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Chapter 3: Taking a Break
I watched as Nikolas walked away quickly, as though he couldn't get away fast enough. I just sat there crying, not being able to believe what happened. Nikolas left me. He walked away from me. He let go.
When I had calmed down my crying, I walked back to the common room,ignoring everyone who asked me what was wrong. I went up to my dormitory, and fell on my bed as fresh tears came down.
"Spencer?" A voice asked. I looked up to see Pansy, Ana, and Leanne. "What happened?" Leanne asked.
"Nikolas." Was all I managed.
"He hurt you, didn't he?!" Pansy said. "Ana, you go find an empty classroom, Leanne you get the Skrewts, I'll go find Nikolas."
"No." I said. "Nikolas didn't hurt me, I hurt him."
"Then why are you the one crying?" Ana asked.
I explained what happened the day before. "You said thanks?" Pansy asked.
"Not my smartest reply, I know." I said.
"And yesterday, things weren't okay." Leanne said. "Why didn't you tell us?"
"Because, admitting there was a problem to you guys, was admitting there was a problem to myself. And I hoped we could work through it, but we couldn't."
"How long is the break for?" Ana asked.
"He didn't say." I said quietly.
"You know, Spence, maybe this is for the best." Pansy said.
"How?" I asked in disbelief.
"Well, since Nikolas, you've changed a little. Not drastically, but you don't do the things you used to as much. I mean, when's the last time we pulled off a brilliant prank? And the reputation you had is almost gone, people don't even call us the Skanks anymore."
"We haven't gotten detention in ages." Leanne added.
"And when's the last time you smoked?" Ana asked.
"Nikolas didn't like that I smoked, so I kicked the habit months ago." I said.
"Exactly, Nikolas didn't like it. But since you guys are on a break, who gives a damn what he doesn't like?" Pansy said. "You should do what you like."
I nodded, kind of agreeing with them. I wasn't the same girl I was a year and a half ago, and there was no doubt that was because of Nikolas. But before, I didn't have a problem with it, but now, I was seeing things more clearly.
"I guess you guys are right." I said.
"We are right." Ana said.
"Don't look at this break as such a negative thing." Pansy said. "Think of it as an oppurtunity to find out what you want and need and who you are."
"That's what Nikolas said." I said.
"Well, maybe he was right. We know you haven't been on your own for some time, but maybe this is just what you need. And who knows, maybe Nikolas will come back." Leanne said encouragingly.
"You guys seem to have this little pep talk planned out really well." I said suspiciously.
They all glanced at eachother. "Well,we kind of had a feeling this was going to happen between you and Nikolas." Ana said.
"You knew Nikolas was going to tell me he loved me and I was going say thanks?" I asked.
"Of course not." Leanne said. "But we did know that you guys would eventually take a break or something. And we knew you'd need us to cheer you up."
"Oh, so you just assumed I'd be the one to fuck up and Nik would dump me and I'd need cheering up?!" I asked.
"No, we just knew you'd never put you and Nikolas on a break or dump him. You cared about him too much." Pansy explained.
I sighed. "Well, you guys were right."
"Oh, come on Spence, take our advice, get your old self back, huh?" Ana said.
I sighed again. "I guess I should."
Getting the old Spencer back wasn't going to be all that easy. I had to get used to sleeping alone, which made me feel so empty. The next morning, I woke up early, only to remember that I wasn't meeting Nikolas, so I went back to sleep. I was late to my first class, which was very much like old Spencer.
People were shocked,I mean, I had been showig up on time for the past year and a half. Nikolas looked slightly worried, and he should, since it's his fault I was late. Pansy, Ana, and Leanne, on the other hand seemed impressed. I decided not to tell them it was by complete accident I was late.
Old Spencer doesn't reappear for the rest of the day, much to my friend's disappointment. Being the old me is alot of work. So is this whole taking a break thing. I have to constantly remind myself that Nikolas and I are no longer together. It wasn't enough to say that I missed him and wanted him back.
Throughout the day, I thought about telling Nik that I loved him, just so he'd come back, but I wanted to really feel it, and I didn't want to lie to him like that.
