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Chapter 10: The Morning After
I wake with a start, laying on my right side. I can tell it’s either very early or very late; I can just make out the moon shining through the window with my half-open eyes. I sit up at the edge of my bed, rubbing my eyes with my hands. I wonder what made me awaken so suddenly with such a terrible headache.
It must have been that crazy dream I was having, I think to myself. I can’t believe I was having a dream about shagging Draco Malfoy. I’ve had dreams about him before, but none like this. I feel ashamed of myself, like it’s somehow my fault I’ve had this crazy dream. I push myself off the bed and am shocked to discover every inch of my body is sore, and as I look down at myself I notice I’m naked.
What the hell? I think to myself. I don’t sleep naked! I look around at my room, confused. Though there’s barely any light shining into the room, I can still make out its features. Everything appears to be normal… wait… no, it doesn’t. None of the other girls are in their beds. Where could they be at this time of night? I think to myself. I re-scan the room, once again gazing at the other beds. In the dim moonlight, the empty beds’ sheets look green.
Wait, I think, looking more closely at them as my sleepy eyes come into focus. They are green! Green bed sheets? But the only dorm rooms in this school that would have green bed sheets are the… "Slytherin," I say this last word out loud, terrified by what this means. I slowly turn around to look back at the bed I’ve just risen from, praying that I won’t see what I fear may be there.
Sure enough, once I’ve completely turned around my eyes confirm my worst fear: Draco Malfoy is laying there asleep. The covers are pulled up to his mid-chest, which is completely bare. My eyes widen and my heart starts racing. I hadn’t been dreaming about shagging Draco Malfoy… I’d actually shagged him! “Oh no! No, no, no, no, no!” I say quietly. “This can’t be happening!”
I slowly back away from the bed as though it’s a snake that may bite me if I make any sudden moves. I back into the bed to its right and slide from a standing position down to the floor, my hands covering my mouth and my entire body aching from the strain of moving. My eyes, which are still locked on Draco’s sleeping form on the bed, now fill with tears. I allow myself to lose it for a moment before trying to regain my composure.
Calm down, Jayde, I tell myself. There must be some mistake. That had to have been a dream… maybe I’m still dreaming! This thought cheers me up a bit, and I dry my eyes and stand back up. I pinch myself, which wasn’t a great idea because it actually does hurt. I let out a surprised gasp of pain. Then I slowly walk over to the left side of the bed Draco’s laying on and stare down at him. He looks real, but I refuse to accept that this has happened, so I lean down and lightly touch his upper arm. The touch of his skin once again sends a wave of electric energy shooting through my body.
Bloody hell, I think, it was real. It was all real! Oh my God, what was I thinking? I told him I loved him! I shagged him! Three times! What the hell happened to me last night? What am I going to do? No, more like what have I already done? I stand there for a moment, contemplating my situation, when a brilliant idea hits me: run. I turn around to find my clothes on the floor to the left of the bed and immediately begin pulling them on as quickly as humanly possible. I’m not sure where I’m going or what I’ll do when I get there, but I’ve got to get out of here right now.
Once I’ve pulled my dress on, I grab the door handle and pull as hard as I can, but it won’t budge. Remembering that Draco had magically locked it last night, I run over to his clothes laying abandoned on the floor and dig through them until I find the pocket he shoved his wand into last night. I pull his wand out and unlock the door before throwing his wand down and quietly slipping out of the room.
I take a quick glance at the corridor, which is empty, before quickly walking to the door that leads back to the stairs to the common room. I walk through the door, down the steps, and into the common room quietly. I can just make out the form of Crabbe lying on the sofa asleep, while Goyle sleeps in the chair next to him. I quickly tiptoe past them, keeping my eyes on them to check for any signs of movement. I should have kept my eyes on the floor; I trip over something, though I’m not sure what, as it’s still fairly dark in the common room. I stumble into the wall next to the portrait hole, hitting it with a loud thump.
Goyle, who is nearest me, sits up with a start, his wand drawn and aimed straight at me. Frightened by his sudden movement, I take a deep breath in. “Lumos,” he says, and the tip of his wand lights up. “Jayde,” he says, lowering his wand when he realizes it’s me. “What’s wrong?”
"N-n-nothing,” I say quickly.
“Well, where’re you going, then?” he asks.
“I’ve got to get out of here before I get caught,” I say.
“Where’s Draco?” he asks.
“Still asleep,” I say quickly, “I didn’t want to wake him, he’s very tired.” Goyle seems a bit confused. “I’ll see you later, Goyle,” I say as casually as I can, hoping he won’t think anything’s wrong, and then I turn and quickly exit through the stretch of stone wall that hides the Slytherin common room.
