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And Mayhem Ensues by starryskies55
Chapter 10: Slap-happy Hyperactivity
“No school,” I sang as we ate breakfast. “No schoooooooool. No school. No classes. No work. No schoooooool."
“Homework though,” said Lily.
“Homework? Pah! I scoff at homework,” I said. I waved toast in outside’s general direction, i.e. all around. “Look! Sun equals FUN!”
It was sunny outside, but it was that weak autumn sun without warmth. I was excited about this, because I was a bit slap-happy. Last night with James wasn’t the best sleep I could have had, and that combined with my early mornings, later than usual nights and the actual work that we were doing made me very, very tired. My song was punctuated by yawns. Unfortunately, I knew how today would go. I would be really happy and excited about nothing until about eleven/twelve. Then I’d start getting grumpy and snap at people. So I would ingest large amounts of caffeine, sugary foods and milk. Did you know milky drinks keep you awake? What the fuck was Horlicks? Mind = blown.
Anyway. The keep-awake foods and stuff would keep me awake. Usually all night- and then I’d spend the day after like a zombie. Whoopee.
“Whoopee!” I sang, grabbing James’ hands as he appeared in the Hall, and spun him around. “Jaaames! No schooool!!”
“It’s like she’s ET,” said Alice, sitting down with Frank. They both usually sat with Frank’s year.
I stopped spinning, and held out my finger. James warily touched it with his. “James..” I crooned. “No schooool. ET..... Phone home.....”
Frank pinched some bacon off my plate. I scowled at him. I considered growling, but checked myself just in time. “Alice,” he said conversationally, “Did I ever tell you how freaky your friends were?”
We all laughed –mine slightly louder and freakier- and Alice grinned. “Several times.”
I dragged everyone –including Alice, Lily and Frank, all of whom were insisting they should do work- outside, and we sat in the Marauders favourite spot, underneath the shady tree by the lake. We did have to kick some first-years out from under the tree, but I didn’t feel too guilty about it. Lily did.
“Why are first-years so small? And why are there so many? Do they breed or something? There has got to be at least as many first-years as the rest of the school put together,” I said in all one breath.
“Yes,” said Lily. “Eleven year olds breed, and their spawn are identical tiny children with huge bags.” She rolled her eyes at us.
“I knew it!” Frank and I exclaimed at the same time. We high-fived.
Frank and Lily had performed some pretty advanced magic, charming the ground so it wasn’t wet. Lily had her back to the tree and was trying to help Peter with some Transfiguration homework. I was pacing around the tree. Sirius was up the tree, and every time Lily turned a page in her textbook, he shook water off the leaves onto her head. She’d given up swearing at him. Remus was lying on his front and plaiting the long bits of grass. Frank was stretched out, and he’d pulled Alice close so her head was pillowed on his arm. Every so often he’d run her hands through her hair. It was all very cute.
James was lying flat on the ground, hands behind his head and staring blankly up at the sky. I sat on his stomach.
I jumped straight back up. “Shine a light!” I exclaimed. “You have some muscles.”
He slapped his six-pack. “Tell me about it.”
“I am,” he continued, undaunted, “The best chaser that the Gryffindor team has ever seen.”
“James,” Frank said boredly, “Have you realised I’m captain this year? And I’m a chaser too?”
“Admit it Frank, I’m a superstar.”
I sat on James again. “Who even says superstar? Apart from ABBA.”
“I do,” he said in a deep voice.
“How’s our new chaser getting on?” I heard Sirius rustle above us as he poked his head through the leaves.
Frank groaned. “He’s awful.”
“Cut him some slack, isn’t he twelve?” Alice said.
“That’s why me and Frank have been taking him on private practices, but he can’t catch!” said James angrily.
“Catching is quite an important skill for a chaser,” Lily observed.
“Why didn’t you try-out, Evans?” James asked.
“Because you’d ask me out every five minutes and make me drop the Quaffle.”
James grinned up at me, and I took that as my cue. I threw a pine cone at her. “Oy! That is my boyfriend you’re talking about.”
“Its official then?” she said. “Congrats guys.” She didn’t look up from her books and I could tell she was peeved. Maybe the shitty plan was working. James was a genius.
There was more rustling as Sirius moved around in the tree, showering us with leaves. James pulled me down next to him, and I whispered lightly in his ear; “I think it’s working!”
In return he lightly kissed the tip of my nose, and a warm shiver went through me. He had soft lips.
“We need a new Chaser,” Frank said. “Especially if you keep getting detentions and missing practice, because our reserves look scared every time the ball gets near them.”
“Isn’t the first game against Hufflepuff?” Remus asked. “Won’t we walk it?”
“Not if there is one person not there. You two have to keep out of trouble!” Frank said, looking accusingly at James and up the tree.
“That’s a bit rich! We had to move the last two practices because you got detentions because you stuck a dungbomb in Sluggy’s cauldron,” James huffed.
