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Chapter 2: Eat your Toe
wonderful chapter image by paradox. at TDA!
I just didn’t get it. I stared down at the homework in front of me and sighed. How was I supposed to even do this strange calculation? I thought this was Astronomy, not Arithmacy. Bollucks. And how in the world am I supposed to get letters out of it?!
I guess I probably looked a little disturbed. Whenever I get stressed or don’t understand something, I need to chew on something. My nails were normally my chew toy, but since they were already nubs, my quill seemed pretty desirable. I think I must have had a feather on me when Remus Lupin glanced at me, his eyebrows almost touching. I’m sure he was having an internal battle as to ask me what was going on.
Except now my face itched. I really think I have a feather around my mouth, particularly close to my nose. If I just grabbed at my face, I’m sure I’d look more insane than Remus thought me to be. So I just tried to twitch it off my face. At first it was just scrunching my nose, but then my mouth started pursing as I tried to rid myself of that feather.
“Are you alright?” Remus asked, trying his best not to make me sound mental.
“I can’t get this damn feather off of my bloody face!” I growled, finally raising my hand to my face and trying to brush it away to no avail.
“What feather?” Remus asked.
Oh great. Now was I not only insane, I was now hallucinating things. Real good for my non-existent reputation. Bugger.
“What do you want?” I asked, now irritated that there was no feather on my face. I still felt that tickle beneath my nose, however. Maybe I was hallucinating things.
“Excuse me?” Remus asked.
Great, was I imagining him staring at me earlier, too?
“You were…watching me bite my quill.” I said. “Though I could be imagining it. Like that bloody feather.”
“Uhm….you just look like you’re having some trouble with your homework.” Remus said, gesturing to the roll in front of me.
Right, that was what got that damn imaginary feather beneath my nose in the first place.
“Right! Well…I wasn’t in Astronomy the other day and Teddy got my homework for me. Not a single clue how I’m supposed to do it. I was contemplating throwing it in the fire, but I think Teddy put a charm on it so I can’t…” And believe me, I’d tried already.
“The Astronomy assignment? It’s just an equation, really.” Remus said, moving from his spot on the armchair and over to me.
“I feel like nargles ate my brain out. I have no idea how I’m supposed to get two lousy letters.” I mumbled. He looked at what I already had and let out a small laugh.
“Well, let’s go look at your constellation, shall we?” Remus said, getting up from his seat and heading over towards the window. “Some people weren’t lucky enough to be able to see their constellation since it wasn’t their time around. Luckily for you, Cancer occurred not too long ago and should still be up there.”
I stared at the sky and all I saw was nothing. Sure, a bunch of twinkling stars, but that’s all it looked like. I never understood how people played connect the dots with the stars. I preferred to pretend the stars were people, some closer than others. I had even found myself one night in the sky, an extra bright star, but one that seemed to be alone in the sky. I named it Lenny Jr. L.J. for short.
“So you just have to plug in your coordinates of your head star along with your birth date. I personally think it’s a load of rubbish, this whole mate thing, but it’s proven by Astrologists, so who am I to argue?” Remus rambled. He wrote down the coordinates for me, letting me do the rest.
When Teddy had given me the assignment, I didn’t know what to do with it, honestly. When I didn’t understand it, I had wanted to throw it in the fire or eat it, but the parchment wouldn’t allow me to.
That’s when I had read the instructions Teddy scribbled across the top: This equation is proven by countless magical Astrologists to find the initials of your future mate. It is, however, open to error, but it is 99% effective.
I thought I’d come up with something actually realistic. Like the word “Pony”. Who wouldn’t want to marry a pony anyways? You wouldn’t have to walk for the rest of your life, because your husband would feel obligated to let you ride on him wherever you went. Even when you gained that extra 30 lbs after being married, he wouldn’t care, because he’s strong and will carry you anyways.
It seemed more promising than a human.
“It’s what Sirius was talking about earlier. He got the initials L.C. No one could figure out who it was, so he decided to write her a letter.” Remus was still talking, though I was barely paying attention.
“Thanks for helping me, Remus. I think I can get it from here.” I told him, trying to smile at him. He returned it (thank Merlin my smile looked normal).
“I’m going to head off to bed. Goodnight, Lenny.” Remus said, before disappearing up the boy’s staircase.
I continued to sit by the window, finding my lone star. It looked so lonely, I suddenly felt bad for it. I wanted to hop up into the sky and join it. There was only one star even remotely close to it. It was almost as bright as my star, but had a bunch of other stars hanging around it. Bloody popular star.
A tap on the window made me fall flat onto the floor. My head hit an end table, a throb throwing itself into my head. I looked up to see a jet black owl hooting outside on the ledge. Damn owl, what did it want this late at night?!
I opened the window, very carefully. Owls and I didn’t get along well. They liked to bite my finger as though it were their chew toy. I hid beneath the end table I had just hit my head on, in hopes that the owl would just leave.
Luckily, it did. I sighed in relief and looked up from my spot to see a letter sitting there, a seal on it with the initials L.C written across it.
Well, I’m Lenny Crowley, right? I’m assuming the owl meant to leave this for me. I picked it up and teared it open, not expecting to receive what was before my eyes.
I’ve been searching for you high and low, but I can’t seem to find out who you are. I’m sure you’ve heard of the Astronomy problem that happened to all 7th years. I just so happened to come up with your initials.
I would love to put a name to a face. Can we meet some time?
I frowned down at the paper. A person who constantly tried to avoid me like the plague thought we were meant to be together? I nearly laughed myself into hysterics.
This was funny. Sirius Black had gone almost as mental as me. People thought I was the crazy one? Wait until they got a load of this.
That was when I looked back to my homework to see the equation already done in Remus’ neat handwriting. Maybe he should take up being a writer and just write with a quill his entire life, that’s how neat it was.