Certain that Goyle will be waking Draco up any minute now to question him about my strange behavior, I take off running as soon as the portrait hole’s shut, which makes my sore body ache even more, and I don’t stop running until I reach Gryffindor Tower. I wake up the Fat Lady, give her the password, and climb through as quietly as possible. Then I sneak through the common room, up the stairs, and into my room. Luckily, all the girls are fast asleep.
Knowing that sleep won’t come anytime soon for me, I decide to have a bath. For some reason I feel that taking a bath will make everything better, like it will wash away what’s happened. I grab my pajamas and leave my room and walk across the hall into the bathroom. I run a warm bubble bath and slide my clothes off, slipping into the soothing water. The warm water calms my aching muscles, and I lean back and rest my head on the back of the tub and close my eyes. Though I try not to think of the night’s activities, I find it impossible to do.
Ashamed and embarrassed, among other things, I begin to weep uncontrollably. I simply can’t believe this. I’ve fornicated before marriage, and with someone I’m not even dating! With the biggest arse in this entire school! How had I worked up the nerve to do something like this? How had I even known what I was doing? I’ve never shagged before! I wonder what Ms. Fitzpatrick and Mrs. McGreggor would think if they knew what I’ve done. I wonder what my friends will think when they find out. I wonder how Harry will take the news that his date ran off and shagged another man, especially his arch enemy.
As I sit here and dwell on these things, I begin to notice that I’m starting to feel out of it, like I did at Dunamase last year. I try to stop myself by splashing water on my face. It helps, but a few minutes later I feel myself starting to zone out again. This time I decide to get out of the bath and get dressed, hoping that will distract me from my emotions. I climb out of the bath, all my muscles aching in protest, and dress myself, but the emotion won’t stop. I try to find something else to distract me, but I realize that won’t work. I need another dose of my potion now.
Feeling the emotion take over again and knowing I’ll never make it to Professor Snape in time, I quickly run from the bathroom and back into my room. I push myself forwards towards Hermione’s bed and fall down beside it. I’m beginning to black out; I can’t see anything but the image in my head of Draco’s naked form lying on his bed. Gathering my strength, I reach up and grab hold of the side of Hermione’s bed and pull myself up. I reach for her blindly and accidentally hit her, hard.
“Who’s there?” she asks, frightened.
“Hermione,” I say as loudly as I can, though it comes out not much louder than a whisper. She sits straight upright and gasps.
“Jayde, what’s wrong?” she asks.
“Proff-fessor… Sn-n-ape,” I mumble, realizing that I’m losing the last bit of strength I have. Though I’m worried that she might not have heard me, she doesn’t ask me to repeat myself. I hear her jump off her bed and run from the room just before everything goes black.
When I wake up, I open my eyes to see that the sun has almost completely risen. Hermione is sitting at the foot of my bed on the left; Ginny is at the foot of my bed on the right. When I open my eyes, they both ask how I’m feeling at the same time. “Dreadful,” I say. As I sit up, I notice that my muscles are still aching.
As it normally does when you wake up for the first time after something horrible happens, realization washes over me and I remember everything that happened before I passed out. Not ready to have to confess what happened down in the Slytherin dorms, I try to keep a straight face in front of my friends, but I can’t help but wonder if they can tell by looking at me that I’m no longer a virgin. “What happened after I passed out?” I ask.
“I ran as fast as I could to get Professor Snape like you asked,” Hermione answers. “When we got up here, you were already out and he said there was nothing to be done but to wait until you woke up, that you just needed some rest. He told me to watch over you while you slept. He said when you woke up to tell you that he will speak to all your teachers for you and have you excused from all your classes today, and when you feel able you should go to his office.”
“Okay. Thanks, Hermione,” I say quietly.
Though I don’t want to miss my classes, I think a little rest would do me some good, besides; I’m definitely not ready to face Draco yet. I lie back down on my bed and close my eyes. “Jayde, what happened last night at the party?” Ginny asks. Great. I’m going to have to confess a little sooner than I’d hoped. I try to pretend I’ve already fallen back asleep, but it doesn’t work.
“What Ginny means to say,” Hermione says, “is that we were worried about you. Harry told us he went to get you a drink, but when he went back to the table, you were gone. Where’d you go?”
I open my eyes at this, finally seeing a way around this whole 'confessing' thing; I can lie. My heart fills with hope, but I realize I have to come up with a good lie, and fast. “I had to be taken to the hospital wing,” I say quickly. “I went and found Professor Snape and he took me to see Madam Pomfrey; I was there most of the night.”
