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Enemies with Benefits by dobbyismyhero22

Format: Novel
Chapters: 18
Word Count: 68,613
Status: WIP

Rating: Mature
Warnings: Strong violence, Scenes of a sexual nature, Substance abuse, Sensitive topic/issue/theme, Spoilers

Genres: Humor, Romance, Young Adult
Characters: Fred, Albus, James (II), Rose, Scorpius, OC
Pairings: Other Pairing, Rose/Scorpius

First Published: 02/02/2011
Last Chapter: 08/05/2015
Last Updated: 08/05/2015

lovely banner by sanadamaiko at TDA xx

I think I started my life as a screw up at the mere age of five when I turned my dog into a plant, but I've just taken it to a whole new level. I mean, continually snogging my best friend's twin brother who also happens to be the bane of my existence? That's practically dark wizard level. 

Chapter 12: Spying and Revealing

I don’t own anything including Victoria’s Secret.

“I’m going to tell Tosh today.”


I glanced up from my copy of Witch Weekly (Who Is Your Magical Ending? Take this quiz to find out!...trash.) to stare at Heidi who was casually leaning against the doorframe.


“I’m sorry, you’re going to what?” Roxy screeched loudly, and fell out of her handstand.


Rox has a weird fetish for doing handstands at random intervals during the day. I’m not sure if she likes how the blood rushes to her head or if she just likes being upside down, but either way, she does they way too often to be considered normal on anyone’s account.


“I’m going to tell Tosh.” Heidi repeated slowly, and placed a hand on her stomach that had the faintest little bump showing through her shirt.


“Did you just suddenly decide that today’s the day or have you been planning this? What are you going to say?” Sydney asked anxiously, and put her book all about muggles electronics on her bedside table so she could turn her full attention to our seemingly insane best friend.


“How about, ‘I’m having your offspring. Do you want them or not?’”


Roxy snorted, Sydney frowned, and I muttered sarcastically, “That seems promising,” which made Heidi grin.


I, personally, didn’t think that she was taking this as seriously as she should.


I mean, it’s going to be double the smelly arse diapers that she’s going to have to clean the poop from, double the crying that is going to wake her up at wee hours of the night, double the responsibility that she’s way too young to handle, and double the kid.


It’s a shit load of work, and there is absolutely no way in hell that she’s going to be able to do it all on her own.


When she first found out, she froze up completely for almost an hour, then just muttered twins about a million and three times before going to bed. Then the next morning, she acted like she was completely fine and even excited.


We all thought she was having some sort of aneurism or a stroke or something.


“Well, do you want us to come with you?” Sydney asked, and Heidi immediately shook her head.


“I want to do this on my own, but thanks.”


This is the thing that confused me greatly about Heidi. There were some days where she would not leave you the hell alone. She would incessantly talk right in your ear, and be attached at to your hip to the point of annoying. But then there were other days that she would want to be completely independent.


“Heidi, will you promise me something?” I asked her, and she smirked.


“As long as it doesn’t involve me jumping in the Black Lake in only knickers again, then yes.”


“Can you just not get your hopes up and be disappointed if he doesn’t react well?” I said softly, and a flash of worry flickered on her face for a split second.


“Don’t be a killjoy! It’ll be fine.” Roxy said confidently, and chucked a pillow at my head that hit me square in the face.


I hate Beaters. Especially Roxy.


“Yeah Dess, have a little faith in your brother. He might surprise you,” Heidi said, and I attempted to smile assuring at her but I think it only made me look constipated.


“Are you absolutely sure that you don’t want us to go with you?” Sydney asked again.


“One hundred percent.”


“Okay, Heidi, we respect your decision and we promise we won’t interfere.”

5 minutes later.


“James! James! Wake the fuck up! We need the invisibility cloak!”


“Mmmfffff.” He mumbled into his mattress, and started snoring once more.


Seriously, it’s fucking two o’clock and all three blokes were still sleeping. Annoyed, I flicked on the lights and groans sounded throughout the room.


