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The Trouble With Life is... by Irobbedgringottsandgotaway
Chapter 2: Problelm #2 + #2.5
Disclaimer: Anything recognizable belongs to JK Rowling
I must admit
I can't explain
Any of these thoughts racing
Through my brain
Howlin' for You by The Black Keys
"James, could you bring these files to HR for me please?" I asked him as politely as I could muster.
"Why of course, Lex." He said, turning around once again in his chair. This was the first time he was actually turning around for a reason besides to request some ridiculous favor like a foot rub. I shuddered.
I shoved the papers behind me into his stomach, gulping down coffee as I turned towards my current project, which was to log old missions from the year 1984. Quite boring really, but would not be so bad if I hadn't been bombarded every four minutes with a request to fetch James a porcupine.
"Hey, these are complaints... about me!" James exclaimed, realizing that the Human Resources document was just a list of complaints featuring him.
"James, I would prefer it if you would not go through files that I give you unless I tell you." I said, aggravated at his lack of privacy.
"Oh, so are you in charge of me now?" He asked indignantly.
"No, but I should be. You haven't done one useful thing in the past three days, while I have provided multiple opportunities for you to get your things done, even though I have had hardly any opportunities because of your constant badgering. NONE!" I shouted the last part, turning and standing up to meet his eye level.
"Well, it would be a lot easier to work if you didn't keep making me do things for you!"
I snorted. "Well, it's not like you have anything else to do, as you refuse to be resourceful in any way!"
"Hey! Break it up you two!" Shouted Gary, the head of our section of cubicles. "I'm sick and tired of your squabbles." His bushy grey mustache jiggled. "I'm assigning you both to warehouse duty. I want full inventory on all evidence from past cases." I sighed in unison with James. We both knew better than to put up a fight. This was the second time this month.
"Come on Jimmy." I said in resignation.
"Secret or Dare." James stated a half hour later.
"Ummm... Sorry what?" I said, completely thrown off gaurd.
"You know the drill, Secret or Dare?" He said clearly, his back to mine.
"Err... Secret." I said, confused at this strange behavior.
"When people pick their teeth." I said cautiously. I decided to play along. "Secret or Dare."
"Secret." I could hear him let out a breath of air as he took down a particularily heavy piece of evidence.
"Favorite comfort food."
"Waffles. You?" He said casualy.
"Oatmeal. Plain or cooked. Secret."
"Um... Muggle books."
"That's still the same. Secret."
"Favorite childhood memory."
"Going down to the lake with my best friend." I noticed he neglected to mention that was me, his best friend.
"Dare." I said boldly, curious.
"I dare you to climb up to the top of that very tall shelf over there and scream out the worst swear word you know." He turned, grinning smugly at me. Shoot.
"That's mature." I grumbled.
"Get on with it."
"Alright." I trudged over to the shelve, awkwardly climbing it in my nice shoes and pants.
I then proceded to stand up like an idiot and yell out a word which I had never said in the presence of an elderly. James then proceded to laugh like a lunatic before joining me halfway on an empty shelf that happened to jut out abit, so that we were comfortably sitting next to each other.
"Secret." He asked.
"Weirdest food combo ever."
"Pizza and tofu."
"Yes, my sister is a vegetarian now. She made me try it."
"Let's see... worst lie you ever told."
"I once lied to Roxanne when she asked if I was going out with Rob Finnegan."
"And were you?"
"Yes. That's where the lie came in."
"I see. I once told my best friend at the time that I hated her and I thought she was ugly. We were five."
"No, we were six i'm pretty sure. Why did you lie about that?"
"I was six and I was pissed at her for punching my nose. Dare."
"Hmm... I dare you to lick that post." He grimaced and leaned away, toward the old, dusty post. He stuck his tongue out just enough to barely touch the post, while I was laughing the whole time.
"Ugh, that was disgusting." He said. "Your turn."
"First boy you ever kissed."
"Him again? Really? When were you seeing him anyways?"
"It was sixth year. The year you nearly lit the Griffindor common room on fire."
"Oh, yeah. I remember that now. He was somewhat of a git, wasn't he?"
"No he was a perfect gentlemen."
"Then why did you break up?"
"He cheated on me."
"What? That means he is most definitely a git. And a prat at that."
"Well, he had a good excuse."
"And what in the world was that?"