“But why?” Hermione asks. The wheels in my head start turning faster; I hadn’t worked out a why yet.
“Apparently I was a little too nervous and excited about the party,” I say quickly. “I got too upset and had to go and rest.”
“Oh my goodness!” Hermione says quickly. “That must have been very frightening! Why didn’t you tell us? We’d have gone with you!” Ginny nods her head in agreement. Relieved that Hermione and Ginny seem to believe me, I feel a little more comfortable now. Can I really be this lucky? Can I really get away with never having to confess?
“I didn’t want to ruin your night; you were all having such a good time, and I figured you’d have seen me leaving with Professor Snape and would know what had happened,” I answer quickly.
“Well, what made you get so upset this morning?” Ginny asks.
“I felt horrible for leaving Harry like that. I was afraid he’d be mad at me,” I lie.
“Oh no,” Hermione says. “He was just worried - we all were. He’s not mad at you at all. In fact, when we tell him what happened he’ll probably want to come up here and see you. Will it be okay with you if we bring him up?”
“No!” I say quickly.
“What’s wrong?” Ginny asks.
“I’m still just a little afraid,” I say. “I’m not ready to see him yet. Besides, I’m sure I look dreadful.”
“Okay,” Hermione says quietly. “We understand. We’re going down to breakfast - do you feel up to coming?” Afraid that Draco will approach me, I quickly decline, claiming that I don’t feel well enough. The girls leave my room and tell me to get some rest; Hermione promises to bring me all my class work and homework, and I close my eyes and drift back to sleep.
When I wake up this time, I’m feeling better, but still not as well as I normally do. I slowly get out of bed and dress, but instead of putting on my school uniform I decide to wear my regular clothes, since I don’t have to go to class today. Realizing that I should probably go see Professor Snape right away, I walk down to the common room and glance at the clock above the fireplace.
Its 11:05, which means Transfiguration is just starting, and Gryffindor has Transfiguration with Slytherin. Since I know Draco is in class and there’s no chance of me running into him in the hallways, I decide to head down to Professor Snape’s office and try to get back up to Gryffindor Tower before Transfiguration ends.
I climb through the portrait hole and make my way to Professor Snape’s office. I’m not sure if he has a class right now or not, but I’m hoping to catch him in his office so we can go ahead and get this over with and I can get back up to the tower. When I reach his office, I tap lightly on the door. When I don’t get an answer, I tap lightly once more, and the professor’s voice calls out, “Come in.” I carefully open the door and step into his office, before closing the door behind me.
“I heard you wanted to see me, Professor,” I say quietly as I approach his desk.
“Yes, Miss Newsome,” he says. “I was going to ask you what got you so upset this morning, but as it turns out someone else has already filled me in on that bit of information.”
My mind starts racing, wondering who’s told him what. I know Draco’s a prat, but surely he hasn’t told Professor Snape what happened, has he? “Have a seat, Miss Newsome,” the professor says quietly. I sit down carefully before he continues. “Miss Newsome,” he says, “I received a visit from a very distraught Draco Malfoy very early this morning. Now, since we both already know what his visit was about, why don’t you tell me your side of the story? What happened?”
“I don’t know, Professor,” I say, the tears already pouring down my cheeks. “One minute I was at the party and everything was fine, and then I got upset when I saw Draco for some reason. So I left and ran into some Slytherins and they invited me to a party in their common room. And I know I shouldn’t have drank, but I got drunk and then… he walked over and we started kissing and then he took me to his dorm room and we… well, you already know. But when I woke up this morning, I thought it had all been a dream, until I turned around and he was laying there in the bed. I got upset and ran up to Gryffindor Tower and that’s when I passed out. Professor, I honestly don’t know what came over me last night. This isn’t like me at all! Why did Malfoy come to you? Is he trying to blame this on me?”
“Not at all,” Professor Snape answers apathetically. “In fact, it’s quite the opposite. He was very concerned about you and was afraid you’d be mad at him. When I told him you were ill I thought he was going to faint.”
“Why?” I ask, confused.
“Perhaps you should ask him that yourself,” he says.
“I can’t speak to him, Professor,” I say quietly. “I’m too ashamed. Besides, he’d just Stun me or something.”
“And what makes you think that, Miss Newsome?” he asks with his eyebrows furrowed.
“I’ve heard stories,” I reply.