“Blazer, I hate you even more than usual right now,” Weasley moaned and covered his face with a pillow.


“Lovely to know, Weasley, but I really don’t give a fuck. WHERE IS THE GODDAMN INVISIBILITY CLOAK?” I screeched and they all groaned again. If I’m not mistaken, Logan even whimpered a little bit.


“Why the hell do you even need it, Dess? And why did you deem it necessary to wake us up to get it?” James asked hoarsely.


Roxy answered for me, “Heidi’s going to tell Tosh today that he’s the father and we want to spy.”


I have never seen three adolescent males spring into action so fact in all my seventeen years. It was like someone announced that Victoria’s Secret was having a runway show in the Great Hall.


“Are you fucking serious?” James asked excitedly, and in his haste to get untangled from his sheets, he promptly fell off his bed and onto his arse. He moaned in pain and then crawled to his trunk to rummage for the invisibility cloak.


Logan wrapped his blankets around his lower half, jumped out of bed, and then began frantically searching around, muttering “Boxers…boxers...Where the fuck are my boxers?!” which gave me a hunch that my dear friend did not sleep with on speck of clothing on…Something that I most definitely did not need to know.


“Oooh, Tosh is the father? That’s got to hurt, Blazer. Your best friend shacking up with your little brother?”


I turned to glare at Weasley, who had just gotten out of his bed, and I couldn’t help but notice that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. I gulped as my eyes traced his perfectly sculpted abs to his perfectly sculpted chest to his perfectly sculpted arms.




I snapped myself out of it, and noticed that everyone was staring at me.


James was bloody laughing his arse off. Logan seemed like he was trying to figure out what I was staring at so he kept looking back and forth between his best friend and me with a confused expression on his face. Roxy was gazing at me questionably, but not in the way ‘Why are you staring at my brother’s gorgeous body?’, more like in the ‘Why haven’t you come up with some kind of snarky remark yet instead of standing there like an idiot?’ way. The worst was Sydney who, unlike Logan, wasn’t looking back and forth at Weasley and I in a confused manner, but a knowing one, and that scared me shitless.


Wait, just kidding, Weasley’s was the worst. His arrogant smirk was the largest that I’ve seen it since we were twelve and some bint told him that he had nice hair.


Then, purposefully, to torture me more, he pulled his arms above his head and stretched backwards so his muscles tightened and rippled deliciously in a way that made me want to snog him senseless.


“Okay, we really should be going now! James, give me the damn cloak!” I exclaimed, my voice in a slightly higher octave and sounding more hysterical than usual, causing Weasely to smirk even wider.


It didn’t help that his smirk could be infuriatingly sexy sometimes.


“We’re coming with you.” James said, and clutched tightly onto the cloak.


“How do you expect six people to spy without being seen? That thing barely fits three.” I pointed out reasonably causing Weasley to open up his bedside table.


“And that, love, is one of the many advantages of being George Weasley’s son.” He grinned, holding up three pairs of extendable ears.

“Don’t you want to put on a shirt?” I hissed and I could imagine the smirk plastered on Weasley’s face as he pressed his warm body even closer to my back, which I didn’t know was humanly possible, from under the cloak.


We had done ‘Nose Goes’ to see who had to use the extendable ears. Weasley, of course, won because he’s the one that called it. James and I lost, but then weaseled our way underneath the cloak by James whining that it was his, and I, by saying that it was my brother’s life at stake. So now Sydney, Roxy, and Logan were going to be the poor sods listening outside the door while James, Weasley, and I had a front row view.


“Nah, I’m good. Why? Is it making you uncomfortable?”


“She wants to jump you so bad right now. You can practically feel the horniness radiating from her.”


“I know, right? Blazer, it’s okay to let loose. We’re all friends here. You can snog me if you want. We’ll make James close his eyes.”


Unfortunately, this left me smashed underneath a one-person cloak with the boy that is my secret and the bloke that knows my secret. Yeah, not fun.


