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Chapter 1: My Little Sailboat
Last night I crawled into my little sailboat because I missed you. Winding down the river, I let the creaking and groaning of the boat carry me to sleep. With every twist and turn, I thought of you. Every shadow melted into your face and every dream ended with you. I'm trapped in my own memories and the pain you caused me is inescapable.
Last night, I let my little sailboat land on your shore. The light of the moon lit up the sand and I could hear your pleas in the distance. I wondered if you still thought of me. It's haunting me and I can only hear reality crashing all around me. I have not accepted it yet.
Last night, I felt the cool water lapping into my little sailboat. Its gentle chill awoke me from the world of the past and the never happening. I let the water crawl in-between my toes and send shivers up my spine. I wondered if the water was cool to you as I sat on your shore, or if I was just too high up in my melting world to notice how real the water was.
Last night, I let the sand ooze onto my feet as I stepped off of my little sailboat. On your shore, I build us two sandcastles. Mine had windows on all sides and two chairs. My chair had a wilted freesia you left in my little sailboat long ago because they are your favourite flowers; your chair was empty. Your castle was decorated with violets because nothing else appears to grow on your shore. The walls were thick and sturdy, concealing everything inside so all I could see were the violets. I wondered if the violets hiding the real you were just covering up the lies you lived. I wondered why I still loved the violets.
Last night, I found your footprints in the sand and let my feet fall where yours were. I walked in countless circles, only pausing to look up at the night sky when I had forgotten why I had looked down the last time. I wondered what you were thinking about when you walked in countless circles. I hoped it was me.
Last night, I saw the stars twinkling and surrounding the full moon beating down on me. When I saw the stars you always told me about, I looked back down at the ground again. I wondered if your mother knew that you would run to the stars when she gave you a piece of the earth as your name. I wondered if she was as lonely without you as I am. I think she is.
Last night, I ran my fingers over where you carved our initials into the edge of my little sailboat. Over and over again, I traced them with my grimy fingers. Over and over again, I let myself believe that you still thought of me. I wondered if you meant it when you put my name next to yours. I wondered if the dented heart was supposed to mean you loved me. I hoped it still meant something.
Last night, I thought of your friends and wondered if they still thought of me. I told myself that you were as loyal to me as you were to the monster your friend became on those dreaded nights I spent alone by the fireplace. I made myself believe you were not the monster that lurked behind all of me. I wondered if there is a monster in all of us. I thought of something else so I would not have to answer my own question.
Last night, I tied my little sailboat up to the tree you always docked my little sailboat at. I slipped the knot through my fingers a thousand times, reminding myself that you always tied it like that. I wondered if you had tied a knot around our tree when you were here just hours before me. I wondered if it was even you who left me the footprints to trace.
Last night I crawled back into my little sailboat and let the rocking of the boat in the gentle water carry me away to a land where you still haunted me, but I would not remember the eerie things I had mulled over. I wished upon your star that I might forget where I was and dream a normal dream. I wondered if you wished on stars. I wondered if my countless wishes on your stars were ever heard.
This morning, I wrote you a note in the sand closest to the water. I carved out each letter carefully before sending the water over my wishes so only the violets were left floating on the shallow depths. This morning, I took my little sailboat down the river and all the while thought of my note for you that had washed away and off your shore.
If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,
I'll sail the world to find you
A/N: This was just a little one-shot I wrote basically on a whim. The quote at the end is from Bruno Mars' song Count on Me, as I thought it fit well with the sailboat thing. Thanks to TheProphecy for beta-ing this for me! I hoped you enjoyed this, and as always, I would love to hear what you thought! :)