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Chapter 3: Thoughts, about a week later
Chapter 3: Thoughts, about a week later
A/N: This chapter was tricky to write because the situation is so complicated. They're going through terrible grief, but there's overwhelming happiness that comes from having the weight lifted of not constantly being in danger. Read, and see what I mean. Enjoy.
Chapter 3: Thoughts, about a week later
Harry still hadn’t told me what happened over the past year or about why he did what he did in battle. I was angry. ‘Why did he have to rip my heart out and pretend to be dead?!’ At the same time, I knew I needed to let him have time to recover for a little while, but we needed to get past this that topic so we can move on to others. The Funeral/ Memorial service was the next day and I didn’t want to have to bring it up much after it was over, if ever. Harry had the idea of including anyone and everyone who had died in the fight against Voldemort, whether it was recent or years ago, since there had never been a chance to acknowledge them. McGonagall thought it was a great idea. We would include Sirius, Regulus (Harry had told me he'd explain that later), and Ted Tonks, plus a few others that had come to McGonagall with requests.
Harry and I were wandering around the lake; I could tell he was nervous because Andromeda and Teddy were coming today so Harry can finally meet our Godson. Tonks had told me she wanted me to be his Godmother, and I was shocked. I hadn’t really known her too well, just since my 4th year. I remembered her saying that since she didn’t have any sisters, she thought of me as one. I remembered Harry probably didn’t know and would be a good way to open the conversation to the other things I needed to know.
Just when I was about to, though, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him for a hug.
He nuzzled into my hair and neck when he spoke, “Ginny, I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you’re here for me after I had to leave you last year. You’re even giving me time to figure out how to tell you about Regulus, Sirius's brother, everything.”
So that’s what it was. He wasn’t avoiding it, just figuring out how to say it. It made me admire him more. So many other people would shrink away from talking about their feelings. But after everything he had been through, talking probably felt better than keeping it to himself. He led me over to a tree near the lake, and he just talked; from when Dumbledore told him about Horcruxes, to Kreacher telling them what Regulus had done (no wonder Kreachers' behavior lately). Then he told me how the three of them had to impersonate officials from the Ministry. My mouth dropped open from surprise. He told me just about everything that was important. He didn’t mention how long we were apart or how many times he must have felt alone. When he finally got to the Deathly Hallows and the Horcruxes I looked at him in wonder.
“Harry, out of everything that I imagined, this was furthest from my mind, being related to the people who created the Deathly Hallows, and having a bit of Voldemort’s soul inside you, so you had to die, for it to die? I’m surprised you never went mad. I could never… I can’t even imagine. I can’t believe you’re still here after everything! You could have died so many times!” I couldn’t take it; I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him hard.
“Ginny, I can’t breathe,” he said in a strained voice.
I loosened my grip a little, but not much. After a minute, when it was clear I wasn’t letting go anytime soon, he wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled my hair. Whether we stayed that way a few minutes, or hours I didn't know; I was just so glad he was there to hold me. We moved towards the beach tree by the lake and we sat under it where I leaned against him. He just sat and stroked my hair, and kissed my head.
“Trust me, I thought of you every time I possibly could have. If I could have spared you, and everyone, the agony of not knowing I would have,” he told me softly.
I straightened up to look at him, my eyes narrowed, “It’s a bloody good thing I didn’t know anything about this before! I would have been an absolute wreck worrying about you! Wait ‘til other people find out, Mum’s going to go mad!”
He looked a little uncomfortable, but said, “Well that’s just it Ginny, I had to tell you all of it. We had to edit it to the others though, about the Horcruxes... what exactly they are, and the Deathly Hallows. That's where I was when Ron told you I had a meeting. The Portrait of Dumbledore and I agreed that no one should be able to find out what they are to use them at all anymore. Certain people get too power hungry when they hear things like that exist. McGonagall, Kingsley, and other key people in the Order understood why they couldn't know, and agreed that there's no reason to know if he's gone now anyway. I don't think it would have worked if it was just me telling them. I'm still too young in their eyes. Promise you won’t tell anyone? I told them something, just not all of it.”
I hadn’t even thought of that, but I thought of something else, “Harry, what if V-Voldemort told someone about it, what if he did that to carry out some sort of tradition?”
He thought for a moment, “Well, you’re not wrong. It’s possible, but he did go through a lot to keep it as secret as he could. It’s a wonder Dumbledore found out about it at all. Plus, Bellatrix never knew about it and she was his most loyal Death Eater. I’ll keep it in mind, but I don’t think we have anything to worry about on that.”
I breathed a little easier and gave him a soft kiss, “Good, because you are not allowed to go through anything like that again.” He smiled, and kissed me again. We were just about to deepen the kiss when we heard someone clear their throat.
“As much as I hate ruining tender moments like these, gag… just so you guys know, Andromeda and Teddy are here. They’re in the Great Hall eating lunch” said George.
On the outside, he seemed to be his joking self… But I still saw how much it hurt that Fred wasn't chiming in.
Just as he was leaving he said over his shoulder, “Oh, Harry, just so you know from all us older brothers, just because you’re the ‘Chosen One’ or whatever, doesn’t exclude you from a major arse whooping if you hurt her.”
“Older brothers,” I said under my breath, “I hope we don’t hear more of that, maybe Ron won’t so much now that he’s with Hermione, but I don’t know about the rest of them. Oh, I forgot to tell you, George reminded me, Tonks made me Teddy's Godmother!”