“I wouldn’t believe everything you hear about someone in this castle,” the professor says. “Especially when it’s coming from the person’s enemies. Don’t be fooled; Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy have been at each other’s throats since their first day here, but Potter’s caused Malfoy just as much grief as Malfoy’s caused him. Now, Miss Newsome, I have another question for you. Draco tells me that the first time he touched you when you arrived at Hogwarts, he felt an ‘electric spark’, for lack of a better word, between the two of you. Did you feel that as well?”
"Yes, sir,” I answer, unsure why this has anything to do with what happened last night.
“Is it possible that you have some positive feeling or attraction towards him, even if it’s only a little one?” he asks with a smirk.
I quickly say, “I don’t understand why that matters.”
“Because the feeling you and Draco described is normally only felt between a Nimbimagus and their lover, and it only occurs when one of them is trying to hide their feelings for the other,” he replies, giving me a knowing look.
“That's... that's just ridiculous!” I reply. “I don't like him... but even if I did, it’d never work between us. He’s arrogant and… well… we’re just too different.”
“Miss Newsome, how can you say that without giving Mr. Malfoy a chance?" Professor Snape responds. I can't help but notice that there's a somewhat accusatory tone hidden within the apathy in his voice, and his lips curl up into a sneer as he continues. "I’m sure that you were afraid of what people would think of you when you arrived at Hogwarts; you thought people would judge you before they got to know you. Look, I won’t keep pestering you about this. I’m not your mother or a matchmaker. Just know that, for what it’s worth, I think you should at least talk to him. Who knows? You might be pleasantly surprised. And if you could express your feelings to him then it’d certainly prevent something like last night from happening again.”
What is this? I think to myself. Why am I having this conversation, with Professor Snape of all people? Malfoy doesn’t like me. In fact, he doesn’t like anyone, so what’s it matter if I like him... even though I don't? I look down at the floor but don’t speak, and Professor Snape continues.
“Now, Jayde,” he says, “you are free to go. I assure you, you’re not in any trouble and I will not tell anyone else. Try to get some rest today, and think about what I’ve said.”
“Okay,” I say quietly. “Thank you, Professor.” And at this, I turn and walk from his office.
As I walk back towards Gryffindor Tower my mind is racing with dozens of thoughts at once. What is Professor Snape trying to say about this ‘spark’? That Draco and I are secretly in love with each other? Impossible! I mean, sure he’s absolutely gorgeous, but he’s a complete arse! But then, why did he help me up that day in the entrance hall? Why is he so mean to everyone else, but so nice to me? Why did it feel like heaven when I was in his arms last night? I blush at this thought, thoroughly angry at myself for believing that anything that happened last night was like heaven. Though my mind could keep going on like this all day, it isn’t allowed to.
Just as I reach the fourth floor, I hear a voice call after me. “Jayde, wait!” the voice calls. I turn around on the landing of the stairs to see who’s called me and find myself face-to-face with the one person I was hoping to avoid for at least twenty-four hours. He and I stare at each other for a moment before I turn away; I can’t stand to look into his piercing grey eyes. I feel a sense of panic sweep over me.
“What do you want, Malfoy?” I ask quietly.
“I want to talk to you,” he says gently, stepping closer to me.
“I don’t have time to talk right now,” I say coldly. “I’ve got some studying to do.”
In no way am I prepared for what comes next. Draco slams his fist into the wall angrily and yells, “Damn!” which makes me turn on the spot and stare at him. “Would you stop avoiding me?” he yells. “You’ve been avoiding me ever since the day I helped you up in the entrance hall… why?”
Startled to discover that he knows I’ve been avoiding him, I yell back, “Because I found out what kind of person you are!” without intending to; I have absolutely no idea where that outburst came from.
“You think Potter and all his friends are going to give you an unbiased idea of what kind of person I am? They hate me, and I hate them. But why does it matter how I treat the rest of the world, as long as I treat you well? Have I ever done anything like that to you?”
“You cursed me!” I accuse. “You made me fall and cut my head!” He looks down at his shoes, confirming my suspicions.
“I didn’t mean to hit you with that spell,” he says quietly, “And I felt horrible about it… I was trying to hit Potter.”
“And why?” I ask. “What had he done to you? Nothing!”
“He asked you to the party,” he says, finally looking up at me again.
“And?” I ask impatiently.
“And I couldn’t bear it; I couldn’t bear the thought of you dating him,” he replies.
“I’m not dating him,” I say, exasperated. “We’re just friends.”
“Well, then why’d you agree to go to the party with him then?” he asks.
“So I wouldn’t have to go alone!” I reply.
