couch, still muttering to myself. I hear people talking about me, but I donʼt really care.
“Rose, take me to the dorm please...”
She stands up and starts walking....oh those stairs. She leads me up, and enter through
a door labeled Sixth Year Girls. Then under that, someone put: “Possibly the most
awesomest people you will ever meet.” Too true now that I am here, too true.