"I wasn't exactly what he wanted. I didn't deserve him."
"Geezus, Lex. What happened to you? You used to stand up for yourself. Don't ever tell yourself that you don't deserve someone. You deserve someone way better than that."
"Er, thanks Jimmy."
"Do you miss him?"
"I don't know. I guess I don't really miss him that much at all, as I don't actually like the whole being someone's girlfriend thing, but the snogging was great."
"Ha, I bet that I'm a way better kisser than that git."
"Hmm. I wouldn't know. Your turn."
"Have you ever slept with someone."
"To be honest, no. Wait, did you and Rob..."
"No. That's probably why he cheated. I didn't want to. Dare." He let out a breath of relief.
"Kiss me." I nearly fell off of our bench, spluttering.
That was when I lost it and punched him in the face, causing him to tumble to the ground. I panicked.
"Oh shit. James? Are you okay?" I said nervously, climbing down to him where he was lying on the ground. He mumbled something under his breath, clutching his nose with one hand.
"Oh shit, i'm sorry Jimmy. Let me see your nose." It was an ugly purple and looked broken. "Hold still Jimmy, I'm going to fix it. Episcy!" His nose snapped into place and he grimaced, turning to one side.
"I'm so sorry Jimmy, that was uncalled for, even if you were being ridiculous...well so was I, I suppose. Shit, now your nose is all bruised. I can't believe I actually broke your nose, I'm so sorry."
"Yeah, you should be, that hurt Lex."
"Oh, i'm sorry, you should be sorry you know too."
"Why? It was a reasonable dare."
"What? You're intolerable..." I said, shaking my head.
"Well you've been nothing but annoying these past few weeks, you know that?"
"And you have been nothing but a prat, and have done no actual work. You know that?"
"Your insane. You know, you've never chickened out on a dare before. Would it have really been so bad?"
"I don't know, but it's ridiculous for you to request that! Of all the stupid dares you've come up with for me, this is the stupidest! Leave it to yo-"
"Hey Lex?" He said, sitting up.
We stared at each other for what felt like hours sitting on the floor. I couldn't quite grasp what his expression was. His eyes were serious and burning right into me. It was a blazing look. We slowly got closer to each other, our faces getting closer and closer, until our lips were only a half centimeter apart. Then, we were kissing.
About half an hour later, I was practically sitting on top of him and his shirt was off.
"Jimmy." I said breathlessly. "What are we doing?"
"Yes, but does it mean anything?"
"You tell me."
I thought about it. "No, it doesn't. It's just casual snogging, were definitely not together in any way. Besides, we hate each other. Right?"
"Agreed." He said, pulling me down again.
The rest of that week passed quite normally, me and James as amiacable as usual, which is to say, completely annoyed and ticked off. The brief snogging session meant nothing.
It wasn't until a week later that I even thought about it again. Well, seriously thought about it. It was a Tuesday night and Roxy was over at my flat for who knows what reason.
"So has James tried anything on you yet?" She asked casually.
I was thrown off guard completely. "Sorry, what? What's that supposed to mean?" I said suspiciously.
"Well it's not a big secret that James can be a bit crude when it comes to women. At Hogwarts he must have had about a girlfriend a week the last three years of school." She explained. "Besides, you guys have some serious tension, and I just wanted to know if James has, you know, tried anything."
Well this changes things quite a bit. "He hasn't tried anything on me yet except corny flirts now and then, but I am aware of his history. He won't get away with anything like that with me. I am, afterall, the one who salted and greased all of his knickers back in sixth year. I just have to refresh his memory if he does try to get to close." I answered smirking.
James and I may have been (are?) brief snogging partners, but there is no way in Slytherin that I would let him get by with this without a brief reminder of how aggressive I could be in Love and War.
This is war, Potter.
The next day, I initiated my plan with the smallest, yet often most irritating sort of prank. Well James was in special training, I stole his reading glasses and proceded to smother muggle cooking oil used to grease pans that Roxanne had leant me. As I was exiting the bathroom, I had one more idea. Taking my gum and sticking it on the spots that rested above his ears, I concealed the gum with a charm and also added an extra sticking charm...or two (but definitely not three or four. Didn't want him to be incapitated like that. Oh wait...). I smirked. Take this as a warning Potter.
