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Chapter 1: Finding out
‘Oh Merlin, oh Merlin, oh Merlin...’
Lily sank down onto the closed toilet seat, the pregnancy test in one hand as she ran the other through her red hair, taking a shaky breath.
It was positive, along with the four other pregnancy tests that she had previously taken. She was pregnant. As in, there was a small human growing inside her stomach. And James Potter was the father.
Her hand fell automatically to her still flat stomach. Not knowing what to do, what to think, Lily burst into silent tears. Her mind was whirling. What would people say? What would people think of her? What did she tell James?
‘Remember that night in the boathouse and how one thing led to another? Well, it turns out, I'm pregnant. Your going to be a daddy! Congratulations!’
Lily laughed in spite of everything, imagining James's expression.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door, followed by Mary Macdonald's worried voice.
“Lily? You've been in there for an hour now, are you OK?”
Lily quickly wiped her tears and started gathering the tests. “I-I'm fine, Mary, I'll be right out”, she said, trying to keep her voice steady. She washed her face and without thinking quickly threw the tests in the wastebasket.
“Are you sure you're alright, Lils?” Mary asked as Lily unlocked the bathroom door.
“I promise”, Lily said, forcing a smile.
“If you say so”, Mary said, watching her with concerned eyes. “You know you can tell me everything, right?”
“I know, Mary”, Lily said, feeling a little guilty. She would tell her eventually, just not right now.
“Good”, she said and started walking out of the dormitory. Hand on the doorknob, she noticed Lily wasn't following and turned around. “Are you coming? Some Ravenclaw's are throwing a birthday party for Emmeline Vance in the Room of Requirement; all seventh years are invited, and I heard they've got firewhiskey.”
“Nah, I'm feeling kinda sleepy. You go, I'll be fine”, Lily lied, giving her friend the best reassuring smile she could muster, and walked over to her four-poster bed.
“Are you sure? It's only eight o'clock”, Mary said, an eyebrow raised.
Lily sighed as she put on her nightgown and put her hair in a low ponytail. “I'm sure, go have fun”, she said and climbed into bed.
“OK, well, I'll be back in a while”, Mary said, checking her reflection in the mirror. “Good night.”
“Good night”, Lily said, pulling the curtains around her as Mary left her to her thoughts.
As soon as Lily woke up, a wave of nausea swept over her. She threw the cover off of her and ran towards the bathroom, not caring who she'd wake up. She leaned over the toilet and threw up the dinner she had the night before.
'Please, don't let this be one of those days.' She begged. There had been times where she had to run out of class to throw up. Sadly, it didn't just happened in the mornings like she thought.
Not daring to look into the toilet, she turned her head away and flushed. Then she exited the bathroom.
“Lily?” Alice Trumble said groggily, hauling herself up into a sitting position. With a groan, she fell back down again. “Hey, remind me to take it easy on the firewhiskey in the future, gosh, this headache is killing me”, she muttered.
Lily chuckled as she walked over to her trunk. Folded neatly on top was a fresh black work robe for her to put on. Taking it out, she made sure there were no creases in it. All of the girls in the room would call her a neat freak.
Since the girls were there, she put the robes on over her night gown and took it off underneath them.
Lily glanced over at the clock on her nightstand. It was only 9:30 in the morning, the girls would be sleeping for at least another hour.
After getting dressed, she went back into the bathroom. Her mouth felt so dirty and it probably smelled really bad. She cupped her hand and breathed into it. She'd been right about that one. The first thing she did was brush her teeth. Next, she grabbed her brush and a few hairpins and fixed her hair into a pony tail, leaving a few curly strands hanging down from it. A few minutes of primping and putting on makeup, she was satisfied and ready to leave. But just as she turned the door knob, she halted and ran back to the toilet.
Lily sat in the far corner of the common room, books and sheets of parchment spread out on the table in front of her. Her efforts were useless though, seeing it was impossible to focus on something else besides her constantly growing stomach.
It'd been almost three months since that night in the boathouse. Who knew for how long she would be able to keep it a secret from everyone? The girls were already getting suspicious given all her vomiting. She had to tell James first though, imagine if he found out through one of his mates!
'Speak of the devil' she thought and raised her gaze to the handsome boy. He pulled out the chair next to her and sat down on it, putting his feet up onto the table.