Harry gave me a huge smile, “Wow, that’s a great surprise, now Teddy has a whole family to be there for him. We all still wish his parents were still… around, but this has to be the next best thing… unless I mess up royally.” He looked completely worried and uncertain of himself, so pained that Remus and Tonks were gone. He tried not to let me see the tears in eyes even if they didn't fall.
I got choked up too, but reassured him all the same. “Of course you won’t, we’ll help each other with mistakes we’re bound to make. You’ll be wonderful Harry, I know it. I’m real nervous too though, I know how you feel.”
“Well, I don’t know of anyone better to be Godmother than you. You’ll be a natural.”
“Thanks Harry” and I gave him a lingering kiss for that. Being around brothers all the time I really wasn’t sure I would be all that great for God mothering.
After basking in the warmth of her kiss, I let Ginny pull me to my feet, and we started walking to the Castle. “You know, it’s occurred to me I haven’t officially asked you yet.” I stopped her so I could see her brown eyes looking up at me. “Ginny, would you be my girlfriend?”
She smiled widely, “Yes Harry, I will” and wrapped her arms around my neck.
I picked her up and spun her around. That had to be one of my happiest moments since the battle. The girl of my dreams in my arms—
“You know, I’m bloody surprised you didn’t stumble all over yourself asking me that. Hermione told me how Cho could barely understand you,” Ginny giggled.
I put her down, so I could look at her properly. “You know I was just thinking how I was sooo happy, and how wonderful you are until you said that” I teased her. She gave me a playful shove.
Before we knew it we were outside the Great Hall and I froze. What if—
“Again, Harry don’t worry, you’ll be fine. They’ll both love you. Andromeda is really nice, I’ve met her a couple of times visiting Tonks. The only reason I haven’t seen Teddy yet is because when he was born it was too dangerous for any of us to go out.”
I nodded and we started to go in. How does she always know what’s going on in my head?
She pointed and exclaimed, “Ohh, Harry look!”
I looked ahead of us and saw Mrs. Weasley holding Teddy while Andromeda ate lunch. There was no mistaking it was him, not only because he was the only baby there, but he also had bright orange hair like Mrs. Weasley. That was definite proof he inherited Tonks' Metamorphism because, as I remember, neither Tonks nor Remus had naturally orange hair. Andromeda saw us come in, got up, and gave us big hugs.
“It’s so good to see you both. I just wish you could have seen the 3 of them together. They were the perfect--” She fell forward and started silently sobbing against us.
We just stood there, Ginny, being amazing, thought to comfort her by putting an arm around her, and hugged her. I took her lead and did the same.
“Go say hi to our Godson, I’ll be there in a minute” I said. Ginny nodded, and smiled sadly with some tears in her eyes. “Andromeda, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that we lost them,” a large lump was now stuck to the back of my throat. It hurt to swallow, to breathe.
Tears evident in her voice, she pulled away and looked up at him properly, “Well Harry, I’m not going to lie and tell you I didn’t think nearly my whole family was destroyed in one night. When Minerva came to tell me the news, I was devastated, I still am. The one thing that has helped is having Teddy, and all of Tonks and Remus’s friends are becoming more of a family to me. It’s going to be hard…” She was overcome with tears and cried, “So hard… But we’ll all be there for each other.” I gave her a hug and tried my hardest to be strong for her, but a few tears found their way down my cheeks. She sniffed, and pulled away from me, “Thank you, but you don’t have to say anything more to me about the topic. You have a Godson to meet now,” and she wiped her eyes and pushed me in the right direction.
I turned towards Ginny, and my heart nearly stopped. She was glowing with happiness. I had to concentrate breathing for a minute, the difference between talking about the grief, and the happiness of a new life was a bit much. Ginny looked up from little Teddy, smiled, and came over. She must have figured out that my feet seemed to be glued to the floor.
“Here Harry, you have to hold him. I can’t even explain how good it feels,” and without letting me say anything, she bent my arms in the right position, like a muggle toy I’d played with once, and put Teddy gently in my arms.
I looked down at the little guy, and it was almost like seeing Remus and Tonks in baby form. He looked up at me, without crying like I was dreading, and his hair changed from orange to black and mussed. He gurgled and blew raspberries, and I smiled. Even with the change in hair color, he still looked distinctly like my friends. I grinned and soon felt comfortable enough to walk around, bouncing him sometimes, which would cause him to make precious, little sounds.
After a few minutes, he started fussing, but oddly enough, when Andromeda came to take care of it, I still didn’t want to put him down.
“Alright, I’ll teach you how to feed him then, he hasn’t had lunch yet,” she said with a smile on her face.
I looked up for the first time since I had started holding him and saw Ginny. She had a very wistful smile on her face, and I knew she must be had been thinking what I had. ‘We all lost so much, but we also gained quite a bit as well; if we focus on living life the way we’d want to our friends and families won’t have died for nothing.’
A/N: Thanks again to Bardic Magic for the edits and Treacle Tart for the suggestions.
I know at my hardest times even though I was grieving, life still went on, and got better. This was my way of expressing how that might have happened. Please share what you think of it in that little box there. I swear, I never knew how happy I'd get by reviews until I wrote this story. Thanks :)