“Will both of you shut the fuck up? I hear footsteps!” I whispered harshly, and they both fell silent.

Well, that is until James muttered, “She so wants you,” causing Weasley to laugh which caused me to elbow them both in the guts which caused them to each grunt loudly in pain.


I slapped my hands on their mouths before they could utter a single sound because Heidi came into view, marching up the steps nonchalantly as if she was just going to pop in and say hello.


She paused at the 6th Year door, adjusted her dark crimson v-neck, fluffed up her already perfect blonde hair, and placed a hand on the doorknob. Heidi closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning it and walking in.


“Go! Go! Go!” James urged quietly and we soundlessly slipped behind her though the door. In a few minutes Roxy, Logan, and Sydney would come down from the 7th Year dorms to stand outside.


Phase 1: Complete.

Phase 2: Watch the inevitable downfall of Heidi’s hopes and dreams caused by none other than my baby brother.


Tosh was lying on his bed flicking through a quidditch magazine with a look of concentration on his face. When he saw Heidi, his expression became a mixture of confused and surprised as he moved into a sitting position, ran a hand through his tousled light brown hair, and asked “What are you doing here?”


Heidi was wringing her hands, something she always did when she was nervous. “I need to talk to you about something important. Alone.” She glanced at Al’s bed where he was working on what seemed to be a History of Magic essay. He raised his eyebrows and she shot him a very pointed look to which he groaned. He grabbed his books and essay and sluggishly exited the room.


Heidi then looked at Scorpius’ bed where he was relaxing in only sweatpants with Rose lying across his chest, sleeping soundly, wearing his quidditch tee shirt. I heard Weasley and James each make some sort of angry noise that vaguely resembled a snarl when they saw their baby cousin sleeping with a shirtless bloke, wearing his clothes. “Us too?” Scorpius asked exasperated, and Heidi nodded.


Scorpius sighed and carefully got out from underneath his girlfriend without waking her, and then carried her bridal style out of the room, only pausing to plant a gentle kiss on her forehead before leaving.


They were so cute that it almost hurt.


Weasley and James each took an irritated, idiotic, overprotective step to follow them, but I grabbed their wrists, wrenched them back, and hissed “Don’t even think about it.”



Tosh looked at Heidi in awe. “How the hell did you get them out without saying a single word? I never get any peace and quiet anymore—“


“I’m having your offspring.”


My breath caught in my throat. I don’t really know how I was expecting Heidi to drop the bomb. I mean, I guess I should’ve known that she’d be blunt about it. She once told Sydney that her hairstyle for the Potter’s annual New Year’s Eve Ball made her look like a poodle on crack. Then she proceeded to rip it out and redid the entire thing so Sydney looked like a princess in less than ten minutes. So I don’t really know why I’m surprised that she took the upfront approach. I guess I just wasn’t expecting her to be serious when she said that’s how she was going to tell him.


At least she didn’t ask him if he wanted them or not yet.


“Excuse me?”


“Do you want them or not?” Heidi asked raising an eyebrow, and folding her arms across her chest.


Ah, there it is.


“What are you even talking about?” Tosh asked exasperated, and for the record, he did look really confused.


“I’m pregnant.”


I sucked in a breath and grabbed onto Weasley’s hand, without thinking, just wanting something there as I calculated Tosh’s expression.


He looked, if possible, calm. I don’t really know what I expected out of Tosh either? For him to start screaming? To run away? To tell her to get out of his life and that he didn’t want anything to do with the kids?


As of right now, he wasn’t doing any of them or anything in general because he was Tosh Blazer, and he never lost his cool. I mean sure, he got a bit angry every once in a while, but that’s normal. He never cries and he never worries himself about anything.


The first and the last time that he did lose his cool was after the car crash that killed both of my parents on impact and left me badly injured. He hadn’t cried when they told him the news or when they wheeled my parents away in body bags. It wasn’t until we were at the funeral and watching as they lowered their coffins into the ground that it really hit for him. The fact that he’d never see them again.