“What are you doing?” he asked, glancing over at the parchments sprawled out over the table.
“What does it look like I'm doing?” Lily snapped angrily, but immediately regretted it. “I'm sorry, I'm just really tired.”
“It's fine.” James smiled. “Seriously though, how are you? You've been staring at that same essay for over twenty minutes now.”
“I'm fine, just thinking”, Lily said, avoiding his gaze.
“Whatcha thinking about?” he asked her, snatching the parchment out of her hand and skimming it through.
'Why is he being so god damn nosey?' Lily thought, a little annoyed at this.
“Something I don't want to talk about.” Her eyes drifted from his face to the fire in front of her.
James opened his mouth to say something else when a girl came up behind him, putting her hands to cover his eyes.
“Guess who?” she whispered seductively in his ear.
Kia Mitchell was what Lily considered perfect; she looked like a supermodel and she was friendly to everyone. Everyone, with the exception of the Slytherins and Lily herself, loved her. Lily was jealous; jealous of her perfectly blond hair, sapphire blue eyes and tall, perfectly curved body.
“Hey, Kia”, James said, grinning.
“Damn”, Kia said, giggling as James pulled her onto his lap. “Am I that predictable?”
James laughed and pecked her on the mouth. Lily turned away her head, feeling nausea.
As if Kia suddenly noticed Lily's presence, she turned to address her. “I heard you this morning, are you OK? You know, there's rumors going around that you have an eating disorder.”
“Eating disorder?” James spoke up, looking at her with widened eyes.
“I'm fine.” Lily shoved her books and parchments down into her bag, glaring at Kia. “And don't tell me I should go to the hospital wing”, she added coldly.
Kia looked shocked, but then her face returned to normal. “Lily, I didn't say that. I'm glad you feel well, we're just worried for you.”
Lily snorted inwardly. 'Worried for me?' Why was she acting like they were friends?
“Well, no need, I'm fine”, Lily said and stood up, putting her bag over her shoulder. “Bye.”
‘Gosh, I'd kill for a Liquorice Wand right now...’
Lily idly tapped the tip of her quill on the desk, resting her head on her fist as she listened to Professor Binns droning voice go on and on. She was so tired; having a baby grow inside of you was exhausting, and really, really in need of a Liquorice Wand.
'Hell I'd kill James for one seeing how this is all his fault.’
She glanced over her shoulder at James sitting in the back of the room. She was going to tell him, she just hadn't found the right moment yet.
Lily turned forward. “Huh?” was all she managed to say.
“I asked you a question, but apparently you were busy paying someone else attention”, Professor Binns said, an eyebrow raised. Lily blushed. “I would appreciate your eyes staying on me in the future.”
Embarrassed she lowered her gaze. She could feel Mary's eyes burn into her.
“What's up with you, Lily?” she whispered discretely as the professor went back to his rambling. “And don't tell me it's nothing because it's obviously something”, she added, giving her a stern glare.
Lily struggled to keep from fidgeting under her gaze. “Don't worry about it, Mary. I will tell you, just right now.”
“Please, Mary”, Lily interrupted pleadingly.
Mary bit her lip. At first it seemed like she was going to keep arguing about it, but then she sighed. “Fine.”
“Thank you”, Lily said a little too loud, earning a glare from Professor Binns.
After a day of mood swings and having to pee every other second, Lily headed up to the dormitory in an attempt to get some rest. She was flat-out exhausted, her breasts were sore and she really wanted a Liquorice Wand. All she wanted was to lay down on her bed.
But as she walked into the round room, she found Alice, Mary and Dorcas sitting there, obviously waiting for her.
“Hey guys, what's up?” Lily said, not wanting to meet their gaze.
“Lily, what's this?” Mary said, eyeing her friend intently as she held up a pregnancy test; Lily's pregnancy test.
Lily mentally slapped herself for being so foolish as to throw the tests in the wastebasket.
“A pregnancy test”, she said, trying to sound unaffected.
“Is it yours?” Alice asked quietly, her eyes filled with concern.
Lily turned away her head, a lump the size of an apple forming in her throat. “Yes”, she managed to choke out.
Lily didn't turn to look at them. “I'm pregnant.” Her voice broke, and she covered her face with her hands, ashamed of her tears but unable to hold them back. Saying it out loud made it all seem so much more real and the seriousness of the situation suddenly dawned on her. “I'm pregnant”, she sobbed.
