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Chapter 1: Forgotten
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My feet moved on their own accord. I had no control of them. I had no control over anything, my breathing, my heart beating. It shouldn’t be beating not after what I had just seen. I felt as if my heart had betrayed me by still beating, I should have been shattered broken into a billion pieces unable to be put together again.
The memories that I so willed to forget shoved themselves into my head. Happy memories, the ones that made everything so much harder and more painful. Memories of Alice.
Her beautiful soft brown hair, her sparkling hazel eyes, her cute quiet chuckle... Everything about her made me love her, the way she playfully hit me when I teased her, how when she cried and I came to her aid, she would push me away only to come back and find my comfort three minutes later.
I missed her so much already, she had changed me turned me from who I was becoming into who I am now and then she had to leave.
New memories replaced the old. New, ice cold memories. They came back as if each were painted as a separate portrait moving along my head so fast they made one movement, they were pictures of Alice’s ice cold body her skin blue and wet. How I had pushed my way away from the front of the crowd around her, tried not to let my emotion roll of me to obviously. I had to keep my composure, I had to act as if I had never loved the girl lying cold and lifeless next to the lake, she was just another girl, just another muggleborn girl, no different to the rest of them.
But she wasn’t some girl, she wasn’t like the rest of them. She was different, she was mine and now she was gone. My feet picked up pace, I started running, I need to get out of the corridors the very same corridors I had spent most of my days with Alice. I needed to escape the walls that were closing in on me. Suffocating me.
I ran to a place I knew I would be alone, away from my memories. A place where I had never been with Alice, a place I went to before and only before I met her.
The forbidden forest loomed over me gloomy and grey just like I had remembered it.
Before if there were ever a time I was lost or lonely, I came to the forest. I had spent hours there, just talking to the creatures that had inhabited the place. This all stopped though, when I had met Alice. I had felt no need in coming and hiding here anymore, I had her and that was all I had needed.
“So, I see you’ve come back.” the cold hard voice shattered my reverie. I swiveled around to find one of my old companions, slowly making his way out of the shadows. “Thought I would never see you again, what happed?”
“I… er got distracted.” I couldn’t let him know what had actually happened.
“Yes, I see quite distracted, to bad she died” his blunt words pressed hard on the knife that was lodged in my heart. Damn those bloody goblins who know everything. I tried to fight off the pain that was re-swallowing me whole, as the memories were once again shoving themselves back into my mind.
Instead I tried thinking about something else, Bakarjuk (my..er goblin friend) had worked in Gringots, once upon a time, until he tried to steal a gobbling made dagger from one of the Gringots safe holders, naturally he was kicked out. He had nowhere else to go and Dumbledore being the way he is, convinced the headmaster to let him live in the forest.
Bakarjuk continued filling the desperate silence that had spread between us. “I could make you forget her you know.” I looked at the goblin, not sure what he meant not quite able to grasp on what he was saying before he continued, “If you forget her you won’t have to deal with the pain of the memories.”
Was he in his own way trying to help? I couldn’t understand were this was coming from. Bakarjuk had been my constant companion for the past few years and we were a little more than acquaintances granted, but we had never had that kind of relationship, the kind where one would do something for the other.
I thought about his offer. Sure it would be nice not to feel the bone crushing pain I was feeling now, or the felling of loss as I remember all the sneaking around and hushed dates, that were never going to happen again. But to forget Alice completely? No, it was worth the pain, remembering her spark, her shine, her kindness. Forget the only person who actually believed in me? No, I didn’t want to forget her she was mine and always would be and I was never going to forget that.
“N..”I started to decline to the goblin, but I was too late. I had taken too long to decide and Bakarjuk was already casting his spell.
It hit me in a jet of purple light and I was nocked backward off my feet. I felt myself lose control of my memories. It is a weird feeling not being in control of one’s mind, sort of like watching a picture move but inside you head not like thinking, with this you never knew what was going to happen next.
Bakarjuk selected a memory of Alice, it shone as clear as that day in my mind, it was the first time I had kissed her, it was late afternoon the sun just starting to set, we were in the astronomy tower just her and I. It was my greatest memory the memory I used when I casted a patronus.
I watched as the memory centered in my mind, screaming for Barajuk to stop. But it was useless, nothing came out my mouth, I lay lump and idle on the soft, fragrant forest leaves, watching my most precious memory disappear slowly before my eyes. It started disappearing bit by bit staring in the top left corner and went away as quick as burning paper.
Than the next image came and disappeared the same way and the next and the... it was the most torturous experience of my whole life, more torturous than Alice dying, because if she only died I still had her memories. Now, I had nothing. Yes it was defiantly the worst thing that had ever happened to me. Worse than my mother, my father, that orphanage or the person I was becoming.
A thought flittered across my mind, ‘If I forget her does that mean ill become the same horrible person I was becoming before?’ I didn’t get to address it because I was distracted by the last image I had left of Alice and I. It was the one where I had just starting to talk to Alice, thinking how a filthy mudblood could have such an interesting opinion. It disappeared too, the same as all the others.
“There. How’s that?” Bakarjuk was talking to me. I lifted myself off the disgusting wet carpet of leaves.
“How’s what? What am I doing on the ground?” What was I doing in the forest? Last I remembered I was in the Slytherin common room talking to some blonde girl, who was telling me there had just been a murder on school grounds, who was murdered though I couldn’t remember.
“So you don’t remember a thing?” He asked again. This cryptic tone was starting to annoy me I needed to get out of here before I broke his neck.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m leaving” I turned around and started walking away leaving the forest and a muttering Bakarjuk behind me.
“It worked. He’s gone back from the pathetic Tom he was becoming, from the influence of that stupid muggle, to the great Voldemort I pledged my alliance to. Looks like he’s completely Forgotten”
A/N: Hi :D sooooo what do you think? A bit much? I don’t know how I got the idea it just sort of popped into my head I thought Tom Riddle couldn’t have gone with no love at all,( I'm a sucker for love :S) anyway PLEASE REVIEW !!