I cried at least five different times that day. By the end of it, I'm emotionally drained, and all I want to do is take a freaking nap, and never wake up.
"Where are you guys headed?" I asked Pansy, Ana and Leanne after lessons.
"You mean where are 'we' going." Ana said.
I sighed. "Fine, where are we going?" I asked.
"To have a smoke." Pansy said smiling.
"Are you kidding me?" I asked.
"No, now come on." Leanne said. "The old Spencer smoked all the time."
"I know, but, what if I can't anymore? What if I forgot how to do it?"
"You didn't, now let's go." Ana said, pulling me along.
Smoking was surprisingly easy. Once I put the cigarette to my lips, I knew exactly what to do. It was like I never even stopped. I felt the stress of Nik leaving me disappear with every drag. I really started feeling like the old me.
"We're coming back here tomorrow, right?" I asked.
They smiled. "Now, that sounds like the old Spencer." Pansy said smiling
By the time we were making our way back to the common room, it was past curfew. We got caught by a Ravenclaw prefect.
"And what do you four think you're doing out past curfew?" She asked.
I laughed. "Sorry, mother, didn't mean to break the rules."
"You just earned yourself detention tommorow night, Cassel."
"Oh, darn, I had plans tomorrow night." I huffed sarcastically.
"Well, you might want to postpone them. A week of detention." She said shaking her head.
I rolled my eyes. "Fine."
"And don't think you three are getting off easy." She said to the rest. "Two nights of detention each." With that she walked away.
"What a bitch." I said, making the others laugh.
As I laid in bed that night, I thought about how I had easily turned back into myself so quickly. I couldn't even remember the last time I had mouthed off to someone. I forgot how good it felt to not care about other's feelings. What still didn't feel good was the empty space next to me. I hate sleeping alone…
The thrill I had of being the old me wore off, and after a few weeks, I didn't want to be the old me that got detention, and smoked and showed up to class late and was the lead Skank. I was tired of pulling off pranks, and mouthing off to prefects and not caring. I wanted to be the me that was dating Nikolas Mewes, and that was content and only cared about my relationship.
I had to be that me again. I was tired of this 'taking a break' shit. I was going to talk to Nikolas to see if there was some other way we could work this out because, I couldn't live like this anymore. My life without Nikolas was so empty, I needed to fill the void he gave me when he left.
After lessons, one day I went to find Nikolas. I checked a few places he might be, like the library, the Room of Requirement, the Gryffindor common room. But he wasn't there. I decided to check the Head's common room that he shared with that filthy Hermione Granger.
I turned into the corridor where the Head's common room was. I got about half way down the hall when I stopped dead in my tracks. I had found Nikolas…with his arms wrapped tightly around Granger, kissing her so passionately, the way he kissed me. Or used to, anyways.
I couldn't believe it. Nik went back to her, after everything we'd been through. After we talked about getting married. After we talked about having kids together. After he said he loved me. And now here he was, kissing someone else, the way he used to kiss me.
The pain I felt was indescribable, it was beyond anything I had ever experienced. A sob escaped my lips. They broke apart and looked over at me. Granger had a sick smile on her face, when she realized it was me. Nikolas eyes were wide, and he was breathing hard from the kiss.
"S-Spencer, I uh…" he didn't finish his sentence.
As more sobs came over me, I backed away. I wanted to scream at him, I wanted hit Granger, I wanted to tell Nikolas he didn't love me at all,but I couldn't. I was too hurt to even speak, all I could do was cry and back away.
When I reached the end of the hall, I broke into a run. My eyes were filled with tears, and I didn't know where I was going, I just kept running. I finally stopped in an empty hallway. The tears continued to fall as I slid down the wall to the floor. I felt like I would never stop crying.
This is what you get, Spencer I thought. If you had known how you felt about Nikolas before, this would have never happened.
The void Nikolas gave me had gotten bigger. A piece of me was gone, along with Nikolas. I didn't know what to do. But, I did know that Nik and I were no longer taking a break, but we were offically broken up.