After what seemed like an eternity, Mary got up and embraced her. She didn't say anything; just stroke her hair soothingly, comforting her.
“Oh my Merlin, Lily”, Alice mumbled as she regain speech.
Mary and Lily broke apart and Lily wiped her tears.
“Who’s the father?” Dorcas asked flatly.
Mary gave her a stern look, telling her this was not the time to ask that.
“James”, Lily answered truthfully as she sat down on the bed opposite hers.
“When did you two… you know”, Alice asked, her eyes wide.
“Eight weeks ago”, Lily mumbled, fiddling with her shirt hem.
“Does Kia know?” Dorcas asked.
“N--” Lily began, but was interrupted by Kia entering the room.
“Do I know, what?”
The room went dead silent as all eyes turned to the pretty blond. Kia stood on the threshold, hand on her hip and a perfectly shaped eyebrow raised.
Mary and Lily exchanged a quick gaze.
“I said, do I know what?” Kia repeated, looking around, her eyes darting from person to person.
“Well...” Lily began, desperately trying to think of something to say.
“About your surprise party”, Dorcas blurted.
Kia immediately brightened up and her facial expression went from angry to excited.
‘Great! Now we actually have to throw her a birthday party!’ Lily thought sulkily.
“Really? You guys are throwing me a surprise party?” she squealed and Alice and Mary nodded in assent.
“Guess it's not much of a surprise now, is it?” Lily muttered.
Mary elbowed her discretely, but Kia didn't hear, or she simply ignored her.
“I can't believe it, you guys are the best!” she called, running up to them and hugging them. Lily smiled strained at her but wouldn't hug her back.
“I promise I'll act surprised of course”, she said merrily as she finished her round of hugs and went over to the door again. “I'll leave you alone to your scheming, ciao”, she said and blinked as closed the door and went back down to the common room.
They all exhaled.
“Well, that went well”, Dorcas said.
“Call it what you want, but I'm not going to throw her a party”, Lily said grumpily, gesturing to where Kia had been standing a few seconds ago.
“What other choice do we have? We promised her a birthday party, we can't take it back now”, Mary said logically.
Lily sighed. “Great, just what I needed right now.”
“I don't see why we had to lie to her in the first place”, Alice said. “I mean, James will probably tell her about it anyway.”
They all turned their heads to Dorcas, who raised her hands in a defensive gesture.
“I panicked, OK?” she said.
“What's said is said, but enough about fake surprise parties now, Lily, are you OK?” Mary said as she turned to Lily.
“Well... my breasts are killing me, I have literally peed ten times to today and turns out ‘morning sickness’ is in fact ‘all day sickness’”, Lily said sullenly. “Yeah, everything's just dandy.”
“So that's why you've been throwing up all the time!” Dorcas exclaimed.
“Yeah, we were afraid you'd gone bulimic or something”, Alice said.
“So I've heard”, Lily said.
“So, when did you find out?” Mary asked.
“A few days ago.”
“Have you ever considered... you know, abortion?” Alice asked cautiously.
“And kill my unborn child? I couldn't do that”, Lily answered. “I would never forgive myself.”'
“I would've done it”, Dorcas said forthright. “If I were you.”
“That's easy for you to say when you're not in her shoes”, Mary said. “But come on guys, think about it, a little mini-Lily, how cute wouldn't that be?”
Lily smiled and Alice squealed, “I really hope he'll have your eyes!”
“What makes you so sure it's a he?” Dorcas said, an eyebrow raised.
“I didn't mean it like that”, Alice defended herself.
“It's fine, Alice, I know you didn't”, Lily assured her.
“What would you name it if it is a boy?” Mary asked excitedly.
“I don't know”, Lily said thoughtfully. She hadn't even thought about that. “Daniel maybe...”
“If I ever get a son I will name him Neville”, Dorcas said, grinning.
“How can you be so certain of that?” Alice asked.
“My grandfather was named Neville”, Dorcas answered, shrugging her shoulders.
“Well, I think Harry is a beautiful name”, Mary said.
“Harry... I like that name”, Lily said, lying down on her back. “Sounds like the name of someone brave, someone who'll accomplish great things...”