He ripped off the tie that my aunt forced him in to and ran away right in the middle of the ceremony. We didn’t find him until the next day. He was at the park where my parents took us to every sunny Saturday, sitting underneath the willow tree where we’d have picnics, in the pouring rain and sobs were wracking through his entire body.


It was the single time that I’ve ever seen Tosh broken, and I don’t ever want to witness that again. And the way the conversation was going, I don’t think I will have to see that.


“Are you sure it’s mine?”


James, Weasley, and I all winced in unison, knowing that it was most definitely the worst possible thing to say.


Heidi’s fists balled up and a scowl overtook her pretty face making her look positively terrifying. Even Tosh backtracked a little bit. “I just mean that—“


“Is it yours?” Heidi all but screamed. “Of course it’s bloody yours! I’m not some kind of whore that goes around shagging every guy in sight!”


“I wasn’t saying that, I just—“


“And it’s not an it! It’s a them. We’re having twins.” Heidi smiled wickedly as if she was testing him, and patted the small, but definitely there, bump on her stomach. “So are you going to be ‘Daddy’ come June or are you going to bail?”


“You can’t just drop this all on me and expect that I know what to do! I’m sixteen for Merlin’s sake!” Tosh yelled back, now starting to get angry himself.


“I’m seventeen!” Heidi shrieked widely, her silver eyes blazing. “You expect me to know how to raise a child? And you’re the one that fucked me, and then barely even acknowledged me two days afterward!”


“It takes two to tango, sweetheart.” Tosh snapped. “And that’s rich coming from little miss ‘Oh let’s pretend that it never happened!’” 


Heidi’s hard expression wavered for a moment before retorting with, “Only because that’s what I thought you wanted.”


That only made Tosh more pissed. I was literally squeezing Weasley’s hand so tightly that I’m shocked that it didn’t fall off. He never let go though.


“When did I say that? When? How would you know that I didn’t want something more? You bloody well know that I’ve fancied you since I was in second year! I fucking told you that the night we shagged and you still didn’t want anything to do with me!”


Well shit.


“Ooh! A twist!” James whispered excitedly, and Weasley smacked him upside the head causing a dull thud that Heidi and Tosh were thankfully too distracted to hear.


“I just figured you said that to all your girls.” Heidi said in condescending and slightly disgusted way.


“Why would you ever think that? Who the fuck do you think I am?” Tosh asked, clearly hurt.


“Um, how about the fact that you’ve had seven girlfriends since the beginning of the year? Obviously, you didn’t even care.” Heidi nearly whispered, eyes filling up with tears that she furiously tried to wipe away.


“Oh please,” Tosh scoffed. “None of them ever meant anything to me and you know that. They were all daft twits.”


This, unfortunately, didn’t make Heidi feel any better. Instead, it made her even more upset.


“You’re not helping your cause here, buddy. Stringing on poor innocent girls and fucking them nearly every other night? Yeah, that’s not good father material.”


“Who said I fucked any of them?” Tosh cried indignantly. “I swear to Merlin, I haven’t shagged anyone since you and I shagged.”


Although Tosh does lie a lot and is damn good at it, the pleading tone he was using and the desperate look in his eyes that he gave her for her to believe him, made me believe him.


“You haven’t?”


“No.” He said truthfully, and then grinned slightly. “It’s not like any of them could compare any way.”


Ew. Excuse me while I refrain from upchucking my breakfast all over the last remaining deathly hallow.


A small smile formed on Heidi’s lips, before she asked, “So what do you want to do?”


Tosh paused for a few seconds and asked, “Are you keeping them?”




His response was instant. “Then I want to try to help. I’m sixteen, there’s no way that I’ll be ‘father of the year’ or anything, but I want to help you.”


Heidi’s resulting smile was so wide that it looked like it was going to break her face. She wrapped her arms around Tosh and planted a small kiss on his lips. “I can’t wait to tell your sister how wrong she was.”


