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Chapter 19: Crashing and Burning
“I cannot believe him!” Lily repeated. I had come to her for comfort, and we were sitting in an alcove of the common room together. I hadn’t seen Lorcan since I had run away from him, which probably wasn’t a good thing. I was an awful girlfriend. Who runs away from their boyfriend on Valentine’s Day just because they see their boyfriend’s twin brother snogging his girlfriend? It’s official. I’m mental.
“Lily, he was just snogging his girlfriend. Anders is completely allowed to do that. We can’t even talk to each other anymore.”
She glared at me. “If you’re okay with him and Helene then why are you so upset? Why did you run away?”
“It just… It surprised me. I didn’t realize they were so…intimate.”
“You sound like a prude.” Lily retorted. “Intimate? Really?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be comforting me?” She was useless.
Lily wrinkled her nose. “It’s kind of hard to do that when I don’t know what I’m comforting you about. You’re fine with Helene and Anders but you’re not. You want him to have his own life, but you get upset when he does. You have a boyfriend, but he’s not allowed to have a girlfriend. You’re a dolt, Eva.”
“Don’t call me a dolt!” I snapped. “Why do you always have to be such a bitch?”
Lily crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Eva, I don’t beat around the bush. Don’t get mad at me for pointing out the things that you’re too oblivious to see for yourself. You asked me for my help. I’m giving it to you.”
“Well, it’s not the kind of help I want.”
We fell silent until a pair of fifth year boys came bursting through the portrait hole. “There’s a fight going on outside!” One of them screamed. “Scamander versus Scamander.”
Lily and I stared at each other. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” I snarled, getting to my feet and running out of a room for the second time that day. What was Lorcan thinking? Why the hell would he get into a fight with Anders? His whole upset with his twin thing had gone way too far. I wasn’t this mad at Anders, even, and I was the one who had the right to be mad.
Because he had abandoned me, you know. Not because he had a girlfriend. Of course not.
The fifth years hadn’t been lying. Lorcan and Anders were facing off not far from the entrance to our dormitory, both with a murderous look in his eyes. Every now and then a different colored flash of light would come shooting out of one of their wands in the other’s direction. They must have been using nonverbal spells, since they were far too busy yelling at each other to perform any magic.
“What did she ever do to you? What did Eva ever do to you to deserve this?” Lorcan demanded. God, was he still stuck on this stupid protecting me thing? I could stand up for myself, thank you very much. I had never asked him to do this.
“What am I supposed to do, Lor? Why do you want me around so badly? She’s supposed to be your girlfriend, isn’t she?” Anders retorted before dodging whatever curse Lorcan had just aimed at him.
Lorcan’s eyes narrowed. “Because she cares about you, and I care about her. You have no idea how much you’re upsetting her.”
“Eva and I have talked about this!”
“What kind of conversation was that? ‘Hi, I’m Anders Scamander and I’m so bloody perfect that I don’t care about anyone else. I care about is dumb ass Quidditch. I want to marry my broomstick. I love my broomstick. I’m the world’s largest arsehole!’” Lorcan mocked his brother in a high pitched voice, dancing around.
What the hell was this? They had never gotten into a duel like this before. Lorcan would never call Anders an arsehole, and mean it. He might say it jokingly, but he certainly wasn’t joking now.
“Don’t act like I don’t know anything about Eva. I’m going to pretend you didn’t just do that.” Anders projected a small flock of birds at Lorcan.
He flailed his arms to fight off the birds before counter-hexing them away. “You don’t know anything about her! You haven’t been there for her! I’ve been the one there for her all year. What’s your excuse, Anders? What’s your bloody excuse? I’m dying to hear it.”
“You’re both idiots!” I yelled at them. “I don’t care! I don’t care about Lysander. Stop doing this, Lorcan. I’m a big girl. I can sort out my own problems.”
“You… You called me Lysander.”
I glared at him. “Yes, I called you Lysander. That’s your name. I’m not going to call you by any bloody nicknames anymore. We’re not friends. You call your friends by nicknames. Just… Both of you leave me alone. I can’t take this anymore.”