“Wait,” he says. “That’s why you agreed to go with him?”
“Yes!” I reply. “And I don’t see where you get off fussing at me about going to the party with Harry when you went with Pansy!”
“I told you last night,” he replies, “I didn’t go to the party! I don’t know who you saw, but it wasn’t me… I didn’t even want to go to the party and watch you and your… boyfriend... dancing.”
“He’s NOT my boyfriend!” I scream. “And what does it matter to you anyway?”
“It matters to me because I have wanted to be with you since the first time I saw you,” he says boldly as he stares deep into my eyes. My mouth drops open. Did he really just say that?
“I know this doesn’t sound like the Draco Malfoy your friends have told you about,” he says. “Hell, I’m not so sure it sounds like me. I’ve never felt like this before, I’ve never been… crazy… over someone before. The thought of someone else even talking to you drives me mad! I can’t stop thinking about you, and I would kill to have a chance to be with you. Jayde, will you please give me a chance?”
“No!” I say immediately, turning to walk off. He follows me.
“Look, you can pretend all you want,” he says. “But I know you want me, too.” At this I turn on my heel.
“You’re so conceited!” I yell. “What makes you think I want to be with you? I don’t even know you.”
He doesn’t answer, and I turn and start walking away again, but he grabs me by the arm, sending that electric current through it once again. I turn back and look at him again. “Because you told me you were jealous over me last night, and because of this,” he says, nodding towards our touching, tingling arms. “You can’t tell me everything we did last night didn’t feel just as good to you as it did to me,” he continues.
“Of course last night felt good,” I say. “I was drunk!”
“So was I!” he retorts. “But all this tingling started before last night… you liked me before you were drunk… but all that’s beyond the point. The point is, I want you and I’ve been too afraid to say it, too afraid that you didn’t feel the same way. But after last night, I can’t go back to being without you. I can’t go back to watching you from afar and wishing you were mine. Last night was amazing, Jayde, and you can’t deny it! Maybe we don’t know each other very well, but we’ll come to know each other in time. All I’m asking for is one chance to get to know you, one chance to be with you.”
At this, he moves closer to me and places his other hand on my free arm. “Let me go,” I say angrily.
“Why?” he asks. “I know you love it! Why do you fight it? You can’t tell me this doesn’t feel good! You can’t tell me this…” His voice trails off; it appears for a moment as though he’s run out of words. But then he quickly tightens his jaw and looks straight into my eyes, as though he’s made up his mind about something.
He quickly releases both my arms at the same time and moves his hands, instead, to both sides of my face. My face tingling, he tilts my head upwards, bends his neck down and forcefully presses his lips to mine, which makes my lips tingle as well. I resist at first, but I suddenly get caught up in the kiss and find myself enjoying it, a lot. Within a matter of seconds we’re snogging each other forcefully. He slips his tongue into my mouth and our tongues intertwine for what seems like forever. My heart starts pounding rapidly just like it had the first time I saw him.
He releases me from the kiss for a split second to get some air, looks deep into my eyes, removes his hands from my face and places them on my hips before pulling me closer to him and starting another infinite kiss. When we stop for air this time I push him away from me; I need a moment to breathe, and to think. He looks down at me, his beautiful grey eyes gleaming.
“So, does this mean you’ll give me a chance? Will you be my girlfriend?” he asks hopefully.
I stand there thinking for a moment. I can’t deny that I want to be his girlfriend, and have wanted to be since the first time I saw him, but I’m afraid; I’ve never had a boyfriend before. Hell, I’ve never even snogged anyone before him, and I don’t want to date someone who could potentially turn out to be just as much of an arse to me as he is to everyone else. “I don’t know,” I say quietly.
At this, he pulls me into another long, forceful kiss which I eventually have to pull away from, because I hear the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” he says breathlessly. “We wouldn't want anyone else finding out about us before we've had a chance to figure us out... but I’ll come find you later and we’ll continue this discussion in a more private setting.” He quickly walks off, but I just stand there in complete shock. Us? Did he just say 'us'? I think to myself.
Several students brush past me moments later, staring at me as though I’m insane, but I barely notice. Finally I gather my composure and walk back up to my dorm room. When I get there, I flop down on my bed, crying and not knowing what to do. I couldn’t bear to have that conversation with Draco again, because I’m too embarrassed and I know I’d surely give in to his kisses and pleas. I decide that the only thing I can do is to avoid him at all costs from now on; to make sure that any time I walk anywhere in the castle or grounds, my friends are with me. Surely he won’t approach me with all my friends around, will he?