My prank was trivial, yet extremely satisfying as was proved later that day. After lunch, I returned to my desk where I spied James had returned to his recently. "Hello Potter, have a nice lunch?" I asked amiacably, smirking yet again.
"Yes, quite lovely. And you?" He returned.
"Good. Went to a new muggle cafe for tea. Bit foggy out today and the tea was a bit oily, but the walk wasn't too bad and they had nice service."
"Foggy out, huh." He mused. "That's a shame. The fog always makes my apartment all dewy."
"Yeah, a right shame." I tutted. I went back to work, filling out forms, when I realized James wouldn't need his glasses unless I gave him actual work and nearly forced him to do it. I just had to subtle in my ways. Don't automatically imply that he should use his glasses or anything. He'll come up with that on his own.
"Potter, if you don't fill out these forms by the end of the day, we'll both lose our jobs." I insisted, smoothly handing him a pile of forms on my way to another intern's desk.
"And I can't do them because I'm swamped with the Wales Warlock Case Files." I added, anticipating his response.
"Blimey Lex, the writings tiny! And the packet's huge!" He complained.
"That's too bad, but it's not my fault you have horrible eyesight. I'll be over at Marina's desk if you need anything."
I then walked over to Marina's desk, to ask Marina about some form for the Wales case. Marina had been a nice companion of late. She was the leggy blonde that James was talking to on the first day. She was a bit shallow, but much nicer than Mayonaise Murphy, who refused to be within a five foot parameter of me.
"Hey Marina, do you know what file form we should use for the suspect report on the Wales Warlo-" I was interupted by the sound of someone swearing behind the barrier that separated Marina's desk from James.
"Damn it, my glasses have all fogged up." Potter cursed.
"What the hell? Ow- why won't these damn glasses come off!" He was getting louder as he realized that his glasses wouldn't come off. "Alright!" He said standing up, coming over to glare (Well, i'm just assuming, I couldn't tell because of the grease) at the rest of us interns, or me, Marina and Murphy. "Which one of you prats messed with my glasses?" He said, seething.
shrugged and went back to my question with Marina.
"Was it you Murphy?" He asked the smelly mean guy. "No? Well then, I'm assuming Marina wouldn't be so unkind so that leaves only one person. In fact, this has Alex Johnson written all over it." Actually, it didn't. I made sure to erase all fingerprints.
Yeah, you can see why I'm studying to be an auror.
"Do you have anything to say to that, Lex?" He asked, coming up behind me.
"Nope. Nada Jimmy. I have no idea who messed with your glasses. Beats me. Actually, I think it was that guy from the Snatchers Committee. You know, Root beer Bob."
Root Beer Bob was a guy me and Potter had met one day training, and we came up with the nickname for him. He was drinking a root beer that day with lunch and he seemed to like it.
"Uh huh. What makes you think that?" He asked skeptically.
"Oh he told me all about his little prank this morning. You were just his next victim." I replied smoothly.
He seemed pretty mad still, so I did him a favor and wiped two little eye holes for him with some paper, scraping it off to make little spots for his eyes.
"Yep, that helps so much, Lex." He said, seething.
I shrugged. "That's all I can get, the rest is still on there pretty tight. Sorry."
He just glared at me throught his little eye holes. That's when I lost control and laughed my guts out.
Later that evening, James had managed to scrape off the cooking grease, but had not been able to get rid of my four permanent sticking charms. We were walking out together, the ministry pretty quiet as it was ten o' clock. (We had been forced to stay late because of an emergency call from Luna Lovegood saying that her house had been attacked. We still weren't sure if it was true, but the interns were dissmissed.) I was still laughing every now and then at Jame's faces of frusturation as he tried to pry his glasses off without ripping the skin out. He was struggling.
"You know, you don't look all that bad in your glasses." Darn, why did I say that?
"Oh really." He said, not too interested.
"Yes, you look quite sexy, actually." Dammit, I am getting way off track.
"Sexy you say?" He said, cocking an eyebrow at me. "Is that so?"
"I don't know." I said, quite honestly actually. I had no idea what was going on with the two of us, and what the whole thing earlier even meant for us. I was confused.
"Well then, what would you say to proving that?" He said quietly.
And that, is how we ended up in a broom cupboard alone together, snogging.
"It is so on, by the way." Great.
A/N: Thanks for reading! Tell me what you think!