“And you’ve forgotten to move the next one because you cut off Louise Midgen’s ponytail,” Sirius added.
James cracked up, and Alice leaped up. “You did what?”
Frank was trying to keep a straight face. “She was sitting right in front of me, and it was wobbling and putting me off my work, so-”
“Whoosh!” said James, miming slicing my hair off with his wand. I grabbed his hands. I trusted James touching my hair about as far as I could throw him.
“Did she think that was funny?” Alice snapped. You could tell she was only being righteous; her face kept contorting with her effort not to laugh.
“Well, we did!” Frank said defensively. He stood up and gave Sirius the finger. “Thanks a lot, tosser.” He approached her with his arms open. “Forgive me!”
“No! You pick on poor Louise because she’s got acne-” she started, trying to squirm out of his embrace, but he stopped her with a kiss.
She pushed him away. “Would you love me if I had acne?”
“Of course!” Frank managed to sound offended. “You are beautiful on the inside as well as outside.”
Lily and I looked at each other, our faces in the same ‘n’awwwwww’ expression.
“Unfortunately,” Frank continued. “Poor Louise Midgen isn’t pretty inside at all. In fact, she’s quite plain.”
“It’s all those toads,” Sirius confided.
“Toads are cute!” Alice said, consenting to lie down with Frank again.
“Who’s in the team?” I asked James.
“Sirius and a fifth year called Shane Walker are Beaters, our Seeker is Mandy Griffiths in third-year, Lawrence Wood is our Keeper, he’s sixth-year. And then we’ve got the complete nincompoop otherwise known as Bart Somers as Chaser, and me and Frank are the other-”
“PETER!” Sirius suddenly interrupted, yelling from up the tree. “ARE YOU LOOKING DOWN LILY’S BRA?”
Lily and Peter both leaped up, Remus had to roll out of the way, Sirius jumped down from the tree and James pulled me upright with him. Major upheaval.
Frank was convulsed with laughter. Alice smacked him. I didn’t think it was funny either. Peter’s cheeks were burning, and Sirius whacked him upside the head. “At least do it subtly, like I do,” he said, laughing and Peter blushed even more fiercely.
He grabbed his bags and waddled quickly back up to the castle. You could see his red ears clearly, not helped by Frank and Sirius: chortling was the only word to describe the weird sounds they were making. Everyone soon settled down again, but Lily refused to let Sirius back up the tree, and she buttoned up her cardigan.
At about eleven, I could feel my hyperactivity wearing off. I stopped dancing. “I need caffeine!” I whined, flopping exaggeratedly onto the ground.
“Do you want to go the kitchens?” James asked.
I bobbed back up again. “We can go to the kitchens? Oh my dear MERLIN, YES! To the kitchens!” I said, holding out one arm like Superman. “Onwards, my friends!”
Frank pulled Alice up. “Come on, we’ll come too, and bring back a picnic for you guys.”
They walked off, holding hands, and I grabbed James’. “Come on!” I repeated. “We’re gonna have-”
“SEX!” yelled Sirius.
I stuck out my tongue at him, but Lily broke her quill by pressing too hard on the parchment. Ink blotted everywhere. Plan= working! “So crude,” I told Sirius. “Cake and caffeine.”
“I don’t think I can take Eva any more excited,” James called back to the tree. “Save me!” I pulled him onwards anyway.
To get to the kitchens, you have to tickle a pear in a painting. Amazing. And behind the painting is heaven, where every whim is catered to by cute house-elves. All are cute.
Some are so ugly it’s cute. Alice and Frank were soon laden with food to go outside again, but James stopped me from following with a long, deep kiss.
He broke away only when they had left, and he smiled at me. “Give them something to talk about.”
By them I knew he meant Lily, so we spent all afternoon eating. I actually really like spending time with James.
“I love the way you don’t care what you eat,” James told me around our third cheesecake.
I looked at him quizzically, my mouth full.
“I mean, it’s nice that you aren’t counting every calorie,” he said. “Not many girls do that.”
I waited for him to mention Lily but he didn’t. So I shoved a slice of Oreo-topped cheesecake in his mouth, and he grinned, before advancing, wielding a four-foot Toblerone like a sword.
A/N: Is ‘boredly’ a word? And this is for Catherine, who wondered how I would portray Alice/Frank. Hope you like it! Now, I try to make this as historically accurate as possible. And I'm pretty sure ET and ABBA were both out while they were in school. If not, efin! Who cares. (Enfin is French for eh? Just brilliant.) I don't know about Toblerone and Oreos though.... I was hungry when I wrote this.
So, please review! I love you for getting this far, and I'm giving out e-cookies to reviewers. Honestly. :)
More Frank, and we're going to finally learn Eva's secret soon!! :) I'M EXCITED! No idea why, because I already know. It's you in suspense! HAHA! Now I feel evil. :)
MUCH LOVE xxxxx