I couldn’t ignore the letters at the bottom of the page, something that he had underlined.
It would just be my horrible luck. I need a sweet or something. The taste in my mouth was horribly bitter.
I took out a piece of parchment from my bag (praying to Merlin the monsters didn’t try to eat my hand) and started to write back:
Go die in a hole. Better yet, eat your toe. I’m sure you’d think it was scrumptious, since you already think so highly of yourself.
It’s better if my identity were a secret.
Not so sincere,
I looked around me, as though the owl would appear out of thin air again. No such luck. I stared down at my folded letter that I had taken to write S.B as the seal and had no idea what to do with it.
Maybe I should feed it to the fire. That would be lovely. Then I would never have to deal with Sirius Black, the boy who thought so lowly of me.
Then again, who didn’t think lowly of me? It’s not my fault that I talk without thinking. It’s also not my fault that words just flow out of my mouth. Weird ones. Very weird ones.
That’s when I made one of the dumbest decisions of my life. I climbed the boy’s staircase quietly and slipped the letter under the 7th year boy’s door.
At the time, I had thought no harm in making that bloody smirk wipe right off of Sirius Black’s face. It might even be enjoyable. I’ll have to enjoy the scene at breakfast with toast and pumpkin juice. Delicious.
I just didn’t think of what the consequences might be.
I had woken up early, just incase the Marauders decided to go down to breakfast at any unreasonable time. Which they didn’t. I had to sit with my toast and pumpkin juice for nearly a half hour while waiting. It’s alright though, the more pumpkin juice that the toast absorbed, the better.
Toast was like a sponge, it just ate the pumpkin juice until there was no more room within it’s body to hold it. It was always the best tasting whenever every nook and cranny within the toast’s core was full of pumpkin juice.
When they came in, Sirius looked extremely disheveled. His face was set in a frown and didn’t seem to be talking to the other Marauders. They all sat down, not too far away from me. I felt like an evil mistress, but I smiled all the same and made sure I looked nonchalant as I tried to listen to their conversation.
“What’d it even say, mate?” James asked in hushed tones.
Hehe, he didn’t know the hushed tones weren’t hushed enough.
“She told me to eat my toe.” Sirius grumbled. All of his mates held back a laugh.
I wondered if Sirius actually had tried to eat his toe. I hope he found out it’s not the appetizing. Believe me, I’ve tried.
“So she’s still a mystery girl, huh?” Remus asked, but I couldn’t help notice his eyes flicked down to me.
Bollucks, Remus Lupin knew I was L.C. I didn’t really think about it before, but he was the one who did the equation for me. Of course he would know. I had silently hoped he was obliviated last night.
“More a mystery than ever and she apparently hates me! What have I ever done to a girl to make her hate me?” Sirius asked, but I already knew the answer.
“If you haven’t noticed, you think all girls should kiss your buttocks and carve your name into the ground.” I said, not noticing I had let my mouth open before it was too late.
Sirius’s cold eyes landed straight on me, noticing me sitting there for the first time. “Crowley, mind your own business.”
“Watch it, Black. That’s my sister.” Teddy had joined us, taking the seat that was in between me and the Marauders.
I envisioned Teddy in a shiny armored suit. He wielded a sword and I called him my protector. He saved me from unwantend cold glares and kept up a strong front. Knight Teddy…that didn’t sound right. Knight Theodore. There you go.
“Sorry, mate. I’m just a little irked this morning. L.C wrote me back. Wasn’t too pleasant.” Sirius mumbled, taking my letter out of his pocket and handing it to Teddy.
Teddy scanned the paper, his brow furrowing. He looked like a catapillar had landed on his forehead and he was just realizing it now. I giggled to myself and soaked another piece of toast. .
“This kinda sounds like…like…” I watched as Teddy looked directly at me, his eyes freezing in realization.
Oh darn, I was never good at this game. I could never look serious when I needed to. My face normally gave away everything. I needed to get his attention away from me. So I did the only thing I could do.
Threw my piece of soaked toast.
Just my luck, it slapped Sirius right in his face. Fantastic for our relationship, right?
It was kind of funny though. Sirius had let out an extremely girly shriek when the toast hit his face. It seemed to stick there, not wanting to get off of his face. Good toast. Shield me from Sirius’s cold glares.
He ripped it off of his face, revealing a very red-faced Sirius Black. I just gaped, not sure if the words that would come out of my mouth could make the situation any better. When did that ever stop me before?
“You look like a tomato…not an ugly tomato! A cute tomato? No, Lenny, that’s pushing it-er… would sorry suffice here or should I just not say a single word?” I kept my mouth going, unable to control it.
“Shut up, Lenny.” Teddy said, shaking his head at me once more. Except this time, I wasn’t being quite comical.
“I could kill you, Crowley.” Sirius growled, grabbing a napkin viciously.
“But… you won’t… because Potter would kill you if he was without a keeper before we play Ravenclaw.” I tried. Would he really kill me? Was he capable of doing that? Well, his family had a history of doing that, so maybe he wouldn’t hesitate.
Realization started to dawn to me. He was going to kill me! Who was I supposed to say goodbye to? Teddy?
“Lenny, he’s not going to kill you.” Teddy whispered to me. It must have been just as apparent on my face as it was in my head.
“I’m leaving, anyways.” I whispered back, getting up quickly and dashing out of the Great Hall before Sirius had a chance to pick up a knife and murder me.
Author's Note: So what do you think? Good, bad, need to change a few things? I know I probably have some grammar problems, so if I do, let me know in a polite manner, please! I always take constructive feedback.
As long as it's constructive.
I know it's kind of slow right now and might be boring, but I have the whole plot line and everything, so I will be updating! Review and all of that! Let me hear your ideas too!