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Larry Rotter and the Philosopher's Cologne by Sillymoo
Chapter 8: Chapter 8 - To Pigburps!
An hour later, Cakeo was back.
“Hey there love-muffin, we’ll be arriving soon so you should change into your robes,” he said to Wrong, without even glancing and Larry.
“Uh, okay. Thanks,” Wrong replied, waiting for Cakeo to leave.
“Oh don’t mind me,” the fat boy said, plonking himself down on a seat and staring dreamy eyed at Wrong.
Wrong coughed nervously. “Um, I’d, er feel a um bit more comfortable if you know, um...”
Fortunately, he was interrupted by a high pitched call of “Anything off the trolley, dears?”
Mouthboy’s ears pricked up at the sound, and he was out of the compartment surprisingly quickly considering his size.
“No need to thank me, Wrong. Just doing my brotherly duty,” said a thing coming into the compartment. Larry had no idea what else to call it to be honest. At first glance it looked a ferret walking on all four legs, but instead of hind legs it had another set of front legs, and instead of a tail or a butt region of any kind there was another furry head. It was like Cat-Dog Larry used to see on TV, but it was more like Ferret-Ferret. It was quite odd to say the least.
“Great impression of the trolley lady there Freorge,” said the second head.
“Why thank you Freorge! I’ve been working on my accents; do you want to hear Prince Charles?” answered the first head.
Larry looked on in bemused bemusement.
“Larry, these are my brothers, Freorge. Freorge, this is my new friend Larry,” Wrong introduced.
“Hi there!” the ferret heads said simultaneously.
“Hang on a minute. Freorge,” one half of Freorge addressed the other half of Freorge. “Doesn’t he look like Larry Rotter?”
“Why, I do believe your right Freorge,” the other half replied. “If there was any a need for a Larry Rotter look-alike, you would be the first port of call.”
“No, Freorge, this is Larry Rotter. The real Larry Rotter. He has the scar and everything!” Wrong explained. “Larry, show them the scar!”
Larry went through the palaver of unscrunching his face, removing his monocle and pulling back his hair to reveal the fish.
“Woah!” The Freorge said.
“So go on then!” said one of Freorge’s heads. This one’s ear was partly chewed.
“What?” Larry answered, confused.
“Show us!” said Chewed-Ear-Freorge.
“I don’t understand, show you what?”
“Whatever super-cool Kung Fu moves you did to defeat Mouldywarts!” In-tact-ear-Freorge said.
“I was a baby! I didn’t do Kung Fu! I don’t know how I defeated him, maybe he’s allergic to dribble or something.”
“Well that’s disappointing,” Chewed-ear-Freorge said. “See you at Pigburps!” Both heads said as they turned around to leave.
“Sorry about my brothers,” Wrong apologised once the door swung shut behind them. “They’re not as bad as Pervy, believe me!”
“Pervy?” Larry questioned.
“Yeah that’s my third oldest brother.”
“Third oldest? How many do you have?”
“Well there’s Ill, he left Pigburps years ago, but he hasn’t been able to find a job. Everyone is reluctant to hire someone with the name Ill, they think he’ll take too many sick days. Then there’s Smarmy. He’s a bit of a nightmare, thank god he lives in Germany now, so I barely see him. Then there’s Pervy, he scares away all my friends. He’s a bit... overly friendly.
Then there’s Freorge, they’re okay. Then there’s me, I’m second youngest, then Grinny my only sister. She’ll be coming to Pigburps next year.”
“Woah! That must be great! I bet you’re never lonely.”
“Yeah I suppose... Anyway, we’ll be arriving soon, better change into our robes.”
Larry took the tiny trunk out of his pocket. Doreen shrunk it down for him so he wouldn't have to lug it about everywhere. She also taught him the spells to regrow it and shrink it back down again. He took out his new wand out of his pocket and cleared his throat.
“Growgio!” he said, causing the trunk to return to normal trunk size. He took out his new robes and shrunk the trunk again by saying “Shrinkio!”
He looked up to see Wrong looking at him in amazement.
“You can do spells already? I bet you were practising all summer!” Wrong said.
“Actually no that was the first time I’d used those spells, or any spells for that matter. But I’m the Boy-Who-Didn’t-Die-When-Mouldywarts-Tried-To-Kill-Him. It’s to be expected that I can perform spells at my first attempt, right?”
“Uh, yeah I suppose.”
They got changed into their robes and as they sat back down the real trolley lady came, with a mountain of sweets and snacks on her cart.
Larry got his money out of his pocket and asked the witch if she had any Magic Stars.
“Magic Stars? What are they?” asked Wrong.
“Sorry, pet. We have Jelly Owls, Pumpkin Pixies, Super-Dooper Magic Beans, Liquorice Wands and Cauldron Clusters,” reeled off the little old witch.
“Ur, then no thanks! Don’t want to get a disease from some random sweets no-one has ever heard of thanks!” Larry said, returning to the compartment and sitting down, his stomach grumbling.
A minute or two later, Wrong came back armed with what looked like everything from the trolley.
“Come on Larry, try a Cauldron Cluster, they’re awesome! Much better than your Magic Moons or whatever you said.”
“They’re Magic Stars! And nothing is better than Magic Stars! I will not eat any of your crazy food! Ooh, are they Jelly Babies?”
“No shere shelly owlsh,” Wrong mumbled, chomping on a liquorice wand. He swallowed then tried again. “No, they’re Jelly Owls. Do you want one?”
“Well, they look harmless enough.” Larry took one from the packet Wrong held out for him and bit off a wing cautiously. “Hmm, that’s actually quite nice.” He took a handful and put them all in his mouth at once. However, as he chewed, a strange look came across his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a strange hooting.
“Oh!” Wrong gasped. “I forgot! There are some side effects if you eat too many when you’re not used to them!”
Larry hooted something that sounded like owl speak for “Now you tell me? What am I going to do?”
“Well, I suppose you’re just going to have to wait for it to pass. I’m sorry, Larry.”
As Wrong spoke, the train began to slow down and they came to a halt. They had arrived!