The Scamander twins were the most dramatic people I knew. Was I…crying? I didn’t cry. This was their fault. Why couldn’t they just be normal? For the first time, I was seriously questioning why I had become friends with either one of them in the first place. What had that gotten me? A broken heart. They had managed to make me cry. Nothing made me cry.
They were so intent on “taking care” of me that neither one of them had bothered to take notice of the fact that they were just hurting me.
I needed a break from them. The twins had been in my life constantly since that meeting on the train first year, and I needed a break before I killed someone.
“Eva? Eva, love, open the door.” Lorcan called from behind my bedroom door. I buried myself deeper in my comforter.
“Eva!” I heard the sound of the lock jiggling. Damn Lorcan Scamander and his lock picking abilities. “When have I ever listened to anything you say?”
Arse. “That’s why we’re in this situation. You don’t listen to me. Where you possessed by some creature your mum loves to talk about? That’s the only explanation I can come up with for why you just had a duel with your brother.”
He sank down on my bed. I could try to knock him off, but I doubted that would work. Lorcan was too large for that. “I was jealous.”
“Why would you be jealous? We were going to snog!”
“Have you always been this daft?” Way to flatter me. This is easily the worst Valentine’s Day ever. Lorcan sighed heavily. “It’s always been Anders, hasn’t it?”
I pulled back the comforter so that I could give him my best death glare. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the fact that you’ve been in love with my brother all year, but you’ve both been too daft to do anything about it.”
I let out a loud laugh. “You can’t be serious. Why would I be in love with Anders?”
“Well, I can’t seem to come up with any other explanation for why you are so deeply bothered by the fact that he has a girlfriend.”
“I’m not bothered by it.”
“Of course you’re not. I don’t think you would have run out of the room faster even if it had been Charles and his girlfriend.” Lorcan shook his head. “I’m not an idiot, Eva.”
“Even if I was in love with Anders, which I’m not, what do you mean we’ve both been too daft? Anders doesn’t feel anything towards me. He doesn’t seem to miss me at all. I’m dating you now.”
He rubbed his forehead. “It started out with him being distracted by Quidditch, but then he saw that I was interested in you, so he kept his distance. Do you really think Anders is the type of bloke to fend someone off when it comes to girls?”
“If he really cared about me, then he would have.” Now Lorcan was interested in me, and I liked him. I really did.
“Eva… I’m your best mate. I’ve always been your best mate, and that means I have to do what’s best for you.”
I lifted my chin slightly. “Does that mean that you’re finally going to snog me?”
Lorcan stared at me for a moment, clearly pained, before speaking. “It means that I’m taking myself out of the running. I’m letting Anders have you. He’s what’s best for you.”
Was he drunk? Under the Imperius Curse? Did he have some sort of brain damage? In what universe was Anders possibly good for me? “What, have you forgotten about the whole abandoning me thing?”
“He was an idiot for doing that, and he won’t do it again. Eva… I know you. You want the house with the white picket fence. You want the happily ever after. You deserve that. You deserve to have a functional family full of people who care about you.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Anders is the one with the history of being predictable, safe, and caring. He’s the one who will come home at 5 every night to play with your kids.”
I glared at him. “What if I don’t want that with him?”
“You do. You’re mad at him, but under that you want it. You’ve wanted it for years.” He kissed my forehead. “I’m the loose twin, remember? The wild twin. Anders is what’s best for you, love.” Lorcan brushed my hair back. “I don’t expect you to understand this right now, but… You’ll thank me for it someday.”
“Lorcan!” This wasn’t fair. Didn’t I have some say in this? Fine, I’ll admit it, I had had feelings for Anders. But I had the same feelings for Lorcan, maybe even stronger feelings. I was happy with Lorcan. Anders didn’t want me.
He winked at me before slipping out of the room.
I really should win an award for this. Worst. Valentine’s. Day. Ever.
Author's Note: Dramatic, no? I want to hear what you guys think will happen next! The first half of White Blank Page is coming to a close in the next few chapters as sixth year comes to a close, and then it's on to seventh! And then... the sequel.