Tosh grinned and hesitantly placed a hand on Heidi’s stomach. “She usually is. Let’s hope they get either your smarts or mine rather than hers.”


“HEY!” I exclaimed indignantly and very, very stupidly, and Weasley and James both smacked a hand on top of my mouth at the same time causing me to stagger backward somewhat and expose our feet.


Both Heidi and Tosh froze for a second, before Heidi’s face became a mixture of dangerous and amused. “Dessie?”


“You’re a dumbarse.” Weasley told me, and since his hand was still on my mouth my retort was unintelligible and muffled.


“Dessie? Come out, come out, where ever you are!” Heidi called and began slowly walking in our general direction, blindly feeling the air around her, trying to find us, making herself look incredibly stupid.


James was about to pull off the cloak, but Weasely and I both grabbed his hand before he could. “Do you want to get murdered by a mental pregnant girl?” James’ eyes widened and he lowered his hand.


“Dessie, you better come out or else Heidi and I are going to start snogging!” Tosh called and Heidi grinned.


It was a bluff…right? Dear Merlin, please let it be a bluff.


Clearly, it wasn’t a bluff and Merlin is an arse hole because Tosh pulled Heidi towards him, brought his lips to hers, and started snogging her fiercely while she ran her hands through his hair.




“Stop! Stop! Before I’m even more scarred for life!” I screeched, and pulled the cloak off before they could continue fornicating right in front of me.


Heidi detached her lips from Tosh’s to glare at us. “I’m very disappointed in the three of you.”


“She already sounds like a mum.” Weasley whispered and I had to agree. She even had the ‘You are so going to get it cause I’m fucking pissed’ expression down.


“I told you I didn’t want anybody with me when I told him!”


“For the record, Heidi, we weren’t the only ones spying.” James said, and flicked his wand so the door opened to reveal Roxy, Sydney, Logan, Al, Rose, and Scorpius scrambling away from the scene so they weren’t guilty as well.


“I fucking hate all of you,” Heidi said, but she couldn’t help but laugh as Roxy knocked over both Logan and Al to attempt to get away the fastest. Logan grabbed onto Roxy’s ankle, but that wasn’t stopping her as she continued charging up the steps, dragging the poor sod behind her.


Al, after being knocked down by his cousin, smacked his head into the stonewall, and then tumbled into Scorpius, sending them both flying down the steps. Rose yelled “Shit!” before frantically running after them.


Sydney stood there awkwardly looking from up the stairs to down as if deciding what to do, but then she just chose to screw it all to run forward and give Heidi a huge hug that spontaneously became big a group one with anybody left in the room.  




Didn’t even know he was going to be a dad until ten minutes ago and he’s already overprotective as fuck.


I’m fairly certain that this is a very good thing.

WOW, AN UPDATE. It’s like the bloody apocalypse! Seriously, I am so incredibly sorry for leaving you all for so long. I had about 500 words of this chapter written around the time the last one got updated but then I got horrible writer’s block and couldn’t type anything without it sounding like crap. But what I think cured it was brownies. Literally ate nothing but brownies all day. Not even lying, those things are magical. Also, Save The Date by HPsmartone32 gave me inspiration as well. Everyone needs to go read that story if you haven’t already. It’s brilliant.


I realize this chapter is probably not all together realistic what with Tosh’s reaction and all, but I’m not fit to write highly depressing scenes where everything falls to shit. Especially when I’m high off of brownie sugar. Someday, when I’m forced to eat broccoli all day, you’ll get a depressing chapter that’ll make you want to go jump off a building in sadness.


I tried to make this chapter have it all, Tosh/Heidi action, small amount of Dessie/Fred banter/sexual tension, drama, humor…I hope I succeeded. Thanks for all your amazing reviews from the last chapter and all the other chapters. They keep me going. And I WILL get around to responding to them all when I have time. I have a very daunting 86 reviews that I need to respond to from all my stories…Eventually they will be answered. CURSE YOU PROCRASTINATION. Anyway, I really hope you liked it, and please review! :D