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Chapter 2: Lets Have Babies
“Where have you been?” says Alice as I enter our room.
“I was…out” I say, looking around. Marlene, Mary, and Erica all seem to be asleep, but Alice is sitting on my bed with a very stern look on my face.
“You were out.”
“You went to a party and probably hooked up with some random guy!” I say, trying to feel less guilty about running out on her when I have never done anything like that in my life.
“Frank Longbottom, but that’s not the point. The point is, you, Lily Evans, never do anything wrong. And all of a sudden you’re just running around the school at midnight? And you didn’t tell me? You didn’t invite me to come along?” Now I’m a little confused. I thought she was just going to give me a verbal beating for scaring her shitless by not being in bed when she got back.
"You were with James weren’t you?” she says, and I can’t suppress a small smile. “Oh my god I knew it! Tell me everything! Have you just been in his dorm this whole time?”
“What? No, I didn’t sleep with him” I say. She would assume that.
“Oh my god, little virgin Lily isn’t a virgin anymore!”
“I didn’t sleep with him!”
“Wait until I tell the girls! Everyone’s going to flip! You slept with James fucking Potter! Holy Shit! Oh My God! Shit–“
“I didn’t have sex with him!”
That shut her up.
“We went raiding. We went down to the dungeons and put charms and everything on the Slitherins and it was so. Much. Fun. So how’s Frank?”
Alice then proceded to tell me how she was drunk (she put a lot of emphasis on that) and he just walked up to her and started snogging her. So she went along with it. She said that he was drunk too and probably wouldn’t even remember it in the morning. And then she started talking about how she was going to seduce him at the next party.
“Wait, what?” I say.
“I kinda like him” she says, with a look that says ‘oh you approve, I know you do.’ And I do.
The next morning in the great hall, I get an owl with a Hogwarts seal on it.
Upon receiving this letter, please come directly to my office. I have to discuss with you the nature of your activities last night.
James, Serious, and Remus are all walking towards the doors, so I stand up and follow them with no explanation to my roommates as to where I am going.
“You put a jelly-legs jinx on their stairs and died all of their hair red” says McGonagall.
“Lemon drop?” I say, holding out my bag of lemon drops. Needless to say, I’m scared out of my mind.
“The red’ll wear off before lunch” says James. “And as for the jelly-legs jinx, it’s only effective for a short amount of time. It’s probably already worn off already.”
“I am aware of that” says McGonnagall. “However, you were out of bed past curfew. You know the rules. Detention for all three of you boys for the next three Saturdays.”
"But Quidditch!” says James.
“That is final! As for you Miss Evans, I’m not sure what got into you, but considering that this is your first offense, I will let you off with a warning. No go to your classes before you’re late” she says with a stern look on her face.
“Professor!” I say as the boys are leaving. “Please let James go to Quidditch tryouts. He is team captain after all.”
She just smiles at me and tells me not to keep that young man waiting. I swear, sometimes i think the whole world wants me to date him.
“How about this” says Alice during potions while Slughorn is giving a lecture on how to properly use a bezoar. “I walk up to him and say ‘Hello Mister Pureblood’. And he’ll say ‘are you a pureblood too?’ And I’ll say ‘no–‘”
"You are a pureblood Alice” I say, but she isn’t listening.
“And then I’ll say ‘but Voldemort wasn’t pureblood either and look how that turned out?’”
I look at her thoroughly confused.
“What point are you trying to prove?”
“I didn’t think how that sounded before I said it” she says.
“No shit” I say.
“Alright how about this” she says. “I walk up to him and say ‘I hate Voledmort, you hate Voldemort, let’s have babies.’”
I swear I don’t know why I’m friends with her sometimes.